Men In Lingerie: Want To Wear Panties, But Scared To Tell?

For many men who wear lingerie, the most difficult part of the journey is not making the decision to wear the lingerie, it is letting their partner know about their desires and habits when it comes to lingerie. It's hard enough finding a nice lady to be with in this day and age, without also having to worry about finding one that will be okay with, or preferably enjoy you wearing lingerie.

Many men make the mistake of not telling their girlfriends or wives, thinking that they would be disgusted. However, when you hide this sort of thing from a partner you are actually depriving her of the experience of sharing something that is very special and important to you. Imagine how you might feel if you found out that she had such an intimate secret. You would probably be understanding, but there would no doubt be a little sting at realizing that she had kept something so personal from you.

Relationships are all about trust and intimacy. Many women who discover that their men are into wearing lingerie do so after catching them in the act, or perhaps even finding their man's panty stash and even assuming that he is cheating. They are shocked and surprised, not so much at the lingerie itself, but because they suddenly feel that they don't really know the man they are with. Hiding who you are can be quite damaging to a relationship, and many of the negative reactions that men fear may in fact be brought about by hiding their desires from their partner, instead of introducing them in the proper time, in the proper manner.

So what is the proper time? As a rough guide: Tell her early, but not too early.

You don't have to whisper in her ear and tell her that you are wearing a silk thong and stockings on the first date. That would probably be pretty inappropriate, unless things were going incredibly well. However, waiting months to tell her may be pushing it. A good time to start revealing your inclinations towards lingerie is when you start to become physically intimate. This is the time where she is becoming open to you physically, and emotionally, and this period is most definitely an important one in the formation of a strong relationship. Once you begin to get a sense of comfort with her, and she with you, and trust is beginning to build, that is a good time to let her in on the 'secret'.

You may be surprised at how positive the reaction is, or at least how curious and non judgmental it is. Remember, if she is worth having in your life, she is not going to be cruel regarding your personal tastes and desires, nor is she going to be disgusted by them.

Don't expect her to immediately leap up, start grabbing at her intimates and thrusting them at you to try on however. That may come at a later stage, as many men do share the process of picking out lingerie with their partners. Introduce her to your lingerie slowly. Once you have talked about it, come out wearing a pair of panties perhaps, or a camisole under your clothing. Let her get used to the idea, and feel for that matter. Believe it or not guys, silk and satin feel just as great sliding across a manly body as they do a female one, and many women come to very much enjoy the look and feel of their men in lingerie.

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Comments 37 comments

SatinJenni 9 years ago

I believe your advice to be bang on. In all my years of hanging around the cross dresser, transvestite, transsexual, gender dysphoria type boards ...many men have expressed a fear of telling their significant other. In my own case, I always felt privileged because I had informed my wife shortly after we started dating and she still accepted me for who I was. (This was in the days before the Internet. At the time, although I knew some guys were into wearing womens underwear, I had no idea how many of us there actually was). Telling my wife early in our relationship about my fondness for women's lingerie was the best thing I ever did. Twenty five years later we are still going strong. She is now "into it" as much as myself if not more. She buys me gifts of lingerie (unlike many guys, she knows my sizes and preferences when giving me a gift) I sleep wearing ladies sleepwear,(satin chemise's and panties are my favourites) . My lingerie collection has grown to be larger than most women. All I can add is guys...tell her early and usually the outcome is not at all bad.

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Isabella Snow 9 years ago

Oh my.. I'd want to know on the first (and last) date. I could not get down with that. Great hub!

Greg 8 years ago

I told my wife when we got married and she was just too happy for me to wear lingerie as she said it was a kind of security for her as she figured that if I droped my pants for some other woman and she saw that I was wearing lingerie like her she would run for her life or kill herself laughing

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Hope Alexander 8 years ago Author

Interesting. You married a woman who thought a) she needed insurance against you cheating, and b)that ALL women were narrow minded and must like the same things she liked and dislike the same things she disliked.

Check out a few of comments on the other hubs on this topic to see that quite a few women love their men in lingerie.

Of course, it's generally nice if you tell people about these things before they take vows and make what is supposedly a life long commitment to you. I doubt many women, regardless of whether they liked it or not, would want to be blindsided shortly after marriage with things their husband had kept from them up to that point.

HOPKINS  8 years ago


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 8 years ago Author

Unfortunately, I would say probably not. 1) You sprang this on her after you were married, which means you hid things from her for a long time, which she has every right to be angry and upset about and 2) If you want her to come to like it, you are going to have to get off your ass and really do something for her as well. Just telling her and expecting her to get used to it isn't fair or realistic.

ALF48 8 years ago

I am engaged and will be getting married in about 4 months. Even though I've been with the same woman for almost four years now, she had no clue about my panty fetish (if that's what it can be called). I would from time to time grab a pair from her drawer while she has at work and enjoy them for a few minutes; never a whole day or while she was at home. I am also guilty of swiping a random pair here and there from female friends in high school.

About a month ago I switched from boxers to men's bikini briefs. At first she was a little weirded out by them, citing that they were very similar to what she wore, but none-the-less open to the change and willing to get used to it. This last week I came home with three new pairs, this time all three being true women's panties. One pair, which the fiancé didn't mind at all, is just a stretchier/softer bikini. The second is an exact same pair (shinier string bikini) that she has. Again, the response here was that it seems a little odd, but she'll get used to it, no worries. The third is of the same material as the second but has lace all the way around at the waist band. This pair was "slightly disturbing" and while her response was to wear at it as I please, she asked that I change out of it before she ever has to see it. They're too feminine and all her societal conceptions say that's gay, even if she knows it's completely not the case - which it very much isn't.

I must say, for an initial reaction it was great. The only problem is that she honestly thinks they're men's underwear, just of some wild new Euro-fashion kick. I'm not sure if I'll be able to eventually say, "Hey babe, they're actually off the women's rack." Maybe one day!

Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 8 years ago Author

This is another comment from ALF48, edited to be family friendly:

Just a quick update for those who still might be pondering what their girl's reaction might be. My fiancé came home from work today and took a shower. When she got out and was getting dressed I suggested she wear a certain pair of panties. Her response was, "Why? So I can match you? I saw when you bent over before. Ok!" Then we talked about some 'activities' for later and even taking some photos! I think she must know (we are wearing the same panties--color and style--, just different size) they're truly womens, though her last comment about them was about the oddity of being able to find such an identical men's version.

Long story short, (see my last post) I am going to respect her preferences and stay away from what does make her uncomfortable. But literally a few days after buying my first pair of panties, she and I are matching and it's all good! There is indeed a happy medium. A panty ___ can be fun, indeed! It just needs to be just that - not something indicative of much deeper desires/issues that could lead "elsewhere"...don't even want to think about that.

cantthinkofname 8 years ago

okay. so i told my partner that i like wearing lingerie, and she said that it was cute, but when ever i bring it up she doesn't really want to talk about it. i think it makes her uncomfortable. what should i do?

Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 8 years ago Author

Well can'tthinkofname, the reality is that not every woman is going to be supportive of her man wearing lingerie. If she is uncomfortable with it, you could follow the lead of some of the other men on these comments and perhaps buy panties that are men's style, but in smooth pretty fabrics. See what she says, and try easing the topic in that way. Or you may have to simply wear lingerie in your own time. Relationships take a lot of work, and she may come around to the idea, or she may never really be comfortable with it. All you can really "do" is take things slowly and don't deny yourself the pleasure of wearing lingerie, but don't throw it all in her face at once either.

ALF48 8 years ago

What hope said is about dead on. You try easing it in, every so often. In fact, you may even find that once she's used it, it's not even a big deal to you anymore. The fact that she's accepted (if she does) takes away a bit of the thrill and "forbidden" nature. I found this part very interesting. If she really doesn't dig it, do your thing, but don't be obnoxious about it. Put on your favorites while she's at work, you're alone, etc. It's true, relationships are all give and take. If it's a relationship truly worth your being it, it'll be ok if all that's at hand is that you like the feel/fit of lingerie from time to time!

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Hope Alexander 8 years ago Author

Great advice, Alf!

chris  8 years ago

I met my curent gf on a dating site and we talked on line before we met in peerson and i told her i wear lingerie before we met in person she was cool with it and even buys me panties and bras to wear annd now has got me wearing gilrs jeans

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sloggilover 8 years ago

Before getting married, my wife already knew that I worn ladies panties. She did not care whose panties I had been wearing but she tried to buy me more so that I would only wear hers.

We had been going to Mall to choose and buying panties together, and very lucky, we are almost the same build, we both wear L size (size 34 - 36), we always share or wear the same design.

My wife totally support me wearing ladies panties. She even told her sister that I'm look extra sexy when putting on panties. For me, I prefer ladies panties which are more comfort and sexy, I do not own any men brief now.

silkytouch 8 years ago

I have been secretly enjoying panties since before I was a teenager. I have been married over 40 years without my wife knowing, believing I would be rejected or worse, should she find out. I told her recently after she discovered a pair of panties, which were not hers, in our laundry. After the initial shock our relationship, which was great, took a new turn, it is now incredible. 40 years ago there was no way of knowing you were not alone.

Go for it, wearing what is pleasing is the way to go, whether occasionaly or 24/7.

likewhatiam 8 years ago

Hi Hope I have been wearing panties and other bits of lingerie for as long as I can remember and even when I got married I made it quite clear that I had this drive to wear what I felt comfortable in and my wife of twenty-eight years accepted that.I personally feel that there is too much double standard out there with regard to lingerie,I mean if you go to a lingerie store and look around you will see that they have copied every bit of men's underwear into female underwear but alas nothing that looks anything feminine in the men's department. Why cant we just have unisex underwear that way there can be no discrimination.Keep up the good work love your hubs

Jody 8 years ago

I sure wish my wife was as understanding. I told her several years ago and she freaked. If I even bring it up she goes nuts. I still do it occasionaly behind her back. I just hope I never get caught.

hanes 8 years ago

Hi, I have been wearing panties for 30 some years now. I have had gfs who OK'd them and those who did not. I don't have the courage, yet, to let my wife know, for fear she might not react positively. She found several pairs at once in my laundry, and she said that they were my mom's or something as she was previously visiting us. I did not tell her that those nylon panties were mine and that I LOVE to wear them. Am I being deceitfull? Gosh I want to wear them, openly, and admittedly, but I don't want to lose the love of my life, either. I'd give them up for her love if that's what it takes. Any advice?

alf48 8 years ago

To sounds like the biggest issue is that it's still a secret. Perhaps your wife will be more taken aback by the fact that you've hid this for so long than by the fact that you like panties. I'd be more worried about that. Check out this article,,2933,30925,00.html, and bring it up to her like, "Wow, never thought something like this could be mainstream!" Then you could express an interest in trying a pair of panties. She'll either blow it off or become interested herself. Either way, it gives you an easy intro. You could also not get into a full blown convo, just show her the article. Then the next day, wear a pair, show her, and express that you were interested - it got you real curious. You never know the reaction, but if you have a good marriage and an open-minded partner who truly loves you it should be alright. I'd advise staying away from lace and least at first.

Ken 8 years ago

I told my wife after dating her for a few months. She accepted it even if she doesn't want to have an active role in it. She lets me buy my own bras and panties. I wear them only while she is away at work . She has seen my lingerie go through the laundry, but mainly seems indifferent to my choice of undergarments. I guess it is better to her freaking out or losing a great marriage over it.

Calvino 8 years ago from Canada

The day my caught me wearing hers. Was the day that she decided I wasn't going to wear any more men underwear, She took alll mine and thrown them out. I remember that that day after working grave yard shifts, she just woken up and wanted todo some some shopping downtown, so I agreed, and I decided to try on her pair, so just lying in bed with a pair on, and still unwinding down from work I started to watch a movie and the next moment i knew, she was waking me up, While caught in the act, she was mad at first, and wanted to know in how long I being doing this. But after telling her she kinda thought about it and said she likes it. So that evening before work, as I got out of the shower, she had prepared my clothes for me and there was a pair for me to wear. And she commented for now on I be only wearing those for now on!!!! But I was scared in going to work just in case, but that overcome me, and there is only one co worker that knows, she okay with it! I knew i should have never bent over to pick up the box off the floor, but she was shocked and reassured me after it was okay and she won't say a word!

bsex 8 years ago

Three years ago I was wearing panties secretly for a few weeks. Came home one day and told my wife we had to talk. First I asked for her support, then told her what I had been doing, even dropped my jeans to show her I was wearing them. She said OK, but after several months I could tell she was unhappy about it, I quit and through them out. A couple of weeks ago I again told her I wanted to wear panties again. This time she was so supportive that she took me shopping for them. Even bought me a baby-doll set. You never know how things will turn out, but for me it was something I had to do for ME.

Love the feel of the micro-fibre(with tactel) in briefs. hi-cuts & bikinis. Wear them 24/7.

ALF48 8 years ago

It really is interesting how reactions change over time. My wife is perfectly ok with panties, though she stipulated no frills or lace, at least don't let her see that. Any kind of "top half" was just "no". Thing is, this morning I decided to 'borrow' a tactel camisole that she says she doesn't like because it doesn't fit her right. It happens to match a pair of panties that I have (same brand/collection). As I was getting ready in the morning she saw me in my panties and her cami. There was zero reaction. Granted, it could've been the fog of just waking up (still in bed) and I was walking into the bathroom so it was maybe a 3sec glimpse, but point is...even if rather uncomfortable at first, it's highly likely that if you are in a truly stable/loving relationship, your partner may just decide initial reactions aren't so well thought out and be ok with things! Just remember...respect loved ones' boundaries with anything in a relationship.

charlie 8 years ago

34 years ago when looking at ads in paper i told my wife we should buy matching girdles. she told me no. i told her i like to wear them.i still wear girdles to this day. she dosnt stop me as long as i keep them out of the laundry.i catch her peeking at me when i get to see if i have one on. i wear all in ones girdles 36b to work most of time.when i cant wear them i wear wasthigh or pantygirdles. she still dosnt like it.

John 8 years ago

I have been wearing panties for over 30 years. My wife of 41 years knows I wear them and even has bought them for me when I tell her I like a certain kind. She washes them and puts them away with my other clothes and never has said a bad word about that. I love wearing them for a varity of reasons, but mostly because I enjoy the feela nd the excitement of wearing panties. I went to Pennies the other day and walked up to a sales lady and asked her for help selecting panties. I told her that I wanted to get some for my wife for christmas but after her showing me several styles, she pretty much assumed that they were for me and was very helpful in getting me the right size and styler I wanted without me ever saying they were for me. I think she knew and I will shop there often.

lovepanties66 7 years ago

i old my wife my panty fetish on our wedding night back in 2006.she has been absolutley cool with it and even went shopping with me the other week to buy me some new panties.since this came out in our relaitionship i feel really good about myself and feel that to have a wife/partner that understands your fetishes/needs etc must be a strong relationship.i now own about 30pairs of my own panties now and the wife has even dedicated a drawer especially just for them.cant wait to go shopping again!!!!

Starsky 7 years ago

I told my wife ehen we met 12 or so years ago I liked panties. One of our first Xmases she bought me some knickers as a gift. Bit too small for me bit i used them for "pleasure". Anyway years pass and I still occasionaly mentioned that I liked to wear her knickers whilst on my own in the house. She more or less ignored it. So later I wore some panties under my normal clothes and whilst we were getting intimate i told her. She didn't seem to mind and we got on with it. Nothing more really said after that so my "hobby" is still my private business. Might mention it again but she has become "grumpier" with age and a lot more judgemental.

cracklewalk 7 years ago

This article is spot on. I have nothing to add.

jay 7 years ago

Wearing nylons for appx. 10 years. Happily married. Middle of the nite I asked her if I can wear her panty. she cracked up, then asked me if someone will see me. The very next morning she took me for shopping asked me if I like the pattern or with lace. Many women were stsnding next to us were lillte uncomfortable in the aisle. Since then we share and care about each other. She buys our nylons. At-times ,days she even let me wear hers the one wearing in the morning or afternnon.

pantyguy 7 years ago

I,ve been wearing womens panties part time since I was 17,(43 now), my first wife was turned on by it,we,d even go on panty buying trips! Now that she is divorced from me,my g/f was at my place one weekend and found panties in my wash. She didn't say a word,just washed them and put them with my other things. I later asked her if she had found anything unusual in the wash? She said it was none of her business as we were not exclusive yet,so I explained that they were mine,this opened a whole discussion on why,etc. She likes the idea and even buys for me if she sees some she thinks I,d like.

Marti 7 years ago

Hope is right on. I told my wife two weeks into our relationship, and she has been ok with it ever since. I enjoy feeling feminine, and she enjoys feeling a little masculine at times. I wear only womens clothing when at home, but I do wear manly suits for business with panties and stocking undermeath. Our sex life is great and she often times takes on the male role that is how we keep it interesting. I have no desire to be gay, I love women and everything about them. If you go into the relationship open and honest, you will find your true mate.

Bernie 7 years ago

My wife and I dated in high school and on our fifth dated or so I told her about my wearing lingerie and she undid pants to check out my panties. She liked them right-a-way and couldn't keep her hands off of them. She still loves to see me in lingerie. I am very lucky to have found her. Remember, honesty is always the policy.

gee 7 years ago

my mrs found my stash after 8 years of hiding. things almost fell apart, she still cannot talk about it 3 years later. what can i do ? should i just surpress the desire ?

Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 7 years ago Author

She's upset because you lied to her for 8 years and hid part of yourself. Don't think this is about lingerie, it's not, it is about you hiding who you are from her. That's a major betrayal for a woman. I am writing another article about this, so keep an eye out for it.

jrock55 6 years ago

I've been wearing panties and bras since I was twelve and I used to sneek into my sister's underwear drawer. During college and the years following, I would accumulate a collection of lingerie, but I would throw it out because I felt dirty and wrong about my desire to wear it. When I started dating my wife, I threw out my collection so she wouldn't find them and think I was cheating. One night when she was on her period, she asked to wear my underwear to bed. I told her sure, if I could wear hers. She didn't bat an eye, she just handed them over and cuddled up next to me. For years to come I would borrow her panties (sometims without her knowledge) and she always said it was alright and not weird at all. I, on the other hand, still felt like a deviant and a freak for even wanting to wear them. When I came across these hub pages about men in lingerie I realized that my desire to wear lingerie is not abnormal. Recently I admitted to myself that my love of lingerie is who I am and I told my wife that I was going to be a regular lingerie wearer. She offered to buy me some but I said no thanks. If I'm going to wear the stuff I should man up and buy it myself. My first trip to the store was so exciting. I now have my own small collection of panties, and my wife looks every night to see which ones I'm wearing to bed. I look forward to expanding my collection to include bras and camis. The point of my story is that not only is it important to be open and honest with your loved one, but you also need to be open and honest with yourself. My wife makes me the happiest man in the world.

gunpanties 5 years ago

Totally terrified to tell my wife of 17 years of my urge to wear panties and other things. It was something I used to do in the past, but quit and had not really thought about it until about 5 weeks ago when the urge hit me like a truck.

Becky 2 years ago

My boyfriend wears panties 24/7 and he also enjoys wearing women's lingerie in the bedroom. He told me about 4 months into our relationship and I LOVE it! Had to get used to it at first but now we love sharing our silky lingerie and panties with each other all the time. One problem for him is fitting his man parts into women's panties so we've found some great companies that create the same soft silky women's panties with the appropriate room for a man in them. My current favorite is, some styles are more like men's briefs and some are more panty-like but I love them all on him!

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