Nursing Home Reflections

Dedicated to my Mother..RIP mom.I miss you.
Dedicated to my Mother..RIP mom.I miss you.

I sit in the stiff chair, the sides pushing into my legs, slowly crushing them into numbness. I sit perfectly still so as not to wake her, this angel, my mother, asleep on the bed that offers no relief from the pain she endures. Even in sleep she cries out and mumbles into the darkness.
Sounds flutter across my senses, a reminder that she is not the sole owner of agony. The man across the hall, crying out for anyone to douse the searing flames of hurt that attack him, desperation in his pleading voice for relief. There is none. The nurses have given all the medicine they can, and then closed the door trapping him in his own private hell.


In the same room with my mother, I hear the lilting voices of an African family speaking their native tongue. I can see their bright colorful clothing, a cheerful clash against the bleakness of the room. The music of their voices is interrupted at times from the tears and ragged gasps of their own loved one who like my mother cannot walk .I cannot begin to imagine the emotional pain of these two women, my mother and her roommate that have walked and run and used strong legs their whole lives to care lovingly for generations of family ,only to now lie on a bed dependant on everyone else for every single need .I am crushed by the realization that as horrible as their cries are from the physical pain, that they pale in comparison to the emotional pain they feel in this new prison placed upon their bodies.


So like a hospital in that there are medicines, and meals brought in. There are wheelchairs and hospital beds and the vases of forlorn flowers that seem to know that the powers of their blooms are lost in the blur of activity created just to have the energy to hope. One thing is missing and it is with much relief I identify the missing thing as the smell of death. For this is not a place to die. This is a place to learn to live again. To will shriveled limbs into some kind of slow dance with physical therapy so that they might someday dance alone again. It is a place where proof of healing is seen in the sight of wheelchairs being propelled by once useless feet, of men and women in a slow gait control steps with a cane or walker thankful that they have a gait at all.

She stirs looks over to see that I am still there and then drifts to sleep again safe in the knowledge that she is not alone..I have discovered at last in my reflections from my
chair side seat that the greatest gift I can give my mother is myself.
I am an unlikely gift, a lumpy package crushed into the wrapping of my chair, but filled with love unending for the woman that gave me the greatest gift of all...my life.

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This was written as my mother was undergoing physical therapy and treatment for lung cancer.  It was discovered after I wrote this(no thanks to the nursing home) that the cancer had spread to her bones. My mother left that nursing home a final time (against their wishes) because I went over their head to call an ambulance. She passed the next day so the last thing I was truely able to give her was myself sitting beside her and just being there for her and loving her.

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Comments 3 comments

katyzzz profile image

katyzzz 7 years ago from Sydney, Australia

Absolutely beautiful, sadly my mother has passed on, I loved her, I miss her, yours has a lovely daughter, so divine, bless you my child and that rose is as lovely as you and your feelings and understanding of your mother and those around her, well done


cwhiting profile image

cwhiting 7 years ago from Columbus,Ohio Author

Thank you.I am sorry to hear about your mother. ((hugs)) Mine passed on too not too long after that day.I know how much it hurts.That was almost two years ago and I miss her everyday but yet we will always carry them with us in ways until we are together again.


Cherie 6 years ago

Hello, I'm searching for nursing related blogs like mine http://nursingcrib.com and I stumbled your site, nice blog!. I hope you could also include me in your blogroll.

By the way, you have a very good writing skills here. Keep up the good work.

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