Questions Forbidden for Men to Ask on Their Wedding Night
(WRITER'S NOTE: Finally. After many months of gathering my courage, "the" hub I have kept hidden is now here for your education (men only) and enjoyment. Thanks ahead of time for your reading this hub and the laughs I hope it gives. Kenneth)
The first part of this piece has to be written with “kid keyboard,” for just one misused word or phrase, and AdSense or HubPages would be forced to “flag” my story, and honestly, I do not want that.
The wedding night cannot aptly be described by any mortal being. I do not care if they are of the very enlightened plane or even able to read my mind, it is virtually and cosmically-impossible to put into fitting words just how glorious and uncharted happiness the wedding night brings to a wedded couple who are so in-love, they forget what sleep means. Or what meal time stands for. This, all of my wonderful followers, is “real love.”
Complete spiritual, physical, and mental bliss; euphoric atmosphere; total-commitment and a unifying of souls and bodies that are only fused within the martial bed. I think this will do for describing “the” wonderful end-result of a man and woman’s “I do’s,” the marriage reception, and the excitement mixed with a pumping-anticipation to be alone with their life-mate and to willfully become one with each other.
THIS IS A TOUCHY SUBJECT--I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE
But. And you know as well as I do that there was a “but” in here somewhere, so I will explain this touchy subject to you.
The groom in all probability, is always “the” one who will do this embarrassing act. To take up for this “Nervous Ned,” who has never been in this situation with any woman, he has so much to think about, so most guys who are eaten-up with nerves, resort to talking to settle down. But sometimes the talking, without him meaning to, can slip into a series of . . .
Questions That Are Forbidden to ask on Your Wedding Night
(Note: imagine that right now, a young groom, who’s name is not that important, is waiting patiently on the marriage bed dressed in his favorite Top Gun PJ’s complete with feet to keep his toes warm, and he is wearing his mind out striving to create just the right questions to ask his new bride, “the” love of his life. Treat him gently. Kenneth).
- “What size shoes do you wear, honey? I forgot.”
- “Hey, when we get over, I mean, back from the honeymoon, I want us to head to Tampa. I know that there are some terrific-looking condoms down there and I want us to buy one.”
- “You “are” showering in there, right?”
- “Baby, I want this night to be special for you, so would you mind terribly if we discuss your past loves?”
- “Do you happen to have something to eat in your purse?”
- “Sweetie, you know last week when we were at the zoo, and you wanted to see the snakes? Why were you so fascinated with the pythons rather than the little garden snakes?”
- “Did you happen to pass your physical?”
- “Huneee, why are you laughing? Some new brides cry when they get in the bathroom.”
- “Do you mind if I give my old college buddy, “Frank,” a call?”
- (talks softly to “Frank”: “Shhh, hey, buddy. Now will you please refresh my memory about what is on page 33 of the Wedding Night Handbook?”
- “Just why are you taking so long? You’d think that that this was your first time!”
- “Errr, it “is” your first time, right?”
- “You don’t mind ugly pictures that I drew on my stomach with a permanent marker when I was six, do you?”
- “Have I told you in the last hour how much you love me?”
- “While you finish, you mind if I take a snort nap?”
- “How much money do you have in your checking account, sweetie?”
- “Do you want me to wear my PJ’s or not?”
- “Hey, are these apples and assorted candies for me?”
- “Baby, are you still awake? You’re not to doze off for at least a half-hour.”
- “Oh, sweetie, I overheard “Janice,” your promiscuous friend say something about “dogs and their style,” and I just want to know what she meant?”
- “Did I tell you before the wedding just how much you look like my mother?”
- “Do what? What do I need a lawyer for?”
Coming soon . . .”How Easily Donna Reed Would Handle Terrorism”
Do not let this groom be YOU, men
This is how your wedding night should be
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To Emmett Kelly.