Loving Yourself - Sexually

Throw a Party for One

When someone has been alone without a partner for long time, what should that person do when there is that feeling for sex? There are many lonely persons out there without a partner, who do not believe in ‘buying’ sexual gratification or getting it from any available person. Like me, they believe that the sexual act is sacred and so personal, that it should only be done with a special person - someone who you have a deep connection with, who you love and respect and who loves and respects you too. But what happens when such person does not exist? Does it mean that, that lonely person should suffer sexual anguish until he or she finds a mate? What if it takes years to find a mate, should that person ‘suffer’ and take cold showers when there is ‘an itch’?

I think that if you are faced with that dilemma, then you should take action. No, I am not telling you to go out there and ‘buy ‘ sexual favours, but instead learn to love yourself – sexually. Loving yourself sexually can be great and it is a great way to release the ‘pent up’ feelings. For those of you who have tried it, will agree. The good thing about it, is that you do not need a partner and it can be done without anyone knowing – in the privacy of your bedroom, or wherever you get “the itch”. Self love teaches you about your personal sexual response. It makes you feel desirable, it helps you to explore your sexuality and what feels good to you. It prepares you for great sexual experiences, since you know what you like and what will bring you pleasure. Loving yourself is not a sin, so there is no need for guilt.

If a woman has trouble reaching an orgasm, it will help her to learn about her body by self exploration. If a man has problems with premature ejaculation, then there are techniques that can help him to gain ejaculatory control. It is also great for persons who have partners, as each partner can do the act while the other watches. This will be a great prelude to great romance and it will serve to heat things up in the bedroom. Also one partner can teach the other how to give him/her pleasure.

Do not let your lack of partner prevent you from having a great time sexually. Stop crying yourself to sleep and taking cold showers. Instead, take a warn shower or a bubble bath, put on your favorite love song, light a few scented candles and throw a party for one. If you do not get it right the first time, practice makes perfect.

I welcome your comments.

Comments 34 comments

Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

It is not biblical for a person to do this. Anything sexual is under the covenant of marriage. Self gratification is still fornication as it is seeking sexual gratification outside of marriage.

Weare told to keep ourselves pure. "In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace"(Romans 6:11-14, NIV).

A believer’s body is the temple of God. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.". The temple of God is an unlikely place to pursue self-gratification of the sexual kind. It is impossible that masturbation could be a way of honoring God with our bodies.


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 5 years ago Author

Hyphenbird thank you for your comments. I know that the religious persons would have me for this. I am also religious, but personally, do not think that it is a sin. To each his own and if it is your belief, then I do respect it. Thanks for your visit and all the best.


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

Hello Dr. Ope. Really, I do not wish you to think I "have you for this." Indeed I am not at all religious, but a believer and follower of Christ. Therefore I strive to live by the word of God in all areas. Certainly people have differing beliefs and while I cannot condone actions I believe to be against the will of God, I will not judge or vilify the person. I do hope yo will study God's word, the Bible to better determine His stand on this matter.

Have a great evening. HB


Fay Paxton 5 years ago

Well, I was wondering where you were and you came back with a bang! This is good advice for anyone seeking such answers... and I have no doubt that many will find it useful. up/useful


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 5 years ago Author

Thank you Fay Paxton. I took a little siesta.Everyone has differing views on this topic and I know that some persons will not see 'eye to eye' on this subject, but as I said earlier, to each his own. Thanks for your visit and take care.


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 5 years ago Author

Hyphenbird, not at all. I do welcome your comments and although we may not agree on this topic, I do respect your beliefs. I personally, do not think it is a sin. Being sexually frustrated and lusting for sex are even more sinful than satisfying yourself sexually - at least that is my belief. So you beg to differ, I respect that, you are entitled to what you belief. I will take your advice and search the scriptures for answers. Thank you.


Miss-Taken profile image

Miss-Taken 5 years ago from Nova Scotia, Canada

Dr. Ope I must comment to say I agree with you whole heartedly. Self love can be very gratifying whether alone or with a partner. I do not believe we would be created with the ability to feel such sensations if we were not meant to feel them. Pleasuring oneself or a partner is not sinful. One can interpret words in many different ways and almost twist them to use as justification for whatever we see fit.

Thank you for your useful information.


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 5 years ago Author

Amen Miss-Taken. Thank you for visiting my hub and thank you for agreeing with me. All the best and I will be paying your hub a visit.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

Hi Dr. Ope! You have been missed! Thank you for writing an excellent hub! I am in agreement! Miss-Taken is right on in her observation. Biblical words were used to enslave a people in the United States - and was justified by interpreting it as God's word on the matter.

Thanks for sharing!


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 5 years ago Author

Thank you for stoping by and for your kind comments Dexter Yarbrough. I will be visiting you soon. All the best to you.


SpiffyD profile image

SpiffyD 5 years ago from The Caribbean

Well the first comment was nothing out of the ordinary, but the phrase "obey its evil desires" is a bit misplaced. The body's desires aren't evil; it's when we allow them to overtake us that problems erupt. I believe that such attitudes are part of the problem.

It's no wonder many young church-goers are doing it anyway. There is no forum to discuss sex in a sensible way. Those who talk about Christ must recognize that He is non-judgemental. The first thing such persons would say is "Yeah yeah. I know that." However, the words used reveal something entirely different. Anyway consistency in beliefs and thoughts are far more difficult than we can imagine. Then too, some folks see themselves as candles in the "darkness." Is that humility? I'm not sure.

I believe that there are ways to state such beliefs without being a bigot, but very few can do that. Interesting hub though. It's better to be able to discuss and consider points of view in a non-judgemental way, since it is easier to influence others when you understand them.


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 5 years ago Author

Hi SpiffyD, thank you for your visit and your comments. I do agree with you. The body desires aren't evil, but it is when we allow them to overtake or control us then is when we have problems.

Masturbation is a very controversial topic and so I expect that some persons who are very 'holy' will not agree with my article (although some of them are secretly doing it). I appreciate and accept everyone's opinion tough, as we cannot all agree. I appreciate your comments. All the best.


SpiffyD profile image

SpiffyD 5 years ago from The Caribbean

I suspect that you expected "Biblical" responses though :) I think that much attention should be paid to how opinions are expressed though. I remember when Miss California answered that tricky question on homosexuality a couple of years ago, she expressed her views clearly without coming across as a bigot.

Not many gave her ample credit for the way she expressed her opinion. Oh, and I loved HB's implication that her understanding is better than your understanding :) I think that's why there are so many different interpretation of the Bible and so many different Christians claiming to be privy to the truth in a unique way. However, life is more entertaining with such views I suppose :)


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 5 years ago Author

Yeah SpiffyD, there are so many different interpretations of the Bible and especially on this topic. That is why I said that I appreciate and welcome everyone's view. Doesn't mean that I accept them though! You are right, life is very entertaining with some of these views! All the best to you and thanks for the follow.


4tune profile image

4tune 5 years ago from Michigan

Oh god masturbation a sin really? lol! No I do not think so.. The safest sex you can have and better than running out and doing anyone which is what would happen without it then your likely to bang someones husband unknowingly and that would be sin.

As far as waiting for marriage as well what if you never find a suitable mate or a man that you love that will have you then what? Oh boy anyhow great Hub, I struggle with the issue to find someone as well, sometimes I think my luck would be better to forget about waiting for the right man, But then I know the price for that.. So stuck in limbo not knowing if I should try once more? but only seek a mate for the purpose to mate and put thoughts of relationship out of my head as that is the thing that makes them run..

So tired sometimes of this ordeal.. Maybe just hide my feelings completely next time and enjoy him for a short time before he can run? Heck I don't know, these thoughts are spinning through my head right now because well I'm horny and could burn in hell for having such feelings.

( Just kidding of course, lol! )


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 5 years ago Author

4tune, Thank you for visiting. I have been away from hubpages for a few weeks and so this is why I am so late in replying. I am glad that you agree with me that masturbation is not a sin! I understand exactly what you are going through.The right man will come one day, just hang on some more. In the meantime, when you 'get that feeling' just throw a party for one!


paulynice roldens profile image

paulynice roldens 4 years ago from Boca Raton, Florida

Great hub'''''I don't think that is a sin....It's simply a way for someone to satisfy himself or herself...


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 4 years ago Author

Amen!Thank you paulnice roldens.Thanks for stopping by. I need to pay you a visit too.


Bairfinn 4 years ago

Somewhat controversial ,yet a great hub..I like this very much..Your effort appreciated..thanks a lot..:)

visit:http://www.fullthrottleondemand.com


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 4 years ago Author

You are welcome Bairfinn. Thanks for the visit!


Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Dr. Ope

I don't think masturbation is a sin. I think society accepts that men do it and even joke about it. Women are sexual beings too, so what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

Take Care


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 4 years ago Author

I agree with you 100% Sueswan! Thanks for stopping by and all the best to you!


Brett.Tesol profile image

Brett.Tesol 4 years ago from Somewhere in Asia

An honest hub and wow the comments were interesting lol. It is not a sin, it is just a healthy and normal act. I come from a country where it is accepted and women will openly talk about it and even what they use to 'reach higher heights' lol.

Will share this to see what others have to add.


SanneL profile image

SanneL 4 years ago from Sweden

I have to agree with Brett (I know I could count on you to share such a great hub lol!) There is nothing unnatural or sinful to masturbate. It is as important and natural, as exercising and following a healthy diet. It is a part of our well being.

Heck - I think I'll make my self a bubble bath, put on a CD with Barry White and listen to; I'm gonna love you just a little more baby, and throw myself a party! Lol! Lol!


peoplepower73 profile image

peoplepower73 4 years ago from Placentia California

Dr. Ope: Very interesting article and very interesting commments. As they say: "It's not money that is the root of all evil, it's the lack of it." If you all get my drift? Voting up and useful. I'll be visiting your profile. Thanks for SHARING.


bryanbaldwin profile image

bryanbaldwin 4 years ago from Los Angeles

The bible says that it's okay to stone your wife to death if she's not a virgin, and that it's okay to have slaves. Have you actually read that thing? It's shocking, I've read it from front to back.

Note-to-self don't interpret the bible literally. It wasn't written by God, it was written by people trying to understand God in a society (and perspective) that thousands of years old passed through generations.


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 4 years ago Author

Brett.Tsol, Thank you for your visit and for sharing my hub with others. Yes, masturbation is as healthy and normal as exercising. All the best to you!


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 4 years ago Author

LOL! Love your spirit SanneL! I hope you enjoyed the party for one! Yes, masturbation is a part of our well-being and it helps to ease the stress and frustration, especially when you are single. Thanks for the visit and all the best to you.


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 4 years ago Author

peoplepower73 thank you for your visit and comments. Yes, I got your drift - LOL! You are so right. All the best to you.


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 4 years ago Author

bryanbaldwin thanks for your visit and comments. I do agree with you that most times we take the writings of the Bible literally, when it was written by man and so we have become 'slaves' to its every words even sometimes hurting ourselves and others in the process. All the best to you.


Juliet Christie profile image

Juliet Christie 4 years ago from Sandy Bay Jamaica

Thanks a great hub, a little self love may just stop the world from having so many grouchy individuals and sociopaths.Teach his own I suppos


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 4 years ago Author

Thank you Juliet Christie. I agree with you 100%! All the best to you!


jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 3 years ago from United States of America

The Scripture is not shy when it relates to moral issues. It speaks in details against perversions concerning sexual immorality. In fact it is not shy about all sorts of sexual related issues as described in details in Matt 5:28-29, Gen 38:9, Eph 5:3, 1Tim 4:2-8 (to name a few). However, it is strangely silent regarding the universal issue of masturbation. The closet argument against masturbation is found in Romans 6:13&18. Unfortunately Romans 6:13&18 can be applied to any circumstance including the wearing of makeup, tattoos, certain elicit clothing, perfume, even sex with your spouse if it’s for pleasure only, and not procreation. Yet, even Rom 6:13&18 gives no clear instruction regarding masturbation. Is self sexual gratification a sin – possibly? Does it prevent one from lusting after the flesh – possibly? In the absence of clear biblical instructions on the subject one is left with their own interpretation. With this in mind then the only thing that really matters is Romans 14:12-13.

Dr Ope, you took on a highly controversial subject with maturity and grace. Thanks for sharing.


Dr.Ope profile image

Dr.Ope 3 years ago Author

Thank you for visiting jxb7076. Yes, I agree, there are no clear biblical instructions on the subject and so it is our interpretation. All the best!

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