Warning: Relationships & Shame
Shame ruins relationships on every level, including personal and professional levels. It has nothing good to offer the person entrapped by it's spell. Shame crippers our lifestyle and stops us from enjoying the basic essences of life such as childhood, friendships, going to school, meeting someone special, getting a good job, getting marriage and having children. Therefore, in order to enjoy a wonderful personal as well as social life within our circle of influence, we must confront our shame.
Many reasons exist for shame. One such reason may be our negative profile of ourselves. We feel that we haven't accomplished anything in life. We compare ourselves to others who seem to progress day after day. We feel ashamed that our life is at a stand still. Others always seem to be better than us in social ability as well as financial acquisition . They seem to have lots of friends and close family ties. They can afford the latest fashions and styles with money left over. However, we may struggle with our finances and can barely pay your bills. In stead of owning an automobile, we may stand on the bus stop awaiting the next bus, many times in the rain.
Shame & Avoidance
One of the symptoms of shame is avoidance. We dread going around people because we are so self-conscious of being judged. Because people are looking at us we become stilted in our actions and reactions. In the company o f others, we constantly feel awkward and uncomfortable until we dismiss ourselves. We often avoid such crowds whenever we can because we are afraid of facing our own weaknesses. But this is one of the greatest solutions to shame as well as fear. We must come to face, know and accept ourselves as we are, without exception. Our status in life must not be based upon the experiences of others but it must be based on who we are and our potential to make a difference in the world. We are incredible people. Each one of us has more to offer than we could ever imagine. Without this conviction, our world and relationships will suffer on every level.
Impact On Romantic Relationships
Shame can ruin our romantic relationships, whether it is with a girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse. Those who are severely engulfed by shame may suffer for lack of intimacy with their significant other. A aromatic relationship can only be sustained by the expression of intimate feelings for one another. A person who is plagued with shame will find intimacy difficult Her spouse or boyfriend will barely know how she feels about him. A husband with shame can not properly express loving feelings to his wife. This lack of initiate communication can cause a wife or husband to seek such intimacy with elsewhere with another partner. Human nature requires the expression of deep love in order to remain happy and content. Most relationships go sour without the bonding power of intimacy.
Impact On Family Relationships
In family relationships, shame can isolate us from love ones who are most important in our lives. When we are crippled by shame we may avoid meaningful interaction with the family. Many family members who battle shame stay closed up in their rooms and rarely comes out except to eat. However, this shame could be the result of some kind of emotional, psychological or physical abuse by some other family member. Nevertheless, the shame must be dealt with immediately. The causes must be searched out by other caring family members in order to reduce the problem. People living in isolation within their own family are not only facing the agony of shame but also the potential for depression and hopeless that could lead to thoughts of suicide. The family should always be our ultimate support in times of crisis. Without such connection, the consequences of shame could be fatal.
Impact On Academic Relationships
Shame can affect our academic life with our teachers and fellow students if we are in school. If we are ashamed we will not engage the teacher when regarding a question or idea we don't understand. We will not participate in classroom discussions when the opportunity presents itself. In many classes, interaction with teacher and fellow students is part of the grading scale. Non participation could mean the difference between a letter C grade or A grade. Those
Wrestling with Shame
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students who can not defy shame in the classroom will mostly likely score low on exams and quizzes. This is because shame makes us feel that we are not good enough to be successful in school. While in class we may feel that all the other students are better than us because they ask a lot of questions and seem to have all the answers for teachers.
Impact On Workplace Relationships
In the work place, shame can ruin the relationships with a boss as well as other co-workers. At work, the successful completion of task depends on the interaction and understanding of the good teams. Good communication is required by all team members. However, anyone on the team who is tormented with shame will become a liability to the success of the team, resulting in operational chaos. Employees who are hampered by shame will stay at a low level of performance and will be looked ignored when it come to getting a promotion.
Confronting and Overcoming Shame
In order to eliminate shame from ruining our lives, it must be faced. The first thing to do is to acknowledge that we need help. The next thing is to reveal this psychological problem to those who we trust. When we release a secret that has been hurting us, we feel a sense of freedom. The more we are open with our shame, knowing that it is a temporary inner flaw, the more deliverance will take place within our world and affair. Many people will be glad to encourage and support us in our journey from bondage. And the more we confront the potential for laughter and ridicule the more we can break loose. Often we find that our assumptions were only illusions. People will mostly likely appreciate us for our courage to go forward than our unwillingness to face our weaknesses.
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