Nagging Wife and Sloppy Husband

Nagging wife and Sloppy husband

Her husband is less concerned.
Her husband is less concerned. | Source

Nagging Wife and Why She Nags

Nagging is irritating and it is poisonous in a relationship especially in marriage. There is a saying that goes ‘there is no smoke without fire” and when you think about it, it is true. Before a wife start nagging, there must be something that triggers it, so far she is not insane; she has a reason for nagging.

Husbands tend to feign innocent when there is a talk about nagging. However, if a woman is nagging verbally, it means that somehow, her husband is nagging her emotionally but he might not understand it as nagging.

There are various reasons, which can provoke a woman to nag, and some of it are listed below:

Lack of attention

Apparently, women crave for attention, just as children crave for food. Women desired men who gives them the necessary attention they need without having to ask for it. It amazes me when some men started asking, what does women want? It is very simple; women need care, love, affection and attention. She is not saying that you should sit at home and nurse her like a baby, she is just saying please notice every details about me and I will be happy. For instance, complimenting her when she change her hair style, when she puts on new dress, when she cook your favorite meal, when she do something nice in the house.

Conversely, and you do not notice anything she does, you don’t care if she is in a bad mood or going through an emotional trauma, you don’t even notice when she is ill and when she cannot bear it any longer, she would want to express her concern, a nice woman would approach her husband in a pleasant manner. ‘Darling, you didn’t even notice that I have changed my hair, you didn’t notice that I changed the bedcover, you didn’t notice that I wasn’t feeling fine since yesterday? etc. These few states could be overblown if her man failed to come up with something like; ‘oh, I am sorry, I have been too busy and stressed out these days to notice, thanks for changing the bedcover, thanks for taking care of the house etc. However, when her husband snubbed being sensitive to her yearnings and goes like; it’s nothing new, I know you would finally change the bedcover, it is your work, or do you expect me to do that for you? Ultimately, you are looking for trouble, you just succeeded in infuriating her more and more. Those statements may sound clever, self-satisfying but it in a long run, it does not do any good in your relationship therefore should be avoided unless you do not desire peace in your relationship or marriage.

Meanwhile, you don’t just say it and ignore her again in the future, you should try as much you can to remember to compliment her and thank her for those little things she does for the kids, and for you, it goes a long way in strengthening her to do more. Men who complain that their wives nags are mostly those who have failed in appreciating and complimenting their wives.

Lack of communication

Couple who ignore each other cannot communicate.
Couple who ignore each other cannot communicate. | Source

Poor Communication among Couples

In every relationship, communication is very important; its significant cannot be overemphasized. It is a life wire to every relationship. But when there is infringement in communication, trouble abounds. When there is change, in your office or meeting schedule, you should at least alert your partner, so that he or she would be aware of why you came late or why you would be late. If you fail to communicate with your wife or husband why you would be late, you are inviting nagging into your relationship, because women generally does not tuck in their feelings without letting them out and on the process, it would be tagged as ‘nagging’. It is always easy to judge women when they start nagging than finding out why they nag.

Source

Untidy husband

Some men does not know how to keep their environs clean, imagine a man who came back from work or from his business place. He enters the house, in the sitting room, he removes his tie and dump it on the couch, his suit or shirt on the sofa then he goes inside his bedroom and dump his pant on the bed. The next morning, the same man who does not know where to keep his clothes when he comes home would go to the wardrobe and take another clothe and put on, I think its odd.

How would his wife feel, I mean she spend so much time to keep the house in order. She can only endure for a few periods before she would voice out. As you know women cannot keep something inside for very long without expressing it and when they express it, it then turns to nagging. What stop him from keeping the clothes he wore previously inside the laundry basket or bag, to save the poor woman the stress of picking up clothes, which are scattered all over the place.

Nagging wife and sloppy husband

horrifying sight of untidy house.
horrifying sight of untidy house. | Source

Nagging wife and Sloppy husband

Do you think too much complaining is also nagging?

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Nagging wife and sloppy husband

18 comments

Benny01 profile image

Benny01 16 months ago from Lagos, Nigeria Author

DDE, you are right, the ability to strike a balance in every aspect in a relationship is a good way to go so as to avoid being nagged. Thanks for your comment.


DDE profile image

DDE 16 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

No two people can be the same and often one is blamed more than the other. Skills like you have mentioned should be practiced to make life easier to cope with from both sides.


Benny01 profile image

Benny01 17 months ago from Lagos, Nigeria Author

Glenn, you made interesting points there, attention and communication are two crucial ingredients to the sweetness of every relationship.

Honestly, 95 percent of women crave so much for attention. Though she may not tell you about it to void being a nagging wife or girlfriend.

I am happy that you have been able to find out what the problem in your friend's relationship is and I hope he would listen to your advise as breaking up is not the solution. Keep me posted, you are blessed.


Benny01 profile image

Benny01 17 months ago from Lagos, Nigeria Author

Glenn, you made interesting points there, attention and communication are two crucial ingredients to the sweetness of every relationship.

Honestly, 95 percent of women crave so much for attention. Though she may not tell you about it to void being a nagging wife or girlfriend.

I am happy that you have been able to find out what the problem in your friend's relationship is and I hope he would listen to your advise as breaking up is not the solution. Keep me posted, you are blessed.


Benny01 profile image

Benny01 17 months ago from Lagos, Nigeria Author

Glenn, you made interesting points there, attention and communication are two crucial ingredients to the sweetness of every relationship.

Honestly, 95 percent of women crave so much for attention. Though she may not tell you about it to void being a nagging wife or girlfriend.

I am happy that you have been able to find out what the problem in your friend's relationship is and I hope he would listen to your advise as breaking up is not the solution. Keep me posted, you are blessed.


Glenn Stok profile image

Glenn Stok 17 months ago from Long Island, NY

I have a married friend who is not getting along with his wife. They are thinking about breaking up and he tells me things that are going on.

But I see through what he tells me and I realize that she is not the main problem. I told him that what I noticed is that they lack two things, communication and attention. He needs to pay more attention to her and they both need to communicate better. Your hub makes it clear. The way I see it, nagging can sometimes be due to the need for attention.


Benny01 profile image

Benny01 18 months ago from Lagos, Nigeria Author

Jpcmc, you just mentioned two important points, which are communication and understanding. With communication in place, even if you argue, some how because you understand each other you would reach an agreement and as a result of that, your wife would never nag!

By the way, you are lucky to have a wife who does not nag. Thanks for your wonderful comment.


jpcmc profile image

jpcmc 18 months ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

I remember the first few years of being married. It was a huge adjustment. but what is important is the communication between my wife and I. The give and take also goes a long way. We all have our quirks and adjusting to them can be difficult. But with a little understanding we can manage things.

I'm just happy that my wife does not nag.


Benny01 profile image

Benny01 18 months ago from Lagos, Nigeria Author

Very true, it becomes harder to separate after investing emotionally. Putting sex aside at the initial stage of a relationship would be a good idea but men are the ones that would pressurize women for sex, and after bounding and all that, breaking up after discovering some kind of 'sloppy' attitude becomes difficult. Thanks for the link, I will check it out.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 18 months ago

You're right it would be so much easier to choose a mate if everyone was transparent. Until that day arrives it's best to assume you can't buy into the traits of anyone during the first 3-6 months of a new relationship. Odds are they're acting on the best behavior, doing and saying things they believe you want in order to score points with you.

After you've emotionally invested in them they reveal their "authentic selves" because it's harder to break away after you become attached. This is also one of the reasons why some people hold off having sex.

Once there's an emotional investment if the sex turns out to be disappointing you're like to stay and "try" to work on it.

Otherwise if you knew early on you'd walk out instantly!:)

The book is available on Amazon in paperback or Kindle download http://www.amazon.com/Cat-Wont-Bark-Relationship-E... Best wishes!


Benny01 profile image

Benny01 18 months ago from Lagos, Nigeria Author

@dashingscorpio I just wish that people are transparent, it won't be difficult to chose the right mate. Choosing a mate is like choosing from a wrapped parcel, whatsoever you open, you either you learn to enjoy it the way it is or do away with it. Thanks for your educative comments I appreciate all of them. By the way I would love to read your book 'My Cat Won't Bark', it seems interesting.


Benny01 profile image

Benny01 19 months ago from Lagos, Nigeria Author

@Frank thanks for stopping by and for your comment, I appreciate.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 19 months ago

Very true!

A lot of folks have buyers remorse!:)

I suppose it's human nature for people to bend over backwards to impress one another during the "infatuation phase".

Which is why I'm a fan of 2-3 year courtships prior to marriage.

Generally speaking people tend to relax when there is an "emotional investment" or they feel "secure". We treat "the new" better than the "tried and true". You see this in just about everything.

Someone gets a new car and the first thing they tell their friends is:

"No eating, drinking, or smoking in my car!" They wash and wax it every weekend as well as get it detailed every six months.

Five years later you see the car and it's got an inch of dirt on the body and the inside looks like a grenade went off!

An unemployed person finally gets a new job. They show up for work everyday on time and never call in sick. After the 90 day probation period is done they come into work one day 20 minutes late. A co-worker makes a comment about it in passing. He/she replies by saying:

"They're lucky I showed up!" LOL!

I always tell students who take my classes;

"The same thing it took to get your baby is the same thing it's going to take to keep them."

A few years ago I wrote a book titled:

My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany)

The focus of the book was to get people to make a conscious effort to choose their "ideal mate" rather than dealing with the drama and stress that comes with trying to get someone to change.

Just as it's unrealistic to expect a cat to bark it's unrealistic to expect your mate to change. People only change when (they) are unhappy. :)

Have a wonderful day!


Benny01 profile image

Benny01 19 months ago from Lagos, Nigeria Author

Lol..... your last comment is funny but its true. I understand what you meant but the problem is that some people are good at pretending to be what they are not during courtship and when you end up marrying them, they would show their true colour in that situation the other person would end complaining and nagging.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 19 months ago

Benny01, What you've stated is often said by many folks.

"......in order for it to work the two people involved need to learn to give up on some habits which your partner complains about especially when its not a good one." Who decides which habits are not good?

Having said that I've found when someone is "in love" with you they don't have to (learn) to give up anything. They (want) to! And vise versa!

If you're "in love" with them you don't attempt to change them.

However my main point is if something really bothers me about you then I should do us both a favor by not choosing you for being my mate!

Lets say I was at a cocktail party and I met this beautiful woman. We had a lot in common, our conversation flowed easily, we laughed a lot, and flirted with one another. After a while she asked to be excused for a few minutes to go outside and smoke a cigarette.

Now lets assume I hate being around cigarette smoke, dread the thought of kissing someone whose breath tastes like an ashtray and I hate the odor of it in my clothes as well as the sight of cigarette butts laying around.

Would you not agree it would be a mistake for me to pursue a relationship with this woman? Although I may consider smoking an unhealthy habit and the research indicates it can cause cancer; clearly she (enjoys) smoking!

It would be insane of me to move forward with her having the intention of getting her to stop. I can't visit her and tell her not to smoke in her own home!

If I married her she could tell me; "You knew I smoked the day we met!" The same hold true about the sloppy husband. It's highly unlikely it was a "neat freak" throughout their whole courtship and became sloppy after exchanging wedding vows.

If being "neat and orderly" is a (must have) for someone then the onus is on that individual to make sure they choose a mate with this important trait.

Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!


Benny01 profile image

Benny01 19 months ago from Lagos, Nigeria Author

Dashingscorpio I think you are right its either we learn to live with what we have or we move on. But a relationship is all about give and take and in order for it to work the two people involved need to learn to give up on some habits which your partner complains about especially when its not a good one. I appreciate your feedback as always.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 19 months ago from Shelton

Oscar and Felix.. LOL a different hub here for me.. the wife doesn't nag

when she is alone and it's not a sloppy place when the husband is alone.. now try to meet in the happy middle.. great hub nonetheless


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 19 months ago

The purpose of "nagging" is to get someone to "change" their behavior.

However there are very few men walking around with one arm raised in the air screaming: "I'm looking for a woman to change me!"

Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

If a wife for instance doesn't want a sloppy husband then she should make sure she doesn't (choose) a sloppy man.

The goal of any mate selection should be to find someone who (already is) the kind of person you want to be with! Unfortunately people welcome the challenge of trying to change other people's behavior.

Whenever we attempt to change someone it usually leads to frustration on our part and resentment on the part of our mate.

The majority of people want to be loved and appreciated for who they are.

There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as is or move on. The choice is up to us!

One man's opinion!:)

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