One-night Stands; Was it as good for you as it was for me?
Remember that night?
There's not too many subjects I shy away from, including talk of the bedroom...or public restroom....or backseat of a car. Wherever you may have had a one-night stand I want to get to the bottom (no pun intended) of this topic.
One-night stands occur under many circumstances; bad judgment, curiosity, physical desire but no desire for commitment, instant attraction, an extra-marital affair, a thrill or experimentation. Depending on the situation, some people remember and some people would rather forget.
Interested in Anonymous sex?
- Apparently Denmark Has A Custom Of Anonymous Sex With Tourists || Jaunted
Apparently Denmark Has A Custom Of Anonymous Sex With Tourists || Jaunted
Other types of one-night stands; Anonymous Sex
Anonymous sex is similar to casual sex or a one-night stand, but I would define it as even more casual and more pre-meditated. I would also consider it more risky as well. There are online groups, forums, ads for people looking specifically for this type of encounter.
But I don't want to discuss the online world of risky sex or planned sexual encounters. I want to talk about the good old-fashioned 'whoops' or 'what the heck' kind of one-sight stand. Where do men and women differ on the topic, if at all, and why do people engage in a one-night stand.
Easy boy....calm down...
The How To's of Happily Hopping in the Sack Hastily
Apparently there is certain etiquette involved when engaging in a one-night stand. Unbeknownst to me that there was a polite way of hopping in the sack last minute with someone you barely know. Perhaps it falls into the discussion one has while frantically unzipping zippers and tripping on that damn sock that won't budge off your foot.
But yes, there are how to's involved; two consenting adults who establish and understand the perimeters/boundaries of the relationship. Be safe in regards to using protection and for ladies you may want to let someone know where you're at or have a back-up plan. Don't forget to thank your partner for a lovely evening- I'm actually joking about this, but it would be polite. Also don't forget all your clothes and belongings because you may not see that person again and if you forgot something...awkward.
Not-so-hot Horizontal Trot
My experience with a one-night stand was not at all similar to the typical hot movie scenes with two people ripping each others clothes off and knocking down every piece of furniture in their path, leaving behind a fitful scene that would put Hurricane Katrina to shame, dripping sweat like the perpetual precipitation in a rain forest.
After three long, committed, and eventually unhappy relationships I decided to throw caution to the wind with a Calvin Klein underwear model I met at a club in the city- I'm not so much bragging about him being a model as I am at the humor of him being an underwear model. It kind of chokes a person up when you ask the innocent question of 'What do you do for a living' and the answer is 'Pose in my undies'. Yikes!
He was gorgeous, funny, and had lots of money to spend on me. Sounds like I'm bragging again, but it's going to prove my point. With all the requirements of a desirable partner, it was by far the worst sex I've ever had and I don't think anyone is truly happy about their one-night encounters or maybe I'm the only one. Fake and awkward would best describe that night. The only thrill I can see is in the spontaneity aspect or if it's an affair, it would be the thrill of getting caught. Either way, there is no way a one-night stand is satisfying.
Of course every one-night stand has a silver lining, well, not really, but I found one here. I learned something about myself and that wasI get pleasure out of knowing someone...the hunt, the chase, flirting, the ongoing banter, and each encounter getting better and better, building up to a real climax. Whew, I'm getting hot!
"Hate to sound sleazy, but tease me, I don't want it if it's that easy" Tupac Shakur
Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing Baby
Most people engage in a one-night stand, in general, because they are not looking for their future wife or husband, yet they desire some sort of companionship. Again, I will argue here, it is a superficial short-term fix and will not satisfy one's needs for real companionship. Also, who are you to determine when you are ready to meet that special someone- that can happen any time, at any age. Often multiple one-night stands are necessary to fulfill the long-term needs for companionship that most human beings need.
Sometimes we would like to feel close to another person, but are one-night stands the answer? For many modern women, this is a way of life now. They are too busy chasing dreams, higher education, and careers to have a meaningful relationship or family with someone. I don't know the statistics, but I'm willing to bet women's one-night stands have increased exponentially in the past couple of decades.
As a woman, I was taught that you can 'Have it all'. This is a modern lie because by the time women are ready to start a family, they have found out that not many ideal men are available (without baggage especially) and it isn't that easy getting pregnant or being pregnant at age 35+. One-night stands may seem like a solution at the time when we aren't ready to settle down, but a better lesson would be learning to live with ourselves and by ourselves first.
Men on the other hand typically have a strong need for sex and if they aren't ready to settle down then one-night stands are an obvious choice. The issue with this is by the time they are ready to settle down they are accustomed to exciting flings and easy sex without strings so the joys of a relationship are lost. They believe relationships should offer that type of thrilling one-night stand sex. The joy of relationship sex is knowing that person, getting pleasure out of pleasing that person because you care about them. In other words, men who have one-night stands are desensitized to sex as a something deeper and meaningful. Their expectations of sex are forever comapred to their one-night stands.
Not Knowing is Half the Battle
You're fighting an uphill battle by not knowing who you are having sex with. It can lead to a plethora of problems, including false rape charges, real rape, and sexually transmitted diseases. Not to mention my personal problem with one-night stands; awkwardness. Nobody likes any of these and with that in the back of your mind, how exciting is casual sex now? The allure is often greater than the conquer. The mystery about a person you hardly know can give you mysterious symptoms (of an STD).
Yes, a one-night stand can serve it's purpose. But it's like treating the symptom and not the cause. Why do you need to engage in casual sex? Are you running away from a real problem? What do you have against relationships? Is it the aftermath of breaking up with someone? Are you acting out in some way for attention? Is it really fulfilling? What effect is it having on you? A one-night stand takes more than one night to think about and effects you long-term in one way or another.
More by this Author
Not all couples experience an exponential drop in their sex lives post marriage- or so I hear. I'm still waiting to meet the couples that continue vigorous and enjoyable sex lives consistently throughout their marriage-...
Statistics waver depending on sources, but one thing remains true: second and subsequent marriages face a lot more issues. In fact, they are more likely to fail if they involve step-children. There has to be something...
There may come a time when you have endured a harmful and stressful family relationship, and you may wonder if cutting ties is right for you.