5 Simple Steps on How to Overcome Insecurity

- 5 Simple Steps on How to Overcome Insecurity, by Rosie2010 -
- 5 Simple Steps on How to Overcome Insecurity, by Rosie2010 -

Feeling insecure? You're not alone, I promise.

I used to believe I was the most insecure person in the world. I don't look bad - as a matter of fact, people say I look good and then add "You don't look your age!" And I would say thank you. But in my mind, it meant I didn't really look good, but my age made me look good. Am I making sense? Maybe not.

You see, I grew up in the shadow of my older sister. She was born beautiful, with a beautiful straight nose, beautiful thick curly hair, and beautiful cupid lips. And then came the second baby.. me. I had a flat nose and no hair at all and forget about cupid lips because nobody could really see my lips as I was, to my mother's dismay, a colic baby, always crying and screaming at all hours of the day. An aunt even said I was an ugly baby. How did I know this? This aunt told me herself years later saying, "When you were born you were such an ugly baby.. but look at you now!" Well thanks, I guess.

My older sister grew up not only beautiful but also a perfect student and very religious to a point that everyone thought she was going to be a nun. For a Catholic family, to have a priest or a nun in the family, is such a great honour and blessing. Every year she never failed to bring home the award for "First in Religion." She went to mass everyday, came back home to have breakfast and gather her books, and was never late for school. And there I was, a below average student, never went to mass during school days, and yet always late for school. As anyone late for school had to get a permission slip from the office, the nun in charge of signing this precious pink slip couldn't help telling me "Why can't you be like your sister?"


5 Simple Steps on How to Overcome Insecurity, by Rosie2010
5 Simple Steps on How to Overcome Insecurity, by Rosie2010

So I grew up believing I was ugly and doubting my self worth. I wallow in my insecurities, which was disastrous when it came to relationships. When things were going well, I would be thinking that something would go wrong. I became paranoid. When I couldn't get my boyfriend on the phone, I would insist on a detailed explanation and no explanation was good enough. I became very jealous and clingy. I was not content and happy unless I was with him. And when a relationship ended, I was sure it was my fault.

Well, thank goodness one day I woke up and told myself "Enough already!" I look in the mirror, really look, and this time I saw I didn't really look bad. Not bad at all. I actually saw a pretty girl looking back at me. I smiled, and she smiled back at me. Well, that was the encouragement I needed. And, it came from ME.

This new-found self-confidence turned my life around. My dating experience became much better. And when I found the love of my life, I didn't screw it up. We got married, had two beautiful children, had a wonderful married life... and we lived happily ever after, as the saying goes. Well we did, until my husband of 26 years passed away.


5 Simple Steps on How to Overcome Insecurity, by Rosie2010, photo O Magazine cover, source Wikipedia Commons
5 Simple Steps on How to Overcome Insecurity, by Rosie2010, photo O Magazine cover, source Wikipedia Commons

5 Simple Steps to Overcome Insecurity

Step 1 - Look at Yourself in the Mirror

Go ahead. Look at yourself in the mirror. Really look. What do you see? Do you like the person looking back at you? If you do, well then, you are ready to change. If you don't like what you see, keep on looking until you say to yourself "Well, I don't look that bad after all." Now, you're ready to change. You see, the first step is liking yourself.

Step 2 - List the Things that are Making you Insecure

Get a pen and a piece of paper. Make yourself a cup of tea or coffee. Sit down and ask yourself why you feel insecure. Is it because you have been hurt in the past? A dysfunctional childhood? A previous unhealthy relationship? A distorted, low self-image? Write them down. Writing things down is very therapeutic. Believe me. I did it and it was very liberating.

Step 3 - You must have the Desire to Change

Liking yourself and knowing why you are in insecure, are all good. But now, you must have the desire to change. You must tell yourself "Enough already!" Nobody else can do this for you. You must want to change. You must want it to be able to change.

Step 4 - You must Believe in Yourself

The next step in overcoming one's insecurity is believing in yourself. Remember the Saturday Night Live's Daily Affirmations by Stuart Smalley? "I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!" I know, I know. It sounds corny. But you know what? It works. Positive affirmations work. You repeat to yourself, over and over again, "Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better". Positive affirmation might not work for everybody, but it worked for me. Try it. You have to believe that you are a beautiful, smart, funny, talented, exciting, fun person with so much to offer that special someone who is lucky enough to have you in his or her life. Believe it.

Step 5 - You Must Do Things For YOU

The next step is to learn to separate yourself from your relationship and begin to enjoy doing things for you. This means having a life outside your relationship. Don't make your relationship, specially a brand new one, the centre of your universe. Don't ever rely on your partner to make you feel whole, that is like asking for the moon. Complete yourself by keeping your life busy and full with the things that you love. Have lots of time with your friends. Your friends are your support system. By allowing yourself to spend time with friends, enjoy hobbies and interests, and focus on your career, you will begin to realize that you have a life of your own and that your every happiness does not depend on one person.

As I focused on my own happiness, I was amazed at the person I had become. You will too! You will feel comfortable in your own skin and feel better about yourself. This will put less pressure in your relationship. You may have started to change to have a better relationship as your goal, but you will be pleasantly surprised that in the end, you will be a much better you. A happy you. A more content you. And, you will not only like the new you. You will love the new you.


5 Simple Steps on How to Overcome Insecurity, by Rosie2010
5 Simple Steps on How to Overcome Insecurity, by Rosie2010

Final words of advice:

Forget the word "perfect." Nobody's perfect. A perfect woman is a robot (The Perfect Woman (1949) ). A perfect wife only existed in "The Stepford Wives". And a perfect man doesn't exist.

"Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you." - Author Unknown

Now, go forth and multiply.


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Comments 28 comments

Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Hiya Silvie, thanks for dropping by. I'm glad my hub helped a little. Sometimes when I feel down, some of my insecurities would pop out, but I learned to to affirmations and that helps me a lot. I'm glad it helps you too.

Have a nice day,

Rosie


Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Hiya Eiddwen, thanks for dropping by. Thank you for the vote up and the awesome/beautiful. That was so sweet of you. I will go read your two hubs now.

Have a nice day,

Rosie


Justsilvie 5 years ago

Another great hub!

I have dealt with a bit of insecurity lately, but I am winning the battle, your hub reminded me to reaffirm I am doing just GREAT!

Thanks Rosie, have a wonderful day!


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

Another gripping hub Rosie and I do admire you. Maybe if you have a few spare minutes you could read two of my hubs ; FROM THIS MOMENT ON and To Feel Truly Whole and you will understand why this subject is so close to my heart. An awesome/beautiful and vote up here.

A great read and God Bless Rosie.


Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Hiya Carrie, thanks for reading my hub. I find it hard to write down serious stuff about me. but sometimes I just had to put down some things on paper.. It is therapeutic for me plus if I could help even just one person, it is worth it. Thank you so much for the vote up.

Have a nice day,

Rosie


carrie450 profile image

carrie450 5 years ago from Winnipeg, Canada

A informative hub on insecurity Rosie and very good advice too. I'm glad that I came across this hub and I'm happy to see such positive thinking. Rated Up.


Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Hiya Michael, thanks for dropping by. I'm glad you found some good advice here. Thanks so much for the compliment. Cheers back atcha!

Have a nice day,

Rosie


michael ely profile image

michael ely 5 years ago from Scotland

Hi Rosie2010, Another great Hub. Well written and great advice. Cheers. Michael.


Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thanks, Jaqckie. That's all in the past. We have a good relationship now. I have three sisters and we all get along.. well, most of the time anyway. lol

Have a nice day,

Rosie


onceuponatime66 profile image

onceuponatime66 5 years ago from USA IL

Rosie, your sister and you were made differently for a reason. You think outside the box. You were made perfect and whole as God would have you be. I pray that you both are blessed and have a wonderful relationship for this holiday season of 2010.


Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Hiya KoffeeKlatch, thanks for dropping by. I'm glad you enjoyed my hub. Thank you so much for the vote up and awesome.

Have a nice day,

Rosie


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 6 years ago from Sunny Florida

Terrific hub. Your tips and advice are right on. I enjoyed reading it from the first sentence to the last word. Voted up and awesome.


Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Hiya gmmurgirl, thanks gf. I'm glad you find this inspiring. Thank you so much.

Have a nice day!

Rosie


Gets 6 years ago

Hi Rosie, nice blog, very interesting. I think I will be back to read this again...maybe a couple of times.. before I dive into this one....lololol.


gmmurgirl profile image

gmmurgirl 6 years ago from Pilipinas

Go girl! Very inspiring this one! Thanks.


Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Hiya KristenGrace, thanks for dropping by. I'm glad you liked my hub. I appreciate the compliment.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Rosie


Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Hiya my dear friend ladypatience, I read your hub once again and you were not critiquing your friend at all. He should be thrilled to have you as a friend who cares. Men!

Have a nice day gf!

Rosie


dragonlady1967 profile image

dragonlady1967 6 years ago

Hi...Truly an AWESOME hub. I really enjoyed it.


KristenGrace profile image

KristenGrace 6 years ago from Philadelphia, PA

Very nice idea for a hub here. Well collected and written thoughts. Thanks for sharing. Nobody likes to feel alone, so it was a wonderful way for you to begin the article.


ladypatience profile image

ladypatience 6 years ago from Missouri

LOL! Ah no Ivan isn't on HUBpages. I posted from here on to my Facebook page, so he read it there. Oh yeah he said he didn't care for it, and he doesn't take being critiqued well at all. At the time I was writing the HUB I didn't think I was critiquing him, I was just writing from the heart. :) Looks like you're the only one that like my HUB.


Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

You mean your guy 'My Ivan' is here in Hubpages? Small world huh! How did you know he didn't appreciate it? Did he say so? More info... more info...

Yeah, Men! Can't live without them, can't shoot them.


ladypatience profile image

ladypatience 6 years ago from Missouri

@Rosie2010 My recent post about 'My Ivan' got me in a little hot water. The guy I wrote it about read it and he certainly didn't appreciate it. Ha! Men...


Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Hiya my dear friend ladypatience, lol I thought "What does she meant by lesi?" lol Sorry gf, I'm a little slow sometimes. Thank you for the compliment and no, the lesi thought never crossed my mind. I feel better about myself now.. the fact that I aged better than my older sister helped as well. lol I'm a lost soul.

Have a nice day!

Rosie


ladypatience profile image

ladypatience 6 years ago from Missouri

Wow! I suppose it didn't help when family compares you to one of your siblings. No two siblings are the same. I do understand where you are coming from. By the way I think you're a nice looking lady(I'm not a lesi by the way)lol! It's great you adjusted your mindset. I hope you're doing awesome in your life today. Peace.


Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Hiya my dear friend tnderhrt, thank you so much gf. Yes I almost didn't publish it, as it seemed so personal that I thought nobody would read it. But I'm glad you can relate to some things I had gone through and hopefully this hub could help in your struggle even just a little. We cannot be perfect, nobody is.. but we can be the best we could be. Thank you so much for the compliment and thank you for being my friend.

Have a nice day!

Rosie


tnderhrt23 profile image

tnderhrt23 6 years ago

Rosie Girl, You are making sense to me! I know what it took to write this...you are amazing. This is a very intimate, powerful hub that struck more than one chord as I read. I think I was insecure the day I was born, came from sick, damaged parents who were insecure. I have spent most of my life trying to be anybody but me...and my relationships were all sad attempts to find my own meaning and fulfillment in someone else.I have supported more than one therapist, and still struggle with the concept of worthiness or lack there of, that was instilled in me at an early age. I am thrilled for you that you found freedom and self-esteem and applaud your willingness to expose yourself and share your journey. You are, indeed, awesome!


Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Hiya my dear friend onceuponatime, now that you know that your skin condition is caused by stress and is now being treated, you're going great gf! It takes time to be where we want to be, but one day we will get there. Thanks so much for being my friend. You're awesome!

Have a nice day!

Rosie


onceuponatime66 profile image

onceuponatime66 6 years ago from USA IL

Wow, so much to say.

. "You have to believe that you are a beautiful, smart, funny, talented, exciting, fun person with so much to offer that special someone who is lucky enough to have you in his or her life." I have low self esteem from my skin condition that needs help from the doctor so I am working on affirmations as we speak.

The next step is to learn to separate yourself from your relationship and begin to enjoy doing things for you. This means having a life outside your relationship. Don't make your relationship, specially a brand new one, the centre of your universe.

Don't ever rely on your partner to make you feel whole,

that is like asking for the moon.

Complete yourself by keeping your life busy and full with the things that you love.

I wish I could say that my partner does not isolate me but he does but then again so do I by having low self esteem. I remember when I had Self esteem and felt and looked pretty 24/7. I never leave the house unless I HAVE TO. I simply don't want to. Yes, I am getting help but it took years to get this way and it will take time to get out of this "funk."

Blessing Rosie, wonderful helpful informative!

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