On Your Level
On Your Level
Okay I hate to put it out there but it has to be said. Now first let me throw out the disclaimer that there is nothing wrong with trying to improve your status in life. But there is a far difference between improving your status and operating out of your element. Pay attention to your surroundings and don’t aspire to do better but bring lower class ways to the new environment.
What am I talking about? Let me give you several examples.
Example: You move to a nice neighborhood which is priced nicely. You move in and now every time you’re headed to your house in the subdivision people can hear you approaching ten miles away because your music is that loud. If everyone’s quiet in the neighborhood, that doesn’t mean that we need you to make it live. If you don’t want to stay in the hood you shouldn’t bring the hood with you to the new environment.
Example: You move into a nice neighborhood of manicured lawns and decent vehicles. Now you move in/rent and now you have broken down vehicles parked on the lawn and you mow your grass once every 3 months. Why would you want to find a nice community and be the one to mess it up?
Example: You move into a neighborhood and you let your Bebe kids run all over the place, throw trash on other people’s lawn, and tear up other people’s flowers and plants. Again, why mess up the environment?
Example: You join a professional organization. Everyone dresses like professionals and everyday you come in looking raged. Why? Do you not see that no one else is dressed inappropriately like you? Budget is no excuse. Wal-Mart sells pants and lined suits.
Example: How about going out to dinner? You go to some fancy restaurant and view the prices on all your menu choices. You place your order and now at the end of the night you sit there ten minutes acting like you can’t do simple math when the check comes. You knew what you ordered before and the establishment you chose to visit. TIP appropriately as well. Why would you have dinner that comes to $80 dollars and then want to tip $5?
Example: You go out to dinner at a nice restaurant. A man shows up in a baseball cap, jeans, sneakers and slouches in the booth the entire date. A lady shows up in a tight dress that barely covers her behind and her entire chest exposed with platform stripper shoes. I wonder……………….do they look around them and say……..I’m not dressed anything like anyone else in this restaurant?
All I’m saying is that while you want to upgrade make sure you present yourself as a person who is capable of functioning in that atmosphere. If you need to go online and research etiquette……..do it. Knowledge is power and often free.
MEN: With regards to attire, while we may look youthful that does not mean that you are young. I can’t stand to see a 40 year old with nothing but throw-back jerseys. Slacks, dress shirt, or casual dressy attire is good when you start getting around 40 years old. I know there are nice casual ways to dress but when a man steps into a business forum with his son and they are dressed similarly, I’m concerned. If you dress the same way you did at 16, I’m concerned.
LADIES: When you arrive at an establishment business or otherwise you should be dressed appropriately. I’ve seen women arrive at a sports bar for a playoff game in 4” pumps, sleeveless fitted dress, and cleavage that pops out. I’m like this does not fit the environment. I sometimes have the women is she a prostitute who is smart enough not to walk the streets but wants to advertise the nightly special indoors? Same thing in business meetings………off the shoulder shirts, cleavage busting out the top, and pants so tight you think the woman might develop a yeast infection. Why? For us it’s a double edged sword because while women want to be taken seriously a woman who dresses inappropriately in business confirms that we are nothing more than our backside or breasts.
SMARTS: Intelligence is also important. When one is not well read or secure within themselves they feel inferior and see everyone as a threat to them. Every conversation becomes a challenge because they feel insecure or they simply stand around saying nothing. If you are going to attend a function with executives or business people, take a good 30-45 minutes to read up on what’s going on in the world. You don’t have to be an expert but find out information about the headlines enough where you can have a decent conversation with someone. Again, internet is a great, free, resource at your fingertips.
Tip: Look at the people you admire and consider how they carry themselves. When I say admire, I’m not talking video vixens or rappers because they are the exception and not the rule of prosperity. For every one successful rapper there are 50,000 that haven’t reached that status. For every one video vixen that made it there are 100,000 hot girls that look just like her that haven’t achieved success aside from the casting couch.
Most Important: Don’t fake it till you make it. What I’m saying is don’t spend your all your money trying to go to trendy spots and then eat bologna for the rest of the week. If you like that crowd and want to be around those people then get a trade, open a business, go to school and get your money right and join the club 100% authentically.
Bad Experience: A friend of mine had a date with someone who was trying to function in social settings above his level. It was sad to think this person felt he had to mention all these upscale restaurants, events, and extravagant places when he would talk to her. She felt based on his attire, vernacular, and dialogue she couldn’t see him socializing in those atmospheres. She told him no to several invitations to go out because she got tired of him trying to “impress her.” After saying no several times she decided, out the blue, to go against her better judgment and give the brother a chance. She quickly realized why it was against her better judgment. He mentioned the prices of the place they met, at her suggestion which was not as expensive as the places he mentioned he wanted to go, so she offered to go dutch. He said great because he had partied all weekend and was out of money and hadn’t stopped by the bank earlier. (Apparently in this day and age he didn’t know have an atm/debit card) So they ate and during their date she told him about himself in the sweetest way. About him being inconsistent financially and he should be saving for the future for the wife he will have, home ownership, etc. rather than spending all his money in the streets just because he’s single. At the end of the night she told him to take care of himself. She really meant that because it was the last time he was going to see her. My friend is in her early thirties and the guy was in his late thirty’s. She met this guy at a social professional relaxation mixer.
I told her Dave Chapel should do a series: When Fake it Till You Make It Goes Wrong.
Long story short the dude had the nerve to text her and ask if they would ever hang out again and he still called her a few times afterwards. She does not answer his phone calls and gave him a title of “loser” on her phone so she can make sure she doesn’t pick up. She said she felt sad that he was trying to improve his lot but he should keep it real instead of appearing to be someone he is not. She also said an education or skill might also be a great thing for him to pick up to give him a steady financial bearing.
I can’t say it enough……………………………..KEEP IT REAL! LIES NEVER LAST FOR LONG AND THE TRUTH WILL ALWAYS COME TO LIGHT.
More by this Author
A poem or thoughts on paper as to why some good women are alone. May you be blessed with perspective men and may ladies relate to the voice. An exploration of thoughts from decent black women.
The wisdom of our mothers and older women can provide so much guidance in our lives if we seek the knowledge. While advice may fall to the wayside when given, years later we realize the value.
Sam (Married At First Sight) is an excellent model for women that take charge when dating. Watching her grow, love, take responsibility reaching awareness of self-sabotaging behavior was amazing.
No comments yet.