Men Who Are Likely to Have Marriage Problems

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For those women in particular, who are currently looking for men to marry, you might find this article very interesting. However, before I share this rather interesting bit of finding, I would first like to make it clear that I personally believe that although there are many reasons some marriages end prematurely, "personality" --- one of the main "breakers" or "makers" --- is often the culprit that is responsible for the disruption or death of most of these marriages.

Based on studies, for example all children in general, may begin temper tantrums as early as the age of 15 months, but are most frequent between the ages of two and four. It's quite natural however, for all children to display tantrums at some point.

It is believed that active, strong-willed children, may have one or two episodes per week, and that tantrums are an expression of frustration. If a child is unable to perform an activity for example, such as buttoning a coat he/she might become frustrated and throw a tantrum.

Another belief is that children also use tantrums as a way of expressing the lack of control over their lives. For instance, a child may throw a tantrum at bedtime when he or she wants to continue playing instead of going to bed. Children may also use tantrum occasionally, as a way of gaining attention from a parent or other caregivers, or even as an attempt to manipulate the situation to some extent. The question is however, what happens to boys who have a history of temper tantrums? Does their childhood bad temper affect their marriages as adults?


Temper Tantrums and Marital Problems

Based on the result of a cor-relational study that observed schoolchildren for thirty years of their lives, bad-tempered boys were found to have the tendency to become moody, irritable men whose marriages fail and who experience periods of unemployment(Caspi etal 1987).

The researchers were able to establish these correlations from this longitudinal study which began with boys eight to ten years old. Those considered "bad-tempered" by their parents often had episodes of explosive outbursts in which they bit, kicked, struck, swore, screamed, shouted, and threw things. The researchers followed and paid close attention to the lives of these and other boys well into manhood.

At the end of these three decades of study, researchers rated the adult personalities of these participants. They discovered a strong relationship between temper tantrums in middle childhood and irritability and moodiness in middle adulthood. Another finding was that the ill-tempered men were twice as likely to be divorced as the other men in the study.

The researchers concluded that although it cannot be said that throwing temper tantrums in childhood causes difficulty in later life, it's safe say that school-age children who find it impossible to curtail their tempers also appeared to have problems with social relationships as adults, both at home and on the job. They also believe that we can safely predict that bad-tempered boys will be likely to have future marital and occupational problems.

How to Help Children Control Temper Tantrums

Experts have come up with tips on ways to help children control bad temper tantrums. See list below:

  • Bring it to the child's attention when other children are exhibiting a desirable behavior. You may simply say "Do you see how nicely that boy is behaving", without adding, "Why can't you do the same?"
  • Instructions given to children should be firmly phrased in terms of the things to do, instead of the things not to do.
  • Whenever a child throws a temper tantrums, you are advised to remain calm. The behavior should be described. For example, " You are pretending you don't hear me when I say it's time to go to bed."
  • Praise all reactions that seem reasonable, silenced tantrums or any efforts of self-control. Let the child know which behavior is being praised. You may say to the child "I asked you to stop kicking the chair, and you did."
  • All negative behaviors should be ignored as much as possible.
  • You should not speak to the child as if begging or in desperation.
  • It's best that you always try to model the behaviors you would like your child to exhibit.
  • Avoid conflict of interest. One parent or caregiver shouldn't be trying to eradicate a negative behavior while the other tolerating it.
  • Be persistent, don't quit. Always keep in mind that sometimes it takes a while to change, control or discontinue certain behaviors.

Conclusion

To reinforce, for those looking for men to marry, although marrying a man who have a history of boyhood temper tantrums are not the only reasons women experience marital problems. However, based on the above findings, bad-tempered boys are more likely to have marital problems in later life.

I.McFarlane 2012

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Comments 4 comments

Matthew Maktub profile image

Matthew Maktub 4 years ago from Las Vegas

I wasn't aware there was such a correlation between temper tantrums as children and social problems as adults. I know a lot of women that have gone though separation of a guy due to their 'temper.' It's usually one of those things that people don't think it's a problem at first, or they think they can change a person, but usually it does not change for the better.


mackyi profile image

mackyi 4 years ago from Philadelphia Author

I personally wasn't aware of this myself Matthew, until I did this research. I happen to learn about various personality disorders and personality traits, while I was doing a masters level course in Bio-psychosocial studies, but we never looked at the correlation between temper tantrums and relationship/marital issues. Actually, a friend of mine was having some problems and I suspected that this could be one of the possible reasons,so I went ahead and did some research and stumbled across this correlation study.

I agree with most of what you have to say. Many women do not pay attention to a lot of things they should be paying attention to, or they see problems coming but do nothing about it until it's too late! Behaviors are learned and human are creatures of habits. Once they developed certain habits it's very hard for them to change. You cannot change a person, a person has to be willing to change! Thanks for your comment.


Cathleena Beams profile image

Cathleena Beams 4 years ago from Lascassas, Tennessee

It makes sense to me that children who never learned to control their tempers during childhood would have difficulty controlling their emotions as adults as well. One of my boys when he was about three years old went through a stage where it was very difficult to control him and he was having fits and throwing things at day care. My ex-husband and I had just split up at the time and he was acting out his unhappiness in an intolerable way. I went through classes to learn how to handle his rage in positive and loving ways. One of the techniques I learned that worked very well was to ignore him when he was having a fit and turn my attention instead to my other child and praise him for being good. I was shocked to see how well this reverse psychology worked.


mackyi profile image

mackyi 4 years ago from Philadelphia Author

Hi Cathleena Beams, thanks for your input. I agree, Kids also tend to lash out when parents do separate/divorce. I applaud your techniques, this reverse psychology is always one good way of dealing with children who kept acting up. Rewarding(praising) a child when he/she does something good is also an excellent way of reinforcing positive attitudes and behavior.

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