MEN NOT TO DATE ON TINDER - 14 Red Flags

Dedicated To: Everyone Who Likes Men, but Especially Women

Out of sympathy for myself and anybody else who is also interested in men (especially the straight women out there, man do I feel for you bunch), I’ve compiled a list of Tinder/OkCupid/online dating no-goes to help us all weed out the dudebros, fedora atheists, and serial killers. Let's face it; girls are beautiful and magical and smell nice, but men are often, well, underwhelming (and by that I mean extremely predatory).

Best of luck in your search, and god help us all.

1.
1. | Source
2.
2. | Source
3. Ali has struck out.
3. Ali has struck out. | Source

1. More than two shirtless pics

No. Just no. He's a douchebag, hun.

EXCEPTION: He has several pictures, and only a couple are him at the beach or the gym, etc.

Source
Only two pictures, and neither are of his face. James is cheating on somebody.
Only two pictures, and neither are of his face. James is cheating on somebody. | Source

2. Faceless pics

a) How the hell are you supposed to be attracted to someone if you can't see their face?

b) There is a 120% chance he's cheating on somebody. DO NOT PROCEED.

Tamura here has only one photo, and it only shows half of his face. Is it a true likeness? Nobody knows, because there's only one picture to reference.
Tamura here has only one photo, and it only shows half of his face. Is it a true likeness? Nobody knows, because there's only one picture to reference. | Source

3. Only one picture

Everybody can take AT LEAST one good picture of themselves in their lifetime, and I'm willing to bet my left breast that that is the pic he's using. One picture is not enough to accurately determine someone's appearance. The shit is untrustworthy.

Source
Leopold here is a serial offender. Just take a selfie, Leopold. You can switch to the front camera. I believe in you.
Leopold here is a serial offender. Just take a selfie, Leopold. You can switch to the front camera. I believe in you. | Source

4. Pictures of them with their ex(es) with their face edited out

That is taking the old "waste not whatnot" adage to the extreme. It's not cute, and it's really not classy. He seriously couldn’t just take a selfie instead?

Neckbeard.
Neckbeard.
NECKBEARD! DEAR GOD DON'T EAT ME
NECKBEARD! DEAR GOD DON'T EAT ME

5. Neckbeards

This is obvious.

EXCEPTION: He's rocking the whole hot-werewolf vibe, à la Jake Gyllenhaal. In that case, SNATCH HIM UP QUICK!!

No.
No. | Source
NO.
NO. | Source
YESSS
YESSS | Source

6. Fedoras

Also completely obvious.

EXCEPTION: Ne-Yo, Humphrey Bogart.

Where is Reet?
Where is Reet?
Where is Jacob? We'll never know.
Where is Jacob? We'll never know.

7. Too many group photos

If you can’t tell whose profile you’re actually looking at, he’s a fuckboy.

EXCEPTION: There is none; he's hiding something or trying to coast off of his more attractive friends.

Barf.
Barf. | Source
DOUBLE BARF
DOUBLE BARF | Source

8. Pictures with promotional models

This is grade-A sleaze at its worst, and a sure bet that he sees women as collectibles. If the thought of that turns you on or even sounds acceptable, you need to re-evaluate your life choices.

I.
I. | Source
Am.
Am. | Source
FABIOOOOOO!!!!!
FABIOOOOOO!!!!! | Source

9. Too many photos taken in clubs

Welcome to his life. Literally. All he does is get SO FUCKING WASTED, BRO!!

EXCEPTION: Only one club photo, maximum two, but he better be fine if he has two.

Bro
Bro
BRO
BRO
BROOOOOOOOO!!!
BROOOOOOOOO!!!

10. Too many pictures at the gym

This means he's:

a) vain

b) a dudebro.

Do you even lift, bruh?!

EXCEPTION: He’s actually just really into fitness.

Okay, not a bad mirror selfie.
Okay, not a bad mirror selfie. | Source
...
... | Source
OH COME ON, TIM!
OH COME ON, TIM! | Source

11. He makes the same face in every pic

He's probably not a bad person, he's just really dull.

Cool, you're smoking a blunt. We get it.
Cool, you're smoking a blunt. We get it. | Source
Call him maybe?
Call him maybe? | Source

12. Drug paraphernalia

So he wants the world to know that he’s a huge stoner. Cool, except he’ll probably never speak about anything else. Has he mentioned yet how many bong rips he's done today?

EXCEPTION: You are also a huge stoner. Carry on, then.

Straight boys
Straight boys | Source
do not know
do not know | Source
how to dress.
how to dress. | Source

13. He doesn’t know how to dress

He's got pictures wearing socks and sandals, sunglasses circa 2003 to match his awkwardly-shaped goatee, and Hot Wheels flames sprouting up from the hem of his shirt, resting over his baggy bermuda shorts.

Please love yourself.

Kareem is considering kill you.
Kareem is considering kill you. | Source
Joshua will most likely kill you.
Joshua will most likely kill you. | Source
Kenneth will DEFINITELY kill you.
Kenneth will DEFINITELY kill you. | Source

14. He doesn't smile at the camera, he LEERS

Do you feel the heebie-jeebies when you look at him? Do you feel slightly nauseated? Very nauseated? Does he probably have strangely clammy, wandering hands?

I DON’T CARE IF HE'S CUTE, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS AND SWIPE LEFT. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SWIPE LEFT.

He is probably an actual psychopath.

I want to know...

Have you had any luck with the men of Tinder/online dating?

  • Yes! I met my current partner(s) online!
  • Once or twice, it's hit and miss.
  • Not yet.
  • Almost.
  • Never!
  • HELL NO
See results without voting

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