Diary-October 25, 2012

Dear Diary,

It's a lazy Thursday. The rain is nonestop from morning until this afternoon. I already feel so sleepy. For sure if I close my eyes, I will suddenly be fall asleep.

Peer pressure. My teammates/friends always ask me, "when are you going to have a boyfriend? What's your plan?." Hmmf, when will they stop asking me that? I have my own plan in my life and it doesn't include being into a relationship right now.

I once told one of them that, stop me, I might get married first before you.

I have my own reasons of not being into a relationship. One is because I still have responsibility to my family, second is because I am already so sick and tired of being dependent and last is because I want to fulfill my dreams in life first.

I have not yet experienced how to be independent. From the start, I was always guided and told on what to do and what should not, was always defended, was always cared and avoided from any form of pain, and was always guarded. I was always showed so much love. It sounds perfect right? Yes, but for me, it was as if I was kept in a shell.

The perfect result of it is that I grow diciplined and act decently. I am sure that noone would have the reason to insult me because I am aware of my actions and words. It also made my perspective in life clear and valuable, most importantly, it made me become a mature person who can easily distinguised what's right or wrong.

But, all of these were just based on what I was avoided to experience and now, I want to test myself on how will I become with noone to protect. I know that until now, I am not yet fully detached from my family because of a responsibility but once I'm done with it, I don't have plan to have another guardian in a form of boyfriend. I want to live an independent life while gaining lessons from experience.

I'm starting to see the world outside my shell by slowly taking small steps each day. On the day that I finally step in the big world, I will bring with me the pride and dignity that was instilled to me by my parents.

And lastly about the boyfriend issue, I deserve perfect! who will appear and I'll meet in a perfect time. ;)

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