Marriage Rules

When I was single, I was a Man's man. After 20 years of marriage, I've become a wimp! How? Read on.

As a single man, I very rarely folded clean clothes. I had a pile for clean and a pile for dirty. If I had to dress up, I'd break out the iron. Upon getting married things changed. Hangers were to be used for clothes, not for popping locks when your keys were lockred in the car. No more keeping the muffler up on the car either. Hangers weren't designed for that Funny..................they seemed to solve the problem. Hangers and duct tape could cure Cancer.

Once iI was taught to use hangers, I discovered just hanging the clothes in the closet wasn't correct. There was a method. First you had to hang stuff up right side out. Pants with pants, shirts with shirts. Glad I got married so I could discover my stupidity.

After marriage, I discovered that there were two kinds of towels. Those that hung nice and neat. Don't touch them! OH NO! Those were for decoration and guests. I could only use a towel once. After that it was considered dirty. I tried to convince my wife the other side was clean. It appears I'm a stupid Idiot.

As a single guy I'd use a towel till it was too stiff to use anymore. Then I'd make it a cutting board. Plus my towels never matched my decor. Damn, I didn't even know what decor was till I got married.

A word of warning concerning towels. Guys love to have towel fights. You know where you roll the towel and use it like a whip. Guys, women don't like that. No matter how big their ass is.

Pillows are another sore subject. It's bad enough she makes the bed everyday. Why? I don't know we just destroy it at bedtime! Sleeping, not sex. I'm married remember? Sorry I'm wandering.

Anyway why do I have to have all these pillows on my bed. They are never used. They are just placed off to the side.Got to move pillows to sleep. Got to move pillows to sit. Every Holiday someone gives her another pillow. Friends bring back pillows from vacations. Is there ANYBODY ON MY SIDE? Stop with the pillows. It has to be a fire hazard by now.

Driving is another thing that I have forgotten to do correctly. I'm speeding. I'm tailgating. It's too hot. It's too cold. The windows are dirty. Why did I go this way? The other way is quicker. And of course the knife through the heart...................."Why don't you pull over and ask directions?"

The sad part is...............all my bad habits were cute when we were going out. They gave me character. As soon as I said I do I became a home improvement project. I was to be molded into her vision of man. And after all these years, I officially surrender. The battle is over. She wins. Except for asking for directions. I rather cover my naked body with honey and stick my head in a bee's nest!

Disclaimer   I do love my wife and I embellished a little on some stuff. However, the asking directions thing is a sore subject!

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thevoice profile image

thevoice 6 years ago from carthage ill

moving terrific hub read thanks much

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