Parenting Our Inner Child

Inner Child

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Guide to Self - Parenting

Self-Parenting

Have you felt sometimes that fulfillment is very elusive for you to achieve? Have you felt that you seem to be sabotaging your plans the moment that you feel you are about to reach it? Have you felt criticizing your work or activity rather than appreciating it when someone happens to like it?

Then you are not alone. Many have been through that kind of experience and have been struggling to be free from such misery. It is not because you are unworthy of some achievement or happiness. It is because of the childhood training that we have learned from our parents.

This training is more of identification or compliance. Identification is when we live like the model parent - somewhat a copy-cat. And compliance is when we do as we are told -- even if it is against our interest and benefit.

So of this parental training later becomes our internal parent which serves to criticize our actions if it is not satisfactory or appears to be pleasant to us.

To be free from this parental control -- even if after the parent is long gone, we need to re – parent ourselves as if we are gain small children to correct the wrong practices taught to us since we were kinds.

Here are the 12 steps to re – parent ourselves:

1. Surrendering – as a child we are taught that to cry is cowardice, thus as we grow older we control everything in our life. We control our emotions; moreover we need to control others as well. We haven’t realized that we are not in charge, so things go wrong, we’re dumbfounded, confused as to why things go awry. Because what we’re trying to do is beyond us, the best thing for us to do is acknowledge that “we can’t, that beyond us, there is a Higher Parent who knows everything, who leads us. Acknowledging that we are vulnerable allows love to enter into our life, it means we are opening our heart, opening our feelings mean we are acknowledging the guidance of our Higher Parent and the freedom of our inner child.

2. Overcoming Abandonment– We have to admit that we have grown up in families driven by crisis and self – centeredness; thus we learned to accept that our parents can’t take care of us. But we must bear in mind that they too, have suffered as children; they were forced to parent us in the dark. They only did the best they could from what had been passed on to them by their parents, thus, we have a legacy of malfunctioning families. They love us, but they don’t know how to show this love, so put it in our mind that we’re unlovable. This abandonment laid out the foundation of our future relationships. We become self – reliant, we become God as a defense against feeling needy, we create a world devoid of compassion and fellowship, a world of mistrust and fear, a world in which we believe only in ourselves, as a result, we feel hairline rage, helplessness and utter aloneness. This dependence on self replaces dependence in God. Many of us learned to survive with minimal expectations from life, we learned not to expect anything, or from anyone. Our relationships too become empty wells, we choose people who have the same limitations, disappointment is part of our lives, we continue the tradition of being abandoned by others. Most of us do not know how it is to feel our needs meet, we don’t believe that abundance are our true legacy. In order to overcome this, we need to allow ourselves to feel protected and loved by the good people; we need to allow ourselves to have faith again. The way back to our Higher Parent allows us to be guided, we need to understand that our Higher Parent is always available, we have to understand that God did not abandon us, but we abandoned ourselves.

3. Struggling to Trust – Letting go of self – will is very hard to do especially if we have developed self – reliance for it goes against everything that we have learned. We have been taught to be self – sufficient at all costs, this becomes part of our storehouse of compulsive behavior. We come to believe that we can change the past through our own efforts. But this only stuck the inner child in the pain of our childhood the hard pain of denial. Grief and mourning are parts of recovery, our inner child needs to heal, letting go of hatred and resentment and the pain that comes with it by allowing those tears to wash it all away. The path to recovery is a spiritual path that takes us through our pain to a place of healing and forgiveness. Learning to reach out and ask for help, we can begin to live again,

4. Accepting who We Are – Fear immobilizes us by hiding our dark side, it keeps our ego battles and feeds the need to attack others as a way of protecting ourselves. Accepting who we are and facing our dark side are ways to recovery. Our goal here is to transform these negative traits into positive loving traits that will enable our inner child to release the God force within us.

5. Intimacy: Our connection to the World – this is a way of sharing ourselves with the people we trust, as a child we seek love and give love, this develops intimacy to others. But as we grow older we don’t have healthy role models on developing honest and open relationships, many of us believe that showing love is a sign of weakness; thus we become ashamed of our need for love and intimacy. Shame inhibits life, therefore making intimacy possible. The way out of shame is breaking the silence about ourselves; we need to allow our Higher Parent to share ourselves, our feelings and our self – parenting issues. We need to know that it is safe to share ourselves to others. Our hearts are our best teachers, letting our hearts lead the way.

6. Overcoming Perfectionism, - We have birthmarks that make us unique; we must understand that by accepting this is a way of accepting our imperfections. The price paid for striving perfection is death of the spirit, when we look at it this way becomes very expensive and even more expensive way to feel safe. The best way for us to do is giving up the defense of perfectionism; we just have to acknowledge that we have great power over how we choose to live our life by considering how we want things to be.

7. Embracing Our Oneness – There is one essential truth that we often forget – we are all equal. Putting ourselves down or believing that we our superior than others is violating this basic truth. Accepting that God knows what’s best for us is allowing that we are valuable as other people. In achieving this we need to stop comparing ourselves to others. Embracing our true value brings true joy in our life.

8. Learning Self – Forgiveness: Making Amends to Our Inner Child– Changing our life through learning to forgive ourselves and others. There is no use blaming ourselves for the things happened, we need to acknowledge that we have hurt others. It is no use to re – traumatize ourselves by constantly remembering those acts and words.

9. Transforming The Promises – To make amends we must leave behind many of our old ways and embrace our new ways, by healthy self – parenting we can build new bridges, we can begin self – definition, self – ownership of who we are supposed to be.

10. Self – Acceptance: How We Value Ourselves – Oftentimes we develop this black and white thinking, we rush to understand things; we attempt to filter events as to “good luck” or “bad luck”, we do this for us to be ready for the next blow. We need to understand that all events in our life are random; we need to understand that life is within our control. We need to know that we have the power of Self – acceptance; we need to accept that committing mistakes is not the end of the world. Accepting mistakes for what they are frees us, by doing this we become healthy role models for our children and we can see that our parents too were humans and have limitations. Mistakes now can be seen as an opportunity to grow for they represent lessons in life.

11. Living in the Light– We need to approach our Spirituality as a child, like what the Scripture is telling us. we approach God with no expectations. Our Higher Parent is the seat of our intuitive knowledge in which the deeper place within us than our reason. Meditation is the best way to access our Higher parent; it Is the way of stilling the mind so a higher level of consciousness emerge and a launching pad for transcending our ego and connecting with God.

12. Reaching Out– by giving we can now be receiving, by sharing we can now own what we have.

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Comments 40 comments

always exploring profile image

always exploring 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

This is simply magnificant and beautifully written. The inner child is always present, learning a better way, changing if need be.. Thank you so much. You give me hope for a better tomorrow, if we will just live in the light..


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

Hi raciniwa,

Thank you so much for sharing this gem as I am more aware of my inner child today;more than I have ever been.

Over the last few years I have also learnt how to parent this very important part of me,and keep that healthy balance.

I never want it to disappear, because we can never live fully without fun.

This is a gem raciniwa and I vote up plus bookmark.

You have also written it so sensitivly.

Take care my friend and I wish you a wonderful day.

Eddy.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 5 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Always exploring...each of us, has this inner child...trapped within...scared...doesn't know what to do...i'm glad that this little piece has helped you...More Power too...


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 5 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Hello Eddy...i'm glad to know that you have somehow freed your inner child...it only shows how wonderfully you have been recreating your life...but somehow these processes take time and effort...as what i am doing now...going back to myself and recreating it too for a better me...

Here's to friendship...thank you as always for the support...


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

We all are chindren at heart. Some let it out easily like Jim Carrey..and others keep it inside ..like some of our Presidents, but when Christmas or our Birthday is around the corner...we feel like childs..all over again. Thanks for those deep thoughts Raci!

LORD


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

yes lord, we must keep that child at heart, and not leave it behind...thank you for visiting this hub...and have a great day...


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

You are so very welcome raciniwa.

Eddy.


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 4 years ago from North Carolina

raciniwa-I thought for sure I had read and responded to this awesome hub much earlier. I don't see my comment, however. I enjoyed this sound advice and am a true follower of listening to my inner child! Thanks for sharing this. Rated up and across.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

hello Denise...thank you for dropping by...there are times when the net is not functioning well...yeah, it's a great to listen to the child within...


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

Maybe we never grow up and remain a child all our life. Your views are very interesting.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

there is always a child in each of us Vinaya, but that child needs to grow in order for it to use its full potential or else we will suffer for the rest of our lives...i know Buddhism calls it The Path to Enlightenment...


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 4 years ago from North Carolina

Hi Raciniwa-I couldn't help but read the last two comments to your hub. Yes, there is always an inner child, but we integrate this with the wisdom of Divine Presence which helps to evolve us immature humans into mature human beings capable of expressing compassion, kindness, love and courage, among other qualities. It is part of the Enlightenment that you speak of, but this is not exclusive to Buddhism. Many Blessings...


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

yes Denise...thank you for the enlightenment as well, i'm speaking in a Bhuddist point of view because Vhinaya is one...and yes, all Religions believe in the Divine Presence and the Higher Power who guides us if we're willing to listen...

your comments are very much appreciated...thank you once again...


Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 4 years ago from US

You make some very good points and to me it is as if you are saying "to thine own self be true." I agree wholeheartedly with that.

Polly


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

yes, Pollyanna...we, writers do write from our perspective...and it is always an expression of inner self going out and having been heard...


stephaniedas profile image

stephaniedas 4 years ago from Miami, US

Wonderfully written. You could easily become a self-help guru, you know that?


Jean Bakula profile image

Jean Bakula 4 years ago from New Jersey

Hello raciniwa,

There is so much truth in this. I feel that I sabotage myself sometimes just when I'm really close to my goal, and that I have to "get out of my own way!" Nice job!


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

thank you stephaniedas...actually i've encountered difficulties in life that's why i tried to ask myself why do people suffer...so i've read materials that could help me explain things...

that's why it's called self parenting because only you can help yourself...even if you go to a doctor you will still be asked about your condition...


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

yes, Jean...we all do if suffer from abandonment as a child...we didn't have a good role model...thank you for the warm compliments...


Melovy profile image

Melovy 4 years ago from UK

I like how you have broken self-parenting down into 12 steps as that will give people a way to move forward. The situations and feelings you describe are universal so the hub will be of help to many.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

thank you Melovy, just like many others, i had a difficult childhood and a troubled marriage and a series of failed relationships...one night i cried out of frustration and called out to God why...He sent a messenger who helped me along the process and introduced me to Self help books...


kelleyward 4 years ago

Great Hub! I really love learning about inner-child work.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

thank you kelley for taking the time to read...yeah, we need to let the inner child grow and reach its full maturity...


KrystalD profile image

KrystalD 4 years ago from Los Angeles

I love this hub. First off, the topic is one that matters to me. My inner child has needed a lot of attention to heal. Secondly, I love the simplicity of the format and style of your hub. Finally, you writing was clear and effective. Thank you for such a meaningful contribution!


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Hello Krystal!!!it's so nice of you to come by...

the decision to write about this article is to share and let the people know that we still have hope to cure our wounded soul which has taken so much pains while growing up so as to avoid depression and compulsions in life...


sandrabusby profile image

sandrabusby 4 years ago from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, USA

raciniwa, you have done such a fantastic job of describing how to parent your inner child. I have linked it to my hub on inner figures. Hope this is OK with you. I have become one of your followers. Thanks. Sandra Busby


sunkentreasure profile image

sunkentreasure 4 years ago

JESUS LOVES YOU By BERNARD LEVINE

You are a child of God

Surround yourself with things that make you happy

Seek out people who uplift and encourage you

Live in harmony with the gifts of nature

Find 3 things to thank God for each day.

Give the world kindness and watch miracles begin

Deliver love and watch hearts glow

Change someone’s life with the power of prayer

Celebrate God’s goodness with an adoring heart

Sing joyfully to the God who loves you

Follow your heart and be true to yourself

Let your life become a beautiful gift to God

Passionately praise Jesus.

© Bernard Levine


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Hello Sandra!!!it's my honor to be linked to your hub and thank you for sharing your time on this hub...have a wonderful day!!!


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

Praise be to God for this wonderful message, I do thank you sunkentreasure for sharing the Good news to me...and yes, I always thank God for giving me the opportunity to enjoy the wonders of His creation and for blessing me with people who teach me the beauty of life...God bless you too...have a great day!!!


travel_man1971 profile image

travel_man1971 4 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

Most of the times, our human-side will always ridicule our own work, even others will throw praises on it.

As if, we always need reassurance that our output will be best in the eyes of your family, friends and admirers.

Our success and contentment will always be in full blessings if we live it all up to God.

Then, it's only then that we can savor what we have accomplished in life, especially our inner self.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

yes, for it is hard to she our super egos, and we live in a world in which the norm is living up to others expectations not our own...sometimes the word denying our self has been taken too literally that we forget the very essence of it...to listen to our heart and ask for guidance of the Higher Spirit...

thank you travel man for the enlightening comment...have a great day! take care...

always,

Raci


Danette Watt profile image

Danette Watt 4 years ago from Illinois

Hi Raci, what a thoughtful and insightful hub this is. So true that we learn our lessons in childhood and often have to re-parent ourselves in later years. voted up and beautiful


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

hello Danette!!!that's right...we really need to re parent ourselves or else we will easily be carried away by life's frustrations...


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 3 years ago from North Carolina

This is so beautiful. My inner child is alive and mischeivious. It is such a tragedy when someone looses theirs. This is a beautiful hub!


onegreenparachute profile image

onegreenparachute 3 years ago from Greenwood, B.C., Canada

Thank you for this beautiful hub! I have ignored my inner child for a long time. Your hub has re-awakened my acknowledgement of her and my desire to live with her instead of in spite of her. Thanks again.


onegreenparachute profile image

onegreenparachute 3 years ago from Greenwood, B.C., Canada

Thank you for this beautiful hub! I have ignored my inner child for a long time. Your hub has re-awakened my acknowledgement of her and my desire to live with her instead of in spite of her. Thanks again.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 3 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

hello tammy...yes, i do agree that it's difficult to lose oneself and submit oneself to others...thank you for visiting...have a great day!


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 3 years ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

hello onegreenparachute...i'm glad that you have listened to your inner voice and take her into consideration when you do something for yourself...usually our repressed aspect is our creative aspect...thank you for your comment...take care of your inner child...


Joshua 21 months ago

Your growth is dteermined by genetics, your diet, and your environment . Although you could possibly genetically be able to reach a specific height, for example, should you do not have an sufficient diet program or you reside in a polluted atmosphere you just may possibly not have the ability to reach your tallest height possible. The first step to help you grow taller is to evaluate your diet and environment. Your diet regime is one of the simplest issues which you can alter to help you turn out to be as tall as you possibly can according to your genes.A single point to note, nonetheless, is that you do stop developing at a particular time inside your life. Frequently, the finish of puberty also marks the finish of growth so you need to possess a excellent diet throughout and before puberty to develop taller. If you're currently past this point and desire to develop, then it is possible to nevertheless turn to diet plan and workout to maximize your height.


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 19 months ago from Naga City, Cebu Author

thank u for the helpful information Joshua...yes, it is very helpful to have awareness on the physical, emotional and intellectual aspects of development...it is also very important to know that the physical body grows faster than the emotional and intellectual aspect...oftentimes those two are left behind...

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