Lost Love - the Aftermath

The Wilderness of Loss
The Wilderness of Loss

Lost Love – the Aftermath

By Tony DeLorger © 2011

Amid confusion and panic of the sudden dissolution of a long-term relationship, no-one can see the underlying truth. As what happens is often unexpected to one party, the shock places this party into a numbing cloud of disbelief. In this state there is nothing other that intense grief and a pain that is so deep-rooted in our hearts it is hard to imagine it ever stopping.

I have experienced this twice in my life and the second time didn’t benefit at all from the experience of the first. We go into a period of denial where our senses are partly shut down to save us from what we see as death. When first we make that intimate connection with another human being, we create something other than the two participants. We create an entity that is ‘the couple’, a oneness of living and purpose. This unconditional surrender to each other is a powerful and significant factor that while this union exists, determines so much of our life path. When suddenly this dissipates, life appears pointless and without purpose.

These feelings of course fade in time and at some point in the future the next phase ensues. This point of change could be expressed as ‘someone turning on the light’ . Suddenly the numbing haze clears a little and the reality that once was changes significantly. We see the relationship from another perspective and discover some truths about the partner.

I think for relationships to work and run smoothly, we often unknowingly blind ourselves to certain aspects and realities. One could call this compromise but I think it’s much deeper than that. Often this blindness can be for self-protection, knowing deep down that in the end the relationship has serious flaws and in a way is doomed to fail. Had we the strength and insight, we would probably know this from the outset and not commit to any long-term relationship. But we are basically romantics and have this innate belief that love conquers all, something that is instilled in us through that Hollywood version of life.

When the light turns on, we see the truth and it’s often not pretty. That of course does not direct blame just to the partner, our truth has played just as much a part in this fiasco. The importance here is to learn from the experience and hopefully not make the same mistakes.

The following poem depicts that first phase of distress and loss. Hope you like it.

The Shroud

By Tony DeLorger© 2011

Cloaked darkness, the sweet scent of reticence, shroud the very core of me.

Take not the pity into truth, but let me wallow, and hidden be.

Indecision for all its corruption, often times is slumber need,

and rest for a soul in torment, a shell not ready to crack.


When strength again returns, I’ll greet what ironies await,

and take the bitter pill of bravery, and face the other’s world.

Contempt for these cycles is unavoidable, and partaken I may have been,

but surrender is often all that a poor soul can muster, all that can be done.


The distance between light and darkness is but a blink,

and the swell of life, abundant.

I ask only that my journey be unburdened by lessor intent,

and that I move forward with naked eyes, regardless of pain.

When lost becomes the journey’s end, a soul is sent to lost again.

Forward I must.

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Comments 1 comment

Heidi Scheffler 5 years ago

Shakespeare you are....Bxx

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