Mothers of the Bride and Groom: Rules to Avoid Disaster!

The MOB and MOG need to have a good relationship throughout the wedding-planning process!
The MOB and MOG need to have a good relationship throughout the wedding-planning process!

Moms of Brides and Grooms Have Definite Rules to Follow

Recently I received an email from an AAWP member who asked me what to do in this situation: It seemed the mother-of-the-groom purchased her dress for her son's wedding and it was blue. Unfortunately, the mother-of-the-bride had already bought her gown--and guess what? It was blue, also. The MOB was furious and our consultant wanted a solution to the problem... (I'll get to that later, but first things first :-)

The most important person at a wedding, after the bride, is the mother-of-the-bride. She takes precedence!

For wedding happiness, the MOB and MOG must have good communication!
For wedding happiness, the MOB and MOG must have good communication!

Rules of Engagement...

After a couple becomes engaged, it is polite for the groom's family to invite the future in-laws to their home for dinner. The idea is to get to know one another (if they don't already) and to celebrate their children's engagement. This dinner should be a social gathering; there's plenty of time to discuss wedding plans at a later date.

When it does come to discussing the wedding, the MOG should discuss with the bride and her mother, her role. This will prevent any future disasters. For example, she may want to host a shower for the bride and the rehearsal dinner... and of course they should discuss the wedding's colors and what the MOB is wearing. The MOG should then ask her future daughter-in-law and her mother, what they prefer she wear. It should be discussed and an agreement reached.

* The guest-list for all pre-wedding parties and the wedding itself should be agreed upon by both parties, with budget limitations taken into consideration.

* The idea is to communicate and to be open and upfront throughout the wedding-planning process!

Wedding costs must be split proportionately, if all participants are financially able.
Wedding costs must be split proportionately, if all participants are financially able.

Wedding Costs: Split Equally for Success!

If both parents are financially able to split the wedding costs then they should, equally! The days of the bride's family paying for the entire cost are long gone. Weddings are too expensive! And I'm not leaving the bride and groom off the hook, either. If they're able to contribute, then they darn well should!

If the parents of the bride and groom are contributing equally, then naturally both sets of parents are going to have equal say in the decision making progress. However, the MOB and bride still take precedence when it comes to colors, the theme of the wedding, and what everyone is wearing.

If problems occur with the MOG, it's time for the groom to step in!
If problems occur with the MOG, it's time for the groom to step in!

When Things Get Out of Hand...

The problem I spoke about at the beginning of this Hub demonstrates a wedding that is out-of-hand. There was no communication between the parties, obviously, and the MOG did not give the MOB the respect and consideration that was due her.

In this case, the future groom would come into the picture. It's his mother and he should handle the problem. (The bride-to-be and MOB should stay as far from the fray as possible!) In this case, he would inform his mother that she would need to return her dress to keep the peace. A mom will take this advice from a son but NEVER from a future daughter-in-law, which is why when it comes to mothers and sons, it's best that the future groom handle the problem, alone!

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SEXYLADYDEE 6 years ago from Upstate NY

I agree with your statement and it's too bad these things aren't worked out ahead of time. It can end up causing the bride so much stress it ruins her ability to enjoy her day.

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