My wedding ring is NOT a fashion accessory

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Recently I had the uncomfortable situation of being hit on, as a married woman who wears her wedding ring. In the unavoidable situation of being at work, surrounded by colleagues and the others who use our office space. A professional environment. One of the people coming in and out quite regularly was making quite a point to talk to me. To say hello. Gave me a small token gift.

At this time I was renovating our house, and thought he didn't see the wedding band on its own. I made a point of putting my engagement ring on every morning, remove it to stop it from getting painted. He would make a point to stop by my office to say G'day and Goodbye. He didn't do this for any of my other colleagues. He tried to engage me in conversation in the hallway, entered my office when it looked like I wasn't busy to talk to me. It was stressing me out. I didn't know how to respond. I worked really hard on avoiding him and not talking to him.

Then he winked at me. I lost it. I felt sick to my stomach. I was floored. I didn't know how to respond. So I turned away from him until he left. When I recovered from feeling ill, I was infuriated. I reflected that every time I did respond to him, I used the we, as in me and somebody else. I didn't feel the need to tell him I am married, as my wedding ring is there in clear view.

In eight years I did not have the opportunity to learn how to say "no I am not interested" I wasn't particularly good at it while I was dating either, because I don't want hurt people's feelings.To tell somebody I wasn't interested was nearly a 3 hour conversation. That is another story.

Most people respect and acknowledge the ring so I don't have to have to have awkward conversations.

As I spoke with people about it, they told me that lots of people don't care. That to some its even a challenge. I shudder at the thought. It's disgusting.


What the wedding ring means to me - My Precious

The wedding ring is my precious symbol of our marriage. Its a complete circle and while I believe we should be whole people - that is another topic.

In the case of our marriage it symbolises unity, the unity we have, neither of use having anything over each other except love. No debt outstanding. The way we band together when times get tough. How we use both our strengths to make us as happy and healthy as we possibly can be.

My ring is also gold and shiny; Our relationship is gold and shiny too, most people who really know us will commend us on our relationship. As we are still two separate people, who love each other and work together on common goals. Gold and shiny is important in a symbolic sense, as I once had a copper ring that tarnished my finger turning it green, where it came in contact with the skin. My marriage doesn't tarnish me, in it I have grown and developed an even better sense of self. Been able to do so many amazing things because we have had each other.

While I wear it I know I am happy, with the place we are at, and the people that we are. That my husband is the only romantic love interest I have.

I believe marriage is supposed to be a safe place for both parties to be able continue to grow in their own right. Continue to develop their interests, and share a common purpose and goal together. To share the good things and bad things, triumphs and failures. To not be judged for petty things.

To have some one who completely knows you, the good, the bad and the ugly, but stills loves you - who doesn't have too.

Marriage is choosing to be on the same path; to be exclusive to each other.


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Comments 6 comments

Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 5 years ago from Hither and Yonder

Having been hit on many times over the years (even with large numbers of children in tow), I have found that many men just need an education. I find this especially when they are young (under 50).

For a while, my wedding ring did not fit right, so I did not wear it. I found that the flirting increased about three fold. It was only then that I realized how many men did do a wedding ring check. Do not be afraid to make a point of holding your ring in front of your face, as a guy is hitting on you. I've yet to have a guy not get the point.


Abbasangel profile image

Abbasangel 5 years ago from Australia - The land down under Author

Thanks Ivorwen! I did that when the guys selling tickets offered to take me out to lunch if I bought their tickets. They backed off quick smart.

I also did that with this guy and he still didn't get it!


Davorunner profile image

Davorunner 5 years ago from Australia

This is very good, very thoughtful and eye opening. You've made all your points clear, and I'm just realising now that for someone who does not want to hurt someone else's feelings when it goes beyond the "hey look I have a ring on - I'm married" then any steps needed after that WILL hurt YOU to make. This is because if they havent got the first clear message, then YOU will have to make it even clearer which does involve being hard, and possibly hurting their feelings. Which I personally feel is unfair on you also.

With me it's sometimes the other way around because I can be friendly to someone who I see is also friendly. We'll be having a harmless conversation and they'll throw in the "My boyfriend" line and I'll be like "Oh you thought I was hitting on you? This is just what I'm like in general - I'm not really interested" and I feel awful, they feel awful and well you couldn't cut the tension with a knife because it would make it blunt!!

Fantastic job on the hub! I think a lot of people can relate in some way or other!


Abbasangel profile image

Abbasangel 5 years ago from Australia - The land down under Author

Thanks Davorunner!! :)

I am only upset by persistent people. You should be allowed to talk to somebody who is in a relationship without feeling like they are suspecting you of sabotage however persistent unwanted displays such as giving gifts for no reason, winking and other forms of flirting...


Emmabaxy 5 years ago

Thank you so much for posting this. I've been wondering this same matter all week. I was recently hit on by a member of my company's board. A person I've know for years and never in a million years expected would ever hit on me. He even went to talk with one of my friends about me and she is a great friend and warned him that I am married. She also said that my husband and I are her good friends. He still ignored this warning from my friend and hit on me anyhow. At first I found it weird and then his follow up incidents just made me feel really icky. Like you I become quite angry that I was acting in a professional manner and he refused to respect me as an employee, a professional and as a married women. It also made me angry as it was such an offense to my marriage and my family, as we have children. Thank you and it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one.


Abbasangel profile image

Abbasangel 4 years ago from Australia - The land down under Author

Thanks Emmabaxy, its an insult to the commitment and family you have!

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