Raise your hand if you love sex, and miss it

Gotta get that!

Kiss Me
Kiss Me | Source

Who wants some?

Abstinence sucks. Especially when you love sex. And I'm no fool-- if I really wanted some, I'd go to my local bar. But for me, sex is more about the connection between two humans that find each other in this vast world and share the ultimate intimacy. That is what sets us aside from animals. Although, after a few months of choosing a dry-spell rather than cheap sex, I'd really consider doing it "like they do on the Discovery Channel."

As a freelance writer who specializes in relationships, dating, love and women's issues, I've had the joy of writing advice on how important sex is in a relationship. While researching these topics, I learn a lot of valuable information myself, which I take great pleasure in passing along to my readers. When I read about how women can improve their love life by honing their inner goddess, I got all excited about trying it out for myself. Now here's the clincher: I've been abstinent for over four months, and my last "fling" was counted in hours. So much for putting all the research to the test.

With that said, I will now share my priceless knowledge about how to make your mate crazy about you by becoming a sex vixen:

  • Be confident of yourself, inside and out. That means love yourself for who you are, and accept your flaws without judgement. How can anyone be turned on by you if you think you are less than a hot, sexy thang!
  • Pleasure yourself, often. When you know your own body, and what turns you on, you'll be a better teacher for your mate. Plus, the orgasms you encounter will really make your day.
  • Learn to be a pro. Sorry, but thinking you're doing enough by providing your flesh isn't going to do the trick. Know what to do to make your mate sing with pleasure, and find out how awesome it feels to be the one to give great pleasure. Ask for guidance, if you have to.
  • Don't be afraid to explore. Fun is about being open-minded and flirty. If it means letting go of inhibitions in awkward locations or doing positions you've never tried before-- go for it! When you're not in church, all bets are off, and your partner will appreciate your ability to go outside the box when it comes to finding intimacy.
  • Be spontaneous. This is probably the most important factor to keeping long term relationships from becoming boring. Wear a wig, dress up in sexy lingerie, surprise your mate with a quickie on top of the dryer. Be creative!
  • Don't make excuses; make love. When in doubt, think about how much you love and care for your partner. You might feel tired, stressed or numb, but if you just put yourself in his or her shoes, and realize how much it means to reconnect, then you will quickly realize that sex is good for both of you. Plus, I've heard that it cures headaches. It's worth investigating.
  • Enjoy it. My goodness, do I have to say that? Is there anyone who doesn't? Well, that's a sad tragedy. To be able to share your most private, intimate space with someone you (preferably) love is a gift that should be savored when possible, and often.

Now that I've shared this invaluable knowledge, I hope that you will put it to the test. I sure would, but there is no warm body whom I've fallen deeply in love with at my side, presently. If you have someone, cherish the moment!

More by this Author


Comments 57 comments

T-Parker profile image

T-Parker 5 years ago from Greater Toronto Area

A hand half-raised in memory of the jubilance of love-making as opposed to mere F^@K!NG - I've NEVER had a more satisfying sexual-experience than that of collaborating in the conception of my Son, and unless I come to connect with another woman as intimately as that in the future, I certainly don't expect to. I've always thought of the sex-act itself as a part of a deeper, more intimate connection between people than sensationalism presents it all - and I don't think I'm wrong. Western idealists often say that "sex is not love" - but I think they're underestimating what REAL sex is - because sex is ONLY real if it's an expression of love... IMHO anyway.

Great hub, and more than follow-worthy!


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 5 years ago from Southern California Author

Awesome assessment, T-Parker! Cheers to your pleasure! Thanks for the comment.


rambansal profile image

rambansal 5 years ago from India

Yes, very true - in love, no excuses, just go for it..


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 5 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks for that, rambansal... I was going to write "just do it," like Nike says, but I don't want to have copyright infringement.


Roxanne! 5 years ago

Hi Sheila, great article! I have a friend who has been married a LONG time with a VERY healthy sex life. And she seems to know that it is not supposed to be a chore! We were joking the other day that I am the only one who has not accidentally walked in on them! Lol. She has a saying, the bedroom is for sleeping and whoopie, no tv! LOL!


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 5 years ago from Southern California Author

Hey, Roxanne! Your friend sounds like an awesome lady. In my next relationship, the TV will be OFF from now on in my bedroom. Good point! Thanks for the comment!


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

i went without for five years. When I met my future wife, we were in bed within two hours and we still have a great sex life in marriage.. Good article. I actually do know some people who don't enjoy sex, my mom being one of them.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago

Excellent Hub!

You sound like a Scorpio! LOL! One of many problems with dating is both people start off with high sex drives. It's only after you've been together or year to 18 months that you find out if you are truly in sync. My feeling especially for couples who are married is (If you are going to be each other's "last lovers" you may as well strive to be each other's "best lover".)You can't do that unless you know your own body well enough to instruct your mate and have the same desire to please them. Loved your hub and voted it up!

Awhile back I wrote 2 hubs you might find interesting.

https://pairedlife.com/physical-intimacy/waysforwo...

http://hubpages.com/relationships/badsexendsrelati...


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 5 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks again, scorpio... I'm aware of Scorpios, since my mother is one, and my father is a Taurus like me... very dangerous in the passion department. Anyway, yes, people pretend a lot, but I'm an open book, wear my heart on my sleeve and put 100% into everything I do. I was married 15 years, and yet, I've never felt more horny than I am now. It could just be that I'm at the age of women to become comfortable in their own skin. Either way, being on the same level with a partner is the BEST! Thanks for the kind words... give me a chance and I'll read up on more of your hubs.


ExquisiteExtacy profile image

ExquisiteExtacy 4 years ago from Perth

great article..u r cool


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

...well that's why I have this cat sitting on my lap - lol - and I'm not lying to the lads when I tell them I am going home to a little pussy - lol lol - actually that is my mum's cat Little Miss Tiffy and my other best friend is Mister Gabriel - a big boy of a white cat who is deaf and loves to go for walks on his leash.

Love your writing style here - it's frank, fresh, spontaneous, witty and so true - I will post this most thoughtful and provocative hub to my Facebook page with pride and passion and a direct link back here - so nice to meet and I wish you good health and happiness in the coming new year

lake erie time ontario canada 5:38pm


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Nice, epigramman.... I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the kind gesture. My best wishes to all for the new year, and let's all "get" more. ;)


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Thanks to Epi, I found this hub on my Facebook page. Awesome! Great subject matter and well-written. Inspiring, too! :-) Voted up, awesome, interesting!


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

Hi Victoria nice to see you here .... and yes your hub is a big hit on my Facebook page at lake erie time ontario canada 5:37am after arriving home from night shift - now I will look for another one of your hubs to post


Prophecy Image profile image

Prophecy Image 4 years ago from Chicago

Great Hub! I'm going to have to let me y wife read it


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks Victoria-- I sure hope I inspired at least a few to try having some fun for me (I live vicariously through my readers, ha!).

Thanks again for the support Epi! What a blessing to have found you.

Prophecy: hopefully she will pick up on the humor and not take it the wrong way. Here's to wishing you get lucky instead!


Lone Ranger 4 years ago

Sheila:

In my experience, if one is unable to control the urge to practice one's procreative skills, one is likely to end up an emotional basket-case with serious trust and abandonment issues. Playing with passion is like playing with fire: It's a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.

Be well, behave, and be good - L.R.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks for that, Lone Ranger: I'm a good girl, promise! I do miss the act, but I'm under control (for the most part). No plans to become a basket case. I'll take each day as it comes (and slow) and when it's good and ready, my love life will pick up. Thanks again!


Winsome profile image

Winsome 4 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Hi Shiela, I enjoyed your openness in this article. When you feel you can unconditionally approve of someone and honestly like them for who they are, not just how they make you feel--lovemaking can be the most spontaneous and wonderful experience there is.

As hard as it may seem, I think we should ignore the go ahead from the body until we get the one from the heart. =:)


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

I love that assessment, Winsome. I will certainly do my best to think that way in the future. Time to put all I've learned to the test. Appreciate the comment, thanks!


Lone Ranger 4 years ago

Sheila:

Be careful about trusting the heart; it is fickle and is easily deceived.

Be well - L.R.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks for looking out for me, L.R. I totally know what you mean. My heart fooled me for over 15 years, so I know that it's true.


Poetic Fool 4 years ago

Awesome article! Your attitude towards sex is great! It should be explorative, playful, fun and stimulating to the max. That takes a conscious effort sometimes and a desire to be attuned to your lover and yourself. Nice write! Thanks for being bold enough to write so openly. It's refreshing!


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

I wholeheartedly agree Rick! Caring about your partner's needs is the ultimate act of love. And a good sex life can make or break a relationship. What could be more perfect than two lovers who are equally committed to seeing their partner happy? I'm hopeful to some day know how that feels. Meanwhile, I'm feeling like the nun with impure thoughts here....


Poetic Fool 4 years ago

Ha, funny, the nun comment that is. Yeah, you're right about it making or breaking a relationship. I know all too well. Here's hoping ...


TycoonSam profile image

TycoonSam 4 years ago from Washington, MI

Both hands up. Holy smokes, is it HOT in here or is it just me?

Voted up Hot and Steamy


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Ha! You made me laugh, TycoonSam-- thanks! I just read it again, and I think you're right: it is warming up a bit.


isenhower33 profile image

isenhower33 4 years ago from Crothersville, IN

Very Interesting Hub here ;) Big key of why most guys/girls dont have a better time in the bedroom and feel like they're never satisfied is due to lack of communication. Lack of communication in the bedroom can lead to divorce and breakups. Reason being is because sex is an important part of a relationship. You don't have to be a stud in the bedroom to know what your woman likes and doesn't like. Also be creative when it comes to this, every once in a while make it an adventure together. You might like how it turns out. Again though, lack of communication. Girl don't just expect that guy is going to find the honey, sometimes you have to lead the bear there lol Remember that no two girls are the same so if you don't tell him what you like in the bedroom how the heck is he supposed to know. Give him a map where X marks the spot lol It's so simple but people tend to not voice what they want in the bedroom leading to breakups. Nobody likes sexual frustration and it cause more stress. Guys if you want your girl to stop thinking about if she forgot to get milk at the store then you need to keep her mind on what's at hand. If you keep her entertained she'll say screw the milk bring on the goodtimes....My advice is copyrighted so if you use this in the bedroom pay me $1 lol haha :)


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

How did you become so wise so young? There are men my age (around 40) that don't know half of what you wrote. Shoot. You give me hope. Thanks. Meanwhile, I'll keep holding out for a guy who can match my assets.


isenhower33 profile image

isenhower33 4 years ago from Crothersville, IN

I study hard :) I'm glad I could give you hope :)


Kyricus profile image

Kyricus 4 years ago from Ohio

Very Good Hub, I especially appreciate your 6th point, Don't make excuses; make love.

My last long term relationship broke up over a lack of sex. It's no fun being in a relationship with someone who no longer desires sex, but also, no longer considers your desires on the matter. Sometimes, you do things because you love the other person, not always because you want to do it.

People do need to step back and put themselves in the other person's shoes, and consider not only your needs and wants, but theirs also. Both Men and Women.


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

Awesome hub! "surprise your mate with a quickie on top of the dryer." Lol. voting up!


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks for that, and now I have another visual that can make me remorseful as I wait....


Not John Smith 3 years ago

You don’t miss sex!

If you were just horny, then you could masturbate and solve the problem quite easily.

What you miss is being held by a man. The comfort and reassurance of being pulled tightly against him, and feeling the security and security that comes from that.

That’s what you want. That’s what all lonely women want! Why else are they jumping into bed with me? They don’t even know my last name!

But, they are coming home with me to get the feeling of comfort that comes from being held tightly, and being caressed. You see, I seduced her with gentle caresses on her face and hair. She loved that feeling, and she wants more of it. I’m too tired for sex this evening. I don’t have the energy for hours and hours of foreplay. That’s why I selected this older woman. She just wants to be held, and pulled close. And, I like that feeling too, of doing that with her. She is soft and erotic and I enjoy the warmth of her body against mine. That’s why she is here, with me now.

Learn the difference between sexual needs and emotional needs. Otherwise you will waste your time with men who only want sex, when what you really need is love and comfort and affection.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

Well said, John-- right again! I know now that it's the emotional connection I'm most hungry for, and I'm not going to settle for crumbs. I want the whole loaf and I deserve it. I know what I can offer and expect the same in return.

Thanks for sharing that. Now it's time to start planning my escape from the boondogs I'm trapped in!


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

Awesome hub! I agree with your views that sex is more about the connection between two humans that find each other in this vast world and share the ultimate intimacy. The commenter above made a very good point and so very true. quoting what he said, "learn the difference between sexual needs and emotional needs; otherwise, you will waste your time with men who only want sex, when what you really need is love, comfort and affection. And this you can only find in a secure and loving relationship. Like you said, if you are looking for sex, there's plenty of bars where a woman can go and find it; however, if you are looking for quality men, clubs and bars are not the place to find this. These days, the majority of men are on the prowl and will feed you any type of bull shit line just to get in your pants.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 3 years ago

I can't say I've ever had it. What's it like?


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

I'm well aware of that, too, lovedoctor! Guys are pros at doing whatever it takes to bag a babe-- I'm no longer playing that game, though. It will take a lot more of consistent behavior to win my affections. Thanks for commenting!

Epi: it's awesome-- you need to try it! Oh gosh, just the thought of how many months I've gone without is depressing. Ugh!


epigramman profile image

epigramman 3 years ago

...well I'm talkin' 54 years - I'm not even a born again virgin.

I am just born.


James-wolve profile image

James-wolve 3 years ago from Morocco

I raise two hands lol Thanks so much for this perspective.I enjoy reading it .It is also a good exercise to burn calories lol Well ,It is such an important thing not because it’s so crucial to be having it for its sake but because it’s such a serious barometer for the health and intimacy level of a relationship.

I VOTED UP.

Many Blessings to you.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks, James-wolve!


CriticalMessage profile image

CriticalMessage 3 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

"Abstinence sucks." - No truer words to be shared in regards to sexuality... I loved the openess that just came out in this hub... More people need to be less self suppressed when it comes to this topic that you presented so eloquently... ~smiles~ Are you busy next Friday Night? ~grins~


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

CriticalMessage-- thanks for that, and no. Let's do happy hour. ;)


beibe profile image

beibe 3 years ago

Critical is right, Abstinence sucks-but after three years it didn't hurt as much and now going on seven I've learnt to channel my energies into positive directions instead of the major depression I wallowed in for almost half a decade. I miss the pleasure of fore play as much or more than the act of lovemaking. I had a colostomy in 07 and it really put a damper on my confidence and I just withdrew from relationships all together. I recently found a doctor that could reverse this and so trying to start anew is strangely frightening. I don't want anything to do with online dating so hopefully I can overcome the awkwardness of trying that first connection and re-join the mainstream of romance once again. Thank you for your remarkable hubs, they help my confidence knowing that other folk share the same insecurities.


penlady profile image

penlady 3 years ago from Sacramento, CA

Great hub! I admire you for being so openly honest about how you're feeling sexually.

It's also some excellent points made on this hub that I hope you consider for the sake of getting what you deserve, which is love. You don't want to just settle for lust. In the end, it leaves you lonely and empty.

Voted up and interesting.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

Very intuitive assessment, penlady-- on the target! Thanks for stopping by with your comments.


Not John Smith 3 years ago

Women are really hoping to get two things during sex.

First, she wants emotional intimacy. She wants you to know that you like her, if only a little. She wants a man to pull her close and make her feel needed and wanted. She wants a man who takes at least a few minutes to listen to her thoughts and feelings. Oftentimes, a woman will have sex with me just because she wants someone who will listen and pay attention to her. I don’t kid myself and believe that I am this handsome stud. I know that a woman is just lonely and she wants some affection, and I am her most likely candidate, for getting that.

So, I try to do all of these things. There is an unspoken deal in place, during sex. The woman is hoping to be liked, at least a little bit. She wants some reassurance that she is worthwhile, and desirable. I try to provide that.

And second, she wants enjoyable sex, where she gets to have a climax too. That means she needs a lot of foreplay, to get her aroused. Then, she needs expert clitoral and vaginal stimulation too, so she can climax. I do all of this. I watch carefully, and make sure the woman is very aroused, before the sex ever begins.

The easiest way to get a woman to climax is with toys or oral sex. But, doing these things takes skills. You have to learn how woman enjoy being stimulated with a vibrator. You have to learn how to tease her clitoris to a climax with it. Too hard or too rough or being in the wrong place will NOT make it happen.

Oral sex works the same way. You need to learn where and how and when. And, you do this by watching carefully, and responding to her behavior. Once you get good at it, you reach the point where you can prolong the pleasure for the woman, by intentionally keeping her right on the edge of her climax for a long time. For me, this is a lot of fun, watching her as she makes all sorts of noise and struggles to climax as I keep her close.

Intercourse works the same way. It’s not just sticking it in and going up and down. Rather, you want to do the intercourse in a way that creates maximum pleasure for the woman. That means fucking her slowly, and maximizing each and every stroke, for her pleasure. It means doing lots of clitoral stimulation too, while you have intercourse.

I could write a book about all the various things that I do. For example, making sounds is exciting for women. I call it the sounds of conquest. The sounds will stimulate a woman’s mind, and make the sex super-exciting for her.

Bottom line is this. If you make a woman feel emotional closeness and provide with her with lots of sexual pleasure, you will get a lot more repeat sex from her. Give her ten days or so. Wait until she is ovulating. She will come back in a short skirt and secretly hope that you will take her and spank her perfectly, just like you did the last time that you were together.

That’s exactly what you want, by the way. You want the woman sitting across from you, shifting uncomfortably in her seat, as she wonders what you will be doing with her later, after you are alone together.


Michael 3 years ago

I agree with what you are saying, but lack the hope that things will change in my life. And where did you get the kiss me photo above?


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

I painted that.


Michael 3 years ago

It is beautiful, sexy and heart warming.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were describing me. Thanks, Michael.


Michael 3 years ago

Oh, I am describing you! (As if I know you so well. lol) It has been over 3 months since I posted last. Hopefully things are looking brighter for you in all regards, but especially finding that someone who matches you wants and needs.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks for the well wishes, Michael. Patience is a virtue and I'm experiencing the advanced edition. That's not to say I don't miss it, or the parts aren't working. Life is just under construction for me right now and the emotional connection with someone isn't on the top of my priority list. At least I've learned to cope and don't use physical pleasure to fill in the gap.


Michael 3 years ago

I am sure your are a strong well oiled machine in proper working condition. On my end of the spectrum, I have the opposite situation, which I commented on before (I'm married living, what I call an almost celibate life; not my choice). Anyway, it's the cards that have been dealt and we deal with them the best we can; "cope."


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

Sorry to hear that, Michael. Although I used to believe "marriage is forever," I know in my heart that it's not supposed to tie you permanently into a hopeless, empty situation. You should NOT be celibate (by choice or otherwise). Goodness knows I hate being that by default. But, without a loving, committed relationship, here I am, single and all.

It's my wish for everyone to find inner peace and harmony with others. If you can't compromise a way to find that connection, it's perfectly in line to walk away. However, I know that when you're inside the eye of the storm, getting out seems like the impossible. I was lucky my ex "threw me out" and I've since gained clarity. I try to steer others toward the light from this knowledge, but it's a personal journey we all make when we're ready.

Good luck to you.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 2 years ago from Southern California Author

Any good news on your end, Michael?


Shaan 2 years ago

Ani grils call me.....Hi grils i live in kolkata....M-8420210550

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working