Online Dating Pick Up Lines You Should Never Use (Including Real Life Examples!)

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Don't click the "send" button yet!

You think you've been witty. You've been sitting there for minutes pondering the best way to impress a lady you've seen on a dating site. You think you've got a great idea. You've even asked your roommate for an opinion. Before you hit the "send" button, let me give you some examples of online dating pick up lines that don't work. You might just find your message was very much like one of the pick up lines I would suggest you never use.

I've been using online dating sites off and on for about 8 years. Don't worry - some people are actually successful when they use dating sites. I am not one of those people, but I know many happy couples that met online using free dating sites. So, yes, online dating can work for you. However, I feel that some guys out there might need a few tips. Everyday there are poor souls that attempt to woe me with a message he may (or very likely may not) have put some effort into creating. Before you embarrass yourself, I want to help you by giving you some examples of bad pick up lines. And no, I am not making any of this up. All of these are actual messages sent to me or one of my friends on dating sites.

"You're kind of cute. Are you friendly?"

Ummm... why, no, I am not friendly at all when you call me "kind of cute." Furthermore, you don't ask a human if she is friendly. You might approach a person and say, "You have a cute dog. Is she friendly? Can I pet her?" However, you do not even say a dog is "kind of" cute. That is just mean. And no, I am not friendly. Maybe I even bite, too. Woof!

"You look like you're high maintenance."

Oh gee, thanks. What a great conversation starter! I am not sure what it is about me that makes me appear high maintenance. It must be the very little make-up I am wearing, or my Walmart outfit, or my unmanicured nails. Why, yes, you've got me all figured out, Mister! I can't wait to go out with you so we can discuss all of my many high maintenance requirements.

"You should make your last photo your profile pic and remove the one you are using."

Is this an attempt to compliment me on my last picture in my photo album or is this the fashion police approaching me with a warning? Either way, you are not getting a response from me.

Online Dating Poll #1

Have you ever used an online dating site?

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"I like your butt and your tattoo."

Hey thanks. Did you read my profile at all? It has words on it. I like it when guys know how to read. However, considering this is actually a compliment and many other guys are obviously not sending me compliments. So dudes of the world reading this right now, this is certainly a lovely thing to say to a girlfriend, but this is not such a great introduction. Start with the basics first like, "Hey, I saw on your profile you like Seinfeld. I like Seinfeld, too!" Don't go straight in with the butt compliment.

"I wish I was younger. I would write to you."

Ummm... aren't you writing to me right now to tell me you wish you could write to me? Man, now my head hurts. I am so confused.

"I will pay you $60 for 10 photos of your feet."

Oh, Foot Fetish Guy, where have you been all my life? Sounds like some easy cash, but it also sounds kind of creepy. Where can it go from here? $100 for photos of my knees? Sorry, dude, it was a nice try, but my feet are actually pretty weird looking. It wouldn't be worth your $60... you would ask for a refund.

"My wife and I are looking for a 3rd person and we both like you."

Why, that is so sweet of you. Oh wait, I don't like you and your freaky situation. I am not one to judge, but you probably don't want to approach just anyone with that offer. After all, I have "long term relationship" indicated on my profile, not "swinging fun with couple" or whatever option the site may have that indicates my interest in that type of activity. So thanks for swinging by, but no thanks. Craigslist is a way better option for couples looking for a 3rd person anyway. Just thought I'd throw that out there in case that is your cup of tea.

Online Dating Poll #2

If you've used dating sites in the past, how successful were you?

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"Meet up"

Ah, a man of few words. Well, I am a woman of few words: no way! Guys, I realize in today's busy world, it is tough finding the time to write a complete sentence, but if you look at my profile and I use complete sentences, chances are, that is what I expect from you, too. A few actual sentences, proper grammar, and proper spelling go a long way.

"Hii baby watup hw are u doings"

Ummm... no.

(I copied and pasted this. This is a real message. I can't make up stuff like this.)

"My phone number is 443-000-0000. Call me now."

Wait, is this some type of emergency or something? Do I know you? Who are you and why on earth am I going to call you? I don't think so. The fun thing about these messages is that they are often followed by messages like, "Hey, you didn't call." Are we in a relationship already and no one let me know? Guys, stop being so aggressive! It is creepy. I am totally going to block you!

"You are so hot. I can't wait to lick you...."

I won't go any further with that one, but it can get a little explicit in some of these messages. I am guessing somewhere out there, some lady is all about being told totally perverse things online, but most really are not that interested. Once again, guys, know your target audience. If a woman says she is looking for a long term relationship, she does not want the first message to describe all the crazy things you are going to do to her.

"My mother says I am a great catch."

Oh boy. Next!

"I can't believe someone like you is still single."

I can't believe someone would use such a cheesy line on me. Perhaps that is why I am still single. Maybe those terrible one liners are the best any guy is able to send to me and I remain single because of it.

In conclusion...

After reading all of this, you might wonder why anyone would bother to keep using online dating sites. First of all, where else am I am going to get free entertainment like this? Second, not every message is like the messages listed above. Quite a few perfectly normal men send perfectly normal messages to me. For every weird message, I get at least 2 or 3 normal messages. So if you are considering using an online dating site, don't be discouraged. Plenty of normal people are out there using the sites, too.

Most of all, just remember to send thoughtful messages to anyone you find interesting. Let that person know you took some time to read the profile and you think the two of you have some things in common. Also, don't take it too seriously. If you can't laugh at all of this stuff, you probably are not going to be able to handle online dating. It is, after all, just dating. Believe it or not, dating is supposed to be fun! Yeah, I don't buy into that either, but try to enjoy it anyway.

Copyright ©2012 Jeannieinabottle

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Comments 34 comments

Anamika S profile image

Anamika S 4 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

Well, those were some nasty pick up lines. I don't respond to any pick up lines, good or bad, because I am not looking. But yes, I have heard most of those lines and more... Voted up!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I can't believe some of the comments guys think are appropriate. No wonder online dating doesn't work for some people. Thanks for reading and thanks for the comment.


spartucusjones profile image

spartucusjones 4 years ago from Parts Unknown

Great Hub! It had me laughing!


JKenny profile image

JKenny 4 years ago from Birmingham, England

Hahaha! This is really funny. I can't believe the gall of some of those guys, they'd probably never say those sort of things to a girl in the flesh. I used dating websites in the past, but I used to just get weird messages from 18 year old girls, or they used to say they were 18 anyway. I never took the risk of replying to them.

I remember one girl sent me a message, saying that 'I seem like an intelligent man,' Oh! I only seem like an intelligent man, well thanks very much hahaha! Thanks for writing this. Voted up and shared.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

Did you try speeddating? Much more fun and very effective. I never met the man of my dreams through dating online or speeddating but I have to say I did have a whole lot of fun!

I'm glad you ask your readers in the end not to take this too seriously. Weird messages never really bothered me since I know there are so many different type of men out there. Some are just REALLY different.

I was never offended by them thank God. Best memory? The invitation to come and hit somebody with a whip! He saw my boots and matched that with possibly dominant woman. He offered himself as my slave:-)

I like kinky boots, I'm passionate and high maintenance but I don't see myself.....well you get the picture.

Entertaining Hub! Brought back some fun memories!

Voted up, shared and away!


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 4 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

Id totally sell my foot photos for sixty bucks lmao! I can't believe some guy said that to you. You should have agreed and sent him grandpas bunion pix lol.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

Love your hub!!!! made me smile while reading :)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

spartucusjones - I am happy you enjoyed it. Thanks for dropping by my hub.

JKenny - Thanks so much for the vote and for sharing. Yeah, 18 year old girls... that would have been taking some chances. Believe it or not, I was also recently hit on by a girl that claimed she was in college. I was very suspicious about her anyway. I thought maybe it was a creepy old guy pretending to be a female or something. It was weird. I sent her a message back saying, "Ummm... I'm a female... ummm." Hehe. Oh, online dating!

Escobana - I have not tried speed dating yet, but it does sound like it could be fun. I would mostly do it for entertainment purposes... I am sure I could get a hub out of it! Thanks for the great idea. But yeah, online dating can't be taken seriously. There are too many weirdos out there to get offended by any of it. Thanks for voting and sharing my hub!!!

the pink umbrella - I did seriously consider selling the feet photos, but I was concerned about payment. He wanted personal info for mailing a check or my email address for PayPal. I decided to decline the offer. :-) Thanks for checking out my hub!

unknown spy - Thanks so much! I am glad I could make you smile. :-)


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 4 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

isn't that a shame, the way the economy is that you find yourself considering something like that lol.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Yes, I've sunk to an all new low. Hehe.


Ron Hawkster profile image

Ron Hawkster 4 years ago from United States of America

Love it!

Especially the part about Seinfeld and liking butts. Let's add in Escobana's speed dating suggestion and here is what could happen.

"I see that we have a lot in common because we both like Seinfeld. Can I see your butt now?"

There is nothing cheesier than people who think the way to impress and hook up with someone is to throw clever lines at them.


Millionaire Tips profile image

Millionaire Tips 4 years ago from USA

LOL - those one liners are a weeding out process. When I was new to the internet, I would hang out in chat rooms to get these types of lines. Maybew they think that if they don't want someone too intellectual, they can send one of those -- it is too much work to decode someone's profile to decide how they are available they are for a one nighter!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Ron Hawkster - Yes, speed dating could have its downfalls, too. I think guys would be less pervy though. After all, it is hard to be a total creep to someone's face. Some guys manage it, but most don't have the nerve. Thanks for the comment!

Millionaire Tips - I think you are right. Guys must email a lot of women and see which women respond to these horrible messages. I have a feeling some of these guys never get a response though. I would assume many get blocked. Thanks for dropping by!


Teresa Coppens profile image

Teresa Coppens 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Awesome hub. I love those pickup lines. I am so glad I am not in the dating scene now. Although, it looks like those lines are a great way to do your initial weeding out of potentials!


SJmorningsun25 4 years ago

Wow--some truly horrible lines. I've tried a few dating sites (so far without success), and there have been a few weirdos. One guy saw that I had read his message and immediately sent me another one, asking why I hadn't responded. When I said I'd been busy (and truly, I wasn't interested), he started accusing me of being a jerk and getting preachy on me. Needless to say, he got blocked! Voting up!


scruffyfy profile image

scruffyfy 4 years ago from Philippines

Hey, I've had fun reading this...really made me laugh. hahaha! I think it would be better if they would just be natural rather than utilizing pick-up lines, which would just make them appear fake. I believe, honesty and respect are very important when it comes to dating online. I experienced dating online like 3x and thank God, I've never encountered people like these. Great hub, anyhow! :P


Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland

Wow many of those lines are creeeeepy! Its good to know you get more normal contacts than abnormal ones, otherwise I would wonder what dating sites you use. Im just kidding. Sadly the world will always have its fill of weirdos.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

The fun about speeddating is the fact that you don't have to listen to someone's hilarious pick up lines for more than 3 minutes.

Then the bell rings and another victim will sit across the table. New guy, new chances:-) I had a blast going to these events because you don't go with the idea...Now I want to meet the man of my dreams.

Meet men yeah...have fun yeah...there's nothing more to it really and the face to face talks can be very amusing.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Teresa Coppens - Yes, these lines definitely help me weed out the weirdos. Sometimes a weirdo still manages to sneak in though. He manages to write a normal message or two, but starts to creep me out in no time. Thanks so much for the comment!

SJmorningsun25 - Yes, the overly aggressive guy that expects an instant response is so annoying. I've dealt with that kind of creepy guy before, too. He always end up blocked. Some guys just don't get it. You can't argue your way out of something like that... creepy is just creepy. Thanks for reading my hub!

scruffyfy - You are very lucky if you've never encountered these special folks before. I think the longer you use the sites, the weirder people get. I think I might just stop using them at all soon. Thanks for the comment!

Ardie - I suppose there will always be weirdos on dating sites. I guess it makes sense that some people that have issues having normal conversations can't manage to have them online either. Thanks for dropping by my hub!

Escobana - Now I really want to do speeddating. I think it would be funny to write hubs about it, too. I am seriously going to look into this. Thanks for the idea!


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 4 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

ive always wanted to try speed dating. ever see 40 year old vergin...that speed dating sceen is hil-arious!!! lol


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 4 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I haven't seen the movie yet. I couldn't get the video to play. I will have to give it a try some other time. Thanks!


tmbridgeland profile image

tmbridgeland 4 years ago from Small Town, Illinois

A guy, fat, short, middle aged and balding, always seemed to hang out with really cute girls. I asked him his pickup line. 'What time is it?' Was his lead line. I have had some success with 'Hi, I'm Tom. What's your name?' Pretty weird, huh?


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

You make a really good point. I would much rather have a guy approach me with something normal like that. After all, everyone needs to know the time. Also, everyone has a name and they can tell you about it. :-)

Thanks for sharing!


lambservant profile image

lambservant 4 years ago from Pacific Northwest

"Your so hot I want to lick you?" Oh PULEEEASE! These are great. But it's one reason I don't do online dating. You just never know what you're going to get. Great hub.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I know what you mean. It is essential to have a great sense of humor and view online dating as a source of entertainment. If you go into it thinking you are going to meet the perfect person for you, it probably won't happen. If you go into it for a good laugh, you might just meet a great person along the way. Thanks for checking out my hub!


LisaKoski profile image

LisaKoski 4 years ago from WA

This is such a fun read! I have never tried online dating and don't plan to (isn't necessary since I'm already in a great relationship) but I had to read this because it sounded like it'd be entertaining. Very funny but great advice for those who want to try online dating.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks so much Lisa. I am glad you enjoyed my hub. Trust me, online dating sites are more for entertainment purposes rather than anything else. I have to make fun of them. :-)


NornsMercy profile image

NornsMercy 3 years ago from Charlotte, NC

This hub was hilarious to read. I met my husband online, but before him, I met tooooooooons of weirdos. I'm shaking my head while read this because it's all so true! :D


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

You are so right! There are tons of weirdos online. Thank goodness there are some normal guys out there. Thanks for your comment.


dotty1 profile image

dotty1 3 years ago from In my world

hehehe it is a strange thing isn't it !!!! I have only just realised that the man who doesn't have a picture....Is NOT Bradley Cooper - trying to find true love ......it is a man that you might not necessarily be into (coz we are all lovely in some way yes).........


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Hahaha.... yes, it is usually a bad sign if the guy does not have a photo. About 10 years ago, plenty of people did not include photos because no one liked to admit they met their date online. But today is 2013 and EVERYONE dates online now... there is no reason not to include a photo unless the guy is hiding something. Thanks for your comment!


Anishwebmaster profile image

Anishwebmaster 2 years ago from Mundi Kharar, Mohali, Chandigarh, (Punjab)

your hub made me laugh while reading.Well done :)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I am glad I could give you a laugh with my hub. All of these lines are scary... and real! Thanks for stopping by.

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