True Love is Patient and Kind

Newlyweds

I will love you forever
I will love you forever | Source

Marriage - In the Beginning

As two independent people enter into a marriage relationship the chances of making it 'til death do us part' are scarce. Most couples enter into the sacred bonds of marriage with the best of intentions and an attitude of commitment and loyalty.

Naturally during the dating years, with star lit eyes, their love is patient and kindtoward each other. They have been on their best behavior and see only the strengths of their beloved.

Standing at the alter the two promise their unconditional love for one another. Their inexperienced expectation is to keep their vows and they eagerly anticipate a lifetime of love together through good times and bad. Only experience can show them just how bad the bad can get.

Star filled eyes, trusting hearts, hands eager to bless, such is the status for many an idealistic newlywed. Will those vows remain unbroken or will they crash into pieces just as Humpty Dumpty ... who so trustingly and vulnerably sat on the wall ... and had that great fall?

It's All About Me

Self Centered
Self Centered | Source

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Self Centered and Self Serving

Most newlyweds are naïve about the dangers lurking behind those vows they commit to on their wedding day.

These dangers will rear their ugly heads and threaten the innocence of their love. Some of the dangers include, the cop out of complacency, sabotage of selfishness, torrid of temptations and pursuit of adventures and ventures apart from your loved one.

Newlyweds do not yet fully grasp the fact that a marriage must be nurtured or it will fizzle out and die. If it is neglected the joy and the life giving love of your union will literally drain from the foundation.

We all have a choice. We may not be able to control our spouse but we can choose to love as God loves us. We have a choice to encourage and invest in our spouse or to drain and take from him. Love is the answer. Not the kind of love we hear about in love songs but the kind of love God wrote about in His word. Far too many give up before learning how to love.

Human nature and our culture are very self centered and self serving. We want to be happy, we think we deserve to be served, entertained and have someone meet our deepest needs. This expectation is unrealistic because no one person can do that. Doesn't it make sense to kick self to the curb before entering into the bonds of marriage?

It is the 'You first' mentality that brings a couple close. I know, not popular today, but let me ask you a question ... How do you think the 'Me First' mentality is working?

Wisdom will keep God in the center of a relationship. God can do what no man on earth can do. He not only see's into our heart but has the power to change it. As we commit our relationship, actions and thinking to God we can count on HIm to lead us and prompt us to love, cherish and bless our loved one.

God's Way
God's Way | Source

The Power of a Praying Wife

The Power of a Praying Wife
The Power of a Praying Wife

There is power in prayer. As a wife prays for her husband it keeps her focused on God's will for him. Stormie shares powerful prayers for all areas concerning your husband's life.

 

God Makes the Difference

In my experience, of forty years of marriage, God makes all the difference between an attitude of surviving versus a position of thriving.

If you tend to be idealistic don't think that means God magically makes your marriage thrive when you include Him. No, thriving takes work and practice. There will be feelings that come and go. There will be storms and trials that will threaten to rip you apart.

Marriage is not easy. Sacrifice and putting another first is required. If a spouse looks to God for guidance and learns to love as He loved us that holy and celestial love naturally spills, over and onto the other.

If you are married to a self-centered, clueless spouse, do not think you are off the hook. We are still called, by God, to love and respect our spouse. Loving that spouse does not mean your emotional fulfillment is to be found in him. We love because God first loved us, and we love with humility as a calling of obedience to God.

Before we continue, I want to make clear that I do believe there are exceptions. You do not have to be a doormat to anyone or be used for another's outlet for self-centered abuse or anger. God did not make you be the instrument of another person's abuse.

As you read God's description of true love, think of how this kind of love could transform you and complete you.

When God's true love is firmly planted, and a part of who you are, it shines out through your eyes, softens your words and shows up in your actions. Do not think your spouse (who may seem indifferent) does not see it. God, in most cases, will use the love within you to break the hard cast shell (seemingly impenetrable) around his heart. Your spouse cannot miss the fact that he is the blessed recipient of undeserved and unselfish love.

Does this mean we must be perfect? No way, not even close. We are all human and slip into our own selfish, hedonistic ways. Apart from God's grace and His work in our hearts we hurt each other and allow selfishness to infiltrate us. BUT, beloved ones, when God is first in our lives our hearts will continually go back to HIM and then in humility we go back to each other. When we run to God, we acknowledge His truth and His power to forgive and equip us to love. This true love is the glue that binds a couple to one another.

Love Is

Here is what God's true love looks like; It is found in the Bible. In I Cor. 13:4-8a the definition of Love is also known as 'The Fruits of the Spirit' Author, Father God.

  • Love is patient,
  • love is kind.
  • It does not envy,
  • it does not boast,
  • it is not proud.
  • It does not dishonor others,
  • it is not self-seeking,
  • it is not easily angered,
  • it keeps no record of wrongs.
  • Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
  • It always protects,
  • always trusts,
  • always hopes,
  • always perseveres.
  • Love never fails.

Love Is Not

Love is not a feeling and it is not defined by needs desires. The message coming out of Hollywood, plastered on billboards, displayed through romance novels etc.tells us that love:

  • is beautiful
  • is a feeling
  • is being showered in presents
  • means I am being catered to
  • is getting my needs met
  • takes my breath away
  • is a fairy tale existence
  • means all my needs met
  • will complete us

Basically the false message proclaims, find love and all of your desires will be satisfied. These imposters of true love are all about 'me' and what 'you' can do for me. This false chasing after happiness is a sham. It is nothing less than self centered gratification.

If you have lived long enough then you have witnessed many broken relationships that were based on a fairy tale myth about love. As a one-sided relationship unfolds the one doing the giving, giving, giving will eventually recognize he/she is being taken advantage of and soon afterwards the protective walls of commitment come tumbling down.

So, how does one turn from selfishness to authentic love? First of all you need to understand that feelings have nothing to do with true love. Feelings can swing from tenderness to hostility at any given moment. They are JUST feelings and nothing more.

As you read God's definition of love did you find the word 'feelings' listed anywhere. Why? Because feelings come and go. Feelings are up and down. What would happen to us if we followed our feelings in all areas of our lives?

Imagine waking up in the morning and thinking I don't feel like getting up for work. Do you listen to your feelings when the alarm goes off? NO! You tell your feelings what you are going to do.

The same is true with love .. it is a choice. Don't feel like being loving? Tell your feelings that they will follow your commitment to love. Love because your spouse needs your love ... love because it will build your marriage ... love because it makes you a better person.

Love is about commitment and choosing to practice acts of love. It is to give of yourself with the purpose of investing in the betterment of the one you love. When you choose to love it returns to you many times over.

If your husband is self-centered or miserable, you don't have to be miserable in your marriage. You have a choice. We all have a choice and are not victims of our circumstances. Drop the expectations and choose to build a strong relationship with God. As you love with a Corinthians kind of love it will endure and weather the storms of life. Can you imagine if both husband and wife practiced love according to God?

Protect your marriage by putting God first and putting God's love into practice. Pray for your partner and practice the 'fruits of the Spirit' in your communication with and actions towards him/her.

Marriages that face Ruin

After writing this hub, I feel it necessary to acknowledge that there are people in marriages who are suffering. Good people who have loved and given sacrificially to their beloved.

You took your vows very seriously but your spouse has betrayed his vow to you. Understand that we can only control our own actions and reactions. If love is one-sided or if a departure of love has led to infidelity or abuse .. with an unrepentant heart .. then it cannot be blessed for God is no longer in it.

After you have done all you know and have prayed and acted out God's definition of love - your spouse still has the choice to self-indulge and/or dishonor you.

If you are God's child, He will never leave you or forsake you. He will be your constant when your world goes wrong. I pray for you my friend that our God will bind up all your wounds and grant you peace in knowing you are His and He is yours. Even in the best of marriages God still brings each child of His to understand that it is He and Him alone who can fill all of our needs.

True Love

Chris Medina was a contestant on American Idol in 2011. His story of true love touched the heart of America. Chris's fiancée was in an automobile accident and suffered serious brain damage. Grab a Kleenex as you listen to Chris' story and song of true commitment and love.

What are Words if you really don't mean them?

What Are Words - True Love Story & song by Chris Medina

Marriage Prayer

Lord, teach us to love each other as you have loved us. While we were yet in sin wrapped up in ourselves You gave your very life so that we could live - abundantly now and eternally in Heaven.

Give us the strength to love like that. Bless our marriages and keep us close to your heart I pray. Prompt us and discipline us when we get engrossed in our own self-centered ways. May we, as a couple, be a light and a hope in a very dark world a light that shines brightly and exclaims .. LOVE still Lives.

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Comments 32 comments

Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 3 years ago from Michigan Author

Leveritis, Yes, when we choose to do the right thing we experience peace. We have no control over our spouse but 'most' of the time patience and kindness softens the heart of our spouse so that harmony reigns.

Appreciate your keen insights and encouragement as always.

God Bless You!

Mekenzie


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 3 years ago from Michigan Author

Jackie, I agree that 'easy' is not a word to describe marriage. A good marriage requires much tending; just as a garden does. Weeding out the destroyers that creep in and then replacing them good with the seeds referred to in I Cor. 13.

As we cultivate love by yielding to the Master gardener - He makes our marriage beautiful. Thanks for the encouragement!

Blessings to you!

Mekenzie


Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 3 years ago from Southern Clime

Beautiful, awesome, useful, interesting, and voting up! What love!

When a spouse is self-centered and heartless, the other should love without wavering. If the marriage fails, the good spouse will find peace in knowing that he/she did not fail in giving all. Payback and immoral acts of vengeance only hurt self and not the loveless spouse. Besides, an effort to hurt someone is not an act of love. It merely gives him/her a reason to feel justified in wrongdoing.

Aside from knowing this, it can be difficult to resist the urge to strike back when one is severely hurt.

Thanks for such a fine description of true love.


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

A good marriage truly is not an easy thing. Beautiful and such true info you have written. ^


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 3 years ago from Michigan Author

Hi Betty, So nice of you to stop by for a read and a heartfelt comment. True love is so different from what most believe love to be.

God Bless you for your kind words of encouragement! I need to stop by to visit one of your hubs soon.

Mekenzie


bettybarnesb profile image

bettybarnesb 3 years ago from Bartlett, TN

Mekenzie, as always you produce such great work. This piece is no exception. It is beautifully written and with such heart. Nothing can replace "words of wisdom."

Thank you greatly for sharing. I voted you up!!!

be blessed....


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 3 years ago from Michigan Author

Awe Sparklea, you are such an encourager. Our generation is so ME orientated and it is destroying the sanctity of marriage. Divorce breaks my heart too and we know it breaks the heart of God as well. He does allow for it in certain circumstances but it is certainly not His ideal will for his children. A marriage is supposed to be a picture of Christ and the Church .. how far we have fallen.

I am so glad to know you'll be back to writing soon as you are one of my favorite writers here on hubpages. Oh, and Chris Medina .. I know, I wept too .. I think we must be kindred spirits. :) P.S. It is now 40 years for my hubby and me. Congrats to you and your hubby too - we are actually one year ahead of you ... ;)

God bless you sweet sister,

Mekenzie


Sparklea profile image

Sparklea 3 years ago from Upstate New York

MeKenzie: Voted up, beautiful and awesome.

Your hub should be at every wedding ceremony, being passed out to the newlyweds.

You covered so many important issues...ESPECIALLY the you-first, me-first. I SO agree. Marriage is hard work, and it breaks my heart to see so many falling apart, especially in this day and age. Both my son and daughter have divorced. My sister's son is on his third marriage. Most of my friends' children have been through divorce also.

This is why your hub is so important...and true.

Thank you for taking time to write about an extremely important topic.

God bless you real good. I want to visit more of your hubs, as well as so many others. Saying life has been hectic is an understatement, but, like you, my passion is writing. I'll be back. Love Sparklea :)

PS: I remember Chris Medina on American Idol, and I remember weeping at his story.

Also, Congratulations on 38 years of marriage! My husband and I were married 39 years in May.


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 3 years ago from Michigan Author

Hi there ero, thank you for confirming that you see the truth about love in this hub. I hope you watched the video - it is such a tender and loving portrayal of a man who knows what love really means.

Blessings to you!

Mekenzie


erorantes profile image

erorantes 3 years ago from Miami Florida

I like Your article Miss Mekenzie. It is true. What you are saying about love.


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 3 years ago from Michigan Author

langson, glad you stopped by for a read. Nice to meet you!

Blessings,

Mekenzie


langson profile image

langson 3 years ago

Nice Hub Mkenzie


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 3 years ago from Michigan Author

Hi Ron, it is nice to meet you. Thank you for your words of wisdom which add to the hubs message. I wrote this a long time ago.

Your comment caused me to revisit it and edit it adding some clarification. You know they say a writers work is never done. ;)

God Bless YOU!

Mekenzie


RonElFran profile image

RonElFran 3 years ago from Mechanicsburg, PA

I really appreciate the perspective you bring to this hub through both Scripture and your personal experience. In today's "me, me, me" world, it can't be emphasized enough that "feelings have nothing to do with true love." Thanks for making that point so clear.


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 4 years ago from Michigan Author

Bless you dear lyric, Going to God at such a young age; both you and your wife is remarkable, almost miraculous .. and to know God answered the desires of your heart is such a powerful message. Thank you for sharing your story - I am blessed to know that not only have you have found your love but that you also get it .. love takes constant work (and nurturing, and giving of self etc.) It is worth every second, I agree.

Thanks for your lovely and heartfelt words of encouragement!

God Bless you and your sweetheart!

Mekenzie


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 4 years ago from West Virginia

Mckenzie, everything you say is so true. This is a great hub, wise hub. My wife and I both said prayers every day to find true love. She was 10 at the time and I was 12. I never understood why I felt I needed love at that age. Every prayer that I have sent up, that I truly meant from the heart, has been fulfilled. I have everything I ever wanted. I believe in my heart that we were part of God's plan. 10 years together now and we miss each other daily. True love is a great feeling. Here I am going on and on:) This explains a lot of important things. Being married takes constant work. It is worth every second though when it is right.


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 4 years ago from Michigan Author

Hello Brett, I agree that a relationship is work that should be enjoyable. As long as there is mutual respect and desire to please. In my years of counseling women; it is sad to say that it is a rare thing to find both partner's who work to please each other. Selfishness is rampant in relationships. Praise God when it does happen.

I agree that too many rush into marriage. It takes time to really know a person. Rushing into what is supposed to be a life commitment will most likely leave you disillusioned with wrongly formed impressions. Only time will give us a good peek into the soul of the one we have come to love.

Thank you for your comments and I appreciate your feedback and encouragement!

Blessings!

Mekenzie


Brett.Tesol profile image

Brett.Tesol 4 years ago from Somewhere in Asia

You make some valid points. A relationship is work, but it should be the kind that you enjoy, as you should want to please each other. I believe that too many rush into marriage, instead of getting to know each other and learning how to share their lives.

SOCIALLY SHARED, up and interesting.


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 4 years ago from Michigan Author

alocsin, so nice to have you come to my hubs for a read. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I hope you got to listen to the song. It touches me every time I hear it. It's a true story and song from Chris Medina's heart.

Blessings!

Mekenzie


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

Wise and true words, especially about needing to nurture love. Voting this Up and Interesting.


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 4 years ago from Michigan Author

Hello MFB, thank you for the kind words. I have missed your sage words and poetry.

Hugs!

Mekenzie


MFB III profile image

MFB III 4 years ago from United States

great thoughts here Mckenzie, and it's good to be back in a limited capacity, and it's good to see you climb off the writers block. I enjoyed this hub.~~~MFB III


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 5 years ago from Michigan Author

Bernard, Great advice! Thank you so much for leaving your wisdom on this page. Your sage advice would be good for hanging on a mirror to review each day.

God Bless you!

Mekenzie


sunkentreasure profile image

sunkentreasure 5 years ago

SECRETS OF LOVE By BERNARD LEVINE

Make your love one feel special everyday.

Do not allow your lives to become routine -

prepare lots of different activities to enjoy.

Never take your loved one for granted.

Keep your love forever precious,

sacred and beautiful.

What you put into your love

is what you will get out of your love.

Enrich your lives with prayer.

Always be your partners best friend.

© Bernard Levine


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 5 years ago from Michigan Author

Betty, Nice to meet you! Thank you so much for your sweet and encouraging note. The song I posted makes me weep with thanksgiving that this young man knows and lives true LOVE.

God Bless and keep you Close to His heart!

Mekenzie


bettybarnesb profile image

bettybarnesb 5 years ago from Bartlett, TN

Hey McKenzie: This article will indeed bless every reader whether they are married or not. Nothing speaks louder than someone who write from their heart and that is what you have done. Enjoyed it very much.

Be Blessed


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 5 years ago from Michigan Author

sam-eg, I know what you mean when you say some may feel they have lost their freedom. It's like, the hunt is over, I got my prize now I'll move on to something else. A couple who believe God has the answers to life will both base their lives on HIS truth (In this case a Corinthians love) and find that it is the answer to keeping them close to each other.) Thanks you for the comment and for stopping by.

God Bless you,

Mekenzie


sam-eg profile image

sam-eg 5 years ago from Happy Land

Hi, truly it’s a great hub and I totally agree with “you only control you actions and reactions” , also when you were talking about nurturing your marriage as you had nurtured your dating period but I think when people got in to commitment make them feel more contained and they had lost a part of their freedom , were by it lead them to forget about caring for their relationship and pay more attention to their lost freedom and that is the main difference between dating and marriage period.


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 5 years ago from Michigan Author

Thank you Susan54, Congrat's on your long-term marriage, you know what it takes girlfriend. :0)

Blessings!

Mekenzie


susan54 profile image

susan54 5 years ago

Mekenzie,I love your hub,I have been with my husband for over 35 years.Thanks


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 5 years ago from Michigan Author

Oh Sunnie,

Thank you for being the first to comment. I have revised the hub a few times since you commented. I have a habit of publishing too quickly .. ahh I should know better by now. God bless you dear.

Mekenzie


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Hello Mckenzie,

Thank you so much for a wonderful hub written with much wisdom and perfect advice for anyone coming into a marriage or that is struggling.

God bless,

Sunnie

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