Relationships & Marriage – Commitment Has Nothing to do With Unconditional Love

Recently someone told us that he wants to marry and grow old with his girlfriend. But to his disappointment, she told him that true love is unconditional, without expectations, and that he should be happy just to be with her without any promises. He said that he thinks she really doesn't love him because she won't enter a legal, committed, monogamous relationship.

He wants a "permanent" commitment, and his girlfriend wants no conditions and expectations.

True, unconditional love includes no expectations. No expectations of your mate to be who you want them to be. No expectations of the relationship lasting "forever." No expectations of ownership. No expectations if you two grow apart. No expectations if one of you loses interest in sex.

We agree with his girlfriend. Unconditional love, which is the highest form of love, involves loving someone as they are and wanting nothing in return for that love. Not money. Not exclusivity. Not a contract. Nothing. If he were fully without demands and expectations and approached his girlfriend in this way, he would want what's best for her, not just what he desires.

Granted, we need to look at this from his perspective too. What is he afraid of if he doesn't have a permanent commitment from his girlfriend? Is he concerned about losing her, maybe about being alone? Is he worried about finances or perhaps about who will care for him in old age?

He needs to realize that he'll be okay if the relationship doesn't last forever and that the only true, lasting love is self love.

Copyright © Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo

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Comments 5 comments

ar.colton profile image

ar.colton 5 years ago from Vancouver, B.C.

Unconditional love is a beautiful thing. And so is commited, monogamous marriage. I think the two go beautifully hand in hand. Being completely committed to the person you love is a an amazing state of being.


I CAN,T SAY 5 years ago

IF I REALLY LOVED SOMEONE, THE VERY LAST THING THAT I WOULD DO TO THEM IS TO MARRY THEM.


Jade89 profile image

Jade89 4 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa

I think that that's a very interesting way of looking at it. I would have to be on the 'guy’s side' with this one though. If you really love someone, wouldn't you want to be with them forever? Wouldn't you want to make a permanent commitment to them? That's something I don't understand. I think though that with regards to the unconditional aspect of the article that makes perfect sense. Yes you'll love them unconditionally but they clearly don't love you as much or they would want to be with you forever or at least exclusive. With that in mind marriage is different things to different people. I'm not including people who don't believe in getting married (for various reasons) but would live together as part of this comment. In my definition of marriage I’m referring to the highest form of commitment that you as an individual person believe in. If that's marriage or living together or anything why wouldn't you want to do that with the one person you supposedly love 'unconditionally'?

In my opinion, you can love someone forever because love doesn't go away but that doesn't mean that you have to stay with them if they won't make a commitment to you because then they don't love you as much. Why would you stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you as much as you love them?

Sorry for the really long comment. Thanks for a great article! Really enjoyed reading it :)


Jade89 profile image

Jade89 4 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa

Thanks for your reply Scott.

'Love can be forever, but relationships tend not to be.'

Great line!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago

Very insightful article!

Commitment has more to do with how a couple conducts themselves. Being married doesn't mean someone will stick with you for the rest of your life. Clearly a divorce rate of nearly 50% proves that! Marriage also does not mean a person will not cheat.

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were married for 37 days! No one can convince me that their (marriage) is more "committed" than a couple who has lived together for 5 years in a loving monogamous relationship. As the one woman stated what a lot of people mean by "commitment" has nothing to do with love or staying together. It's about having a (legal recourse) to extract financial benefits if things (don't) work out.

Having said that I believe couples (naturally) do have "expectations" of each other, chief among them is (honesty) and in most cases loyalty, affection, respect, and consideration. Each of us is also entitled to have our own set of "deal breakers" that would cause us to exit a relationship.

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