Mind Games Men Play With Women

Understanding Why Men Play Mind Games Men With Women

When I truly like a man, I pursue him. I shamelessly go after him with every bit of energy I have and if I may tut my own horn, I always get my man. I know that I’m not the typical woman. I know that what I just admitted goes against every single dating rule in the book but then again, I was always that kid who colored outside the lines. I don’t believe in or follow any dating rules. My heart has got a mind of its own and when it comes to dating, all rules are kicked to the curb and whatever my heart desires, my heart gets.

Recently my heart decided it wanted a man so bad. He is a very successful, educated man who unfortunately loves to play mind games. He is the type- A kind of man who enjoys being pursued by a younger woman. He also has an ego that’s bigger than the Titanic.

I have a very negative view of mind games and the people who play them simply because I don’t play mind games. To me, playing mind games is a total turn off and a waste of energy. My interaction with this gentleman led me to exploring why men play mind games with women.

  • They are emotionally immature. An emotionally secure man would never in a million years dream of playing mind games but a man who is dealing with emotional scars or baggage from the past is more likely to play mind games with the women he meets.
  • Men need to feel superior. I think superiority is overrated but to most men with huge egos, there is a pressing need to feel superior so they resort to playing mind games. Men by nature like to feel in control and when they feel that control being stripped away, they actively engage every single tactic they know to get that control back and that means playing mind games.
  • Men use mind games to tease women. If you’re well acquainted with a man, he may use mind games to tease you a bit and keep things in your relationship hot and spicy.
  • Men often use mind games to gauge a woman’s interest in them. Its very childish but we are all afraid of rejection so a man will resort to mind games just to see if a woman is interested in him or not. Often times a man does this by pretending to be busy when a woman calls or texts him. This, in my opinion is the worst way to determine if a woman is interested in a man. I have seen this back fire so many times. I always recommend using the direct approach when trying to determine if a woman is interested in a man.
  • Some men play mind games because they are jerks. There is no way to sugar coat this. There are two types of men – the good men and the jerks who simply get off on playing mind games with women. If you’re stuck with the latter, don’t even bother with trying to understand why he’s playing mind games with you. Just find yourself a good man who doesn’t play mind games.

That brings me back to the gentleman I was pursuing. Did I get him? Yes and no. I got his number and we had a good time a couple of times but his mind games wore me out. Turns out he plays mind games because he has way too much emotional baggage from previous relationships and I don’t feel like dealing with the backlash from these failed relationships.

Funny Cartoon About Men and Mind Games

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Comments 110 comments

caroline 6 years ago

I am in almost the exact same situation. I read this and you sound so much like me!! And this man you talked about sounds just like the one I'm involved with now!! I'm 24 and he is 40. I've never had someone play mind games with me before but I recognized his mind games almost straight away...He is very intelligent with a big ego...I find his games are painful but I really adore him, more than possibly any man i've met. I don't want to put up with them but I love him...I confronted him and he told me he has baggage...Am I just meant to sit with it until he stops thinking that i'm some evil monster that's going to run away with his heart? Sometimes I want to yell at him and I feel like he thins he can control me because i'm young..what do I do? I find it hard not to express myself when someone tries to control me!!!


BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 6 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City

Great hub! I just don't have the energy to play mind games with men. Never did - never will.

I'm not a young woman - I have grandchildren but you would be surprised at how many old men are out there now playing mind-games (ugh!). I am doing well, financially and physically and mentally and these old men come along offering me...marriage? That's it. Nothing else. You see, years ago women were taught that they had to be married - but that game is so over. Yet, these men even suggest marriage would make me happy. Huh? Why are they all out there hunting? - because they have blown every relationship and now need a woman to help/take care of them.

And please 24 year old Caroline, get rid of the 40 year old. Old men hunt young women like you because they think they are smarter - and they come with the stupidest mind games - they will have you thinking you must earn them and not vice versa and they will bring ALL their baggage with them. Please lace up your sneakers - and RUN!

Great to meet you by the way. I'm a fan now and will keep up!


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 6 years ago Author

Thanks Caroline and BkCreative for your comments.

@BkCreative,I have never understood why men believe every woman out there is desperate to become a 'Mrs',some people are just happier being eternal girlfriends.I applaud you for knowing exactly what you want though,you don't meet many people who are as confident in themselves as you seem to be.


dotty1 profile image

dotty1 6 years ago from In my world

really enjoyed your hub. I.ll never understand men one bit. And it is so hard to leave one even if they do play these stupid games if you love them. You keep thinking they will stop . . But they don't :(. Am most definitely a fan now x


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 6 years ago Author

@dotty1..leaving is hard.I think it's more about fear of change than actually loving them.Its much easier to stay with someone that you're used to than venturing out back into the dating world and starting all over again with someone new..in my opinion.


dotty1 profile image

dotty1 6 years ago from In my world

yes you are v right. . . It is hard to know when to walk away tho isn't it when you truly thought he was the one . . Or the third one in my ever so lucky love life's case. . After divorce oop sorry that shud be plural ha. the thought of startin all that bloody rigmarole again does fill me with dread. . But over all when you so do love someone so blindly it hurts like hell to give up. I.ll shut up now or will look like big hopeless romantic fool which ofcourse i am. . . Argh . . Why would god make a man and a woman so diff when he wants them to pro create? Is a wonder we aren't extinct . . Am enjoyin your work x


Anna 6 years ago

Im sorry too disappoint you girlies. I get a right kick out of out smarting these bad boys. I agree they are emotionaly immature and incredably annoying but my ego gets a lovely massage from them not having a clue that im aware of what there upto and going along with the ride. The grand finarly is me dumping them and having a smile on my face when there chasing me. Any spell checkers out there are welcome to criticise all spelling mistakes!


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 6 years ago Author

@Anna..but then what happens to your ego IF they dump you before you get a chance to dump them?Don't you think you're setting yourself up for emotional suicide and heartache by actively participating in mind games?


Waterlily-momof2 6 years ago

Ah! Ha! Now I realize what my boyfriend is doing to me. I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 years and every six months to a year we get into a stupid argument.

Yesterday, after 5 minutes of arguing he told me he can't do this anymore and told me to pack up. I have nowhere to go and we have two small dogs, but I know that he will not take care of them if I am not with him.

I just moved out of my parents home that I've been living there for temporarily (my family is verbally and emotionally abusive), since the divorce in 2004 because I waited until both of my kids graduated high school.

I am sort of getting tired of him telling me that the relationship is too stressful when we get into small argument once every six months to once a year.

He did get a nasty divorce more than 40 yrs ago and his ex took everything.

I am the longest relationship he's ever had and that includes his short marrige to his ex. When I first met him he was out of relationship for at least 2 yr.

I did tell him that next time if he tells me to move out, I will not look back and never come back. I also told him that I will not even receive his phone call either.

I would have to get my two dogs adopted, since homeless shelter does not accept pets.

I will not go back to my parents because I am already 39 and had enough of their abuse. My kids are happy living with my parents and that's alright with me.

This morning, I've told him that his making our relationship cheap and that I would never say things like that to him if he was living under my roof.

I told him to that I should not invest him into my family any longer, if at any moment he will kick me out because of a little argument.

Why do I have to remind him every time that a relationship is a constant work in progress? And that 5 minutes of stupid argument should not be a cause for him to try to walk out on our relationship which we've both invested in for 6 years.

If we argued every day this would make sense. He is in his mid 50's and I shouldn't have to remind him what is it to be in a relationship.

Anyway, just in case scenario I will be looking into a shelter and if he tells me to get out I am out of his life for good.

If his playing a mind game then I am tired of playing it for 6 years.


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 6 years ago Author

@Waterlily-momof2,maybe I'm wrong but to me it doesn't sound like this man is playing mind games with you,he just seems like he's scared of you dumping him so he tries to beat you to the punch by throwing you out when you have an argument.Sounds like he needs reassurance from you regarding your feelings for him and the relationship.

I'm not a shrink and I don't have a PhD in these matters but that's just my opinion for whatever it's worth.That said,I also have to say..you do deserve better than a person who kicks you out over an argument.You have to do what is best for you.

That's right,YOU come first before him and pretty much everyone else so sit and think about YOU and what's best for you and then do it and if that means finding your own place where no one throws you out over an argument,then so be it.


Ddup 6 years ago

@Waterlily-momof2,

This is a pattern.

For whatever reason he feels like he has the rights to say these things to you.

Does he think that you cannot make it out on your own?

Does he think that you are taking him for granted by living in his house??

If he had a bad divorce then for him the ideal rosy pictire or living togeter is already damaged - where couples are supposed to share joy, sorrow and finances! you know what i mean?

Instead of waiting for the next time to take some drastic action, start now to make yourself more independednt. If possible look out for something that you can call your own. Make a plan on how you would manage if you moved out of his house.

Talk to him about your ideas about becoming more independent (not threateningly but as a means of enhancing your communication/relatiomnship).

This is so that his views about you change and he can see you in a different light thereby improving your relationhisp and getting rid of this problem.


wifelv profile image

wifelv 6 years ago from mi

I was married to a man who was the master at mind games and I did not see it till I divorced him. He even used sex as a weapon against me. Even my own children. It took a long time to see that a man could do such evil things out of need for control. I have been on my own for 3yrs now and I met a guy who at first seemed pretty awesome. I quickly noticed his push pull behavior and fear of intamacy. Soon he reverted to games. I dropped him like he was hot. I was so proud of myself because I not only saw the games, but was strong enough to leave. I abhore mind games now. I set firm boundaries and if a tiny toe crosses them, they are gone. No one man or woman should put up with this emotional abuse. My advice is "Get out and run fast."


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 6 years ago Author

@ wifelv...I wish more people (both men and women) were as courageous as you!Emotional abuse truly sucks.


Stormie 5 years ago

Love the comments!!!! I totally agree!


jenna 5 years ago

Can someone please help me?


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 5 years ago Author

Hey Jenna,what's the problem?


mary 5 years ago

I recently met this guy that played mind games with me and this article and ur comments were very helpful. Thank you all. It was my first experience with a player, it was very painful and I am now learning to be stronger. I really don't want to go through that again as I was the one that got the courage to tell him to stop the abuse.


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 5 years ago Author

Congrats Mary on knowing you deserve better and getting out of that situation.You will meet someone who doesn't stoop to mind playing!Good luck:)


sara ashlee 5 years ago

i have a problem with a man that i have been with for a little over a year now. the circumstances which i met him were strange and so is our relationship. i especially like the lady who commented on older men hunting younger women because they seem easier to control. and in this case it is true. he is much older than i am. i am 25 and he is 60. he dated a friend of mine from elementary school before he dated me. her and i aren't friends now, but she warned me about the mind games. told me he was a mind ninja. he has a great way of being condescending and sarcastic he is a very proud military guy and i'm living with him. we've been in a few fights lately. just got back from hawaii where we talking about marriage and whether or not his children would accept me. serious things, and now that we are back in ohio... he's as cold as the weather. his ego is so big i don't think there is room in the relationship for me. he manipulates me so much, and i know that some of the time it is intentional. other times i don't think he realizes it. but it's SO subtle and the way that he goes about it makes me look like the crazy one if i were to bring it to his attention. but there are so many little things now that have added up i'm just so angry! i've let them slide because i know i don't stand a chance in trying to explain the things i see him doing. i don't even know if what i'm saying now is making sense. everything he says is a setup. i'm on the defensive now, trying to protect myself from his control. he knows that i, like the other lady, have no where to go but a homeless shelter. i'm a victim of rape and he knows that my worst fear is it happening again. a homeless shelter and being helpless on the street is suicide for me. and he knows it. which makes it so easy to have his way with my life. i love him. and honestly i like some of the control. i like the stability that comes with someone else being in charge of certain things, but the guilt he makes me feel for some things is unbelievable. i don't deserve it. i wish i knew how to defend myself with these mind wars. at least until i can organize a backup plan. that sounds terrible and sounds like i'm using him or something, but i really do love him and would like nothing more than to work this out. but what can i do? i know it has a lot to do with the age difference but, this man saved my life time and time again. the price i pay for loving him just doesn't seem to be fair anymore. little arguments and he is ready to break it off. i can't stand it.


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 5 years ago Author

Sara, love is supposed to make you feel secure,happy,hopeful etc,etc -- all that good stuff.A man (or person) who truly cares about you doesn't play mind games or the hot and cold game.YOU deserve better.YOU can find better.YOU can do better.Regardless of what your past is,I can assure you that there is someone out there who will love you and treat you right.You're way too young to be settling in an unhealthy relationship.Listen to your gut feelings and if it doesn't feel right,break it off...even if you have to go to a homeless shelter to start over.YOU deserve to be happy.


Matt 5 years ago

Wow I love how you bitches recognize the mind games men play, but act as though you don't play mind games yourself. Last time I checked women use sex as a weapon in a realtionship,women will flirt with other guys in front of you to test your interest in them,play the cold shoulder game when they are mad...etc etc But if a man dares play mind games with you women, well then he is childish immature jerk. This is the most hypocritical article I've ever seen on this issue. You just know what you want so you get it, like its that easy. LOL quit pretending you don't play mind games as well or that your so much more mature than us men that mind games are below you.


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 5 years ago Author

Matt,I believe in total freedom of speech and I am glad you decided to stop by and offer your opinion..the language used wasn't absolutely necessary-you could have made your point without using degrading words but I'm not your mother and I'm not the internet police sooooo.....

Do both sexes play mind games?YES but I am a woman who dates only men so this article was written from a woman's perspective.I'm assuming you have experience dating women so please feel free to write an article about mind games women play.

Not all women "use sex as a weapon in a realtionship,women will flirt with other guys in front of you to test your interest in them,play the cold shoulder game when they are mad...etc etc"....if you're dating a woman who chooses to resort to such nonsense,drop her like a bad habit because honestly,you deserve better.

And Matt,quick correction - I do know what I want (being on the dating scene for a while allows you to identify what you want and most importantly what you don't want) AND mind games really are below me...I'd never stoop that low.If I'm dating an ADULT,I expect for us to COMMUNICATE without the need for games...it really is that simple,you should try.


Jaden 5 years ago

I have been dating a man twelve years older than me for about six months, he is 49 and I am 37years. He does have alot of baggage in that he's ex of 23years slept with someone else. He truly believes that I will do the same and hurt him. I love and care for him so dearly but it hurts so much the things he does. I think I made the mistake of being too honest with him about my history, I was on my own for seven years and had fun as you do. Now he uses that against me and makes me feel I would do the same as his slutty ex.


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 5 years ago Author

Jaden,I'm sorry you opened up to your guy and he's using your past against you.I'm a firm believer in honesty so don't ever regret being honest regardless of how other people use this information when dealing with you.

You guy sounds insecure and sadly there is nothing you can do about that other than constantly reassure him that you are not his ex and you will not hurt him like she did - only say it if you mean it though.Insecurity is a "disease" we all suffer from in varying degrees and I've found that the best way to deal with it is confronting it head on..figure out the cause of insecurity,address it with lots of reassurance reinforced by positive action..there really isn't much you can do beyond that and it's up to the other party to get past their insecurities before they push you away.


Bronson_Hub profile image

Bronson_Hub 5 years ago from San Francisco, CA

I wonder how many of these "mind games" men play on you are entirely internal and self-inflicted. I've watched girlfriends go from 0 to psychotic by misinterpreting a situation such as me squinting because something on my cheek itched while we were talking about our needs.

"And Matt,quick correction - I do know what I want (being on the dating scene for a while allows you to identify what you want and most importantly what you don't want) AND mind games really are below me...I'd never stoop that low.If I'm dating an ADULT,I expect for us to COMMUNICATE without the need for games...it really is that simple,you should try."

In defense of Matt, digging comments and passive aggressive remarks also reflect an inability to establish open communication channels. Looking past the choice words, he's asking for consideration for both sides of any given situation so we can make a balanced decision instead of lumping all our problems onto one end of a relationship.

Matt, yes the article is hypocritical, yes, flavorful deliveries of this information to the author will result in hearing more of the same tone the article was written in. I'm not sure how to bridge the gap but commenting here at least gives us the opportunity to request that the readers consider avoiding 1 sided judgments in the name of "self-defense against mind games". Asking us to take this information seriously is a stretch. I suggest re-writing the article to address the mind games PEOPLE, both men AND women, play in destructive relationships.


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 5 years ago Author

@Bronson_Hub, thank you for your comment.I will repeat what I wrote in one of my previous comments:

This article is written from a female perspective from a girl who ONLY dates men.If I were bisexual,I'd gladly write another article about mind games women play because I know women play those games too BUT I'm a huge fan of writing about what one knows and since I only date men,I am very familiar with mind games men play.

If any guy out there,who dates women wants to go ahead and write about mind games women play,please go ahead and do it,I'm rather curious about that myself!


Bronson_Hub profile image

Bronson_Hub 5 years ago from San Francisco, CA

I disagree that our anatomy or sexual preference limits our ability to articulate a balanced system of advice to cope with people who play mind games. Whether a relationship consists of two men, two women, a man and woman, or a polygamous couple, we can recognize abusive behavior without isolating a group based on their gender.

"They are emotionally immature. An emotionally secure man would never in a million years dream of playing mind games but a man who is dealing with emotional scars or baggage from the past is more likely to play mind games with the women he meets."

Emotional immaturity is not exclusive to gender or sexuality, or even relationships. We can support everyone in difficult situations regardless of gender.

"Men need to feel superior. I think superiority is overrated but to most men with huge egos, there is a pressing need to feel superior so they resort to playing mind games. Men by nature like to feel in control and when they feel that control being stripped away, they actively engage every single tactic they know to get that control back and that means playing mind games."

Outside of heterosexual relationships we can recognize that all people regardless of gender sometimes feel this need and can be difficult to deal with. Again, pinning it as a trait exclusive to the source of mind games that only men play is inherently false, even if our experience is limited to dating.

"Men use mind games to tease women. If you’re well acquainted with a man, he may use mind games to tease you a bit and keep things in your relationship hot and spicy."

I'm fairly certain this is true for some people regardless of gender or sexuality. Experience with just dating men doesn't seem like a reasonable argument considering many books and sources of advice for dating from women directed to women also focus on playing mind games. That awful book, "The Rules" comes to mind. The same goes for men, and we also witness this behavior in the media all the time. The argument against men now seems deliberately pointed and even less credible.

"Men often use mind games to gauge a woman’s interest in them. Its very childish but we are all afraid of rejection so a man will resort to mind games just to see if a woman is interested in him or not. Often times a man does this by pretending to be busy when a woman calls or texts him. This, in my opinion is the worst way to determine if a woman is interested in a man. I have seen this backfire so many times. I always recommend using the direct approach when trying to determine if a woman is interested in a man."

I'm pretty sure the question 'how long do I wait before calling them?' isn't exclusive to men or women.

"Some men play mind games because they are jerks. There is no way to sugar coat this. There are two types of men – the good men and the jerks who simply get off on playing mind games with women. If you’re stuck with the latter, don’t even bother with trying to understand why he’s playing mind games with you. Just find yourself a good man who doesn’t play mind games."

And not just men, and not just people in relationships.

Although the title catches the attention of primarily female readers, it might even turn some of those readers away, too. The silent majority here can recognize the anger and hurt from past relationships that color this attack on men.

I stand by my point that the credibility of this article would increase if it advised us on how to recognize and cope with mind games our partner would play. Our gender and sexuality does not limit us to recognizing that these behaviors are exclusive to men.

I am a man, and I am heterosexual, and I am offering a balanced perspective on the matter pointing out that it's not just men or women who play mind games. There are individuals, both men, women, gay, heterosexual, and bisexual, who play mind games, and it is quite apparently that these behaviors are not exclusive to only men, and my dating experience is only with heterosexual women.

Unless of course you're arguing that our gender and sexuality limit people in understanding or articulating the signs of mind games, and in that case, not only is this sexist against men, but this also assumes our sexuality limits our ability to understand and recognize mind games across all areas.

Most feminist theory (I say this hesitantly because there are so many exceptions and pockets of different schools of thought within this topic), differentiates gender and sex. Gender being cultural or social adaptations and sex being our biological makeup. In other words, we behave the way we do because of social influences (mostly nurture), and our bodies are products of nature. To say either nature or nurture explains entirely why we are the way we are is beyond my expertise.

Despite our gender, despite our sex, and despite our social environment, we can develop a balanced awareness of better ways to communicate, understand, and cope with difficult people that does not set out to isolate, attack, and belittle the entire collection of human beings carrying the XY chromosome.


Bronson_Hub profile image

Bronson_Hub 5 years ago from San Francisco, CA

Double post by accident, I hit the back button the browser.


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 5 years ago Author

Excellent and fair points Bronsob_Hub.

One correction though - this article wasn't written out of anger and hurt and it's certainly NOT an attack on men.Don't read too much into the article,it was written based on my experience - an experience I am very grateful for because it helped me grow and learn what I DON'T want in a mate.


sum 5 years ago

A year ago I was set up with a guy. We dated for about 1.5 months. Yes, we did sleep together...I know people

will want to know that! He told me he liked me etc. etc. and I really started liking him. He lived about 2 hours away but came to where I lived weekly for work, so whenever he was here we would see each other. I did go to see him at his home a couple of times. (I have a cousin that lives near him and I would stay with her)

Towards the end of our dating he kind of stopped making plans acted like he didn't have time for me spend the majority of his time working and expected me to jump at the chance of seeing him when he asked right then and there. He also got a bit confusing too. Told me once that I was mean. I told him if he felt that way then he shouldn't call me.10 minutes later he textd me to come see him. CONFUSING! I had told him earlier that I would be free at 7:30 and would have a sitter then but he didn't bother to get in touch with me until almont 9 pm

I do have a daughter who at the time was 2 years old and explained to him that I cannn't leave at the drop of a hat. I told him i was unhappy doing everything on his terms and he texted "ok i;m going home". He never gave me a straight answer on if he was staying in town (not at my home..he usually got a hotel) and i texted him that he should be kind enough to make plans with me since I have a child.

After I texted him that I never heard from him again.

Fast forward to about 6 months later he sent me an e-mail that said "hey!" I sent one back that said "hey." Never heard anything from him

Now...it's been one year and he sent me a text a week ago asking how I was n how my dauhter was. He said he saw a pic of her on my uncles fridge (they r friends) and "it made me think about her and her beautiful mother" Then said that he wouldl like to see me.

I texted "really...what' changed in a year?" He said he was afraid of the way he felt about me and he was scared to like someone that much so soon. He was afraid of getting his heart broken again then said "I WAS STUPID."

I told him that he was stupid and that I don't trust anything he says. and asked him if he really expectsm eot jump at the chance of meeting him for lunch after he completely ignored me.

He said "i am not asking hyou to jump into anyting. I would like to see you. I don't have any expectations from you." I agreed that I would if his schedule corresponds with mine when he isfree and i am.

He said he would like that and that he will out of town for a week and will contact me.

Can anyone give me advice on why he is contacting me again after a year and if what he says about being scared and all is all just a bunch of BS???

I mean really?

Anything will help!!

He has two teenage daughters and is 41 years old. I am 33


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 5 years ago Author

Hi Sum,I cannot tell you why he's contacting you after so long..I don't know why people do that - both men and women.Usually people will end things only to realise the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side (hello,Taylor Swift "back to december" anyone?).

Sometimes people genuinely panic and pull back for fear of getting hurt.Talk to him,take it slow,have fun,listen to your gut instinct...if there is one thing I've learned from dating,and life in general,it's that your gut feeling is always right.


anonymously drained 5 years ago

HI, I feel for anyone who has dealt with a guy who plays mind games. In a word or two : it sucks. THis guy was such an egomaniac that he thought he was the greatest thing ever.. NOt!.. He loved the game.. The teasing, the come ons, the flirting, the feel sorry for me, the bipolar behavior was just nuts. He would call or text me when his wife wouldn't go near him or hadn't in months. He would say in one breath that he loved me and the next that he loved his wife.. It was just crazy ( like him).. I was sucked in to his madness and shed many tears over what I knew was a going nowhere but insanity fast ride. He was and is toxic. I Feel for is poor wife and know he plays these games with many.. So, I wasn't his only victim,, He has many as his ego needs to be stroked 24/7.. It was a hard lesson that I am still learning from, but I needed to just walk away and know that in the end being rid of him and all of his "Games and sick ways" would be best for me.. NEVER AGAIN! HOpe any female is smarter than I was not to be sucked in and played as I was.. Shame in men who do this. There will always be a stinging pain from this for me.. I will never let this happen again.. Good luck girls!


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 5 years ago Author

@ anonymously drained.....thanks for commenting and best of luck in finding not just a man who doesn't play games but a happy and healthy relationship.


Sarah 5 years ago

I've been seeing an older guy for about a month. I'm 21 and he's 28. I really liked him and he was soo into me in the beginning. He would txt me 30 times a day and told me I was his ideal woman. Then he started to get really busy so I asked if he wanted to end things and if he did there were no hard feelings it was just one of those things. He said he wasn't ready to be in a relationship but that he still wanted to see me. I haven't seen him for 3 weeks now but he keeps talking to me over the internet. When he does it's really nice and flirty but if I try to talk to him he's not interested.

I know he's playing the push pull game but I don't know why. I don't know whether he's been hurt in the past and people who saw is together said he seemed besotted with me at first.

This was the first guy I've really liked and I'm finding it hard to let go in case he turns out to be the great guy I thought he was. Any advise?


freebiescity profile image

freebiescity 5 years ago Author

@Sarah,the only thing I can tell you is "do you".

This person is "busy" so don't waste your time sitting around waiting for him to get "un busy" (yes I know that's not a word)...find some hobbies,do things YOU enjoy doing,anything to take your mind off pining for this person and wondering why he isn't as into you as he was before...who knows maybe as you're out there pursuing the things you're passionate about,you'll be swept off your feet by a man who isn't too busy for you...


Sarah 5 years ago

Thankyou. I know I should be moving on now but fun busy is not really an option right now as I'm finishing my degree so basically I work and sleep. He was just a nice distraction from all the stress. I don't hate him though and thinking of him as just being busy rather than a jerk who messed me around makes me feel better. It's a nicer way to look at life and makes me feel less hurt.


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freebiescity 5 years ago Author

@Sarah,you do whatever you have to do to get through this:).You will find someone,I promise you.Best of luck with your degree.


anonymous 5 years ago

i totally agree. most men that play mind games are immature. I was close friends with a guy for 3 years, and a time came when he asked me out, and because i was not interested in him and told him that i just wanted to remain friends and nothing more, he became very revengeful and was always playing mind games. Like he would ask me to meet up with him, and when i say ok, he will just turn around and say i don't want to meet up with you cos we're just friends and i don't see you in that way. lol.. he would accuse me of being interested and thereby make me feel rejection. I find it very childish and decided not to be a part of his games.


Monica 5 years ago

Hi, I have been in a relationship for 3 yrs. He plays games when everything is going great. Im 42 he is 35. constantly tells me Im beautiful...lives with me..Seems to good to be true. Than the games. He gets jealous and insecure. He was like that from the start. I caught him a couple times on his email.talking to ex's and girls that he claims we were seperated for a week. He gets me so upset with his games. He always is trying to figure out if Im playing games. But it always comes back to his ex that he has a son with...and their games. I am so honest to a fault. I tell his if I blow my nose because of how he treats me. He yells at me when I ask him what he's doing or where he is going. He is very defensive. He is not patient. His past relationships all ended horrible. Ive asked him why. It always seems like he couldn't trust anyone. Now he makes me feel He cant trust me. I truly in my heart feel he is constantly playing games. this past week we were at a resturant. He looked at this one girl..which I just asked what are you looking at..I was a little jealous. but, I don't want to change him. He blew up at me. If it was me looking he blows up at me and I always reassure him. He takes it way to far to the point I want to end the relationship. Ive never had a relationship where Im actually starting to feel mental. I went from a million friends to just him. When I told him I was going to get help he made me feel awful. I feel I cant break free.


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freebiescity 5 years ago Author

@Monica...you CAN break free and when you have truly had enough,you will find a way to break free.You say you're starting to feel mental,that's not healthy and I encourage you to get help..even if its just to talk to someone.Call the Hopeline at 1-800-442-HOPE. You don't have to be suicidal to call that number,they can give you a local number for a peer to peer support group where you can talk to someone anonymously without judgement.I wish you the best as you try and figure out what's best for you.


carol 5 years ago

am really liking these comments, am in a such relationship where my boyfriend tries to play mind games, we have been dating for almost 1 year and half and he never did so before because he was pursuing me and trying to win my love and trust and when i assured him that i loved him with all my heart in last month, he started to be bored in our relationship, he does not call me as he did before and he doesn't text at all, i started texting him for days and i didn't get any reply for long, i blew up at him and asked the reason he was not sending me messages and he said that messaging or not messaging will not change any thing about how we feel about each other and our love but then he told me that he would start messaging me if that would make me happy, then two days went by and no text at all, by the way we live in two different countries and the only way we communicate is through phone[calls and messages], i became so furious and felt that i was not valued at all, am wondering if he loved me sincerely would he make me feel sad, i decided to remove him from my facebook friends deleted all his messages and ignored all his calls tonight, am on the brink of breaking up with him since these silly games are making me give up on him, how on earth can a share a future with someone who is behaving like this now?

i would really appreciate your ideas, am i really wrong to carry out the decision of breaking things with him?


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freebiescity 5 years ago Author

@ Carol,it's hard to tell you what's wrong and right based on just one side of the story and I know I'm going to sound like a broken record here but if a relationship is no longer fulfilling to you,if you're not happy,then you're better off finding someone who will fulfill your needs and make you happy.That's just my two cents.

Bottom line is it's your life.You do what's best for YOU.


Louise 5 years ago

Hiya, really enjoyed reading this, it relaly is interesting and useful! Okay so i've just started getting to know this guy who I recently gave my number to on a night out..and he seemed pretty decent. He called me a few days after he had my number and we spoke casually and it was nice..then he was kept texting/calling me all day everyday for this next few days, and it felt nice, made me feel wanted, especially when he'd text me saying good morning honey etc and he was really nice on the phone too like we had great conversations..BUT then he didn't text/call me for 2 days so i texted him 2 days later and he's not replying!! It's been over a week now i don't know whether he's playing games or what..i don't want to call him or text again..what should i do?? he seemed REALLY interested i'm so confused. Why is he blanking me its been like 10 days now. What do you think?


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freebiescity 5 years ago Author

@ Louise..the one thing I have learned from being on the dating scene is this: interest fades.You meet someone and you do genuinely like them and enjoy their company - sometimes for a week,a month, a year,two year...sometimes the interest fades,sometimes they meet someone they have a deeper connection with,sometimes they just honestly discover they are not as into you as they originally thought.It doesn't mean you're a bad person,it simply means this is not the person for you - in my opinion.

You have done everything you can do to reach out.I don't know why he isn't reaching back out to you...maybe he fell off a cliff,maybe he got overwhelmed with work,maybe he is in a coma or maybe he simply lost interest in you and found someone else.File it under "things you will never understand" and don't stress about it.Move on - date casually,do things that interest you,keep yourself occupied so you don't stress yourself wondering why this man suddenly lost interest in you.


Louise 5 years ago

Yeahh I supposee..I just hope he has been really overwhelmed with work rather than losing interest in me lol i'm not toooo bothered cos I haven't really had a chance to get to know him properly yet so it's not like i'm in love with him lol but he seemed really nice! and is sooo good looking! HA..ohwell i'll give him a few more days. If not, whatever there are plenty more fish in the sea but thankyou so much for your comment back :)


Daphne 5 years ago

Hi, these comments really help us. thanks in advance by the way :)

Anyway, I have dated a guy for about a month. In fact I have known him many years ago (actually our families know each other as well), but couldn't have a chance to meet. and one night (a month before), I texted him (after years of silence) and we started seeing each other. Things were great at the beginning. Our interests were the same, we were laughing, we really enjoyed each other's company. But he is a real slow person. Sometimes he wouldn't text me for 4 days and when the weekend comes, he would text me to meet. I know he is working hard, but that shouldn't keep him from sending me a "hi, how are you?" message.

Anyway, we were seeing each other on the weekends; but still I was the one who was making the plans all the time. Then it became rare that we saw each other. But when he was near me, he would make compliments and showed real interest in me. But our time apart from each other really sucked. He was the silence boy. I know he is a Taurus. And they tell me that usually Taurus men are like this. But I'm not sure.

Then, I wanted to have "the talk" with him and said to him that I felt uncomfortable with this and didn't know how to react. He said to me that his life is a bit chaotic right know. He has some doubts about his work, his future, etc. He said that he enjoys our company and fun relationship. But he said that I should be the one to control things. I told him that I couldn't do that as I couldn't see a very much interest from his part when I send him messages or so. He said that he wants to continue this fun relationship. (although we had much passion)

Then I stopped texting or calling him for a week. He stopped too. Then, I texted him very casually, he responded and then didn't respond to my second text. Then I started sending him a little game texts. He answered in a funny way; then asked how I was; but then stopped responding again.

I don't know what to do. I know I wrote a bit long, but please give me some advice. Thanks very much!


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freebiescity 5 years ago Author

@ Daphne, I'm not going to sugar coat anything for you so I'll just use a cliché - he's just not that into you.I've learned (the hard way) that if someone really digs you,they will make time for you.They will respond to a text,they will pick up the phone,they will email...think about it,when something means alot to you,don't you go out of your way to make that thing happen?You get my point.

Maybe his life is chaotic right now,maybe it's not and he's just using that as an excuse to keep you at a distance.If you're okay with this and are having fun,then by all means keep in touch with this person but if it's not very fulfilling for you,then cut your losses and move onto someone who will blow that phone of yours up with sweet text messages and phone calls - just to let you know they are thinking about you!


Daphne 5 years ago

I somehow knew you were going to respond to me that way :) Thank you again for being honest with me and for opening my eyes.

In fact, I fed up with his attitude. But I also enjoy his company. Do you think is there a way to make this reverse? Is there anything I can do (maybe play hard to get) or stop calling - answering - texting and being in a complete silence may help me to make this my advantage. Is there a way to make him get interested in me? You know like with simple tactics that men fall for?

:) thanks a million


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freebiescity 5 years ago Author

Daphne,don't play his games.Simply don't make him a priority in your life - which is what you are doing right now.And please,please,please don't waste your energy trying to get this man to notice you - simply don't contact him.

You enjoy his company so if he calls or texts you wanting to hang out,then go have fun.If he doesn't,oh well - find an activity to fill your time.You can't force someone to be interested in you.

Spend that energy making YOU better for a man who deserves you...a man who is genuinely interested in you without you having to play any silly little games.


Daphne 5 years ago

You are definitely right. Thank you very much again for the advice :)


kitty 5 years ago

I know this guy at work who played games with me too!

He would be friendly and talk to me one minute and then the next he would act as if i don't exist! This went on for sometime and silly me kept thinking maybe he'll be nice to me next time!..its only cus i liked him. But then it got to the point where i thought..what a selfish and inconsiderate idiot so i stopped giving him the attention. Now i have noticed a change in him he's started to be more attentive and mellow towards me but i still don't get overly excited or show him that i'm keen or anything. I see it like this if he can engage in stupid acts like he did then he is so not worth it. I've already made up my mind with this one...he blew it!

Yes he also has the characteritics mentioned before..

as in he is conceited and loves him self because he is a handsome man! He did get hurt in a past relationship and he likes to be in control and in general has an ego.


RD 5 years ago

Hi Ladies. Firstly im using an anonymous name for obvious reasons.. Im a 28 year old man and have recently met the most incredible woman however there are some issues.. let me explain the entire situation to you and maybe you can give some kind of advice in this regard?

An aquaintance dated this girl by the name of Sam. from the minute i saw her photos on his profile, my breath was taken away...

She moved back to SA from Germany and they were together for about 5 months...

Anyway, they broke up 3 weeks ago after he absused her physically and she ended up in hospital. She then moved in with a male friend(who she has been friends with for a couple of years) who was interested in her, she said she isn't ready and then after a week he basically wrote her off because she didn't give in.

I then came into the picture, we have pretty much spent the last week chatting non stop on gmail, sms, phone calls.. we also spent almost every evening together, i took her home every evening round 9ish as she wakes up early.. I am helping her get her own place, move out of the uncomfortable situation she is with at this other guys house..

Now here is my problem... i am absolutely crazy about this girl, she is what i am looking for. When we are together, everything is all good, we are affectionate, we hold hands but that's as far as it gets - there has never been a kiss, she tells me she likes me but her heart is sore because 2 men have heart her which i do understand but why does she lead me on, is very affectionate, we chat all the time, spend time together yet when push comes to shove she turns around and is scared?

How do i act in this situation? she keeps telling me to give her a week to see that its not infatuation and then she will give us a chance... i get annoyed with the rollercoaster and i confronted her about it.. we ended up having our first official date last night(her idea) which was incredible, we both enjoyed ourselves and then this morning the turmoil started again...

Can someone please give me some advice here?


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freebiescity 5 years ago Author

RD,it sounds like she just wants to take things really slow.It honestly doesn't sound like she's playing any games with you,it just sounds like she's been through ALOT emotionally and she just wants to take things REALLY slow with the next person she gets involved with - who just happens to be you.It sounds like you're having fun so don't overthink stuff and just have fun:)


barb43211 5 years ago

Dear RD,

People who are hurting, hurt people...often without intending to, but emotionally unhealthy people frequently make horrid decisions. Consequently, if a person is making poor choices for their own lives, how much thought or consideration do you suppose they are capable of giving to the rest of us? The answer is little to none.

Please begin to contemplate this thought: Perpetual victims have to volunteer for the position. They blame others for their problems, they dismiss having any personal responsibility for their plight, and they obtain sympathy and “help” from anyone willing to dive into the vortex along with them. Perpetual rescuers are a perfect match…and long-live codependence. Let the mind games begin…because conscious or not, here they come…

This person - in my opinion – is looking to be rescued by anyone willing to “help”, while ignoring the only person who can actually fix it…the person in her mirror. Any hero who signs up for this job is merely providing her with a distraction so she can continue avoiding the root cause and reality...it's an avoidance technique, not a solution.

According to your story, you are man #3. In reality, you may actually be the 5th, or the 25th person attempting to "help". Bless your heart for trying.

I believe your friend needs to spend some time separated from romantic connections completely, so she can focus on learning who she is, what she needs, and what she wants…in that order. Will she need help? She definitely might, but that need is best served by a neutral party. She needs to learn how to take responsibility for her actions, as well as her circumstances. If she wants her life to change, she has to start with herself...by herself.

This journey, should you choose to take it, is likely to be emotionally exhausting and painful, as well as extremely unhealthy...for both of you. A lover harboring issues they refuse to deal with directly can quickly pummel their “partner” into dust. Anyone who has been in this boat knows exactly how painful and damaging it can be. If you are not aware of the inherent dangers of playing with emotional fire, please educate yourself. If you understand the risks but choose to ignore them, then I urge you to spend some time examining your own motives.

If everyone offering to "help" this woman is also trying to get her into bed, how healthy is that for her? Is she hoping to be understood and loved for who she is on the inside, or is she making poor choices because she is addicted to attention - healthy or not? Do you know?

The more beautiful a woman is, the more difficult it is for her to separate who really wants to love her as a person, from people competing to acquire the best possible piece of arm candy.

Truly caring for someone means wanting what is best for them, and doing the right thing, even when it is directly opposed to getting what you want. How much do you care about her?

What I know for sure is this...as far as relationships go, two halves do NOT make a whole, and this sounds like a bad way to start.

Best of luck to you both.


Missy 5 years ago

Hi:

A man at work was dating someone and I didn't know they were together. When I found out they were together, I backed away. He began to be around me and tried to play games with me. At this point, I walked away but was very hurt. I told myself to be a lady and that this will come back on him one day. The last day of school, he was continuoulsy walking around me but I just kept doing my thing. In the long run, he is the one who is insecure. Why does he need my attention when he is engaged to be married? What goes around comes around. Today, I am proud of how I handeled this.

Missy


Karmin 5 years ago

I am fit and over 40, I’ve been into fitness for over eight years, I exercise 4-6 times a week, I am gainfully employed, and I am a homeowner. I am trusting to fault once I feel secure with someone, but not so trusting that I don’t request an AIDS test prior to engaging in relations.

Until recently I was in a loving and trusting relationship (ladies, when the writing is on the wall, don’t ignore it. Investigate it and be prepared to make some hard decisions). That is until I saw that my 55+ boyfriend had been hitting the social network dating sites prior to and throughout our 8+ month relationship (I did not meet him online). These sites ranged from wholesome to disgusting.

After confronting him; ending the relationship; at his prompting, meeting and discussing what went wrong and the importance of open and honest communication; making adjustments in “my schedule” (not giving up the things that fulfill me) to be more available; and then getting back together again, I learned that it’s not me, it’s him because he was back up to the same games.

After confronting him with his most recent indiscretion, he never acknowledged it or apologized. When I called him, he acted as though nothing was wrong. Actually, he was quite cheerful. Initially, I was a little confused about his behavior but then I recalled something on one of his many his dating profiles: “He is tired of chasing women; he wants women to chase him and show him that they want him.” This summed it up for me. It wasn’t easy but, I was able to immediately end it, move on and not look back.

Instead of staying in a slump, I now fill that void with something that I always wanted to do…I started taking swimming lessons.

I hope this helps someone.


natalie 5 years ago

Ive dated a 40 year old a year ago he played mind games got back with his ex but still wanted to hav fun with me. He started ringing me again when i met someone new but he is 39 also has baggage but the other guy said what's wrong with being friends and i found out his ex dumped him but i thought maybe i stood a chance but hes already doing it again sayin iv met a new lass called emma and rubbing my face in it ive told him to basically fuckoff and stop hurting me.


natalie 5 years ago

He was saying a week ago that how do i know the new guys the one and how he could be but now im not seeing anyone coz the new guy acted in a way i didn't like im 27 don't have any kids but guys my age either have kids or want to just have sex. But i do have strong feelings for the other guy but when we argues about him gettin back with his ex and i wanted to tell her about us he said even if she left me i still wouldn't wana be with you i repeated that now and he said i don't remember saying it. And now hes met a women out and hes already chatting about her im so mad coz he never took me out once.


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freebiescity 5 years ago Author

@Natalie, you sound like you're his back up plan..his booty call while he is in between women.If you want to be more,find someone who will give you more.If you're content with being a back up plan,then stick around this guy..just my two cents.


5 years ago

This article hits the nail exactly on the head. I have been going crazy with this guy who's 10.5 years older than me for about 1.5 years everything was great up until a couple of weeks ago, he started playing mind f games. The story is to long to type but I enjoyed this article very much, thank you


Content with the LORD 5 years ago

I am reading a lot of these stories in here which are interesting. I just started talking again with my ex of 21 years. He had problems with mind games. He loved to make excuses for his broken promises. Well he's now into church which is good, but I informed him that I will not be living with him until he marries me first. We first got engaged back in 1990, but it never happened. Now here it is 2011 and he made a second proposal for marriage. Ladies we have to learn to stand our grounds with these men or else they will keep playing mind games with us. I informed him that I will not move in with him unless we get married first. A man can tell you all day long that he's going to marry you, but actions speak louder than words. Never move in with a man you're not married to because basically you're setting yourself up for failure. Suppose you move in with that man and the whole scenario changes? It happened to me the first time when I was 21 years old. Now that I am 43 I am older and much wiser and won't fall into that trap again. So please ladies, put GOD first in your life and everything will fall in perfect order. If we're good enough to live with, we're good enough to marry. Haven't you heard the saying "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" I learned from my previous experience the first time in this relationship and will not fall in that trap again.


BB 5 years ago

MIND GAMES SUCK! I have been dating my partner for three years and after reading this I have just realised he is playing minds games with me. Turning the phone off letting it ring out, making out he is out when I know he is not. Even arguing with me if I speak up, I have felt so depressed thinking it was me that was always upsetting him. He had an awful upbringing perhaps this has something to do with his attitude towards me.


Elle 5 years ago

Wow...Mine had me starting to believe it was me who had the problem. He started with "he is in too deep and doesn't want to be" "we live too far away from each other" "I bug him because he felt I made a fuss over him when he got injured on a train"(I would have applied first aid to a stranger also - it's just the kind of person I am)

This man was VERY attentive...we talked every day...chatted online...texed numerous times every day.

Bottom line? Immaturity combined with emotional issues. He looked for any excuse to keep me at arms length...because he realised too late he had feelings for me.

It annoyed me very much....especially when he compared me to his ex wife......said my mannerisms and likes/dislikes were the same as hers. Very funny since he knew me first. I suggest SHE was actually like ME not the other way around!

Long story short....used excuses to make me feel I was the one who wasn't good enough for him. Truth is...I'm out of his league and he was punching above his weight.


Jessica 5 years ago

The men who posted here are most likely guilty of acting like these same men. Some of what the ladies wrote sounds like they are with narcissists.


Brittany 5 years ago

I was with this guy for 3 years and everything was great were friends for 6 years and we broke up 6 months ago bcuz he was changing bcuz he read my journal I never cheated on him or anything and he was ready to ebd our relationship bcuz I notice we would argue more he just act so unhappy so I felt he stop loving me so I moved home after the breakup and he txt and calls at times but just says hes goin to come back he just needs time then he said god hasn't led hom back to me and the he said god told him he needs to work on his family but no kids and god told him to work on himself but still txt me trying to find out what im doing please help


gina 5 years ago

if he or she is playing with you he's not interested in you. and visa versa...my boyfriend just got right into my face and asked me out after spotting me while commuting to work...its an insecurity and the man or woman doing the playing should get help. there is no reason to play if you truly want that person. sorry it sounds old fashioned but its the truth.


mark 5 years ago

i agree with gina...a person who had to do this need to seek a problem its not the other party..its you the player. you should see a doc and figure out why your treat men or women this way.


joey 5 years ago

i don't play with women i cannot be bothered, most of the time the relationship never takes off...i just go right up to her and say hi and keep talking and hope for the best. playing her just makes her play back and it just snowballs.


Karmin 5 years ago

Brittany,

Clearly, you stated something in your journal that caused him to feel that the relationship was not as secure as he thought.

In the midst of his love for you, he may also feel hurt and angry. I have a suggestion. The next time he contacts you, assure him of your love for him, give him his space, and tell him that when he's ready to talk about the state of your relationship, to contact you, but not before then.

During that time do some introspection and above all, be true to yourself.


Laura 4 years ago

wow...what has been described here fits the guy I have been seeing for the last 2 years to a T. Professing feelings and emotions then pulling back...huge emotional baggage with relationships and had a terrible upbringing...he tries to make me jealous all the time of other women..he constantly needs attention from several women..in my heart, I truly feel he is scared of his feelings for me and is probably sure that I will hurt him..which is so not the case. I can tell he is controlling of his current partner and past ones I believe as well because he has told me that "no-one talks to him like I do"..because I don't take his crap. On the other hand, he does what was mentioned above, which is to want to see me at the last minute...I guess to see if I will drop anything I am doing for him?..he also breaks plans and promises...there has been alot that has went on in 2 years and like I said, I don't take his crap, so when he hurt me..I got him back pretty good...we didn't speak for 6 mos. then he came and spent 2 days with me..things are great when we are together but then a week later..back to what I call the "mind f*ck" games he plays (excuse the explitive)..I think on one hand, it will never work because Im not like him...I want a trusting, loving relationship and I don't think he is capable of it, but then I want to believe that maybe he will change when he sees he can trust me, that I wont hurt him. Do these men ever change?


Karmin 4 years ago

Can they change? Possiby. The question is how long are you willing to ride the emotional roller coaster in hope of the change?

I got off the ride after my husband died and until his death he proclaimed his love for and faithfulness to me; however, in the end, he died in another woman's bed...one of three that he was juggling at the time. I was fortunate enough to become a young widow.

My advice, don't look in the mirror one day and see an old woman still waiting for him to change. Get out now. Love yourself enough to go through the temporary pain of loss. You'll save yourself a LOT of heartache and gain peace of mind, your dignity, and another opportunity to find reciprocal love.


BridieQ 4 years ago

Hubmaster, you are extremely level-headed and I admire your insight. I am dealing with a 51 year-old mind gamer, so ladies, they don't change. I think I want to keep him, because I am sure there is nothing better out there for me. Lifetime of experience makes me know he is truly a gem, but he plays these mind games. I pull away whenever he pulls away, and yes, he does work to get my interest back...but there is some heartache when he pulls away. I understand needing distance because I need it too. I want the permanent girlfriend role, not marriage. I've had clingy, possessive, indifferent....I like a lot about this one. So I am ambivalent about letting go. And I have learned to tend to myself in those times he pulls away.


William Norman profile image

William Norman 4 years ago from Cross Plains, Texas

You say that you always recommend that a man use a direct approach when trying to determine if a woman is interested. Sometimes the "direct approach" backfires.

I have been in situations with women who gave verbal and non-verbal cues that suggested attraction. After blurting out my interest in her, I would get shot down... I was given the "friend" card, and verbal and non-verbal cues changed thereafter. A few disappointments taught me that an indirect approach is less "scary" for both people. However, an indirect approach requires greater sensitivities to hints and cues...


Waterlily 4 years ago

I ve been in a long distance relationship for a little over a year now. In the beginning of the relationship another woman contacted me claiming they were together at the same time. I was heart brOken, I made him show me his ph records and there it was, his calling her more than he called me. Four hrs away and he d always show up at my apt when I tried to leave him. I love him but he plays mind games, I am 26 and he is 29. He has a 14 ur old daughter and I believe they talk in not such a good way about me at times. When things are good they re awesome when they re bad it's horrible. My friends and family like him alot. When we have problems he keeps saying it's because we re four hrs away. I ve made a decision that it's me that has to relocate due to jobs. He dosent handle stress well and when we argue we say horrible things to each other. Its hard for me to trust him. He has changed some , sometimes I think it's me who needs to forgive him, does anyone have any advice?


Karmin 4 years ago

Waterlily,

Relocating is a huge endeavor. I'm pretty sure that you thought you knew him very well before the call from the other woman. Did he propose? I know of two women, with no formal commitment, who uprooted and followed their heart and boyfriend out of state. Both relationships ended within a year.

A long distance relationship is difficult to nurture; it's difficult to bond with the other person; and when he or she begins to feel lonely, it's human nature to seek out comfort elsewhere.

Focus on loving yourself more; content yourself in your current status; set goals to better yourself and financial well-being (in other words, keep busy) and; if one of your current goal is to be in a committed, loving relationship that will ultimately lead to marriage, then at least give yourself a fair shot and date locally.

Too many women anxiously abandon themselves in pursuit of love, as if there will never be another opportunity.

Lastly, whether he's four minutes away or four hours away, what's the point in continuing in the relationship if there is no trust?


Lanie 4 years ago

Ive always said Mind games are pathetic...than I met him ... Alpha-type guy, huge ego... I saw it and gave it right back to him... It felt so good to crush his ass... Honey you're not that great...will I do it again.. No... I know what I want and I do believe there are good guys out there.. Right now I focus on me and my goals.. Finding mr right .. ?.. Let him find me... Good luck to you all


Laura 4 years ago

Hi guys,

Do you have any comment on my issue? This would be very helpful. I am officially heartbroken, trying to understand what happened and this seems like an answer. I dated this guy for less than a year. He is smart, educated, good looking, athletic. He has some family problems so i thought that might be the problem all the time but after some situations i realized that can not be the biggest problem. While talking about breaking up and before that i took very offensive when he repeated me that im always dissapointed with something. I can evaluate myself pretty objective and with him i really tried so i kinda disagree. I made to conclusion that every time he did something that normally should cause dissapointment in other person he understood that he has done wrong, but as i knew him already i didn't get angry unless it really hurted my feelings. So i was ok and trying to get along with what he has done but i saw that he is "looking for punishment" and was not ok. So obviously, after a while i asked 'whats happening"..that's how conversation started and i told him what i didn't like (not yelling, not offensive just pointing out that this or that wasn't nice". And all of the sudden he end up blaming me again that i am so difficult and hard to please but it is SO OBVIOUS he was looking for this argument. Maybe he don't understand why i am not angry if i should be after what he has done? Why is he doing this? Could he be a player? Is there any "cure". What if i talk to him honestly making him understand that i know what's happening and im not interested in these games. I just want to be nice to him ect.

Help! Please!

he is also a "hunter". After he got me he is not so interested anymore and don't understand why should he still put some effort. So this might be the way how he spice up things?

Im not an angel myself but i really don't like this all. Still, this guy is worth fighting but what's hes problem?

Laura


rashad 4 years ago

it goes both ways not just one women do the same to really decent men that aren't into games bs lies its a huge turn off for anybody playin games honestly if u really like somebody let them don't play bs mind games just be real about how u feel


Karmin 4 years ago

Laura,

Like you, I don't like to argue, but whatever the situation is that's causing me to be discontent, I will address it will a level head.

Just be yourself. It seems like you are walking on eggshells when you attempt to communicate with this guy. He may be educated, athletic, and good-looking, but ask yourself each time that you go through some BS with him, is your happiness worth it, is your peace of mind worth it, is your dignity worth it, is sacrificing who you are to stay in the relationship worth it? If you truly valued yourself, the answer should be no.

Maybe he's no longer interested in you; maybe he's not use to dealing with a woman such as you; or maybe he's a player. Regardless of the reason for his behavior towards you, the solution can be found within you. You should love yourself enough take a stand at the risk of losing him. In short, you must be true to yourself in order to eventually achieve some level of happiness or contentness.

I know that it may feel like it, but you really can live without him; all you need is time. So don't be afraid to tell this guy or any other guy how you feel about something they are doing that just doesn't sit well with you. If he is mature, not stubborn or proud and is really into you, and your concerns or valid, it may take a separation, but he will make the necessary adjustments. If he doesn't, and the situation is often and contentious, then maybe you should move on.


mizzmax 4 years ago

To all the ladies out there that are dealing with men who are playing mind games, please run to the nearest exit and don't look back! I am a female who has a male brother and cousins and the one thing I learned: When a man wants YOU, then he will pursue YOU, that's it, black and white. If he's playing mind games with you, he's already got a plan for you (probably sex or your money...or both). Even if you say you "LOVE" him; it's not that you love him, you love the chase and he will continue to drive you INSANE! Good luck to you all.


deborah 4 years ago

I agree with Mizzmaz. He will chase you if he’s interested. However, don’t be fooled by the chase. After you’re caught the outcome may not necessarily be a long term commitment because the chase is wherein lies the challenge; the chase is what keeps him coming back. I learned this several years ago and within a week after realizing that he had no intention of breaking up with his girlfriend because “she’s this, and that, and nothing like you”, I cut him off, but left the door open for friendship.

I’ve probably got a story for every relationship situation out there, so I’ll share this bit of information to help you shield yourself. If you’re in between relationships because you value your worth and just won’t accept old body, go out with a chaser to kill time (especially if you know your chaser and you know him to be a womanizer).

Money is no object to a chaser with the financial wherewithal. Allow him to take you to fine restaurants, bring you a gift every time he sees you, call you from a Coach store and then send pictures of the pocketbook he wants to buy you, offer to pay a bill, take you on a trip (by no means ask him). Give him a little peck on the cheek or lips, no tongue, to show your appreciation and then push his ass away when he tries to advance. Don’t be available to him each time he calls and DON’T catch feelings and start to get mushy.

After all, it’s just a game to him but you’re in on it.


Nadine 4 years ago

I think I am dealing with a guy into mind games-He has told me I need to be fixed, I have major bad habits, I don't know how to talk in a relationship and I make him feel like sh*t-

When we started talking I would tell him stories of my past, people I've dated, funny situations etc. That was in the beginining and it's stuck in his head-

He has said I've ruined a good thing b/c of what I said, that I pounded it in his head-That I don't put his feelings first-He always says "do you understand?!" when we are talking on something serious-

Today he told me he took my picture off his phone, put the phone in his desk and didn't look at it all day-That it felt good to not have to think about me-Yet I came over to his apt last night, made dinner and he was fine with me, went to bed but in this morning he tells me I've ruined it, it's my fault-


anonymouscoward 4 years ago

I have been with this guy 3 years.

we started our relationship out as "just friends" or as guys like to call it "fuckbuddies."

I was just out of a really abusive relationship and he was there for me through it.

It has been 3 years of constant ups and downs, calls then no calls, at some points no phone so no contact. He will appear back in my life and then dissapear just as quickly. When things get good, he backs out. He was married for 10 years and promised himself he would never love another woman again, then he started falling for me.

After a while of not talking to him, he called me out of nowhere and wanted to see me.

He kept saying I love you and I told him he needs to step it up or step back because I am dating other people and immediately he told me he wasn't ready to give up what we have had. I drew the line with him and told him that I need him to actually be there for me and quit with his game playing b.s.

WELL. a couple months passed and everything was fine, and now he isn't calling me back, he has dissapeared again, and when I called him the other night he answered, said hello, and when I said something he left the phone off the hook and didn't hang up. Now he's been calling me and not leaving voicemails, or letting it ring a couple times and when I go to pick up hanging up. Lame. What's up with that?? Super immature but yet I love him so deeply I can feel his pain if that makes sense. He got beat up about a year ago and I was out with my friends and suddenly my body felt like I got in to a fight. I looked over at my friend and said "something's wrong... something happened to ______." then I found out that night that he went to the hospital. It was crazy and creepy because I have never loved someone so deeply to feeling their pain before. It was definitely a wtf moment. He keeps me on my toes, but when he ignores me or goes back in to his "cave", the waiting game continues. At one point in the beginning of our relationship, he convinced me that he was moving and I was devastated come to find out he was totally full of shit and wanted to see how I would react.

Mind games suck.


Sassy34 4 years ago

These are stupid games tol play they should shut these down like come on omg STUPID!


Kelly 4 years ago

I've been with this guy for 3 years. It started out as f*ckbuddies then went on and off with the ups and downs with emotions. This guy gets close then backs off and he won't contact me for 3 weeks. He told me twice he wanted to end it tho we still kept seeing each orther. In the beginning he would tell me he's nothing without me by the end he's told me he doesn't like how attached I am to him. We use to live 5 minutes from each other, now he's moved 2 hours away. We don't see each other or talk as much anymore so I wrote him an email telling him how I feel, which is basically I love him but I am moving on. Now he calls me all the time to come over and go out.... I have stopped myself from going tho its hard. I know its going to have to be me that ends this and I'm finding it difficult case deep down I only want to be with him. Well to get to my point I've played his game and its been an exhausting 3 years. I have learned a lot from a guy like this. And I want to say to the woman, keep dating other guys because most other guys show you how you should be treated without all the games. Guys who play game keep your hopes high and your self esteem low.


Mich 4 years ago

Mind games who needs them. Only little boys and little girls play silly things like that.


Sherry 4 years ago

If someone tells you they have baggage believe them and run in the opposite direction! Don't be bothered with immature prospects. Find you someone with similar goals and dreams. Don't waste your life on someone that you have to "fix!" It's exhausting!


Nebula 4 years ago

At the onset of a relationship, I think mind games are totally counterproductive, immature, and stupid. I'm currently being "ignored" by some douchebag who thinks this is how you attract "women." If the guy is looking to attract an immature, emotionally insecure girl, then I guess it's worth a shot. But for those who are a bit more matured and truly do love and respect themselves, it's just a huge annoyance. Honestly. Dating is such a pain sometimes...

At the same time, for those that do fear rejection, what happened to just getting to know the other person with good old conversation and seeing what develops? It's better than being all shady and kept in the dark. If they're truly interested in getting to know you, then they'll respond. If they're immature and only interested in playing games, then move on. Communication is key to any healthy relationship, and if you can't even do that at the onset of one, then you're gonna have major problems--if you don't already.


Deborah 4 years ago

Nebula,

Well said!


marr 4 years ago

men are idiots


Tim Burton 4 years ago

A lot of interesting comments. I a man and I won't lie when I say I have trouble committing. But my experience has taught me that mind games, unfortunately, seem to be part of life. Its painful to hear the expression "emotionally mature". There is no one on this planet who is fully emotionally stable and mature. We are all "flawed" individuals but this is a wonderful thing. Its adds interest and challenge to life. If a challenging relationship can be worked on by both sides and an acceptance of our flaws is tolerated by our partners but worked through, then this relationship will be rock solid.. I look at my parents and their life/relationship development and it always makes me proud and hopeful that I too can achieve this happiness and contentment with a partner.. Be good people and enjoy the many amazing facets that make up you and your partner. "life is what's happening when you're waiting for the "important things" " Peace out.........


Incognito 4 years ago

Hi I am a man, well in his forties, I am married for 18 years now, we have our ups and downs, but like say it takes more than love to keep a marriage intact, maybe we believe that we have make it work no matter what, having said this we have had same great moments and will keep having them amongst the bad ones.

To come to the point of mind games, yes we all do, remember we are human, from a very young age girls woman are the ones who get all the attention from the opposite sex, its women who get chased not men, sometimes this makes us men insecure, this makes us men feel that a woman can have any man she wants too as she has greater apparent or percieved powers than a man has, a man feels that she can go the bed with any man if she so wills, this is not so the case with a man, so he goes out and tries to see how his charm works, he tries to seduce woman so that over a drink he could tell his friends shes hot for me, he would love the idea to have many woman in waiting, unfortunately this is the insecurity a man has, its not that they don't love their partners is just that they are too scared of being dumped, or humiliated, for a man he has to be a performer even in bed, he is constantly afraid of being compared to an ex and always wants to feel like a stud, please understand us we all love our woman but we want to be chased sometimes want to feel like studs, want to feel like we the best in bed and that sex is awesome, yes i do admit we all play mind games, but women are emotionally stronger than men believe me, rise above it all, let the wild horse get its freedome in the end he will only come back to you.


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

I was actually thinking of writing an article similar to this one, but I won't now that I came across this hub. This is actually very good information. Voted up and sharing.


VERY TRUE SAYS 4 years ago

it is more like the women that are PLAYING THE GAMES TODAY, and it seems that there are so many DYSFUNCTIONAL WOMEN that are out there more than ever nowadays. with so many women, having their SHIT DON'T STINK OF AN ATTITUDE, it is worse for us guys trying to meet a DECENT ONE NOW.


ABSOLUTELY SAYS 4 years ago

low life women seem to be everywhere now, why is that? it is very hard just to start a conversation with the one that i would like to meet, and they are so damn nasty too. SUCH LOSERS.


4 years ago

I've read most of everyone's post. I want say thank you all for being so brave to share your stories with me.

Reading your stories has encouraged me to edit my life and how can I be that stronger woman. I am very fortunate I am in my 20s to resolve a lot of issue in regards to dating. The obvious is I still have tons to learn. From what I gather, I am not looking for a relationship but friendship. I firmly believe if a man respects himself, he will respect the woman he is with. I do not believe in diving into relationships, but i do believe in being friends for a very long time. If a guy doesn't respect this, the obvious is he doesn't want me.

And I've been in situations where guys weren't that into me, I did what my instinct told me to do, confront and know where I stand. Whether i face rejection or not, I'm not going to die. I rather end it eaely than be mislead i. The long run.


MARK SAYS 4 years ago

i certainly agree what the other man said, it is more like the women that are playing the games today. there are many of us serious men out there that are looking to find the right woman, and have a relationship with her. i hate going out as it is, because when i think of the time, money, gas, and ware and tare on the car, it would be very nice to find that special woman to be committed to. i wish that i could be at the right place at the right time to connect with a woman that i would like to meet. it seems to me that women are not looking for men anymore, like they once did. i was married at one time, and i was a very caring and loving husband that never cheated on her. she did cheat on me, and i had thought that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her and have a family. i never mistreated her in anyway, and i was very happy with my life at the time. being alone and single again, certainly sucks for me. this is why i will go out every single night not to be home by myself, since i have no one to stay home to. many women today have a very bad attitude problem, and have become so hard to start a conversation with. i can't blame myself, since we have so many women now playing very hard to get. i am in my late fifties, and i wish that i was a good twenty to thirty years younger then i would have a lot more time to work with. i feel as if GOD is punishing me, and i do not know why. now i just go out and hope for the best.


billy says 4 years ago

in my opinion, many women are the ones playing mind games. they certainly need to grow up. there are many of us men that do not play games, and are very serious trying to meet a good woman today.


gina ziccardi 3 years ago

okay so someone played games on me, I think he thought it was cute and he got his kicks, and I think he has boredom issues, and I think he doesn't have strong attraction to anyone but himself, and I think he was attracted to me but when I fell apart from his treatment he didn't like me, as long as I allowed him to bullshit me and be part of his game, I was some fun or point of interest. He picked me apart, and he had side piece's for sex, and his gf stalks me, but accusses me of stalking her, now he is stuck with her, he seems happy, he hurt me deeply and I am recovering from is onslaught, and I believe I am still in love with him. But I am meeting other people and I am going to go slow and allow myself to fall in love with someone else. The game he created just got to big and it's fine I am letting it go, I occasionally have these little lapses where I think I am in love with him, but I talk myself out of it, I said a million things to him in texts I even bothered some of his family because of what he was doing with me, I really feel I have complete love and care for him. But , it isn't fair to me or my family he doesn't do a damn thing for me, and he is in a relationship and his family approves, oh well I am on the broken hearted club, whatever someone will kiss my boo boos and love me, I won't believe people unless they prove their love........from now on, I wonder why this happened to me I blamed myself for everything that came to me.......I have no real answer, and anything I do at this point is going to be judged or called crazy, it's a shame because I really thought we had something, that it really was going to be special,so I added to it , I did do some out of the ordinary things, but I guess love does that to people, maybe there is no such thing as love, at least I don't know real love :( ...........okay there is my one chapter of what happened.....


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

Great analysis. Men who play mind games are a waste of time even if they are good looking there are always more fish in the sea. Voted up!


Stef 3 years ago

BEST ANSWER/EXPLANATION!! I've been searching for days for an answer and this article explains exactly what i'm going through!! I just wish there was a way of communicating to him that I am interested and that although these games may work on other women...its pushing me away. But can't say anything without seeming 'psycho' or 'needy'. But I think i'm just going to cut him out. I've been really patient, but life's too short!


hubpages1983 2 years ago from Europe

Wanted to express my feelings.. because I know what it's like. My experience goes back to before I married in 07 with a man who was twenty-two years older in age than I at that time. He, 40, I, 18. Soon after I graduated high school.

Not every woman is the same. Many are different in many ways.

I myself did attempt the straight approach. Of course I was not good enough when I attempted. 

Lived my life always stressed becoming more stressed within time because of life's usual stresses. The amount I was faced with as each day passed only worsened. Didn't see anything wrong with attempting to find one to settle with for the rest of my life. Throughout my life struggled with my weight. This man made a big deal about it as if I wouldn't had lost it for him if I would had then at the time gotten with him. 

Words hardly shared between the two of us. Mind games. He insisted with mind games and did so for about a year in hopes I would lose the weight for him. Before he had made me his I assume. That thing where he made me feel I must earn him. As the time passed he soon found someone else. But I still had my questions. Is he happy? Or is it another, I'm trying to make you jealous? I had soon gotten married because I felt he had found his someone. I do believe he was, is happy since they're together assuming she's everything he's wanted yet couldn't get out of me. If he had been trying to make me jealous he should had known I'm not the type.

I personally needed to find inner peace within myself. Never could because I refused to want to understand many things. Mature yet not as mature as I should had been. The mind games did hurt because I did find them childish. Now my feelings toward mind games is I honestly don't care. Did love him but I couldn't bring myself to want to give him what he wanted, to give into him then because of the mind games. Was as if he doubted my love. That thing where he had emotional problems maybe?.. baggage perhaps. All he had to do was personally let me know I was not wrongly assuming anything. He was making me feel like a nut case. ("Crazy.") Because I at the time was not for the mind games. Him being more mature with me then would had went a long way. Things would be different right now.

I did find it inconsiderate. At times I (felt) I wanted to yell at him because I knew of his maturity. I wouldn't ever yell at him literally. But wanted to tell him to quit and be done with me already. I hated holding on to someone who was not willing to meet me half way. I did forgive him because I loved him. That word adored along with. I do see the control he wanted. I was starting to understand I would never be young enough for him. All I wanted was for him to understand where I stood. I guess in other words understand that I wasn't as young as he had wanted. That thing where we didn't see eye to eye.

I didn't want to give into the mind games because I knew he was much more mature than that. Reason I loved him. Adored everything about him.

The future. 

If I wouldn't had married and he were to step back into my life..My feelings. What would it mean if I would feel so very weak inside? I would had given into the thought of him then by now if I wouldn't had married. 

Otherwise, being after a possible divorce my actions would consist of me hardly speaking because of my feelings. That thing where assuming is what I will then, in the future prefer. Not weak but I know what I will want. Am personally not much for words yet when writing, texting, or typing, words can be never ending with me. 

If he does want me I feel he will step into my life in the future. Please let it not be while I'm married. Afraid of being rude unintentionally. Good possibility this as mentioned won't happen. In hopes of he being happy with who he's with now and he prove his happiness by him staying out of my life.


hubpages1983 2 years ago from Europe

The fact that I may cause this person what he caused me mentally helps me let him go. I don't like the idea of causing one what they've caused me. Me mentioning so honestly helps my mental situation to an extent.


CalimommA 2 years ago

Hi all... So i enjoyed all the posts & responses. I have a somewhat similar/confussing/complicated situation. 2yrs ago i met this one guy online-i was 37 & he was 43.hes got 3kids, i have one kid. When we met he called & texted all the time, we went out several times-dinner or movies, even gave me roses & he would talk about the future of me & him. He was really into me but i was just taking things day-by-day. After a few months together i find out im pregnant from him. We try to build a stronger relationship but after another month i miscarry. I needed time away from ppl & completely shut-down. I never heard from him after my miscarriage. 2013 arrives & few months go by & he started sending me texts saying "hi" or "hey", i of course didn't respond b/c for me it would take more than a text to respond esp to him esp of our past. He continues to send me random texts every other month but never a phone call. Fastforward to this year & i guess he gets bold & actually calls, leaving a vm. I listen to the vm & decided to call back, we talk & of course the usual questions of " how've you been, how are things,etc..." & he even throws in " i missed you" my response was " well if u truly missed me as you say then you being a 40something yr old man shouldve called, you certainly knew how to call when u wanted a piece of a**& blew up my phone w/texts for that same reason so why did you act like a teenager if you so worried & missing me as you say?" His response was " i thought u were mad @ me..." Of course total BS but whatever i listened to him.towards the end of the convo he asks if he can call me or text me & if we can meet up for coffee sometime, dumb me says "sure". Well, the meet & greet was set for another week, never heard a text or phonecall, the night before the meet up he texts me if i could meet him that night, i say "cant, im working, besides we agreed for tmrw so what's the issue?" He response was his " daughter wants to spend time w/him tmrw" i respond by saying "thanks for the notice i guess i'll talk to you someother time." A week goes by & he texted me saying" what's up?" I of course had been busy remodeling my house so really wasn't in contact w/hardly anyone. Bottomline he starts again saying how he's missed me & when will we meet, i tell him its up to you & when you pull your head out of your a** b/c i have a child already & don't have time for childish games. He sends texts to me a couple of days straight, Valentine's Day comes & he sends me a valentine &i send one back. We send eachother " have a nice day" texts,he sends he misses me,etc,etc. We finally meet up & have a few laughs & talk,i tell him ive missed him as well, he says he doesn't have a woman or is not dating/seeing anyone. A few days go by & he sends me another text asking how im doing. We meet again, have dinner & just relax & are intimate. I leave to go home b/c he has to work early the next day & my child is @ my home w/ a sitter. The next day i send him a text for him to have a good day & he responds back by saying he's running late to work b/c he woke up late, i tell him im sorry if i had caused him to be late & that wasn't my intention & that i like spending time w/him but don't want him to get into trouble @ work b/c of me. Things change aftef that, he doesn't text anymore & has never called-only that one time. This past w/e i sent him a text asking how he was-he responded like hours later. I got the hint then so i left it alone. This past wednesday he sent me a text saying " howdy, hi, hey" i respond with " hello" & never heard anything back. My feeling is im into him but it seems onesided. Should i bail & fade away or laylow or confront him.


Lauren 2 years ago

First things first actions speak louder than words so if he saying he loves but doesn't show it and puts you down blames you for everything then it's time to let go remember girls it's not what he says it's what he's not saying that's how you figure the real men out from the boys


Perspycacious profile image

Perspycacious 20 months ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

A good question you might ask a man is: "What did your mother teach you about women?" followed up with "And what did your father teach you about women?"

And, if this is part of saying goodbye for real, "Then I presume you learned your bad habits from the other guys."


Purelady68 20 months ago

The pain you feel at a man's mind games are nothing compared to the pain he will feel once you reclaim your power, cross your legs, close off your P--y and push him out the door and mean it.

Wanna see a grown man cry?

Do the above in retaliation and remind him the ultimate power belongs to she who has the p---y, and he'd better not EVER forget it


Blackberries85 17 months ago

I fell in the same trap too! I'm flawed as well of course, but I try to keep things clear as much as I can because I hate mind games.

I met this guy who seemed to be incredibly obcessed by me, he's 3 years older but he has a lot of baggage and just came out from a very long and difficult relationship.

He used to get jealous about me all the time and saying how much I was special and different from other girls he met. He demanded so much attention from me and sometimes, too much drama for me talking to other guys that I just asked him "you already told me you don't want to be in a relationship with me, so why are you being so possessive?" he even told me "look, I'll show you my facebook chats and you'll see I don't talk to other girls, not even play games"

I refused, I just think, Look, I don't care to spy your facebook, not even with your consent.. that says nothing about you. The guys I talk to are just friends and in any way, I don't give them any expectations besides that. What am I going to do? Stop talking to everyone? Geez.... no way!

He told me that he feels weirdly insecure around me although he looks like a very secure guy, I wonder why the hell me?

Stupid me, I fell in love with this guy and he started slowly to talk less and less. He "says something" everyday, like "hi, I'm doing this and that" or something and then only responds a word to me in the next day or 2... well nothing like he was before.

I told him this has been painfull for me because he changed a lot. I know he lost interest in me, so why don't we stop talking for once instead of doing this "push and pull game"? I told him it's not fair for me that he can't make time for me anymore but he keeps saying nice things once in a while to keep me around or such. When I try to cut off forever, he comes running and explains himself a lot.. He tells me he misses me more than he cares to admit, I don't believe it anymore :/ Next day he ignores me like nothing happened. He seems to be afraid of me putting him aside and disconnect like I do with my ex's. he says doesn't want to be "in that box", but honestly.. he's getting his place there :/

I know I can't do anything about him. I'm just keeping myself busy and getting to know other people too. I don't long for him as much as I used to, I'm getting off my ties slowly to the day we'll never talk again.

Idk, I just think I deserve more than this...


Carol 13 months ago

iwas a single mum for twenty years with no bf's. Lived for kids. Then I met a guy who said all the right things and made me feel important. Attention after so long was just so nice. He would make comments like "your mine". And "your beautiful". "Your sexy". He would text in the morning just to say good morning. Then it turned into a booty call and when I told him no more. He cut me off and then started posting pics on fb showing him doing work around his ex's house and word playing with her and his teenage kids. This hurt so I blocked him on fab and my phone. I miss him but I was just sex and I get it. Time to get past this and live.


frumpleton 5 weeks ago

If a guy starts with the mind game crap, just give it back to them. It's like serving a meal -- it can be hot (when you're mad) or cold as ice when you aren't mad. Best to serve it cold. That way, you can think before you act. If they act like a jerk, I don't need him. If he gawks at a woman on the street to make you jealous and you are driving, pull over right beside her and say to him, "You look like you want to meet her. Do want to?" I did that once, and my boyfriend muttered, "Get this car going!"

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