Sex or Love? Love without sex? Sex without love?

Hunnybunny783 posted a series of questions at the gender & relationships forum. I picked a couple of them because they are related and I found them worthy of being discussed.They are Love and Sex.

I believe the best approach is to start with a definition of each term separately. I shall commence by the most mundane: Sex.


“Vaginal sexual intercourse, also called coitus, is the human form of copulation. While its natural purpose and result is reproduction, it is often performed entirely for pleasure and/or as an expression of love and emotional intimacy.

Sexual intercourse typically plays a powerful bonding role; in many societies it is normal for couples to have frequent intercourse while using birth control,sharingpleasure and strengthening their emotional bond through sex even though they are deliberately avoiding pregnancy.“

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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Sex becomes mundane when obsessive, nymphomaniac or narcissistic behaviors are the driving force. There is no doubt that sex can be very pleasurable either heterosexual or homosexual. My point here is not to judge sexual preferences, but to analyze to what extent it can be harmful when it is overly performed.

An addiction to sex can be as deteriorating as alcoholism or drug addiction. Why?

Because the driving force has no other purpose than mere pleasure or escapism.

Apart from prostitution or enforcement of power domination through sex, indiscriminate sex for the sake of sex itself can be draining spiritually and lead astray the true purpose of living.

A male or a female who constantly seeks having intercourse or other forms of sexual pleasure with the same partner, or worse, promiscuously, has lost the sense of purpose. Even within the animal kingdom, sex is aimed at reproduction

for the perpetuation of the species and only during mating season.

Sex becomes truly meaningful when love is bonded to that sacred act. I am not talking about self-righteousness here, my friends. Males tend to experiment sexual pleasure with any woman if the time and environment is adequate, whereas women, in their vast majority, need to feel an honest attraction and experiment true feelings before they commit themselves to have intercourse.

So, Hunnybunny783, your friend “Peggy” is suffering from low self-esteem. She needs to begin to care much more for herself, love herself more and understand that sex is not the reason why we are here on this planet. She may take on any constructive endeavor, something that will help her find her own true values as a human being.

Nonetheless, the only thing you can do for her is to support her emotionally and try to get her engaged into a constructive activity. Never force her. She must be persuaded, not fooled. She has to take onto that behavior on her own accord; otherwise, she will fail miserably over and over again.

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“Love is any of a number of emotions related to a sense of strong affection and attachment.  As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person.

Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial and platonic love to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love.

Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.”          

                                                             From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Is Sex true love?

See results without voting

When people fail once or repeatedly in relationships, the very first thought is that love is overrated,that it is a myth and probably there isn’t any real love anywhere. You must dissect this concept.

If you mean human love as an attraction between two beings who share common preferences, enjoy each other`s company and feel some kind of dependency, sexual intercourse included or not, It does exist! If by love you mean a broader sense of feeling, caring, protectiveness and admiration, known as universal love, it also exists.

For both types of love there are conditions that must be respected if it is to last and grow. People love out of spontaneity. True love is never imposed! Love is bound to several virtues that without them it loses its genuine condition. Trust,respect, individuality, times to be alone with yourself, appreciation of the partner’s likes, regardless of disliking them personally, admiration for the partner’s achievements as if they were your own.

This applies to human or universal love. True love is complex because it implies accepting a friend or a companion regardless of race, skin color, religious belief and status quo, and education level, recent or distant past and financial condition.

To be able to truly love and be loved, you have to begin by accepting yourself, by loving yourself, by considering yourself worthy of all the good things there are because this is a universal truth. What makes you lose or maintain that right? Choice. When you choose, you must accept the consequences and responsibilities of your choice. Blaming others is a comfortable position to avoid facing your own mistakes.

The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment
The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment

After many years of exploration, Diana Richardson found that the ancient practice of Tantra, with its unique, intelligent approach to sex, had the effect of enhancing intimacy and deepening love. Here she has adapted Tantra for modern Western lovers in a practical, sympathetic way. Tantric Sex can transform your experience into a more sensual, loving and fulfilling one.

Ecstatic Lovemaking: An Intimate Guide to Soulful Sex
Ecstatic Lovemaking: An Intimate Guide to Soulful Sex

This book helped me to enjoy my love life more than I ever thought I could. I'm a religious woman who finds most sex books either offensive or not helpful. Ecstatic Lovemaking really touched me because it showed me that a great sex life with my husband is perfectly consistent with having the deep faith I have and know I always will have. The chapter on how "Sexuality and Spirituality Do Go Together" said it all.I also used to feel that my husband had no clue what really turned me on. Now he understands that I need to feel emotionally and spiritually close to him before I want to be sexually close to him. I think it was worth getting the book just for that, but my husband says the best part is that now I seem to want to make love with him as much as he wants to with me.

The Man Whisperer: Speaking Your Man's Language to Bring Out His Best
The Man Whisperer: Speaking Your Man's Language to Bring Out His Best

What woman hasn't taken a look at her man and decided he could use some improvement? There are some things we can change and some things we can't. Rick Johnson helps women identify the strengths in their men and the things that hold them back. He shows women how they can use their considerable influence in positive ways--without nagging or laying on the guilt trips. A man whisperer is a woman who can use her subtle powers of persuasion to help her man become his very best. With humor and plainspoken common sense, Johnson helps women deal creatively with those annoying little habits while focusing on building his strong points. He also shows women why some tactics just don't work. Any woman who wants her marriage to be stronger will benefit from this enlightening book.

Transcendent Sex: When Lovemaking Opens the Veil
Transcendent Sex: When Lovemaking Opens the Veil


But what could be better than sex? How about lovemaking that sweeps people into new realities, producing altered states of consciousness a thousand times more powerful than the most earth-shattering orgasm? Lovemaking so spectacular that it truly is a religious experience?

Transcendent Sex is not about the "Tantric method." It is about the best-kept secret in human history: that ordinary people, with no special training, can find themselves in different spiritual realms when making love -- an experience so profound that nothing will ever be the same. It is about sex that triggers episodes identical to the highest spiritual states -- as described in the annals of shamanism, yoga, Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, and Islam -- including visions, channeling, reliving past lives, transcending the laws of physics, and seeing the face of God.

Lasting Love: The Five Secrets of Growing a Vital, Conscious Relationship
Lasting Love: The Five Secrets of Growing a Vital, Conscious Relationship

"The most important thing in life is the feeling of love inside and around you". But we are all bound to face problems from time to time in a committed relationship. Theorists Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, reveal what saps vitality from long-term relationships and what you can do to make vitality surge again.

Before Love Dies: Getting Your Needs Met in Relationships
Before Love Dies: Getting Your Needs Met in Relationships

Building a strong and Godly marriage does not happen automatically; nor does it happen overnight. A successful marriage requires careful, deliberate planning, unwavering commitment, and hard work. The logical place to begin building a strong "marriage house" is within its foundation . . . Covenant, Trust, Forgiveness, Love and Friendship. In his book, "Before Love Dies", Larry Russell will candidly share with you the Five Foundation Stones that are essential to a successful marriage. No marriage can afford to be without them.


So to wrap it up, you can conclude that:

· Love without sex is possible and true. Is that what you are after?

· Sex without love is more commonplace than people may think. Is that what you wish to find?

· There is a difference between having sex and making love. Do you want a crazy sex night ora lasting feeling channeled through love making?

· When you feel heart-broken or have gotten hurt, is your partner to blame, or was your choice in a hurry which got you into trouble?

· All relationships face risks, just like businesses, travels, experiments. If you keep yourself inside of your “protective bubble”, nothing will ever happen. Good or bad, and you will not grow as a human being.

· To find truelove, learn to let things flow. If you chase it, you’ll never find the real thing. Enjoy the experiences as they come. Disregard them if they seem harmful,otherwise, just let them take their natural course.

· Learn to be detached. Your partner is an individual. It isn’t your property!

Ifyou are overly possessive, you will not last enough to get to know the person.

· Apart from avoiding a potential venereal disease or other sexually related infections, do not let the spur of the moment cloud your judgment, you may regret it later.

· You want love,honest and loving intercourse, true friendship, companionship? Give first! Give without second intentions and I promise you shall be rewarded with equal or much better feelings than the ones you have freely and spontaneously given away.

I hope this clarifies a bit your questions and helps others not so daring to ask for themselves.

To your Success,

Warmest regards and infinite eternal blessings,


Copyright ©Alberto J.Alvarez G.®2010

Copyright ©Mystique®2010

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Comments 38 comments

VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 6 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

The timing of this hub is perfect as my mate and I where having a discussion in Facebook where a friend suggested exploring intimacy with others while being in a relationship contributes to evolving, and I responded:

"It wouldn't work for us. Neither my s/o or I are interested in exploring intimacy with others, guess we are at an age where we did enough exploration when younger. For me the deep, beautiful and exclusive relationship we have without any real expectations from one another, meaning we don't try to change the other, or suppress each other's spirit is what has kept us going strong these years. I think the more we evolve, the less complicated relationships and life gets.

By the various responses, I saw that each of one of us is at a different level of awareness, our needs are different, and what may work for me may not for another. I am at a point where life has beome much less complicated as Truth is powerful in its simplicity. Its we humans who complicate matters. :)

Thanks this for this hub, Al!

Thumbs up!

Coolmon2009 profile image

Coolmon2009 6 years ago from Texas, USA

Enjoyed reading this thought provoking article; it reminds me of a conversation me and my Fiancé had a few weeks ago.

Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author

Dearest Marie...

I am so glad you have found my hub to be helpful! Ir was written with that purpose in mind! I thank you for your constant encouraging presence in my hubs and on this beautiful path toward our human ONENESS with The Great Architect! Que la Luz te envuelva, querida amiga!

Warmest regards and infinite eternal blessings,


Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author


Thank you! Thank you for always being around, dear friend! I appreciate your visiting and commenting!

Warmest regards and infinite eternal blessings,


JannyC profile image

JannyC 6 years ago

Oh wow this is amazing for I was having discussion on this with some people one was a woman and other was a man. It really amazed me at their different view points on this. This was great article and quoted for truth. Great job!

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

Very thought provoking article. When there are problems and intercourse isn't easy then you still need to find that intimacy in another way if possible. Marriage seems incomplete without any intimacy, but if someone has a medical problem, like a stroke for instance, everything changes and there is a lot of adjustment on the part of both partners. I like what you said about true friendship, and giving first. This was an very good hub.

donotfear profile image

donotfear 6 years ago from The Boondocks

So many people have sex as a recreational thing. When it's used that way, it loses its meaning! I'm glad you wrote about this. You have good points here. Just wish all of us would have listened to them years ago!

Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author

Dearest Janny...

I am so glad you liked it! It is great to be able to share something that's useful! Thank You very much, deary!

Warmest regards and infinite eternal blessings,


Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author

Dearest Pam...

I am so glad you liked the article, and what you said about situations changing due to medical conditions is also true. There is where you see what true love is all about!

Thank you for your comments!

Warmest regards and infinite eternal blessings,


Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author


Thank you for pointing that out. They are my sentiments exactly. Glad you liked the hub! Appreciate your presence here!

warmest regards and infinite eternal blessings,


prettydarkhorse profile image

prettydarkhorse 6 years ago from US

"To find true love, learn to let things flow. If you chase it, you’ll never find the real thing. Enjoy the experiences as they come. Disregard them if they seem harmful, otherwise, just let them take their natural course".

Most poets view love and sex the same as yours -- if you dont want to get hurt -- this is the best advice about it.

That sums it all my friend hehe, the best in the world is sex and love! I like your view up, Thumbs up and I like the way you make things lightly, you are exactly the kind of person who will make other people happy -- not demanding and just taking life easily, Salamat mystique and reading your work is always a joy to me, Maita

Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author

My sweet kaibigan...

Salamat talaga! I am so happy you understand my view! Thank you for being here, deary!

Warmest regards and infinite eternal blessings,


GeneralHowitzer profile image

GeneralHowitzer 6 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

Hmmm making love is a lot better than making sex I think... Great Hub eh..

Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author

Thanks General! Yup! You got that right!

Warmest regards and infinite eternal blessings,


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

I haven't married my brother and I am still single right now. So, I never know about sex before and how is the taste of sex. But from my experience by reading about sex from newspaper, magazine and forum. Sex was needed in our life for us who have married. To express how much we love our partner (wife/husband. Brother, please allow me to rate this hub Up! Thank you so much for showing me about this topic. I have new experience from this hub. Awesome...


Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author

My brother Prasetio....

Thank you very much for being here! I am very glad you found this useful! I am sure you will find a good wife! You are a nice man and and a true gentleman!

Warmest regards and infinite eternal blessings,


jill of alltrades profile image

jill of alltrades 6 years ago from Philippines

Very well-written kaibigan!

You also wrote very good clarifying and thought-provoking questions at the end.

Really great hub! Well done!

God bless!

Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author

Thanks a lot, My kaibigan-Jill...

I try the best I can when it comes to answering questions. I may not always have the answers that are sought but I certainly try to contribute to finding them.

Warmest regards and infinite eternal blessings,


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia

Wow - you gave me a lot to think about! I believe you can have love without sex and sex without love.

Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author

Thanks Habee, for dropping by and commenting! I appreciate it! Well, There's for all tastes. In the end what matters is what we are after!

Warmest regards and infinite eternal blessings,


Erny Lopez  6 years ago

Thank you for your article you went straith to the point,true people who goes around looking for sex every time they got chance have lost the sence of purpose! I am not saying that sex is just for people who love each other because I know one can have sex without feeling love as well as having sex with it.

The most important thing here is try to keep a balance think twice if you want to have a crazy night or a real relationship...

Many people have miths about love that is why, many are being driving to get involve into bad relationships.

Thank you indeed you gave me a lot to think about.

Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author


Thanks a lot for stopping by and commenting! I am glad I gave you something to ponder on! It made a difference!

Warmest regards and infinite heavenly blessings,


Anamika S profile image

Anamika S 6 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

For me, Love with out Sex is okay and Sex with out Love is Never. But then, I am old fashioned.

Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author

I don´t think you are old-fashioned, my dearest Anamika! That´s the way it´s supposed to be. I´ve just tried to be open to all kinds of viewpoints. I agree with you, in fact, sex without love is simply lust and libido!

Thank you for commenting!

Warmest hugs and infinite heavenly blessings,


profile image

Pachuca213 6 years ago

This was really good. I like how you point out that the act of sex without the love is selfish and tends to go towards the narcissistic behaviors because of only focusing on your own pleasures rather than the other person. I know from my own personal experiences that I developed a warped thinking about sex and love when I was young after my first boyfriend used me and dumped me after I gave him my heart. So for a time period sex and love were two totally different things to me. And as an adult it became harder to fuse both of those together again when I was in a special relationship....good hub!!!

chamilj profile image

chamilj 5 years ago from Sri Lanka

Awesome hub on interesting subject. Thanks!

god and humanity profile image

god and humanity 5 years ago from Kakinada, East Godavari district, Andhra Pradesh, India


I have read your article. Your observation about the need for sex is indisputable. Nature has its own course, mystically and physically. This is one of them not only for reproduction but also for fulfulling the biological need, which no living creature can avoid.

Please follow my hubs and pass your comments.

Truly yours,

god and humanity

Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 5 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author

JJ...I appreciate your comment a whole lot! I´m glad the message went through for that was the main idea in the first place!Thanks again, darling!

Kisses and hugs,



Thank YOU for stopping by and finding it interesting!

Infinite heavenly blessings,


god and humanity...

There´s a lot of truth in what you said, my brother! I cherish these kind of comments, they inspire me to write some more.

Infinite heavenly blessings,


Fennelseed profile image

Fennelseed 5 years ago from Australia

This is a very considered piece and as a result is very informative and useful. It provides answers that can take many years of experience to discover.

Sex without love is empty, and in comparison to the alternative - experiencing intimacy and mutual pleasure with a partner who you love deeply, it’s just not worth the effort.

Thank you for your wise words. I am very impressed with this hub as it messages are universal.

Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 5 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author

My Dear lady...

I am truly happy you found this hub interesting and helpful! When I wrote it that was what I hoped for. Helping out others is something that gives me true pleasure! Thank you for your kind, encouraging words!

Warmest hugs and infinite heavenly blessings,


Marian 5 years ago

Thanks for this article. It makes people to think better.

I think live without sex is possible.

Sex without love is possible as well. Many people do it. Especialy men like it. It is something for them. But sex with Love is completely different. It's great energy and happiness. It is a wonderful feeling, Just if you experience it, you will understand the difference. It is not easy to explain by words.

Many men are happy by sex with lots of different women while they do not love or know them.

But they have not tried sex with love! If they knew, they felt a huge, wonderful feeling of joy, energy, happiness, fun, .... unbelievable

Amy 4 years ago

Life without sex or intimacy is possible. Take for instance my husband and I. Weve been married 45 years and only had sex once on our wedding night and my husband refused to sleep with me after what little sex we had. In fact he hasn't slept with me in all those 45 years. He lives permently in the basement and I upstairs. So he just avoids me at all costs

Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 4 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author

Well, I believe that wasn´t the idea when I posted this...I believe balance is important..Extremes are always wrong, in either direction; but I respect people´s choices...Everybody has a right to make them...I respect yours sincerely...Thank you for commenting and reading...

darnell jones 3 years ago

I would like a subscription, catalog, coupons, ,letters, cds, books, information on business opportunities, (distributors/partnerships/affiliates/wholesaling), accounts (stocks, bonds, travelers check), food, business clients or business dates, and dates (girls, women, boys, men, friends), gems or gem mines (all kinds or rare gems) magazines, news letters, videos, pictures, books and some free trials and some free trial samples of all flavors and of all products there is,if it clothes (bottoms, underwear, pants, sweat pants,pajamas (waist 31 length 34 medium size) and t-shirts, shirts, sweaters 17-18 neck medium size as well please), jackets (medium size) jewelry (ring sizes 10 1/2, bracelets size 7,watches digital size 7) glasses (sun, x-ray(not the ones for the hospital either), night vision, infrared) sent to my home address (just email me or inbox me here or call my cell phone or text my cell phone ok) plus enter me in the contests, lotteries, last wills and testament, trust funds, estate funds, inheritances and sweepstakes if any please and thank you :).

Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 3 years ago from Brownsville,TX

So here you are dear friend. I was wondering if you had wrote on the HUB.. ... this is very interesting and very true..

Blessing and hugs


Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 3 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela Author

MY darling Debbie..Thank you so much for the follow and the read...I so appreciate your kind support always...So glad you enjoyed this hub...

Many blessings to you, sweetheart,


Edward Givins 3 years ago

When sex and love comes from the true heart ( The Mind , Brain)sex and love can have a true meaning But when its sex only it has no true meaning only to relieve pressure, remember love can repair damages sex only has caused but sex only cannot repair love by itself

manatita44 profile image

manatita44 22 months ago from london

Interesting take on love and sex. You write well for those who desire to know a little more about this particular area. Much peace.

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