MARRIAGE: A Waning INSTITUTION of the 21st. Century?

For all eternity....?
For all eternity....?
After the dance....what's next?
After the dance....what's next?

Three months is a long time to be married in Hollywood.

But ordinary people are not part of the world of make-believe. Ordinary people who live in the real world, make more rational decisions and understand the meaning of consequence. Well ok, most ordinary people do.

Meeting Mr.or Miss Right and falling in love is a journey nearly every human being embarks upon at one time or another. A few times for some, several for others and numerous, for the hopeless romantics. The hope being that one day, someone will be that special one.

Marriage, as has been claimed for centuries is a forever commitment. Better said, Ideally, it's a lifelong partnership with one chosen individual. Perhaps we can all agree that it's certainly a serious decision most of us are faced with at least once in our life. How serious, I suppose depends on one's beliefs and attitude. I will go out on a limb here and say that marriage should not be something we embark upon with scant consideration or little discussion. The reality is, some soul-searching wouldn't hurt.

I accept that there may be drawbacks to deep thought and open discussion. At an emotional time, when blindly in love, can we actually recognize and heed the hard core facts of reality? The scales that equalize heart and mind are completely off balance. We adore everything about him/her and are firmly in denial of any possible flaws. During this initial period, we tend to be in a state of denial for possible future issues.

As it happens, we find ourselves marching down the aisle with the person we're convinced is the love of our life. Gazing longingly into each others' eyes, we pledge our undying devotion and vow eternal love......

It all sounds simple enough. The so-called Honeymoon Stage which varies for each couple, may prove to confirm that we made the right choice. Getting through the first seven years of marriage unscathed by major catastrophe or disruption is an amazing feat. Don't believe this? I'm sorry to say, "Statistics" prove it. 75% of divorces have been sought by husband or wife, near the seventh year of marriage. This allows just enough time for the Love Birds to welcome a couple of children and buy their home, surrounded by white picket fence. Most of that personal struggle and sacrifice toward common goals, begins to emerge as a huge wrecking boulder headed toward destruction of all you worked to attain.

Young lovers are becoming more conscious of these statistics and seem willing to view the possibilities of their future much more realistically. They begin to question the need and desire to tie the knot. The knot so to speak, appears more like a noose to these individuals. Given the blatant statistics, who can blame them for such doubt and trepidation?

Finally, young women are coming to terms with the hard core facts that the lovely fantasy of being a bride, defies all logic and common sense in terms of the lifelong commitment to being a wife. Young men watch helplessly as their coveted life as a bachelor, transforms to a life of priorities, obligations and more work than play. So this is marriage? "Tell me again, why we did this?"

Cruel & Inhuman treatment, irreconcilable differences, infidelity.....

None of these ugly words ever surfaced while you dated and certainly were not mentioned at the marriage ceremony.. We were not selective enough nor did we acknowledge advice or red flags.. Of all the expensive wedding gifts, not a one was a marriage manual with guarantee included.

Between you and me, do we really need to go into the vault of vital statistics? I'm going to guess that we might simply take mental inventory in terms of our own, friends, co-workers and neighbors. Scroll the list. Count the divorces, second marriages and single-parent homes. It may or may not shock you. It stunned me, as well as included me, when I came up with actual numbers. Six of ten marriages end in divorce? Perhaps a bit less, or might it be more? In any case, I believe we'll agree that the number is staggering. For those not yet married, these numbers scream of doubt and disillusionment.

I admit, I am no longer stunned by the new perception of marriage. Nor am I jaded and cynical enough to believe that suddenly, people have no desire to marry or make solid commitments. However disenchanting, the reality at this point is that fewer and fewer couples who fall in love, are choosing to sanctify their love or legitimize their partnership. We need to at least attempt to understand how this has come to be a new reality in 2012.

It may be sad to some of the older generation that this has become the ever-increasing lifestyle of choice. Together but technically solo, committed but no legal bond. Couples who make this choice obviously see it as a rational and comfortable place to be. I want to understand why the centuries-old, establishment of marriage is being side-stepped by more and more couples. Whether I'm in favor of this trend or not is irrelevant to my curiosity..

"What of the children born into these partnerships?"

I know this concern is expressed often and brought into serious discussion. Single parent couples are quite prepared with response. Their attitude suggests confidence & reason to confirm their status and decisions. "What about our children? they may respond. They are healthy, happy, bright children. We raise them together with love and a solid awareness of responsibility. We are ever present in their lives and have created a nurturing, family environment. How much more intently or appropriately might we do all this with the addition of a marriage license?

If you're brilliant and convincing enough to argue this, by all means, speak up. I know that there are hundreds of studies, stacks of research and thousands of so-called experts who claim to have the answers.. I freely admit, I don't have a valid argument. Even were I confident I could argue this, why would I feel compelled to do so?

I see no immediate reason for alarm or concern.. Every adult generation does what they have chosen to do for their own personal reasons. Suffice it to say that mature, intelligent individuals will rarely make decisions that cause harm or make their lives more difficult. I tend to accept that what is, is meant to be. The attitudes and direction taken by mentally and emotionally mature individuals are those they have a right to embrace. We all surely have this right. Has anyone the right to place judgement?

The very best we can each do for ourselves and to support one another is love, understand and accept. I have this crazy but steadfast belief, the world continues to turn and life goes on, "For better or for worse".... but it does go on.

Making Choices. Everyone's Right.

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Comments 49 comments

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Hi Alecia......Here's hoping that one day you meet your Prince! A smart young woman like you, has every advantage for a strong and happy relationship! You have a very good head on your shoulders....and pretty too!!

Alecia Murphy profile image

Alecia Murphy 3 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

I believe in marriage but I also believe some people honestly don't need to be married. For me, I think marriage is a real commitment that I'd like to make one day. However, I know that after the honeymoon phase, it will take a lot of work and patience to get past the 7 year itch. Interesting statistic that people get divorced around 7 years. Either way I think if people consider marriage it shouldn't be for insurance, financial security, or companionship- it should be for love and respect built upon a solid foundation. Great hub!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

LOL.....Au fait....There are people who decide what a mentally healthy individual is......or shall I say, there are those who can sound convincing and behave very wise? LOVE your question about marriage--children---divorce and "expense."......Seriously, my late sister, who always had a very unique slant on things, and enjoyed making me laugh.....said the following. I had asked her what she thought I should give her son and fiancé for their Wedding Gift. She thought a moment and said, " know, considering what goes on between couples in this day and age....give me a check. If they make it past the first 5 years, I'll double it and tell them it's from you!"

Thanks for stopping by!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

emily.....Sounds like you are an intelligent young woman, who has certainly taken the time and effort to enter into marriage, with your eyes wide open. As long and you and Mr. Dreamy are following your heart, while keeping your brains have much that it takes to be both happy & successful in your "union."

P L E A S E......of ALL the issues in this world......never allow money/finances, to be the cause of tearing you apart.......unless you want to know what REAL MONEY PROBLEMS ARE, AFTER A DIVORCE. Promise each other this!

Much luck to you!! Congratulations.

emilybee profile image

emilybee 3 years ago

My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years and are getting married in 3 months. The honeymoon phase sometimes feels over, already, but I know it's not...with today's society many are constantly in panic over financial situations etc- so burdensome! and other stresses that hurt the relationship. It's never easy but nothing worth having ever is :-)

Au fait profile image

Au fait 3 years ago from North Texas

What exactly is a mentally healthy individual? Who gets to decide?

Very few children these days grow up with both the parents they started with. Why is marriage important to the birth of a child if thousands of dollars must be spent a few months or years down the road for a divorce anyway? Half of all first marriages end in divorce. Second marriages fare worse, and third marriages still worse yet.

People aren't willing to endure and tolerate things they once did and as a result the divorce rate is horrific. Rather than go through all that a lot of people think they will avoid it by not having a marriage contract. It's true that they will probably avoid much of the monetary cost, but there is noting that I know of that will prevent the emotional and mental cost that always accompanies a separation as though a person is literally being torn apart.

You're aware of my hub on this subject and my stats come from the U.S. census. Marriage has been getting less and less popular for a very long time. It's scary to make an emotional commitment that is guaranteed to rip your heart into little pieces when you see marriages falling apart all around you, yet avoiding the piece of paper really doesn't stop that from happening, but it does save court and lawyer costs.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author's not an ugly word nor is it a terminal disease. You're so's also not easy....and made even more difficult when there are "children." However, while we may not be husband and wife...we'll always be Mom and Dad.....Mature, intelligent adults who love their children, should be able to take care of issues that need their attention for the sake of the kids. period....and MOST, do.

Of course we don't ever foresee this happening to us, but it does. What we do and how we go forward is the real challenge.

I think, when I wrote this particular hub, I was on a mission....(I'm on a different mission every day.....who am I kidding?).....I had just spent the day with a "younger" friend of mine, who was getting divorced after less than a year of marriage...TO A GUY SHE LIVED WITH FOR 6 YEARS PRIOR TO......Go figure.

Thanks for reading.....Here's to getting to know each other better!

twocupswithtee profile image

twocupswithtee 4 years ago from Chesterfield, MI

I never thought I would be part of the divorce statistic. First in my family to take that step and when I did, I could hear the air leaving the room as my family in unison gasped... My ex-husband and I dated 9 years before we were married. I was 16 when we started to date. After 27 years and 2 children later, it was over. Looking back, the pressure to "do the right thing" or "take the natural next step" in the relationship was enormous. It was just expected and I surely didn't want to rock that boat. I mean him and I never argued and even though I wanted more out of our relationship at the time, I truly thought we would both grow and support each other in our dreams. But I now know that the age old phrase "You can't change someone" is true. So I am grateful that the stigma of divorce is not as it used to be. Trust me I will struggle with my decisions and how they may affect my children, but life will always have a way of throwing curve balls and I give my children all the tools they need to work through their feelings of this divorce or whatever else life has in store. In the end, just because divorce is "easier", it doesn't always mean its an "easy" decision. Thanks for the Most Excellent Hub....

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Peggy.......Congratulations to you and your husband for 42 years. You are both to be commended for putting in the effort....for keeping love and vows in the forefront.......and being a beautiful example of a Successful Marriage. There are MORE than we think, but they don't make the "news"....because people like to know the garbage instead of the good!..............Thank you!

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 4 years ago from Houston, Texas

This is a thought provoking hub just judging from all of the comments. My hubby and I will be celebrating our 42nd wedding anniversary in 2 months. I got a kick out of one comment that stated the more spent on a wedding...the shorter the time married. Guess I fit the bill perfectly. To read about our wedding go to the hub My case and story for wedding elopement. Haha! Money spent? Not much! I think one reason a lot of seniors choose to live together is to keep their flows of income coming with nothing to disturb it because of tax rules. As to young people...your guess is as good as mine. Up, interesting and tweeted.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Some people NEED marriage for one reason or another. Others, like yourself and Mr. Wonderful, are perfectly content to have a long-term exclusive relationship without a contract. It's ALL cool. Whatever works.

Vee...there are so many variables and issues to take into consideration.....

No payroll, no couch is strictly woman to woman, GF!

Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

EFFER, I LOVE free relationship counseling. LOL. You are right on! Not heading to a chapel anytime soon. Oh, the idea has come up but I think we both realize our current arrangement is working pretty well. I'll let you know if anything changes. Maybe I can put you on the payroll. Keep that couch ready! I may need more counseling soon!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Vee.....Hello girlfriend.....shall I translate this as a "sort of request for my experienced & professional advice?" OK...I will!

Nine years?....that is what can be called a "long-term relationship," considering that it's more years than 10% of the term of marriages in the U.S. in the past decade!

The statistics are not at all impressive in the marriage dept......if you search for the actual documented facts.

The simple fact that you casually state, "I wouldn't MIND marrying him, as long as............" 1. You are far from convincing me you have a burning desire to be married to anyone, 2. Starting out with exceptions.....Vee....guess what? not a good sign. After 9 years, I'm just going to say......if you have doubts and reservations STILL.......and the added wish for individual sincere advice to you is to stay clear of any altar or wedding chapel.

Never poke a stick at a calm, peaceful-looking Bee hive.......or "If it ain't broke, don't FIX it.".........or choose the quote of your choice.

Has he ASKED you to marry him? Is he as happy as you are about living "single?"..................Important questions, huh?

Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Effer--I am so glad I came across this hub of yours. It's so insightful and balanced. It instigates some really good discussion! Things definitely have been changing, and I'm not sure if that's a bad thing. Some of the older generations stayed stuck in marriages that were often miserable, even abusive. On the other hand, marriage shouldn't be taken lightly, either.

It's funny. I've very committed to my boyfriend--been together nearly 9 years. But we don't live together. I'm so used to having my own space, décor, animals, etc....I don't know if we could live together. The funny thing is that I wouldn't mind marrying him as long as we can continue to stay in our own houses. That's backwards to a lot of people. LOL. Guess I'm kind of quirky in that way. :-) Great hub! Excellent!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

cclitgirl...and I thank you for your very thoughtful and sensible comments.....All due respect to your Grandma.....The "living in sin" thing is nonsense. There are numerous ways to "live in sin." being unmarried is not one of them.......Great comment, cclitgirl! Please come by anytime! Peace

cclitgirl profile image

cclitgirl 4 years ago from Western NC

I think a lot of us in the younger generations have come to see marriage as potentially optional, especially given the fact that it can mean so many different things now: gay, interracial, older woman with a younger man - these all go against the stereotypes of yesteryear, but I also feel glimmers of hope that we're truly becoming a society more accepting of what is not portrayed as stereotype and more open to possibilities. I know that my grandmother freaks out when she hears about "people living in sin," but society is changing. Though I've been married for 10 years, I have lots of friends who are in relationships that are committed and have been together longer than I have been married. Something about a binding contract when so many things are changing in our world anyway, I think, scares a lot of people off. Thanks for writing this awesome hub!! Great insights and food for thought. :)

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Molo......You've just unwittingly plugged Two very lucrative careers!! Divorce Attorney and Wedding Planner!!! You're a genius!

molometer profile image

molometer 4 years ago

Kim Kardashian, that was a non starter from the get go.

Tom Cruise and his latest wife are splitting, I heard today. What is that, wife number 3 already?

Seems people do love a wedding. Just seems these that not many of them can sustain a marriage.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Hello, Time Traveller....Happy to have you visit my site.....

Very true....stupidity and self-damage runs rampant. In all fairness, I probably should have added that people make decisions....that, at the time, they believe will not harm them...? I guess that would be closer to fact.

The results of your research on single-parent homes, being responsible for a child's life-long problems, is terribly sad and frightening. Our War-Mongering Politicians must not be aware of these statistics....for surely war is responsible for 5 times the number of single-parent homes. Those poor children don't even get week-ends and every other Holiday with their other parent. Zero influence at all. alas....that's another issue...another hub.

I read your bio and am quite impressed with your background and eclectic interests. I could easily be a willing and happy RVer.....and have asked the hypothetical question a time or two.....which was met with...."You must be kidding." Some people have no sense of adventure!! I think you and your hubby have the right idea!

I look forward to delving into your hubs! Thank you for sharing in the discussion here and for your sensible insight! Peace and Safe Traveling!!!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Borntocare.....Your comment is priceless. I'm so glad you chose to state your opinion and the advice is invaluable!! Funny how smart a couple of good beatings makes us, isn't it? (Maybe the parents of yesterday who used the PADDLE, had something there!?) Feel the sting now and then and suddenly it all looks clear!

I would say how funny your question to young men in the last paragraph is.....but it's only funny because it's true. Bless your heart.......even a PRO-Female like myself agrees. OK.....we ARE complex individuals.

The reality, IMO, at this point.....for those young and contemplating is.....the longer we look at the issue....(the entire concept of marriage)......the sooner and more clearly you'll find the RIGHT answer for yourself.

No ONE decision is the right thing for every single couple. It just isn't.

You mention "counsel" before marriage.......imagine that? You mean, as opposed to desperately seeking it AFTER??? Hmmmmm, that might just work!

We could probably all agree on one thing......When you're about to when LOVE screws up our common sense.......when disappointemnt shows up, we ALL get reasonable!

Thanks again Borntocare!!!! Peace!

TIMETRAVELER2 profile image

TIMETRAVELER2 4 years ago

Your entire hub can be summed up in your statement that mature, intelligent people wouldn't purposely do anything to harm themselves. We do not live in a society full of mature, intelligent people, unfortunately as is evidenced by some of the exceedingly stupid and self damaging things people do every day...drugs, smoking, alcoholism, out of wedlock pregnancies, etc. Furthermore, I HAVE researched some of these issues and children from single parent homes generally have lifelong problems that are directly related to the fact that they grew up missing one parent. Also, the base divorce rate is 40%, but it goes up in second and third marriages.

I feel very strongly about this issue and have written a few of my own hubs that deal with marriage and the decline of the family. I am deeply concerned and keep hoping that we will find some good answers.

Well done hub.

Born2care2001 profile image

Born2care2001 4 years ago from Asheville NC

Another great hub Paula! I can tell by the comments that you have struck a chord! (much like today's marriages it might not be harmonic, but you have definitely struck a chord with your readers)

Well, for what it's worth, here's my 2 cents!

I'm no longer wrapped up in the forever thing since due to personal experience I found out forever is only 22 years long. (shorter or longer depending on ones degree of intestinal fortitude)

I do think, regardless of the statics and today's cultural mores, that marriage is still a wonderfully exotic institution as long as you learn 3 things:

1) Marriage is a legal contract, not a condition defining love.

2) Contracts get broken when the people involved in agreeing to them don't do their homework first.

3) Nothing, and I mean nothing lasts forever. Not human life and not marriage. It ends by death or decision (not necessarily in that order) (Kidding)

So my advice for anyone of any age when considering marriage or remarriage is to get some good counsel (I mean honest, knowledgeable loving counsel) and then heed the advice if pertinent!

Remove the ego and we remove the problem. Learn about it up front and save yourself a lot of emotional pain. Be Happy.

One last piece of advice for young men considering marriage. There is one decision you should make before you make the decision to marry. Ask yourself, "Do I want to be married or right?" You'll know all you need to know if you can honestly answer that question!!!

Voting up across the board and sharing!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

molo........Were you by any chance thinking of the multi-million dollar wedding of Miss Kim Kardashian? How silly! Her marriage lasted 3 months. You mean, that's not long enough?

molometer profile image

molometer 4 years ago

Well this is a conundrum. Your analysis of what makes a marriage work is spot on. Unfortunately it seems common these days, for couples to spend more money and time on the 'wedding' with no thought of the marriage to come.

I guess weddings are still popular but marriage is not.

From what I have seen myself. The more money spent by ordinary people on the wedding, the shorter the marriage lasts. Bizarre but true.

Voted up and very interesting. Sharing to the twitterverse.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Gypsy....your Gram was a riot! I'll bet she had an incredibly great attitude about most everything!!

To be with the SAME person for 70 years, sends shock waves up my spine. People shouldn't even have to live with THEMSELVES for that damned long!!! LOL

Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 4 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

My Grandma, who was married for over 70 years, always told me that the first 30 years are the worst.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Pamela.....Certainly there are many, many happy & successful marriages. It's wonderful when that is the case. I really wasn't meaning to focus on the high divorce rate as much as I was pointing out the fact that couples are simply not getting married in the first much these days.

I have also recently read some rather interesting info about the fact that RE-marriages are even happening much less frequently. Meaning: "marriage" itself does not appeal to the masses as it once did.

This could easily turn around at any time, also. These things seem to occur in generations for some reason...and then come back into popularity.

Thanks for your input, Pam

Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma

Paula, there are happy marriages. I've been married to the same man for many years. We just have to work at it and not consider it as having an expiration date. Sometimes people drift apart but if we don't let that happen to begin with it helps keep things together.

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

My oldest just moved in with her boyfriend...I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. As usual, I'm not saying much - just observing. They are both professional adults and seem to be enjoying their time together. They have been dating for about a year....I'm not sure if that's really long enough to know if you want to live together forever - I dated Dave for 7 years before marriage! Lol. We shall see! Roll the dice!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thanks Kelly.....after reading your hub (interview w/ your hubby) sounds like you have exactly what you want!!

Yeah, the statistics are staggering with no improvements in sight.. I've changed my thinking on encouraging young couples to marry rather than co-habitate. They seem to know better than I do, in this day and age.

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Hi Effer - wow - great article! I have wondered about all the people that stay in loveless marriages "for the kids". I'm not sure I'd want my kids experiencing that or doing it themselves. I understand people that want to stay true to a commitment for the greater good but I think leading by example is what we do. I want to be happy with my husband not just settle and exist, you know? Really thought provoking!!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thank you, may be sad for this to be the way it is at this point and time in our society....but the facts speak loudly. I appreciate you reading and commenting on my hub. Peace!

ishwaryaa22 profile image

ishwaryaa22 5 years ago from Chennai, India

Great way of voicing your views on the receding importance of marriage in the 21st century. Interesting. Vote up.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Oh so true, does NOT have to change..."Congrats" to you and Ms.Bees' knees for nearly 45 years. That warms my cold heart. You really think it's the "multiple" divorces per person that's jacking up the statistics? Sadly my friend, that's not a fact. Proof of that is that there's a much higher number of DIVORCEES who do not RE-MARRY nowadays. and so class, "what does this tell us??" Well, teacher, it tells us that the younger generation has learned that ONE MISTAKE IS ENOUGH FOR ANYONE." Your sisters have incredible stamina and resolve! You GO, girls!!

Pcunix profile image

Pcunix 5 years ago from SE MA

Oh, and on the number of divorces: many are the same people getting divorced again and again. My two sisters have six or seven exes between them.. maybe more, I lost count and never even met some of them!

Pcunix profile image

Pcunix 5 years ago from SE MA

Well, my wife and I are coming up on 45 years next July and I still think she's the bee's knees.. so it doesn't HAVE to change.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thanks, Sharon.....I still have to chuckle a bit when I think back at how my parents and their peers viewed DIVORCE...(in the 50's & 60's)...It was HORRIBLE..a Tragedy...Disgrace...Shame...SIN....OH GOD!! I don't think they reacted so fiercely when someone DIED!! Attitudes have changed drastically. As with everything, there has to be a "middle lane" somewhere, don't ya think?? Always appreciate when you stop by!

Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

Great points you make here Paula. I know my parents stayed together and at times, I thought they should not have done so. SO I am familiar with staying in relationships even if they are not good for you. And I've had many lessons to learn.

Hope all is well with you,


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Rosemary....Thank you so much for stopping by. We are in agreement on all points. When I think back to as few as 30 years ago, it is clear that the "stigma," of divorce has been erased. Societal or familial attitudes & beliefs should never be a reason to live in misery.

Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 5 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

A very good read on marriage.

We fall in love get married but things change, outside pressures change a person, maybe drives them to alcohol or anger builds up and the parner becomes abusive. and life together becomes intolerable. Maybe their sex life isn't what it should be and so he/she looks elsewhere for satisfaction.

In the past divorse was shunned and looked down on in society and so people were forced to stay in a miserable, often abusive marriage.

Statistics are rising not simply because it is made easier but people want to live a happy normal life again and get away from the pain.

With celebs I would imagine that a great number of marriages are for the publicity value. Neither their lifestyle or other commitments are condusive to a happy normal settled marriage.

I enjoyed reading your hub, it is well laid out and offers many points of view. very interesting

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

mjfarns....thank you. I appreciate that you are visiting my hubs. Im off to look you up, fellow hubber!

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mjfarns 5 years ago from Bloomington, Illinois USA

Lol, nice one!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

moiragallaga....Yes, I agree with you and will add that there are a number of issues involved as far as I can tell.....This generation of young adults (for the most part, kids of we Babyboomers) have a much larger percentage of females who are "self-supporting," due to further education and waiting longer to marry in the 1st. place. I'm sure you've heard about the wives of the '60's who STAYED BECAUSE THEY HAD NOWHERE TO GO AND COULD NEVER SUPPORT THEIR KIDS ALONE?" This is a reality and a big part of why so many women were trapped into miserable marriages. They felt they had "no choice." Also, as weird as this may seem, there was much more "social & family pressure," back then...Society still LABELED divorced people as losers and your family went into mourning for years. I don't know if couples give up so easily as much as it is the fact that they're LESS pressured to remain married. I did hours and hours of "listening."

moiragallaga profile image

moiragallaga 5 years ago from Lisbon, Portugal

You did a pretty good commentary on marriage, voted up. Nowadays, it appears that people just give up easily. The fact that it is easy to get a divorce probably causes a lot of people to not think deeply about getting married and the commitment it requires. They just simply jump into it knowing that if it starts to feel like something they didn't picture it to be, they could always bail.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Cogerson, you're too kind, but I appreciate it! There are fairly accurate ways to gauge the current divorce rates. Start with your own family/extended family and circle of friends...then, a group of neighbors, co-workers, church friends, members of any clubs or organizations you belong to...(if you're involved in various activities with your children, you usually know the parents) Just mentally gather in your head as many people as you know (well enough to know if they've been divorced) Just these numbers will give you a pretty good idea. Then have a few other people do the same thing and combine your numbers. If this works out for you as it does for all the people I know who have done this...that's pretty much your "average" or norm. I'm fairly confident you'll come up with an over-50% divorce rate. I agree with you that it sounds high, but I'm afraid it is pretty staggering.

Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 5 years ago from Virginia

Great hub with great pieces of wisdom. I think 7 out of 10 is a little high...I think the more current statistics are about 50/50....I know in my wife and I are both in our 2nd we are at that is high. I think one of the reasons divorce rate is so how easy it is to get a when you run into some rough times....and every marriage people just give up and go and get a divorce.....while the successful marriages get through those tough times and come out of it with a stronger marriage.

I especially like the way you ended your hub....great advice and very well written. Voted up and very useful and interesting.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

I can't even bear to listen to the hoopla about yet another Kardashian fiasco. When we take into consideration the genuine crisis the everyday individual must deal with continually....This family of fakes truly is, as you say, "a disgrace."

Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

An excellent article about the bonds of marriage. Let's just hope that hollywood doesn't serve as an example for wedded bliss. That Kim chick and her soon to be ex are a disgrace. 73 days ago YOU taught me more about that K family then I ever knew and I'd rather forget! Haha! Shout-out to responsible adults who marry for love not attention! :)

thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 5 years ago from West Virginia

Up, useful, beautiful, and comment. You really make some great points. "Love, understand, and accept". That is great advice. A good example is Kim Kardashian and that Chris guy. I believe they lasted 17 tears. I believe ego always plays a hand in these cases. A few have led by example, but it is too far and in between. Good article.

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