Men Explained

Answering the Eternal Question: Why Is It So Troubling To Live With A Man

Recent articles have described men as being absent minded, uncaring louts who pay little to no attention to their wives/girlfriends.  This could be nothing further from the truth.  Men do pay attention to you, they do care what you have to say, they do listen.  They just have different ways of thinking.  Here, in simple terms, is the nature of men:

Laundry:

  1. Why need a clothes hamper when you have a perfectly good floor.  You’re just going to pick your clothes and put them back in the closet anyways.
  2. Clothes are considered clean unless:
  1. A visible stain is present.
  2. They can stand on their own.
  3. The smell makes your eyes water.
  4. Wife/Girlfriend tells you otherwise.
Men should never play with hot metal objects in the home.  It is an endless mystery of what happens to clothes after they are worn and magically appears back in our closets.  This is a mystery that we never want solved.Folding anything is a talent we have not mastered.

Cleaning:

  1. To calculate what a man thinks is clean, you should use the following equation: C=D/F or Cleanliness equals the amount of dirt divided by the number of females living in the house.   If you can remember your mathematics, you’ll see that a man is clean no matter how much dirt there is as long as no woman in his life.  Once a woman comes into the picture, he will always be dirty or at least, he will be told that he is.
  2. A single man will not see dirt unless it affects his ability to get a woman into bed.  Only a hot date will get a man to clean.  A married man will clean only when told to.
  3. It is only a myth that a man would wallow in his own filth, if left on his own.  Eating over the sink and washing underwear in the bathtub makes very little filth.
  4. It is not that we are unobservant; it is just that we observe different things.  No, we don’t see the fluff on the floor, but we do see your ass when you pick it up, thank you.

 Organization:

  1. We are highly organized animals, not otherwise like you think.  It is just that our organizational skills are not recognized by women.  We always know where things are, as long as we put it there.  We only have to ask where things are when they are moved from where we left them. 
  2. While it is true that the mess of stuff found on our computer desks at home can be thought to be disorganized, to the untrained eye, however, the highly advanced system of piling papers, magazines and other things all on top of each other so that all can be seen at once, is actually a major time saver in a man’s life. 
  3. We know where all the important things are.  We may not be able to find whatever you are looking, but we can certainly find that Paris Hilton sex video or wherever that match we NEED to watch is playing.  There is just a difference in priorities.
  4. Speaking of finding things, never ask a man to find something that only you know where it is.  It is pointless.  We won’t find it.  Men can only find something when it is important to him or he knows where he put it last.

Listening:

1.      Yes, we do listen to you.  We always listen to you.  We just seem to ignore you.  It is not our fault; however, if you think we are not listening, men are just wired differently.  We cannot concentrate on those things that mean very little to us.  It comes from being hunter/gatherers.  Our minds must be focused on our survival and we need sports, sex, cars, computers, etc. for our survival.

2.      Okay, you think we’re not listening, when in fact we may be just having difficulty translating whatever it is you are saying into our language.  Here are a few examples of what we hear and why we ignore what has been said:

a.       You didn’t take the garbage out translates as we are not going to have sex because you have not done your chores, you bad boy.

b.      Can you pick up this mess translates as you are not going to watch the match or TV program, you lazy ass.

c.       Can you put the baby to bed translates as we may have sex, if I say so.

d.      Let’s go shopping translates as I will have a wonderful time spending your money and you are going to be bored as hell for what will seem like forever.

e.       Can you help me with… translates as you had better get off your ass and do whatever I want right this second.

3.      While our misunderstanding you may be from translation, it is also a possibility that we were distracted.  Men are easily distracted.  Our minds may wander off to ideas like how good you look in your pajamas or would you really be bothered if I threw down on the bed and had my way with you.  We can be distracted like small children; this may be why men have a great love for childish things.  We love our games and our toys such as computer games, cars and some of us even like to play with dolls, although the dolls men play with are a bit more life-like than the ones you grew up with.

4.      We forget.  We forget most of the things you ask of us.  It is not because we didn’t listen to you or we were ignoring you wishes, we just forget things.  While it is true, we can keep track of every possible statistic of every athlete we consider important or every nipple shot in every movie we have ever seen, we do forget to do those things that we consider unimportant.  That’s right, who won the 1986 World Cup is important and did the garbage go out is not, at least for a man that is.

So you see, there is no need to yell at us.  We can’t help it. Think about this the next time you have had enough of us; we are more like little puppies than humans and we are not ignoring you, purposefully being slightly less than clean, playing with the garbage or trying to hump your leg. We are sorry about this but it is just our nature.

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Comments 2 comments

HattieMattieMae profile image

HattieMattieMae 5 years ago from Limburg, Netherlands

hmm well glad I have a dutch a guy that thinks and lives otherwise! lol He wouldn't agree with this! lol


ljv21 profile image

ljv21 5 years ago from Bluffton' SC Author

Not exactly the same myself...lol hey, saw your comments on a religious forum a little bit ago...couldn't agree more

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