Real Danger Areas After Breaking Up With a Gorgeous Girl
Your girlfriend is beyond description.
She was your dream since the 10th grade. You ate, sleep, and breathed her every living moment of your day. No matter if you were in class, you had her on your mind. Although you were a straight "A" student with a perfect self-control grade, you were scolded by your English teacher for gazing at your girlfriend out of her classroom window. What guy wouldn't stare if their girlfriend were the head cheerleader?
You sometimes dwell on how nervous you were the first time you asked her out. "Sure, honey! I will go out with you," she said that perky, upbeat tone of voice. You were so happy that you almost fainted. In short, she was everything you wanted in a girlfriend.
Time does change almost everything.
Here you two were in the latter days of your senior year of college. She was still the head cheerleader and still your girlfriend. Your happiness if measured on a "Happiness Gauge," would drive the needle way past "Can't Be Measured."
Your dating ritual was almost clockwork. You picked her up at 8 p.m., Friday night and 7 p.m., on a Saturday night. Why the hour's difference? You did not wonder about such unimportant details you were so love with this "Earth Goddess."
Then it happens.
Maybe it was this routine of picking her up at the same times. Or maybe it was her always wanting you to take her to the same restaurant, cinema, mini-golf course, and on Sundays, she always wanted to go walking in the park. You never dreamed that you would secretly grow weary of being with who was possibly the sexiest, prettiest girl on earth. But you did.
And in a very pragmatic fashion, you painstakingly talked to her one night for three hours about how "you" needed some space and to sort out some things, but you and her could still date, but not as boy and girlfriend.
She broke down and cried, "are we breaking up? Are we?"
"Uhhh, yeah. I guess we are," you sheepishly replied but you were rejoicing inside.
She began to settle down after you labored to convince her that it was not her fault, but yours.
Actually, you had mixed emotions when the break-up became a reality. You shed a few tears as you drove home. But at least you were back on your own and by your own terms. You let your bravado talk to you on that dark night as you heard it say, "Hey, are you a man or a wimp? Men do not succumb to a woman's every whim and wish." That advice from yourself helped you to get a good night's sleep.
Today is a new day for you.
After awaking, showering, and eating a hearty breakfast. You began to relax and really feel good about things between you and your now-ex-girlfriend. "I am free," you said to your bathroom mirror. "My days of being worn-down by a female were over. No more worrying. And the best part is: she never threw a hissy fit, threw things at you or threatened your life," you say as you get dressed for work.
"No more girl trouble for this guy," you laugh as you head to work. I hate to put it to you like this, but your troubles are just starting because obviously you do not know . . .
Real Danger Areas After Breaking Up With a Gorgeous Girl
- Her Friends - - yes, those girls who were in her "crew," who all but worshipped her, agreed with everything she said because your "ex" was so warm and caring about them. These girls are now your sworn enemies. They will probably track you down and run surveillance on you and then when you are not expecting it, they will reek vengeance upon you for hurting their BFF.
- Your Friends - - yes, your friends. Your long-time buddies who all but hung on every word and thought you delivered. You were their hero and they had a secret pact to "have your back" no matter what. But not anymore. Now you are looked upon as an ignorant, self-centered jerk for breaking-up with a girl that they never stood a chance to get. One day your "ex" buddies and her life-long girlfriends will team-up and friend, you best have a great bunker in which to hide while you are being attacked for hurting their sweet friend.
- Your Parents - - will suddenly give you the cold shoulder and probably stop asking you to eat with them on Sundays after church. Why? They loved your beautiful girlfriend who was so caring, helpful, and attentive to their stories and needs.
- Her Parents - - oh, do not think about her parents ever thinking of you as nothing more than "Mr. Jerk-O," for hurting their little girl and by the way, she is their only child. I bet you now wish you had "that" cold Friday night to do over, huh?
- The Restaurant Owner - - where she always wanted you to take her is owned by her "Uncle Wally," who used to treat you like a member of the family, but not anymore. You now know why you were treated with such crappy service and shunned by the waiters when you tried to eat in this place two weeks after you broke up with "Wally's" niece. Oh, did I tell you that "Wally," is rumored to be a member of the Mafia. I am not saying anymore.
- Officer "Joe" - - who walked the beat, walked her to school when she was just a little girl. He and his wife could not have kids, so he thought of her as their little girl, but now "you" are on his "Bad List." So when you are in his jurisdiction, you best drive below the speed limit, buckle your seat belt, never break even the most-redmedial traffic laws or else, "Officer Joe" will stop you, embarrass you, and take you to Police Headquarters for more questions which range from what is your real name to why you treated "his" little girl like dirt.
- "Rev. Wilson" - - your church pastor. He is a truly-devoted man of God. He serves his members and community with love, care and understanding. Yeah, he does all of that for these people, but not you. Each time you go to worship, he ignores you and he was the one who baptised you. You'd think that of all people, "Rev. Wilson," a follower of Jesus, would be "the" one you could talk to and cry on his shoulder, but at the end of your last worship service and you were walking out of your church, he glared at you like you were of the Devil.
- "Socko, Your Rat Terrier" - - well, when "Socko," bit you last night for no reason, then growled at you, you started to realize that breaking-up with your girlfriend was a huge mistake. A bigger error in judgement was alway taking your girlfriend to your apartment for some make-out time and "Socko" instantly loved your now-ex more than you ever knew. This sudden change has scarred him for life and he will require the services of an animal therapist and maybe anti-depressants for dogs.
- Your Doctor - - needless to say, sharing your stories about your girlfriend with him was a huge mistake. He grew to appreciate a girl of her caliber, character, and social status. But what turned him against you was you telling him how she volunteered every summer to work in Panama with underprivileged kids with mumps, measles, and chicken pox. And how her family gave a huge donation to his alma mater where he graduated medical school.
- Your Old Football Coach - - called you immediately after you broke-up with your girlfriend who tutored his daughter in Math studies all as a favor and not for pay. He chewed you out worse than he did when you were so slow in learning the playbook when you were in high school.
So what should you do now?
- Well, I advise you to:
- Live a low-profile life.
- Eat at out-of-the-way restaurants even if the food stinks.
- Change churches and your phone number.
- Leave your parents as well as her parents alone.
- If you get sick, go to the free clinic down the street.
- Get plastic surgery.
- Get a new name, identity, job, and residence.
- May a year-long sabbatical to Columbia is in order.
- Join a monestary. You might be a great monk.
You should "be out of the woods" when this blows over in about 12 to 15 years.
My last piece of advice to you: Learn patience.
Breaking up: Serious business.
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Ahhh, love with the perfect mate. It can be great, but only if you know how to defend your relationship.
To Emmett Kelly.