Love doesn't Have To Hurt

I bought a house March of last year. I checked out the neighborhood and it seemed to be a nice place to live. Nice and quiet , and everyone was very friendly. I met everyone except for the neighbors to my left. Everyone came over to welcome me to the neighborhood. The people next to me on the left didn't come over, so I didn't think anything of it. As time past we just said hello or just nodded their head to say hi. It seemed that all the couples got along pretty much. That's why I was so surprised when I was washing dishes and happened to look out my window,my neighbors were washing their Harley's, and suddenly,the  husband came over to her and with all his might, he punched her on the back. I couldn't believe what I just saw. Wow I felt so bad for her, I wish I knew her better, so I would be able to speak to her. Since I didn't , and not wanting to intrude I left it alone.. If I did intervene she might have told me to mind my own business, and I just didn't trust her husband. He might retaliate later on ,so I kept my mouth shut. Still don't know if it was the right thing to do.Just trying to keep the peace In the neighborhood.

Bad Boys

Some women not all , but there are some that like bad boys. Guess what? that's exactly what they get, bad boys which are also bad husbands,and fathers. Oh my, who would have thought it. She ended up with exactly what she wanted, and that is a BAD BAD BOY! Women have to stop this, for the sake of their children. Their sons will think this OK behavior to treat a women this way. Her daughter will feel that's its OK to take the abuse because mom put up with it, so therefore she will. There you go, a never ending cycle. I say, "women no more". don't take it any more. Men are supposed to be our soul mates, our lovers and our best friends not our controllers. Most of these men don't know when they have a good thing until its to late.

What Gives Them The Right!

What I witnessed was humiliating,demeaning,devastating , degrading. Now I ask you how could the word' Love' be involved in this situation? I have known plenty of women that just put up with it. Making excuses for their husbands like, they have a lot on their minds right now, or his job isn't going well. I say "enough already stop the madness" . Stand up women and say enough! The old excuse , and I know everyone out there knows what it is ( but I LOVE Him) can't tell you how many times I have heard that one. I don't have much patience for people like that , because the kind of person that I am, strong and independent can't understand that mentally.I would never put up with anyone putting their hands on me. I do feel bad for this women, its very devastating I am sure. Another thing when you say I do. it doesn't mean I have become your property. This person does not own you,and to do with as he wishes. What nerve he has. I was going to say ( What Balls he has) but I didn't , and I feel good about that HA HA.

Teaching Women How to Survive , Inspiring, How to Thrive.

one thing I remember when my ex asked me asked for a divorce. I thought I was lost and scared , I didn't how I was going to survive without him, because that's all I knew. Well needless to say I was so much better off without him in my life, of course I didn't realize this until a year later. The weight had been lifted, it was liberating. I didn't know the extent of my unhappiness until that moment in my life. Women it might seem like the end of the world , but believe me its just the beginning. Trust me the world gets so much better.We as women have much to offer as,mothers,sisters,aunts.and grandmothers. Its our job to spread the love and knowledge for the next generation to come.

Comments 38 comments

passonno73 profile image

passonno73 6 years ago

Great hub....It's unfortunate that you had to look out your window to see that.He sounds like a real "Tool".

Pamela Kinnaird W profile image

Pamela Kinnaird W 6 years ago from Maui and Arizona

I found your article interesting and touching. This part of it though -- She ended up with exactly what she wanted -- I don't feel is accurate in most cases. I know there's a huge spectrum of situations, but in the few situations I've encountered, the women made bad choices because the men were such good actors. When each of these women found out the true nature of the man she was married to, she felt love and compassion for him. Two of these women also had small children from the abuser. That's very hard to leave behind and usually takes a huge, awful bad thing to happen plus counseling to get over it.

I really liked the last couple of sentences in your article. As women, as grandmothers, mothers, sisters, aunts and community members where we live, each person has much to contribute and a reason to be happy to be themselves. Women need to learn not to tie up their identity with that of a spouse or boyfriend. They are their own person -- loved by a Father in Heaven.

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

Thank you for reading. I felt her pain. I will pray for her. Thank you @ pamela I value your opinion.

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

Thank you Passonno for reading i sure do appreciate it.

ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas

Hi Rose nicely written hub. There are so many things to consider about the battered wife as you know I was abused for a long time before I finally left for good. I don't necessarily felt like I was weak for not leaving but there are just many things to consider, especially children. But at least my story had a happy ending and it feels great to not be in that stepping on egg shells situation anymore. Nicely done cheers.

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

Hey ladyjane thanks your opinion means so much.Thanks for the reading.

And my i add you are looking good these days. LOL.

valeriebelew profile image

valeriebelew 6 years ago from Metro Atlanta, GA, USA

Wonderful hub; Christina A is also one of my favorite entertainers. I did not grow up in a home of domestic violence, but lived in such a relationship for a short period of time, before moving on. I guess I knew it wasn't what I wanted, but I think those who grew up in such circumstances do not know this isn't what a relationship between a man and woman is supposed to be like. Basically, on all levels, we get out of relationships what we allow and insist upon. Good hub. (: v

Whidbeywriter profile image

Whidbeywriter 6 years ago from Oak Harbor on Whidbey Island, Washington

Great hub - I can totally understand why some women stay as I did for so many years...but when you leave it is so liberating.....thanks for sharing those thoughts. Good job.

geegee77 profile image

geegee77 6 years ago from The Lone Star State!!

Wow that was a great hub good job, Thank God Ive never gone through that but I feel for the women and hope they can get liberated from their situations. Love ya

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read my hubs.

I do try to write about life as it happens everyday.

True stories.

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LUKES 6 years ago

Im a new writer to the hub. This is the first story i read: and i m completely troubled by it. Im 33 yrs old and a single fauther who has never ever assaulted a woman. When i was younger i watched my father at a young age hit my mother . So as a young man i would see the shatterd look in my moms face, and see the embarass ment when she would look at me. I will say this as a man i can still see her face , and how angry i felt that i was her son but to small to protect her . Wich is away he would abue me by saying ( come on your not going to stop me from hitting your own mother then a few choice words ). To this day i still cant see a woman get hit infront of me with out a instant and most the time violent action . So first off if hes hitting her its only a matter of time he hits them and his son will look at it one of two ways first that its ok to hit woman.Second he will go threw what i went threw and be so overly protective of them that he alows himself to be in harms way . I also agree that most men like that dont apreciate what they got until its over . my self i have been seperated for a long, long time. I choose to remain single because i want to devote my attention on my son how ever when i see a man with a beautiful family and he dont respect what he has i think to myself what a waste.The hub was very good and i hope you enjoyed a mans point of view on it.

SwiftlyClean profile image

SwiftlyClean 6 years ago from Texas

This is so true and very deadly,It is ashame how some women put thier lives through this abuse.

My daugher's first real realationship started off with a bad boy and the first sign of abuse started by him sitting at her job allday then virbal.When that happen my Family and I packed all his things and drove him back where he came and said never to come back.The slum never returned.After all he is now in and out of jail.

My daughter now have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children an she is very happy.To think if we would not have been there for her.What would have happen to my only daughter?

Great Hub!

Love don't Hurt at all!a that kinda jealous love Kills.

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

@ lukes thanks for your mans piont of view. And welcome to hubpages.

@Swiftlyclean thank you for reading. and i am so glad your daughter had her family to help her.

swray1966 profile image

swray1966 6 years ago

I agree. I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship. However, I think we as women need to not be afraid to step up and support one another. We set back and say it is someone elses problem. We know things about men and just keep our mouths shut or some have affairs with married men. We need to be more proactive in support of each other. Men are winning that game. They are laughing at our silence.

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

After writing this hub I did do some thing after seeing another episode, I have been getting grief from my actions ever since. Not just from him but also form her. She told me "you need to mind your own business" just like I thought, so now they both hate me, how about that. She might wake up some day ,but I don't know when.

Thanks for reading@Swray1966

gpaarman profile image

gpaarman 6 years ago from Belton, Missouri

Great hub. I feel for you Rose56 being stuck in the middle is not good. Dont give up .

epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

...but I am certainly receiving a lot of love from your life affirming hubs ....... with your poetic thoughts on life written in your very own unique way!

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

You flatter me. I sure do apperciate thank you very much.

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

Rose, you hit on a subject that has been around for years but not spoken of for many of them. It was taboo to speak of it. Men who do this have temper and control issues. They have a need to control but the wife is the only one who seems to respond to their threats. The wife is ashamed that it is happening and does not want anyone including her family to know. She hides it like the perverted act that it is. She rationalizes it in light of staying there for the children and the excuses go on and on. Beyond that, those women who do muster the strength to attempt to extricate themselves from it end up getting attacked even worse or possibly killed by this out of control freak. Many of them have found out the hard way that defending themselves from their stalking estranged husband is difficult to say the least. The law does not want to do much more than issue restraining orders until something more "concrete" occurs. Unfortunately, that concrete action may be the death of the woman. This woman needs a good friend very badly. Of course, he keeps her away from people so she does not develop those connections. Without some help with the rational thought process, she will remain there and alone and this will continue. On the other hand, I see your dilemma in attempting to insert yourself into a situation in which you really do not know the parties or what they are capable of in the end. Ironically, she might tell you to mind your own business if you tried to help. Sooner or later, the police cars will be there with lights flashing....probably in the wee hours of the morning. That might be the start of something new....WB

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

You are right it has been around for a long time, and we will never get rid of it.I just don't understand this because i would never stand for it. I am to head strong and yes even stubborn to put up with these act of cruelty

And you know Love isn't supposed to hurt. A man and a woman are there for each other to support and love and defend each other to be able to grow old together with respect.

Thank you WB.

dawnM profile image

dawnM 6 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

the best thing that a woman can do for herself is to choose her spouse properly, becasue once you have children with them, you have just brought two innocent lives into the picutre.

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

@dawnM thanks for reading. I agree with you. so true.

saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

Abuse is world wide and almost becoming a pandemic amongst couples and the children quite often suffer. I have written hubs of divorce and abuse. I suffered at the hands of a madman when I was younger, I grew stronger and he grew weaker and eventually was killed by anothers hand. You can try to help some people and you will be told to mind your own, but at least you took notice, they have their lives to live and die by. If she is can't escape from his abuse or just doesn't want to their is nothing you can do. I would turn my head for now. If it got worst and it affected you, I would call the police. We can't save them all, some just don't listen.

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

@ saddlerider thank you for the advice I sure do appreciate it. And thanks for reading my hubs.

maruthirp profile image

maruthirp 6 years ago from Hyderabad

There is always good and bad in the world and it remains even after we pass away. We must be positive in understanding the love.

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

@ maruthirp thats for reading. and I agree with you.

DC 6 years ago

There is also the mental and physical abuse men receive. I know personally of 2 men who took physical abuse, which included being dosed with hot coffee and hit with a metal bat and when the cops arrived one friend , who did not want his kids to see the mother arrested, went to jail. Men feel that they might be considered "wimps' if they complained so there is enough blame to go around. Men have physical strength while women have strength of mind and guess which one wins.

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

@ DC I understand where you are coming from. I used to know someone just like that. Thanks for reading.

Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 6 years ago from US

Probably a lot of whys women take this from men we could never guess unless we did get to know them. Great hub, Polly

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hubpageswriter 6 years ago

Excellent hub. There should be more awareness for non-violence between couples, and this apply for both men and women alike. Love doesn't have to hurt, what an excellent title. Keep writing, rose.

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

@pollyannalana thanks for reading.

@hubpageswriter thanks for reading I appreciate you reading.

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

When a man Loves a woman its hard to understand.

noorin profile image

noorin 6 years ago from Canada

Well written, though thankfully i ve never ever been exposed to such experiences, im truly saddened to see individuals, be it women or children going through humiliating experiences either emotionally, mentally or physically for abuse comes in different shades.

Rated it up !!!

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Dchosen_01 6 years ago

Nice Hub, I am touched, but I want to get your ending quite clear. So is the solution to such marriages a Divorce?

your reply will be well appreciated

Rhonda Waits profile image

Rhonda Waits 6 years ago from The Emerald Coast

Great hub. I live in Florida a small town in the Panhandle. I have often seen this and I always wonder why? My best friend she attracts these kind of guys. She feels she is not worthy unless there mean to her. I just keep hoping and praying she will break this cycle. Great hub.

rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago Author

@ Dchosen I think every person has to have enough respect for each other, and if you cant have that then why be married in the first place. A person shouldn't let them self's be mistreated by someone that claims they love you, and then slaps you after that.

@Rhonda Waits I know exactly what you mean I will never understand this. I could never stand for it myself I know that much. Also you cant change anyone. They would have to want to make a change in the first place.

jalawa03 profile image

jalawa03 5 years ago from Texas

This is sot tue- your words. Women do sometimes seek out and boys. However, some don't seek them but are fooled by them. Imperfection, has no discriminative characteristics. It hurts to see women continue in abusive relationships. This is a subject very close to my heart. Thanks for reading. D

jalawa03 profile image

jalawa03 5 years ago from Texas true...Darn Apple incorrectly, correcting things.

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