Living Alone: Voluntary or due to a Lack Of Courage

graur codrin @ freedigitalphotos,net
graur codrin @ freedigitalphotos,net

Why are people living alone?

Do people live alone because they really want to be alone, or because they lack the courage and strength to meet the demands of a relationship?

Or maybe they are not willing to sacrifice anything. All relationships demand sacrifices – things we have to surrender in order to gain what we need/want.

"There's no such thing as a free lunch"

Everything, including companionship and love, has a price.

I’ve done some interviews with women to determine whether women are alone because they want to be alone, or because they don’t have the courage and strength to meet the demands of a relationship.

photostock @ freedigitalphotos,net
photostock @ freedigitalphotos,net

Agnes:

I was happy alone, probably because I was not really alone, being part of a family and a circle of girlfriends. Nature forced me to replace my girlfriends with a boyfriend – my future husband. When I met him I was blinded by the urge to have a partner. Naturally I fell in love with him. I admired his good qualities and ignored his shortcomings with the hope that he would overcome them in time. During the nine years we were married I was actually deeply in love with him, complying all the way with his selfish and chauvinistic rules and demands. I trusted him with my whole heart and even bragged about him wanting everything his way or the highway. I had my free time when he was at work, raising our children and running my own cottage industry. I was contented in the conventional circumstances encouraged by Nature and enforced by Law.

And then he fell in love with another woman and dumped me and our children as if we were garbage.

So, I am NOT currently voluntary alone, and yes, I DO NOT have the courage and strength to meet the demands of a relationship ever again. I will never be able to trust a man again. My ex was known for his sense of duty, and yet he had fallen in love with another woman. If he could do it, all men can.

So where am I now? Definitely NOT voluntary alone AND lacking the courage and strength to meet the demands of a relationship? I feel lost in the depths of despair!

Stuart Miles @ freedigitalphotos,net
Stuart Miles @ freedigitalphotos,net

Betty:

My husband committed adultery during our 10th year of marriage. He came to his senses and begged for forgiveness. Depending financially and emotionally on him, I had to forgive him. I just could not see myself in the pathetic position of being a woman and mother of two children in need of alimony in the place of love and loyalty. We started a new life in another town. No longer naïve and willing to trust him, I had an urge to become financially and emotionally independent. While reaching my goals, my horizons expanded, while he stayed the complacent guy I originally met, the one who were under the impression that he was a born hero to be worshiped just the way he was. When my youngest child left home to provide for himself, I was also ready to leave ‘home’.

I left my husband to be VOLUNTARY alone for the rest of my life. If I was not also completely shocked by the behavior of fellow-Christians, and (arrogantly) disappointed in God who took - according to my perception – delight in my suffering, I would became a nun.

I am still voluntary alone. I would not say that I don’t have the courage and strength to meet the demands of a relationship; I simply don’t have the desire to meet the demands of any man. I am happy alone. Thank you.

markuso @ freedigitalphotos.net
markuso @ freedigitalphotos.net

Carol:

I was alone for three years. Originally voluntary. But anxiety became my lot, as I was facing all the human devils in the world of a divorced woman. A world completely different than the world of a married woman. Being divorced is like living in an open field, exposed to dangers of all sorts, e.g., crowds of men AND women hunting single women with weapons of love, lust, hate, and envy. (While in marriage the only danger a woman has to handle is her own husband and his moods, and, of course, whomever and whatever could damage and/or destroy her marriage.)

Anxiety, and, yes, the realization that I lack the courage to meet the demands of a relationship, dragged me into depression – a deep well where I had only myself, my memories and shattered dreams to take care of.


And then a so-called prince discovered me and literally kissed me back to life again. He was married, but encouraged by his wife to have a mistress. He was not a liar; his wife actually assured me of her indulgence before I even met her husband. (Oh, she had her reasons, which are beside the point.) But I often wondered if her indulgence really mattered. I was so sick and tired of being regarded as a threat by married women; I actually had no desire left to prove to them that I was not planning to steal anyone’s husband. I was in fact madly in need of love.

Between the devil and the deep-blue sea; according to my perception, between the torture chamber called marriage and the torture chamber called purdah, an affair with a married man was like heaven on earth. His family obligations suited me fine; he had no power over me; I owed him nothing but love and loyalty; I was still free and independent with more than enough time to do whatever I felt like doing.

But eventually I found myself lost in depression again, because slowly but surely I felt more and more like a bird in a cage, only ‘singing’ when my ‘master’ releases me. I was dying in the secrecy demanded by an extra-marital affair considered to be ‘sin’ in a Christian society. So, on the edge of suicide, I ended the affair.

I am voluntary alone now. But only until I meet Mr. Right. In spite of my first failure in marriage I am no longer afraid to meet the demands of a relationship. I believe that all my wounds were healed during my affair, and I will always be grateful for all the love I have received from a man who had danced to the tune of his wife. (It still boggles my mind that a woman allows her husband to have a mistress in order for her to dodge her responsibility to satisfy his physical needs.)

Michal Marcol @ freedigitalphotos,net
Michal Marcol @ freedigitalphotos,net

Debbie:

For me the result of being alone, even voluntary, was loneliness and eventually severe depression. I joined a support group for people suffering depression. The organizer was a widower. From the start we were apparently meant for each other. With him I thought I would try marriage again. But I was not sure. His son was a teenager, the two of them were a closed unit. I felt like an outsider supposed to be pleased. After I’ve spent many weekends and two holidays of 10 days each with them – all and all two years - I finally realized that I did not have enough love in my heart to spend another day with them.

So I am voluntary alone (again), completely healed from depression, and VOLUNTARY willing to be alone for the rest of my life. You may believe that I don’t have the courage and strength to meet the demands of a relationship, I don’t care. I prefer to believe that I am not willing to pay the price of a relationship. I have the right to live without anything I need just because I am not willing to pay the price.

photostock @ freedigitalphotos.net
photostock @ freedigitalphotos.net

Yvonne:

My husband of twenty five years was quite demanding. After he had died I was happy to be alone. But after a couple of months I was ready to socialize, though only on the Internet. After three online affairs, each with its own pros and cons, I was all of a sudden totally fed-up with online chats and of being addicted to words and of my idea of the man behind it. I came to the conclusion that I was NOT voluntary alone, but too scared to find myself a real, living partner. I feared embarrassment, failure and rejection. Finally I mustered up all my courage and ‘advertised’ myself on a new dating site, but demanded only eye-to-eye meetings. And so I’ve met my new husband. By the way, I don’t regret any one of the online relationships I’ve had – that was exactly what I needed at that time.

stockimages @ freedigitalphotos.net
stockimages @ freedigitalphotos.net

Freda:

I was married for a long time and alone for a long time. I have had good and bad relationships. My life is a book of many chapters.

At present I am in a relationship, the most pleasant I have ever had. But I know that this, too, will come to an end. All relationships have a beginning and an ending. But I am not afraid; I don’t fear the unknown. By now I know that I am able to handle the surprises Life has in stock for me.

To answer your question - There were times I was voluntary alone, and there were times I were alone because I did not have the courage and strength to meet the demands of a relationship. But reviewing my past I can clearly see that everything began and ended at the right time. I believe for some reason, maybe to be able to appreciate what we have, we have to experience everything that comes our way.

Stuart Miles @ freedigitalphotos.net
Stuart Miles @ freedigitalphotos.net

My Conclusion

The stories of Agnes, Betty, Carol, Debbie, Yvonne and Freda left me with a clear conclusion: Every woman (and certainly also every man) knows whether they are voluntary alone, or alone because they don’t have the courage and strength to meet the demands of a relationship.

The question is: What should be done?

Of course, when one is voluntary alone, one should enjoy being alone. When one is alone due to a lack of courage and strength to meet the demands of a relationship, one should find courage and strength.

Where do one find courage and strength?

Personally I always find this first of all in my own will, and then in my actions.

AKARAKINGDOMS @ freedigitalphotos.net
AKARAKINGDOMS @ freedigitalphotos.net
Source
Source
Source

Some more views:

Victoria Lynn - I am on the other end of the spectrum from many women, because I've never lived with a man. I have a long-term relationship, but I doubt that we will ever marry. He lives a mile and a half up the road, and it's perfect that way. I can't even IMAGINE living with someone in the SAME HOUSE. I like my alone time, tons of it. I suspect that women long for what they were used to. If they have always been with someone, they tend to get lonely or depressed when they are alone.

sholland10 - I would be afraid to be alone because being married is all I know.

mary615 - I was happily married for over 20 years to a wonderful man who suddenly died in 1988. I have not been in a relationship since , nor do I care to. I'm just too independent and picky! I'll never find another man like he was. I don't even try.

© Martie Coetser

Copyright :: All Rights Reserved

Registered :: 2013-03-04 22:09:13
Title :: Living Alone: Voluntary or due to a Lack Of Courag
Category :: Article Hub
Fingerprint :: 66863a961eba37f7dcff971a992a58635a7dfb2208fd3f173c109f93cc31f5fe
MCN :: CE4LH-HY8H0-KFX7M

More by this Author


Comments 61 comments

Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 3 years ago from Orlando, FL

Very, very interesting interviews!! I appreciated reading about each of the women's journeys regarding to be, or not to be flying solo. I've never been solo so I have no opinion. If I ever shall have an opinion I'll be sure and come back and share it. Thank you SAA for compiling this amazing hub!


Vickiw 3 years ago

That was a great idea for a Hub, and it shows hiw many varied experiences women can have that change their living arrangements. After different life experiences it is very difficult to live easily with another person, male or female. I think often the wisest women go through an intense period of self-examination, and come to their own conclusions about the way to live that is right for them. As you point out in your interviews their ultimate decisions are very different. Great Hub, Martie, voted up and I


xstatic profile image

xstatic 3 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

Very interesting hub, showing some insight into reasons some women might choose to be alone. I've know a few men who make that choice, but not many.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 3 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Dear Martie,

I also enjoyed reading the variety of responses from the women you interviewed, finding Freda to be especially balanced in her response.

As always you have taken the subject and explored in a meaningful, thoughtful and significant manner. Excellent writing, my Sista.

Voted UP and UABI. Love, Maria


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

Very interesting, reading all the different women's perspective on this subject. I also think Freda has a healthy balance going on in her life. Once can chose to be alone or not, and it is a choice to stay in an unhealthy environment even when surrounded by people. If one is not really connected to them, then what is the point. In that case, it is best to be alone. I think it is best to choose one's friends wisely, who are there and supportive when you need them to be, otherwise it is just fine to be alone, as you are not truly in isolation and cut-off from the world.

Thanks again for another great perspective on this subject. I love how you have presented this in this particular hub.

Voted Up ++++ and sharing

Hugs and love, Faith Reaper


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

@ Sunshine625 – I remember the thoughts I had about single women before I had entered their world – all negative thoughts, skeptical, suspicious, because I had no idea what their world was like. My advice to women not flying solo is to spend the energy they use for forming opinions on enjoying and appreciating the man in their life, unless he is one of those punks causing unhappiness as far as he breathes. Living alone is blissful in comparison with living with the wrong partner. Thank you, Linda; you and your family are always in my thoughts.

@ Vickiw – The longer we are alone, the less we want to share our personal zone with a partner. A fulltime partner could be a fulltime job, 24/7. Take care, Vicki :)

@ xstatic – For some reason less men enjoy living alone than women. I think I should do some interviews with men as well... Thanks for the idea :)

@ marcoujor, my dearest sista - Your opinions always means a lot to me. Thank you!

@ Faith Reaper – Sadly Nature forces us to ‘couple’ when we are young. No young woman has the faintest desire to become a spinster. Those who have, have extra-ordinary reasons. Unhappiness is surely the best fertilizer for emotional independence. Then only materialistic matters and fear of the unknown will keep a woman in an unhappy relationship. Thank you, Faith, I always appreciate your generous and profound comments.


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Interesting of how woman have changed over time you have accomplished an informative and well pointed out hub on Living Alone.


jandee profile image

jandee 3 years ago from Liverpool.U.K

Martie that was a good read getting right into the minds of these women.It was pretty depressing in that they consider themselves worthless unless in a partnership,it also paints a bitter picture of men.

thanks for your hard work in this,

best from jandee


kikibruce profile image

kikibruce 3 years ago from New York

I experienced a lot of depression from living alone and ended up drinking a lot. I recently lost my job and moved back home. Living with family is sort of making me crazy and now I miss the virtues of living alone. It is really a hard thing either way.


d.william profile image

d.william 3 years ago from Somewhere in the south

Great hub. And from the other point of view (male of course) i find myself living alone and perfectly content to do so 99.9% of the time. All the relationships i tried were with the expectations of having a partner that was equal in all aspects of life. But to my detriment they all turned out to be dependent instead of equal, and more of a liability than an asset, so my last and only option was (is) to live alone and enjoy the independence, solitude, and quiet times at my own leisure.

The other .01% is only in relationship to my pets, as my greatest fear is keeling over dead and there being no-one to rescue them.

We all should first learn to be self reliant before ever agreeing to sharing our lives with another person - and that goes for both sexes.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

So interesting and heart tugging also.

Over the years when my children were growing up I used to enjoy the very rare occasions when I would be on my own, but since meeting my partner I cannot ever imagine day another day on my own anymore.

After leaving my abusive ex of 26 years I spent five years on my own (Except for family to and fro). Myself and Dai now do everything together and I cannot imagine day after day alone now. I am so grateful for having been given a second chance at true love.

This was interesting and very useful.

Enjoy your day.

Eddy.


jandee profile image

jandee 3 years ago from Liverpool.U.K

Martie do you think it is time for a return of the "Communes"?

jandee


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 3 years ago from Arlington, TX

Martie - Ya lured me in with this one. I am alone at the present because I haven't met the right woman. I have settled before and won't settle again.

The Frog


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 3 years ago from United States

Martie, this was such a beautiful hub with the best of examples.

Health can make anyone dependent on the other person cause sometimes that flushes out the confidence in a person to be alone :(

voted up as useful and beautiful. sharing it across


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 3 years ago from Arkansas, USA

What an interesting hub! I am on the other end of the spectrum from many women, because I've never lived with a man. I have a long-term relationship, but I don't know that we'll ever marry. He lives a mile and a half up the road, and it's perfect that way. I can't even IMAGINE living with someone--in the SAME HOUSE! LOL. I like my alone time, tons of it. I think a lot of it is what people are used to. If someone has always been with someone, they seem to tend to get lonely or depressed when things change. Not always, but it seems that way.

Anyway, great idea for hub. It makes one think!


suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 3 years ago from Taos, NM

Very interesting perspectives. Quite an engaging article!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

Victoria Lynn is a woman with lots of smarts!! All kidding aside, i wouldn't give up my privacy, i guess that sounds selfish, oh, come on, it is selfish, but that's me. The thought of marriage scares the heck out of me, been there, done that. My friend lives a little farther than Victoria's friend, six blocks to be exact. Women are taught from birth that she should find a good man, have a family and be contented. Times are changing, different strokes for different folks and both ways are great. I have friends who are very happily married, others love being single. This is a great idea for an article. Loved it.....


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

@ DDE – In the time of my mother only widows could live alone with the approval of the community. Spinsters and divorced women were supposed to live with their parents or other relatives. If not, they had to bear rejection.

@ jandee – I did not get the idea that all of these women considered themselves worthless unless in a partnership. However, no man or woman are born to be alone. If a human doesn’t find companionship in another human, they will find it in a pet or fascinating hobby, such as writing hubs in HubPages. If not, loneliness – a sad condition – will sooner or later be their lot. You will also note that at least one of these women did not paint a bitter picture of men.

If you consider "communes" to be a body of people or families living together and sharing everything, I must admit that I believe that marriage as it is today has proven itself as an unsuccessful safe haven for children to grow up. I am day-dreaming about communes for many years now – a safe place for women to live and raise their children in peace. BUT, of course, not preventing happy families or couples to live in their own homes. But closely examined, this is about how we live today. Our communes just don’t have visible boundaries. Most women living alone do enjoy moral support from relatives and friends in similar and even not-similar situations. There is definitely something like a sisterhood.

@ kikibruce – indeed a hard thing either way. May you soon meet a suitable partner. Unfortunately they don’t fall out of heaven into our laps. Why not do something daring? My brother recently met his at a dance club, my cousin met his at a sport club. Yvonne (in the hub) met hers online, but demanded eye-to-eye contact instead of online chats. Of course, first meetings in restaurants and not at her home. I wish you all of the best.

@ d.william – I agree absolutely wholeheartedly with you – “we should first learn to be self reliant before ever agreeing to sharing our lives with another person - and that goes for both sexes.”

@ Eiddwen – I am so glad for you, and I am so on the same page as you. Although not 100%. My partner and I prefer to live in our separate homes and to spend as often as possible quality time together. I am honestly not sure if we will be happy living in the same house 24/7.

@ The Frog Prince – I am so glad I’ve lured you in. I think you are on the same page as d.william and myself. I don’t want to be needed/wanted for what I can do for my partner, but for what WE can do/be while we are together. I want a partner and not a dependent and least of all a ‘boss’. Frog, I hope with all my heart that you’ll soon meet a soul mate – a true friend and lover who will enjoy being in your company just because you are you. In the meantime, stay alone and enjoy whatever you’re doing.

@ Ruchira – You have raised a very important aspect. There are few things more devastating for the soul than being ill AND alone. Depending on a neighbor/relative/friend putting their own responsibilities on hold in order to take care of you, is also NOT good for one’s soul and self-esteem. True love does manifest in the ‘worse’ and not in the ‘better’, in ‘sickness’ and not in health.

@ Victoria Lynn – you’ve got your bread buttered on both sides. This is also my way of living for the past 21 years, though I’ve been married before. Why live under the same roof 24/7 and ruin a perfect relationship? It is okay to spend a couple of days together, preferably not at home, but one should keep in mind that absence makes the heart grows fonder. Thank you so much for sharing your comment. Would you mind if I add it to the hub?


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

@ suzettenaples – thank you so much for your comment. I wanted this hub to be engaging and was not sure if it was.

@ always exploring – It is a fact: the more sufficient we become in living alone, the happier we become. Who would be willing to risk their happiness? 'Selfish' may be the word, but ‘fussy’ is a better word. I am getting jealous of you and Victoria, because my friend lives 20 minutes drive per car away from me. I often wish he was my neighbor. But then, we should be careful what we wish for. We live in a wonderful time – everything goes. People are certainly more flexible and able to accommodate the life styles of others. Take care, Ruby!


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida

What an interesting range of life stories these six women provided, Martie. And your narrative is compelling, m'dear. Guess it all goes to show that we can have hopes and aspirations but life does not always deals us the perfect hand.

How does one best survive? By believing in oneself, caring deeply for family and friends, and learning to be flexible - as you pointed out. Thanks for this interesting life lesson.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

drbj - You have hit all four nails that keep this hub together securely on their heads. It took me about 1500 words to say what you've said with... let's count.... ".... we can have hopes and aspirations but life does not always deals us the perfect hand. (But) by believing in oneself, caring deeply for family and friends, and learning to be flexible (we can live happily for ever after alone or in a relationship."

Thank you, my dear drbj :)


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 3 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Sure, Martie, you can use my comments. I can add to it if you want. Just let me know. :-)

@always exploring--Thanks for the compliment!


Laurinzo Scott profile image

Laurinzo Scott 3 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

Very well said, and it gives some insight into why some women think (and suprisingly, some men too) although men usually feel that way for shorter periods... very well done Martie


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 3 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Very interesting, Martie! Relationships like everything else come better with practice. The more you have, the better you become. If you meet a sufficient number of men to date, you get better at dating, if you have courage to pursue relationships and admit mistakes and learn from them, you would be at a better place much sooner than expected and much sooner than others who try making to work "the unworkable".

We don't tend to think about "a learning curve in dating" - instead, we break hearts, end up with broken hearts, get married too soon, become mothers too soon or vice versa - some women wait forever before committing and some men never marry...

I don't have a particular piece of advice for I am no expert in relationships, but what makes me wonder at this stage of my life - when I see profiles of men in my age group - 42 and up - when they say they were never married - I take it as a red flag. Were they ever ready to commit? Were they ever in love?


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 3 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

An interesting set of interviews. Certainly times have changed, women are no longer dependent on a man, husband/partner as they used to be. No longer considered old maids... left on the shelf. Those shelves can be pretty cosy. I know when I chose to be alone I was quite happy doing the things 'I' wanted to do without having to consider someone else. I was like a bird let out of its cage. I wasn't afraid of entering into another relationship though, the only sad thing was that when I did my son chose not to speak to me anymore. But he is a grown man and that is his choice, I am getting on with my life even though I do miss him this is my choice.


sholland10 profile image

sholland10 3 years ago from Southwest Missouri

Martie, great hub! I would be afraid to be alone because being married is all I know. I think some women look at others and think the grass is greener. We each have a place and have to work through how we feel about things. The women who had commitment issues because the men in their life cheated were put in a position to feel insecure, and I can't blame them. Even the one who took her husband back had trouble trusting him. Those are big issues. I am glad she is strong enough to work through them. Tough, tough situations.

Votes and shares!


Single Shot 3 years ago

Great hub!


agapsikap profile image

agapsikap 3 years ago from Philippines

Being alone doesn't mean being lonely. Voluntary or Lack of courage, one should endeavor to win whatever race one would choose. Both have its consequence. Perhaps, the inability to put trust within themselves build lack of courage. Find your purpose.

Hi Martie, such interesting hub need thumbs up.


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 3 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

As always, you've written an interesting and thought-provoking hub, Martie. I hope that your latest relationship is satisfying and brings you much happiness.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

@ Victoria Lynn – Why not give me a new comment as you would like it to appear in the hub? You can either send it via email, or post in here – I will then cut it and paste it in the hub. I would really love it in my hub and not (only) in the comment section. Thank you!

@ Laurinzo Scott – I’ve decided to post another hub with the same topic, but interviews with men. Would you like to send me via email a paragraph with more detail, similar to these of the ladies in the hub? Thank you, Laurinzo.

@ kallini2010 – I was married for 20 years, then I was in a relationship for almost 20 years. So I don’t have all the experience in the world. Since beginning 2010 I am (was) free.

I had a nightmare of a relationship in 2010 with an American con-artist who had pretended to be a gospel preacher. In the meantime he was a glorified bum, alcoholic, drug-addict in search of a woman with a soft heart to take care of him for the rest of his life. But I needed that horrible experience – After that I was able to be grateful for the fact that my ex was an angel comparing to many men on this planet.

In 2011 I had a wonderful relationship with a Welshman. But knowing from the beginning that we were not going to have a future together. He had helped me through a difficult time in my life – overcoming the withdrawal symptoms I’ve had after my resignation at the Musikon. He actually helped me over all my issues. I will always regard him as a kind of a ‘redeemer’ who had restored my honor and worth.

Beginning 2012 I met B, my perfect match.

So what do I know? Perhaps only that aloneness is relative. One can be in a relationship, but completely alone, or alone but so busy with soul-enriching activities that one never feels alone. The latter scenario is my way of living, even while I was married. A man just happens to be one of my soul-enriching (or soul-impoverishing) activities.

I have a few sworn-bachelor friends. I would not recommend them as suitable partners. They are loners stuck in themselves and their own ways; they lack communication skills and MANY other essential skills required by a healthy partnership. Unless they meet someone just like them. We have a saying, directly translated: “Every pot has its own lid.” (Every Jack has his Jill.)

Thank you for your generous comment, Svetlana. I always enjoy your comments!

@ Rosemay50 – Your comment is so profound and true. Those shelves can indeed be pretty cozy. In a way I envy the women on those shelves, those with no husband and children. They have filled their lives with many interesting things I would never get the opportunity to explore.

I’ve always regarded myself as a wild bird OUT of the cage – an eagle – but belonging to a falconer who either treat me good or bad. I also saw/see myself as a queen conquering demons (such as my urge to know and understand too many things), and the man in my life as my castle where I am comfortable and safe.

It is so terribly sad when a woman’s children (or parents when she is young) don’t approve of her choice of partner. It is easier for a man to move on when his beloveds turn their back on him. The cords between a woman and her children always stay alive and ultra-sensitive.

My son was very upset when I got involved with that so-called gospel preacher. He actually saw through the punk from the very start. But his words to me was: “Mom, you are going to see your butt left right and center, but you have my number. Call me when you need help.” This was actually the words of support I got from everyone except from my best girlfriend. Until today she prefers to remember me as the biggest fool she had ever known. Now this is a hub still to be written.

I’ve written a letter from me to myself. But I am no longer that ‘me’, Rosemary. http://martiecoetser.blogspot.com/2011/06/dear-ang...

Thank you so much for your generous comment!

@ sholland10 - I still believe that marriage is supposed to be a safe haven. I honestly envy women who are married to good men. If my husband was like my present boyfriend, I would have been so happy and most probably still married. Believe me, sholland, you are one of those few who lives in the proverbial heaven on earth. Although I am alone, and pretty independent and able to make the best of my life, I would give an arm and a leg to live my life over again, but married to Mr. Perfect-for-me. Thank you so much for sharing your opinion. If you don’t mind, I would like to add it to the hub.

@ Single Shot – Thank you!

@ agapsikap – Thank you so much for your perfect comment! When a relationship fails, all decent people lose trust in themselves. Now what, except another relationship, would give them an opportunity to retrieve lost trust in themselves again? The only other way to happiness is to accept that the right partner was either stillborn or is waiting somewhere in the future. Thanks for the thumbs up :)

@ AliciaC – Thank you! My current relationship is indeed satisfying. I hope that it will last forever.


torrilynn profile image

torrilynn 3 years ago

Hi Martie..

thanks for this hub and for really sharing how

there could be a few possible reasons why people

are lonely and don't have a significant others. thanks again.

Voted up.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 3 years ago

As always, dear Martie, you take the art of journalistic writing to new 'Hub' heights and the inclusion of personal testimonies from various individuals was a brushstroke of genius because it took us right inside their heads and offered us a moment in turn to look at ourselves.

You always make your readers think and feel Martie by bringing us into the debate with equal fine measures of your intellect and emotional input served up to prove once again that you are indeed one of Hubpages' finest writers.

And your marquee of Martie magnificence reads: A thought provoking individual who aspired to make this world a better place and succeeded because she lived, she loved and she cared for her fellow men and women.

Amen.

Sending you sincere warm wishes and big Canadian hugs from Colin, Tiffy and Gabriel at lake erie time ontario canada 1:55pm

Thank you for this invite. It truly made my day.

p.s. - I always love the 'BS' detector in 'all' of your writing. It gives your writing 100% integrity and credibility.


DanaTeresa profile image

DanaTeresa 3 years ago from Ohio

This is a great topic for a hub. An interesting look at why women choose to be alone. I love the way you examined the topic in the form of interviews. First hand accounts always seem to bring out the most information in the most real and realtable way....

I have always preferred to be alone - since childhood. I have always had a small circle of close friends and I have always socialized, but I ultimately need time to myself. I am introverted - time alone energizes me. Being around people is exhausting. I am currently in a relationship but we do not live together. I think living with him would work out because he and I are good about giving each other a lot of space. As far as living with anyone else, I hate it!

Thanks for a great thought provoking article!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York

A very interesting way to write this and make a good point, find your inner strength and then make your decision. What is good for Sally might not be good for Sam and so on. Know thyself first.

Your interviews were interesting and enlightening. You always shed such a ray of light on a subject!

Voted up, useful, and interesting.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD

I am actually in a real relationship for the first time in years and years. Although I love being alone, I am trying to fight that urge and see if I can actually be in a real relationship that eventually evolves into living with someone. It is a challenge because I am used to be alone, but I care about him. We'll see if I can function like so many others that eventually move in and live together happily. Great hub!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

@ torrilynn – Thank you for clicking in for the read and for sharing your thoughts. Much appreciated!

@ epigramman - thank you so much for your beautiful, heart-warming comment. Have I ever told you that your vocabulary is absolutely awesome? But now I wonder exactly what is a 'BS' detector’? Please respond to my email – I NEED your view on this topic. Thanks for being such a loyal friend, Colin :) Loyalty is in my books the most admirable characteristic in a person. Disloyalty erases ALL positive impressions we had formed of a person. Take care up there and give those two beautiful cats of yours a couple of hugs on my behalf.

@ DanaTeresa – I am supposed to be something like 70% extrovert, but believe me, I find being around people also exhausting. I think the only difference between intro and extro, is the latter REST and relax while they’re alone, or they turn the energy they have generated among others privately into products/art/whatever. But is this not exactly what introverts also do? But then, true introverts find it very hard to ‘perform’ in public, unless they have acquired public speaking and acting skills. Thank you so much for enhancing my hub with your view on this topic, Dana.

@ tillsontitan – oh, I really need to be constantly assured that I’ve succeeded in shedding light on a subject. To enlighten the minds of others – to help them see the knowledge and insight in their own minds and what’s hovering in the air around them – which are mostly covered by our anxiety or prejudices – is honestly an urge I was born with. Thank you, Mary!

@ Jeannieinabottle – What an exciting challenge! I must admit that I am too scared to ever again live under the same roof as a man. Because familiarity breeds contempt. Visits – spending time together – is one thing; living together is another thing. I don’t want to ‘get used’ to the man I love; I don’t want to be with him when he is in a bad mood; I don’t want to consider him all the time, feeling guilty because I am doing something I like to do – like hubbing – and he is watching a movie yearning for my company. I am selfish; I don’t want to sacrifice anything of me and myself. I had to this when I was a young woman with an urge to have children. At this stage of my life I have no reason whatsoever to live 24/7 with a man. I love spending time with my friend, and I miss him when he is not with me, but I really need many hours per day all by myself, doing whatever I feel like doing. I wish you the best of luck and only happiness and joy :)

Ps.: There IS truth in the warning: “Don’t destroy a good relationship with marriage.”

But please, don’t allow me to discourage you. What’s good for me is not necessarily good for all. Follow you gut feeling :) Not your heart or mind, because they are deceivers :)


SilverGenes 3 years ago

Martie, this is a very thought-provoking question and the way you have introduced the interviews make it feel as if we are all having lunch together as friends. You know, each of these women has echoed thoughts that I've had at different times in my life. What is the 'right' conclusion to reach at 25 will be entirely different at 48 or 85. I grew up in a time when women had choices but the repercussions were often severe. Women could not buy a house or a car in their own name unless they paid cash and even though this dates back to the early 60s, many still carry that knowledge in a mind-pocket somewhere and it can influence us.

For me, relationships are organic things, constantly growing and changing. Each one has its own character, too. I live alone now and enjoy it for the most part. Yes, there are times it would be nice to have a loving person sitting across from me but if it is not in the cards, then so be it. I find happiness in small things and I like the freedom that comes with vacuuming when I feel like it. The only thing I know for sure is myself (a decades long process!) and that life has a way of surprising us. ;-)


Rolly A Chabot profile image

Rolly A Chabot 3 years ago from Alberta Canada

Hi Martie... enjoyed this and reading of the experiences of each of those girls. I spent many years alone and the hardest time I found was preparing a meal and then sitting to eat it alone. Strange the way we are all so different. Certain times of the year were the hardest like Christmas and other celebrations.

There is joy found in loving another as long as people are allowed their freedom to grow at their own pace and express themselves openly and freely.

Very well written...

Hugs from Canada


mary615 profile image

mary615 3 years ago from Florida

I was happily married for over 20 years to a wonderful man who suddenly died in 1988. I have not been in a relationship since , nor do I care to. I'm just too independent and picky! I'll never find another man like he was. I don't even try.

Great Hub. I enjoyed reading the interviews. Remember the song (I forgot who sang it) where she is glad her man is gone and she says, "one less egg to fry. etc."?

Voted UP.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn.

Another thought provoking, unique and marvelous "Martie Moment" (or two.) Been married and been alone and for me the latter seems to work best.

I like this quote by Charlotte Bronte - “I can live alone, if self-respect, and circumstances require me so to do. I need not sell my soul to buy bliss. I have an inward treasure born with me, which can keep me alive if all extraneous delights should be withheld, or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give.”

Many thank you's Martie for all that you give.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 3 years ago from Toronto, Canada

My dearest Martie:

Sometimes the best answer is in the music -

there is a song that exemplifies my own state of chosen solitude or a break from relationships that do not make any sense now. Either I get ready and find a real one, or I give myself time for healing, picking up the pieces, understanding and whatever it is I have to do BEFORE embarking on any romantic adventures.

It goes like an ultimatum:

"Either love me or leave me or should I forget about you?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7EQrfpZiU8

===============

Lyrics for the curious:

http://lyricstranslate.com/en/o-me-quieres-o-me-de...

http://lyricstranslate.com

Either love me or leave me

Or should I forget about you?

Rather than being like this, with you

I'd prefer for us to break up

I love you, you know that

But games doesn't suit me

Nor to keep putting up with your whims

And your way of thinking

Tell me honestly what you have felt while being with me

Tell me if I have been your lover or your friend

I want to convince myself that of all the good things

That I have always given to you, something remains

Tell me if you were lying whenever you embraced me

And whether you cheated on me after giving me your body

Because your whims make me die of jealousy

I'm not interested in you and your flirting anymore

Sometimes I regret it

Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/o-me-quieres-o-me-de...

===============


epigramman profile image

epigramman 3 years ago

No one writes like Svetlana , Martie. Quite frankly she intimidates me - she's so good. I think I will go back to my former profession of neurotic male dancer for the blind.

Yes, I am back with my 'spurs on' to break down the meaning of :

BS detector = bullsh*t detector - and you have it honey , lol , for I have never met a woman like you and I am afraid that I will never meet another , quite like you. Ole, Amen, and all that jazz.

Just home from work at 5:30am - did ya see your card from me on your wall?

p.s. - and I am only lonely in one area - that 'vacant parking lot' between my ears. Loneliness, sometimes, is an intangible. It's in your mind.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

@ SilverGenes – Amazing how much of ourselves we can see-in others. Not all of ourselves in one person, but parts in many. We are drawn to those in whom we can see the most of our good qualities and we don’t like those who reflect the bad in us. And how we detest those who seem to be happy and successful while being everything we believe is bad in ourselves. When I left my husband I was in particularly slandered by women who have had reasons and the desire to leave their husbands, but not the guts to do it. We should really never judge and condemn others, because in their shoes we might be just like them. Thinking now of single (lonely) women not respecting marriage. Would we respect marriage in their shoes? Would we really refuse the attention of a married man beaming all the qualities we admire in a man? Easy to talk. I always surprise myself in a situation by doing exactly what I have sworn never to do.

Thank you for your lovely comment, Alexandra -:)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

@ Rolly A Chabot – I don’t know why we were made to obtain wisdom only via personal experience. We do obtain knowledge via the experiences of others, but it is one thing to know something and another thing to practice it. I am saying this to emphasize your last paragraph. When I was young, I wanted my husband to be the idea I’ve had of the perfect husband, and he wanted me to be his idea of the perfect wife. Although we were married for ‘ages’, we could not accept anything that did not match our ideas. So we were quite discontented all the time, just ‘working’ the marriage as best as we could according to the rules. And here I must add: one person’s ‘best’ could be another person’s poorest effort. Thanks for your comment, Rolly, and welcome in my corner.

@ mary615 – you sound exactly like my mother. What a beautiful song! I am going to add it to the hub. http://youtu.be/9ZcA3kiaQb0

We women never fall out of love with our idea of the perfect man. (And maybe men, too, are like this?) Most of those who have found Mr. Perfect-to-them and eventually lost him to death, seem to be contented and satisfied for the rest of their lives.

Thank you so much for sharing your view on this topic.

@ vocalcoach – What a perfect quote by Charlotte Bronte! We should find our inward treasure before we even start looking for a partner. Thank you so much for your beautiful comment :)

@ kallini2010 – it is so important to take the time to heal completely before entering a new relationship. People should repair their broken hearts all by themselves, with reinforcement found in their own soul. Fortunately, we KNOW when we are healed, but then, so often, we allow someone to break our (now more vulnerable) heart again.

I agree solemnly with: "Either love me or leave me.” And may the devil (in me) get the one who pretends to love me in order to satisfy his own needs.

Thank you for the fAbUloUs song and lyrics.

@ epigramman – Haven’t your mother taught you that you should NEVER compare yourself to another, but only to your own best self? There is no one able to write epigrams the way you do. Quite intimidating, you yourself. Lol!

Thanks for explaining the BS in BS detector. But you know, Epi, some people are certainly able to fool me. I am naïve. I prefer seeing the good in people and ignoring the BS. But only until they hurt me or my friends. Then I turn into a BS exposer.

Thanks for your beautiful comment. I am going to quote you in my next hub about this topic, with men on the stand.

Yes, I saw your post on my wall. I did say thank you and I’ve even posted a card on your wall.... Hello? But here again, thank you for spoiling me so often with those beautiful cards. Much appreciated!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS

Interesting hub, dear Martie. It may not be strictly "either/or" courage or cowardice, but it certainly needs to involve self-knowledge and ability to really "see" a prospective partner realistically. There's only one person in the relationship one can change or "fix" and that is him/herself. We 'get what we see' in a partner, even if we missed seeing it before becoming committed.

I'm no stranger to being alone and learned as a child to "entertain myself" as it was described. I'm never bored and am fully able to enjoy being alone. I don't feel lonely or abandoned when alone.

I'm also a good partner in a relationship with a good partner. It seems to me that if one is not happy with herself alone, she may be insecure or demanding in a relationship, which will discourage a good one. One must remember that a relationship takes TWO fully willing and able partners in order for it to be really good. Compatibility is necessary. The time to determine that is before becoming committed to a relationship.

Being alone allows one to pursue intense personal interests, which is quite pleasant and for some of us, necessary. It keeps a relationship fresh at the same time. In a good relationship with mutual respect, time alone for doing just that is something both partners encourage, allow and appreciate, even if actual presence together is constant. The degree and amount of "togetherness" partners both prefer should be the standard for them. It's individual - but needs compatibility.

A good compatible relationship is preferable to being alone in most instances but desperation to be in a relationship is tragic and self-defeating. Unequivocally I say hat I much prefer being alone to being in a bad relationship. I've experienced a terrible relationship and a wonderful one; so I know whereof I speak.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

My dearest Nellieanna, thank you so much for a perfect perspective on living alone. So true: "We 'get what we see' in a partner, even if we missed seeing it before becoming committed."

Desperation - desperate to escape a specific condition/environment - instead of 'love or infatuation' - is also so often the reason why people commit themselves hastily in a wrong relationship. I was definitely always 'desperate' instead of 'infatuated'.... The latter came afterwards or not at all :)

I always treasure your comments, my dearest CM :)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS

I wasn't desperate when I committed to a totally wrong first partner, but I was weakened by the trauma and tragedy that had occurred when my sister & her family were taken from life and he happened to be there & seemed to offer a strength I needed then. Well, you know the story.

Bottom line is that we settle too quickly for the wrong reasons. It's not just we gals who do it. Maybe there's a course missing in the curricula of our educations? haha. Seems like we learn more about conjugating a verb, getting a car or choosing an electronic gadget than about selecting a mate for a lifetime! A lot more attention is invested in to which college we apply - and at which we are accepted! Maybe there should be a compulsory course in choosing a mate in school! But, then, who would teach it? Who would be qualified? haha.

Then there's the matter of being able to advise young folks about anything, including what car or gadget to get!! haha.

Somehow the human race has managed to survive, in spite of it all! (hmmmm -- that may need some pondering. Might make another good hub! :-)

Love you, too, dear CD!!


Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 3 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

Great hub, Martie. And a perfect vehicle to share our stories. I am living alone right now. I actually have lived alone for many years; and it is a personal choice to do so. My very best friend for life is Al (you've "met" him through my writing), and he is my family, soul mate in the deepest and least possessive sense, and lifelong companion. We have lived apart but near one another on and off for years; depending upon shared projects, concerns, issues, animals and areas we live or challenges we've taken.

As far as love and relationships, I've just exited my latest which was never meant nor did I ever expect it to be long lasting. It served a purpose for both of us but never fell under the headline of "TRUE LOVe." At my age, I don't look for that and don't desire it.

As time goes by and I've grown older, I have come to know what works for me and what doesn't..as Victoria Lynn said, I cannot imagine living with someone being constantly in my home and in my life. I truly enjoy waking up on my own, in my own time and schedule and having not to be concerned about another's needs or expectations.

Expectations: for me; a relationship killer. It's just who I am...no excuses and no apologies...and I know this to be true. Some might say "selfish." I say, honest. Since I am not in NEED of a partner, and since I am pretty self determined and independent...and since my own interpretations of love, life and communication seem not to fall w/in the norm or the usual these days; I choose to live in my own self made world...it works for me.

My feline companions are a huge part, too, of who I am and this fulfills my need to nurture, love and care for.

I LOVE my alone time; there are so many directions in which I am drawn, so many interests and responsibilities. Having been married once and in several long term, loving relationships....and having seen these come..and go...well, it works for me to be on my own.

I have come to understand that living by and up to my personal standards and self expectations are more important to me than compromise....again, probably seems selfish or something but, for me...this works.

Love the am's...love the late nights, love reading, riding my bike, writing, gardening, my animal friends, my best friends, walking, eating and so many projects; there is no longer the urge or desire to people this world w/a constant companion. A very best friend? yes...I have this in Al..an occasional lover ? Yes...these are easy to find. A lifelong "husband?" NO


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

@ Nellieanna. I think you hit the nail on its head with: “.... we settle too quickly for the wrong reasons.”

I wish ‘Human Behavior’ could become a compulsory subject in schools.

Yes, slowly, very slowly, humans do evolve. How wonderful would it be when we get some kind of a brain manipulator that could prevent psychotic disorders, including all forms of fraud and violence.

I hope you’ll have a wonderful and peaceful weekend, my dear cyber-mother.

@ Lucky Cats, you have no idea how much I appreciate your comments on my hubs. So true: “Expectations are a killer of relationships.” My mother tried to teach me this since I can remember, but still, I’ve always expected too much. I coveted a perfect husband, a perfect marriage, perfect children, perfect friends. I wanted to be perfect myself...

So go figure what a failure I thought I were after my husband’s adultery. (Poor man could not resist the admiration of a chick who had – can you believe it – reminded him of me when I was a young flirting body without brains.)

Fortunately I am no longer a ‘crazy perfectionist’. More than a decade ago I have finally decided to go with the flow and enjoy the journey. Since then I did shoot some rapids, bump into some rocks, almost drown in a whirlpool, and so on. But here I still am, enjoying the adventure. Much more fun than trying to swim upstream. If a tree doesn't fall on me, I will live till I die. Living alone.

But I would like my BF to live a bit closer to me. If he could become my neighbor, my cup will run over.... Lol! (Oh, I love building sand castles!)

Thanks again, Kathy, for sharing your convictions about living alone.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida

Martie, this is such a great hub, as is evident by the responses it has illicited. I have my own anwers to your question. Yes, answers. Plural. I have chosen to be alone, which is very unlike the way I spent most of my adult years. I always HAD to have a man in my life, no matter what I had to deal with to have him there. Then one day I grew up!

I divorced my first husband, my son's father, when my priorities changed and his didn't. We went to counseling. I tried everything I could before giving up. We divorced when my son was 6.

I re-married 5 years after I was divorced. My new husband had 2 grown children and a child half my son's age. We separated (my request) when my husband constantly saw wrong in my son (who was heavy in the depths of ADHD at the time) and my parenting skills, yet his little boy could do no wrong. We re-united (at my request) 2 days before our divorce was to go before the courts. Things were better between my son and him this time. However, I was paying all the bills. I lost sexual desire for him. I asked him to help with the bills, even told him all he had to pay was water, electric and cable and I'd pay the rest. He flat out said "no". So I informed him I saw no reason to further the relationship if it couldn't be a partnership and he said "ok". I divorced him 4 years ago.

December of 2011, when I wasn't looking, I thought I'd found love. We had a whirlwind love affair that ended abruptly when I discovered how much he drinks. I drink too, but he drinks literally 5 times as much as I. I was going thru menopause at the time. When I couldn't stand the sheets or him touching me (you know how night sweats go!) he threw me out of his bed. He got beligerent and I said "no more".

So, now I choose to be alone. My son still lives with me and he is a semi-responsible adult. We have a good relationship - one that will never fade. And I have my cats. They love me know matter what.

I wonder what the men commenting will have to say about my reason for being alone? Hmmm?


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

Bravewarrior, thank you so much for sharing your most interesting standpoint on this topic. Somewhere in this comment section I've exposed my sand-castles - communes for women with our without children. Of course they should be free to enjoy romance, but completely independent, owning their own home in the commune where men, of course, may not live.

Marriage is meant for young people still suffering the urge to multiply. It's purpose is to be a safe haven for parents and especially for children until they are big enough to build their own marriage (nest). Blessed are those who make the right choices; kiddos to those who are truly able to love each other and their children unconditionally and effectively. Let them live happily forever after. But no woman or man should be trapped in an unhappy marriage or relationship, and no children should suffer the consequences of their parent's wrong choices.

Anyway, one day I am going to win the lotto and then I will initialize this regime with a vengeance as powerful as a rocket on its way to Venus.

Shauna, you seem to be a woman knowing exactly what's good for you and not. Thanks again for sharing your convictions, and so firmly justified, about living alone.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida

That's why I'm Bravewarrior! :-) I know what I want and I no longer put up with crap that gets in the way. Even if that means being alone. Hell, I've started accomplishing my dreams now that I'm alone to pursue them!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

Bravewarrior, that was exactly my point of view at the age of 35, when I had realized that strictly speaking half of my life was over. I could not see myself spending the rest of it coping with the same self-centered, heartless husband and soul-deadening problems.

It was unbelievable hard to leave my home and garden, it took me an entire year to say 'goodbye', and then, on top of this, I had to leave my church as well, which was my spiritual home since I could remember - because my (so-called) family-in-Christ proved themselves to be hypocrites.

While accomplishing my dreams with a vengeance, I was actually for the first ten years proverbially in hell, fighting the demons in my soul - my disappointment in life and people and even in God, and all my failures and scattered dreams - conquering them one by one. Since 2000 I am truly happy, going with the flow, meeting all challenges coming my way with a song in my heart, and sometimes with tears. Life is an adventure, too short to spend in any kind of hell. I will never again saddle myself up with friends of any nature that prove themselves to be millstones round my neck.

So go for it, Shauna. Don't look back. Let me give you a song ~ http://youtu.be/VFuz0aT30TM - Let your own ambitious Self keep on calling you - :)


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 3 years ago from Central Florida

Awesome song. Thank you, Martie!


Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 3 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

My dear Martie....this quote is one for the recordbook and one for time immemorial: "More than a decade ago I have finally decided to go with the flow and enjoy the journey. Since then I did shoot some rapids, bump into some rocks, almost drown in a whirlpool, and so on. But here I still am, enjoying the adventure. Much more fun than trying to swim upstream. If a tree doesn't fall on me, I will live till I die. Living alone."

What a poetic way to describe life's ups and down; trevails and celebrations, losses and victories! Love it. I second that emotion!!!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Kathy, thank you, I knew you would know exactly what I was trying to say. I am so glad you came back. Now I can give you the link to the interviews with men on the same topic. Quite interesting! - http://hubpages.com/relationships/Living-Alone-Do-...


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 3 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Well I met my husband when I was 16.. and married him at 19. after losing three babies to death. for some reason they could not live inside me .. I was devastated.. after he told me he never wanted a baby anyway I took it hard... . I . divorced him three years later and .. was single for a couple of years and met my sons father.. he was brutal to me... I had my two sons.. and sever years later I could not stand the brutality of his hands.. so me and my sons were alone .. for 4 years.. I struggled but I survived.. then my first husband came back and we reconciled. and I realized we both a grew up and fell in love again..

so we married again.. we have been together now for 24 years.. yes I get mad and I live.. he hurts me and I leave.. lol and eventually come back.. can't seem to live without him.. anyway that's been my life..

great hub Martie.. blessings

Debbie


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

Deborah, it breaks my heart to know you've had so much heartache and pain. Some men don't deserve the oxygen they breathe. Also good to know that your dream to be a mother have realized. Let's face it, you are still up and about, still able to love... And because of all you have experienced you are able to write poems about the heights and depths of love and life. So go for more and take good care of yourself :)


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 3 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Thank you Martie.. you are so awesome to know.. what a blessing you are...


midget38 profile image

midget38 3 years ago from Singapore

And whatever choice we make, we accept the responsibilities that come with it. Sharing again, Martie!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

Midget, of course, accepting the responsibilities for better or for worse is the key to happiness. Your support is much appreciated :) BTW, I've done some interviews with men - You will find THEIR view on living alone very interesting. I think I have link this hub to the interview. (I am in the Comments-section now, so I cannot see the hub.)

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working