Most Common Reasons For Divorce. One of Them is Due to Boredom.

love and making a relationship work.

When you first begin on your journey of marital bliss, the last thing you envisage is all the possible problems that may occur along the way. You see stretching before you a life of unbridled passion, mutual respect, love and companionship. However reality may soon start throwing a few curve balls at you and before you know it your relationship does not seem quite as idyllic as it once was.

As time goes by, people and circumstances change and not always for the better. After some years of spending so much time with the same partner, one or both of you can lose interest in what was once a healthy and solid relationship. Sometimes something you had been willing to tolerate, becomes unbearable or you find that instead of growing together you are growing apart.

Like anything a marriage takes work, compromise and acceptance of the others flaws, that's not to say that you should have to put up with something just for the sake of keeping the marriage alive or even for the sake of the children. What I am saying is that divorce is not something that divorce should not be ventured into lightly.

The average divorce costs over £30,000 and almost half of divorcees found themselves in a worse financial state as a result and nearly a third of divorcees said that they were sadder as a result of the divorce.

Hopefully you have not found yourself on the road to divorce and you are in a happy and settled relationship and If you want to keep it that way you may want to keep the following points in mind.

1. Cheating.

Around 40% of divorce procedures are filed on reason of infidelity.

Cheating is the number one most common reason for divorce. Trust and exclusivity are two of the most important elements of a successful relationship. Without them the very foundations of a relationship become shaky. Statistically men cheat more then women, but women are more likely to leave their current partner for the new squeeze. Also half of all infidelity cases are bought about because of the partner hiring a private detective or using a honey trap to catch their partner out.

If one partner has been cheating it does not necessarily mean that the relationship is doomed to failure. Many couples, have and do remain happy together, post an affair. Trust can be built again and marriages can and do survive infidelity.

2. Abuse.

Roughly a third of divorces are filed on grounds of abuse.

This includes physical, mental, emotional and verbal abuse. All of these in their various guises, destroy a person and erode a relationship. If someone is being hounded, beaten, bullied or teased on a consistent basis, they are not going to be happy and even if their self esteem has taken a serious dent, they will find the strength to leave, sooner or later. No one wants to remain in a relationship where they do not feel valued, loved, respected or are treated like a punchbag. It is also common to find that people who abuse their partners, also abuse their children.

3. Boredom.

Just under a third of divorce procedures are bought forward due to boredom.

We live in a society that is fast paced and full of distractions, gadgets, experiences and the Internet has opened our eyes to all manor of things that we probably would not have been exposed to before. We are living longer as a species and modern culture, especially western culture that now places very little value on longevity promotes doing lots of things for short periods of time, this seems to have bred a feeling of boredom in lives of some individuals. It is easy to see why people feel dissatisfied or listless about their marital life. At a time when everything is surplus to requirement, easily replaced and goes out of fashion almost as soon as its released, inevitably our throw away culture has extended into our relationships.

However a successful marriage can over come any of these obstacles by spending time doing activities and sharing experiences together, enjoying the time you spend together and building shared memories.. It's also important to spend some time apart indulging in your own interests and hobbies, as some time apart can give you both a welcome breather from each other. 

Source

4. Alcohol and drug abuse.

In just under a fifth of divorce proceeding drug and alcohol abuse was a major contributing factor.

Addictions and dependencies can take over a persons life and cause devastation and pain the those who are around the them. Addictions can cause conflict, financial hardship, mental problems while under the influence, as well as in the future and at it's worst it can lead to death. A habit or addiction is all consuming, it takes up time, resources and attention away from the vital areas that contribute to a healthy and happy lifestyle.

If addiction is a prevailing problem in your marriage, weather for you or your partner but you are not ready to quit your relationship just yet, there are ways to beat it. Spending time in therapy with a counsellor or psychologist will help you to get t the root of the problem and be able to advise you on steps you can take to over come it. Support groups and networks for victims of addiction can probably be found somewhere near you, you don't have to face it alone. There are also treatments, medications and centres that specialize in helping people dealing with addiction. Seeing your GP and explaining your problem will be the best place to start.



5. Disagreements over how finaces are managed and debt.

Just under a fifth of divorces are put down to financial disagreements.

Many a dispute erupts over money and not just the lack of it either, some couples find that their problems increase and things can get more complicated as finances improve. Similarly debt and financial struggle can cause just as much tension. If one has spending urges that are wildly disproportionate to another, resentment will probably be felt by both parties.

There needs to be clear discussions about what finances are saved and what are spent, substantial purchases should always be discussed and agreed by both. In some cases separate bank accounts could be a better idea then joint.

6. Lack of sexual relations.

Just under a fifth of all reasons given for the cause of divorce is due to not having enough sex in the relationship.

Sexual activities tend to be at their most frequent right at the beginning of a relationship, when feelings are being explored and the partnership is new, however typically this gradually declines in frequency and reaches a plateau after a few years. Many couples are content with a less vigorous sex life, they are still intimate with each other just not at a rate they once were. Unfortunately this scenario is not the case for everyone and one partner may find themselves frustrated with the lack of sex in the marriage.

There are a few solutions to this, that will satisfy each in the relationship. Firstly you do not have to practice full intercourse, pleasure and satisfaction can be bought sought through foreplay. It is also worth communicating your feelings and concerns, as your husband or wife maybe unaware of the disappointment being felt in this area. It is not a matter rested purely on faded attraction either, the deflated sex drive maybe down to time management, sleep, work, medical, self esteem or other problematic issues. That can more then likely be resolved.


7. Partners career took priority.

10% of divorce proceedings are bought about because of the importance one partner put on their career.

When one partner places priority on their career over their marriage, the home, work and life balance is thrown out of kilter and the marriage brought into contention. Although more money maybe bought in as work increases, time with your spouse will suffer and consequently could mean that your marriage could end up in trouble.

This problem will require a fair amount of compromise from both sides, the partner who wants to spend more time and effort on their career, will have to allot some time exclusively with their husband or wife, leaving the office influences away for that specific time. Similarly the other person in the relationship should encourage their partner in his or her work and will need to accept that some of their time will have to suffer, to ensure the they can fulfill their obligations to work. 

8. Hobbies

Just under 10% of divorces happen because the partner can no longer deal with being pushed aside due to the others hobbies.

The golf widows, the football widows and more recently the gaming widows, groups of individuals who all have one thing in common they lose their partners to their hobbies. Off they go, doing their own thing leaving their partners behind (again.) Some past times cost a lot of money, they can swallow up vast amounts of time and if one partner is relegated for the interests of the other, then their interest in the marriage may disappear.

This problem can be resolved but again it will take effort from both sides, the enthusiastic hobbyist may have to rein in their obsession, if their spouse is finding it of major detriment to the relationship. However if the partner had this hobby when you met them, then you will have to tolerate it to some degree and you can't really expect them to change a habit of a lifetime.

9. A life changing event.

1 in 18 divorces are filed due to the effects of a life changing event.

A death of a family member, a major illness or an unexpected event can all contribute to the end of a marriage. When something happens that it so enormous that it completely changes your life and the way you view the world, sometimes after a substantial amount of thinking and questioning, the answers that are found can lead to divorce.

A life changing event does not necessarily have to affect a marriage in a detrimental way, if it is worked through together with support and understanding, then it can actually bring a couple closer together. 

10. Gambling.

1 in 20 divorce claims are due to the partners gambling problems.

Gambling is not a problem if you only gamble what you can afford to lose, if you can stick to this principle gambling can be fun. However when it becomes an addiction and the finances of the family are suffering as a consequence then divorce could be on the cards. Gambling is not just a financial issue of course it is also a mental and emotional one. Gambling has many guises from horse racing and playing the lottery to bingo and roulette, however any form of gambling can easily get out of control.

Like with drug and alcohol issues, gambling needs to be tackled with support, understanding and treatment. A marriage can survive addiction and many have, but it takes considerable effort and support on both parties.

11. All attention given to children.

Likewise 5% of divorces happen because one partner feels that the other focuses to much on the children.

12. Empty nest sydrome.

less than 5% of divorce is due to one partner ending the marriage after the children have left home.

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Comments 13 comments

Christina 21 months ago

It's really great that people are sharing this inoofmatirn.


wrenfrost56 profile image

wrenfrost56 4 years ago from U.K. Author

Thank-you for commenting disturbia, I agree the basic principle is a lack of respect. Thank-you for sharing your personal story. :)


Disturbia profile image

Disturbia 4 years ago

I've had 5 husbands and been divorced 4 times and I can check off every single reason you mention in your hub. However, I've come to understand that almost all of these "reasons" are just symptoms. They are just different manifestations of the real underlying cause... lack of respect. It's like the elephant in the room that everyone sees but tries very hard to ignore. If you respect your partner, you don't abuse them, you don't cheat on them, you don't ignore, or neglect them, or set other things, activities, or persons above them, and you don't get bored with them. Those who struggle with addictions like alcohol, drugs, or gambling, not only demonstrate a lack of respect for their partner, but for themselves as well.


wrenfrost56 profile image

wrenfrost56 4 years ago from U.K. Author

Thank-you shea duane, I am glad to hear you and your husband found each other and are happy. :)


wrenfrost56 profile image

wrenfrost56 4 years ago from U.K. Author

Thank-you for your comment jaybaird22.


wrenfrost56 profile image

wrenfrost56 4 years ago from U.K. Author

Thank-you angela brummer, well done on your hub on stopping racism, it was very well written.


wrenfrost56 profile image

wrenfrost56 4 years ago from U.K. Author

Thank-you for your comment Robie2, 33 years is a long time, that must have been a difficult change for you after all those years.


shea duane profile image

shea duane 4 years ago from new jersey

Interesting info... I know so many women who put up with cheating or stay with an abuser because of money... My husband and I both had difficult childhoods, his because his father cheated constantly, mine because of alcoholism. We both need to trust each other and we do. I'm blessed. Also, I'd kill him and bury him in my garden if he cheated lol.


jaybird22 profile image

jaybird22 4 years ago from New York

Great hub and well written. Although I am not married, I enjoyed reading this! Great advice to keep on the forefront of my mind for the day I do get married.


Angela Brummer profile image

Angela Brummer 4 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

You are so right on here!


robie2 profile image

robie2 4 years ago from Central New Jersey

Interesting hub--It always amazes me how the same things crip up time after time in every kind of human relationship and give trouble. Not surprised at the abuse stats at all-- they dovetail with the booze and drugs stats and make a logical package. Never thought I would be divorced, but I was after 33 years of marriage. I'm part of that 5% that gets the empty nest divorce. I'm kind of surprised that that statistic is so low, but never mind. I greatly enjoyed this Hub and am voting it up and interesting.


wrenfrost56 profile image

wrenfrost56 4 years ago from U.K. Author

Thank-you for your comment sheepsquash.


Sheepsquatch profile image

Sheepsquatch 4 years ago from Springfield, MO

A third of divorces are partially resulted or fully resulted from abuses. I didn't know abuse rates were that high. That would mean that a sixth of all marriages have some kind of abuse if those estimates are correct.

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