My boyfriend has been staying over regularly, but is it too soon to give him a house key?

If you are asking this yourself this question you may not be ready for this level of commitment. Giving someone a house key can be particularly risky if their name is not on the lease or the mortgage, or if there is not a signed legal agreement. I am not trying to sound all suspicious here, but in this day in age you can never be too careful. Also, why would you want to give him a key if his name is not on the lease? Personally both of you should be responsible for paying the rent if he is staying over that much, and this could lead to problems down the line. Another thing to consider is what would your mom think about your giving a key to a boyfriend? I know that might sound corny, but I am one of those rare individuals that has an ubber close relationship with my mom, and she is my best friend really. I appreciate her advice, and I knew if she did not approve of this I would not do it. I am not saying you have to listen to your mother, but you really should consider her advice, or your family's advice, too!

Also, some women may ask themselves about giving their boyfriend a key because that makes it pretty real that they are have premarital sex. I personally think organized religion has put a little too many hang-ups on this one, but if your faith calls for abstinence before marriage a key may make it all too real that the boyfriend is staying over. Perhaps you are afraid family and close friends may find out if he has a key, which means he will have the freedom to come and go at times you are not home.

However, primarily most women may be asking themselves if they can give him a key because of the trust factor. How do you know he will not do something nefarious, such as change the locks on you, or steal your laptop when you are at work! Personally I would not give a guy a key unless he can have the financial and legal responsibility of putting his name on the lease. Only then can he have a key because he will be legally obligated to pay rent.  You may not feel this way now, but if the guy is at your house 24/7 you might want him to contribute a little.

Another important element to consider in giving out a key is whether you already have a roommate or not. Your current roommate may object to your boyfriend having a key, or even putting his name on the lease. If you do have a roommate have some decency to consider their thoughts on this matter, and being willing to move if they do not want you to give out a key, or for the boyfriend to move in. What you do in your own home is your business, but if you share a house you have to consider the wishes of others.

One parting thought, think long and hard before giving him a key. He should bring up signing a lease together on a new apartment if he really wants to get that close.

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Comments 21 comments

SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Barbara said:

6 minutes ago

One thing to remember is, it is easy to get someone to move in with you but, hard as all out doors to get them out.

Barbara

My response:

Thanks for the good point Barbara, but I had to take out your promotional links because these are not allowed on the hubs.


Just_Rodney profile image

Just_Rodney 6 years ago from Johannesberg South Africa, The Gold Mine City

I agree wit you, all you have to do is watch Judge Judy, et al and more of those TV judges to see that,

If it aint in black and white don't do it. It always turns to bite you some time down the line.

P.S In South Africa we are still receiving a lot of the reruns of Judge Mathis, Judy and whatever their names are, anfd ytje last lot I saw while bashing away at my keyboard have had this as there central theme.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hi Just_Rodney,

I have watched that program quite frequently also, and roommate themes come up quite often on there. Watching these shows can be very informative as it gives people good ideas about what they might not want to do.


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

A well written hub which gives a lot of thoughts. Thank you for bringing them up. Have a lovely Christmas


Nancy's Niche profile image

Nancy's Niche 6 years ago from USA

This is indeed a HUGE step and one that cannot be taken lightly. I agree with you, if the party is asking this question then she best listen to her gut instinct…Warnings ignored are many time, regretted! Have a very Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year!


ocbill profile image

ocbill 6 years ago from hopefully somewhere peaceful and nice

personally, and from experience it is not a good idea. religion aside not a good idea. however, this is more dependent on how long the relationship is?

a few months NO and NEVER NO. ; If 1 yr and a half or two and then it is considered a serious relationship. And did he lose his job or is in between jobs? a Triple NO.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hello, hello,

Thanks for your lovely comments.

Nancy,

Yes she should do what her intuition is leading her to believe. If she thinks maybe she should not give him a key, she is probably thinking this for a good reason. Merry Christmas to you too!

Ocbill,

Very good points!


Jess Killmenow profile image

Jess Killmenow 6 years ago from Nowheresville, Eastern United States

Locks are easy enough to change, but the whole question is do you mind him there when you're not. If so, than no key. If you don't mind him there when you're gone, then the key is not an issue. Smooth sailing to you, Sweetiepie!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Jess,

Locks are even easier to change when someone has a key to the door, thus my point. However, many people would be advised to have the boyfriend put his name on the lease rather than just hand over a key. Who you trust today could blindside you tomorrow, so it is always good to have a written contract for some protection. Besides any guy that likes her and who is staying over enough to warrant a key should be paying rent, that is the bottom line.


prasadjain profile image

prasadjain 6 years ago from Tumkur

Unless one prooves trustworthy by his/her sacrifices, it is not wise to hand over the key to our assets.After all, why should your boyfriend be there in your home, when you are not there?Distance is always safe, if it is not a marital commitment.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Prasadjain,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this issue.


Mike Lickteig profile image

Mike Lickteig 6 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

If it's time to hand him a key, you will know it without asking. The trust and love will be such that you will want him to have a key to your apartment. If you are unsure, it isn't time.

Equally important to consider is: what do you want in a relationship? Are you hoping to build toward living with a man, or do you want to be married, or are your wishes currently more casual? I guy doesn't deserve a key just because he's stayed over a few times. If it isn't what you want in a relationship, it doesn't matter how much he's there.

Just my opinions, of course....


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

I appreciate your perspective Mike! Thanks for sharing.


stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 6 years ago from Australia

Great advice, thanks for this Hub SweetiePie!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hi Stricktlydating,

Glad you enjoyed this hub!


Has_aWayWithWords profile image

Has_aWayWithWords 6 years ago from United States

he doesn't need a house key just leave the bedroom window open..lol


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Has_aWayWithWords,

Probably not a good idea to leave the bedroom door open :).


Has_aWayWithWords profile image

Has_aWayWithWords 6 years ago from United States

I said leave the window open not the door, lol put a lock on the door that keeps him in the bedroom, this way things get taken care of in the bedroom without putting the rest of the house at risk of any shady ideas he may have...lol


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Okay if people want to do that. Just think you might have a Prof. Gates situation on your hands if you are not home and they see the boy friend climbing through an open window. I wonder if he would enjoy explaining why he was doing that to the police LOL.


Has_aWayWithWords profile image

Has_aWayWithWords 6 years ago from United States

lmao..point taken. Give the poor guy a key. Just make sure he knows when to use it.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Yeah if he is going to all that trouble you might as well :). Not saying your idea is not inventive though :).

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