Outlandish Things Men Say When "It Happens to (All Guys)" Happens to Them
I am out on a limb
As you read my headline I am sure that you had two thoughts about me writing about this subject. You thought that I am pretty stupid or pretty bold. With a topic as sensitive as this one, there is absolutely no middle ground.
It's tough to choose each word and phrase with painstaking care for I know that someone, God forbid, will get their feelings hurt. But I mean no harm by publishing this piece. Actually, and those who know me well will know that I am only trying to lighten the atompshere about "that" certain problem many men will have in the bedroom when they are unable to have intimacy with their wives.
I am not a doctor. I am not a sexual therapist. Hey, I cannot even hum "Sexual Healing," by the late Marvin Gaye, but I do know that this problem is very, very relevant to all men who are reading this right now.
"It" happens. Maybe not to all guys, but to many. Every guy will admit that when "this" let-down, and lack-of-performance hits, it is like his world is ending. He feels worse than a millionaire did in the Great Stock Market Crash of 1929. Empty, weak, and more evident, he feels less than a man.
Add it all up and you get suffering guys who value intimate relations with their companions more than they do their jobs, cars, and hunting dogs.
This is my hub title
Outlandish Things Men Say When "It Happens To (All Men)" Happens to Them
- "Oh, honey. It was that awful football injury I received in college." Note: fact is, the husband never set one foot on a football field anywhere.
- "That brisket we had for dinner was a tad too spicy." Note: just the night before he gorged himself with his buddies at "Peppy Pedro's Inferno Mexican Restaurant," to celebrate his buddy "Tom's" upcoming wedding.
- "It was your sister's fault for laughing at me for dropping my drink." Note: at his birthday party last year he grew angry at his wife's sister for NOT laughing at him for acting like Milton Berle.
- "Oh, dear. My mind was on a job-related project for a moment." Note: truth be told, his mind "did" wander about a job-related project: His demotion for not making is sales quota.
- "Sorry, dear. I have a lot on my mind." Note: Sure he does. Like today for instance. He went into work at 9:30 a.m., played on his computer until lunch. He and "Bobby," the assistant manager took a two-hour lunch which included a visit to "Sparkles," a gentleman's club across town and got back to the office just in time to go home.
- "I apologize, baby. I thought I heard the dog barking and thought it was an intruder." Note: there is no dog in this family but him at the present time.
- "My old war injury was acting up." Note: War injury? He was turned down for not being physical able to be a part of the military.
- "I don't know what happened. Suddenly I felt nauseated." Note: Probably the truth from eating a couple of bags of pretzels and downing a half-case of cold brew.
- "Baby, it seemed like for a moment that I just blacked out." Note: (see above "Note").
- "I feel just awful, sweetie. I am just exhausted." Note: Let's examine this excuse. It was Saturday. He did not work outside mowing grass or anything. He napped on the couch even while college football was on ESPN all day long. Then ate a dinner of fried chicken until he almost burst. Exhausted? I'd agree, but not from manual labor. Laziness.
These are just a few of the many outlandish excuses that some guys use to explain why they could not "perform" with their companions. Low testosterone or low vitamin content could be the truth. In some cases, the guy's age has a lot to do with this dysfunction. Seeing a doctor could be your salvation "if" you are one of these excuse makers.
Good night, Pekin, Illinois.
The guy in this video is very contrite
© 2016 Kenneth Avery
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A purist is someone (like me) who doesn't need fanfare, glitter or fame to survive. And my life is rather quiet, but very streamlined as a purist, I might add.
(Just) talking about meddlers and busy bodies is not enough. It is time I did something about them.
I cannot hide my life any longer.