Please Don't Tell

Sorry for the detailed images!

Source

Please, please, please don’t tell

Remember the time I said I fell

Well I really didn’t I had to lie

He hurt me so bad I couldn’t cry

My body it hurts it hurts so much

My arms he grabbed and tightly clutched

I couldn’t stop him no way no how

I cannot take it no more here and now

I thought he loved me but it just hurts

Far from love he always diverts

How do I tell him I wish to leave?

Without getting blood on his sleeve

I cannot do this not now or ever

I will stand and be his lady always and forever

I believe that one day he’ll change

Although this state of mine so derange

I soak in a bath of all my tears

Hoping it will cleanse me of all my fears

I know deep inside that on day maybe

He will love me and our baby

But until then I am just a lost cause

A woman who’s addicted to his flaws

I won’t tell I will hide and let it starve

Into my soul it will cut and carve

Please again I ask you do not tell

Remember what I said I accidently fell

bellawritter23(copyright)2011

More by this Author

  • Dakota and The Female Assassins
    14

    “Whose house is that?” I asked as we drove by a wicked looking house. “Stories are told that five woman assassins live there. They are heard of but never seen “answered Travis. “Really?...


Comments 51 comments

SubRon7 profile image

SubRon7 5 years ago from eastern North Dakota

Tear-jerking, Bellawritter. I hope you got out before having to experience anything close to the same.


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

Gosh Bella the words in your poem reveal so much pain. I hope this wasn't the story of you suffering from your husband's aggression.

There are some hideous men around and I realise that it is often so difficult for the victim to leave. Something needs to be done.

This poem was so expertly written Bella. Definitely voting up and pushing those buttons. Well done.


bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

It's like I'm watching an incredible notion develop in beautiful slow motion, the world's greatest young warrioress, who with the help of some close friends, like us, can make a huge difference in one of life's due diligence.

Let's destroy all the abusers, and shelter against all women's hidden fears...

Hell yes!!!!


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Sub, Unfortunately not. This here is just a few hours out of my life. Sorry for the tears :)

Ace, It was emotions to this extent! Yes I have gone through this my goal is to hit abused woman that do not know how to say enough it is just some sort of light at the end of the tunnel I suppose! Thank you as always dear friend.

BB, as always your so supportive indeed I do not know where I would be with out you sometimes :)

bella


leni sands profile image

leni sands 5 years ago from UK

OMG - enough is enough. Every heart felt word... the imagery written here is inspiring and can only have come from one's own experience. My thoughts are with you and hope you find that inner strength to say 'enough is enough'.


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 5 years ago from Sunny Florida

bella, what a heart rendering poem. It does reflect the feelings of someone who has been physically and emotionally abused so perfectly that I suspected that you might have been talking from personal experience. I am glad you are no longer in that situation. So sad that you had to go through it. Rated up and awesome.


vietnamvet68 profile image

vietnamvet68 5 years ago from New York State

I don't understand how any woman could stay with a man that would do those things to her. Men like that I have no time for a good bullet to the brain will take care of them. That's how I feel about men who think they have a right to beat a woman or child.

God Bless


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

If this is even remotely true you need to run and now! No one deserves this and he doesn't love you and he never will because he is incapable of love. Run!


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

Hi bella, if this is close to what you went through then sadly I can relate and I can empathise.

Sadly in one respect but happy in the next because I left him nine years ago after 26 years, and if I am not mistaken then you have also found your freedom.

A brilliantly written hub bella and lots of hugs to you.

Eiddwen.


PenMePretty 5 years ago from Franklin

As Jane Velez Mitchell on HLN says: Let's fight and unite together and win the victory over: The War On Women. Hey you good men, come to our rescue. We need you. This piece is the naked truth. Thank you for sharing your heart and soul.


bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

Lets do it....

I have a plan and will write a hub soon!!


Bumpsysmum profile image

Bumpsysmum 5 years ago from Cambridgeshire

Lying to save yourself - no crime but unwittingly we continued our own pain, many hugs to you dear friend from a kindred heart :-)


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

I think, in some instances, men do not relate and cannot imagine any woman staying, but a woman with a baby has few options. That desperate dynamic keeps many women hostage. Living in a car or without health insurance and babies suffer. Women in that dire situation hold out for hope that the man really loves them, he just has anger issues or drinks too much...after all, no one is perfect, they reason. They believe the passionate promises of "never again", because they feel they made their choice and now must live with it for the sake of their children. I am curious how a man with no job and the full responsibilities of caring for young children, knowing they might be lucky to land a minimum wage job with no insurance, would live? It's often difficult to even imagine trying to keep a job with a child that gets sick and without the wages to afford daycare. Even with daycare, the child ends up sick more often being exposed to all the other working mom's who look at daycare as babysitting and take them sick or not. It's easy to envision Joan of Arc, riding off into the sunset, babe in arms, but the reality ain't so pretty. My heart goes out to you, Bella, and all the other women living like hostages.


bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

Of course Amy speaks the ultimate of truth here, but therein lies the challenge, and why so many monsters exist. They know they have the upper hand. But that does not make this horror intractable, including the separate issue of marginalized care for our most precious children.

These intolerable undertows are the failure of culture, and I for one, am dedicated to building real solutions. And look out anyone who stands in my way!!!


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

aghhh i hate when women do this. and if you did once upon a time, thank God you wised up and got out of that situation. if a man ever hits you, dont make up excuses, dont believe his "I'm sorry, it'll never happen again"s because it will. if he thinks he can get away with it once, he will no doubt do it again, if a guy ever hits me like that, it will be the last thing he does. great poem, i love the title and the beginning and the end, really tells a truth cuz so many woman today are too afraid to tell the truth, too afraid to leave, or too dumb. get out before he kills you or starts hitting the kids, take them and leave.


Bumpsysmum profile image

Bumpsysmum 5 years ago from Cambridgeshire

I must admit I've subsequently made it quite clear to all my men friends over the years, you hit me - don't fall asleep - you won't wake up! :-)


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Leni, I said enough almost two years ago. Enough was said when my larynx was almost crushed if I hadn't moved slightly to my right and I prepped for it my body stiffened and it saved my voice but I have saved myself from this abuse. Thank you for stopping by!

Koffee, Yes it is based on my personal experience! Unfortunately I had to experince this I wish for no one to encounter this I found the strength to walk from it actually run. Thanks again for the feedback.

Viet, I am her in this poem. I stayed because I loved him and wanted my family more than anything I sacrificed my soul for that but it was just to much I got out before he put me out which would have ended up happening. I started to fight back with full force and fight and I survived thank god!! Thanks for stopping by.

Pop, It is true and yes I ran very far I stuck it out for 10 years many many tears and heart aches but I am a survivor what didnt break me made me and I am here living and speaking and trying to help others who have no hope and restore it before it is too late. thank you!!

Eid, Ye it is what I went through. It is a very sad feeling as to why we felt we needed to stay but I think some have different tolerance levels and maybe we just had higher tolerance levels or maybe we were just to stupid to see the signs! Hugs and love....

Pen, I agree and yes a great man has been sent and my prayers have been answered my superman has flown in from the sky and has rescued and aided and mended this broken heart! Thank you.

bb, lol yes lets do it!!

Bumpsys, Lies after lies maybe to ourselves but others knew exactly what was going on. Especially all the ones closest to me I was a walking corpse!!Thank you!!

Amy, Having a child put an abused wman up against that wall but it shouldn't bound us to hell. But yet we still stay.... why because we believe in possibilities. Yes it is even harder now than it was back when I only had one and 20 then now at 28 with 3. I guess knowledge hit me a lot later than I expected! But thank god I said no more. Living out of my car with 3 kids was not fun :(

BB, again I agree as always Mr. Trades!!

Nikki, OH I did once upon 2 years ago not long ago but hey I was the weak one for staying I wan't strong enough to walk away I was afraid and scared How I got there I have no clue but I dealt with it and look at me now.... It is stupid for a woman to believe in hope of a man changing, but hey I was young and in love I wanted nothing more than to be married happy with children. THanks friend!!

Bumpsys, I have too my speech is You best believe you will catch me on the next episode of SNAPPED!!!!!!

smiles all

bella


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

believe me i know its hard, i may not have been abused physically, but i stayed with a guy who i knew was cheating on me repeatedly. i was soooooooo in love, and believed all his lies, and wanted to stay with him, despite what he was doing to me, i wanted the fairytale, but he was defintely a dark fairytale, a nightmare. it took one thing he said for me to get so pissed off and realize i was done. i was foolish and wanted more than anything to be enough for him, but i was never enough. and now hes married with a step child. go figure.


bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

We love our Nikki.

And hey, I could think of no better career than helping people...

You have to love Ms. Bumpsysmum's simple comment...


Bumpsysmum profile image

Bumpsysmum 5 years ago from Cambridgeshire

Trouble was 40 years ago there was little or no help, the woman frequently got the blame for a bad husband 'must be you're doing something wrong' and the old adage 'you made your bed now lie in it' was held to be a hard and fast rule. So as a result you kept quiet for fear of being labelled a failure. Funny thing though, when my dad found out the truth after 20 years of beatings he wanted to go kill him, I said he wasn't worth the sweat.

I found out many years later that his mother had been battered by his father, and his brother, who was a kind and gentle soul, tried to kill himself then died of liver failure after binge drinking for years. The only one still alive and kicking is the b****** I got married to. BUT, on a happy note, Bumpsysmum's now got a goodun :-)


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

Bella,

This is such a strong, well-written piece. It is so hard to leave a situation when you keep thinking things will change. I'm glad to hear that you got out. This will help others in similar situations as well. Best wishes!

Sharyn


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Nikki, For some odd reason I find it hard to believe that some one can come along and take what should have been yours.... My ex is a completely different person and has so much respect for his gf but yet when it comes to me he is the complete opposite. Odd a bit don't you think but oh well things happen for a reason I guess the saying one mans trash is another mans treasure!!

BB, you are just the best a well rounded man!!

bumpsys, for some reason life works in many different ways they are all test of faith and belief I believe! But hey all we can do is fight and keep pushing forward what doent break us make us Cheers friends!!

bella


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Sharyn, I believe I was put on earth to get the mesage across. Many woman cannot find the door knob that opens the door they bang on the door but there is no outlet. Well guess what there is. I just hope that this will reach woman who have been abused or are being abused and give them some sort of hope at least just let the seed be planted! Thanks for stopping by!!

bella


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

yea i dont get it either, how they can be so horrible with us and cant give us what we want but they can turn around and be that for someone else. i guess its because people are different around certain people, but i did nothing but love and take care of that a**hole! but he couldnt change for me, idk how much he changed with her, i still say they just got married for the money (he is in the army) but everything happens for a reason as you say, and i am very happy with my love now, Jason is a good guy. and im glad you and bumpsy found good guys too. no more of this abuse crap.


bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

Hell yes.. no more abuse crap. I'm thinking bumper sticker here!!

And I'm in love with Nikki's new picture =)X):P


MrDSpade2 5 years ago

No, only cowardly dudes are abusive to women, can't beat any other guys, so he fights the fairer sex.


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Nikki and bb you two I love for being who you guys are!! Hugs and more hugs!! Only the strong survive!!

Mr., Yes dudes are cowards well some not all cuz my dude is the bestest :D. he he thanks hun!!

smiles :)

bella


Spirit Whisperer profile image

Spirit Whisperer 5 years ago from Isle of Man

The poem tells a sad story and I have experienced it from the perspective of a child watching his mother being beaten by a father he loves. I wanted them to love each other but that was not going to happen. She stayed with him for 8 years before leaving him. The damage was already done. As the eldest I became him in her eyes and was always being compared to him. She needed someone to hate and I fit the bill. This seems to be common outcome in cases such as mine. Thank you for sharing this very powerful poem.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

haha id buy that bumper sticker! aww thanks bb glad you like my pic. and we love you too bella. I love you guys.


Leptirela profile image

Leptirela 5 years ago from I don't know half the time

Heartfelt. This is so touching it's left me speechless.

Not because am ignorant to the fact, we all know this kind of thing happens probably as I type this comment, It is just so scary to even think about it. But sadly, too many women (and men perhaps) stay in this kind of cage and it makes me feel powerless.

I hope anyone in this situation will find it within themselves and KNOW THAT NO ONE, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED THIS WAY :(

Thank you for sharing this. I hope that in some way, you feel a lot better that you are free of the horror... but I know, you don't forget...like any other trauma a human experiences..It never leaves the soul..But I have no idea how we are programmed to stay strong and courageous.

Vote up and awesome... the way you have written I almost feel you.. I can't say anymore I simply don't know WHAT to say..but I admire you..


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Spirit, My deepest apologies for your encounters but I am guilty as a mother that I had the habbit of doing the same with my oldest what happens is that he witnessed all the abuse in my home and carries it with anger and I am trying to teach him that it is ok to be angry but he has to let it go I talk to him and explain that what he feels is normal but abnormal when he lashes out a victim to violence he is and I am so sorry for that and try to understand his mind. Being the eldest he tends to say and do things that resemble his father because that is all he knows it angers me because he feels there is no need to respect me but I am working on it and giving him outlets to express his frustration! But thank you for expressing your self and trusting me with A memory of yours!!

Nikki, I would paste it all over my car :)

Lep, First off thank you for stopping by its always a pleasure seeing and hearing the thoughts of a new face.

Second, Yes very sad to kow that there are many cases like this one on the daily that experience this type of lifestyle. Many woman do not know how to say STOP or ENOUGH!! They are either afraid or have lost all self worth. But I hope one day I can make a standpoint for these woman with no voices!! Thank you once again!!

smiles :)

bella


shanaya profile image

shanaya 5 years ago from Living in my Own Dreams:)

Your poem tells a sad story. Thank god i havn't encountered these kind of situation.

Am so sorry for you. but i am glad that you got out. your HUB will definetly help others who is going through the same situation..keep up the good work.

PS: PICTURES are very scary..lol

"GOD BLESS YOU":) voted up.


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

It is sad indeed. No need to be sorry it was a learning experience that I have endured and accepted and have moved on. I do apologize for the images yes they are scary but the truth. Woman walk around with scared tissue and scared in the mental state and in physical state as well. Thanks for reading and stopping by!!

smiles :)

bella


jami l. pereira 5 years ago

Tragic ~ one sided love affairs suck , this brings back bad memories , i voted up and awesome , have a great day.


Plarson profile image

Plarson 5 years ago from Alabama

Bella- Talking about it is the best medicine. Abuse survives because it is a "silent crime". People as you say in the poem, lie, protectr the abuser instead of calling him out. It is all about power and control o ver someone, when there is no control in our own lives. Thank you for having the courage to start to speak out and encourage others to do the same. BB, bro, we don't know each other, but I will gladly stand with you as a fellow "good guy". -P


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

P., I have come to learn that speaking and releasing my hurt and problems has been very therapeutic for me. And I agree that it is a silent crime. Well I can only describe and exlpain my reasoning as to why I stayed but I am pretty sure many woman who have been through what I have been through would say the same reason. But all I know is that I am not quite happy yet and have not fully let go of all the pain caused it takes time to heal and I have fresh scars still but I will be patient as I have and allow for time to mend this broken heart. N I have two good fellow friends now you and Billy Bear!!!

smiles :)

bella


bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

You know I'm there and love you E., and a big billy bear hug for today...k..

I'll have to check out Mr. P's world, obviously a fellow "good guy" for sure. We need Nikki's bumper sticker all over our cars (mine a little Cabrio, to be painted to look like a Ferrari F1...hah).

Seriously though, we're at freakin' war here and Bella's our trumpeter. The monsters of the shadows are going to be destroyed...


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Yes they will Billy Bear!!!!

smiles :)

bella


Plarson profile image

Plarson 5 years ago from Alabama

Bella- LOVE the new pic!!! With you as the point of the sword, I have no doubts that "monsters of the shadows" shall have a formidable foe. -P

Mr Bear, keep the cabrio look, now adays it's a rarier look than the F1. lol Paul


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

P., Thank you for the compliment! lol I may be sharp sometimes like the point of the sword :)

smiles :)


bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

Ha ha ha ... I don't know what sharper than a knife is, or even a scalpel, but Bella's wit is way beyond those...

And Ok then, P., Formula Cabrio it is, covered in Nikki's bumper stickers...

Love you bbE...thanks mountains for making me so happy when it's you who really deserves it...


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 5 years ago

You make people understand that no one should ever suffer and feel such pain.Very moving words and the pictures tore at my heart strings.Thanks for sharing.


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Dream, no I really wished that physical abuse never existed. thank you for stopping by it is appreciated.

bella


tim kenner profile image

tim kenner 5 years ago from Greater Orange County

i understand this from a real perspective and so appreciate the way you beautifully share your heart, very transparent, real and strong even in the midst of such a dark place, bless you :)


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Tim, Welcome. I appreciate your thoughtful words and appreciate the fact that you were able to find it strong in its own way.

bella


Field-Of-Flowers profile image

Field-Of-Flowers 5 years ago from Midwest, USA

Hi bellawritter23,

I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of the abuse. I know all too well what abuse is like. My heart goes out to you. I'm so glad you got out of that relationship.

What goes around, comes around. The way you treat people will come back to you. And when it does, it is much worse than what you dished out to others. Thats my viewpoint on it. I've seen it in the lives of those who have abused me. They are all affected in one way or another. The worse thing thats happened... one of them died.

Thank you for sharing this heart~wrenching poem. Many big hugs coming your way... God bless you!! :-)


ubanichijioke profile image

ubanichijioke 5 years ago from Lagos

So hard to tell. I think telling is a part of liberation. But since you can live with it, i feel for you. One day he will change. Great piece


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

It was very liberating and felt like a monkey lifted thanks for stopping by and paying me a visit :)

bella


blondey profile image

blondey 5 years ago

touching story and poem, it gives insight to those who haven't been thru this, to see the reasons, thought, and pain behind the staying.

I like it very much...I can identify with hanging around for abuse in my case verbal, and feeling addicted to it.

Great write.

It might give someone the boost they need.

God bless!

xo


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Blondey, thanks for the visit I was a victim and am now a survivor. I hope it reaches others who may not have the strength to get up and walk away from this type of lifestyle.

smiles :)

bella


stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 4 years ago from Australia

Haunting and disturbing because it's so sad. No woman should ever need to go through such abuse :(

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working