Online friends can save your life

The short and sweet of it

I know from experience, that your online friends can save your life, literally and figuratively. But the latter of the two, I have experienced.

After being in an abusive marriage for 12 1/2 years, I've done my share of research online. I've perused hundreds of sites, until all hours of the night, to figure out why my husband is the way he is. I did come to find that he is a sociopath, drug-addicted, narcissist. I don't say that to be funny. Trust me, it's not funny.

Being as my dear H possesses such wonderful attributes, I've been warned by him not to have any family or friends. "They're all out to get you. They're bad people who don't truly care about you". After hearing that nearly every day for several years, a person comes to believe these sinister words.

After several years of marriage and two small children (5 or 6 years ago), dear H finally decided to allow me one of my own hobbies, computers. His father gave it to us, but it was a nice HP. Shortly thereafter, H allowed me to get internet service hooked up.

Throughout the next few years, the people that I met online, changed my life forever. I entered Yahoo groups having to do with abuse, etc. These people were the kindest, most honest people I'd ever met. Some of the women had been through the same situations as I had, some were still in these situations but spineless due to the abuse itself. So sad. And some of the men had been through depression and PTSD, and were able to guide me in the right direction in healing myself.

But in speaking with all of these different men and women from different walks of life, I felt that I had friends. I finally had a person in my life that I could call a friend. Women, and a couple of men too, that cared about me and weren't contacting me for a date! H liked to use that one for an excuse when I would utter the word "online" to him. "You're only there to find a date, you're a slut." Oh well, I got over it. I know better.

So thank you to all of you men and women out there, who do give sound advice to others like me. We've all suffered in one way or another, it's so nice to see others sharing their experiences and treating each other with respect. Respect is such a taboo trait these days, it's hard to come by. As another hubber said recently, people are too introverted and scared to let themselves be vulnerable for too long, therefore others around them suffer. Does that make sense?

I've never believed in love happening online, until recently. Although I am married, but trying to get ex to sign divorce papers (for two years), I now believe in love online. I don't have a lover myself, but feel love for another man, online. Is that the cheesiest most red-neck thing you've ever heard? Does this truly happen? If true friendships can happen online, then so can romance.

I'm sending a big hug and a 'thank you' to everyone in cyberspace who will give a "stranger" the time of day when they need it:)

No need for comments but leave them if you wish:)

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Comments 21 comments

MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 7 years ago from Minnes-O-ta Author

Sarah--I'm so glad to hear that you've had a great experience here. I'll never leave, as long as it's available...most would agree, I'm sure of it. Thanks for reading sweetie!


SarahMichelle 7 years ago

Great hub - I have felt support through this community especially I never imagined! It has been amazing to be a part of it. Thanks for sharing:)


Benjimester profile image

Benjimester 7 years ago from San Diego, California

:)


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 7 years ago from Minnes-O-ta Author

Ben--you've been such a great support to me, since the day I found HubPages. You proved to me that there are good men out there. It's nice to agree with that, finally:) Hugs


Benjimester profile image

Benjimester 7 years ago from San Diego, California

Jamie, thanks for the good encouragement :) It's really cool to connect with people online, especially at a place where you get to put yourself out there through writing. It's very excellent being your friend, I admire your honesty and steadfast hope through difficult times.


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 7 years ago from Minnes-O-ta Author

ontheway-thank you again. I love your picture, it's adorable:)


ontheway profile image

ontheway 7 years ago

Online friends can save your life

Very good article, thank you to share, welcome to my space to see


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 7 years ago from Minnes-O-ta Author

toad--I'll take your advice, except I myself, could be a bad influence????

AE--Love the new pic! Thanks for reading:)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

They certainly can and I just spoke with one of my on-line friends over the phone, it was a wonderful conversation, the downside my phone died. At least now we can chit - chit , loved the hub Jamie and the best to you. :)


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

This is a good place to be but don't hang out with pest too much he's a bad influence


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 7 years ago from Minnes-O-ta Author

Trish--Thanks for sharing your story with me. It's so wonderful to know that I'm not the only one. Sounds like an adolescent cliche, but I guess I've fallen for it:) But as I grow today, I see the light as brighter and brighter. Thanks Trish.

Mighty Mom--Thanks sweetie, for sharing with me. It's so nice to hear (as I'm learning more every second) that there are true friendships, and loves, that can be had online. I don't want to base my life in the online world, but I've lived "outside" and haven't found the right person to share my life with yet. It's okay, as you read in my hub(s), I'm dealing with my divorce so that I can move on and possibly find love. I'm not looking, but I'd be happy to receive some:) I'll be chatting with you, thanks again for the warm comments.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Hello MissJamieD, You have definitely found a support system in HP. This community is unreal in its warmth and caring. If you need a cyber-shoulder to cry on, you got it. If you need to get out of yourself and laugh, that's here, too!

The amazing thing about being an isolated, introverted writer is you assume you are alone. Imagine thousands of others just like you all around the world! That's HP. People here bring a wealth of life experiences from rape to death of a child or parent or spouse or fiance to cancer to basically every kind of heartache and triumph.

I'm very sorry to hear about your abusive husband. Glad you're taking steps to get out. Will the man you've fallen in love with online be the one? That remains to be seen. The important thing is you're moving into a positive space for YOU. Kudos and hugs and lots of luck. MM


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

Hi,

I can definitely relate to finding friends online.  I had my share of online dating, some of it good, some not so good.  I have heard of others who did actually marry.  My argument to the nay-sayers of online hook-ups is that you can meet jerks anywhere, not only online.

As far as friends, I have a dear friend that I've had for ten years now, and we'ver never met.  For the most part, the folks I've talked to were a nice, friendly bunch.  There were a few I could share problems with as well.

I've never been in an abusive relationship that involved violence.  Some mental abuse, but thankfully those were short-lived.

It's nice that you found help online, and I too, adore HubPages.  It's a wonderful community.

Thanks for sharing.


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 7 years ago from Minnes-O-ta Author

Sufi-Always great advice from you, thank you so much. These comments aren't merely bumps to my ego, but lifesaving advice:) Thanks Sufi!


Sufidreamer profile image

Sufidreamer 7 years ago from Sparti, Greece

Hi MissJamie - another great Hub!

Really glad that HubPages has helped - you deserve much better. There are so many great people here, with some great outlooks on life, the Universe and everything.

Keep on writing :)


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 7 years ago from Minnes-O-ta Author

elkeene--thanks so much for the support. It's great to meet you:)

Mindfield--Thanks for the vote of confidence! I agree that HubPages is a Godsend. I've said it before and I'll say it again;) HubPages has been a positive, life-changing experience, which in turn will positively change the rest of my life also.

Thanks for reading:)


MindField profile image

MindField 7 years ago from Portland, Oregon

MissJamie - Thanks for an important hub.

It's amazing, isn't it, the friends you find online that you'd never have met in any other way? I've been flabbergasted by the talent, insights, and kindness that HubPages' writers offer me every day. This experience is definitely near the top of my list of things to be grateful for. Keep on keepin' on as regards the other front, too. You'll get where you need to be, of that I'm sure!


elkeene 7 years ago

One of my closest friends is Julianna and I know her in person , I to am an introvert and she has pushed me to move around in the world, without her being at my side , I would have been 6 feet under as I was suicidal twice but I will share that in my first article. I am glad that I read this and I to am looking forward to friends on-line.


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 7 years ago from Minnes-O-ta Author

Pest--I've read some of your stuff and I could definitely identify. As you used the word recluse, exactly. I've been called an introvert for awhile now, same thing I suppose. In fact, your most recent Hub, about the flood, inspired my redneck Hub. Thanks for stopping and reading:) Oh yeah, I'm also glad to hear that HubPages has been a Godsend for you. I was thinking the same thing:)

jjrubio--Thanks so much for the support. I will definitely email you, we can chat. I love to live and learn from other people. HubPages has come a great resource for me. Hugs


jjrubio 7 years ago

This is really really good. We need to talk. Feel free to email me anytime girl...you have amigas y amigos on here ok and we are all here for you!!!! I know what its like to go through that...controlling, negative, verbal abuse. ((HUGS))


Pest profile image

Pest 7 years ago from A Couch, Lake Odessa, MI

I have seen your Hub...I am commenting now so I can come back to it later...easier to find. Okay...I am back already. Online friends have been a god send for me. I am a bit of a recluse like so many other multi talented writers. I have friends from all over the world that keep coming back and that have stayed with me for years. On FaceBook i have friends from HubPages and high school friends. Zero HS friends say hello...Only my HubPages and other net friends are truely there for me. This flood...guess how many friends from "school" days msgd me?? Aboot 2. I am rambling so in summation I am in agreement and I understand this Hub greatly.

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