Why you should not mind read your spouse?

“A heart has problems which mind cannot understand.” –Santosh Kalwar

Do you always feel you know your spouse inside out?

Do you read new meanings into the words your spouse says?

Do you also feel that you can mind -read your spouse to perfection?

But do you know that mind-reading your spouse leads to many problems in your relationship?

It is true that you get to know your spouse better as years go by. You understand what he\she feels from his\her body language and also through his\her facial expressions. These are obvious and open show of emotions, but the inner thoughts of your spouse cannot be fathomed that easily.

There are times when you do not understand the behavior of your spouse and so you mind-read and assume whatever you feel at the moment about him\her. Invariably you are wrong! When you do not talk it out with your spouse you place your assumptions as an x-ray to see through what your spouse is thinking.

Do you know that this attitude leads you to misunderstand your spouse? Are you wondering how? Mood swings are very common for anyone and your spouse is no different. You misconstrue the moody behavior of your spouse as a display of his\her feelings towards you.

There are times when he\she might be silent and quiet at home and not interact lovingly to your overtures. You are angry by his\her behavior and you assume that he\she does not like to talk to you. You do not try to understand that your spouse might be having some work related problems and so feeling all tensed up. He\she wants some silence and privacy while you fume that he\she is drifting away from you. A mistaken mind-reading!

When you keep on assuming new angles to the moods of your spouse, you always mind read wrongly!

  • His\her silence means indifference to you. But to him\her it is a natural need for some private moments.
  • You feel his\her anger to be an open show of hatred towards you, while in actual fact it was a momentary flash of temperament.
  • Mood swings has nothing to do with his\her love towards you and has everything to do with the situation he\she is in.

Why do you want to mind-read your spouse instead of directly asking him\her about it? Modern marriage is very egoistic and you feel that you are equal to your spouse and want the explanation to come from him\her. ‘Let him\her tell me what his\her problem is. If he\she doesn’t, I will assume it and I cannot be bothered if I am wrong.’

Mind- reading the real inner thoughts of your spouse and changing yourself according to his\her likes is a characteristic not all possess. You need empathy to know what your spouse really needs from you. If you are too focused on yourself you never know what your spouse wants from you.

Let us take an example! You might be an introvert while your spouse might be an extrovert and so wants more interaction with you. You never know the yearning of your spouse if do not empathize and mind- read his\her inner cravings. Do you see how your positive mind- reading can better your relationship with your spouse?

Facial expressions of your spouse are an excellent tool to mind read him\her. Refusing eye contact and deliberately looking away when you are talking with your spouse emphatically shows his\her disinterest. Arms placed on the chest show that he\she is ready for a confrontation. Lips pulled down shows that he\she is in a depressive or morose mood.

Such body language cannot lie and you are almost right in your assumption about what he\she thinks. But when you try to read in between lines you are time and again proved wrong. You take innocuous words seriously and add a new meaning to it according to your mindset.

Marriage is an intricate relationship with various characteristics needed to make it happy. One loose end unties your whole relationship. Mind reading is one such thread in your marriage and when you use it negatively it destroys your happiness. When you constantly mind read your spouse you assume the worst in him\her as you always imagine and decide the character of him\her as your prejudiced mood dictates.

© 2014 mathira

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