Once We Gays Get Marriage Rights We’re Going To Need To Redecorate Them (Per Usual)
At this point I can honestly say with the judgment against Proposition 8 and just the way things seem to be going, I no longer feel as though gay marriage rights will be an “if” but rather a “when” – “when we get marriage rights” can now emanate from my lips without me feeling as though I’m lying. Having said that, the more I read about gay marriages, the people having them (including one in my own family) the more I think that once we gays get marriage rights we’re going to need to redecorate them (per usual) – Don’t Get Me Started!
I get why some of us gays are attracted to the wedding as a traditional ceremony complete with fourteen bridesmaids and ushers, because that’s what we’ve seen our entire lives. To you gays who want this, complete with matching tuxedoes, or dresses or puka beads on a beach, I say have at it. But what I never hear anyone talking about is the fact that this “traditional” ceremony may not be right for all of us. For me personally (who is not getting married anytime soon) I find the whole traditional ceremony not for me. So does that make me a traitor to my fellow gays? Absolutely not.
I just feel as though we gays can do better by ourselves by creating our own type of ceremony and way of joining together rather than trying to copy what straights have done for years like some sort of bad Elvis impersonation. Why should we try to put our fabulously well toned peg into a hole that doesn’t fit? (Well, I know some of you boys like to try anything once so I’ll leave it for you to figure out in the alley behind the 7/11 where you met your partner of thirty minutes by the Slurpee machine. And they say romance is dead). What I mean is that we need to go to some sort of “Dare to be different” seminar and figure out exactly how to give the whole gay marriage thing a redecoration that doesn’t just look as if we bought cheap slipcovers for the sofa and a new coffee table book. No, we need to move that furniture out all together and bring in some grand new stuff.
While we’re thinking (let’s face it, while “I’M” thinking) of changing the wedding ceremony for gays I begin to wonder if an idea I had a while ago hasn’t now seen it’s time to arrive on the scene. I think we need a gay religion. There, I’ve said it (again). I’m not sure exactly what we would worship but I know that we would all look great and we’d be tax deductible. If I have to go ahead and be the “Designer” (instead of pastor or priest) of this movement, if I get the calling from my Prada shoes telling me I need to step up and create this religion, so be it. That’s right, we don’t really know how religion started and we sure as hell have no idea how Joseph Smith made up his wacky story that millions of Mormons believe now or how a bestselling author like L. Ron Hubbard managed to take people from Dianetics to what eventually became Scientology, the religion of Scelebrities. So why not a gay religion? Maybe God is speaking to me because I’m Jewish and he knows he can trust me like he trusted Moses. Maybe Gayliness is next to Godliness after all. Maybe, just maybe, I can bring my message to my people without persecution and as much eyeliner as most evangelicals. The one thing I know is that there will be less screaming at the congregation and more singing showtunes to them. The only problem I see right away is that if we ever do any call and response with the congregation (or “ensemble” as they’ll be called) I’m afraid the fire department will be called out time and time again because our sibilant “S’s” will have everyone believing there’s a gas leak in the building. No matter, when the firemen arrive they can do some dancing to a Village People song to bring the crowd to their feet and send them off for a great week. The fireman going a little gay for pay and helping gather donations in their hats, boots and whatever else they have that you can stuff crumpled singles into. Sound too stereotypical? Look at the Catholics, Jews, Mormons and more and tell me what they do for their service isn’t horribly stereotypical? You have to give people a little of what they know before you can get them getting used to new ideas.
New ideas, that’s what we need for the future of our country and the world. We can’t stand by and allow ourselves to join into a world all ready spinning and just go with the flow. No, sometimes we have to stop spinning (to check out the ass of the guy next to us in class) to discover our own sense of calm, self and direction. We have to boldly go where no gays have gone before. We have to make things that actually fit us and are more couture as opposed to buying off the rack. That goes for religion, gay weddings and more. So if you’re thinking of a gay wedding, re-think the white wedding and go for something in a color that doesn’t make the bride/groom/whatever look so fat. Instead of cake, serve mousse (cause it has so many “S’s” in it it’ll be fun to hear your guests say) and finally instead of “I do” say, “Hold my hand and we’re half way there, hold my hand I’ll take you there.” Once we gays get marriage rights we’re going to need to redecorate them (per usual) – Don’t Get Me Started!
Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
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