MARRIAGES & Affairs

Source

Marriages & Affairs

PART I

Marriages that do not include “Transparency & Intimacy” are susceptible to infidelity. An affair is a sexual relationship between two people outside of marriage! An affair can also be an emotional attachment. Be it physical or emotional there is a transference that occurs. The spouse has opted to seek someone outside of the marriage to meet their physical or emotional needs!

When either spouse does not learn how to become transparent they are usually deficient in the intimacy department. Although the relationship continues marital “Trust” is not established. There is a lingering element of insecurity that is indicative of the relationship! There is also an insatiable void! A pattern of ongoing dysfunction within the marriage can easily be established if not dealt with… Secrecy becomes a part of the marriage!

Marriage was designed so each spouse could grow together and openly share their wants, needs and insecurities and become sensitive, and vulnerable to one another! The desire is to build a loving environment of trust and enjoy life together with one another! This is what transparency is all about! This leads to building a stronger cohesive bond. Each partner is different yet equally important. Mutual respect cultivates a healthier environment where your personal needs can be met! Vigorously meeting one another’s marital needs are then a major priority in your marriage!

There are numerous reasons why someone is not able to establish “intimacy and transparency.” When one has been abused, mistreated, neglected, lack coping skills, is subject to peer pressure, or has an addiction they quite often lack self esteem as well. They may suffer from depression, rather than address their hurts they suppress them. It may also be that they simply lack moral and spiritual values. In either case they may unconsciously select a partner that does not subscribe to transparency or is abusive! The relationship tends to remain surface without depth and void of any fulfillment. This in itself can cause one to continue to look beyond marriage to have their needs met. Secrecy begins to dominate the marriage!

Each marriage is quite different! Each spouse has a different temperament. They each vary in the need or desire for Inclusion, Control and Affection. Some couples marry and establish a businesslike relationship. They then often seek to have their emotional and sometimes physical needs met outside of the marriage. Open marriages rarely work. They do not allow the couple to properly bond and establish trust and intimacy. Here again there is also usually an underlining insecurity. Some seek open marriages because they lack the ability to commit to a trusitng monogamous relationship.

Adults need healthy self esteem! When they do not have self confidence there is then a tendency to cover it up! Drugs or alcohol is another way of covering up low esteem and inner pain to compensate for their insecurities. The changing shift in morals increases and abets experimentation in the area of illicit sex and drugs as well. Countless individuals are currently addicted to pornography and other sexually related addictions. Unknowing they have been seduced not thoroughly considering the spiritual ramifications or consequences of walking in disobedience! This is why it is important to know that God sees everything!

Many enter into marriage without really getting to know the person they marry. Either spouse has quite often, not taken the time to examine one another’s values or priorities. They in fact are “unequally yoked. ” Your spouse is supposed to be your life partner! Marriage is supposed to be a commitment to God’s design for marriage! This is why it is so important not to rush into marriage for whatever reason? After all, you are going to be together for a lifetime?

There is much on the horizon in this 21st century to change God’s design for marriage. It is within the context of this article I am attempting to make an exertion to address “Marriage God’s Way” and some of its surrounding issues. His original design for marriage has not changed.

When one hastily rushes heart first into marriage, the relationship often become compartmentalized and there are parts of one another that are not readily shared. It takes more time for each spouse to sort through the layers of personality. In order to grow together there must be the desire for ongoing transparency. When one does not become transparent emotional walls begin to erect. In the interim you may “walk on eggshells.” This becomes stressful as well as unhealthy! Nor does this let your spouse in and often one elects to supplement their needs outside of the marriage.

Pornography, sexual addictions of all sorts and affairs are on the rise in this 21st century. These are a few of the unhealthy ways of meeting your marital needs outside of marriage! Addictions are strong, uncontrollable compulsive behaviors that are damaging to the mind, body and soul! Sexual dysfunction is prevalent today and rising! It is a not only a physical disorder but psychological as well. STD’s and HIV become probable dire health issues? Since sex outside the sanctity of marriage is often supported this tends to make it much easier to go outside the marriage to seek ways to get your needs met.

Our teens need better healthy committed marriage role models! Sexual feelings are natural and should be openly discussed rather than ignored! Many teens participate in sex before marriage without fully considering the bonding that takes place when sex occurs. Promiscuity among teens often occurs when one seeks to fill their inner void through sexual relationships. Not realizing that they are actually giving away parts of themselves. There is an enormous amount of peer pressure for teens! This can result in unexpected pregnancies. This can also later result in further hindering future transparency in marriage!

Marriage is the first institution that God designed! “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh…” You void Trust when you dishonor your marriage vows… It is important to know what you join yourself together with becomes a part of you! This is another reason why one should take their time in selecting a spouse!

If you are a believer, you must consult our Creator and Maker instead of embracing the world’s many alternatives? If you have ignored Him, you can always change? God is able! Start right where you are! You must begin to diligently seek God for help with your marriage! Meditate on His Word, embrace and implement His principles in your life! Begin to be honest with your spouse! Or you can continue to “do your own thing?”

Getting your needs met outside of marriage is not His way. It is actually a weakness taking the helm of your life. This leads you on the broad road that leads to destruction. This will eventually devastate your spouse and further weaken your ability to build a strong healthy marriage and hinders your spiritual life as well. One must take some time and ponder what the impact of practicing infidelity or sex outside of marriage does to their spouse! It hurts them terribly!!!

* If you are in ministry one should really take time to address the consequences of indulging in a sexual relationship outside of marriage! You water down your effectiveness and invalidate the call on your life! The Word teaches us a seducing spirit is in operation here and causing you to “walk in the flesh” See Galatians 5.

If you are a believer it is important to know the WORD of God! The Word was never meant to be a set of rigid legalistic rules and regulations. It is our “Life Manual!” A powerful loving guide that is designed to point us to TRUTH! To keep us on the straight and narrow road! God is now your Father or is He? God does not force us; we have the right to choose! It is important to weigh the consequences? You do not want to be a stranger to His will and way! Or do you?

When you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord you are saying you want to develop an intimate transparent relationship with Him! Don’t let the world dull your conscience and spiritual ethics! As long as we all are on this side of heaven we are here to learn and grow spiritually! The Lord sees us individually and knows exactly where each of us are! We are supposed to reach out for the Lord, call on Jesus and apply His Word to our lives daily! His arms are always open …

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Comments 60 comments

Sky321 profile image

Sky321 6 years ago from Canada

You covered a lot of bases. Great hub! Thank you for sharing.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Sky321, You are welcome! Thank You for stopping by to share! In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


cristina327 profile image

cristina327 6 years ago from Manila

This is indeed a great hub. Thank you for sharing these great insights. This is indeed a great counsel to live by particularly in the 21st century when wickedness is at its height. Blessings to you always.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

Thank you Lady D, I couldn't have said it better, every word is true. Thank you for enlightening us on marriages & Affairs. Godspeed. creativeone59


Vladimir Uhri profile image

Vladimir Uhri 6 years ago from HubPages, FB

I do appreciate this Hub very much.

Thank you.


Loves To Read profile image

Loves To Read 6 years ago

Hallelujah.. and Amen.. Great hub DeBorrah. In today's society it seems that anything goes. The true Biblical meaning of marriage has in many cases gone out the door. The so called powers that be are encouraging people to live in any perverted way they want. Sadly there are even Churches who advocate same sex unions, even for the ministers. These same people allow innocent children to be raised in this type of relationships without any thought of Gods Laws.

Thank you for speaking out.May Gods blessings be upon you.


Kristeen profile image

Kristeen 6 years ago from Michigan

This is a great hub DeBorrah! One that we all need to read, Christians and non Christians alike. In our marriage, as in all we do we should ask ourselves, "Does what I am doing or saying honor God?" If our conscience tells us otherwise, listen to it and pray for direction and help from God to guide us down a path that pleases Him.

God's blessings!

Kristeen


RevLady profile image

RevLady 6 years ago from Lantana, Florida

I so agree with you that the escalating rate of divorces and separations, clearly suggest that “Transparency & Intimacy” are lacking in many marriages today. Too many are trying to build a foundation without God and develop marriages "their way" as opposed to "Marriages God's Way."

You brought out vital points that would behoove couples to seriously consider. So much of the discontent and chaos in marital relationships is directly related to ignoring and not heeding the guidelines provided in the Word of God.

Thank you for this enlightening hub DeBorrah. Your sensitivity to sexual issues of today, confronting the young and old is filled with wisdom. May those that have ears to hear, hear. AMEN!

Love, peace, and joy be yours!

Forever His


dawnM profile image

dawnM 6 years ago from Camarillo, CA

great information, yes it is very important to know your spouse well before you marry them, because you are commiting to a life with them and this is very serious indeed!


billyaustindillon profile image

billyaustindillon 6 years ago

Very well written and pointing out what should be a natural progression within a marriage.


fred allen profile image

fred allen 6 years ago from Myrtle Beach SC

What alarms me is the divorce rate among professing believers. The Barna research group conducted a study that reported findings in which divorce rates were significantly higher among conservative Christians than other faith groups and much higher than athiests and agnostics. Evangelicals lead the way with 34% having been divorced. Donald Hughes author of "The Divorce Reality" claims that 90% of divorces among born again couples occur after they have been saved. If this is accurate then we need to return to the roots of our faith to find an anchor point. God hates divorce. He enters into covenant relationship with us in salvation. When wedding vows are spoken we enter into a covenant relationship with our spouse. If God were to change His mind where would we be? Without hope! Why do so many take their vows so lightly? It is because many live to please self and this is the heart of the matter. If we are truly living to please God how could we justify going back on our word to the one He gave us in marriage? These statistics say much about the failure of the church to teach the value of self denial. The value of being true to our word even at the expense of self gratification. Powerful hub! Great topic.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Cristina, Thank you! You are so right about “wickedness is at its height.” It is becoming increasingly clear that Marriage, family and relationships God’s way are being pushed to the background! "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked..." Psalms 1.

We who are believers must promote God’s Way of living! After all this is why we “say” we are believers! I Believe ALL God's Word! Thank you for stopping by to share! In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Creativeone, Thank you for stopping by to share your comments! You are quite welcome! In His Love Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Valdimir Uhri, Thank You! I appreciate you stopping by to share! You are quite welcome! In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


skn12 profile image

skn12 6 years ago from Sambalpur(Orissa)

Nice Hub.


jill of alltrades profile image

jill of alltrades 6 years ago from Philippines

What a beautiful and well-thought out hub DeBorrah!

Marriages that do not put God in the center are usually bound to fail.

Thank you for sharing your insight and inspiration.

God bless!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Loves to read! Thank You! I see we are on the same page here! Yes! It does seem like anything goes! Along with it goes putting God’s design for marriage on the back burner! Yes again! “The so called powers that be are encouraging people to live in any perverted way they want” This is spiritual warfare at its finest. Lord help the Young people who are growing up amidst all of this ...!

As believers this means that we believe The Word of God! RIGHT? Well God does not condone any sex outside of marriage! As believers God ordained marriage between a man and a woman! We are to honor our marriage vows as well as the marriages of others!

God does not contradict His Word so who is behind changing it? Just something to think about! I think you have the right to decide to do whatever. But that does not make it right in the eyes of God!!! So let’s call it what it really is without hiding behind the Word. Same sex relationships are not the same thing.

We are called to minister according to the Word of God not change it to fit our sexual preferences… GOD is LOVE so how can one define LOVE and by pass His principles? God is so gracious. But grace is not a license to do as one pleases! Do as you will! But I am Pro Marriage God’s Way!

Thank you for sharing your heartfelt comments! In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


coffeesnob 6 years ago

DeBorrah,

Very excellent hub. It is so true that many don't really know the person they are marrying...in addition I think no one really understand love until they have weathered some storms with their spouse.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Kristeen, Thank You! I know you see everyday how this impacts the lives of others our youth included. Many are confused about what is right because the many alternatives are moving to the forefront! As you say we each should ask? "Does what I am doing or saying honor God?" As believers this should be our first priority!

Yes I agree We must seek the Lord’s direction. God truly is able!

Thank you for sharing your thought provoking insight! In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Rev Lady,It is really getting out of hand! It is so true that “Transparency & Intimacy" are lacking… Many attend worship and go right back to a home environment that is empty and distant. This is not what God intended for marriages and the family! Jesus did not come, live a sinless life! Die on the cross and be crucified then arose with ALL POWER!; so we could have unfulfilling marriages and homes!

We must begin to embrace the TRUTH of HIS Word! “ The thief comes to steal kill and destroy…” John 10. He is wreaking havoc on the home life of believers as well as non believers. Many are changing partners like a pair of shoes… This does not have to be! That is why I say start where you are! What has been done can not be undone. We can not sit on the sidelines and allow the TRUTH of God’s Word to be distorted! “Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly…” In every way!

Thank you for sharing your encouraging Words on the TRUTH of God’s Word! We must continue to challenge others to embrace “Building stronger MARRIAGES GOD’S WAY!” God truly is able! To GOD Be the GLORY! May we honor Him in our marriages and homes as well as honor the marriages of others.

I thank God for you and your deep abiding spiritual insight! Bless you my sister In the Lord. THANK YOU for sharing! May HIS Peace & JOY rest upon you!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

DawnM, Amen! Thank You! It is very important to take the time to get to know this person you are committing to for life! If you are already married it is never too late to start where you are... Thank you for stopping by to share, In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

Thank you for this beautiful hub. Everything you said is so right. Marriage is about loving someone else more than ourselves. Love is a wonderful thing. God Bless You.


A M Werner profile image

A M Werner 6 years ago from West Allis

Fantastic hub DeBorrah! Marriage has truly taken on varied forms, and that is why it is vital that Christians seek a Christian marriage - one that is His way and not the world's way. People run to judges and have secular marriages which really have no yoke other than the law, which is weak, and people so easily renounce and revoke these. In the heat of the moment, no idea whatever forever means because in the back of the mind there is always an out, always a viable reason the promise can be broken. If only people truly understood what keeping a promise really means. If only they truly comprehended what it meant to be steadfast, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad times - through all sorts of stormy weather. Great hub. Peace.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 6 years ago from London, UK

This is Excellent - So much I have learnt and its practical too. I've Bookmarked it and hope to refer to it again from time to time and share with others.

You are a great Blessing.

Best Wishes. :)


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Billyaustindilion, Thank you for stopping by to share your insightful comments! In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Fred Allen, It is "alarming"! Excellent Points! The Word is powerful But when it comes to divorce, sex, family issues many Christians embrace the many alternatives of the world and turn away from what God says...

“If this is accurate then we need to return to the roots of our faith to find an anchor.” You are point on! Yes! “God hates divorce” Then why are so many divorcing? It is because many use God’s grace for a license to sin. They turn Him off and on like a faucet!

This is why I say it is important to get to know the person you say you want to marry before you marry! Or if you are married continue or begin to rekindle your marriage and build transparency and intimacy. You have entered a covenant relationship! Many walk away and change partners like a pair of shoes… God’s Word has become an option… They do not really see Marriage as a “Covenant Relationship”

You have made some excellent points that will serve to help others who read this! “These statistics say much about the failure of the church to teach the value of self denial. The value of being true to our word even at the expense of self gratification.“ This is powerful! Just think because it has become so common no one wants to really say what is happening. I realize as long as we do not openly discuss these issues they will continue. They are currently gaining momentum and there is serious spiritual warfare to breakdown marriage and then families. This is why “anything goes” You are so right in general the Church is not doing its part. I KNOW this for a fact… There is much support to justify sex outside of marriage and “doing your own thing.”

Thank you for sharing your thought provoking, insightful comments. I pray that others are further inspired! Please do come again! In His, Love, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

skn12, Thank you! Please come again! Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Jill of all trades, Thank you for taking the time to stop by and share! Yes, I so agree! Marriages that do not recognize God are due to fail! Your comments are appreciated! You are quite welcome! Thank you in His Love, Peace & Blessings!


msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

Wow..you brought up everything that I can think of...thank you, DeBorrah, this is a wonderfully written hub and a must read for those who are planning to get married or those that are already in marriage and in an unstable stage.

Thank you.

Much love always,

Melinda


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Coffeesnob! Thank You! God makes all the difference in the world in our lives! We can learn invaluable life lessons within marriage! When we allow Him to be the center of our Marriages we honor Him! Thank you for sharing your insight! In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Stars439, You are quite welcome! Thank you! It is within a committed marriage, I believe we are able to expericence the depth and height of true godly Love! Love truly is a gift from God! Thank you for sharing, may the Lord continue to Bless, strengthen and keep you in HIS care, In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

A. M. Werner, You are so right! “It is vital that Christians seek a Christian marriage - one that is His way and not the world's way.” Amen & AMEN!! Marriage God’s Way is beautiful! Life can get serious and complicated our security and significance must be in the Lord. When we honor God in our marriages there is a security knowing that He is your center focus. You have confidence knowing He can and will work everything out in His time for your good! Praise God!

It is within a committed marriage you learn the true meaning of commitment. This is an invaluable life lesson. “only if they truly comprehended what it meant to be steadfast, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad times - through all sorts of stormy weather.” Yes! Thank you as always for stopping by to share your wise insightful wisdom! In HIS Love, Peace, Joy & Blessings! Again THANK YOU!


fred allen profile image

fred allen 6 years ago from Myrtle Beach SC

I have a 17 year old son who has been dating the same girl for about 6 months. He's the one on my profile picture. He has a high GPA and plans to attend a local college. We have had several discussions concerning his future plans and he has never brought up the subject of marriage. Now I'm hearing he plans to get married after high school. At his age, hormones are a very powerful force. He has been raised in church and is a witness to the moving of God in my life. He has seen the passion I have for God as tears stream from my eyes when the presence of God comes upon me powerfully. My prayer is that he will do as the Spirit of God leads. My fear is that if the desire for sex outweighs the direction from God in his mind, he will make the wrong decision. While it is impossible to see into the future a marriage built on a weak foundation cannot survive the storms. I will have some serious discussions with him and there is still time to help him make good decisions since they have 1 more year of school left. And alot can happen in a year, they may decide to go in different directions. One thing is for sure though, being a good parent requires a great ammount of wisdom. The ability to foresee potential dangers and how to best prepare your children how to deal with them or to avoid them altogether. I will use the wisdom you imparted in this hub as a starting point.


bayoulady profile image

bayoulady 6 years ago from Northern Louisiana,USA

A WONDERFUL hub! I read all the comments as well, which were also very thoughtfuly submitted. Trouble with that is that by the time I got to my comments block...well.......I got nuttin'! Everything that I was going to say has been said. Further, it has been said so well that all I can think to add is AMEN!

I love your hubs!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Lady E. Thank you so much! I am so glad to hear that this has been helpful! You are an inspiration and help to many!

It is a breath of fresh air to see such a beautiful young woman on the move who is seeking to live wisely and responsibly and enjoy life with vigor and purpose keeping God’s principles in mind! I am very Proud of you! Thank you for stopping by to share and your support here is appreciated as well! In HIS Love, Peace, Joy & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Msoresson, Thank You! It is always nice to see you! You are quite welcome!

There is so much going on where marriage is concerned; I think opening up the dialogue is most helpful! I am thankful for the many comments and insight many have shared here. I think in one way or another others will be helped those seeking marriage and those already married! Thank you for stopping by to share as well. In HIS Love, Peace, Joy & Blessings!


msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

I shared it with everyone on my FB post..Lots of people, if they come and read it, would benefit from it.

Many blessings, Deborrah.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Fred Allen,

It is interesting when you see your teenager embark upon that door that leads to life changing decisions. Especially when you know that no matter how intelligent or grounded they may be there are some troubled waters of heartache and growing pains ahead…

Your sincerity as a father will go a long way. I think it is important to share the many possibilities that are available just by using day to day scenarios? When something is in the news or on television get some feedback from him and ask his opinion. Spend time with them together … Use the time to impart invaluable fatherly wisdom without being too demanding. Keeping in mind that you want to stress Marriage is meant to last a life time when it is done God’s Way.

I have found that when one decides to marry they want to hear very little from those who are apposed to their decision…. Keeping the lines of communication open is what is most important. Being a parent first and transitioning your relationship into one where you recognize that your son is in a pre adult state. Soon he can do as he pleases… I pray that he allows the Lord to lead him as well...

Having sexual desires is healthy for teens … finding ways to help them understand the reality of “sex outside of marriage” is challenging .. Discussing examples such as It can be like; what kryptonite was to superman or again whatever you join yourself together with becomes a part of you… Everything around them says go for it. But we know that there is a deeper meaning here that most supposedly mature adults cannot handle…

The subject of marriage may not have come up sooner because some times teens think it is being mature by not telling their parents certain things….Your witness is certainly powerful it comes through in your writing. The spiritual warfare often allows challenges to be brought via our children ...

I think it is wonderful that you are so mindful of this now… Keep leaning on the Lord for direction your loving guidance is much needed. Again, Finding ways to impart more godly principles about marriage and keeping the lines of communication open is important…

I certainly think your input here will further help others as well to really “THINK “ about their future or current marriages… Thank you for coming back to share, In His Love, Peace & Blessings


itakins profile image

itakins 6 years ago from Irl

DeBorrah K.

It seems so many kids now are not actually being given any solid foundations to build upon-and so have difficulty when it comes to understanding moral parameters, especially when it comes to issues like the sanctity of marriage .Thank you ,this is worth sharing.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Bayoulady, Thank you for taking the time to stop by and share your encouraging words! Please do come again and feel free to add your comments! In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Msorensson, How very nice of you! Thank you for taking the time to share this with others! Your support is much appreciated! It is my prayer that many are helped as well. There is much going on… Again thank you for your genuine concerns! In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Itakins, It is true but so sad. It is becoming quite evident that this generation is suffering so because the legacy of the "Sanctity of Marriage" is not being passed on. As you stated there is much "difficulty when it comes to understanding moral parameters" Yet, there is much encouragement for them to do as they please with few consequences expressed! We must continue to seek constructive ways to reach out to them...

Thank you for taking the time to stop by and share your insight as well as pass this on... Always nice to hear from you! In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


Daniel mark Areghan 6 years ago

Good evening Deborah,your articules and messages has been a blessing to every one that reads it.I pray that God will continue to enlarge your ministry.God bless you.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Daniel mark Areghan, Thank you for taking the time to stop by and share your words of encouragment they are much appreciated!

May the Lord Bless and Keep You! Please do come again!

It is my prayer that many others are encouraged to build stronger "MARRIAGES GOD'S WAY!" To GOD Be The GLORY!

In HIS Love, Peace, Joy & Blessings!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia

Great take on marriages and affairs. My ex had numerous affairs, and it's a huge strain on a marriage. I finally gave up on trying to salvage the marriage. I remarried and am very happy now!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Habee, How fortunate that you were able to move pass the pain and strain... God is good! I am glad to hear that you are happy NOW! Transparency & Intimacy are important in a good marriage! Thank you for taking the time to stop by and share! Take Care & Be well!! In HIS Love, Peace & Blessings!


no body profile image

no body 6 years ago from Rochester, New York

Love the governing principle but accountability and transparency is the way to gain trust. I have always done this with my wife. I never go anywhere she can't immediately find me. I never turn off my phone but even before we had phones I always wanted her to know my every move. Many a time she would tell me that I did not need to do that. I told her that it was accountability and a "just in case." She gradually learned that it is a good idea and does the same for me. She was not raised this way but has become this way for me. No wonder I love her so much! Love you too, DeB. in Christ.


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia

I just wanted to add that I think trust is paramount in a relationship - in all aspects - not just fidelity.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Nobody, Love is truly a gift from God! Trust and transparency are a part of accountability! I am honored that we too have total TRUST! God is Awesome! My husband knows where I am 24/7 and I he… Realizing that there is so much spiritual warfare that goes on in this world we know it is necessary! It is what God knows that matters most! One must always be aware but not afraid of what is going on about you…! Especially when you are committed to the Lord! There is nowhere that we can go that His Holy Spirit is not with us to help us! “Greater is He that is in us, than he that is in the world…”

Many are being deceived... We must sincerely live out HIS principles for "MARRIAGE GOD’S WAY!" I am most Thankful for a husband that LOVES me totally! We honor GOD as we honor our marriages! In HIS Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings! "To GOD Be The GLORY!"


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Habee, Yes! Trust and fidelity go hand and hand! The traditional wedding vows pledges your "Troth" to one another which means to pledge your fidelity! Fidelity means you are committed and trustworthy!

I think it is important to KEEP in mind that those vows were made to the Lord as well!

Thank you for sharing your comments, they are always welcomed! In HIS Love, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


Fred_Mcallen profile image

Fred_Mcallen 6 years ago from Texas

DeBorrah,

Great hub. As a Christian Counselor and author, infidelity is something I something I completely understand. One who has been there, done that, and lived to tell about it, I have a passion for helping others through the nightmare.

Keep up the great work,

Fred McAllen


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago Author

Fred McCallen, Thank You for your openness and honesty! There are so many that have experienced the pains of infidelity and are hurrting! TOO many casualties! I realize that this is not a favorable subject but it is vitally important. There is much spiritual warfare going on...

I know and truly believe through the guidance of His Holy Spirit we can help others to develop "Preventive" measures to safeguard against infidelity taking place… Intimacy and transparency are important in building a good strong, marriage! It is important to BUILD TRUST and embrace respect and consideration in marriage; insecurity breeds instability and leads to wandering...

Division is a viable opponent! It is important to keep God’s principles as a part of the marriage, and develop a transparent rewarding spiritual partnership… God is able!

Thank you for sharing your perspective! This will also help to encourage many others… It is important to learn how to guard your heart and make a “covenant” with your eyes and heart… keeping alive the commitment that brought you together is important!

Thank you for sharing, In His Love, Peace & Blessings!


sweetie1 profile image

sweetie1 5 years ago from India

HI,

Very intersting hub, There are still lots of things like in old civilization where sex is still taboo, females brought up in traditional houses may not be as open to it even in marriage and since they have been brought up being told not to act as Who**s they just dont do more than have disinterested sex which can lead male partner to have his physical fulfilment outside marriage. Also some guys are polygamous by nature and not even best wife in world can make them monogamous.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 5 years ago Author

Sweetie, Thank you! You have made an excellent point! Yes! There are also cultural/traditional practices and beliefs that factor in as well... In some cases sex outside of marriage is encouraged...

Many do not realize that there is a bonding that takes place during sexual intercourse... Having frequent multiple partners inhibits one's ability to build trust and transparency! I believe that Commitment and Monogamy in marriage are very important!

Thank you for stopping by to share, You have added another welcomed dimension to discuss! Your comments are most appreciated! I pray that others are helped! In HIS Love, Grace, Peace & Blessings!


sweetie1 profile image

sweetie1 5 years ago from India

Well marriage is a bond where not only physical but also emotional faithfulness is not only expected but also mandatory. But it has to take care of physical needs of boys atleast ( not saying females shdnt have,) because if not espeically after birth of child it has been seen many women are reluctant to have sex for a long time. If the husabnd is good looking, sucessful or rich then chances of him getting his fulfillment outside increase because these guys have lots and lots more oppurtunities than other guys.


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 5 years ago Author

Sweetie, Each couple is quite different but the basic principles of Marriage are the same! Love, respect, care, concern, loyalty and faithfulness should be components in every Great Marriage...

I realize that there are cultural differences that come in to play as well! However I believe that within a Great Marriage each spouse should make it a top priority to seek ways to fulfill the marital needs of their spouse...

When a woman has had a baby should not be a time for the husband to look outside of their marriage to satisfy his sexual desires... This is the time to build healthier family boundaries to secure the future of the growing family....

Thank you for stopping by to share, In HIS Love, Grace, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

This is an excellent hub for anyone who is married or about to be married. I don't think people enter marriage with the intent of being "one." It seems to be more of me + me and we as married couples reserve what is owed to the spouse. So many young people rush into marriage, not because they want a marriage, but because they want a wedding. Excellent work on this hub!


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

This is very good information. Voted up!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 4 years ago Author

Tammyswallow, Thank You! With over 55% of marriages ending in divorce I think that it is important that we encourage mutal respect, transParency & intimacy! This is how we build TRUST and "ONENESS!" Our young people are suffering and we need to encourage and show them that Marriage is honorable, and fulfilling but it is important to wait until they are really ready to make the commitment... A good marriage can stand the test of time so its important to focus more on the marriage relationship than the wedding, This way the wedding will be a day to cherish forever...

Thank you for sharing your insight! It will help to get others! In HIS Love, Grace, Joy, Peace & Blessings!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 4 years ago Author

Lovedoctor, Thank You for stopping by to share! Please feel free to stop by again. PEACE & BLESSINGS!

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