Mistakes women make in relationships: Common mistakes girls should avoid making
What are the common mistakes women make in relationships? The answers include mistiming commitment talks, becoming jealous girlfriends, tolerating selfish behavior out of fear of breaking up, expecting a guy to understand her, mistaking sexual chemistry for love and many other typical errors of judgment that lead to a breakup. This unbiased, slightly hard-hitting but realistic post discusses the everyday things that girls should avoid doing while dating a guy - for the relationship's happiness, and their own.
1) Mistiming conversations about love, commitment and life plans
Call it cute immaturity or call it a part of their personality, men are typically known to be more commitment phobic than women. This makes them afraid of any conversation that is centered around commitment or long term relationship issues while they are in the dating phase.
While this not should stop you from talking about commitment ever, you should wait for the right time to bring this topic up. There is no rule book on earth which can tell you the exact number of months or years to wait before you start talking about commitment with your guy. Here are some questions you should ask yourself before talking about commitment.
- Is he a genuinely nice guy
- How long have you been in a relationship with him
- Is he the type of guy you see yourself dating long term
- Are any of his habits a deal breaker for you
- Apart from the fun times and attraction, do you have a soft corner for him in your heart
Allow your relationship to mature to a stage where you can talk about anything without worrying about misunderstandings and unnecessary arguments. Timing is critical because if you talk about it too soon, you may scare him away and if you delay it for too long, he may take you for granted.
2) Mistaking sexual chemistry for love, commitment or strong emotional attachment
Girls can mistake good sexual chemistry as a strong emotional bond with their guys. If you are making the same mistake and assuming that good sexual compatibility is a sign of love and commitment from his side, you may be in for a rude wake-up call.
Love and lust are two totally different things. Lust generally follows love but it is not always the case the other way round.
3) Mistake of turning into jealous and possessive girlfriends
Men and women both are equally guilty of turning into jealous lovers in a relationship. Love literally knows no boundaries and it can pull a person into the deep trauma of suspicion, jealousy and possessiveness.
If you think that you are cramping up your boyfriend's life just because you get too jealous when he talks to girls or goes out with his friends, hold yourself back. Gather your thoughts and take a few days to calm down.
Being jealous unnecessarily may be an outlet for your never-ending love for him, but he will see it as nagging. It is a one way street to breakup, so don't make this common relationship mistake many girls make.
4) Tolerating a selfish boyfriend beyond a certain limit
It is difficult to draw the line when it comes to tolerating someone's selfish behavior, especially if that person if your boyfriend. Try to make him realize and get him to stop being selfish.
But if he continues his selfish streak without any signs of stopping, you must make a decision before you push yourself in the trap of being taken for granted. Don't mistake your guy's selfishness for immaturity.
5) Being pushed into domestication in a live-in relationship
You may have moved in with your boyfriend but it doesn't mean that you are supposed to behave like a caring wife and fuss over him all the time. For all practical purposes, you and your boyfriend are both expected to share each and every chore in the house when you are still in a live-in relationship.
Right from cleaning and cooking to vacuuming and laundry, both of you are technically on your own. Don't make the mistake of turning into the 'lady of the house'. It doesn't matter whether he has a job and you don't. If he wants you to take charge of the household, he should man up and propose.
6) Suffering abuse out of fear of losing love forever
Whether abuse is verbal, physical or emotional, no woman deserves to go through the pain of tolerating an abusive relationship. But some girls often stay on in such a relationship because they fear facing heartbreak and the risk of losing love forever.
Don't make this mistake and don't be under the impression that you will never be able to move on if you dump your guy. Whether your relationship is your first love or the umpteenth, nothing is worth facing abuse of any kind.
7) The mistake of becoming overly dependent on boyfriends
Girls can make the mistake of becoming overly dependent on their boyfriends. Dependency from this perspective doesn't simply mean emotional dependency. It applies to everything including depending on him to take you out on Friday night or depending on him to help you with problems you have with your friends.
Relationships are all about give and take. You are expected to depend on your boyfriend for support but excessive dependence can get out of hand. Don't make this mistake if you want to avoid annoying your guy and push him at his wit's end.
8) Comparing one's own relationship with someone else's
Her boyfriend took her out for dinner at the most expensive restaurant, why can't mine show me a good time too? Questions like these can bring a relationship to its knees because these thought arise from unnecessary comparisons with other couples.
Don't make this mistake of comparing your relationship to that of someone else. You and your boyfriend are two completely different individuals. Your behavior as a couple is not supposed to be similar to anyone else's.
9) The mistake of expecting him to understand all the time: Not voicing out your needs
Maybe someone has rightly said that men and women are wired slightly differently. Don't expect your guy to understand a woman's feelings all the time. If you want something or if you expect him to do something, say it out loud.
For example, if you think that your guy is too lazy and never bothers to take you out on fun dates, voice your opinion and tell him how you feel. If you don't, he may conveniently assume that you are okay with not being treated to a fun night out every now and then.
If you make the mistake of expecting your guy to understand you at every single step, you are going to end up hurting yourself emotionally. It is one thing to expect a man to give you a hug when you are sad but it is another to expect him to be a mind reader.
10) Making the mistake of giving a relationship priority over friendship
Men and women both make this common mistake that can worsen the depression after a breakup. No matter how beautiful your relationship seems right now, never make the mistake of ignoring your friends while you are dating.
If you breakup with the guy, he will conveniently walk away. And since you haven't been keeping in touch with your real friends, there won't be anyone to comfort you and cheer you up after breakup.
11) Loving a guy for what he can be: Trying to get him to live up to his inner potential
Expecting a guy to behave like someone he isn't is a common mistake women make in relationships. It is one thing to stop your boyfriend from doing something that can be bad for him. But it is another to get him to do things that he just isn't cut out for.
For example, if your boyfriend is shy by heart, you can only do so much to get him out of his shell. You can't expect him to become an extrovert. Becoming obsessed about it will ruin the happiness of your relationship.
Whether it is in studies, work or personality, stop thinking that you will be able to bring out your guy's true potential. He is what he is and if you love him for someone you hope he can become, maybe you are in love with the wrong person.
12) Flirting with other guys thinking that the boyfriend will be able to handle healthy flirting
The concept of healthy flirting outside the relationship is very tricky and highly subjective. Just because someone else is doing it, doesn't mean that you should do it too.
Make sure that your boyfriend is confident and a guy who is totally comfortable in his own skin. He will not be able to handle the pressure of looking at his girl flirt with someone else if he has the slightest of insecurity.
He may not voice out his frustration right away, but this will show in his behavior when his insecurity later morphs into suspicion and extreme levels of jealousy.
13) Assuming that he is not like other guys when it comes to physical intimacy
Just like how women value sweet conversations and cute cuddles, the value for physical intimacy in a relationship for men is priceless. Whether you have already had sex with him or your relationship is still new and hasn't gone beyond kissing, physical intimacy plays a major role in driving a man's ego.
Don't make the mistake of assuming that he isn't like other guys you have dated in the past. Physical intimacy is a crucial factor affecting your boyfriend's perception of your relationship.
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