My Head Spun

 

You asked~

I agreed~

As I was naïve with glee.

You set the tone~

Together we were~

As I yearned in vain~

You continued to keep me~

Your words inevitably burned~

Simultaneously sending me roaming~

Confused questionably free.

My Head Spun~

Between loss, passion, and love~

As you baited the pointed hook~

I was mislead~

From the start.

My heart was innocent, oblivious~

For a treacherous snare~

Me sincere~

As I could tell you also were eventually in love~

I like to think caught maybe unaware once star struck.

My head spun~

You hooked me deep~

Candles, dinners, wine came~ and went.

Nights of giving, concern and care spent.

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My head spun~

Yet I can only guess~

Your fears would keep not consistent~

Our relationship maimed~

You now resistant.

Laughter, tears, holding back and~

My punctuating fears racked.

My head spun~

As you reeled me~

While my loyalty was~

Inequitably given freely~

As you played with the line~

Myself wanted to believe~

Fairytales could come true~

Oh how I begged for truth!

My head spun~

As your hook stung~

Your life style a blithe~

Your shame still could not~

Fix your want as you have~ won~

What seems like~

Only now your extra fun.

My head spun~

As your actions deceived your~ words~

They not worthy of my valued~ aptitude~

Your guilt could not mend your~

stupitude.

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My head spun~

As you let out the line~

My love never waned~

Yet grasped onto air bubbles that came to nil~

With waves faltering my heeding dives~

I was yours trained~

Until~

I shall die.

You shattered my heart~

My emotions left with hallowed breaks~

And Healed shards each time~

In your careless fake wake.

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My head spun~

Against my wishes~

Repeatedly reeled and~

Released all my~

Scattered pieces.

Conveniently for your selfish indulgences and~

Inadequacies~

I am not~

I am sure unlike~

Other fishies.

Most certainly you caused me continuous woes~

As your excuses many flagrant~ needed to grow and~

Grow.

The years went by as you were able~

To keep me a dangle~

My purpose faded.

Your apologies many, empty~

Using every which~

Angle~

You kept me in~

A merciless tangle.

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My head spun~

Only because my heart is true blue~

Romantic, dedicated, sincere and~

Never having known abuse.

I sensitive, special reaching to~

Be kept safe~

Craving endearment~

Wanting only to be fed renewed~

By your commitment~

To my grave~

Maybe you were never capable~

I think some where inside~

I really knew.

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Your hook laced with a harsh~ poison.

Possibly I pray~

You could not had known~

How a person like me could~

Love so unconditionally~

Or you would not had done~

What you have sewn.

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My head spun~

In fear of your calls~

My head spun~

When you called not at all.

My body has shook~

As you toyed with my heart.

My head still spins~

As years have passed~

More than I care~

To remark.

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The Ocean has been wide turbulent ~

At times lonely~

And boring rent.

Many fish in the sea.

Alone confused~

Other fisherman foes~

I fought~

As they tried also with~

Deception to take charge~

The lead.

I can not be blamed as~

I was tricked and taught~

By you as the ultimate~

Performing steed!

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Of course the waters hold~

My kind~

Sweet Aquatics too~

But you have seen to it~

You spoiled and dulled their hooks butt good!

Using your cunning selfish~

Wisdom you tow~

As you along with my heart ~

Masochistically hurting~

Me and Thine self~

Filling your plate (not mine) ~

You deny for an inevitable~

Judgment day~

That will lye.

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My head spun~

As Consistently~

My love stayed~

The same.

While yours?

Who really knows?

It is you I blame.

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The older we grow~

My heart almost patient now~

Still foolishly, not controlled~

Candidly holds and bows.

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My head spins~

Relentless, hopeful, enabled, and needy.

While I fantasize enchantment~

And faith in you~

As you are undeniably~

Head strong~

And greedy.

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My head spins~

As I dangle with much rebuke.

I pray your core morals~

Raise and within are stayed.

This all you must know~

You can not possibly dispute.

No matter the favors~

You bestow~

They do not make up~

You placing the hook~

Unworthily keeping me~

Bottomed, stifled, alone~

Saddened, and lifelessly low.

My head spins~

Still as lovers come, and go~

My heart against my wishes~

Waits still as your expert skills~ fish~

Leaving what could had been~

A miss.

And still~

I love you so.

My head spins~

To this day~

As I submerge, and jump~

My true, complete dedication~

Attributes cursed as they betray my inner self.

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Spitting, criticizing the true~ Unyielding purity~

What should be good~

Now for you wasted useless relentlessly.

 

Looking to the years gone by~ fast~

Of your playmenship~

My head spins~

And has spun~

Caring till the line's~

Last end has passed.

By Lisa Luv

(Lisa J. Warner)

Copyright@LisaLuvLLC

10/8/2009

AllRightsReserved

By LisaJ.Warner

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Comments 9 comments

tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 7 years ago from South Africa

Great words and images. Thanks for sharing. I don't think I have ever seen a Hub with 67 illustrations - must be some kind of record!

Love and peace

Tony


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

Great poem - the hurt comes through so raw and poignant - and you've chosen your pictures so well!


JamesBenjaminJrMD profile image

JamesBenjaminJrMD 7 years ago from USA

Beautiful!


Lisa Luv profile image

Lisa Luv 7 years ago from Conneticut, USA Author

Thank You Guys ~

It definetly was a hum dinger from down deep and within...

I suppose God puts us through things like this because>>>>>>> well maybe so we can write about them! LOL

Tony as you can tell I love visuals...

Aagin Thank You all for visiting! PURE LOVE HUGS TO ALL!


maven101 profile image

maven101 7 years ago from Northern Arizona

Lisa...You have written a raw, painful diary that speaks to love unreflected, and a love caught in the net of deceit, yet unwilling to let go...Why..? I guess I will never understand women and their tragic stubbornness to continue a relationship that brings a little joy but tons of pain and regret...Nicely written with candor and heart, and not a little pain...Thank you for sharing this...Larry


Lisa Luv profile image

Lisa Luv 7 years ago from Conneticut, USA Author

Larry- therapy- and it has to come out not only for me but others...Now realize I can reach down deep for this, but it only is a segment of my life weathering or experience, and as I said and you know I am not alone. It is a girl thing. LOL As well as it is of many men things too that we are afflicted by indecission & deciet before we can know what hit us. There are lots of fish in the sea but few and far between in these days to be worthy of good core values.

But we do eventually move on hopefully not to the same complex controlling personalities.

If it bothered me overly much I could not write of it, and it would still be waiting to heal on the shelf.

Thank you Larry for your visit and your always welcomed comment.


jacobkuttyta profile image

jacobkuttyta 7 years ago from Delhi, India

Beautifully written with appropriate pictures.

Great hub.

Thanks


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK

Very touching Poem, Lisa.

((Hugs))


Lisa Luv profile image

Lisa Luv 4 years ago from Conneticut, USA Author

Thank You Lady_E~~~Sending you lavender soothing light.

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