Marriage: What a Woman goes through?
The Story of a Newlywed
Marriage stands out to be most important day in a girl’s life. Like everyone it meant something amazing to me, I was full of life, surrounded by happiness and joy. Marriage for me was eternal and like every other girl it meant everything, “the idea of new family, my own home was super exciting”. Marriage shopping, new dresses, white gold, diamonds and loads of gifts, I felt I was living a fairy tale life, what a wow thing that was. My to-be husband was software professional with six figure monthly salary and first class Government services officers’ in-laws and their sugar coated words worked like cherry on the cake. My marriage was a big seven day affair, full of rituals, music, dance, food and what not? Meanwhile somewhere in the bottom of my heart a question started to appear, is it all worth? Will I be loved in my new family? And most importantly will they respect and care for me? I became so scared that I could not sleep for the whole nights, I was terrified, worried about acceptance and the fear of leaving my family who until now fulfilled my every desire.
Finally, the big day arrived; it started with early morning rituals and then time arrived for me to finally leave for the parlor booking. Stepping out of the threshold where I grew up playing hide and seek reminded me of the every little memory of my childhood. I knew crossing it this time will change me forever (at least what the society expected) I will not have the same name; my father gave me and the identity I had lived with so far, I was thinking what a superficial society I was living in? I wanted to shout and ask this question why? But who would listen to me. I could not help but fell on my mother’s lap and cried my heart out, I didn’t want to leave her, I loved that warmth since the time I was born and that day her touch was the most comforting one, I wanted to sleep there and change everything that was happening. Tears rolling out of her eyes, still bestowing love on me, she said, “go ahead new life awaits you, it will be full of joy and soon you will forget us”.
Marriage function was fun for everyone, like any other traditional Hindu ceremony, I wore a beautiful Red and Green Lehanga my father had gifted me. I was terrified to see such huge arrangements that were made to please everyone, he welcomed everyone with hands joined together, and I could feel how deeply he loved me by seeing his lifelong savings being spent for that five hour function: interiors, decorations, food and drinks were just perfect. My soul questioned me is this the price he has to pay for being my father (a highly qualified and self dependent girl). Soon, all the rituals ended, I headed towards my new home and this fairy tale lasted till the end of luxurious honeymoon booked at one of the best Islands on Earth.
My new home was hundreds of miles away, new place, arrange marriage and on the top of it I lived in joint family. In the very first month, I fell down while saving my husband from a major fall when he was putting up new curtains in the room, the pain was extreme and it lasted for almost a year. I was surprised to see unconcerned faces, everyone said go for exercises, walk, running only that can help you, we don’t understand how careless can one be. I used to prepare meals for the family of six and when I sat down due to excessive pain I was frequently commented, standing seemed impossible till I got a orthopedic belt to give support. New city, nine to eight job, newlywed, travelling with a support belt tied across my waist and looking after everyone at home. I and my brother-in-law left office at the same time; if in case my mother in-law cooked then the breakfast was prepared for him and not me. Soon, I realized I was no more than a maid for my new family, who earned, did household work and was targeted. My husband was more concerned about the shape of eyebrows and the pimple peeping out of my cheek, he cared more for the tummy fat that I had started to gather than what I felt deep inside my heart. There was no fixed time for meals, it depended upon the mood of those who lived at the home for entire day and enjoyed evening tea with heavy snacks. Being a new comer I felt ashamed to eat without any one’s permission but if sometimes I ate, my husband would say, look at your tummy, you are gaining excessive weight. On certain occasions, I was told by my mother in-law and father-in-law that their elder daughter-in-law’s father had gifted them money to buy household things, they also mentioned number of times he had gifted decent amount to their elder son to buy new home. Thanks to my husband who stopped it, the very instant he came to know about it and for the first time I felt loved. I was humiliated by my husband in front of the family number of times and when I opposed it I was told we are a family and nothing must remain hidden. What a fucking happy life I was leading? Distressed, helpless and without a single person to talk to I felt my life is shattered. I was commented, led down for my looks, considered inferior and I had lost control over everything in my life. What a poor being I became, recalling the old days when I lived independently and on my conditions, all I did was preparing morning tea. Going to home meant fun, I was treated as a princess, whenever I went there my brother would get my favorite chocolates, chips and stuff I loved to eat. I was the first one to whom food was served and by father kept seeing my plate if I needed something, he would rush to the whole market to get me all I needed and my mom she loved me like anything. But now, only choice I was left with was to cry loud n the bathroom with shower on and music turned high so that no one could hear my roars.
The biggest reason of my lack of bonding with my husband was over interference from his family’s side. If ever we sat together, his mother would think she is not the priority any more or his father would find ways to come between us. To get some time together we started to go out often, for dinner, long walks and even started to shut the door so that we could communicate and express ourselves. Thanks to this zeal in him, I thought it to be the best opportunity for our dying relationship, which I wanted to revive at every cost. I started to share, how things were and how it felt, I became extra sensitive to his needs and soon he began to change. He was now surrounded by an unexpected softness and concern for me, he started to care if I was well and occasionally if I was getting late to office he prepared breakfast for me, that burnt bread and butter sandwich tasted better than my favorite foods. Extra strong tea that was even hard for him to sip did the magic of an energy drink and boosted my day. The biggest thing I got was that he helped me regain confidence and power to live on my terms and again I am the same old person I used to be, I stand for the right and speak my mind. I today realize, it was me who let them play with my emotions, had I been strong no one could have ever dared to hurt me. We women must realize what worth are we of, we make the half of population and without us life is not possible. Stand for hat you are and do not let any one play with you. Remember “play with you” whom so ever that person is.
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