"My ex-Hubby Loved Me... But I Didn't Feel His Love"

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I was having a cup of Coffee at Starbucks, Iced Caramel Frappuccino to be certain, with a friend. Her name was Maxine. Actually it was sort of a blind date. The thing is... we were already in our 40's and there was 'plenty' of ideas to talk about. We sat by the window, and I was just looking into the traffic at 42st. She started talking seeing me all cool, and with a clear smile on my face.

"My life has been a roller coaster and haven't committed truthfully to any guy lately, until know... sorry for being honest. I follow my guts on this... I think you are a good listener Joseph." I was drinking my Frappuccino when I almost choked with the ice. Ops! She was laying things around too fast. But I was there to help her. Her friend Gina, Hooked us up, just to have an informal, no rush time; a nice time to say so, and she wasn't bad looking for 45. "Shut up! Kelly Umphenour!"

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Why Me?

I told her that my marriage ended in 2004 after trying counseling and other Christian meetings. "There was no way to go back," I told her.

"I hate men that after they know they have you, they tell you hurtful things and even command you to abide by his rules," she told me while she was looking for something from her chin down, huh? "Men rule society, " I replied. "We tend to follow our dad's rules and unfortunately some mom's support their sons."

She was surprise by my talking and suddenly kind of looked over my shoulder mesmerized to look for answers. She was already done squeezing and 'sucking' that Icy Java Chip Frappuccino of hers. I guess she was thinking and pondering what she heard from me. From my own lips.

"My ex cheated on my with my best friend(BFF), who lived two floors down in our Complex Condo. I made friends with her after our cats passed away on that same week, and I told her how happy I was with Steve. I even showed her our wedding Album.

One Morning I came back early from Work. Hubby wasn't interested in finding a job, and guess what?" she asked. "What?" I replied kind of guessing her answers. "I swear this is clear and honest truth!: I open my main door entrance, and went through the living room and I thought my hubby left the T.V. on with a porno movie. I went into the bedroom, and there they were!! This freaking asset old! was having intimacy with my best friend. Hell came into my fist in a second; I grabbed her, and pulled her to the bedroom door and started slamming her silly blond head with it." I didn't know if laughing was the right thing to do but I held back my Jim Carrey's smile. She was going town with her chatting.

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Stop! This Can make A Terrific Movie...!

"Do you think my ex came down from our master bedroom to apologize? He jumped on me and started kicking me all over. On that minute my love for him died. How could he...? huhh! The bitch left with her bloody nose threatening with call the Cops on me. Can you imagine? They should make a movie out of this story. Oh sorry Joseph why are you biting your lips?"

I didn't want to have my burst of laughter in front of her so, she could have (the wrong way) a piece of my humor with Mocha Frappuccino flavoring. Eww!

"That was horrendous," I said. "My ex Wife put me in jail as well, because I 'pushed her' out of the way, so I can stop a heated argument about the bills and run out of the house. 'You hit me,' She said, and... 3 hours later I was in jail because she lied." We decided to walk around Times Square and come back to that Starbucks Cafe. Now I know why she was fixing her blouse. She has two 'big reasons.' to make me understand her real intentions.

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Back At That Midtown Cafe...

I was glad she vented things out. At least the real her was in front of me. I wanted to kill Gina though. Maxine was exciting to say the less. And she didn't play.I felt as though the opposite attracts formula was being played. This time she wanted to pay my coffee and those 'banana nut' that I loved from my college years.

"My second hubby was jealous as hell. His family was from Yugoslavia, which made him Slovenian after it broke up. He was strong and was into Construction. But he was despotic and cold as hell. Three years before our divorce I had to fake those stupid orgasms. God forgive me! My mom who is resting in peace could've slap my mouth in a wink of an eye!" finished Maxine, while checking a nice high heel model on a Cab ad, that drove by and stopped on the red light for a a few seconds.

"I think, most women used to get into a relationship for security and... those financial needs," I told her while refraining of asking her bra size. Shut up Kelly! "I've seen lots of independent women though. They feel like they don't need a man anymore. I will have to join 'Wall-E' if we are left behind by women. "She started laughing like crazy. Even the cashier thought she was going to reprise another sultry poultry scene from, "When Harry Met Sally."

Maxine was making certain moves that only women know... but I never told her I worked at HubPages and I had learned certain body language red flaggers from sister AEvans, and sound advice from Martie C. and Maria Jordan. But I just played it all along -- like Tammy Tamicic suggested on FB.

The evening was wearing out, and we did feel better after this 'affair' Yeah, felt guilty because I felt as though I cheated on some fans, who wanted to have some coffee with me as well.

Some might have been laughing their assets off! But they were helping to increase my pennies from AdSense. I wanted to give a kiss on Maxine's cheek before leaving and she was bolder. practically sealed my lips softly. I blushed! Gosh! I wanted 'Sannel L' to help me out on this one, and probably Mary Hyatt could've waited for me outside, just to make sure I get back home safe. But I was 49 and I had to take it like a man. "Thanks for the evening Joseph and Yeah I'm 38DD," she said. "How did you know?" I asked intrigued. Was she my future... personal psychic?

"Just look at the 'number' with two D's on that napkin of yours. I'm old enough Joseph to know this game. And I want you to know this: If you want to see me again, just think of a sexy Russian roulette between your hands." She said it twice just to tease my mathematical mind and with some kind of .... never mind! That statement was puzzling me all night. But we decided to be friends and we kissed ourselves goodbye..!

Should they meet again?

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Comments 21 comments

Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Yes meet again only if you wife says okay...LOL.. You are too much my friend.. so funny.. I almost spit may drink out... laughing so hard.

sharing

Debbie


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Debbie this is a fictional story. Thanks for your support and..you are funny too! Lol!


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

I know it is fiction... just teasing Lord... LOl..


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

That is quite a life you lead my friend. LOL...I can hardly wait for the second chapter. Yes, fictional so you say, but rings very familiar to many dates I have had over the years. Great story Lord.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

Dates are so strange sometimes. This is very interesting and unique. I vote that they don't meet again unless fate brings them together again by some circumstance.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Billybuc, we are thankful to see you commenting on this piece. That 38 DD came from scratch literally. You made us laugh as well. Thanks for being such a cool friend.

@ Tammy that was a wonderful hint. Many couples met by chance and so many will, so we will see if they... they decide on a second date. Who knows!


LaThing profile image

LaThing 4 years ago from From a World Within, USA

lol, hilarious JD! Sounds familiar ...... Life is full of coincidences! JK

I agree with Debbie, meet only if your wife says OK.... lol

Enjoyed reading it......funny, Interesting, and voting up


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Hi LaThing,

This can be so real at times, that we cannot understand why so many couples just last forever and others don't. Life can be humorous as well. If you get a good laugh, then it was worth the writing. Thanks for your support.

Lord


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica

How disappointing that you only decided to be friends! I thought there was some chemistry there!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Cardisa,

Chemistry added to a phone call away can lead to second chances. People is just a click away for love. Hope they will meet in the future. We will see. The characters will come to me one night and say, "we are ready. Just write!"


Curiad profile image

Curiad 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

great story Lord, I am not sure on weather they should meet again....Guess it depends on if the "Gun" in the roulette game is a revolver or a semi auto?


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Omg! I'm rolling on the floor!

Lord - you write these and they are hilarious...I follow along and love the visuals - lmbo!! I do not think you should date this "ah hem" lady. Yeah, no, she's nuts! She bashed that other girls head in the door! LOL


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

A fun hub to be sure. Whether you travel that trail is up to you, but I think I would take a chance. She sounds like a cool cat. Who knows? She might be the one..Great write.Cheers


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

I was taken by surprise here. I wasn't sure if this was fact or fiction ;) Everything was so serious until you started mentioning hub pages, then I knew this was something different, with or without the 38DD!

Good job Lord. Lots of fun to read and ponder.

Voted up, funny and insteresting.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Curiad an Ak-47 would bring his hopes down. But I understand your comment: You are paying me back with another hilarious comment. You have your funny side and that is good; alughter is the best medicine.

@RHW Kelly, You are so..off the wall. I was laughing with your comments. When the bitch said, "I will call the police on you!!" Maxine answered: " Yeah!! Go ahead, and tell them why you were on top of my...ahhh! This asshole!" I was on the floor for the views of bashing and clapping!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Hahahaha Always Exploring, Will tell Joseph your point of view. A "cool cat?" Well with that eloquence of her, I thought inside of me... I know she can be catty when needed. How cool is that? Lol! But I loved your comment, being a woman. Where are the guys though? Any back up on this issue from the guys? Except Billybuc of course.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Mary, you mean to say.... you were framed by the title? I hope Effer doesn't get mad if she comments on this funny story. Thanks Mary! You made us laugh all along!


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and funny. I liked this. That woman was driving even me crazy as I was reading. You tell a story really well. Love the part where she's smacking the blond's head against the floor. lol Passing this onto FB.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Rasma,

That blond girl, should've know better, and keep herself at bay. Actually things like this happen and sometimes don't make it into the news due to embarrasment. I guess Joseph is not suppose to go back for a second blind date...that won't be so blind. Thanks!


kj force profile image

kj force 4 years ago from Florida

lord de cross.. Thanks to your story, I will never question my relationships with my ex's...6 to be exact...3 died from poisoning, 2 from trauma from blunt instrument and the last one disappeared from a fishing trip to Bahamas...I was never a suspect...

loved your story.....


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Wow KJ,

No wonder you have that Force! 6 ex hubbies that passed to a better life. I guess you were a wife who gave herself all the love. I do not think you are a suspect, but with those glasses I would be careful. Nice response to our hub! So seven should be enough?

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