I am writing to you to ask you for your help. I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now. I want to be sensitive to her needs and I want to be a good and supportive boyfriend and lover. The problem is this. When we start to fool around as soon as I touch her nipples she pulls away and tells me to stop. It puts an end to the mood. I don't really know what to do. Is this common? Can you give me any advice?
Thank you for your time.
There could be a couple of different things going on here. And I have some ideas to share with you, and some advice you can try.
Some men and women experience overly sensitive nipples due to a concentration of nerve endings. Your girlfriend may have too much sensation in that area. This would render her unable to enjoy your caress. This isn't your fault.
But the bigger problem isn't the physical here, its your lack of communication. Instead of smacking your hand away or just saying "stop", your girlfriend should be communicating with you. Ask her what she's experiencing. Ask her too suggest another erogenous zone she enjoys like her neck that you could tickle or stroke to bring arousal during foreplay.
If every time you touch her in a certain spot she tells you to stop, then stop touching her there. Your touching that area without trying to talk to her about it first could be exactly why there is a dialogue breakdown here.
If oversensitivity turns out to be the problem, I have a suggestion. Even people with the most sensitized of nipples can usually handle their own touch. You could ask her if she could gently touch her own nipples while you watch. Maybe you could even put your hand over the back of her hand while she does it. Even though you would not be touching them directly, you'd still be touching her. This should be an incredibly intimate and sensual thing you can share together. It could be wonderful for her because it represents your patience, your thoughtfulness, your ability to listen to her, and your desire to please her. Even if she only wants to do this for a few seconds, its still an act of trust and should bring the two of you closer.
Peter, it is possible that there's more to this. For one thing, maybe this is a symptom of a medical problem. If this sensitivity hasn't always been there, she should consult her doctor. Something as slight as a change in birth control pills could help. And maybe something as big as a mammogram is in order. It's best to be safe than sorry in these situations.
Another possibility is that maybe someone hurt her once there. Maybe it wasn't on purpose, maybe someone was just rough and insensitive, and she has that knee-jerk reaction to not let that happen again. As her boyfriend you need to know any hang ups or issues she has about the different aspects of love making.
Even though this is just one small part of foreplay, which is only a part of love making, it is important. You said it kills the mood. You have to dialogue about this. You have to talk to her about what's going on and find out what you can do together as a couple to move forward. Even if the outcome of the conversation is that this one area is going to be hands off, at least it's an answer. You'll need to respect her on this. You won't try to touch them and she won't say stop, and hopefully eliminating that tense moment will create a smoother flow in your foreplay.
Thanks for this question. Good luck to you both.
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