Repairing a Broken Relationship

"Throwing It All Away" by Genesis

How to Restore a Broken Relationship

One of the hardest things to go through in life is the breaking of a relationship with someone, especially if you were particularly close to that person and have known them for a long time. Once a relationship ends it can be very difficult to restore that relationship. The more intimate you are with someone, the deeper the pain goes when things go wrong. In this article we will discuss how to repair a relationship that has been broken. We will deal with relationships in general. In another article I will discuss how to repair a broken marriage. The good news is that relationships can be restored if everyone involved is willing to put the effort into the process of healing. It may take time, but the end result is worth the time and effort.

Obstacles to Healing

Before we can discuss the process of repairing a relationship, we need to consider what keeps restoration from happening in the first place.

1. Pride

I put this one first, because it the biggest and most common obstacle to the healing of relationships. I know the times I have been separated from a friend I struggled a lot with pride. When I came to the conclusion that either I was totally wrong or at least shared part of the blame, it was difficult to bring myself to accept responsibility. Pride keeps people apart. We know that if we humble ourselves and go to the other person and admit wrong doing, we will lose face- or so we think. I have learned that I lose face by not admitting my error. I save my reputation by swallowing my pride and taking steps to restoration with that person. There is no secret formula to overcoming pride in a broken relationship. We all struggle with it at some point. Simply, you must bite the bullet and go for it. For example, one of the keys to learning to swim is to just go head long into the water and go for it. Too, in a broken friendship, you have to just go for it, do or die.

2. Time

Time gets in the way of healing. What I mean is that the longer we wait, the harder it is to take the steps to restore that relationship. Paul, a first century leader in the church, wrote to the Christians in Ephesus to "...not let the sun go down while you are still angry,..." (Ephesians 4:26 NIV). That is a good rule to go by. That, in no way, means that you have to fix everything by sunset. It means simply to quickly move into the process of repairing the relationship. The sooner you begin the process of healing the better. Time has a way of desensitizing us, causing us to not see the need for that person like we do when the problem first occurs. Too, as time goes along we can allow bitterness to set in, which exaggerates the problem even more.

3. Wrong voices

We all listen to several voices on a daily basis. The voices can come from advice from people at work, a neighbor or the media. The voices can come from inside us. I am not referring to people who hear voices in an insane kind of way, but rather the voices that crowd our thoughts daily. We must use discernment, and not listen to the wrong advice, as that often will lead us to maintain the broken relationship. Obviously, some relationships are not healthy for us to keep, but more often than not we should listen to counsel that encourages us to restore those relationships.

4. Unwillingness to mend the relationship

One obstacle that is out of our control is the other person who is unwilling to make amends. That can create more pain for the person who wants badly to restore the friendship. I will write later in the article on how to deal with this, but the main thing is to be patient, and give them space while affirming your love for them.

Steps to Repairing the Relationship

1. Realization of Brokeness

I put this step first as I am surprised at how many people are oblivious to the broken relationships around them. Often, they do not see that they are a common denominator in a series of broken relationships. If you tend to have relationship problems with several people, take a look at yourself to see if you are the source of the problem.

2, Humility

Whether you are the source of the problem or not, humility is a must if the relationship is to be restored. If you are the whole reason for the problem or just a part of it, it takes great humility to admit wrong doing. The rewards, however, are much greater than the struggle to admit your error.

If you are not the source of the problem, you still must take steps to reconciliation. Do not wait on the other person. It will take humility on your part, especially if you were not the cause of the break with the other person.

3. Patience

Patience is necessary. The relationship did not end overnight, so it will not be repaired overnight. You need to give each other time and space to think things through, and to heal. Patience is especially necessary if the other person is not willing to reconcile. Don't push them as that will drive them further away. Affirm your love for them, respect their wishes, and allow them room to figure things out.

4. Talking openly

Talking openly about the problem(s) is a necessary step to healing. This will include a period of blaming, then heart searching, and finally finding a solution. Blaming is part of the process. We all do it. We blame each other for the problem. This is part of fighting through misunderstandings so that the truth can be found.

Next, we must move into a time of searching ourselves to see where we were wrong. It is extremely rare when only one person is at fault in a broken relationship. More often than not, both parties are guilty. We must search within ourselves to see where we went wrong without justifying ourselves. We must be completely open and honest at this point if wholeness is to be achieved.

Finally, we must move into a serious discussion to find the solution. Phrases such as 'I'm sorry' and other such phrases are not helpful. Genuine seeking of forgiveness and a desire to solve the issues at hand are what bring healing.

These steps of talking may seem simple, but when you combine the complexity of two humans into the equation it can get messy. Keep moving ahead. Don't let yourself get side tracked by non-issues. Hold on to hope all the way to the end.

5. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is so necessary to keep a relationship alive, whether forgiveness is necessary for little or big problems. We must not let bitterness take root, as it will destroy us. Forgiving the other person will be easier if we remember our constant need of forgiveness. We tend not to forgive when we think of ourselves as being better than we really are. We all make mistakes, and should forgive as we want to be forgiven. Be generous in your forgiveness.

At this point many may wonder what true forgiveness is. To forgive is not to forget, as that is impossible. Once something is planted in your mind, it is there to stay. You can choose not to dwell on a certain thought, but you can't eliminate what is recorded. For example, when you delete something from your computer, it is still there. It can be found on your hard drive, but it isn't at the forefront of your computer's memory. To truly forgive someone is to move beyond the problem, and to move toward reconciliation with that person. I am a follower of Christ. One of the things He taught was that we are in a broken relationship with the Heavenly Father, but He, through Christ, moved beyond that and has moved toward reconciliation with us. He has made the first move, and now we must take the next step by moving toward Him by faith in Christ. I use that as an illustration of how to forgive. We must move beyond the problem toward the other person. Then they must move toward us to reconcile. Forgiveness then happens, and the relationship is made whole again.

6. Practice the Solution

In a previous step we talked about finding a solution. That is good, as long as we put the solution into practice. For instance, if one of the problems is verbal abuse, then the solution is to use words that build up the other person. That is great, as long as you stop using abusive language and begin to use words that build up. All solutions to problems are only effective if you put them into practice.

Repairing a broken relationship can be very difficult, especially if problems have gone unchecked. However, there is always hope of reconciliation. As time goes along and problems grow it becomes more difficult, but it is still possible to repair the problems if both parties are willing to take the necessary steps. Never give up hope. Even if the other person is unwilling you must do your part to reconcile without harrassing them. You always want to give them the space they need, while affirming your love for them. Once the relationship is made whole again, the reward will far outweigh the effort.

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Comments 432 comments

Brenda 8 years ago

Another great article! I find the best place to start in healing a relationship of any kind is at the feet of our Lord. He has a way of calming his child and showing us our fault in the circumstances and sometimes He has even shown me the angle that the other person is coming from. The Lord always reminds me too of how much he has forgive me! In most circumstances, you can relate it to how we treat the Lord....and he loves us unconditionally. He is a Friend who understands us more than we understand ourselves. Thanks for the article!


glassvisage profile image

glassvisage 8 years ago from Northern California

This is great! My roommate and I have been having issues, but she's not willing to talk and she has a lot of pride... but I could use more patience :)


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 8 years ago Author

glassvisage- This is tough. When my wife was in college, her roommate and her had issues. It took them not being roommates anymore to get things completely worked out. It took a lot of hard work while they were roommates, too. Today, 14 years later, they are good friends. There is hope. Hang in there. Patience and understanding are a must. I encourage you to try to understand her side as best as you can.


fallen0059 7 years ago

Thank you for the article. I will use it to heal my broken relationship. Be blessed and continue to write!

fallen0059 - Charlotte NC


Ben 6 years ago

My wife and I hurt each other deeply. I have forgiven her now for the things that she has said and done. This has helped me. Thank you.


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Michael Davis 6 years ago Author

Ben, glad that you found help and forgiveness. To forgive can truly be a challenge. Now, I encourage you to keep going on healing that relationship. It can take time, but it is worth it in the end.


Justsilvie 6 years ago

Thank your for your article. It is always good to hear there is hope for a reconciliation if you really want one.


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Michael Davis 6 years ago Author

Justsilvie-glad that you found hope. Thanks for the feedback.


Ann 6 years ago

How do you affirm your love for someone when they just ignore you? We occasionally run into each other at church but that is it. What is a good estimate of time before you try to approach the person. I've never been so humbled and changed by the end of a relationship. It has been a month so far and was a little over a year long relationship.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

Ann- this is not easy to do. I follow the example of Jesus who was hated by the religious leaders. He wasn't close to them in relationship, but He did forgive them. The main thing is to stay open to forgiveness, pray for the other person and like the prodigal's father be ready for a party when they come back.

My belief as for when to approach the person is to do it immediately. The longer time elapses the harder it gets. So, get busy. Be gentle. Be humble. Don't force what they don't want.


Mp 5 years ago

I broke up with my Bf of 8 years, 100% my fault. I cheated on him, i went out with two guys while we were having a long distance relationship, but there was no sex involve.I dint tell him but he found out about it, we had a major fight, and i ended up confessing and telling him everything.But he still wont take me back, even though i beg and beg him to forgive me.I can't live without him and i know that i am 100% at fault here. i did this to myself.i want to fix this and i don't know how because he don't believe a word i said now.

Please pray for me.


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Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

Mp-Sorry to hear of your situation. We all do things we regret. First, I want to caution you on the statement that you can't live without him. It is difficult to lose someone you love. While we grieve those we lose, our life must continue if we don't have them in our life. That doesn't mean to give up. You may never get him back. You may.

A couple suggestions- 1. Don't get desperate. Let things work out over time. It will take him awhile to trust again, maybe years. 2. Stay humble, gentle and under control as you seek to reconcile the relationship. Begging, making demands or over doing it will only drive him further away.

Learn from your mistake.

Yes, I will pray for you.


Mp 5 years ago

Thank you Michael.It sure is hard. Today is the first day of my " No Contact" challenge.I don't know how long it will last. And I'm so scared that if i ignore him and did not contact him for too long, he would think that i move on too fast. I don't know, I'm in such a mess.I don't know what's the right thing for me to do or should i just let him go.He told me to let him go but its so hard.

Please continue to pray for me. Please pray for him too, for us. I feel like someone punch me and there's a huge hole inside me but I know he's hurting more than i am


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

I will continue praying. If it is his desire to walk away I encourage you to let it happen. It is hard, but sometimes it's the necessary thing to do. Who knows, maybe he will come back in the future.

If you want to continue this conversation without the world seeing it, you can email me. Go to the profile and hit the button to contact me.


Bee 5 years ago

Great Article! I was in a relationship of 8 yrs and I took him for granted!, and that we are no longether it was a wake up call for me!, he didn't turn me down completely because he i's giving me one last chance to change!. I know I have change and I been putting my all to start fresh as a new person. So far things turn out good between us but until I start getting nevegstive ideas in my head or bad advice from my mother. That's when I break down and everything goes down again. All I know i's that I'm having faith in god and I do believe we are meant to be and that we will get through this.


Tom 5 years ago

Great article!! My roommate and I were very close our freshman year. Thus, I became good friends with his friends. We talked about rooming together for sophomore year, but when it came down to it, me him and another one of our close friends had to decide who would be left out in the single. I decided to be in the single so there would be no bad feelings among us. This year has not gone as planned. Not only do I rarely see my ex-roommate and all my old friends (partly because we're on different schedules and we're not in the any classes), but I have reached points of loneliness I've never experienced. They're room is 2 floors above, yet I haven't ventured up there too often and they've not reached out by checking in on me in my single. I miss these guys and deeply regret not seeing them more often. Any help you could give is much appreciated.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

Bee- Glad to hear that you are getting back on track. It is good that you know what triggers a downward spiral in a relationship. Don't let down your guard. I encourage you to keep a daily journal in order to keep track of your progress in the relationship.

Tom- This is tough. It is great that you took the single part to keep relationhships in tact. My experience has been that when you are not living close to someone it takes a lot more effort to stay in touch.

I have 2 pieces of advice-

1. have a talk with your friends to see if they want to continue the friendship. If they do, then come up with a plan to stay in touch.

2. Consider the possibility of forging new friendships. As much as I loved my friends in college, I am only in touch with two of them today, though we live 5,000 miles apart.


kevin race 5 years ago

i need a prayer for myself and my fiancée adele i love here so much but i fear the damage we have inflicted will end what we have

it realy started wen i walked out of my job after been asaulted yes i know i should have stayed and sorted it out but my emotions lead me to walk out of the door and i have been jobbless for near 3 years now and to engrossed in my own dipression to see that i was pushing here away ( been snappy / uncareing wen she needed me and more) i just didn't see what i had or what i was doing

near the start of the relationship i did stray and we worked thru it but i don't think i even got her trust back fully

she recently confessed to me about an afaire last year an i havant had a dry face for a week i love her so much i just forgave her and i still don't understand that i don't want to loose her but how can i even begin to make amends for 3 years of my crap

i want to suport her but feel ill never get a job

im at my ends wit i love her i don't want to feel this pain anymore

i cant stand seeing her so upset

i love her


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

kevin- I will pray. If you both are committed to the relationship, then there is hope. What damage is done will have to be healed one day at a time. It took time to do the damage and it will take time to undo the damage. But it is possible, so hang in there and don't give up hope.


grace82 5 years ago

I have been praying and came upon this article to resolve the rift between me and my ex boss and friend. There was a blow up 4 months ago and to make a long story short there were times I was not treated right. I also know that I do share some of the blame. She is not an easy person and doesn't know how to manage stress and anger. I have tried to reach out and gotten back a lot of anger. It is really frustrating to me that she can't see the part she played in all this and how I do care for her and need her in my life- in a good way of course. In the last phone call I had with her she was mean but didn't totally slam the door in my face. I miss the good we had every day. I have apologized and said my piece and expressed remorse, regret, and said how I miss her. I even said I love you. She is just a tough, tough person.


grace82 5 years ago

It is very heartbreaking and frustrating when you reach out and take responsibility for your part and the person refused to acknowlege what they did and blames everything on you. I am sad and heartbroken. But I am grateful for the people who do care. "My person" I am estranged with while I do care a great deal for them is very difficult and I think only sees things their way. Why can they not see how much I gave to them and care? Maybe in the long run it is their loss. It is sad. I have prayed about this. In my heart I don't want to give up. At the same time, I know I can't reach out forever. It is sad. Maybe one day they will regret how they treated me.


sally Pruce 5 years ago

My friend who I had not seen in 19 years and we were just work type friends recently reconnected and learned we are both lesbians and I was invited to her home and after 2 weeks things went wrong as her demeanor toward me changed and she insulted me and lied and I lambasted her bad the last time as I was back in school and never asked for her e mail that her friend gave me. I liked her and knew she is moving and the first 2 weeks were sweet until she offered to help some people who own a store for free as she is retired and I could see she was working 12 to 15 hours managing the place so she would have an excuse not to see me and then she insulted my woman hood and I gave her the mother of all lambasting and that was it and 2 days felt bad but did feel she had a part in it and she called the sheriffs who I believe the deputy who was gay and female was a friend of hers and all this I didn't need as I was getting ready for my 2nd semester. She would no longer take calls and I didn't really know her as I thought yet hurt just the same so I remembered a woman from work who was also gay who knew her and I called her and she told me she had not seen her in 12 years but the patterens I described to her were just as she went through and she ended the friendhip and told me to do the same because she was not going to change at her age and it was not me but it was her and she knew her as a liar and I caught her in lies and knew quickly she was a pathological liar and the personality changes and brooding I noticed about this woman I knew I couldn't fix and the other girl told me just leave her alone that she felt she had mental problems because of childhood abuse by her mother that was severe and I suffered abuse too but didn't come out like I would not forgive someone and I know God isn't fond of gays and lesbians but I won't go with or be with a man and if one does not forgive then God the father won't forgive either. I found her to have a heart of steel. Sometimes there is no use trying to make up for what? More abuse. Sometimes , it's not meant to be at all.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

Sally- it sounds like there is broken relationships all over this one. Many people that I have met have no clue how to have a healthy relationship. Many people, too, have so much hurt from stuff we don't even know about. What happens is that it spills over and sometimes we become the brunt of the bitterness and pain.

You really need to figure out if a relationship is worth pursuing. Maybe this person needs time and space.

Yes, God is not fond of gays and lesbians, but I have many gay and lesbian friends, though I myself am not gay. However, I do try to have healthy relationships with them. I don't see this as a lesbian thing, but as two people who need to respect each other, show kindness and patience, and learn to forgive even when it hurts to forgive.

Thanks for the comment.


NudgeMeWhen 5 years ago

Great article. Many times you may need to just demonstrate that you're thinking of them. Sending a birthday or anniversary card demonstrates their value in your eyes. It may take awhile but they should soften over time.

Thank you for your article.


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Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

NudgeMeWhen- good idea!


Ben 5 years ago

Great, beautiful article.

My g/f broke up our relationship out of the blue. After 2 months of not talking with "do not email or make contact with me," we are sending "lite" emails. This is a vast difference and great, however, she now wants a "simple friendship" though we were talking of marriage.

I'm taking your advice of patience/time and have been praying to God for strength, encouragement, being able to listen for Him. At times, I hear "give her time, she will be back" but whose voice is that?

It gives me comfort though.

Please keep me in your prayers and that I may learn from God.


stormy 5 years ago

I have been in the relationship that needs mending for a long time. We have a beautuful daughter together. And because fo are incredibly rocky past, I am constantly worrried about the future. The things we went through are things that I hope our child will never have to endure. He says we can still work it out if I forgive him. I say that the things he has done are unforgiveable. What do I do because deep down inside I do love him. He hurt me so bad and I don't want to waste anymore of my time. The only reason I am even considering it is because of our daughter and the fact that we have had some really great times among the terribleness. I have never been hurt so bad or loved so much. What to do?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

Stormy-feel free to email me for more detailed help. I recommend that you both read 2 very important books together. One is called 'Every Mans Battle', and the other is 'Every Woman's Battle'. They have been a great help to me and my wife.

Forgiveness is possible. The type of problems you describe are difficult to work through, but once healing and restoration occur, something beautiful comes out of it.


adesina afolarin 5 years ago

indeed what is discussed is an effective to repair any broken relationship,though sometimes our pride may want to hinder us taken action but if we truly love our partner we will try to take the steps enumerated above, and when we do we are sure to see the result.


smi 5 years ago

my boyfriend and i were together for 4 years. we went through so much to be together. from my parents shipping me oversees as to not be able to contact him for 2 months, to my getting beat to trying to see him. at age 18 my parents finally got fed up with me trying to be with him and kicked me out. his parents let me move in, game me a home, a family, and acceptance. recently we have started fighting though, thank you so much for this advice, i'll deffinately use it. i don't want to lose him.


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Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

smi- Sounds tough. Glad this was a help. All the best to you, and I hope things get ironed out with your family and with the boyfriend.


MRH 5 years ago

This article has been a god send literally. My bf and i have been together for 5 yrs. over the course of that time ive hurt him with my actions and my attitude too many times to count. i love him dearly, and I want to change and show him that i can love him and treat him the way that he deserves to be treated. Now i found out recently that he has been seeking the attention of other women and that hurts...its like a knife digging into my heart. But i feel so responsible for it getting to this point because on several occassions he found questionable conversations on my fone with me and other guys and he stayed with me and we somewhat worked thru it. But now it feels likes ive done so much, so much damage that i feel like im going to lose him. I mean none of the conversations that i had never escalated past just texting and flirting but i fear that his conversations may reach the point that he would sleep with someone else. i need help please pray for me and him. hes not receptive to my saying i want to change, it angers him when i say that because hes like after all this time why now, why wasn't i so eager to change my attitude before and that drives him away as well. I loove him so much and I cant imagine my life without him in it. i know i messed up and pray and hope that its not too late to repair the damage that i have caused...:(


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

MRH- I will definitely pray for you. Feel free to email me if you need further help.


kacey 5 years ago

Ok I'm lost and need help my fiancé and I got into a bad fight I went to hang out with a good friend and an old frien showed up after talking to him online telling him to show up well he did and my fiancé found out by seeing the emails and of coarse I lied about it and now he won't talk to me or stay home he is staying at a friends for the weekend he told me if I want to try and work it out fine but he doesn't want to be with me we have a son together and I don't want him to grow up with mommy and daddy not together what do I do I told him I was sorry and he won't believe me he swears I've cheated on him and I never did wouldn't dream of it how can I convince him that I love him dearly and want us to work out


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Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

Kacey- Tough situation. Even if you didn't cheat, it would look like you made an effort to cheat by the email. That's, at least, what it would look like to your fiancé. So, you will need to rebuild trust and be honest in asking forgiveness from your fiancé. It will take humility and taking blame on your part. Too, in the heat of the moment we often do things we later regret. I encourage you to learn to step out of a situation when things get heated and think through everything you say and do in order to get the best results. Feel free to email me if you need more help.


Little lady 5 years ago

I feel as though you r tokn of my lyf and i wl tel u2 cntinue helpn othrz. Anyway ths is my prblm; Twl b almst a yr tht av bn 2gthr wit my b/f. We usd2 hv endless fyts n quarells. We wud fyt ova smal thngs bt gt ova tht cz we found a solution. My greatst prblm is hs parents. They want us to stop dating bcoz they want him to forcus on hs career and tht i wl drive hm2 nt achieven it. We r of age nd his parents din hav a prblm wit us datn. He is so caught up on tht tht its affecting us in all angles. He is easily influencd by hs parents nd at timz he js cnt dcide on hs own. My biggst challenge is gtn him2 believe in himself and b his own persn. I am willing to but i dnt knw hw. Help plz cz it hurts so much


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Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

Little Lady- My belief is that when we die our careers or how much money we made will not matter, but the people we loved will. My suggestion with the parents is that he have a talk with them giving them boundaries about their input into your relationship. he needs to be ready to back up the boundaries when they are violated. Yes, it hurts to deal with this. For him to be his own person will take time for him to break away from old habits of dependency. Be patient, keep loving him and keep reminding him to function on his own.


MrzTorn 5 years ago

Very insightful acticle. It is easier said than done though. I love my ex boyfriend so much. We were even planning on getting married and life together however I had done some awful things in my past which I'm not necessarily proud of and so when I started this rel with him I decided to leave those things in the past. He on the other hand had no problem telling me of his past even though it was awful. Recently however I opened up to him and told him the type of person I was in the past and he told me that scared him and he's wondering if he made the right descion. He asked me b4 how many serious rel I've had in my past I said only 2 though I've played around on the side. Recently he asked me the same question again and this time I said 3. He's livid particularly because he HATES liars and now he's totally block me out to the point where I don't even exist anymore. Is there anyway I can mend our relationship?


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Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

Mrz Torn- For one thing, you both need freedom to be totally honest without back lash. It sounds as if he was honest and you accepted it, but when you got honest about your past he did not accept it. As far as the lying, you will need to admit you withheld information on the question about past relationships. Then, start being totally upfront, gently, no matter if he accepts it or not.


Short Stuff 5 years ago

I have stumbled on this webpage, looking for information on the details of reconciling a broken relationship. My boyfriend was conditioned in a way that is unhealthy. His unhealthy behaviors and coping skills have affected our relationship greatly. He is understanding of the need to change his conditioning and un-learn those ways of living. However, I find that I cannot forgive him for the painful things he has said to me and for the way he has treated me. I am resentful, as I warned him early on that if he doesn't change the behavior, he will push me away and the relationship will disolve. This is exactly what has happened and ONLY now is he trying to salvage what he sabatoged. Only, I cannot find it within myself to forgive. Any thoughts?


brknhearted 5 years ago

I am recently broken up from my fiancé. We have known and worked with one another for 3 1/2 years. We started dating in April of this year, got engaged in June and were planning a wedding in 2013. My ex-fiance was married for a very long time to his ex-wife and has a 6-year-old son, whom I adore very much. His ex-wife has always been in the picture because of their son, this didn't bother me because I knew they would need to communicate because of their son. About a month ago she started coming back into my ex-fiance's life to reconcile what had happened in their marriage. This has always been my fear in the relationship. He has chosen to end the relationship with me (pretty much throw anything that we had together in the trash), go back to his ex-wife and his son but he has lied about many things in the past few weeks. He is kind of playing both sides of the fence right now and I'm doing everything I can to fight to get him to see that she is just threatened by seeing him happy with someone else but he does not listen. My biggest problem has been to just let him go for now...I'm texting daily and trying to see him when I can and then I regret most of what I say because I know it's not helping. Our friendship has taken a toll because of him lying to me and I don't want to just shut him out because I'm afraid he'll think I don't care when I care a lot. My friends and family say to stop giving him the time of day because it just causes him to keep me on a string but it's hard for me to just let go, I'm scared to just let go. How should I handle this situation? I'm at a crossroads.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

Short Stuff- this is tough. No doubt about it. To forgive in the midst of such pain can be nearly impossible. The question is, can he truly make the changes necessary for healing in the relationship? To overcome what you have been taught to be is something only few people achieve. I'm not trying to be negative, just realistic. Can he earn back your trust? Can you heal if he takes the steps to change or will you still hold it against him? Just some questions to ponder.


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Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

brknhearted- This is one is difficult for me. Since I am married, I would be tempted to go back to my wife if we were divorced, but she wanted to reconcile. She is my first love, and it would be difficult if I were with someone else. He is torn inside. He is in a very difficult situation. He probably had no idea this would ever happen. The lying might be a defense mechanism due to his being confused. However, you obviously care deeply for him. The tough part is to balance between showing him you care and leaving the relationship to destiny. I have had to do that a lot with the relationships in my life. So, you need to remind him you care (without going overboard), but leave the relationship to destiny. He probably doesn't know what to do either. I know this probably doesn't answer the whole question, but you can email if you need further help.


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oposar2012 5 years ago from Philippines

wOw AMAZING STORIES...GOD BLESS YOU MY BRO! KEEP ON WRITING!


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Michael Davis 5 years ago Author

oposar2012- thanks for the props!


niki cox 4 years ago

i thank you so much for writing this article it means a lot to me to find a fellow christian that uses the bible in his words rarely found now adays but to the article i used what was said and written down in your words and i'm still putting it to practice things are getting better and i must thank you for your indirect encouragement to me to do the right and not the wrong that we all tend to lean towards during times of turmoil


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

niki- great to hear how things are going for your relationship. Thanks for the feedback.


Sassygirl 4 years ago

My ex-boyfriend and I dated for 3 years before I decided I wanted to move to another city after college graduation to experience it while I could. He was unhappy about the move and basically made me choose between moving and being with him. I knew I would regret never going after what I wanted, so I moved. For a while, it was harder on him and he began to beg me to give us another shot, but I was angry at him for making me choose an ultimatum, so I wouldn't give him another chance. In his eyes, however, I am the one that ripped his heart out by leaving him behind. A little over a month after breaking up, he began dating another girl and has been with her for the past year and a half. Over the past 5 months, he and I have slowly been talking again, at first just as friends, but over the past month or so we have been discussing give our relationship another chance. I have done everything I can to admit I made a mistake by breaking us up and realize that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I've never been able to move on, and he has told me he has never gotten over me and has always known I was the one. He broke up with his girlfriend and he and I were finally on the road to working things out. I even told him that I knew it would take time for him to be able to get over his bitterness of me "breaking his heart" and all of the pain he went through when I moved, and he was willing to take this slowly and start over. Then two days later he calls to tell me the more he thought about it, the more he doesn't think he will ever be able to forgive me for the hurt I put him through and can't go through with giving this another chance. I told him I would give him his space to figure things out, but I just don't know what I can do to prove to him that I am wiling to give this everything I have. I don't know if it all just happened too fast and he is just overthinking everything, or if he really will never be able to get over his bitterness. When does the time come when you should finally just give up and move on?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Sassygirl- Good question. The timing of moving on is different in each case. Certain questions need to be answered, such as- Is their any hope left of that person coming around and forgiving? Can I live without them, moving on with my life? What are the consequences if I continue to hang around and wait? What are the consequences if I move on?

We have to keep in mind that there may be another person who will absolutely be what we are looking for, but may miss them if don't move on. However, we need to keep in mind that relationships and the people in those relationships are important and we should always hope for reconciliation even if it means the relationship is not the same as it was before.

It may seem I'm talking in circles, but I want you to think carefully of both sides of the issue, then make an informed decision. You will know deep in your heart when it is the right time to move on if that is necessary.


jada 4 years ago

luv this article....im currently separated from my partner #myfault...all i know he's the best thing that had happen to me and im going to fight for him by following these steps im jus hoping it works


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Jada- glad this is a help for you. I wish you the best in your relationship.


Queen Of Light 4 years ago

Thank you for this article! I've saved it and am using it as a guide for the broken friendship I am dealing with right now. Similar to Grace82's post. My best friend who is a guy just ended our 2.5 year friendship after a very intense fight. We've had a very challenging year of constantly getting into fights and not speaking for a week at a time. But we've always come back as friends. This one was the worst, and seems to be final. But I am not giving up hope no matter how bleak it seems right now for reconciliation. It seems we are both blaming each other for not giving each other the respect we feel we both deserve. We have many issues we need to work through if we do become friends again so these fights can stop happening. We do have elements of a toxic friendship, but I know in my heart of hearts that we can work through it all and come out at the end stronger than ever. With him I am willing to try and do whatever I can. I've written him a long letter taking responsibility for my part in our problems. But I also mentioned that he needs to do the same. He has more pride than I do, so I feel the challenging part will be for him to acknowledge that, or even to extend an olive branch at this point. He has completely closed himself off from me. I don't plan on sending him the letter until closer to Christmas when some time has passed. I do know I need to give him space which I'm trying to have the patience to do. But I feel this friendship is important enough where I am willing to do whatever I can, and I will never give up hope. Would love some advice if possible.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Queen of Light- I'm glad you are not giving up. To let time go by, then give the letter may deliver a powerful punch. I wouldn't wait until closer to Christmas. You may want to do it sooner, like closer to Thanksgiving, and include in the letter that he is someone you are thankful for. If he doesn't respond, you may want to send a second letter close to Christmas with the message that he is a gift to you. Your humility can break down his pride. Keep an attitude of humility, respect and gentleness all the way through. That can break down any walls there are.


Queen Of Light 4 years ago

Yes, I'm not sure I can be patient enough to hold out until Christmas, so I think I will send it sooner. I know he has some important events in November, so I want to wait until things have calmed down in a bit in his life so he's more focused. Usually people are in a forgiving mood around Christmas time which is why I wanted to do it then. Right now there is still too much anger inside both of us. But I am going to re-read that letter and tweak it until it's perfect and says everything I wanted to say, and will take your advice of having the attitude of humility, respect and gentleness in there. There already is, but I want to make sure it's apparent.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Queen of Light- Often we don't realize how we are coming across. You may want someone else to read the letter before you give it to him to make sure you are coming across the way you want to, that it sounds the way you want it to sound.


D g 4 years ago

I met my ex wife in high school 11 years ago, we started dating and with many flaming hoops ended up married with two kids. We were very young when we were learning to be a married couple and fought constantly, and always threatened divorce. I cheated on her a couple of times and tried to leave her, I knowledge of her doing the same. She served me about two years ago when I had moved in with my father. We had many problems, and had no real tools or knowledge to solve them. We got divorced about a year and a half ago, and it was ugly. I tried to make ammends and do the right thing, but she shot me down, and my pride got the best of me, we said a lot of ugly things to each other, which I regret. I have forgiven her for all she has done. I made a mistake in getting into a relationship after my rejection, she did the same, but I one-uped her and got married about 6 months in, I really wish I hadn't now, I see that it was a mistake. For the past 4 months I have tried to text her email her and call her, she is very hatefull and it has taken me until recently to hold back and turn the other cheek. I can't get her off of my mind, and I miss her constantly. We were both children of divorce and know how hard it was to grow up that way. I am obviouslly not expecting my current marriage to last, I know that's not exactly a WWJD kind of thing to say, but we both know it. How can I show her I have changed and get her to even consider being my friend again?


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

D g- Cinderella sings a song- you don't know what you've got until it's gone. That is so true. I know that you have learned that. You are in a tough spot. You want to reconcile with your first wife, but you need to honor your current wife. First, I encourage you not to treat your current wife the same way. Make this marriage work. To be friends with your first wife is going to take a lot of humility and patience. When someone is hurt as deeply as she is it takes a long time to get over it. Give her the time she needs. She needs to see that you really are different than what you were when you two were married. If her friendship is worth waiting for, then wait for as long as it takes.


d g 4 years ago

I have learned from my mistakes, I definitly treat her with respect and patience. Our biggest problem is that I had a vasectomy after my second child and my new wife wants kids of her own, she won't settle for any other option other than 100% natural conception of a child with her own husband, so I don't think that is going to be me. She harbors a lot of jealousy and anger towards me and my ex, and I am very understanding about it, even though it's hard because I have accepted her past. I am not intentionally sabotaging it, but I don't think we dated for long enough before getting married.


DNH 4 years ago

I am really struggling myself and it falls in line with Queen of Light's situation. I am the person mainly at fault. Though unintentional, my actions I feel were acted upon due to a deeper inner feeling I've been struggling with. It is a unique situation. A platonic friendship with a female. We have only known each other for literally three months but instantly there was a recognition of the fact we are sort of kindred spirits. At first, we both kind of were interested on the physical side, then she had a long talk with me that we should just be friends. After a couple weeks, I was still trying to pursue her and we fought again, about the fact that I broke her trust and my promise to be friends. Within a couple days however, we made up and for the last 6 weeks or so have gotten closer and closer. The entire time I have respected her wishes to be just friends, and wouldn't for the life of me attempt to make a move to do otherwise. Subconsciously, I did want more so it became muddy. Last week after hanging out, I let myself out of her apartment after she dozed off, and gave her a little peck on the top of the head as a good night (usually we exchange hugs). This broke into a huge fight a couple days later when I saw her again because I had violated the boundaries and broke her trust...for the final time. She has called an end to the friendship, and even deleted me off of Facebook. This all seems fairly juvenile to explain this, but we are both in our upper 20's and is very, very real. It has been 4 days since the fight, and we still see one another on the professional side (both actors in a class together, performing a scene together) but it hurts like hell. It really is a unique situation that with any other friend after only 3 months of knowing one another, the level of pain wouldn't be so deep. But this is a person I feel can be a lifelong friend as we really are kindred spirits. It's a rarity to find that. I'm really struggling with how much time to let go by before I try and reach out. Not to solve the problem right then, but to let her know I want to work things out and at the same time, admit my wrong doing; I crossed a line and broke a barrier I shouldn't have. I do want to see her as a friend and only that because losing a kindred soul like that is such a shame, for the both of us. I'm really afraid because I feel in this situation, if she says "no" to me, I think I have to back down entirely and accept defeat of a lost friend. I can't somehow let more time go by and try again, because again, with it only being 3 months in, I may have lost her entirely if I let a month go by. But I'm finding it hard to work on our scene together without the usual connection that we have and instead are trying to push through as professionals. There's an element missing. I have cried about this every single day since the fight. I can really use your help and your prayers. I have prayed some myself, and have support from some friends on the issue but those friends aren't that religious and I could really use the power of prayer.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

DNH- Yes, I will pray. You need to open completely up to her and let her now how much you failed in this, and that you will do what it takes to make it right. Make sure you respect her space and her as a person while communicating this with her. I find that the relationships that really work in my life are the ones where there is mutual respect and the other person has the freedom not to be in the relationship. You really are not free to be in a relationship if you are not free not to be in it.


Mr Pain 4 years ago

Hi..i've been going through this pain for nearly 2weeks. The thing is 2weeks before we got married, my wife keeps going out with friends till late nite and i suspected there is a third party involved. Just 2 days after our marriage, she continue going out until i start asking her why she changed.. she told me she fell in love with another guy and our love is getting faded. I was very sad and lost. the other thing is 2 weeks after my marriage , our plan is to go oversea for work as i got into a promotion and my wife got a job together with me as well. Now she decided not to go and at first my thought was to stay back and try to be with her but she did ask me a question if i gave up my career and still our marriage cannot be save..i will loose everything at once. my decision at last was to still continue to proceed for my overseas assignment and leave her behind here. but i can't help of not thinking what she is doing at home .. please advise


Queen Of Light 4 years ago

DNH - I hope that your friendship will repair itself soon. I understand what you're going through, since I have romantic feelings for my friend as well, which unfortunately he doesn't. We also started off flirting, dated briefly, but ended up as just friends. At this point I also have to just concentrate on the "friend"ship and not think anything romantic about him. I just want him back in my life. I'm still in the process of trying to resolve things. I will be sending a letter to him in a few weeks. He also deleted me off Facebook. We are long-distance so I haven't seen him since our fight, so I feel for you that you still have to see your friend regularly while going through this. All I'm doing now is praying, wishing and hoping that my friendship will resolve itself soon, but also feel I have to take the initiative in order for things to get to that point. I hope that everyone who has posted their story on here has a happy ending!


JustaGirl 4 years ago

I wanted to say, this gives me hope. My ex and I started a relationship fast and to soon for him(though he said he was ready at the time) then due to life issues we moved fast b/c there was thought hed be gone soon.

Anyway 6 months later he broke my heart and we said some nasty things. We ended up losing someone, and have been leaning on each other for comfort.

I just need to give him more time to heal and I do know he still loves me and he wont deny it anymore. Anyway, this has given me hope and I think with time and these steps we will be back together sooner or later. Thanks for the hope.


enazy 4 years ago

i find out my boyfrnd was lieing to me recently,,, he had another contact another phone which i don't knw,, whenever am with him he hide d phone frm me,, now i ve found out nd i asked him,, d respond i got was uncalled for then i decided to stay low without contacting for 2 days, though he called me once i didn't pick d call but ever then i ve been calling him he chose not to answer me and am worried cus it getting too long now.. I ve pleaded nd pleaded all to no avail,, what wil i do


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Mr. Pain-To me, relationships are more important than jobs. The amount of money we make will mean nothing when we die. Your wife should be first. I would go take care of her and win her heart.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

enazy-if he is doing this now, he is likely to continue hiding and lying and cheating in the future. My advice is go find a man who will be faithful and honest.


enazy 4 years ago

thanks micheal.. I just hope my heart will allow me to stop thinking abt him.....it is really broken


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

enazy- yea, this is the hard part of relationships. When they are broken, we pay a big price in heart break.


delightinHim 4 years ago

Michael...I will put this article in husband's reading room. Thoughts? We are both committed christians. I made a lot of mistakes and he quietly suffered me in his passive aggressive way. I have been saying sorry for over 4 years...he made very little marital change...but still continues to be a kind, patient, gentleman. Our counselor over a year ago got angry with my refusal for me to lead again. She was unprofessional in the last session, my desire to move to another counselor angered her I believe more. She has referred me onto a very questionable therapy, my husband loves her as she is a lot like his mom. I told him I will not as I believe (and my close friends) believe he is trying to get me labeled...for whatever his motives are. I love him and want to honor my vow, as it has been over 25 years. When I ask him to let's get a second opinion, is this marriage not worth saving. His response is "no we are going to do exactly what the counselor at the old place told us to do. He doesn't talk to anyone but his family and one male friend whom I might add does not like me. I have surounded myself with praying partners, and Godly woman so as to keep myself in accountable & in the word. Thanks in advance for your thoughts.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

delightinHim- First, I want to say not to give up hope. Your husband can change his attitude. He must remember that God commands husbands to submit to their wives as well. In marriage God expects mutual submission between both people. You can't control your husband nor should you nag him into doing what you want. What you can do is continue to be God's kind of woman and love your husband with all your heart. Then, trust God to turn things around. Blessings to you.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

delightinHim- First, I want to say not to give up hope. Your husband can change his attitude. He must remember that God commands husbands to submit to their wives as well. In marriage God expects mutual submission between both people. You can't control your husband nor should you nag him into doing what you want. What you can do is continue to be God's kind of woman and love your husband with all your heart. Then, trust God to turn things around. Blessings to you.


Michael 4 years ago

thanks for this article. I googled mending broken relationships and found this and it really gave me some food for thought. I have been in a relationship for 7 years, that has suffered drug abuse, alcohol abuse, verbal abuse, some physical abuse, sexual addiction, lying, cheating....some of these from both parties, some from me to her, and some from her to me. me and my partner are 2 broken weird people...we eventually split directions 2 years ago, but never stopped talking...and here we find ourselves almost 8 years later, still in love with each other...both of wanting to be with eachother, and both of us love eachother. but we are both very broken people with our own issues...and I can't figure how to fix all this. I am a "back slidden" or non practicing christ believing christian, and she is a brand new christian... I have sexual addictions, and self esteem problems, and she has sexual, alcohol, self esteem, and anger problems...we both have communication problems...so we have a mountain of baggage we are both dragging apart and with eachother, but still after 8 years now...we want to make it work. any advice? thanks


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Michael- I'm glad you both still love each other. For this to work you both need to accept each other "As is". Yes, you both have baggage, but every relationship does. You will need to both practice a lot of forgiveness and acceptance. You both may need counseling to overcome addictions and anger problems. I have helped people long distance through email. If you think that you both are important then you should be willing to do the hard work it takes to make this work. But, most importantly make God the center of the relationship. That is, look in the Bible how the Father, Son and Holy Spirit relate to each other, then imitate that.

Don't forget to laugh and have fun together. Sometimes we can get too serious and forget to just have fun together. Hope this helps.


Michael 4 years ago

thank you for the encouragement. yes, we have gotten too serious, for sure...and we have made things so dang complicated now it is rediculous. yes, we have discussed going to counseling, and it is time we make that a priority. thank you for the help. accepting eachother "as is" is not something I have really thought about...we are who we are, and she is who she is. and I need to accept her the way she is. thank you mike.


thisisawful 4 years ago

My boyfriend (fiancé split after a rough relationship and finding out he was seeing someone else. Things definitely got rocky between us, despite having 2 children we lost communication. I made some huge mistakes that did not benefit our family, and only stressed him out more. I see now how badly I made things, and how I shut him out and put the financially responsibility solely on him, and its awful. I never thought this would push him towards another woman, whom he claims he has deep feeling for (love)

I need him to realize I am willing to change. I want this to work not only for our children, but for us as well. Its hard to work on repairing anything, and giving him space with another woman involved. I feel the more his is away from me, and the more he is with her, the stronger his feelings for her will get. Its sickening! I don't even know where to begin...


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

thisisawful- Your are in a tough situation. If he is far along in the relationship with this other woman, then it will take a miracle for him to come back. However, it is not impossible. I understand your feelings. It is terrible to go through this. What you need to do to begin with is start working on the weaknesses you see in yourself. You mentioned a lot of faults you had in the relationship. Work on those things then you will be ready to start fresh.


thisisawful 4 years ago

Yes, this situation is extremely tough. I would not wish this on a soul. Please pray that God guides him away from her, and back home to his family.


Lee 4 years ago

My ex-gf and I broke up initially in early September. After that, we talked less than usual, but still often. We would meet up and go out for dinner, she would ask me to come to her house on occasions such as Thanksgiving, and had even spoke to her 2 kids about the possibility of us getting back together, and how we could make a marriage work as we both own houses, have jobs, about an hour away. 2 weekends ago, there were calls back and forth each day, some initated by her. Then suddenly, I hear nothing for a couple days and my calls/texts go unreturned. I may have rushed in going to speak to her in person after work that evening but she told me that she no longer wanted the relationship, that she was moving on, and that there was a "friend" who was going through some things that she had been communicating with the past few days. I was crushed to hear all of this and became very emotional at that point. I attempted to contact a couple of times at work later in the week to explain my feelings for her and on the 2nd call she slowly became angry and told me she was hanging up. Later I received a text telling me that she tried to be friends but I always expected more, yet we shared romantic moments such as holding hangs, hugging,etc on each of these dates. She added that she wanted to stop communication totally, at least until I get through this and get better. This only added to the feelings of hurt carried over from the face to face earlier in the week. I haven't received a call from her in over a week now but I'm praying for restoration of this relationship because I realize that nothing is impossible with God. She and I had been reunited after a 15 year absence in the summer of 2010 and unfortunately about 1 month later we were involved in a traumatic event. The previous ex-bf broke into her house and we were both shot, myself 4 times, nearly dying. God gave me a miracle, saved me, and she was there every step of the way as I recovered. It is very hard to consider her permanently gone from my life due to the bond that I feel was created through the tragedy. I've gone 5 days without calling as she asked. Please pray for she and I and offer any advice you feel would help me to reconcile this relationship.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Lee- the main thing you need to do is put the ball totally in her court concerning this relationship. Since she made the decision to end the relationship, you should text her and ask her what she wanted from the relationship. Ask her what you did specifically to cause her to run away. Then, if she responds let her know that you will be careful to respect her wishes. It sounds like their was lack of communication about the expectations of the relationship. Too, you may ask her to spell out in detail what her expectations are and how you can make things right.


spot 4 years ago

My bf and I were not together for a long time but I loved him so much. He broke up with me. I asked him for another chance but he just gets mad. He said that I should not force him to reconcile with me. I said my sorry and tried everything to make peace with him. Should I give him space? Or should I beg for him to stay? Please pray for us.


Meee 4 years ago

I am in love with someone I used to work with. I don't think I have ever admitted that until now actually. We worked very closely and we had a great bond. He is married though and I have a boyfriend and so I always made clear I would never want to be "the other woman" and meant it for the moral reasons of neither of us being available. Still the feelings were there and I felt his feelings too. We never talked directly about it though but one day he told me he can't work with me anymore. It was out of the blue really and his reasons never made sense. He wouldn't talk to me or see me face to face anymore. He accepted only emails but because of our work together (We made music together), he made it difficult for us to communicate and I became angry at him. I felt I didn't deserve his unfair treatment and told him I wanted him out of my life. Needless to say, he got really angry I had emailed him that and said he would never speak to me again. Fast forward to Christmas. I got wasted and drunk emailed him that I was really sorry for everything and that I felt we had a great partnership. That was all. It was a drunk email but short. Do you think I made it worse? The initial fight was back mid November. The no contact has been going on for several weeks until Christmas. I love him but would love to repair our professional relationship more than anything. I'm torn...


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

spot- first, i will pray

second- you should give him space. You could come across as bothering him. That will only drive him further away. Give him space and from time to time send gentle reminders of your love for him. Make those contacts brief and let him know that the ball is in his court and you will not seek to control or manipulate him. That will go much further than constantly talking to him about it.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Meee- He may have gotten mad and walked away because of guilt. Since he is married he may have started feeling guilty for having feelings for you. I'm not sure if the professional relationship can be restored any time soon due to the personal relationship. As humans we aren't meant to live disconnected lives. Our personal life affects our professional life. This one you will have to give time to work out. Too, sending the angry email, then the loving drunk email is definitely sending mixed signals to him. My advice is to back off and not let yourself get more tangled up than you already are.


Tiredofshit 4 years ago

Can I just say that I am tired of hearing all this shit about people being married, falling in love with someone else at work or wherever? Meee, I can't believe what I just read. HE IS MARRIED!! Leave him alone!! You should not be working with him or be around him when you both obviously had feelings for one another. Think of his wife. Think of someone else besides yourself. What ever happened to being committed to your spouse? His wife is going to have a tough time dealing with this if she ever finds out. You want to continue making music together? Find a single guy to fall in love with and be a partner with. Married people are off limits!! He probably wanted to quit seeing you because he is a good man wanting to be respectful to his wife. Maybe she found out he had feelings for you and asked him to stop seeing you. How many times do people continue to see each other and they think they can fight the feelings and "just be friends"? It doesn't work. I say, Good job to him! He is a respectful and loving man if he decided to not see you because he is trying to be a good husband.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Tiredofshit- well said


Chris 4 years ago

I recently lied to my GF about whether I was playing a video game instead of talking to her. She has had issues trusting me because I kept some things from my past from her so she wouldn't get hurt, but she managed to pry them out of me and has not really gotten over them. We have been together almost 2 years, and on top of all of it, her family keeps telling her I am evil and not good for her. I know I shouldn't have lied about playing the game, and I should have been honest about myself, because maybe she shouldn't have dated me. But how do I fix this? I don't want to lose her forever because I want to give her my everything and I want her to love me. Am I just continuing to be selfish by wanting her to stay with me?


Ben B 4 years ago

Hello Michael. Thanks for the article and what you're doing. In reading some posts they are similar to my situation and you responded well.

I guess I'm writing in to be prayed for.

We've been together with my girl for 6 years. She messed up twice, but I was graceful and forgave her. What I didn't realize was that I didn't forget, because I had anger and unexplained outbursts. If only I had realized I could have sought counseling help, today we could be together; because this anger is just not me. Probably the devil's doing.

Anyway, last November she stopped the relationship because I was giving her a hard time, especially pushing her away, because subconsciously I was trying to end the relationship. Nope, I didn't cheat her, never, nor did I physically abuse her.

After a month, I felt all the anger had been defused and my mind got cleared - I realized how much I love her! I am fullly convinced the break-up helped clear me. I approached her, but she is adamant she has moved on. Nope, there is no one else, she says.

We've talked a lot on this, at times she looks confused, and she wants more time, but does not guarantee the outcome will be positive. So I try to stay away to give her space, but then I just text her to let her know how much I love her. She responds by greeting me, and I always text back to ask her not to respond if she does not want to. I have humbled myself so much, and have declared myself a peacemaker between us.

In conclusion, I'm hopeful that she may want to come back, it's just that I probably am not doing something to 'seal the deal', hence I have called in to seek your support with your prayer. Please pray for me, I believe this will help a great deal. Be aware we are both devoted, but attend separate churches.

The lord be with you Michael and your family. And to all who visit and post here, stay blessed.

Kind regards


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Chris- We all make mistakes we later regret. I don't think you are being selfish in wanting her back if you truly love her. How do you fix this? If she wants the relationship to work you need to sit down with her and ask her what it will take to make things work and get over the past. Then, take her suggestions seriously. Don't argue with her, but listen carefully and show her humility and respect.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Ben B- I will pray for you. Keep me posted.


deekshaghai 4 years ago

hi michael davis

my love has broken the relation with me because of the stupid mistakes i commit. i dont behave the way he wants me to. but we are so attached that our bond still exists. he still talks to me but just as a friend. he doesn't want the relation with me and doesn't want to even talk about it. i really love him and want him back in my life. what should i do?? when i said to him that i will totally change myself for him..he said he has given me several chances but i cant change and now its over forever. he said he cant trust me anymore. what should i do to make him come back to me and be in a relation with me?? i am really upset. i want him back and want him to start afresh, forgiving me for what all i did.. please heal my relationship..pray for me.. i request you.. he means everything to me.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

deekshaghal- you need to ask yourself if he is asking you to change weaknesses you have or if he is asking you to change who you have been made to be. If it's weaknesses that need changed for the sake of the relationship then get help making those changes but if he is asking you to change who you are made to be, then it's not worth it. You should let it go if that is the case. You are a special person and should not change your identity just to be in a relationship. That is not healthy. In a healthy relationship you accept the other person for who they are and accept their differences.


girlblue 4 years ago

Came upon this article while searching for information on healing from a broken relationship. My situation sounds almost exactly like short stuff's. I'm trying to accept that our relationship is over. Even though we both still love each other and believe we are soul mates, my ex feels so negatively toward himself that he believes he is a bad force in my life and everything bad that has happened is because of him. This comes from his upbringing and a bad marriage of 14 years which both made him feel that he was not valued or worth anything to his family or his ex-wife. He has made mistakes that I have chosen to forgive and no matter how much I tell him I love him, he can't see any goodness in himself which is compltley unfounded. He has a darkness rooted in him that I realized my love can't fix because he doesn't love himself. I am devastated over our break-up. He basically told me I am better off without him and he was going to love me enough to let me go. After all the forgiveness and patience I have given, I feel abandoned, sad, and confused. I have never understood why he was so against counseling which I suggested many times. I am doing a lot of self cleansing (tears), reflection and meditation on our relationship. I am trying to recognize my own mistakes and also where/when our relationship started to break down. I truly do love this person and despite what he thinks, he is not a bad person at all. My heart is broken, but I have given myself permission to feel what I need to feel, not matter how long it takes and try to heal. All I'm asking for is prayer for him to be released from his darkness so he can enjoy the life he was intended. I ask myself if reconciliation is really what I want and what it would take to repair our relationship. I have no indication that we will ever get back together and so my only hope for right now is that he one day finds peace within himself. I will always love him and do belief we are soul mates that can't be together because of too much emotional baggage and damage. It's very sad to be disconnected from the person you feel you were meant to be with, but you have to accept things and move forward with your life. Please pray for my situation, pray for my love and pray that we both gain some understanding over our situation. I try to remember the Serenity Prayer when I am having a difficult time understanding situations in my life.


Brokenheart 4 years ago

I am tryinng to reconcile with my husband after a ILYB speech. He is unable to be intimate with me (kissing/ sexual imtimacy), but we hold hands etc. I feel rejected by this and finding it hard to keep positive that our marriage is worth saving. He says i have hurt him a lot in the past with my anger and controlling behaviour, but I feel he has hurt me a lot with his ILYB and inappropriate texting to female coworkers. I have prayed for our reconciliation and have come a long way since September. However, I am becoming more and more despondent about the fact I feel it is me making all the first moves. It is me that hold his hands, sits next to him etc...His rejection is making me lose hope and making me feel insignificant.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

girlblue- i will pray. keep me posted on how it's going. Yes, he needs to see that he is a person with so much to offer. But being in bad relationships of the past takes their toll, and he will have a long fight ahead to overcome all that. Definitely praying for your healing.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Brokenheart- I have seen the worst marriages become beautiful. It takes time and a lot of honesty. Don't give up hope. It may very well take a big wake up call on his part to turn around. Never lose hope.


lost 4 years ago

I had a really close friendship that has been broken. In August I made a really big mistake and lied to my friend. I felt horrible, wrote a letter apologizing and telling her how important her friendship is to me. We work together so I see her all the time. After a few months she started to talk to me a little by just saying hi and bye. Then after Thanksgiving, I tried to talk to her at work and she said I annoyed her and to get away from her. I have no idea what I did. She threatened to hit me at work and has not spoken to me since. She deleted me from her facebook also. I have given her her space but it is very difficult. I care for her too much and want to be friends again. I sent her a message on New Years day asking if we could work it out and start our friendship over with the new year and she did not respond. I have not spoken to her at work since. I spend many nights upset over the loss of her friendship. I know I can't make her be my friend but I miss all the fun we had. I also sent her a card a few weeks ago just telling her that I care about her and that I will always be here for her. I plan on continuing to give her her space and to continue to reach out to her every so often. What do you think? I am Christian and she is not which makes it difficult but I continue to pray for her and pray that our friendship can be repaired.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

lost- does the fact that you are a Christian bother her? Maybe that's the problem she has. What you should do, since you have tried everything else, is just live faithfully and lovingly and let God open the doors.


MG 4 years ago

I really love you article I just broke up with my bf we’ve been dating for a year but I’ve know each other for 14 yrs, I brook up with him not because I want to change him I like him just the way God create him but he doesn’t know how to communicate , he doesn’t like to talk , whenever he has problems he shot himself out completely , he did say to me before the holidays that he is working on himself because he knows what he’s doing it’s not right he told me that he will take him time but he’s working on it , I wasn’t even the one who ask him to do so , and I wanted to be by his side to support him, but I’m not a patient person and I pray God every day do give me patient , we didn’t talk for 2 months because we were mad at each other than we start talking again so we haven’t seen each other for 3 months and I was very upset about it , I said some mean things to him we’re both at fault, and sometimes I let my emotion take over, and listen to some of my friends didn’t help either , so I asked him not to contact me ever ?. But he did after a couple of weeks to check on me , I didn’t mention anything about the relationship when we talk I didn’t want to push him away so we had a friendly conversation , I don’t call him myself. I love him very much and I believe that God send him my way for a reason. I pray God every day to repair the relationship ,I do believe and have faith but some time my faith gets very weak , I don’t know what to do should I text him some times, I want to see him so we can talk and work on our differences. but I don’t want to be the one to initiate it ? I’m old fashion , I don’t want to call since I was the one who broke up with him and I do want him to take the things I said seriously ,but at the same time I want him to know that I still love him I want to get back with him. I don’t know how to do that. What should I do? I believe and have faith that God will repair the relationship. please help me pray.


JIG"S 4 years ago

DECENCY OF A RELATION "REPAIRING A BROKEN FRIENDSHIP"

by Jignesh Mehta...........!

I don't know why a relation ends with tears in eyes and forget the smile on face when they were together...!

"I have a thought and a small saying for this"

* friendship says nothing but states many things which our mind can understand but we dont even if we want to why is it so..

* At every satge of life we get to know someone .......with a smile on face we accept them as friends and once we get closer we start expecting and fulfilling their expectations to some extend ,then why the hell selfishness doesn't allow us to be loyal....... don't we think unmatured mind was better in control than matured mind ( E:G:- when i was small and when i use to fight with my friend for cycle keys and i use to throw it away by saying its yours i don't need it,he use to say i also don't want to be at your place its yours home and thanks anyways for allowing me to be here , but when we use to forget those moments we use to call each other and use to start saying i m sorry it was mine mistake not yours do take cycle keys when u need it and other use to say come at my place i am missing you, if that was possible in childhood case why cant we exchange bike keys and be the friend we were during childhood why does matured mind dosent allow us to be together again instead of being apart ,why does ego makes friend again a stranger,why don't we compro and make our world where joy use to accompany our friendship still remains a question for many those who have made a small mistake and have lost a precious friend "SORRY TO SAY BUT I AM ONE OF THEM")

* "ENDING THIS THOUGHT & SAYING WITH A POSITIVE NOTE THAT THOSE FRIENDS WHO ARE APART FROM THEIR BEST ONES WILL SURLEY GIVE A LIFE A LAST CHANCE BEFORE MAKING THEIR FINAL DECISION OF GIVING FRIENDSHIP A LAST CHANCE INSTEAD TO LEAVE THEM APART AND MAKE THEM A STRANGER AGAIN"

"REPAIRING A BROKEN FRIENDSHIP"


Lawrence 4 years ago

I am so touched by your stories as I am undergoing a broken relationship with my fiancée of 3 years whom we have a 2yr old daughter. Mistakes have taken place for a longtime and everytime I ask her to talk over them, she simply keeps off and cofronts me whenever she is drunk with abuses. It has come to a time she opted to move out and as much as I request we face our mistakes always falls on a deaf ear..don't know much of what to do as I text her often to assure her that I care.


Lindzer 4 years ago

I have been dating my Boyfriend for almost 2 years. The whole relationship has been long distance we are both in our mid 20 an have known each other since high school. I recently found out that after he got out of the marine corp he had an affair with a young lady for a month. He told me during that time he was having a lot of issues due to his last deployment and he just did not know how to deal with everything. I respected his wishes and saw him in October un-aware that he had been cheating. He seemed very distant from me but i thought it was due to the previous deployment. Come to find out the lady dumped him as soon as he got back from visiting me. I found out about this about 2 months later. I was heart broken to find there love letters and such on his email account. when confronted he said he had made his peace with God an he felt no need to tell me of his indiscretion. We had been working on things an finally things had gotten better come to find out via his social networking page he has engaged in numerous flirtations and swapping of inappropriate texts and pictures the entire relationship. I feel as tho all the work i put into repairing from the one and as far as my knowledge goes affair the other indiscretions have made things almost imposable to get out of my mind. He plans on visiting me in the next few weeks and i know he plans on proposing. my issue is why take our relationship to the next level when we cant figure out dating. I know that he was upset that i was not there when he got back to the US from his last deployment. I had lost my job and could not afford a ticket to fly to his base, but i don't feel that was grounds for him to cheat. Im still a bit upset over the fact that while i called an cried myself to sleep at night he was out having the time of his life on dates with some lady. Just to clarify he took her out on a lot more dates than i have even seen him since we have been dating. I just don't know what to do.. I Love him and have been faithful to him an will continue to do so. He says he Loves me all the time and since i saw him in October he has been wonderful to me, but everything just seems so tainted. Im so hurt that he Lied and would have never told me that he cheated on me. Some advice would be greatly appreciated and sorry it was so long but thank you so much!


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

MG- no matter what happened don't wait for him to take the initiative. You start the process of repairing the relationship. I don't think there are rules on who should start and all that when it comes to reconciliation. Humble yourself and go to him and get going with the relationship. You should contact him and ask him what he wants and what he thinks needs to happen. Then sit down together and figure out a plan to make it happen.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

JIG'S- Thanks


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Lawrence- the only thing you can do at this point is be patient, don't stop loving her and let God make it happen. Maybe as you wait you will grow as a person and things you didn't know were inside of you will come out and then you will be ready to be even better for her. Don't give up hope.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Lindzer- my suggestion is to get out fast. If he is doing this now it will not change once you are married. Go find a man who will treat you with love, honor and respect.


MG 4 years ago

Thanks for you advise Michael I did what you said and contact him , he agree to talk ,he said that he wants things to work out between us.


Lilly 4 years ago

I just found your article and a lot of the above problems sound similar. My ex and I have been together for 4 and 1/2 years and have a beautiful little girl and another baby on the way. We've always had problems due to an addiction he has and the attitude I have but we've always managed to get through it. However he left a week ago and has yet to answer me at all. Except to fight. He was actually working on himself this time and I kept looking for a way for him to mess up. I pushed him away this time. Which is partly to do with these hormones going on!! But him not talking to me is killing me. He won't talk to our daughter and will only answer texts from me and is only rude. I don't understand why he's always been the one to leave and come back and I never treated him like this. But yet I push him away for the first time ever and he's ignoring everything. And the fact that I'm pregnant again isn't helping matters either. I don't want to give up on us. I kno he's meant for me. And 4 years is a long time and children also. I don't see why we should throw it away if we love eachother and I kno it's not just one sided. I'm just worried that him being raised to never be loved and the fact that it was me who pushed him away this time not believing in him is really the end. And I don't want to lose him. How can I even begin to try to make things better?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

MG- good to hear. Things won't be easy as you work it all out, but don't give up. It will be worth the effort in the end.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Lilly- The fact that you admit that you both are wrong puts you way ahead of the ballgame. Many people only see the other person as being wrong. The first thing you can do is be there for the kids. They need you. Also, take time to grieve. He's not dead, but he is gone. Too, set ground rules with him for texts. Let him know that you won't put up with immaturity and rudeness.

Then, begin the process of reconciliation by admitting you have been wrong and that you want to sit and have an adult conversation about this. Remind him that life is too short to have these fights and to have broken relationships. He is living in the heat of the moment right now and needs to think about the future consequences of his actions.

Feel free to email me if you need more detailed help.


girl 4 years ago

been togther for two years long long distance relationship 18 or 17 breaks up lots of fights over dumbie things still trying to fix it =( so hard being the one having to fix it all the time and maybe falling out of love with him


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

girl- it is tough when you feel like you are the only one giving to the relationship. You can't control the other person. If he is not willing to help the relationship succeed you need to think seriously if it's time to let go. I would encourage you to have a deep talk with him and get out of him what he wants in the relationship. If he is willing to do the work it will take to turn things around then you need to make a plan to make it happen.


girl 4 years ago

it have been done some times and times talks about y we r together thing because good then turn back down and i know he has giving up on trying to fix thing becuase he said it him self "all we is break up and get by tothger so y try to fix it" but then again having a long distance relationship hard work to keep it togther but then it falls apart it harder to put the parts back togther again


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

girl- sometimes you have to ask if it is worth it to keep pursuing a relationship. Yours being a long distance relationship is going to make it difficult. I believe that good relationships happen face to face. If this is not possible in the near future you need to start asking tough questions about the future of the relationship.


Carol 4 years ago

What a great article! I met an incredible guy 5 months ago and we hit it off. Sparks flew and the chemistry was great. I've never been treated so well! Two months into dating he asked me to be his girlfriend and then things started to change. He told me he was a little freaked out since his ex fiancé hurt him so bad, so we decided to take it slow. I felt like something was wrong and he left his Facebook open--so of course I peeked due to human curiosity. I know it was wrong and I didn't like what I found--messages flirting with exes about how great their sex life was. I know he didn't physically cheat on me and I chalked the messages up to him reaching out for attention. When I was reading the messages I had no desire to be flirty with him and we have had a lack of chemistry over the past few months as a result. He worked out of town for a month and I waited until last night to bring it up in person. I guess I hoped the messages would stop but they never did. He apologized and rightfully got mad at me for snooping. We both left hurt and angry last night and decided to take some time to think about the relationship. As much as my head says to end things, my heart knows his heart and that things could get back to how wonderful they were with patience and forgiveness. I'm really struggling if I should cut my losses or try to work things out. I've been praying about it and losing a lot of sleep over it since I first found the messages. I'd appreciate any advice you could offer and prayers you could send my way. All the best, Carol


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

carol- You should first ask him if he is willing to work on the relationship. Is he willing to cut ties with the past? Is he willing to deal with the root issues of his hurt? Is he willing to heal from it? You can get back to a wonderful relationship if he is willing to deal with these issues.


Apple 4 years ago

I have the same issue with a friend... She doesn't want to reconcile and blaming me that I've offended her for some reasons but I didn't know I offended her, I just knew when we had a fight. I take off my pride and I apologized for the things I didn't know that she was hurt for a long time, a past issues like 2 years ago (I almost forgot those things) was brought during our fight, it worsen and she don't want to talk with me.

I don't understand her....


Sam 4 years ago

My fiancé came home from working away and told me that our relationship is over. We have been together for 5 years and were due to be married in June this year. We own a house together and were planning our future. The events leading up to this were that I have anger and trust issues - nothing to do with him, I have a mental illness NOT that its an excuse.. I cheated on him last July and he says that its the reason why he cant do it anymore. He is everything to me and I love him with all my heart. Do I let him go? or fix myself and show him who I can be? I miss him so much.. :(


Trouble Child 4 years ago

This is very good article. I hope it's not too late.

Me and mine have landed in a horrible communication breakdown. We both feel wronged, we both feel like we haven't been listened to, we both feel like we deserve our needs to be met more than the other person does. It's a horrible stale mate, where we both want the other one to see the light, but at the same time refuse to be the one to step up to the plate first.

I really want this to work. I hope I can find the humility in myself to be the first one to put down the weapons and find strength in my love for him. I have apologized for my part in the problem (he hasn't) and tried to work on it. I have then grown resentful, thought, towards the fact that he hasn't done anything to meet me half way, but just kept on being negative.

I hope I can find patience in myself to reach out to him regardless of what he gives back to me. I can try that for some time and see if it melts his heart. If not, I think this is over. As sad as that makes me feel. I want us to come out of this, he is supposed to be my partner for life.


stayhappy 4 years ago

well, hi michael. great article. i've been in the relationship with my bf for 9 years.things were great this few years till recently..all the dreams that i hold & wish for broke into pieces..we used to have dream together..but now it faded..all of this happen in a sudden..it happen too fast and i m unable to accept it..he told me his love for me has faded..he found his soulmate..he even said want to break up with me but that time i pleaded him as i don't want our 9 years to draw a fullstop..so at last we still together...but he isn't the same anymore..he wont reply my message and if he does,just a really short one..as for that girl that he still love he reply a really long message...i even found out he bought present for that girl...but i kept silence..as i wont give up on him...but i feel pain in my heart..


helpme 4 years ago

I am wondering your opinion on couple things. Do you think it is alright to not tell your significant other whole truths in order to hide things or even outright lies so you don't have to go thru questioning? You know it will hurt them if they know some details on things and so you just don't mention it or outright lie.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Apple- We can't make people reconcile with us. We can only do our part. If they don't respond, then they are responsible. if you have done your part in reconciling with them, but they are still causing problems then you need to back off and live your life. Maybe in time they will come around.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Sam- i think for now you need to let go and work on yourself. Let him know that you are respecting his wishes, but that you are not giving up. Let him know that you are just working on yourself so that you can be better for him. But if he says nothing will help, then let him go , work on yourself and wait patiently for someone else.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Trouble Child- You said enough. Two books I want to recommend for you are The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman , and Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

stayhappy- we fool ourselves into thinking that our relationships will stay the same for the rest of our life. Life long relationships have ups and downs, happy and sad times, good and bad times. They aren't always happy. What your bf is finding is a new relationship and he believes that one will stay like that. He forgets that over the long haul that relationship will have it's struggles too. You might want to bring that to his attention. Too, he is being selfish and not thinking of you hurt. I'm not saying that you must stay together, but he needs to think more through it first.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

helpme- That is one that most people struggle with. If you have been seriously sick. Do you tell them or not. You don't want them to worry if it is nothing. But the right answer is that good relationships need to stay open and honest.


helpme 4 years ago

Thank you for responding. The thing I haven't been honest about is that I have been texting a guy I met in the chat room. My fiancé doesn't like me to have friends that are of the opposite sex. The guy I met online is so sweet and caring. He has expressed that he loves me, but I told him I could not have that kind of relationship with him. He has stopped pressuring me, but we still text, email, talk online and have even exchanged pictures. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years, have 2 kids and are planning to marry this summer. I love him, but I do care so deeply for this other guy and don't want to stop this friendship. He still tells me he loves me, but I don't respond. Do you think it is wrong to keep this from my fiancé? Am I wrong with keeping this other friendship when I don't plan on anything happening between us?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

helpme- I think you need to be honest about this friend with your fiancé before you get married. If not, it will weigh on you. Obviously this guy has feelings for you. So, you need to open up and tell your fiancé. Either he will break up with you, or he will still with you. Either way you will be better off for telling me.


stayhappy 4 years ago

hi michael. thank you for responding. yes he has been very selfish indeed..deep in my heart i know it but i keep fooling myself. i ask myself why i keep on torturing myself. but i told myself that my patience has a limit. i made a promise to my friends and family that i'll stay happy and strong and when the time come i really know what to do. without him i still can survive. michael, i really hate that girl. that girl is my boyfriend colleagues and even has a boyfriend. but still want to destroy others relationship. on valentine, my boyfriend bought me a gold ring & roses as a gift. i received it..i'm not happy at all..as i've a thinking is he making a compensation for me so that he feel less guilty..


Sabrina needs Hot Dogs to feed hungry factory workers! 4 years ago

me and my best friends is having a hard time it's only because of i touched my friend's wallet than after i touch it i put it back but then she lost her 100.000 money and this other girl influence her that i took the money and she influenced everyone else to hate me


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Sabrina- If you haven't done it yet, you should talk to your friend and let her know the truth. I'm not sure what you mean by you "touched" the wallet. But let your friend know that you still care and want to make the relationship right.


Mike 4 years ago

my girlfriend and i had a very serious thing going. everything was going good until when problems occur. i had to go far away to study, and fix up something for our future. while away, i know that she misses me badly and honestly there are times when i was so busy that i cant face her when she needs me. then suddenly she broke up with me in a text, she said that she cant handle it any longer, it broke my heart so bad that i wasn't able to eat for 2 weeks from now, and also sleep well. i love her so much, that i found shes starting to flirt with someone else. hey i don't want to be selfish but, i love her and i want to fight her back. i also discovered that she was already flirting with that guy nearing our breakup, i know that she only broke up with me cause shes looking for attention. i gave up everything now just to be near her, to be there everytime she needs me. i love her so much please help me what to do, im caught up in the middle, she said that she still loves me so much more than of that guy now, they are just friends but they're becoming too sweet now. i don't wanna lose her, i pray every now and then that God would give me the strength and all the things i need to be able to fix this relationship. im really depressed.


Meagan 4 years ago

Hi there.

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. We weren't getting along as we both have insecurities about ourselves that were flowing over into our relationship. Instead of working at them together, we chose to end things. Another reason is that my boyfriend is a born again Christian and felt that we weren't at the same level spiritually. I became a born again Christian when I was 17, but have lost my way and the life I have lived does not reflect my faith or my love for God. In the days that followed our Break up, I started reading the Bible again and rediscovering my faith in God. I am so excited to start living my life for him again. I have gone to a new Church, but its pretty old school. I really feel drawn to another Church in my area, but it is the same Church that my ex goes to. I pray that he and I can work on our relationship, and I have asked him but he seems set against it. How do I deal with all this? Should I cut all contact with him, should I try going to the Church he goes to? (I don't want him to think I'm going because of him). Your advise would be greatly appreciated.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Mike- Your hurt is understandable. I think maybe you realize now that the things you were pursuing isn't as important as your relationship with her. The best thing you can do right now is give her the attention she needs and love her well everyday. That is what she is getting in the other guy. Don't give up. Just simply keep loving her the best you can and win her through your unconditional love for her.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Meagan- I think that you need to develop your love with God first. That love is forever. Your love with this guy maybe be forever, but the romantic love it is now is only for this life. I can't offer a suggestion about which church to attend, because I'm a follower of Jesus and a pastor and I don't recommend going to church. It causes you to become a passive believer. Become part of a community of Jesus followers where you can be an active part daily. That is just a soapbox though. See my hub on Religion vs. Relationship.

As far as the guy goes it will work out if God wants it to.Too, you should read some good relationship books like Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Read good books while you wait on God to bring you back together.


Tom s 4 years ago

My gf and I have been together for 4 years we had sex every day in the beginning now we have none. We both still love each other, shee just got a job and is very busy now I never see her maybe acouple hours a week, we don't fight and we hug and kiss, I get depressed or discouraged with the no sex deal, we are in the thinking about if we should break up or not stage right now ive come to the point where I accept not seeing her a lot its just the sex or intimacy thing that I have asked her to try tostart again with me she just doesn't have the sex drive I want to work it out and be with her yet she says she isn't sure and wants me to be happy and that its not my fault how can I help her realize that I do want to work it out and she thinks if we do fix it it will go back to the same issues down the road


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Tom s- I'm one of those people that believe that sex is only for marriage. However, being married for almost 18 years I can tell you that a relationship can be good without sex. There have been times in my marriage that we had to go without sex for awhile due to physical problems and pregnancy. During those times we focused on our emotional relationship. Maybe right now is a good time for you to learn to love her for who she is and not what she can give you. True love doesn't ask the other person for anything, but gives itself unconditionally to the other person. Maybe that is what she is looking for from you.


narrr 4 years ago

this article gave me hope ... i broke up with my ex almost a year ago and i made a big mistake .. after the first few months he ask that we be on a break insread of broken up ..we agreed to see other people but had rules .... then the week of his birthday i was about to ask him to get back together but i forgot his birthday which upset him a lot and soo i ruined my chances as he started confiding in another female and grew close with her ... he said that it has nothing to do with her but i feel like he wants to see where it wud go .. when i eventually asked him back after his weekend away with this female he said no ..he said he is scared that i would break his heart .. i love him unconditionally and i let him kno evry few weeks or soo .. but lately ive been thinking about him like crazy .. cry a lot and i started msging him a lot too ... i dnt want to scare him away but i want him to kno how i feel ... i cant keep it bottled up n e more .. ive nvr been in love ever ... and i have accepted that i made mistakes ... but he doesn't want to give us another try it seem but at the same time he wont tell me that he doesn't want to be with me any .. i really think if he tells me he doesn't want this any more then i will accept and move on to the best of my abilties and let him be .. but if he isn't saying that i feel like if i do nothing if i don't make the moves then i will lose him completely .. he doesn't trust me anymore (i didn't cheat ) i jus kept little things from him ..i thought they wudnt really matter but i was soo wrong .. i cant talk to n e of my friends about him cause they all don't like him and im tired of all the negative stuff about him ...helpp ... deeply in luv and need to fix it but struggling


John G 4 years ago

I stumbled upon this article while trying to figure stuff out in my married life, and I have to say it is very informative, and it does give me hope.

My wife and I are married for 15 years now, and have three great kids. Unfortunately I did the most stupidest thing a husband could have done. I didn't cheat on her and never would, but I monitored her cell phone text messages. Calling one that seemed excessive. Although I didn't leave a message. It was a man on the answering machine. Well I just went into full panic mode. Thinking the worst. On the verge of a nervous breakdown. Long story short, it was her girlfriends husband on the message. But the damage was done. I let my own low self esteem get the best of me and think that she was cheating on me. I'm my mind all other relationships I've had ended up like that, why not this one. She feels violated, feels like she can't trust me. Says she never will again. I've learned my lesson but she refuses to forgive me. It just seems like the way she's acting doesn't fit her attitude toward me. I try and give her space to sort things out. I've actually started to go to counseling to have me overcome this. I just need to know how long is too long to wait to be forgiven. I've always been a good husband and father. I just made a mistake.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

narrr- keep in mind that you can't control him. You need to focus on being the best YOU that you can. If he is still in your life then you need to love him. Love him well. Love him like no one else does. And respect him. Men need respect, and showing him that respect will go a long way in his loving you.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

John G- true love never ends. I said that to say that you should not place a time limit on waiting to be forgiven. What are things that you need to forgive her for that you haven't let go of yet? You can't make her forgive you, but you can forgive her for her faults and love her with all your heart. You feared that she was having an affair. One way to keep her from an affair is to love her like no one else does. Love her so that she can't possibly be loved more by someone else. It will take time for her to trust you again.


confused 4 years ago

I have been friends with someone that I call my best friends for the past 15 years. We moved in together about a year and a half ago. Over this time we have become super close. I have a hard time trusting people, but I have learned so much since we have been living together. I know I am very emotional and I get attached very easily. My confusion comes here... My best friend doesn't call me his best friend; sometimes (especially lateky) I feel like I give more of an effort into our friendship then he does; I feel unappreciated; i've never heard him say nice things about me to others; I feel taken for granted; I am supportive, but I don't get it back. I don't believe in marriage and one day while out drinking he said something like "why don't you just admit that you don't want to get married because you cant find anyone". Is that really what he thinks of me? My bestfriend thinks that, how sucky is that? How do separate myself from him? How do I stay friends with him? I don't want to loose my friend, but I don't want this riendship to continue this way.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Confused- For a relationship, romantic or not, to work their has to be a two way street. If they aren't giving back to the friendship then it isn't going to work. You asked two opposite questions of how to leave and how to stay. You have to decide. If you haven't done it yet, then you both need to sit down and have a long talk about this. Find out where you both are coming from. It sounds like you think a friendship is a commitment that you keep and he doesn't see it that way. That will cause problems. Talk first, then decide what to do. You can email me with further help if you need to.


Tatianna 4 years ago

What is your email sir? I'd like to send my situation plz


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Tatlanna- Under my picture on my profile you will find a contact button. Click it and there you will be able to email me.


God'sUbiquity 4 years ago

Great article sir! It seems to be relatable to so many people probably because it is in God's plan to allow us to learn and love stronger through our lives, and through our lessons. My GF and I broke up after 4 years because I was an immature and aloof boyfriend. I often did not see the value of our relationship and she felt that I had residual feelings for my ex previous to her (I would bring her up and it was the wrong thing to do but I wanted to confide in her). I have repented to God for all my bad actions and for my selfishness in our relationship, and I continue to do so very night. It has been 2 years since we broke and we have been seeing each other from time to time because I have been trying to get her to see that I am not the same guy and that I have learned from my past mistakes. She recently told me that she cannot forget the past and that seeing each other is not healthy. She did the same thing exactly the same time last year, right after Valentine's Day and right before her birthday. I am confused and do not know if it is happening again because the last time she did this, we ended up seeing each other ago after 4 months and she had stopped seeing someone else. It hurts to go through this roller coaster but I feel that I deserve it and that I am willing to if it can help her see my lover for her. I am going to keep my distance and be patient. Anything else you can help guide me with would be appreciated. Thank your and God bless!


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

God'sUbiquity- Thanks for the props. It sounds like you are on the right path. You obviously cannot control her response. The Bible says that love is patient and it never gives up. So, just keep doing what your doing, pray for her, love her as much as you can and let God bring reconciliation. She may just need time to work through some issues.


Henry 4 years ago

I also believe this article was God send. I won't get into too much detail but through various mistakes and cowardly decisions I have lost the best woman and person who ever walked into my life. She has not completedly wrote me out of her life but keeps saying she needs time. Always saying things like "in time" and sort your issues out and we'll see. Some days I don't know how to read the signs? What I do know now is that I have tried to hard to win her back and not allowing her the time she's asking for. It's okay to confirm my love often but not to ask her to make a decision about us. Thank you. The one good thing that came from my problem is that I have reconnected with God. I was so busy before fighting God and trying to disprove His existence that I lost sight of how important this woman was to me. Now I am asking God for the wisdom and courage to win her back. I really want to. Please pray for me. What is even more amazing is seeing how God is answering my prayers in the smallest manifestations. I'm grateful to God for the small victories. Our biggest mistake is that in our prayers we ask for the end result and not for the small steps inbetween. Thank you God for showing me even when I didn't see. Again thank you Michael for a great article and thank you for praying for me sitting on the southern tip of the African continent. God bless you!


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Henry- thanks for the story and the wisdom. Yes, I often pray for the end result and miss the little victories and joy along the way. God bless you in Africa.


Sister-in-Christ 4 years ago

Micheal Davis, I too am a devoted Christian and I came across this page searching for comfort. For hours I read the posts and the AWESOME advice you were giving everyone. You also witnessed to a lot of hurting people.Matthew 6:3 talks about giving alms in secret and our Father will reward us openly.I want you to know God is very pleased with you! You have given yourself freely without asking anything in return. The encouragement and comfort you give to hurting people does not go unnoticed by God. If there is a way to contribute to your ministry, please give me the info. YOU AMAZE ME!


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

sister in Christ- Wow! I needed those words of encouragement right now. You can go to my ministry website- www.KnowingMeMinistries.org and there you will find how to contribute. A thousand fold blessing be on you for encouraging me. God notices what we do and so does Satan. Satan has been dogging me lately, so thank you for lifting me up.


wonderingyourthoughts 4 years ago

My husband and I have been married several years. I thought everything was going great until recently he sat me down and told me he had no feelings for me any longer. He really didn't see how our marriage was going to work and didn't care if our marriage continued or not. I was heart broken and in shock. He really doesn't believe me that I am willing to work on our relationship. He keeps telling me over and over how he has lost all feeling and it is too late. He doesn't have a desire to have sex, talk, do anything with me anymore, infect all he does is yell at me and call me names now. Do you think there is any hope for us? How do I get him to turn around and be willing to work on our relationship? I'm in such shock, I just don't know what to do at this point. I love him so much, but he acts like I am the worst person in this entire world. Can you help?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

wonderingyourthoughts- I'm sorry to find you in this situation. Yes, there is hope. I have seen the worst marriages turn into beautiful realities. Your husband does not need to get his feelings back for you. What he needs to do is learn to love you even if he doesn't have the feelings. After he learns to love you, then the feelings will follow. We have come to believe that love is an emotion. Love is a conscious choice you make. We are told that God loves us, but I doubt that God feels most of the time like loving us, because we can be stubborn. Love is a choice of the will. So, I encourage your husband to assume his role as your lover, then he will get the feelings back. In the mean time I encourage you to show him respect, whether he deserves it or not, because that is how men feel loved. Too, the emotions you are feeling are completely normal due to shock of what he said. Don't give up, things can turn around.


praying_for_restoration 4 years ago

My best friend and I have had an incredibly close friendship for four to five years. I'd actually fallen in love with her two years into our friendship, but as she was dating a mutual friend, I tried to keep my feelings to myself in deferrence to their happiness. Eventually, both did suspect the depth of my feelings and I came clean, but we all remained close despite this.

She eventually started coming to me with relationship advice, being unhappy with her relationship, and I did my best to help her and them as a couple while remaining neutral. She eventually ended their relationship, and confessed to having fallen in love with me, too. Through a tough couple of months, she and our mutual friend reconciled as just good friends, but she chose to put some distance between us for a time in order to not have our relationship start off on a seemingly dishonorable note, and to give me time to put my life in order too. (I had become unemployed, and she was afraid to be in a relationship in which she had to support her boyfriend or that had no future of his bettering himself. This was the case with her relationship with our mutual friend, who had gone onto disability early in their relationship and whom she bore the brunt of the household upkeep for, and was one of the sources of the relationship's end for them.) Our mutual friend and I also re-established our friendship as well.

Once I became employed, she became unemployed and accepted a free gratus living roommate arrangement with our mutual friend, who'd received a small settlement that allowed him to purchase a mobile home. The three of us began hanging out again, and her need for my friendship and our flirtations increased again as well, though without any movement towards a deeper relationship yet.

Then, circumstances forced me to leave my home, and rather than allow me to take up living with my family and paying what they felt was too much rent for just a room, she and her now-roommate agreed to let me temporarily move in for a fraction of the price for a few months until I could get my own place.

During this time, she sank into a depression from being unemployed, and out of fear that I would eventually just take advantage of her and stay there. She became distant from me, and drew away, needing space. This hurt me badly, because I needed her support at this time, too, and I desperately wanted to help her in her time of need, as we always had. She perceived this as me putting too much pressure on her. Even though she told me she would get better and that she still loved me, we fought a lot over misunderstood hurts. When I lost my job again due to a lay-off, I moved out to prevent stress to my family's.

She remained silent save for a few Facebook responses or comments for one month, but our mutual friend, her roommate, told me she was still incredibly upset with me over my neediness and was harboring unforgiveness. At this time I messaged her and apologized for everything. She claimed my apology came too late and wanted to speak of it no more. I, in return, told her that whatever I'd done, it was out of confusion and hurt, and I never meant to hurt her, and I was sorry. This she took as me trying to put the blame off on her, and she became angry. I reaffirmed that tthis wasn't so, I re-apologized, and reaffirmed my love for her. I sent a couple of well wishes through her roommate to her over a two-week period after that, at the end of which I's responded to a Facebook post of hers concerning headaches, giving her helpful remedies and wishing her well. She returned with a private message that she wanted no love, no well wishes, or anything else from me, and she wanted to be left alone, ending in strong language.

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since then, and I've not messaged her back, or commented on her postings. This last Saturday, she shared a photo message that read "People say you don't know what you've got till it's gone, but the truth is that you did, you just never thought that you'd lose it." I have no certainty that this concerned us, but I can't really see any other possibilities, as she and her roommate are still in good standing, and still single, and she's had no other relationships, or friendship falling-outs that I'm aware of.

I just want to do the right thing by her, and I pray fervently that the Lord reconcile us. She has never been the type of person to throw off friendships, but these are the reactions of someone deeply hurt, by me, and I don't understand how what I'd done had caused this. We were inseperateable friends, and more, for such a long time, suffering hurts and setbacks like all relationships do without faltering. This is so completely different and new that it terrifies me now.

I want to give her time, but I don't want her to think I've given up and moved on. I want to respond to her, by text or message or whatever, but I'm afraid that if I do, it'll turn out I misjudged her readiness and she'll react in anger and hurt again. I am in a wreck without her, and with her record of reconciliation, and the depth of our confessed feelings, I cannot believe she's just tossed away our relationship over this. I must have faith and hope in this, but how should I proceed? Should I wait for her to directly respond, or try again later? And if so, how long should I wait?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

praying_for_restoration- This is truly sad. Since she has made it so clear that she wants nothing from you for now, you should just leave it alone. MAYBE in a month message her and let her know you still love her and think of her. But, give her what she has asked for. In the meantime, work on your own healing so that when she is ready, you can be the strong man she needs you to be. I think if you both were together right now there would be a lot of problems since you both are hurting.


smi 4 years ago

Please i need a help, how can i get back my love, plz bro help me.. we were in relationship for 2yrs, he is telling he dosnt want relationship any more, if i ask the reason he is telling i doubt him, i fight wth him alwys thats why. I promised that further i wount do , evn i was not doing doubt on him, but one day i got to knw instaed of me being here he is roaming with another girl, aftr that i askd ppolitely he told yes he got attracted by her, I forgave him. he promised me he wount do next. i told him it gives pain a lot if do this thng.. i told gv me somtmes again i wil regain my belve, i was tryng to belve again, i was cryng loudly infrnt him why you broke my heart, now i am tryng to get back it but its giving me more pain.. when i startd , again he repeatd this thng with another girl.. this thing he did thrice. I asked him dirctly, I told him i love more then anything, plase tell me do love me or not, or you want leave me.. that time he used tell me no i dnt want to leave you, i love you.. but i like do flirtng with another girl.. i told him babe i can bear anythng bt this thng gve me pain.. as ur wish babe..Alwys i used forgv him.. evn our parents knws about relation. even my all relatives knws. he talkd to my parents also. every one knows about our relationship.. even we used stay as a family.. but suddenly he has broken without any reason.. please bro help me to get my love back.. i am trying but still i dint get any result.. give me ur mail id if posble .. plz


smi 4 years ago

sir can i get ur mail id please?


one day at a time 4 years ago

Great info. I am recently divorced and my ex-wife did some really bad things. She lied and cheated. I am strugling with my current relationship, I am having difficulty trusting. I snoop and look on her phone, its like I am looking for something to disqualify the relationship to keep from being hurt again. My girl friend is a socal bunny and knows alot of people. She has a special friend that she remains in contact with and they had an initimate past. I told her that I am uncomfortable with the relationship and asked her to help me understand the need for her to remain connected to him or let me go. While snooping I noticed they are talking regularly. It is causing discord between us. I know snooping is wrong but for her not honoring how I feel is equally wrong. Any advise?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

smi- It sounds like you two are stuck in a crazy cycle. I will help through email. You will find a way to email me under my picture in my profile.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

one day at a time- First, I would say that you may not have given yourself time to heal before getting into a relationship. The fact that you are not trusting her by checking her phone probably comes from your ex wife cheating on you. Yes, she needs to respect what you need. If she is unwilling to disconnect from this other man, maybe it's time to move on and heal so that you can enjoy a beautiful relationship.


Joshy 4 years ago

Dear Michael:

Thanks for your article. I am still unsure what to do to mend my friendship with John.

This happens four weeks ago before my spring break. For two days, my best friend John, who used to get food with me study with me pretty much all the time starts to ignore me for two days. The first day, I was tried to talk to him through QQ (an IM system that he is on there pretty much all the time, he only adds close friend to QQ). This is also the primary way of communicate while we did not see each other besides phone. On the Sunday, his phone cannot call but only text. I talk to him on QQ about a problem I have, something nonacademic, he ignored my four messages. Then at night of the same day, I fall off my bike roller, (hurt, ouch). I talk to him on QQ about the fall, and ask him if he has something like bandaids. He ignored me again. John starts to ignore some of my messages on QQ a week before this happens. And he always say he did not see it. The message appear whenever you leave it there. So I was suspecting him for that. In the next day, since his phone did not work, I did not call him/text him cuz I was busy. I asked for dinner he went to workout with other friends. I talk to him at night on QQ about an academic problem. But he ignores me again, I went to his room I see the light is on but no one is opening the door (maybe he is not there Idk). I texted him and he says he forgot it you can ask someone else. I then texted him, are you okay these days, you have been ignoring my messages, did I do anything wrong to you? He says he is just busy these days. Then I text are you sure, you do not looks as happy as you used to be, “something like that” he ignored me. I was sick the night and I asked him for medicine, he did not give the medicine to me although he asked me for symptom, instead Greg, a mutual friend brought me his medicines (I find out after a week, some of the medicines is from John).

The next day I was sick to get lunch I asked him for bringing me a lunch if you are free. He says he is in a class right now, then I said not now whenever you are done. Then he texted “I think I have an appointment with a professor later” I realized this is probably a lie. If he really has an appointment he would tell me this in the first place. So I was a bit mad I just text and saying when you were sick I used to bring food to you pretty much everyday. I asked him what is wrong again, and said something like “girlfriend is not the only thing you should care, other friends loves you too.” He replied stop being rude people have reasons not to do things, you shouldn’t impose embrassing comments on them for me I do not want to struggle things about girl, do not be fussy.” I said sorry in the text. Then I figured out he went for food himself, heard this from other friends. I met him in the end of the day and I said sorry, he said it is fine not a problem.

In the next few days he is still cold to me when we met, I talk to some mutual friend, not that close ones just to say hey you know what happen to john this couple days, is he okay? He is been ignoring me for a while. Then I see his facebook status in the next day posted “big mouth”. I thought he is talking about me but I am not sure.

In the week we did not text each other, I just want to give him space. On the next week, I saw him in the café, I said hi he greets me coldly and barely look at me when I am talking. Then I called him the night and asked him for a book he answered the phone surprisingly, I really should talk about the problem to him but I did not since I am so busy. He sounds fine and okay at that time. Then the next days we get food together as if it is normal. After that day, I called him he ignored all of them. On Friday, we met in the café and go to library together, he gets a bit cold again. When I pat on his shoulder, he said stop annoying me. I asked him what is wrong, then he left the library afterward.

The next day I was sick as a dog again, Greg the mutual friend comes to visit me and brought back three books that I lend to John for the semester. I realize that this is the end of our friendship. Criag said he gets a bit annoyed at me in the first place in that I talk a bit too much about the difficult times I gone through. He also gets annoyed about me telling things between us to other friends(around 6 people know this). So I want to repair the friendship. After a week, I give Greg the apology letter hope this would help, but John said “I do not want to think about this right now”. The next day he defriended me on QQ. I was surprised. Now after a week this happens, this is spring break I am unsure what to do.

I think I mistaken in that I shouldn’t my friend is leaving me. I should not send the malicious texts. But I still unsure if I really did anything wrong. My mom and Greg said I should let it go as I did not really do anything wrong. Greg said that he gets annoyed when I keeps finding him when he ignores me. But I do not know why he ignores me. He is not willing to talk to me in any form so communication is a key barricade to mend the friendship. Although some of friends said to let it go, but I am so eager to mend the friendship cuz we helped each other A LOT last year. John is introvert person, not that open minded person. But he is nice though and he realized he is not open minded. This looks awkward for our mutual friend as well. John is now in vacation in Puerto Rico with some friends that are not to close to him. And some travel mate he really hates. I am not sure what to do after this maybe this is a good way to clear his mind about this? But people told me to let it go since I did not do anything seriously wrong. Even I did do something wrong, he can just tell me. I am not sure what to do now, but I really want to repair the friendship

Thanks for reading this

Josh


amathnerd 4 years ago

I am Josh can you send me advice through my email? thanks so much I am really frustrated about this.


one day at a time 4 years ago

GOD BLESS YOU SIR. Is there any methods of sending a donation to your ministry in your honor or a charity of your choice. I appreciate the gift you are sharing with humanity. Thank you for being a willing servant.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Josh- i will repsond to your email


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

one day at a time- Thank you so much. You can go to www.KnowingMeMinistries.org and there you will find how to donate to our ministry.


smi 4 years ago

I am going on a tough a time from 6months.. i love him more then before even he broke up relationship. If some one ask about our relationship, i just yea its going gud, evn i can tell that we are not talking more, becoz it hurts me a lot.. so alwys tell my heart, whatevr he is i dont knw but i love him more then anything. even he knows i love him more then anything, he is telling love is not evrything for liofe, even i told him whatevr you want how you want me i will change myself, even i have changed a lot for.. still you telling this thing.. Please pray for me. I am in big problem, after broke up, I love him more then before.. plz help me to get him back.. I tried so many ways but no output.. Plz help me


Teabag 4 years ago

My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for nearly 3 years. We have a baby son who is 1 years old. 6 weeks ago he told me he had no feelings for me and can't see the future with any more children. We had planned alot together but it's all backfired because I don't do what he says or listen to him. Anyhow, I've been awful and not acknowledging his feelings and shrugging off his hugs in the past. Simply because having baby and been focussing on baby. So basically I have neglected his feelings. Also when we have arguements they are very heated and we both get fired up. He says it's not good for my baby to see us arguing so need to end the marriage and that my attititude and fiery temper needs to change as it causes him to be on eggshells and be scared as my anger sprials out of control. He has forgiven me many times in the past but now he can't. Another thing is I found a text from a male work collegue saying he loves him. My husbannds not gay but I presumed it was male codename for the woman at work and asked him but he denied this and then i accused him. Now he's asking for divorce but i don't want it. I have apologised for the accusations as I haven't trusted him in the past and also for my fiery temper but he says he's made up his mind and not going back on his decision. I really want my marriage to work and he says he doesn't hate me but focus on the future with my baby son and he will continually support us financially and see him once a week. I often text and call him and tell him that I'm overcoming this and he tells me to focus on myself and move on with my life. What shall I do because i really want my marriage to work and really want him to trust me. He says its not about forgiveness as our relationship is over. I just want him to realise I know where I've gone wrong and neglected and want him back. is it too late to save my marriage you think as he's already planned it looks like what he intends to do and wants the divorce quick. He has been spending lots of time on he computer and we had drifted apart but now I want things back but he says nothing can help now and no longer loves me and doesn't see a future. We have been quite amicable these last two days and i've said and acknowledged where I've gone wrong which he accepts but says focus what I need to do and look after our baby son and he will always be there for us despite over. Any hope and what should i do?


Teabag 4 years ago

Continuing on my husband says not to call and text him often as he has no feelings for me and he doesn't return my calls and texts or emails lately. I think he wants to wean off his affections from me and looks like he's planned his own life without me? Please help, thank you


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

smi- I want to start by reminding you that you cannot control him. Too, we can lose balance in life by being too focused on one person and forgetting about all the other beautiful people in our life. I'm not sure what all the details of your situation are, but give him the time and space he needs and try not to overpower him. Remind him of your love for him, but let him figure it out. Focus on others that are in your life as well. Look at all the beauty of life around you. Give the relationship the time it needs to heal. You don't have to fix everything right now. Give it time.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Teabag- Oh, Teabag, this breaks my heart to hear. There is hope. I have seen in my counseling the absolute most hopeless marriages turn around and thrive. He is dealing with a lot of hurt it sounds like. He can heal and love you again if he lets himself. But, it sounds like either he doesn't believe he can heal or he is being selfish. I don't see how, if he is acting this way, he would stay in your life over a long time. What you can do right now is work on yourself and pray hard for this situation. What happened to you two is that you got stuck in a cycle of craziness where you both ramped up instead of dealing with problems. What you could both learn is how to respect and love each other.

You might think about texting him once a day and tell him one quality you love about him. Even if he doesn't respond he will still see it. Too, let him know how you are changing.

Do this, google Love and Respect Conferences and find the one nearest you and invite him to go with you to just one day of the conference. Then just see where it goes from there. Keep me posted please.


smi 4 years ago

yes sir I tried indircly to make him understand that whatevr he is doing is not. I dint give him any restriction evn though he told after coming to his life his life became restricted, evn though i dint give any restriction. Okay I wil give him totally silence space, evn i wount message him, no contact. But sir you told me to remin him my love, how is it posble without any contact. Evn openly in facebook he is givng update he is searchng soulmate for him. Sir you know i did all those thing what he like, how he wants me i gave. I changed myself for him bcoz i like what he likes. stil he did this.. Okay i wil give space without any contact. somtimes he message me to get married soon, even though he knws i never wil do.. I engagd myself in social work and evn i am working in IT company. Sir as much posble please help me.. It was posble i could tell u over phone all problems.. Thank you sir for replyng me..


amathnerd 4 years ago

Thanks for your comment Michael. The biggest problem is that I do not know what is the problem. Maybe he just get annoyed by something else and strand me for two days but I got oversensitive on that issue. So I contacted him and that makes him more annoyed. Now we are like strangers. I cannot talk to him (I could probably that will make him worse). Other friends just tell me to let it go because john did not even mention about this matter to other people. They said I did not do anything wrong. But I am frustrated since he was a really good friend of mine. What should I do except wait and wait?


Teabag 4 years ago

Thanks Micahel for your comments. I would love to go to one of the conferences but I'm over here in the UK. I stumbled on your website by accident and guess it's luck that i did. I think you are right, either he doesn't want to heal and work things out or he is just selfish. I daren't text him now because he says it will only drive him away and he says he's made up his mind and not going back on hs decision when I spoke to him on saturday. He is a stubborn character, no is no... I just want him to realise that we need to stay strong and i'm going to change and that we are such a young family i want him to be part of my son's daily life. He said he will always be there for us but the reason why I want this to work is to be there as a father and not regret not seeing him develop everyday. Also, we have been through so much over the five years, I just can't let go but everyone in my family says let him go and what is to be will be and make me a better person and focus on my baby and the future. My husband it seems has programmed himself that he's given so much thouht and adamant to stay this way but I just want to hope and pray he will realise we are both special each other and have such a wonderful baby boy who is so well behaved and deserves a family. He says our relationship isn't healthy for baby to see us arguing like that but now I know the problem, i just want him to see i'm changing and want to change and hope he notices. He says he's always been saying our relationship is over and this time it's over and wants to see the divorce through but I want him to take me back. These last couple of weeks, when we have been getting on fine, he will always say, you do know we are getting divorced, i tell him I don't want to and want to try and then he gets so annoyed and walks out. Thanks for listening, i can only hope and pray that my husband will come back but i'm not too sure as he's been adamant about this.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Teabag- First, let me thank you for reminding me that the world doesn't revolve around the United States. I try to figure out if people live here in the States or not by their grammar and use of English, but you fooled me. Good job!!!!

This is tough. It sounds like you are in a waiting game right now. Either he will get it and come back or he will have to live the rest of his life living with one of the dumbest decisions he could make.

Keep me updated.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

amathnerd- Yes, it sounds like you will have to play the waiting game. Unfortunately, you can be the best person, but other people will still walk away for no reason. It's hard to deal with.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

smi- It is hard to just let someone go, but it sounds like you have no choice. Hopefully, he comes around. There is always hope.


smi 4 years ago

I came herewith lo of hope. I tried all the way but no output.I wil wait for him forever. He asked me to be with him as a friend. If i am agree with his proposal then he told he wil share everything with me. even though he knws we were staying together, even our family and relatives knws. after all those thing he asking me to be with him as a friend. So sir please sugesset me what shall i do? should i agree with his proposal or shall i give him another 1 or 2 months space , full silence space. Sir please sugest me which one is gud for me?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

smi- I think you should go with the proposal. Friendship can grow into more. Right now you should be content with being friends. After all, friendship is the foundation of all good relationships.


smi 4 years ago

Okay sir.. please pray for me..


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

smi- will do.


amathnerd 4 years ago

Hey Mike! I hope you still remember my matter. Besides waiting, since he just get back from vacation. Do you think it is a good idea to just knock on his door to have a face 2 face conversation. I meant I can just start casual by talking about the vacation.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

amathnerd- Might not be a bad idea to show up and ask how the vacation went. Don't push any issues. Just keep it light and see where it goes.


Greg 4 years ago

Sir,

I am currently serving in the British army in Germany, I am currenty in a relationship with a German girl for a year and six months. The thing is that I had just ended a relationship with another person a week before I met the German girl, the new thing turned out ito be a whirlwind relationship and I quickly fell in love but due to the problems that I had experienced in the previous relationship (of which I was still trying to resolve) they caused problems with my current relationship. The other problem is that I deployed to another country in September last year and during the time before I deployed I didn't have the time to resolve and repair the problems that I was experiencing in my new relationship. The problems that I had in this relationship had stemmed from my past with my ex. The story is that when me and my ex broke up we became friends (we were together on and off for 13 years) then my ex found someone else and even though I was with my new girl I found that I still had strong feeling for my ex, I tried to hide these feelings from my German girl but she saw right through me. Then my relationship with my ex came to a verbally violent end due to the text messages and phone calls that I had received from her and her new boyfriend over nothing I had actually done wrong. Anyway I told my current girlfriend about the texts, calls etc which happened everyday for about a month. Then my German girlfriend then became suspicious of me cheating on her even though I have been totally faithful. Due to family problems I didn't have time to repair our relationship before I deployed because I spent most of my time sorting them out.

I then deployed to afghan, I thought that I could try and repair thing whilst I have been out here but due to the distance my girl had got into her head that I was still cheating on her (like I said I have never cheated), I went on leave to Germany in January and tried to sort things out between us then but due to my leave o ly being two weeks, it wasnt enough time for me to prove to her that I do love her and she is my world.

Two weeks ago I had received a message on my new Facebook page from my ex stating that I had been cheating on my new girlfriend whist I have been with her (I had deleted my old Facebook page due to the abuse stated above) this message was sent from my previously closed Facebook page, my girl saw the message before I did and obviously sent me a a horrid email, I phoned her stating it was all lies and I don't understand what was happening (I was truthful). Now my girlfriend really doesnt trust me and now thinks that I have been cheating on her even though I am completely innocent. We both want to sort out our relationship but how can I do this with my ex almost stalking me? how do I prove that I am innocent? And lastly how do I prove that I do love her and I am faithful to her? I leave afghan in a weeks time and I really want her to be at my home coming and I really want to spend all my time with her but I need to find a was of convincing her that I am who she thought I was and not what she thinks I am now after all the problems


help! 4 years ago

Thanks for the basic feedback. It's simple but it's definitely all full of helpful reminders. I'm a Christian too and really screwed up. My marriage is in shambles. It's terrible. More than anything, I want forgiveness and reconciliation. I'm trying to be patient, and have been doing ok with it for a few weeks. But today I had an honest meltdown and was just really honest about the fact that I still care. My husband basically told me to f off and that he didn't care about me. I don't believe him. I know we both love each other; I truly believe this deep down. He doesn't believe that I love him. Gosh it is a huge walk up hill trying to regain credibility when you say, "I love you." I agree with you about time. Time may not heal all things. But my husband will run forever and then we'll die. ah! But at the same time, I know I have to be really patient because every time I push a little, it drives him farther away. I know if I was to push he'd defer to a divorce, and I don't think that is the best thing for either of us. First, because we had a beautiful relationship for 10 yrs... second, because I believe God's will is to stay in a marriage, if it's at all possible. I believe he loves marriage and wants to keep it if he can. help! :/ this stuff is super hard.


amathnerd 4 years ago

I did not show up in his room. I was in his neighbor room talking to my other friends. He probably heard me. He deleted me as a friend on google plus, but still have me as a friend on facebook. I think he is trying piss me off on purpose. He is thinking:" You want to get close to me? huh? I am just gonna ignore you and piss u off even more" So I am just gonna play the waiting game. Do you think in this case he would still come back to me? When we see each other on campus, should I just smile and say hi and how are you (Keep the conversation short). Even if he does not even say hi to me?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Greg- This can be very frustrating. Two things I would suggest is to write a long, heart felt message to your girlfriend stating why you love her, all the good things about her and how you have been completely honest with her. Write this with gentle passion from the bottom of your heart. Let her know that you will do what it takes to prove your faithfulness to her.

As far as how to prove your faithfulness. That will take time. Just love her with all your heart and make her feel like a queen.

If the ex continues stalking you and causing problems, you should consider a restraining order, so that you can focus on your girlfriend, instead of constantly putting fires out with your ex, if you feel it is necessary.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

help!- yes, this stuff is hard. We live in a world of selfishness. As humans we tend to think only of ourselves and everything in the world is interpreted by what it means to ME and how it affects ME. In marriage, we have to live in love and think about the other person. Struggle makes us stronger and more dependent on God. Only God is perfect and only God can control anything. You may have screwed up and feel like you're living on the edge of collapse, but learn to let go and trust God to work it out. As you wait on God, you will discover that you are becoming a better person. Hang in there.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

amathnerd- It is no fun to go through this. Sounds like they are acting very immature. It is good that you care so much to reconcile with this person. That shows how mature you are. I don't know if he will come back as I can't know the future. But, you should say hello and smile when you see them. This may eventually bring them back around if they see you are choosing to forgive and not fight back.


amathnerd 4 years ago

Thanks Mike. I do care every friends I have and willing to forgive his immatureness. Now I completed understand things going on between us. It is not a big deal. You get mature eventually by going through all these rough times. It is worth to reconcile from my side with him anymore. Even he choose to come back, I will be more careful with his him. I forgive but not completely forget his immatureness when dealing with things like this.


Greg 4 years ago

Thanks mike, I hope and pray that it works mate.

Stay safe and healthy dude, and god bless.


ahopelessnerd 4 years ago

Thank you,I understand where I went wrong Im just to impatient and shy, you know three years and nothing has happened.

Great article I pray for all of you my enemies my freinds and me. God bless you all, a fellow follower of Our lord God


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

ahopelesnerd- We all make mistakes. THe thing to do is grow from it and become a better person.


Caroline 4 years ago

Please pray for me to reconcile with my boyfriend. he broke up with me after he lost his father while i was at school. Please pray for me that he may take me back and that we may reconcile and have an even better relationship and be guided to holy matrimony and have a blessed marriage and children. Please pray that we may start to communicate with each other. We had planned so many things after school including marriage and i don;t know what happened and he refuses to talk to me.


christine 4 years ago

This really helpful..

Well i argued with my brst friend few days ago.. i heard from my her friend she said my best friend thinks im very annoying whatsoever.. i was too jeaslous because i dun like my best friends to talk or hang out with someone else we both did somethio wrong . I ask her to startover again .. she said she needs time but i think shes kind of ignoring me..pls pray for me i lost all my best friends because of the stupid arguements and bad relationship..i just hope we all can still be beat friends..i forgave them ..im waiting to start over again..


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Caroline- I will pray


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Christine- I will pray. I'm a little concerned if you are losing all your friends, and recently lost your best friend. I wonder if you struggle with knowing how to have a good relationship. If you need further help, feel free to email me.


Eric Hall 4 years ago

Hello-

I need help in getting my relationship back on track with my girlfriend. The last 6 weeks have been tough. My girlfirend got tired of the arguments and drama that I created for us with my insecurities, and low self esteem. I have been selfish, and at times aloof to her needs. Both of us have our issues, and we have 2 kids a piece and have been married and divorced. I tend to bring in the failures and setbacks of my life into a relationship and it can become too much for that person. I love this woman. She told me that she was doing her own things, not worried about a relationship with anyone other than herself and her kids. I have not seen her in 6 weeks, I have tried to lightly contact her, no response. We have some parenting philosophy differences, but nothing I didn't think was out of the ordinary. I have not been a great communicator, and tend to guard my feelings. What I would like to do is rebuid this relationship. I am worried about rejection, because for the last 16 months we have had a good thing. I miss her, and I would like some help in reconcile this relationship to make it better, and stronger. Any helpful ideas would be great. I have been going to counseling for the last 2 years to work on my issues, and only recently I have been working extensively on making the changes in my habits and behaviors. Do I have a chance, because I believe in this love. Thank you


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Eric Hall- First, I do believe that you have a chance. Too, I have a couple suggestions that I think will really help. One is from the Bible and one is from another book. If you have no affiliation with Christianity you can still put these suggestions into practice. The one from the Bible is I Corinthians chapter 13- here, it is spelled out in clear language what true love looks like and how it is lived out. If you live out the things listed here you will see a lot of improvement. The other is called The Love Dare. It is a 40 day journey of showing love to your girlfriend. Now, to do this you will need to convince her that you are serious and that you want to have a chance to make things right. You will need to write to her in detail passionately from your heart that you are willing to do what it takes to win her love and trust.

If you need further help feel free to email me.


hopesanthem 4 years ago

I'm asking for prayer for reconciliation with my best friend we really connected, and had a lot in common. We attend the same church and played on the same worship time. One day she told me she struggled with SSA and I wasn't concerned about it because I never did our friendship grew and one day after giving her an gift she came on to me and kissed me. We ended our friendship and she confessed to her christian leaders and we have spoke once to get closer, and our friendship has been over with for 15 months. I really believe with proper bondaries and accountibility we can begin to restore our friendship as that was not the center of friendship Christ was, but we occastionally see each other at chruch and she doesn't want anything to do with me (although I never approach her) and I don't want to push her in anyway, I'm stuck on what tp do. To be honest I dont know how she feels and if she's dealth with those feelings or whats going on with her.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

hopesanthem- There is something very wrong in Christianity in that there is a belief that there are some things Christians shouldn't struggle with. But, the reality is that Christians can struggle with anything. If a man were attracted to you, would you break off the friendship? Then why break off the friendship if it is a woman who is attracted to you? They are both made in God's image. I strongly encourage you to read the book "The Moral Vision of the New Testament" by Richard B. Hays. It is deep reading, but very good for this situation. Especially read the chapter on homosexuality. In it he talks about a friend of his who struggled with being attracted to the same sex. However, he sincerely loved Christ. Though his friend died of AIDS, he died with a deep desire to follow Christ. We all struggle in some way. There is no sin that is worse than others. You should approach your friend, ask her forgiveness and let her know that you are there for her. Even if she is attracted to you, she needs you and God would be pleased to see two of His kids getting along. Her attraction to you is no different than the things you struggle with. Read that book and the chapter on homosexuality and get going with loving as Christ loved. Yes, there needs to be boundaries but that goes for all relationships.


smi 4 years ago

Sir he does not want friendship also now. Before he only told to be as a friend, when i agreed with him, he is telling dont message me in future. he asking me why i am poking in his life repeatedly. Even i dont message him, I message after 2 weeks or monthly once. I tried to dont message but when i hear he is not feeling well i cant control myself. I love him so much. I love him more then anything. Now a days i dont know how is he, so last night i askd him how r u through message but he told me dont do repetation, dnt create more problems. why are you poking in my life repeatedly eventhough i dnt distrb him, eventhough i dont message him regularly. Sir what shall I do? I can do anything sir for him... Please help me


pollypocket74 4 years ago

It's about 4am and there is no sleep to be had, so I picked up the computer this evening and here I am. I'm very pleased that I found your article, as you can imagine why, as all of us here are searching to possibly heal a relationship gone bad.

I read your article and some of the comments afterward.

Back in the beginning of this year, my life as I knew it, came crashing down. What did I know of my life?? I believed my family of four (two kids and my fiance) to be a happy couple, truly loving, and most important trusted and strong. The crash, or slap in the face, came in Feb while I was sitting at my computer and received an email from his ex-girlfriend (that he knew since he was 15 years old) who had apparently carried on a relationship from the time our first son was born in 2008. It is now 2012. She simply called him up, as I learned after this slap, and he let her back into hs life. He did not believe that it was wrong, even after I learned (as she shared all of his emails with me, facebook, pics, etc.,) that it turned to a "sexual internet talk exchange which also carried into many late night and away phone calls".

Immediately, as he was out of town on a business trip, I phoned him, screamed, packed up his stuff, threw it all out of the front door, took a picture and sent it to him on the cell. All while he was in an important meeting. I figured, "BAM!!! I know what you did and screw you!!".

I won't bore you with details, but I obviously kicked him out of our home. Which was so hard on my boys, but they just knew that daddy was at a meeting for a few days.

Since this happened, back in Feb.. He has started Christian counseling (on his own). That is a huge step!! I am proud of him for that step in the right direction.

As for me, I am trying to heal with a support group, that I have been to once.. so not really. I am ashamed. I wish I had done something that could of provoked his behavior, but I simply did not and he too has told me this.

I understand why he held onto a past girfrliend. In ways, I am relieved that it was a past girlfriend because I would feel so much worse if he had found a new love to pursue, plus this particular one is a suicidal nut case. I have to believe that all he wanted from her was a "dirty little secret" that he could call up and she would send him "special pictures..let's call em" So, yes it was a cheating relationship since 2008, one month after our first son was born to Feb 2012, but he still states that he never went to visit her and she too never visited him. Yet, I don't believe that.

I want to heal from this hurt and I too have started to attend church regularly with him and our boys. I feel good when I am around him, like we can work through this, but then sometimes her name will pop back into my life/head and it just ticks me off all over again. I want to forgive him, but the trust issue is a big thing with me right now and even though he is in counseling and he's pleased to be there too, I just can't get over this hurt. He's learning that had he believed in God and had God in his life, then this would not of happened. We both were not close to Christ or God and we are trying to build a relationship with the Heavenly Father today, as we should of such a long time ago.

I can't understand why he did this and no amount of repeating myself/asking him will help me with that, like I said, I wish I had done something too whereas I could say, "ok, well I too messed up so I understand and I want your forgiveness." Yet, that isn't the case. I've asked him numerous times threw tears and not, why he did this to us, but it's always the same.. "he knows he messed up and he's trying to fix it."

We are not married yet. My parents want me to now wait at least another year before we are married, but my friends are saying, "do it now". I guess, they are saying that because they feel that it will show the "ultimate committment".

I am still lost and hope that by coming closer to God and his ways, that I too will heal and be a stronger person. It's a struggle, but I hope in sharing my story with all of you that you know you are not alone!! I will continue to try to heal my hurt, be closer to the Heavenly Father and be stronger for my family. It's hard.


pollypocket74 4 years ago

I agree with your comment of snooping to "One day at a time".

I started to snoop around and being a whiz on the computer I know where to look (unfortunately). Well, what does that help? It's like asking too many questions about his emotional infidelity issues. I want to know the answers, but why? What will that help? Closure.. ha, yeah right! All it will do is just spin my head around and around and around.. no way out of thinking bad thoughts.. not worth it! I realize, that he is trying to be a stronger person and when I really feel the need to snoop around.. I ask myself why? What is the underlying cause of 'today's snooping.. versus yesterday when that thought never popped into my head?"


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

smi- It sounds like you are just going to have to let go. To him, if you contact him anymore you will be controlling him, which will push him further away. I know you love him, but you are going to have to let go and trust.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

pollypocket74- Okay, first I need to get your thinking turned around about God. To say that if he had God in his life before, then he wouldn't have done this. That is just wrong. People who follow Jesus sin all the time. In Romans 7, the apostle Paul states that every time he wants to do good, that sin is right there with him. Galatians 5 is a good passage to study about what causes us to do wrong or right- we do what we have our mind set on and who we submit to. If we have our mind set on sin and submit to worldly desires, then we will do wrong. If we have our mind set on good things and submit to God, then we will do what's right.

Now, about healing. You can heal, but you should be pissed off for a while. It's part of the healing process. There's going to be nuclear fallout for awhile from what he did, so just expect it to pop up once in awhile. Too, you need to practice radical love and forgiveness, realizing that you're not so perfect yourself.

Then, just run hard to God. Fight with God about this. Let God know how this sucks, then collapse into the arms of God. There and only there will you find true healing.


smi 4 years ago

SIR WHAT SHALL I DO? even i changed my place, now i am stayng far places from him.. i can do anything for him.. please sugest me what shall i do for him.. i can do anythng.. plz sir help me to get back my love.. plz sir help me.. give me one more chance.. plz sir sugest me


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

smi- there isn't much I can do. One thing you can do is let go, and let this work itself out. You cannot control him. There is more to life than any one person. There are other amazing people in the world. Don't center your life around one person- that is not healthy. I understand your love for him, but you must let other people into your life and not go crazy over one person.


197- 4 years ago

Love this article ; It’s going to help me out a lot with what im going throught at the moment.

Iv been with my partner for 4 years coming .. I recently found out that he was talking to someone else at the start of our relationship … just talking but in a flirty way calling her babe ‘’ everything he was calling me whilst we were together. He went to QLD a few months later with his footy boys & found out that he was trying to call her .. they didn’t end up meeting up , which is a relief but just worries me, what if they did ?

Anyways .. after all that I never knew a thing and only RECENTLY found out .. they continued talking when he came back eg. On the phone etc ! but just read that ‘’ it would have been awesome to see you and get to hang out ‘’ and other stuff that actually broke me apart.. I don’t know how long they would of talked for.. but recently few days ago found out he was talking to other girls .. not meeting up with but flirting ..

What do I do ? and how am I suppose to react to all of this ?


smi 4 years ago

ys sir i understand whatever you are telling, but for myself i cant make understand. if i think we both are different now that time only my mind start crying. so alwys i tell to my mind that ys stiil we are one but he he is busy thats wy we are not talking. Jst i left everything on god, now he will decide, bcoz he knows everything, and he knws my condition. I tried myself to control but i am unable. eventhough 8months is over.. still i love him more and more.. dnt knw anythng.. just i left myself to god, nw he wil decide next for me....


Teabag 4 years ago

Hi Michael,

I wrote to you two weeks ago and shared my story about my husband who has recently left me and my one year old son. Well, after many talks etc... he says he no longer wants to be with me and will always financially support us. He doesn't love me and doesn't see a future. I still think he is wrong and in my heart, I don't think he will ever be happy. He still blames me and is always annoyed at the slightest thing in our conversations. Well, it is his loss. I have moved on in some ways and what has helped me is that he said to me he felt sorry for me thats why he married me. I just feel my heart has been crushed and I can no longer trust my husband and feel betrayed and the wedding vows to him meant nothing. I feel so much sadness but also I feel I no longer know him and someone who I don't completely trust no more. Whatever it is, he seems so complicated and complex that I feel more distant to him... the more I find inner peace within my self and see my son this is my joy and my happiness. Do I love him? I don't love him no more but I feel sadness that it has to end this way and five years of this is probably better than knowing this 30 years down the line. Maybe he is doing this so it makes me distant myself and feelings from him. Whatever it is, it is time for me to move in and hope i will meet someone who will love and accept me for who I am and not taken for granted or be emotionally abused. He says he will be nice to me after the divorce but for now he has to be this way so I don't get the wrong idea of him being nice to me as a way of him to get back together. He never has respected or compromised with me so I will never trust him. I don't feel he is mature in his way of thinking and I feel no love for him. Sometimes, I am happy, some days I am sad, sometimes, I think back of the times we had shared the ups and downs...even though it's been five years, it has been long enough to have been hurt and talking to a brick wall has made me decide I need to be happy, I did nothing wrong and i have my precious son to live for each day. I now look back and think my husband was never my soulmate, who didn't want to spend time as a family and deliberately spent time apart. I think he planned this and somehow knew our separation and divorce was coming. I shall move on and be happy and hope to meet my soulmate one day.Thank you Michael for your advice and thanks for listening.


Brokenheart 4 years ago

Me and my bf of 7 months broke up.. Well the thing is my bf he ismoody and gets angry quick v go to uni together and past 1 month i had been helping him with his stuff.. All summer it was an intense class even though i had a break during that time while i helped him in summer school as v spend a lot of time nearly everyday and night working and helping him on his project he got moody and started calling me names. I hated it and had enough.. my friends adviced me that since its happening again and he keeps on going should break up with him as I gave him an ultimatum but he ignored it I also think that at times he does not take me serious and respect me .. He laughs it all off .. If ido the same to him he tells me I am being too serious or I am immature.. So I broke off with him but after 1 day I missed him and I told him y I broke off so that he would realise his mistake Abd chnage .. He told me he didnt want to get back Abd needed time.. And I handled the break up pretty bad.. I did give him time but after 4 days since v r in same classes v study to gather..since the break up it's been 2 weeks he always contacts me .. I feel like it's ridiculous and v had a communication break down but he Said that he debt trust me and thinks I am too immature for him .. I love him and I feel horrible for wtvrr Happend but I did all this to get his attention to take me serious.. But obviously did not work.. :( v still talk like nothing happend.. It's been 2 days I havent contacted him nor has he.. But he did incite contact ever since he decided to just be friends and he said things might chnage in future.. :( I miss him how should I go about it..? I do talk to him casually as well I can c he's not happy he's told

Me

Tht he will jst go around being an asshole and play around with girls he said he thought I was the one but.. He also told his friend who told em that .. He knows he won't find any1 like me.. He told him that his mom is shattered about this break up.. I miss him how should I get him back without sounding to needy..? Thanks for reading my post. :)


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

197- What does he say when you talk to him about it? Does he understand what he is doing to you? When you talk to him make sure you are gentle and non-judgmental, so that you don't push him away.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Teabag- I'm proud of you for keeping a positive attitude and for realizing that he is the one at fault. I hope you meet that special someone someday. While you wait, keep healing. Enjoy you son. He needs you. Please keep me posted. You can email me if you like.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Brokenheart- First, I am a little amazed that you would want to be with a guy who treats you like that and has even said that he will be an asshole in the future. Surely, you deserve much better. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. However, I think the breakdown in this happened when you tried to talk to him like he's a woman. You were handling this whole think like a woman by treating him badly and sending negative signals to get his attention. Men don't communicate that way. Men and woman are wired different. To effectively communicate with him you need to speak in clear language. Men don't understand signals. Men understand clear language. If you want him to know what you are thinking you need to spell it out clearly. If you are hurt by his words, you don't start hurting him back and expect him to understand what you mean. You have to tell him, "Your words hurt me". Try that. Let him know in simple words how he hurt you and why it hurts.


narrr 4 years ago

thank you for your reply .. my ex and i still speak every now and then but im the main one who calls him and messages him .. if i call at night 50percent chance that he will answer if he doesnt answer he normally calls back .. im trying to be me and be happy but i feel soo incomplete with out him .. do you think that i should just let hime be ? and why wudnt he doesnt he want to tell me that he is over me or that we are over for good .. it hurts soo bad being away from him coming home to an empty house .. i jus wanna be able to see which we havent seen each other for about 9 months or soo ... i miss everything about him.. i just dont know where to go from here and how to keep myself sane ... seeing other guys doesnt really help it jus makes me forget him for a moment or two ..


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

narrr- You should feel incomplete without him. If he has no desire to reconcile, then you can move on in time. It will take time to heal. Broken relationships should hurt, because relationships are so important to God. That why He made us. So, don't despair. Give healing time. As far as contacting him, ask him why he continues to be in contact with you if he doesn't want to be with you. Let him know that it's messing with your emotions.


Shohane 4 years ago

Excellent article, Michael!

I have a question: Is talking things out always the way to go? Are there times when ignoring and letting the problem resolve itself is better? When to know which way to go?


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Shohane- good question. I believe you should always talk things out. Problems don't tend to work themselves out. We just get angrier as time goes along. The other person may begin to feel that you don't care if you just ignore the problem. When you ignore, then a root begins to grow that will cause problems in the future. Now, some minor irritations from others will happen. Those we just need to learn to let it go for the sake of the relationship.


Brittane C. 4 years ago

I have cheated multiple times and my g/f does not trust we are in a long distance and she doesn't trust me at all and I have no clue how to show her she can trust me again I know it may take time but in our relationship we argue a lot she beings up my past and in my mind i keep thinking we are moving forward but when she brings up the past its like its going backwards again I have no clue what to do..

Please pray for me


pollypocket74 4 years ago

I have a question: Is talking things out always the way to go? Are there times when ignoring and letting the problem resolve itself is better? When to know which way to go?

I would also like to comment here.. I believe in what the host says, except also.. remember if you know too much then all you do is spin your wheels around that knowledge and get angrier. Talking things out is good, but also remember that not every detail is relevant to finding acceptance again or forgiveness.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Brittane C.- Sounds like a mess. Many relationships can end up in quite a mess, but there is always hope as long as both partners are willing to work at it. First, you need to figure out if you're really committed to her. Your multiple times of cheating reveals that you have a deep rooted problem that need dealt with. When you are in a committed relationship, you need to honor that commitment by not being with anyone else. When she brings up the past, she is trying as a woman to get the relationship right. She is going to have obvious trust issues do to your actions. If it was just once that you cheated, that's one thing, but since it's multiple times, then she is going to have a difficult time forgetting the past. So, you need to probably get counseling to help you discover the root problem of why you cheat on her, then make a commitment to love her no matter how she reacts. Your love for her should not be dependent on her reactions. Love her even if she does not love you in return.


Ovocular 4 years ago

I'm in a very dark place. I lost the love of my life, which I know sounds dumb for being my age (25) and she was much older (39). We both had issues going into the relationship but we both genuinely loved and cared for each other.

We both had trust issues, insecurity issues but we somehow stuck it out for 5 years. I made huge mistakes, I had an internet porn addiction and I also talked to women online. After a horrible fight in which I became physical with her, I restrained her on the floor and screamed in her ear (it was about money) I smashed her cell phone and then she left. She came back later that night and I questioned if she had a condom in her purse that she always kept and she didnt. I figured she had slept with someone so I did the same that very night. A few days later I reconciled with her (we had sex) and then I told her about what I'd done.

Throughout the relationship I as verbally and emotionally abusive to her. I was physical on that first occasion in July 2011. The second occasion on February 2012. February was awkard, I had stopped talking to women online back in November, as I realized my love for her and I wanted to change. I still had some issues yelling at her but I was getting more control over it.

Then in February she came after me three nights in a row with trying to push my buttons. I finally snapped the third night and I grabbed her cell phone, she grabbed me, we tussled onto the bed for a minute and I realized how bad I was behaving and stopped. She ran to the window and screamed HELP HELP ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE. I just begged her to stop and then she tried to crawl out the window, I pulled her back in, handed her back her phone and gave her my house keys. She threatened to call the police so I called them myself. No arrests were made or charges filed. The next day she filed for a restraining order.

I know despite all the horrible above I do truly love this woman. In my heart of hearts I know this relationship could possibly NEVER be mended in any healthy way. I pray everyday for a different response from God but I keep getting the same - I'm supposed to be with her? I keep saying to myself this isn't true. I did a great deal of good for her while we were together but I didn't know how to control myself when things became heated or how to resolve conflicts peacefully.

I feel horrible and remorseful. I've apologized to her in the best way I knew how although she does place all the blame of the relationship on me I'm trying to give her as much space as she needs. Despite the restraining order we've remained in some contact although it's become less and less as the months go by.

I've asked her if she doesn't love me anymore and would just let me go. She wouldn't give me a concrete response. I'm in therapy and working hard on my issues. It's a terrible thing to love someone this much and know how badly you've hurt them. I'm even sinking into a depression so great I risk losing my job, failing school.

When we are in contact she says strange things to me at times. I never know what to make of it. She complains people see her as fat, that she is broken and is trying to survive each day and that she is facing a financial crunch.

I don't know what to do at this point. I love her but I'm positive she would never want me back no matter how much I change (which I change for myself so this never happens again) yet I can't seem to let her go.


broken and in tears 4 years ago

Hi mike I need your help nd d@ o the lord,my gf of almost 3 1/2 yrs nd I hve hit a big prob cause I told her I like her sister nd now she pulling away from me,I just want 2mend things with her cause its her I want to be with,I didn't intend for any o this to happen but it just did,please help


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Ovocular- This one is difficult for me to respond to, because I daily help women caught in domestic violence. I am usually helping them to escape and heal from it. So, to talk to the man is different for me. It sounds like you are taking the right steps. You do need to learn the control your anger and learn patience. Read in the Bible I Corinthians 13. It is a passage about what real love looks like. Let it get soaked into the fiber of your being. As you make changes and see yourself becoming a new person, have a third party communicate the changes they see in you to her. A third party is necessary since you need to honor the restraining order.

Learn to love and ask nothing in return. Then, you will be ready to really love her. Love is patient. So, though you want her back in a bad way, because you love her you will gladly wait for the right time. I have seen domestic violent situation get resolved, and now the people have a great relationship, but it took time as the abuser learned new ways of being.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

broken and in tears- First, you need to figure out who you want to be with. Why did you tell her this? Do you really like her sister more than her? It wasn't wise to say that to her, and I think you probably learned an important lesson, but since you aren't married, then you have no obligation to one or the other right now. So, you need to figure out who you really want to be with and be committed to that person. As far as your current girlfriend, realize that as a woman she needs security. She needs to know that she's the only one. When she knows that then her whole life is good. You need to express to her how genuinely sorry you are and that you are sorry for destroying her security, and for destroying her spirit. Having someone say what you did will take time to get over. It was a huge blow.


mariah 4 years ago

hi ive been in a relationship for 7 years when i was in high school which was two yers ago but were both of the same sex and we were the best of friends when were in middle school once we got in highschool it got more deeper it ws rocky relationship i cheated on her but she never cheated on me once we graduted from high school the next yer she broke with she had a guy she ws messing round with and got pregant by him but he recently was killed now she hs to take cre of the child on her own i still love her very much and still willing to mke it work but she jus so done with me she cant stand we tried being friends again but its so hard cuz i dont be knowing what to say cuz i still have feelings and i kno she still is sad from her babyfather being killed so she always talking about him and that hurts even more and i dont know what to do i havent been able to move on yet cuz of this she was all i knew and now shes gone i feel so lost and lonely but she just doesnt want me back what do i do


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

mariah- it is hard to lose someone you love. But there are times where you have to let it go and move on. Now, I'm not trying to be harsh, just realistic. It sounds to me that she has changed her sexual orientation. That needs to be respected. Too, if she just doesn't want to be with you at all, even as a friend, that needs to be respected. But what about you? How do you move on? The first thing is to realize that life is huge. There's more to life than one person. Look at all the amazing people in your life. Be thankful for them. They are a gift to you. Too, look at all the other broken people around you. When we are going through times like this it's easy to get self-focused and think only of our own problems. But there are people with much worse problems, people who are lonely, bound to a wheelchair, blind, dying of a disease and many other things. I encourage you to heal by getting involved as a volunteer helping those who can't help themselves. You will find great reward in that and will gain a new perspective on your own life.


mariah 4 years ago

that makes so much since instead of puttin my focus on things that really dont matter and focus on things that matter my mindset will be different and i wont be so lonely and desperate to love some one


abhijo11 4 years ago

I liked ur article a lot sir. M facing a similar situation.My best friend isnt talkin with me since 2 months now. M frustrated.

we r best friends since 3yrs now. in feb suddenly she stopped talkin.we just had a small fight as in regular nothing serious. wen i asked she said she doesnt want to talk anything fr now.she doesnt respond to me. i said ok take ur time. but its been 2 months now she still doesnt want to talk.and its only with me. I even sent her an amazing greeting on her bday wich i made but she didnt respond to that..shes enjoying college n stuff with other friends frm our grp.N m left out frm the grp and the fun.i kno i havent done any wrong with her. our mutual friends too tried to talk but she didnt tel them anything. I atleast deserve a reason fr her such behaviour. it hasnt happend b4. i dont kno how to handle the situation now.she a very dear friend.

i dont want to ruin this amazing friendship with her.i share my whole life with her and she too has..she a very close friend.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

abhijo11- First, keep in mind that she is the one ruining the relationship, not you. There isn't much you can do. What you can do is let go and have peace within yourself. No one can steal your joy, unless you allow them to. So, hang on to joy, and enjoy the other amazing people in your life. She obviously has a problem, and until she let's you back into her life, there's nothing you can do. So, enjoy the journey of today.


vince 4 years ago

sho! Im engaged to a wonderful woman of God who truly loves the Lord. Ive been engaged to her for more then three months now. we have been experiencing a lot of challenges, financialy, emotionaly and spiritualy. our relationship has not been the same for the past couple of months. i have been down here and there, and also trying to do what is best for the relationship. I heve been working very hard the past day's in order to see this relationship being restored to its glorious state. she has been feeling as though she has been the only one fighting for this relationship, and that she is sick and tired of the whole thing and does not know what to do any more. im always hurt of the statement she makes at times, its like she has given up on us. even though I ask her if she still sees a future she tells me that she does not know. this seems like she has given up hope on us. ive also been trying my at most best to please her, but sometimes it seems like we do not see eye to eye. we love each other very much. i have prayed dearly everything is a mess. I really want to do what is good for this relationship. we have both sacrificed for this relationship.it seems like im messed up 2 myself inside. i wish i could fully express myself in this article....


sharelle 4 years ago

I recently had an argument with my best friend. She was angry at me because I spend too much time with my boyfriend who I have been seeing for 8 months now. The trouble is she is always working and then pops up out of nowhere after days or even weeks of silence and expects me to go out with her the next day and when I tell her I've already got plans and try to negotiate another time she gets angry at me and says I never have time for her and uses guilt trips against me like saying "I was always there for you when I had a boyfriend" forgetting all the times she upset me because I never complained. Anyway, shes no longer talking to me and hasn't made the effort after I gave her a few home truths telling her I loved her but she needed to take a step back and take some of the blame herself. But she never does and its alwayS my fault and none of it her own. I can step back and accept I might have done this different and am willing to try but she doesn't seem to care. Its alwayS me who apologises first even if I did nothing wrong or she started it and always me who tries to fix things. Even when we make up she won't say "I'm sorry too" and its still my fault. I'm still the bad guy. She can't see anything from another persons point of view. And its been two weeks now and I'm waiting to see if she'll make the first move for once but I don't think she will. Her pride and ego seem to be far more important than our friendship. Its not the first time this has happened, its alwayS when I won't do what she wants when she wants. And she always twists it so I'm to blame and I do blame myself even if its not my falt I blame myself for everything and tell myself I'm a horrible person and even hate myself and as soon as I give in and apologise she makes it all seem stupid. And then I feel stupid. I don't know what to do. I think I might be better off without her, that shes manipulative and controlling and I'm better off without her. But feel bad for even thinking that of her. Am I better off without her? Should I just bite the bullet even though I'm only partly to blame and she won't take her part?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Vince- I think you should email me so we can talk about this more. You can find how to contact me in my profile under my picture.

In the short, YOu both should read the book, "Love and Respect" by Dr Emerson Eggerichs. I think it will go a long way to help you.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

sharelle- Unfortunately, not all relationships can be reconciled. It takes both parties to make it work. I have been with people like your friend, and it just doesn't work. She has no clue how a relationship works. So, You would be better off to walk away while you still have your sanity. You will find a friend who can give back equally. Equal giving is what makes for a real friendship.


Sportfan 4 years ago

Good day Michael. Thank you for helping so many of us through our troubles.

My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship of 8 years now. We have grown through the years that we have been together and I have made mistakes during this time. I am at a point where i'm ready to commit and work toward a relation that can last forever. The mistakes of my past has, as expected, come back to haunt me. I have admitted my wrongs and we have begun to heal through my committment to being a better boyfriend and a better person. I'm afraid that there is one more wrong that I'm guilty of. I do not see it as a major hurdle that could break us up completely, but I'm afraid that admitting this to her now would destroy all that we've worked for during this time of healing. I want to tell her and have no secrets, i'm just not sure how, and if this is the right time to do it?

Thank you. God bless


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Sportfan- I'm not sure what this one mistake your talking about is, but if you don't want secrets than I suggest that now is the right time, because waiting will cause her to wonder why you didn't tell her before. How do to is another question. You should be gentle, loving ,and humble. Show a truly broken heart and prove that you can be the man you know you should be.

As a side note, you both need to realize that you both will make mistakes. If mistakes cause the relationship to break up then you have no clue how to have a relationship. Good relationships are made up of two broken people. So, there will be problems. It's how you work through the problems that makes the difference. So, be open and honest, humble and truly sorry when you talk to her about this mistake. You don't want a life commitment without it.


anna ezell 4 years ago

dear michael, i wrote to you probably a week ago. i dont know if you got it or not. but idid have a problem that i thought you had advise on. i had a on and off again relationship for 11 months. we got into a fight shortly before our anniversary and we didnt talk for 3 months. i wrote him one day and he actually replied nicely. so i just wanted to know is our friendship mending? plz reply. thank you.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

anna ezell- Only time will tell if it is mending. It's good that he responded. To mend the relationship will take time as you learn to trust each other and move on from the past. You will need to forgive each other, learn from your mistakes and move on stronger than before.


JustL 4 years ago

Dear Michael, thank you for your article. My boyfriend and I have just started the process of mending our relationship. Both our partners passed on, and both of us have a son, his son is turning 17 and mind 7. We both are working to mend the relationship. Your advice will help me tremendously. Pls pray for the children to be able to accept each & his son to accept our relationship. We are both christians & know that the relationship has lasted because of the fact we love each other.


AshJay 4 years ago

I am praying that this article can help my wonderful fiance and I fix our problems. We are supposed to get married in a little over 5 months, but we have talked about calling it off as our relationship is falling apart. I cheated on him awhile back, it was with someone very close to him. I had drank too much and overall it was a horrible mistake that I don't even remember. I am embarassed to even write these words. I did what I thought was the right thing, and told him the day after it happened. He says he has forgiven me but it still eats at his brain...I have tried to move pass it but it keeps getting dragged up. The trust is now gone and I have been working hard to earn it back ever since. There are several other problems, many of which were mentioned in this article. I am trying to get us close to God again, as I feel our relationship has fallen since we have stopped relying on Him to lead it. I am so scared that I'm going to lose the love of my life. All I can do is pray and hope that God will tell me the proper actions to take to save this love.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

JustL- I will pray. Keep me posted.

AshJay- We all make mistakes that we regret and have to pay a price for. Make sure that you let God mend this relationship. If you try to take control you will only drive him away. So, just love and respect him like no one else does and leave the rest to God.


Claire 4 years ago

Michael, thank you for this fantastic article. Me and my man have been together for 4 years. We talk about marriage and children all the time and I've recently moved to another country to be with him. The move was tough on us both (I miss my family, friends and home comforts. I do not speak the local language). He works hard to support us both and obviously I'm extremely grateful to him. However, he's started to be very distant with me. He comes home late, he snaps about translating things, gets frustrated easily and never has anytime for me. I think he preferred his life here alone before I came although he promises he wants me here. He says he loves me but It no longer seems to be enough to keep us together. I gave up everything to be here with him and I don't give up very easily. How many times can you try to make things work before you give up? I fear that he is seeing another woman and then I kick myself for even thinking it in the first place. I need guidence, something to show me the right way through this as I'm completely at my wits end.... I feel so unwanted and so unloved. When i try to discuss Things that frustrate me he acts like it doesn't matter and takes no responsibility for anything at all. I'm so sick of feeling so hurt all the time....


AshJay 4 years ago

Thank you.


Jenna 4 years ago

Hello! Thank you for a great article. It really helps me a lot.

Please help me, I need an advice. How can I reconcile with my ex-boyfriend if he still loves me? I want him to be my friend but he wants more than that. He is still hoping that we will restore our broken relationship again. Thank you. May God bless you.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Claire- I think you two need to sit down and talk and get everything out in the open. Set rules that only the truth is valid and accepted. Ask him clearly if he wants you or not. Set ground rules that if he wants you then he needs to show you love. Tell him detailed and clearly what love looks like to you so that he doesn't have to guess. If he isn't willing to change, then you should go, because if you get married it will only get worse. If he is willing to change, then be patient with him as change can happen slowly. Best to you.

Jenna- You two must agree on either a romantic relationship or just a friendship. If you can't come to terms of agreement on that, then you will only have tension between you. You can only reconcile if you both agree on what the relationship should be.


emmanuel mbewe 4 years ago

am grad that i have chance on this site.please help me,i need an advance and what to do because i broke up with my girl friend some 2 and half years ago.i was cheating her.i was doing bad things behind her back.i was in another relationship and she found out and found me with the lady.i was foolish and i want her back.i regret everything,to be honest she have never disappoint me.she is a good person and am the one who wrong her.

please her me to win her back.i want to settle down with her and marry her.can i write her a letter or call her?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

emmanuel mbewe- I think if you tell her what you just told me you could possibly win her back. You are being honest and humble. Speak or write to her with humility and be honest, and let her know that you have truly learned from your mistakes. Then, it's up to her if she will come back to you. Best to you!!!


jman30 4 years ago

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 2 months now, but we started fighting since i saw a facebook comment of her saying that "i love you more" and " i miss you more" to her these words are just terms in order for her to express her feelings for her highschool friend. But I manage to make a big deal out of it and now she is saying that she is tired of all the fighting we have been through, and i also said she was a "flirt".. I already consoled here and try to make peace with her, she said we are falling apart. What should i do?? should i console her daily, or just wait for her to call me again? thanks


Dragongirl 4 years ago

The love of my life broke up with me a few days ago. We've been dating for more than four years. the reasons he said were that there are others who are far more deserving than he is and that he has a lot of problems. Last four years have been rough on him. He experienced the sudden death of his dad, brother got sick, and recently failed major subjects in his school. he blames himself for the death of his dad and puts a lot of pressure on himself because he said his relatives expect a lot from him due to his dad's death, and even sometimes thinks about killing himself. He told me that he thinks he has depression and I told him that he should get help but he doesn't want to.

We have been in a long distance relatinoship since we live in different parts of the city and our jobs are so time demanding that he hardly has time for me. We rarely see each other and seldom talk. I have complained to him that he has more time with his friends in school than he has with me. i felt neglected but tried to be understanding and patient because of what he was going through. I told him that he should make time with me even if it's just leaving me simple messages. I have told this reasons to him and it gets better for a while then it will happen again. I told him to open up to me when he has problems or when he feels like it but he became emotionally distant as well and preferred to be with his friends drinking and smoking the night away.

I asked him what he wanted and he said that he wants to continue what we have in our relationship but said that things would just repeat itself and we would just have fights all over again.

All of our friends know that we broke up but he still hasn't told his family. I told him that I dont want to be just a label because we really had something. He said I was his bestfriend. We ended on good terms and we still talk. I asked if there was a chance that we could still be together in the future and he said, "maybe."

But I guess he's saying, "maybe" so I wouldn't expect. Because he said if I expect, I might get hurt. In addition to the "maybe" that he said, when I asked if there was a chance that we would be together in the future, he also said, "maybe. when I'm stable," which probably meant that when his internal problems have been resolved. He also said that because he says that it's unfair for me to be doing my role and giving efforts to be a gf while he isn't able to do he's part. He says that he doesn't feel like a man for how he's treating me. I guess his pride got lost too. It pains me to see him self-destruct.

he's the type of person who usually keeps problems to himself. Also, in the span of time that we've been together, I've seen him cry only about 4x-5x. And when he broke up with me, he cried. It's a matter of pride and his ego I think. And his mother always told me that he was just like his father. His mother said that it really is not in his nature to share his deepest thoughts and feelings. He makes sure that he is in control of his emotions. I also can't blame him for acting the way he does because he's going through a lot. All his life he has been sheltered by his parents and never really had big life changing problems. This is the reason why I think he doesn't know how to handle what he is going through.

I know I should move on but thinking about what we had makes me hopeful that someday, he'll regain himself back once all of this is done. I know it's selfish of me, but I think I'm best person he should be with.

I still love him very much and I am hoping that we still end up together. Do you think things will get better for us? I have stepped back so he could have space. I don't text him or message him first. I just let him initiate contact when he wants to.

Most people I know told me to move on and take care of myself (and that is what I have been doing for the past 5 days). One friend of mine told me that when she was sad, she shut everyone out until she fell out of love for her ex. I'm scared to know if my ex also fell out of love for me or if he really just has a lot on his plate. Please help and pray for me.

Now I am thinking if I did the right decision in accepting his wishes. I am thinking that maybe I should've fought for our relationship and asked him to stay and tell him that we're in this together no matter now hard times may be for us. I am regretting my decision for not fighting for him, for us, and for what we had.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

jman30- First, she needs to stop flirting if she is committed to you. But if you both have resolved that issue, then you need to let it go. One thing you will learn is that relationships have a lot of pot holes through the years. So, you won't be free of problems. It's how you handle the problems that matters. There are times to confront. When confronted you both should respond with humility. If forgiveness is needed, then forgive lavishly.

You should call her and let her know that you are ready to move on and put this in the past. I heard a saying recently- "Many would rather be right, than be in relationship"


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

dragongirl- Though we talked in an email, I want to write my response here for others to see so they can learn. I don't know where you live, but where I live in the USA people see relationships as disposable. Careers are disposable, but people are not. So, I think it is great what you are doing trying not to move on, though your friends told you that you should move on. Sometimes you have to move on due to the other person's unwillingness to change or work on the relationship. But, if there is still hope, you should work on it. Based on what you told me, I don't think you are at the point yet of moving on.


jman30 4 years ago

Thank you so much Michael for the advice, My girlfriend just called me and she wanted to get back again :)), I just need to be more understanding because she is very sensitive and try to change for the better.. Thank you again


Nessie 4 years ago

Hi.... Me and my bf have known each other for years.. we just started dating just a few months ago.. it was amazing. we talked all the time and we always hung out and never seemed to get annoyed with each other.. but i have joined a sport and it keeps me busy everyday of the week and we can only have weekends together.. and he thinks that i am putting my sport ahead of him.. I have just figured this out and it is too late to quit my sport... I love him so much and i do not want to loose him.. he says that i hurt him because of this sport.. its a sport that i have played for years and i do love it.. but not as much as him and i would quit for him but its too late in the season to quit.. he is telling that i have to fix this problem since it is just my fault and I should have done something sooner... I do think that it is my fault.. I want this relationship to last... he is my best friend and i am trying to fix this.. but everything i suggest he comes back with a counter on how it wont work... im trying to show him my love for him.. but it seems every time i do it just gets blown up in my face.. please help me... i want to figure this out...


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Nessie- If it's too late to quit this sport due to being late in the season, then I suggest you two make a temporary agreement in order to keep the relationship going until the season is over. At that point you should then take time to do some serious thinking about what matters in life. Take time to yourself to really think it through, then ask him what it will take to get the relationship back on track. Too, he needs to realize that relationships take compromise, and if this is to work he's going to have to meet you half way. I've had people in my life who, every time I made a suggestions, would counter by saying it wouldn't work. Those relationships o longer exist because they had to have things centered around them. So, he needs to listen to you just like you need to listen to him.


Nessie 4 years ago

Thank you Michael. I will talk to him and figure this situation out. Thank you so much for your help!


Tyler 4 years ago

My wife and I were having problems for some time, and 4 months ago, i asked her to leave the house. we are now in the process of working things out, working with a counselor from church. She tells me that the only way that we can move back in together as husband and wife is if I guarantee our wedding vows. i am following god's plan on a daily basis, and she knows that. However, even our counselor says that there is no guarantees in a relationship and that things need to be worked on on a daily basis. I am not bringing up any of her past transgressions, rather I am trying to live for today. I don't think I can honestly 'guarantee" the vows, although I do want us to be together. There was no infidelity involved, just several disagreements that escalated. Am I wrong for not being able to guarantee the vows, although i want them to work?


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Tyler- If she means that she wants you to live the vows perfectly, then it won't happen. Yes, I agree that we should live in the journey of today. We can't make guarantees for the future. Also, as sinful humans we make mistakes all the time. In Romans 7 the Apostle Paul states that every time that he wants to do good that sin is right there with him. Relationships are a daily journey that must be lived moment to moment. We all fail, including your wife. Even the most devout lovers of God fail. Abraham failed. David failed. Paul failed. What we must do is forgive one another and keep going.


Paul 4 years ago

I am torn right now because I have put up with a lot of junk with my wife over the years. She has ripped into me for so long. We talked and I can see a change in her now. I told her I just didn't think things would work though. I can't get over the past even though she has changed and even apologized. I was so relieved she finally saw what she did to me all these years. It was about time!!! Now I just feel like making her pay and give her a taste of her own medicine. We have great sex, but I can't emotionally get into her. I have a friend who is a woman. She is a great friend. I can talk to her about anything and we have a lot of fun together. I talk to her or see her everyday. I feel at total ease with her. She makes me feel special and needed. I have never had a sexual relationship with her, so don't get me wrong there. My wife really wants me to stay with her, but is it possible to get over the wrong that has been done? Is it possible to forget the past and not want to just hurt her all the time? I'm tired and just wondering if it can really happen. I love her and care about her, but the excitement is just gone. I have been disrespected and unloved for too long.


Tyler 4 years ago

Thank you Michael. I think I might print this and either show it to her either prior to, or during our counseling session this Friday. Should we discuss this? Do you have any opinions? Thank you so much for your insight. It is greatly appreciated.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Paul- There is hope. I went through the exact same thing in my marriage. I hated marriage and couldn't stand my wife. I felt emotionally exhausted and empty. What you need to do is go against your feelings. Feelings are not a good guide in situations like this. You need to totally forgive, though you don't feel like it. You need to totally let go, though you just want to get revenge. You need to see your wife as a beautiful person who needs to be secure in your love. And you need to realize your own downfalls with her. You are not perfect either.

Email me if you need further help to get through this. As you begin to walk towards healing you will have many emotional highs along with emotional crashes. It's all part of healing from big trauma.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Tyler- I think you should discuss it during counseling so that there is a third party opinion. You should discuss it for sure.


TAWAZ 4 years ago

Thank you Michael for writting and educating people the way you are doing-may God bless you with a gift of life.

Here is my own story,l broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years.the reason was we had a misunderstanding over a text message notifying airtime transfer into her cellphone,and we always have problems pertaining her male friends so l always feel insecure.so on this day in question l ended up so emotional and l beat her up.l really recongnised that l did a very bad thing,l loved this girl its only l thought beating was a way she will understand me becoz l was emotional.we communicate frequently and l am trying my level best to reconcile with her for l love her so much-l was always faithful to her and never cheated her for she was the girl l wanted to marya and wed with.when l talk about reconcilliation she would say we always had problems so she think she wasn't the rightful person for me.sometimes l will end up thinking on my own that she now has someone in her life she is loving,but l always tell her l love her so much and l miss her dearly.help me to mend my relationship for l believe God our Heavenly father doesn't give one thing to two different people-l mean one girl to two different people.God is very faithful.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

TAWAS- Physical or emotional abuse is something very difficult to get over. You will have to prove yourself over a period of time. She probably has trust issues now due to what was done. So, be patient. Work on yourself and show her that you will never do that again. When something like this happens, words me nothing. You actions and attitudes over time will speak to her. So, be gentle with your words and attitudes. No matter what she does, don't retaliate. Just be patient and very loving.


Niko 4 years ago

hi, this is great arcticle. I've been in relationship with girl for 2 years and I felt I meet my life partner. she lived in other country 1800 km away but after 4 months on talks online she came to me and we lived together for 1 year, we were so much in love! but she needed to go back to her country for further studies so were were in long distance relationship for less then year, she came to me every 2 months. and than disaster happened, we didn't seen each other for 3 months and on Eastern, just 6 days before she supposed to come, she kissed another man. am 26, she is almost 20. i work, am responsible and she was swearing in her love towards me. she replaced me so fast with some metalhead dude with no job or school. I didnt sleep for few days and i lost 7 kg by now. am starting to recover but she contacts me very often and am confused. she says she is so much in love now. she removed me from facebookb( we used facebook's chat often or skype). and she announced to everyone on facebook that she is in love. I could see that because she keeps facebook profile opened. we had such argue, I begged, I cryed, she told me to move on, to man up. it was hard but after i month I started to recover a bit. and I liked on facebook picture of other girl and next thing happened she called me and told me I was lying to her and was not honest. that dude came to her country because he was in love with her friend. but that girl had already a partner so he was sad. and my girlfriend offered him company and 2 day later she kissed him and she addmited. so they spent 5 days together and he went back to his country. worst thing is once she told me if she would break up with me, she could never be involved in long distance relationship and she is in it again. but in same time now she contacts me and asking me how i feel etc. help me please, give me advice because am confused totaly :(


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Niko- I am so sorry you are going through this. I have no idea why she would do this. Has she ever explained why she did this? In our modern world people can be so selfish and not care that they are hurting others. All they care about is themselves. The problem is that others are left to pick up the pieces of pain they are left with. I encourage you to remember the other beautiful people in your life. As a Christian, one thing I do when I am dealing with pain is to pray through the book of Psalms in the Bible. Those people who wrote the varied Psalms were hurting badly when they wrote them.


Anythingispossiable 4 years ago

I've been dating a man for 8 months he is significantly older then me im 26 and he is 45 but im mature for my age. In general we have a really good relationship, he is divorced and he has kids. I've never met his kids before because he wasn't ready. He has told me that he goes back and forth with the relationship because he doesn't know how it could work with age difference and he says that at other times he feels like we should just commit to each other. i feel he is also nervous what his family will think because of out age difference. Recently he told me he was ready for me to meet his children, he asked me on two occasions about this. I was nervous and kind of laughed it off and told him that I was nervous. A few days passed we went out to lunch and I asked him did he still want me to meet the kids and he said he didn't know he just goes back and forth with it. That really hurt me. Instead of me telling him I out a message on fb not with his name in it but just a quote. That really upset him and made him angry. I called him that night and he said that the fact that' he doesn't know what to do with this relationship and the fact that he goes back and forth tells him that we shouldn't be together and we shouldn't see each other anymore and that this wouldnt work.. He said he was scared of commitment and I couldn't understand the things he has been through. I'm truly sorry for what I posted up, I have went back and deleted everything cause that was childish and i truly realize what a lack of communication can do now, and will not go that route anymore. I really felt like we could have talked this out cause we didhave a good relationshipand got along very very well. He has agreed to have lunch with me to tlk this out. I'm so nervous and sorry for the fb message even though I feel this could be deeper then a fb message. I don't know if my reaction to meeting the kids scared him or what not but I have no intention of hurting him or his kids. They are apart of him and I want to know them and have them in my life. And as far as going back and forth with feelings I don't think that is not normal. I go back and forth with whether we should do this or not but when I'm with him there is not a doubt in my mind that this could work and we could have a long lasting relationship,he is not the only person who parents that may not understand how a relationship like this could work. I just want us to work on our issues together. I want him to help me work on my communications and I want to help him see that you can trust again and not everybody is going to break your heart or up and leave you, and as for his kids I am very serious and I'm not one to meet someone's kids and dissapear. I do not have children but i do realize that this is a serious step for a single parent to have to go though and 3 little boys dont need to see people in out of their lives. I'm not saying lets get married tommarow but I truly believe in my heart that this could work and I hope he sees this. I feel like he is scared because when we are together he tells me that I'm working my way into his heart and how much he enjoys this and feels he can be himself...I just wish he would let go and see that this could work. i truly in my heart believe this.


sasha 4 years ago

I met him 2 years ago and had 3 passionate days together, he lives in Spain and I live in Mexico? I went back to Mexico afterwards and he called me for 2 months, he disapeared for 4 months and sent me a text message for Christmas. I called him for new years and apologized for acting like yhat buth he was depressed for an accident he has on his bike. I never heard from him since the. Ints been almost a year and a half and havent heard a word. I wrote him a few messages he wont answer. He had virus on his email, so he cancelled his acount. I tried facebook but he wont accept me as his friend and blocked me so I couldnt see bhis new email. A friedn checked his account and sawhis new e mail address. He gave it to meand wrote him a nice messagd tsdlling him I wanted to hear fron him again and that I cared about him, that I felt sad thzt he wouldnt talk to me. I also told him he could call meor write back if he wanted to. Still, nothing! Its been almost 2 months since then and he still wouldnt talk to me or anything? Why? What should I do? I miss him!


LeftBehind 4 years ago

Hi Michael, love all the stories and feedback you give.

Mine is like some of the others. I'm in the middle of a messy divorce. His idea. I was crushed. The grace of God has helped me survive. It's one of the worst things I have ever experienced. He said there was no future for us after 18 years of marriage and 3 children. Long story short, after all that pain, he wants to maybe try and work it out! At one point it was all I wanted was for him to come home. Now I'm confused and not sure what I want. I know that i can't go through this again. Just don't know what to do? I've put it in God's hands for only he can tell the future.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Anythingispossible- I can understand his being nervous. When you have lived life that long it can seem a little awkward to be with someone your age. No offense, it is just part of the human condition. Too, with being divorced, he may struggle with trust. It will be hard for him to give his whole heart to someone again. My suggestion is to be patient and give the relationship time to develop. Try to understand where he is coming from and love him and accept him where he is.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Sasha- I hate to say this, but there's nothing you can do at this point. I think he made his point- he doesn't want you in his life. My suggestion is to learn whatever lessons need to be learned and move on to a better life.

LeftBehind- So sorry to hear about this. If you live in the United Stated I encourage you to go to a Love and Respect Conference. You can look up their website for locations and dates. I know that you are afraid of the pain, but I think trying again is worth the risk. We miss out on so much beauty because we are afraid to risk pain or failure. Email me if you need help through your journey. Find my contact under my picture in my profile.


Anythingispossiable 4 years ago

Thank you for praying for me. I went and met with him and poured my heart out to him and he told me he couldn't go forth with the relationship. He said if its mean to be we will take a month off and then we can reevaluate the relationship. I don't know if this is good or bad? But please pray for me that I can move on..this is really hard and I don't know what to make of this.


Andrew Howe 4 years ago

thank you for the great advice, i have been trying to figure out what the best way to letting myself and my girl figure out how to get over this hump. I was the one that was wrong big time,she was wrong too, she has alot of pride up and walls rebuild, that was her way to keep from breaking


Witness 4 years ago

Hi, i have been in a relationship for 2months now, bt it seems things are changing day after day. My girlfriend used to call me almost 3times a day bt now she never calls even once even if i buy her some airtime she doesn't cal. When i send sms she doesn't reply me bt for the 1st 2wks of our relationship she use to respond bt nw things have changed. I dont knw what to do now whether i should quit or continue coz in the past week i've been caling from mrng to sunset thinking maybe it was going to affect her to change bt it seems nthng happened, nw i dn't knw what to do i'm stuck please help.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Anythingispossible- I will continue to pray. Relationships are important. That is why it is hard to deal with a broken one. What you should do as you wait is enjoy the extra time you have now with the other beautiful people in your life. Too, I encourage you to take some time and serve those less fortunate. It will put your problems in perspective.

Andrew Howe- With any problem it takes a lot of patience and forgiveness. We tend to want our relationships to be easy, but they aren't. There is no relationship that is easy. You have to work at it. So, just keep working through this and be patient with each other and show a lot of grace.

Witness- If it has only been two months I think it's time to move on. I don't see any signs here of the relationship being able to survive over the long haul if you already are having this problem. You need to talk to her to find out what is the problem, but if she won't talk then what can you do? The relationship has to go both ways to work.


Witness 4 years ago

Thank u very much for the responce. I pray that God continues to empower u to help many restore their relationships.


Sara25 4 years ago

I am happy I cam across this article.

My partner and I have only been together 3 years but in those 3 years he has taught me so much about myself and life. I was a closed and scared person when I first meet him but he brought so my faith and spirituality to my life and opened me up which I am so grateful for that. Long story short we fight like crazy for the past year or so and he is moving out in 2 weeks. I am so heart broken I dont want this to fail. All that we have put into this relationship.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Sara25- It sounds like you had an amazing relationship. I wonder, what is the source of your fights? What's causing you two to fight so much?


Laura 4 years ago

Hi, I came across your article while looking for advice on my situation. It's kind of lengthy but here it goes:

Almost 3 years ago I met the most amazing man. He approached me out front of my workplace at the time and we began an amazing relationship. Things started so great. We fell for each other quickly. I was his first love. We loved each others families and they became close. In the last year we moved in together and bought a dog. We had been having some rough patches. It was more my fault. I have come to see I was not happy with myself. Did not love myself. He became my therapist, my cheerleader, my punching bag, my babysitter. You name it. He was constantly trying to lift me up and I expected him to love me while I see now, I really did not love myself. He was always there for me. Constantly showed me love and affection. I at times felt smothered and would get angry about how often he would want to hug and kiss me. Seems so silly now cause I would do anything to have that back.

After we had moved in together and bought the dog we began to argue a bit more often. About stupid things. In December he was very busy with work and I did not see him very much and found myself becoming lonely and depressed and bored. I started harmlessly flirting with other men. Nothing physical at all but it made me feel good to have positive attention and as I said I was not happy with myself. In mid December his grandmother passed away. His grandparents helped to raise him as a child and this was his first loss. His family is everything to him. I tried to stick it out but I felt like our relationship was rocky and I decided to end the relationship mid January.

He was completely devastated. He told me that he knew we were having our problems and he knew we were not working in that moment but that he loved me so much he would have never stopped trying. At this point I was cold and let him walk out of my life. I got my own place in feb and took the dog. I was fine for the first little while. When it first ended and we had to sort the details of the split he would casually answer back to my Msgs. If things got too personal or if we started talking for too long he would say he was losing his mind and that I needed to leave him alone. His grandpa is still alive at 94 years old and he loves him so much. He has so much on his plate, speakin to me he said was too much and he just wanted to focus on his grandpa. I tried speaking to him on Facebook chat at the end of march and all he said to me was "I gave you my everything and now I'm done. Nothing to talk about leave me alone. I've asked you lots nicely." I sent him a few more messages after that apologizing for leaving but have heard nothing back. I had my sister write him and all he said was that I left him when he was at his lowest and he owed me nothing and he was sorry. In the last couple weeks it has hit me so hard. He is the love of my life. I had to lose him to realize it unfortunately. I have made a HUGE mistake. One that I would give everything I owned to take back. But I can't. I wrote him a 5 page letter pouring my heart out to him and dropped it off at his mothers house with a heart felt letter to her and mothers day card and flowers. I don't know where he is living now. His sister wrote me today thanking me for the letter I gave to her and her mom and I asked her if he had read the letter I gave to him. She said yes he had. He must have read it yesterday or today. I have heard nothing. I have not tried to contact him since Thursday. Everyone including his mom have told me to give him total space. She said he is still far too angry to forgive me or go there. His sister has told me he is done. I just want him back so badly. He is my true love. I know this. I am not religious but I have been praying for peace and for him to find his way back to me. I feel I deserve a second chance. He is a very good looking, funny outgoing man. He meets a lot of girls and is only 25 years old. I don't want him to move on. I know he loved me like he's never loved anyone and I was his first. Do u think it is too late? I feel that the break was needed for me to truly know what I had lost. I know I would never leave him again. Sometimes two people need to fall apart to realize they need to fall back together. I just hope I'm not too late...


Sara25 4 years ago

Micheal thanks for responding to my situation

I don't know where to start its a big mess now.

I meet him a little over 5 years ago in Santa Barbra. We both moved to Hollywood, California around the same time and starting to catch up again, and he bought a dog I fall in love with. Shortly after he moved to Hollywood he was in a horrible car accident and his mom had heart surgery, Year and a half later he did have to go to jail for this accident but was released in 3 months. When he was released from jail he moved in with me. We started finding a place together. That's when the fighting began...

I was never happy I was always upset and angry he was always there trying so hard to please me, hold me, tell me he loved me and tell me sorry even though I had no reason to be upset with him. He would tell me look what happen to me don't stress or worry. He was constantly trying to lift me up when he had more to worry about. He went out of his way and bought me TM to help me cope with my stress and anxiety. Its like Laura situation almost, I didn't love myself or wasn't happy with myself, now my soon to be ex did the same things to try to make me happy. I do have to admit I was nosy with him and invaded his privacy and would dig for dirt and would get very upset over the silliest things. Iv worked on trying to work on myself since the New Year and its hard, I don't want to be this mean bitter B word any longer to this sweet loving and caring man. I just didn't see this happening and he is actually leaving me at the end of the month, I am trying every thing I can to have him stay. Iv have tried peace offerings, Iv asked him out on a nice dinner and he declined and says no. He is tried of all this fighting, and yelling and he has been depressed for the past year. Iv told him he will see a new person because i want this for myself too. I want him back and dont want him to move out in 2 weeks.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Laura- Since he is not married, then it is not too late. However, he needs to work through things. Giving him space lets him know that you respect him. You should from time to time just send small reminders that you care about him and haven't given up. While you wait work on your own issues that led up to this break up. Let him know that you are working on yourself and that you want to be the best. But, do give him space. Right now you are feeling desperate. Don't let that dictate your actions. Use wisdom of when to contact him. When you are young you can tend to let your emotions make your decisions, instead of using your head. So, give him space, but send small reminders that you still care.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Sara- it sounds like you two are stuck in the crazy cycle of fighting and fighting some more. I suggest you both read the book "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. I get nothing from suggesting this book. I have read it and found it to be one of the best relationship books out there. It is written from a Christian viewpoint, but it is sooo good and so true. Feel free to email me if you need further help.


Mumbi 4 years ago

Hi...I stumbled on your website while googling about relationships. I am a born again christian and i was going out with a gentleman whom i considered to be awesome but he is not a christian(though he has a christian name). Recently, he asked me to marry him and i said "no" though my body language and heart shouts "yes"...He is mad at me coz I led him on but its because I like him very much. We've now broke up and he does not speak to me and i feel very depressed. I am aware that God has said severally that we should not date heathens...but i miss him.


Niko 4 years ago

hey, Michael, i have written to you 11 days ago. well she explained me why she did it. it's because she couldn't handle anymore long distance realtionship. thing is, well biggest reason is that i broke up with her exactly year ago but we made up again and it was such beautiful time after. thing is, what she told me is that she couldnt love me anymore 100% because I broke up with her. again, most important I haven't broke up with her because of other girl or whatever but because conditions weren't good for some time and I felt unhappy. I can tell you aswell I pray every day for her and my emotional peace. she contacted me recently and by now almost every day. She is again in long distance relationship but she told me already few times she misses me and she feels very weird in this situation. we talked again on skype few times. She is with this guy but he is a bum. And she told me she will go to him only if she can sleep there for summer. that guy can't make his decision in his life without dad and everything depends on his dad. but on other side I feel like she cares about me and she even admits it on certain ways. I am very very confused, I really don't want to be "back up boyfriend" if her plans don't succed in next month or 2. aswell one thing, i really backed up in entire situation, maybe that's way she approached me and trying to talk often. and I even ask her how is she and her new love partner doing. she is talking she ain't that in love but wants to have only good time. i crossed her from my life plans because what she done to me, and i felt good until she started to contact me very often. I'm trying to stay cool, but my feelings are there and I can't deny it. I wish to get rid of it. do you have any advice? many thanks..


Lou 4 years ago

please pray for us her name Gabrielle!


Broken 4 years ago

The greatest pain I have ever felt is the pain I am feeling now, and I've had my share of heartache. This is because through the breakup of my girlfriend and me, I lose the friendship of her son. He is 9 and I have been around for almost half his life.

We lived together for 2 years and his mom and I were at each others throats almost every day. I'm not going to say I am perfect but I believe she has a psychological problem that she refuses to address.

I believe in God. I have read the bible cover to cover twice. But I don't know why my life has come to this. So much heartbreak. I can't bear to think of never seein my little buddy again but his mom out of anger threatened that she will tell his dad that I molested him in order to get him to physically hurt me.

I was forced to get a restraining order against her even though she lives with me with her son. Now she has gotten one against me and claimed I hit her which is a lie. now we both are not allowed in my own house until the hearing.

My pain is so much that I don't think I can even make it to the court date. Many times in the day I feel like I will not be able to go on. What is the point? To continue more heartbreak? I can't possible live in my house alone when every memory there is with him and his mom. Every picture and video on my computer is of them. He was my little muse. I fell out of live with her because I the way he treated me. But her son always brought a smile to my face. I don't feel like I can go on like this anymore :( I feel like I invested so much of my soul into them that I will never recover :(


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Mumbi- We should never put ourselves in situations that we know do not have a good ending. If you knew that you could never marry him, then why did you begin the relationship? I know that you like him, but it appears you were only thinking of the here and now and not thinking at all of the future devastation. Hopefully you have learned now that you need to look to the future result of your choices and not just think in the here and now. I guess I could encourage to find joy in that you didn't end up married to him and then really live with guilt the rest of your life. People are valuable and we should never mess with them like this.


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Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Niko- I understand how human emotions can play with us. But, it sounds to me like she is playing you. She is keeping you on a string. You don't want to live your life like that. You deserve better. I think at this point I would walk away and try to find someone that respects me. I'm not sure that she understands respect or how to have a healthy relationship. It would be hard right now to walk away, but I think you will be happier in the long run. As long as you stay in contact with her, you will keep bringing up the old feelings which will keep messing with your ability to make a wise decision.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Niko- will do

Broken- If you've read the Bible then I encourage to actually study it and let it sink in. Two places I want you to study repeatedly until it becomes part of you is Proverbs 3:5-6 (in the latest update of the New International Version), and Job 42:2-3, which is Job's response to God after he went through hell on earth. Let me know what you think.


Broken 4 years ago

I've read the verses and have always believed them. I am not perfect. Perhaps it's my personality. Im a quiet person normally, shy, so apologizing is hard for me not because I think I dont have to apologize but I find it awkward. All my prayers keep telling me to try again and to do it right this time and get counseling but I have listened to too many people, parents, friends, co-workers. All have said to throw her out of my house and the kid isn't worth it. No one knows the friendship we have. And it's all gone. I feel like I did the wrong thing in filing the restraining order now. I hurt myself and everyone around me. I hurt her and her son, her family, my family. I don't see this ever being worked out. Now I'm being advised to get an attorney to make sure she is out of the house soon and for good. My hands are tied. She threatened to lie and say I molested him. It's her way of destroying everything. Life is always a heartache for me. 4 years down the drain and a beautiful friendship lost. And the 3 years before I met her was another heartache. Maybe I should just be alone forever. I'm beginning to think I am of no use on this planet.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Broken- I can truly empathize with you. I have had those same feelings and thoughts many times. The fact is that what you are feeling right now is not reality. You really do have a beautiful purpose. You just can't see it right now. I think one important lesson for you to learn from this (I'm thinking about the restraining order) is that you should really think things through before acting. A wise person thinks before they act. They think about all the possible consequences of their actions. If you learn and grow from this, then these problems aren't wasted. If you want, you can email me for further help.


Janice.Funa 4 years ago

I started my relationship with my bf in a special situation,sooner we confess our feelings to each other and try to giving the chances to each other in the time.He is a nice and caring person,differently I am a person who have a hot temper even for a small things.But during the time with him,he patiently teach me and be close with my god.Actually we have different religion causing a wall between us.And he is 26 and I am only 20.Because of his ages and his religion,he have to face for the future and a stable marriage within question by his tradition family,I never blame he for this cause before we start the relationship I knew this will happen just for the sooner or later although I know I not under of his wife list choices.The only things I mad on is he cannot even try his best for me,and our broke up because I break his pride to wasting the movie ticket that I not able to attend.

Dear MIcheal Davis,

Would you give me some advice for this?i asking and wishes and hoping our lord Jesus and listen to my prayed.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Janice.Funa-My suggestion is to apologize to him about the movie. As a man he was showing his love for you by buying the movie ticket. Many men show love by buying things for the one they love. By skipping the movie you showed disrespect to him. Since he feels no respect then he probably thinks, "what's the use?" So, begin by asking his forgiveness for that, then ask if you can have another chance.


Janice.Funa 4 years ago

Dear Micheal,thanks so much for replying.i so happy when I can talk to some1 and have advice.is not easy to talk with my friend beside me cause they not understand my situation.

As you say,he is showing his love to me but my rejection become disrespect.After the incident happen,I do sincerely apologise to him try to make him understand how regret am I,but for him,he assume that we are not match as for our character,but without trying in this relationship,should I directly give up or try my best for the relationship?

Seriously,I clueless how to repairing it,he do forgive me but ya,he think we are not match...I don know y he think so but at least he should give me a chance right?

P/s:thank for listening and attention for my problem ,Michael.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Janice.Funa- I think you did a great job in apologizing. As far as what should you do now- there isn't much you can do since you can't control him. If he allows you to talk, just be a true friend, but don't push the issue of a romantic relationship. I don't know if you are a good match since I don't personally know you two. Just be a friend and be there for him, if he is okay with it. If not, then you should be thankful for the other people in your life and wait patiently for someone else.


LOUISE 4 years ago

My husband of 7 years broke up with me on our 7 year anniversary. We have 2 kids and spent the day trying to figure our what to do about living arrangements and custody. We are best friends and would remain so even after a break.

After he broke up with me I was devastated. I never saw it coming and was shocked. After about 5 hours he said he made a huge mistake and wanted to work things out. I think he realized that he didn't try any other alternatives to ending it relationship. He kept saying her didn't want to leave me but he thought we were bad for each other because our fighting had gotten worse.

I know our fighting has been worse the last 6 months ir soo and has even gotten to the point of verbal abuse.

Since that day we have sat down and listed what we both weed to work on. I think wr are on our way to healing. We love each other so much and are both ruling to work towards change e which is important.

He had made it clear to me that he loves me and is sorry he didn't try everything he could before went to the extreme if breaking up, but I am struggling with the notion that he almost ended what I thought was an amazing relationship. I always knew wr would be together for ever and now I only hope. He worries that this moment will change me , and I know it has. I want to forgive him, but am struggling. How could this person I have dedicated my life to almost abandon me.


fitzp 4 years ago

Hi. I really need help with how to deal with and handle a situation...It may seem strange, but well over a year ago, I started having dreams about me getting married. I have never had a dream of me being in a wedding or being the bride. Then, I started having these dreams more frequently, but I never could see the groom. So the dreams stopped happening...but as soon as the dreams stopped, this woman who did not know me and I didn't know her came to me and told me that she sees me getting married and having a beautiful marriage...saying that this person is someone after GOD's own heart and sincere about their pursuit of GOD. I really believe she is a woman of GOD, because she had such an anointed & peaceful presence about herself. Well, exactly 7days later, a guy who did not know befriended me on FB because we both have mutual friends, but neither of us have ever met nor have known anything about each other. I always place words of inspiration on FB & I did look back throughout his history and saw that he also consistently, everyday placed biblical words of inspiration...he's been doing it almost everyday since his Facebook page has been open. I never said anything to him, neither did I like his statuses to indicate that I observed him because I told the LORD that if it were HIS will, he will allow him to be the man and step up and reach out to me. After so long, this guy did reach out to me and initiated contact with me. From that point, we would recognize and make comments on each other's status & then he asked me for my number...our 1st conversation was as if we had known each other for years. From that point, we kept contact on a regular basis. I am the type of female who tries not to crowd a guy's space, so in the beginning of our interactions, I tried to keep contact but also give him space to be the leader...Then I noticed that our contact started dwindling down. So, I humbled myself down and stepped outside of my comfort zone and reached out to him...from that point, we restarted our contact. We ended up meeting each other in person, with him living in the same city and being a football player, I met him at one of his games since it was a public place. From the very beginning, he understood my position and agreed to my position of practicing abstinence...I have been celibate thus far for 6 years. Now at one point, he and I started off with spiritual attraction, though the physical attraction was there, the physical attraction began to grow & we both knew that we did not want to go down a destructive path of blatant sin of fornication, so before things got too heated, he and I went on a fast together & everyday read scriptures about sins of flesh and fornication & ways to overcome temptation & began to pray together everyday. The fast we went on was for 7 days. I must say that everyday, we experienced the power and anointing of GOD like never before. I would be out and about and he would be somewhere & we would call or text each other at the very same time because the Spirit would just come upon us at the same time, not realizing. Long story short, I decided that we must keep up what we started during our fast together, so I started sending scriptures out to almost everyday & he loved them...However, I started reducing the scriptures I had been sending out because I started feeling self-conscious as if I was doing all the work or that he was not interested in me since it seemed as if I was the one who initiated contact whenever I sent those scriptures out. So, I reduced the frequency of contact....& our contact with each other became less consistent than usual. I reached out to him to see if everything was okay & he let me know that he started having a struggle in his flesh again which is why he had pulled away, so we prayed together, the anointing of GOD came, & things went back to normal. One day, a female befriended him on facebook. She commented on a status that he posted that was derived from the anointed prayer he and I had the night before...The anointing was still on him that morning, so a lot of people were responding to the anointing including this new female that befriended him because of the anointed status he posted. He & I were conversing on his status and she joined in on the conversation...so she started on a rampage...everyday, when I commented on his status, she would comment on his status after me. It began to make me angry...Then he told her that she was a beautiful woman & needed more people in his life like her...then he addressed me and said that we both were beautiful women & glad that we are in his life. He did not know her at all...only from the day that he first befriended her on fb. It was clear that he and I had a relationship, and she called herself a minister, but everyday she would jump into his and our conversation...so much til' I just had to stop commenting on his status and just inbox him. On the first day that he befriended her, she & I also befriended each other because I thought she seemed to be a nice young lady and was a youth minister. But after so long, it was apparent that she was trying to interfere with he and I & trying to compete with me. So, because she was a minister, I reached out to her and told her that I have no problem with him communicating with any female, but if she had intentions of taking it further than just friends, I asked her if she could respect my wishes woman-to-woman if she could just back off a little bit & respect his & I relationship if she knew that she had an interest in him. I told her that GOD has brought us together & I believed that GOD is developing a marriage out his and our relationship. (I should not have told her that but I was being too trusting, automatically thinking that because she was a youth minister and went to a certain church, I thought that she would have discretion and understand where I was coming from)..well, she went to him and told him that that I said that he was my husband and that we were getting married. She totally twisted my words, so that made him angry because he thought I was going around lying and saying things that were not true. So I went to her and told her that she had no business going back and telling him anything, especially telling him something that was a total twist of my words. I told her that she was touching GOD's anointed and that she was messing with GOD's property and a work of GOD's hands. I told her that if she was a real woman of GOD that she would back off and do no further damage and not have caused any damage. At that point I was furious with her. I know that he is a trusting guy and would befriend anyone, but I saw straight through her and knew from the beginning that she was trying to get his guard down and pursue her interest in him. I talked to him & he said that he was only interested in being her friend. I did reach out to her a final time and told her that I was sorry for being furious, but I meant what I said about giving he and I space. Later on, he comes over my house to explain to me that he and i were just friends and that after the fast, he didn't like me like "that" anymore...However, I told him that we intentionally prayed during the fast that the LORD suspend our physical attraction for each other and elevate our GODly spiritual attraction...it really hurt me to all of a sudden hear him say that we were ONLY friends when I know that we were waaayyy more because he expressed his love & attraction for me...Well, after all has been said and done, he is holding unforgiveness against me, though he says he has forgiven me...he says that I brought drama into his life and made him miss out on a friendship because of my anger and insecurities...yet he fails to realize that my anger and actions were a reaction to his action. All of this occurred at the end of November 2011. Because he is still in my heart and because I still love him after all of this foolishness, I continued to reach out to him periodically...Sometimes I would send him a scripture that was on my heart & the scripture would be exactly what he needed when he needed it...i then gave him scriptures about the kind of love God require


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Louise- We need to figure out in modern times that just because we fight does not mean we should break off the relationship. We have a false belief that if someone isn't making me happy, then I just leave. That is so selfish. We have to get outside ourselves and start caring for other people. People matter. People have feelings. I'm proud of you two for staying together and that you are working through this. Yes, your trust of him has been broken, but you can have it back again. Just be patient.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

fitzp- If God is in this, then it will work out. Sometimes God will tell us what He is going to do, then make it impossible for it to happen, so that when it does finally happen, we understand that it was Him and not us that brought it about. Then, He gets the praise. Just like in the Bible God repeatedly told His people what His plans were, then He made it impossible for it to happen, so that when it finally came about they realized it was from God and not the work of their hands. I think you heard from God, but then took everything into your own hands. Proverbs 3:5-6 teaches us to let go and trust God to work out His purposes.


tony rich project 4 years ago

WOW. You know i am really broken hearted because i was being so controlling of a 15 year old kid that was placed in my care. I didnt realize how serious my problem was until the kid was removed from my life. His mom would tell me to stop and i thought that i did but then things would fall right bback into the same situation. Now the kid has been completely banned from assocaiteing with me as a coach i feel so much guilt for the obscession i had. I wish that i could talk to him and his mom to apoloigize for my inapproparite behavior. I was to obssessive about wining all the time and brining and focsuing only on him, i could only imagine the pressure he was under.


Janice.Funa 4 years ago

Dear MIcheal,thanks for your advice so much.

As I do,I never giving up on him,maybe is too early for me to say that I really love and can't live without him but I do sincere with the love between us..I try so badly so that he can see my opportunity that I trying to repair back out relationship.But seem like for him,I can't get for the second chances..After for the several thinking,I think I should have a break,if I not deserve for the second chance then I think inside his heart I doesn't worth for him to love too,so I decide let things pass ,listen and be a things for time.

But you know I still thinking and miss him so much but I control myself not to find him,is hurt and pain.i just really wish much we will have the miracle..I love him.


HisWife 4 years ago

My husband of 10 years had an affair with his secretary who is 15 years younger than me. She is prettier and sexier - yes, well I have had two kids and I'm the one who put him through law school. Discovering their correspondence via email, text and voice mail I am devastated and heartbroken. It was very sexual and he was very blatant with his disrespect of me during the affair. So I threw him out and at that time he indicated that he'd chosen her - his happiness - over our marriage, our home, and very young children.

Well since then the relationship has fizzled (surprise! you mean a 23 year old floozy would want 1) have him half time (sorry sweetie, its called joint custody!) or 2) have a broke boyfriend (yup, I kept the house and take more than half of his paycheck! its called child support dummy!)?

So now he says he wants to try. I pray daily to forgive him (and her) but I cant seem to move on. I can't get over the horrible words they wrote about me, the passionate way they talked about each other and their sex life, and the plans they had been making in this fantasy life they were building. I am a professional woman, pretty well respected in my career space, but this has crushed me. For the last 6 months I am stuck and I can't move on. I lost 25 pounds and I feel so ugly, so old, and so stupid. I do love him. I love my family very much. I feel stupid because I feel like if I were stronger and smarter I would hate him, get the divorce and move on. So we talk now. We're friendly but he says he's not sure about returning home (he lives with his behavior supporting and co-dependent mother) but he wants to be friendly with me. Am I a doormat? I want to live a Christian life and demonstrate forgiveness... but its so hard. I have swallowed my pride by even talking to him. I am trying to accept humility... but its very hard.

I really appreciate your article. It was very timely and easy to read and absorb. I hope you will pray for me as well. Please help me be strong to accept God's will while bending my pride to build a stronger family in light of this hurt that consumes me.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

HisWife- Wow! what a story. Forgiveness is possible, but it's not always easy or fast. Hang in there. You are becoming a better person. You just can't see it yet. God's work is slow and hidden, like the crops growing in the field. You don't see their daily growth, but at harvest time, you see the full work of God. Email me if you need daily support to get through this.


Nick 4 years ago

Hi,

I’m currently facing a huge problem in my life. My gf just broke up with me the day before saying that she had lost feelings for me and it had been already a month. When i asked her what made her liked me before, she told me that if i were to ask her that question in the past, she could answer me but right now she just cant see it anymore and that the feeling is just gone. But she said that during that time she was trying to see if she would be able to gain back the feelings and was waiting to see if God would give her any signs that she should move on or stayed together with me. She also told me that she got really tired somewhere along the relationship and just couldnt hold on anymore. When she first told me that she wanted to break up, i begged for a week to be apart so that we could spend less time going out with each other in case if us going out together every single day has been the cause of this. However, after the two days of no contact with her, she told me that she felt so happy and free during that time that i wasnt with her and that all this time she felt smothered and suffocated, like she was drowning, but now she felt so free and happy. She told me that i’m a nice guy and that she liked me the most among all her ex’s but she said that the thing is that i’m just not the guy for her. She even told me to let go of her and move on and also to open my ‘windows’ for others to come in my life because she will not wait for me. I feel that part of the reason of her not being able to hold on anymore was cause of the fact that i have been restricting her too much and have been way over protective in every sense of the way. It’s been two days now since the breakup and i cant stop thinking of the moments that we spent with each other and if she even misses me. I really want to get back to her and start anew but the thing is that she said that she doesnt want it anymore during that day when i pleaded for a second chance during the breakup. What am i supposed to do now? And how do i change myself in this aspect of being over protective and possessive? What do you think the chances are for her to ever regain back her feelings for me in my current situation? And recently my friend told me that he called her up 3 days after the breakup to check on her and she said she was ok and that she felt free. Whenever he ask her if there was even any chance at all for us to get back together, she replied no. He asked her again if there was not even a little chance at all for me and her to get back together and she replied no and that once she is done with somone, she is done for good. When he asked her of the possibilities if i were to change, she replied maybe, maybe not. My friend asked her what did she mean and if it was a 50-50 chance but she replied back saying that she's not sure if there's even a 25% chance or if she even wants to get back with me at all and that once she's done with a guy then she's done for good. What do you think i should do? I really love this girl alot with all my heart. Is there even any chance at all for reconciliation and to get back together? Most of my friends have already asked me to give up based on what she's said and given the odds.

I need help !


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Nick- It sounds like that unless there is a miracle, it is over. Right now you are in the desperate stage. You can't imagine life without her, but you will figure out in time that life goes on and that you can live without her. What you can do as you heal is to learn the lesson that no one likes to be controlled and no one can be controlled. When you try to get possessive, they will walk away. Funny thing- when you hold on, they walk away, but when you let go they get close to you. Hang in there, it will get better.


Nick 4 years ago

Michael- is there really no hope to this? like is there no chance at all for me to get back with her?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Nick- I'm not saying that there is no hope. I'm saying that it's out of your control. You can't control her. It's up to her now what she will do. You need to take this time to heal and evaluate your life. Don't pin all your future on her. Live life to the fullest and if she is meant to be then you will be with her again. If she isn't meant to be, then you will find someone amazing. Feel free to email me and I will walk with you through this daily.


stayhappy 4 years ago

hi michael.. it's me stayhappy. i wrote you 4 months ago. for this 4 months i've been struggling but things seem to be getting better.. me and my boyfriend is still together.he start to care for me.. i reconcile. try to patch back all the broken pieces.. i like what you wrote bout "no one like to be controlled and no one can be controlled". for this few months i started to think...what really went wrong..and i realised many things indeed..he upset over too many things and he kept it inside his heart..and then that girl appear which is more understand him than me understanding him...during this period, i've been telling him i ve change...he want space i give him space...i try to make everything balance...but there's one thing which is really bothering me. i ve been asking him when we will get married and he can't give me the answer...i've been asking myself is he ever think of any plan for marriage... is he still thinking on that girl...he might need sometime maybe....maybe after he stop thinking of that girl things will be different..michael ,too many things come to my mind and all of this take times...and time flies too fast...and i need to set time for myself too...how long can i wait?...Anyway , even though my love life is sick..the other part of me is good. my career path is getting better. God really does look on me. i pray to god and i hope that my love life will get better and better each day.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

stayhappy- I like your attitude of not just defining your life by romance, but seeing the other parts of your life as important too. Things will work out. They may not work out the way you want them to, but someday you will look back and see God's hand in it all. So, be patient and keep smiling. There is so much beauty all around you.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

jeevansathi- Good advice. Thanks for the feedback


Alli 4 years ago

I was with my bf for about two years nd in between the two years we had a baby girl. After the baby was born all we did was fight. Some was my fault and some were his. I left with the baby. Im willig to try to worktings out but he dosn't. I think he has to much pride .


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Alli- Pride often gets in the way of healthy relationships. All you can do is be patient and keep gently trying to win him back. Having a baby can be a happy event, but can also add stress to a relationship. So, don't give up and learn important lessons from your mistakes.


Sara 4 years ago

Sara again- My relationship miserably fail; I backed off I told him I am sorry and made a change... he still walked out the door and I was so heart broken I put my two week notice in and packed my bags and drove across country for 3 days. We still talk everyday he calls me horrible names and tells me I am the worst person he has ever meet and wished he never meet me, but yet he is still calling me everyday. Is it because he wants his deposit money back after he moved out, because he wants his money from the furniture I sold for him. ( i will give it to him just waiting for the okay to cash the checks) Hes broke so he talking to me still to get this from me? I love him dearly and want to be back with him, i never left him when he was at the lowest point in his life when his mother was on her death bed and he went to jail. I want this man back in my life, he showed me show much and i thought he loved me because of everything he had invested with me and taught me. Nothing last forever, not even love.

Iv been in a 9 year relationship when that man left me, yes i was heart broken and sad but never needy like this. iv only been with this man for 3 years and it feels like I lost my best friend, my soul twin.

I want to stop myself from calling him and texting him, as soon as i left he meet another girl but he says it means nothing he never called her back. How can someone move on so quick. He was staying with me up until the day I left and was holding me telling me he loves me still and hes sorry it became of this. i feel in my heart this man still loves me so why did he do this.


Jake 4 years ago

Hello, Davis. This is a deaf Jake who I had called you via videophones few months ago. I had shared my experiences of broken friendship from last year. I had exampled that a young lady who took things out of context, and there were a big misunderstandings between us. She was very distanced and deeply harmed me. I was totally devastated. I had missed her for almost a year after she left company. I almost give up her friendship, and thought I wasnt gonna seeing her again.

A year passed, I decided not to criticize her, not to control her, and to keep a long distance from her. I lift her in my prayers and hope to continue her friendship. I had been thought and missed her from time to time, and vividly recalled how amazing friend she was and we were joking each other in these moments. I decided to create a new birthday celebration illustration, and a birthday card exampling that I do still miss and value her friendship, forgiveness, and that I respect her personal space and privacy. I hadn't decided when I can send them to her even though I was bashful. I let time go for healing and patience.

When I found out that she has new job at Espresso, I wasn't sure she was working there. I was frightened to approach her but she gently waved at me and still looked normal. I got relieved. I asked her how she is and I said congrats on her new job and keep up on her endeavor. She wrote with captain: "THANK YOU AND THOUGHTFUL!" I had ordered coffees from her from time to time at her Espresso. I did give these birthday presents and card to her, and she said thank you before I left. She later said that I deserve a better employer and a fun, nice person. She said she did understand a lot of confusion we were blended together since then. She also said see then, and we would hang out sometime.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Sara- I don't know the answer to some of these questions. I don't know what he's thinking. One thing I want to say is that true love lasts forever. Love endures all things. Maybe he is doing this because he doesn't really now what love is. Don't make the mistake of having your life depend on him.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Jake- I'm so glad to hear their is steps being taken and progress being made in this. I know you were sad about everything. I feel hopeful now that things are beginning to work out. You are doing the right thing. Please stay in touch.


Sara-25 profile image

Sara-25 4 years ago from Hollywood

I made a mistake and left the town that built me and left my career im a silly girl.

He continues to call me non stop just as much as me... we spoke last night 4 hours on the phone. Today I was trying to ignore him all day but he continually try to call me for 7 hours angry. Then we ended up back and froth again 4 hours tonight. We both love each other he tells me this everyday after each fight, he says if there is any chance of repairing or salvaging anything to back off. But its so hard to after you've lived w/ a person for 2 years and shared every little thing and showed me what love was.

Micheal what can I do to back off, I want to badly and give him what he wants and his respect. But I cant seem to let off. I try to keep busy hang out with friends.

Should I go see a therapist?

He actually did send me to a spiritual reader/guide to help me cope with this, but he also goes to the same women, so i stopped it was awkward.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Sara-25- You must realize that when you control people they walk away, because no one like to be controlled. However, when you let people have freedom, then they will want you. He cannot truly want you unless he is free not to want you. I know it's hard, but you must trust. If you have to control the relationship by constantly contacting him, then there isn't true love. So, I encourage you to trust that God knows how to make it happen, and if it's meant to be then it will happen in such a beautiful way that you can't imagine. If you fell like you need to, then see a counselor that you trust. Better yet, talk to a friend that you trust. Feel free to email me and I will help you through this.


Luv-struck 4 years ago

Hey I have found ur article very helpful I am 16 years old and I have been dating my 15 year old boyfriend for 2 1/2 years now. He has broken up with me 3 time before for short periods of time and then comes back. He said he loves me more than anything and wants me for the rest of his life. I fell for him and now I love him to death i wanna marry this boy. Things use to be so good he use to treat me like a princess but now he doesn't he's rude says we shouldn't hang out as much is nicer to his friends than he is to me his mom doesn't like me so that makes it even harder he sends me mixed signals cause at one point he says all this sweet stuff to me then he changes and questions us being together I have no clue what to do I don't wanna lose this boy. This relationship has even brought me to the point were I keep asking him if he's okay or if he's gonna leave me I need help please write back please I'm begging you!!:,(


Orchid 4 years ago

I am a single above 40. I met a guy who is seperate from his wife with a big family. We are living in distance thus we are used to skype on a daily basis for like 3 months & exchange visists, but did not have sex. Out of the blue, he just been contacted by his 1st wife whom he got married for a very short period during his uni. like 14 years back.

She came to visit claiming she is sick & then she stayed for almost two weeks where they went out together out of town. During this period he starts acting very strange, and distant. So Idid ask him when he was wondering why I have changed that I feel something is wrong and that if he wanted his distance & space let it be, he just confirm that he still has the same feeling for me. Honestly I felt that he has changed. I am sure that they did have an affair. I have stopped completly contacting him, but he maintained his pattern, he contact may once every two days by either an sms, phone call, skype... He keep me posted when he does travel out of country as I was supposed to go and visit him which I refrain from doing it. When I have asked him what we are, he said he do really miss our chats. Could you kindly tell me what he is up to? is it just curtesey calling me and having a feeling of guilt or preparing me to walk away. I did not initiate any contact since like 15 days.

what should i do now? forgive or leave?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Luv-struck- Many adults deal with these same issues, but you are going to deal even more with struggles because of being teenagers. There is a part of your brain that hasn't fully developed. It's the part that controls your emotions. Boys develop this part slower than girls. So, he will be all over the charts right now. Be patient. Too, I think that you are too young to get tied down. Why? Because this is your time to be free and enjoy life to the fullest. I am 40 years old and understand that a time is coming for you to settle down, work and have a family. But, that time is not now. Ten years from now the people in your life won't be there, but people you haven't met yet will be the ones that you develop life long friendships with. Now, this guy may be the one, but I think you should just be friends for now and let life happen. When I was your age I took some things so seriously. Now, I look back a realize that I should have chilled a little on those things. I understand your love for him, but let yourselves have the freedom to develop into solid adults, then you will be ready for what it takes to have a meaningful relationship. I have friends who were sweethearts in high school, and they have been married for many years. They have good marriages, but that only happened after they grew up a little more. So, relax, be patient and let time take it's course. You will be glad you did. Best to you.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Orchid- I do not know what he is up to since I don't know him. However, when you have certain feelings, it's probably your gut instinct telling you that something is wrong. Sometimes you gotta trust your gut instinct. To me it seems weird that they went out of town together. My advice would be to let things be and let time reveal to you what the truth is. If nothing is wrong, then your feelings will settle down and things will be good again. I think that if you keep contacting him without truly resolving this you will only be tortured.


Sara-25 profile image

Sara-25 4 years ago from Hollywood

Micheal-

If you don't mind i would love to send you a email.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Sara-25- That would be great


Psyche25 4 years ago from Tennessee

My boyfriend and I are having a very difficult time trying to fix a relationship that has been broken for a very long time...over a year. It is extremely hard to communicate with him because he will not listen and understand when I tell him that I unhappy. He say he understand but his actions show that he does not. The comments about the relationship shows that he does not understand and listen. I have tried waiting on him, the direct approach, suggesting counseling, and other things as well. My issue is that my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and 6 months. He build up a wall when we first got together because he thought that since I cheated on a ex-boyfriend when I was 18 (now 25) that I was going to cheat on him. I blamed myself because he made me feel as if I could never do anything right and I was always wrong. However, I still kept trying to show him that I loved him and was here for long term. We have only went out on 1 date, he has openly on his on without me asking or saying it first "he love me" 4 times. If we haven't seen each other and missing each other he will not say " I miss you and want to see you". Each time he comes to visit it is always after a 9 or 10 at night. Then he wakes up early in the morning and he leaves. I have told him over and over and over and over that these things are hurtful. He say okay and nothing is being done to fix this issue. It is to the point now where I have been so hurt by his absence of attention, comfort, sensitivity, love, gentleness, and caring that I do not know what to do. All we do is argue and say we are going to fix things. Then a few days later we are back arguing about the same thing. Also, he makes me feel as I am not important in his life, almost like an option. He claim to be sleep from 9pm to sometimes 2pm and 3pm the next day. Sometimes he will stay up to talk to me via text to 12 am but then I do not hear from him again until 4pm or 5pm the next day. I just do not know what to do about this broken relationship. I am trying everything I can think of to fix this relationship. I am at a point personally where everyday I am getting more and more hurt because this relationship I want so bad is getting worst.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Psyche25- I want to say that I think you should just let him go. If you are having these kinds of problems now, I'm not seeing things getting any better in the future, unless there is a major change in the relationship. I think that there is probably another guy out there that will be all you need him to be, but because you are tied up in this relationship you won't find him.


Al 4 years ago

Hello there. I'm struggling to come to terms with a relationship that I broke myself. I've been great friends with someone for four years. We talked every night. Literally. I can never say that we were a couple, but our relationship was still very deep, and this person opened out completely to me. We've had disagreements before, yes, but been able to work through them. This time though...I'm just not sure. I was feeling low at the time, and responded to something she did by being very petty and shallow and vengeful, and proceeded to hurt her greatly. As she says, true friends don't do this to each other. As she also said, giving a great big monologue about why she's important to me or how I'm hurt by this isn't either. She's told me we're no longer friends and has blocked me from speaking to her. We've agreed to a few days apart (whenever she feels like coming back, and other friends have suggested a month), but from the way she's spoken recently to me I don't know if that will become indefinite. I've admitted my fault. Its been hard--PRIDE IS A KILLER--but I have, and I've sent her a card with a small poem, and the assurance that I'm better and changed and will never do this again, because I never will. I don't want it to be over though. I want to put the effort and time in to get over this and move on--as you say, forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Al- One struggle I have with this is that if this is the first time you did this, then the relationship shouldn't be over. Everybody has a bad day. Everybody overreacts at some point. If love was really part of this relationship, then you should be able to apologize for having a weak moment, and she should be willing to forgive and move on. Yes, you hurt her but we all hurt each other sometimes. If I put someone out of my life because they hurt me, I would have nobody in my life. As humans, we are weak at times and none of us is perfect. So, I encourage you to keep doing what you're doing and hopefully she will come to her senses.


Al 4 years ago

Oh, it wasn't the first time I hurt her. Not to this level, mind you, but I did before. She reacted very well to my card (though is still quite angry with me for betraying her confidence, mind), and I have sent her roses too, both to express how much I can do better and try harder, and also because her name is Rose! Do you mind if I emailed you about this further Michael?


Andrea 4 years ago

Please lend me your insights on this one: In what situation would one rescind an apology?

I apologized to someone (a friend whom I ended friendship with). Now I figured that he was manipulative, didn't play fair and "guilt tripped" me to get that apology in the first place...

It's been a month since my apology.

I really want to send in: "The passage of time has made it clear to me now that you are a dishonest manipulator who treats people like lab rats in his experiments. I only apologized to be a decent person and not stoop down to your level."

That's all.

Wonder if I should send it...


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Al- Yes, please email me


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Andrea- I'm not sure that you should rescined the apology. You would just be caught up in his game. If he is like the way you describe, then I think you should just walk away and never be in his life again. While this article is about reconciling relationships, I realize that not all relationships can be repaired. Some relationships are just not healthy, and this sounds like one of them. You would do well to say nothing, and just disappear from his life for your own health and sanity.


Bluedude 4 years ago

Your article makes alot of sense. So my fiance and I broke up and the relationship was a great one. We always got along well, never fought and knew how to enjoy each others company. Then once we became engaged the pressure of getting married really got to myself and a few months out from the wedding we broke up as a result of that as well as not being on the same page in our quest to God. I have now embarked on a journey to learning more and have begun to get in touch with my spiritual side. I am thinking positive that we can save the relationship and move forward with eventually getting married one day, just that this was a sign to get everything in order before we tie the knot. I am praying that she also sees that things can work out as we were always so great until a few weeks before breaking up! Time will tell and time will be needed to heal both parties!


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Bluedude- It sounds like you are being wise. It is good not to rush in to marriage. It is a life long commitment. If you are not on the same part of the journey together, it can create alot of tension in the marriage. Continue to be patient.


Bluedude 4 years ago

Thanks Michael. I do agree although it is certainly tough not to be with her at the moment, but patience will be the key although its easier said than done!


broken girl 4 years ago

i've been with him the past 2 1/2 years we have had a lot for problem and we had been off on the fisrt year and fix it and then it falls part over and over again and know just because my phone broken he wont talk to me and i just cant help but feel even more broken then befor but i still love him and all and i know that y we keep geting together and all but i love him but am just not happy being with him but i dont how i can love him and not happy being with him at the same time and geting back is always just cause we love each and i just dont know what to do anymore


Jay 4 years ago

Hi Michael,

Was with my gf for 4 years, lived together 1.5yrs. She believed I was her one and wanted marriage and so did i. In the last 8 months however I suffered depression and anxieities due to debts that I was dishonest about with her and everyone. I became distant, unaffectionate, pushed her away and told her I was unsure about her and our love. I hurt her so much. With the depression etc, I saw everything negatively. In the end she felt she could give no more and asked me to move out saying it was over. I have written a long apology letter, started counselling, medication and cognitive therapy to fix my ways. I know she is my one and I have told her this, she feels uncertain and that I have had all my chances. How do I prove I have changed and what should I do in relation to contact. We split up 2 months ago and she hasn't responded in 3 weeks or so. Thanks in advance


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

broken girl- If it has been that way since the beginning, then one of two things is wrong. Either you two are not supposed to be together or you both do not know how to have a healthy relationship. When you love someone you are happy around them. You aren't happy all the time, but most of the time you are. So, you need to decide if you two just need to go your separate ways or get counseling and learn how to have a great relationship.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Jay- When someone gets hurt badly, then it takes a while for them to get over it. Two months isn't long enough for you to have proven that you have changed. So, give it more time. As far as contact, form time to time send her little messages saying that you miss her, that you are still working hard on yourself, and that you love her. But, don't overdo it. Keep it light. Give her time to heal. Let her know that you understand where she is coming from and that you will give her the time and space she needs to heal.


msorensson profile image

msorensson 4 years ago

What a well written and insightful article. Thank you for sharing it.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

msorensson- Thank you.


jay 4 years ago

Hi Michael, thank you for your advice. If she is not responding to messages described as what you say, what should I do? Is it a matter of continuing these, if so what is a good timescale in between messages to avoid pessure or annoyance?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

jay- If she is not responding, that's okay. She is reading them, but she has to have time to believe what you are saying and to see action. So, be patient. As far as a timeline, I would say go with your gut feeling, but I would do it maybe once every two weeks. Sometimes surprise her with a really nice note in between.


Jay 4 years ago

Thank you again for your advice. Obvsiously these things take time and ultimately I will do whatever I need to do. It's funny, my father who is a christian says almost exactly the same things to me. I truly believe that we are meant to be together and know she is the one for me, as she believed too prior to the mess i created forcing her to leave. I will continue to prove and to show unconditional love. It is entirely possible that even before we might have further chance for reconcilliation, or her developing beliefs in possible opportunities with me that she might at first begin a relationship with someone else. What should i do if this situation arises??


Kyle Deitert 4 years ago

I just broke up with the love of my life. I've read through the article and am stunned. I basically used her as an instrument to vent and fume :( basically she was my emotional punching bag..

I feel terrible about all of this. I've known her since I was 16 and I'm 19 now.. I keep saying I'll change and I just don't know how. I put her second instead of first and now she's thinking of getting with someone else. I am willing to stay friends but I want to prove to her how much better I can become, I'm tired of being in love and not giving it as I should. Doesn't anyone have some advice?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Jay- We cannot control other people, so if this situation arises, there isn't much you can do about it. If she ends up with someone else, you will have to deal with that reality and move on. You have no control over that. One of the beautiful lessons I have learned in life is that I don't need to control others. It gives me a real sense of freedom to let go.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Kyle Deitert- We give ourselves to whatever is important to us. If she is really important to you, then give yourself to her. Look deep within yourself and try to discover what is holding you back. Are there trust issues or anything else that is keeping you from giving yourself totally to her?


Jay 4 years ago

Thanks Michael, I realise what you are saying though this is not the case right now. Presumably even if that circumstance was to arise it is the premise that showing unconditional love and proof of changes in me is the only way forward?


Kyle Deitert 4 years ago

Yes there are trust issues, I've been hurt by a lot of different people in the past couple of years and I just find it hard to open up and just let people in. Unfortunately I never really let her in either. I was selfishly afraid of getting hurt.


Grant Nuss 4 years ago

Kyle. Put forth trust, sir. You need to make sure that you do what you need to do, sir. Give it your all.


Kyle Deitert 4 years ago

Thanks big bro -.-'


Nic 4 years ago

Okay I've been with this guy on and off for about 4 1/2 years. Nothing ever changes, even when hes says its going to. He always brings empty promises to the table and I for one grow tired of it. Yes there are quite a few trust issues, but not on my part. Well, on my part as in I dont trust his word at all anymore. But who can blame me really? He's put me through hell and back the last 7 months. I've stated numerous times that any SANE girl would of left him months ago. But I stuck it out and stayed by his side even though he ignored me daily for his other friends. I lasted for 7 months before I asked one simple thing from him, but apparently it was still to much to ask. All I wanted was for him to show me that he actually wanted to be with me. Thats not to much to ask is it?

I will admit that he did change. But it was for a short 2 weeks. Then he went back into the mindset that I loved him and wouldnt leave him no matter what. I guess that is partly my fault because I told him time and time again that I was loyal to him and wouldnt leave him no matter what. Well that was before he sucker punched me in the face -not literally- and sent my ass flying back through the damn hole that I worked so hard to knock into his damn wall that he had put up around his heart. He pushed me out again and I finally snapped. I got tired of being treated like shit all the time. I wanted to be # 1 for once ya know? Girls in general dream of that one guy that would come in and sweep her off her feet? I was one of those girls. Then came the words "I cant be that guy, I tried." Yeah deal breaker right there. At that point I turned and ran. I was tired of crying and being depressed over someone who didnt seem to care one bit that they almost pushed me to the point of suicide, and yes I know, no man is worth killing one's self over. But my point here, and sorry if I am ranting. But he wants another chance and I dont think I can give that to him.

I have no choice now but to put this last bit of information here. Someone has came into my life and is working on sweeping me off my feet. I know it hurts him dearly but dont I deserve a chance to have a prince charming if my ex "cant" be that guy? Im not sure. In my eyes I see it as he's only trying now because he knows that he messed up his last chance. He's had an infinite amount of last chances....


Kyle Deitert 4 years ago

All I have to say is ouch hon..


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Kyle- I heard something the other day that I like. A broken heart only allows you to be more wide open to the world. You have closed off your heart, so you never let the world in. By putting yourself out there and risking being hurt you are really opening up to the world and allowing beauty into your life. Yes, you will get hurt. But, better to love and be hurt than to never have known love.


Kyle Deitert 4 years ago

I think I understand that but idk how to get myself mentally to that point.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Nic- It's ok to rant. It helps get the emotional stress out. You can't keep it in forever. While I am a big believer in reconciling relationships, sometimes it's just not possible due to one person or both being to stubborn. So, my advice is to move on without him. If this other guy is being what you need and want, then give it a chance and see where it goes. But, be careful. When two relationships run close in time together like this, you risk bringing your pain from the other relationship into the new one and then you end up with two broken relationships. So, proceed with caution.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Kyle- To get mentally to that point takes time. You have to give yourself time to heal and to figure things out again.


Psp 4 years ago

My friendship got recently broken with my male friend. some mistake was done by him and i made him that remember. we both are married. He is now not even talking to me or forgiving me since that day. i too begged a lot for forgiveness and tried my level best to communicate and reconcile but i think he is so much hurt or in anger that he is not forgiving me. what shud i do? keep patience and wait and will he ever talk to me or forgive me?

Please pray for me and my friend.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Psp- There isn't much you can do right now. I will pray. You will have to be patient. We can't control another person's reactions. So, waiting and not giving up hope is the only thing you can do.


Falula 4 years ago

Several months ago my best male friend stopped speaking to me (coincidentally weeks after I admitted more than friendly feelings, to which he said he was ok with). After a week he finally called to tell me he was ending our relationship because he felt I wasn't kind to him and it had become toxic. We were also partners in a side venture, which was his idea, but he quietly removed me from the business. I was stunned. I've managed to move on meeting new friends, hanging out with others I probably didn't see as much and having a good time without him, but I think of him often - probably more than I should. I've had a couple of moments of contact since then with either no or stilted response (for example, I asked for written documentation of my removal of our business venture per an attorney's advice and he responded like he was the victim). I don't understand what I did that was so blatantly wrong he felt the need to do this without talking to me. He told me (and others) on many occasions how much he valued me and our friendship so I'm confused. I will keep doing what I'm doing in an effort to move on but I miss him and want answers I'm afraid I'm never going to get. I did recognize what I may have done wrong and apologized, but it seemed to be too late - he made up his mind. Should I try to reconnect or is it even worth it? We have a great deal of mutual friends and we've known each other a couple of decades.


Jay 4 years ago

Hi Michael, My ex as per my posts above has not responded well to my "weekly" texts letting her know that I was thinking of her and miss her. She has told me to stop contacting her and her friends. I'm not sure if she has forgiven me for what i did as described inprevious entries, i sensed a little anger in her message to me. She has not responded to my apology letter and doesn't want to talk. Please pray for our reconciliation and rebuilding of our love. Is the only thing I can do now to honour her wish for no contact??


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Falula- Unfortunately, we live in a broken world with broken people. That means that sometimes people are going to do stupid things to us. It isn't fair, but it is reality. My thought is that you should do what you are doing by moving on. Too, I think because of the way he is acting that you should tell the mutual friends to not mention him when you are around them and ask them to not mention you to him out of respect to you. He has personal issues that he needs to work through and we can only hope that someday he will wake up and realize what he has lost. At that time you will be a much better and stronger person. If and when he comes around be ready to respond with grace and forgiveness. Time has a way of softening us and making us forget the hurt.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Jay- I'm sorry to hear this. Yes, you should honor her wish and stop contacting her. At least you tried and now you can live with no regrets for not trying. What you can do is take time to work on yourself and become and even better person through all of this. Yes, I will pray.


Jay 4 years ago

Thanks michael, I am still progressing through my counselling and medication and ative saving etc for the future. I hope that in time she will forgive me. I am still hopeful and have a belief that things can be different in the future. Do you reckon theres any benefit in me instigating any contact after some time has passed??


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Jay- no, I don't think you should contact her at all. She will need to initiate it. You need to honor her request of no contact.


Kim 4 years ago

Hi Mr. Davis,

Thank you for your informative and hopeful article. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. About two or three months ago he told me his feelings for me have faded. I worked really hard to win his love back, and a few days before our two year anniversary, he told me he loved me like when we first met and he continued to feel that way on the day of our anniversary. But, a mere three days later his feelings have totally disappear and a week later he told me he's no longer "in love" with me nor does he feel like he wants to be with me. When I asked him "Why?" he initially simply said, "I don't know." But, I know it's because of all the negativity in our relationship. I use to be a very angry and explosive person, resorting to verbal attacks and I'm ashamed to say even physical, once or twice. He had been so kind. Whenever I'm upset, he would try to pacify me with hugs and simply trying to hold my hand, but I would reject his advances. And, after he was conditioned not to hug or pacify me when I'm angry, I would then accuse him of not caring and not trying to calm me down. He use to be such a calm and cool person, but he has run out of patience and nowadays, he would snap at me for something very trivial… I feel responsible for pushing him thus far. I sometimes would also compare him to other guys who are supposedly "better" and he had told me that it hurts and bothers him but I have done it on numerous occasions out of spite. I know that I need to change myself so I've been going to therapy for a year. Results are slow but I feel myself having more control of my anger to the point that I no longer curse or lash out. I'm very proud of my accomplishments. I just wish it wasn't too late... :(

He wanted to break up, but I convinced him that since I have changed for the better, we are worth another shot. I wanted to start over, to start a new relationship but with the same person, but my boyfriend was a little apprehensive but ultimately agreed to "try." He said that he has forgiven me for every bad thing that I have done to hurt him, but he said he can't forget them. However, he promised not to dwell on the past and not to dwell on the hurt, and I have agreed to do the same and look towards a better future.

I'm a very proactive person, when something is damaged, I would try to actively fix it. But, I know how desperate and crazy it can be to blindly try and fix something without a "game plan." So the first thing I did was suggest a break, a reset period. It was suppose to be a two week break but because of unforeseen circumstances, it became only one week. But, in that one week break, my boyfriend and I had little to no contact. After the one week, I asked him if he was ready to start over and he said "Yes." He told me he would put his all into trying to repair our relationship.

It has been a little more than a week since we decided to start over. Everything has been going pretty good. Our communication has been the best it has ever been. My boyfriend has used the notes I had given him throughout our past relationship and has been doing nice things like calling me unexpectedly (something he rarely does cause he hates talking on the phone). On the day I had my LASIK procedure, he told me he was going to go see his high school teacher and I told him to "have fun." After meeting up with his teacher, he showed up to my house with ice cream to surprise me. I was so happy. Things have been going so well that it hurts that I have to constantly remind myself not to get too comfortable. My boyfriend is a great person so I'm sure he's just doing this because he cares for me and is also good natured, not because his feelings are coming back for me :(

Yesterday, I asked him if there has been any progress in the feelings department, and he said "No." It made my heart dropped. He said that there's a 50/50 percent chance things will work out or won't work out. However, he told me that he has become more optimistic and more hopeful that things will turn out okay. But, now I'm feeling a little bit pessimistic. I feel like I'm foolishly trying to change the inevitable and that the end is already set in stone…

Do you think it's too early to conclude the end-result? Should I give it more time before throwing in the towel? I know I have to be patient since I can't expect results overnight but it's truly hard when I feel so out of control of my life. I can see that he has been trying and I have been trying my hardest not to "pressure" him into loving me. I don't ask him whether he loves me yet or constantly nag him, and I have made it clear to him that I don't blame him for falling out of love with me. I have been trying to be my happy self around him and to be optimistic, but at times, I really can't see the light at the end of the tunnel :(

BUT, I don't want to give up because I know I'm not ready to let him go. I really love him, and I want us to have that relationship we both want for each other. I would appreciate any advice you have to offer. Thank you for reading!!


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Kim- I'm sorry to hear of the struggle, but am pleased to hear of the positive progress. Remember that love is not a feeling, it is a conscience decision to serve and act with love toward another person, regardless of how they react. The fact that he is doing what he's doing without having feelings of love shows that he truly loves you. Give him a break. He's doing his best. Keep in mind that your past actions toward him have consequences. So, keep your head up and a smile on your face, because you have a great guy who loves you.


Kim 4 years ago

Thank you for your encouraging reply, Mr. Davis.

I know I have a great person in my life who has inspired and motivated me to be better, not for him or anyone else, but for myself. I'm just afraid that I've realized this too late, but I'm hoping that the damage can be repaired win patience, love, and time. But, at the same time, I'm afraid to "hope" because there is a realistic possibility that all of his and my efforts will not bare fruits and that the end to our relationship is inevitable.

What do you advise for me to do in order to continue to stay positive and to lose my fear of "hoping?"

And if you can, please explain why love is not a feeling? Maybe my knowledge of what love is is limited, but I've always thought of it to be some sort of indescribable feeling and sensation that attributes to the desire to care, to nurture, and to protect one's significant other, etc.

He has said that he still loves me as a person, as his best friend, but, he doesn't feel like he's "in love" with me. In your opinion, do you think there's a difference between the two states?

Thank you for your time and courtesies! I will continue to try to be positive and keep reminding myself to be patient.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Kim- There is a passage in the Bible that says "perfect love casts out fear...the one who fears has not been made perfect in love". So, the reason you fear to hope or fear the inevitable is that the love has been broken between you and him. So, you need to grow in love. The "feelings of love" is a chemical reaction in the body when another person excites you. However, true love is the choice to give yourself to another without asking anything in return. True love may have feelings with it, but usually it acts even though there are no feelings. I have been married for 18 years, and believe me I have had many times that I don't feel like loving my wife, but I do it anyway because I choose to. I believe that loving someone and "being in love" are two different creatures. I love many people but am only in love with one. Being in love is that state of excitement because there is a special connection. However that feeling comes and goes depending on the moment. True love lasts through everything. Pick up a Bible and read I Corinthians 13, which gives us the definition of true love. If you can read it from the New International Version.


Matt 4 years ago

Wow, such amazing and truthful stories. So here's mine. I met my girlfriend just under 6 years ago. We will be hopefully celebrating our 6 year anniversary this April 7th. I'm an Actor and since meeting she knew that at some point I wanted to move to LA to pursue it more aggressively. So about 9 months ago just after buying a house together, I made that decision. Then in February, my dad passed away. I still decided to go. So, June 7th, I moved out here. We've always had a great relationship. However, I always knew she loved me more than I loved her. Once I moved out here, it flipped. I was so madly in love with her. She also has a 10 year old daughter and since we've been together for so long, I have grown a love for her daughter too. She was previously married to a highschool sweetheart whom she had her daughter with for about 6 months. We never really talked about how things would change when I left. Unfortunately, my timing wasn't perfect either. I left just a week after her daughter left for the Summer to go to her father's out of state. So I left my girlfriend all by herself in a new house and home that we created together. After coming out here, I noticed she was going out a lot. My personal insecurities made me immediately jealous and not realizing that she just couldn't be home alone, because it was too difficult. So I would get upset at her and yell at her on the phone if I didn't think she called me enough and even accused her of cheating. Who would want to even call someone that just yells at them? I have now become aware of how my actions drove us apart. We would fight over the phone and a few times I even tried to break up with her to make it easier(not the type of person I am). She wouldn't let me saying, "I won't let you take the easy way out". So just over a week ago, I flew back home for a few days to see her, try to repair our relationship, and welcome her daughter back home. We had some great times, but I could tell something was different. We had brunch one day and she said she thought she would feel more connected when I left. Coupled with the way I treated her, I know I drove her even further from me. As of right now, we talk maybe once a day. I'm moving back home in 45 days, for numerous reasons. But I would be lying if I didn't say that our relationship isn't the most important. I have learned a lot in my time out here and knowing what I really want. I didn't know what I had and now it seems it may be gone forever. She won't say I love you anymore, but we did have a nice 30 minute phone conversation yesterday. She said she doesn't know what she wants anymore or if she wants to try to reconcile our once amazing relationship. When I told her I was coming home, she said she wasn't ready to have me back yet. Even though, just a month ago she wrote me a beautiful letter about believing in our strength, sacrifice, and that we will come out better for it in the end. Along with a little poem she wrote me before I left about being in my heart and finding strength in her. Even though, once I left it felt like she had already wrote me off. Before I left home, my intention was to be out here forever, now when I go back home, it will have only been 4 1/2 months. Lastly, last Xmas I bought her a ring. I wanted so badly to make it an engagement ring, but knew that it wouldn't be right to propose and leave. So I made it a ring to show my commitment to her, I feel that's when things started to slowly change. I know I probably forgot some things after typing all this, but any help would mean so much. I know they will never be the same and I'm happy with that, because I learned that I could have been such a better partner to her all along. If we can get through this together, we will have such a strong bond. I don't want to give up on us. I don't want to put a 10 year old girl through this, I have faith in our love and hope for our relationship. It's just hard to not let doubts and bad feelings and images creep into my head. Please help, I am so lost. She doesn't give me a lot to go off of either. Last Sunday, I told her how I thought things went wrong, I apologized completely for how I treated her, and told her how much I loved her, wanted to make things work, and didn't want to give up on us. When done I didn't ask her any questions, I just wanted her to know my position. She said the other day that we're still "together" but it doesn't feel that way. I know we can't fix this thing over the phone, but I hope we can make it until I get home in 45 days. Ranting, I know. Thanks to everyone that reads, if you have any questions or it seems like somethings missing, please let me know.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 4 years ago Author

Matt- I think it's a good sign that she won't let you break up and that she still considers you as being together. So, could your feelings be insecurities that are making you read too much into things? When relationships problems occur, we tend to begin dissecting every word and facial expression. When things are going well we don't even pay attention, but just enjoy every moment. So, I think as a start you need to get back to just trusting her and enjoying her. Don't get stuck in the trap of trying to figure everything out and look too much into everything. She says that she is still yours, so be thankful and by happy in that. Appreciate her for the gift she is and treat her like a queen without asking anything in return. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by the results.

So, just trust her and love her and let go of the recent past and let the relationship take its natural course for now.


Daniel Tran 4 years ago

Here's my story:

My girlfriend and I have been going out for 14 months now, and that may not be long, but to me it is. We've shared many great and happy moments with one another, but there are times when our relationship has reached it's downfall as well. In the past, my girlfriend would sometimes suddenly act cold and distant towards me, for no apparent reason, and I often feel left in the dark and helpless. But generally after a few days, she'll return to normal and give me a letter or text explaining why she acted the way she did, which is completely okay with me. But just about a week ago, she begins to act like this again and this time she asked for a week's break, telling me, "Nothing serious." I took her word and waited for a week, which was yesterday. Now during this week, I've been talking to her friends and trying to find information to why she's been acting like this all of the sudden. It turns out that she has lost feelings for me, and that 'it's not the same anymore', and has been feeling this for two months prior the break. I asked her friend to convince her to try and give our relationship another shot, to see if her feelings would return. So last night she texted me asking me to call her, and we tried to discuss about what has been happening. She cried and cried, telling me that she was sorry for always treating me so coldly and distantly, and after she calmed down, she told me that I should just leave her and find someone else that deserves me. I am a really patient person, and I tried to tell her that I still love her and that she should not give up just yet. But later on, I told her that maybe if she tried harder for our relationship, her feelings could return, however she reacted badly to that comment and hung up on me. I tried calling her back a few times, but she didn't pick up. So I texted her, telling her to meet up with me earlier today, to fully talk about this, and for her not running away. We met up at the park today, and again, she asked me that I should just leave her because it's just not worth it. However, I managed to convince her that we should give our relationship one last chance, and she agreed, not before asking for another weeks break. Which is when school starts. Now that I know that I have one more chance to make this relationship right, I'd like to know how I could make her believe that this relationship could work and get her to be 100% committed to this last chance. Throughout the talk, she appeared sceptical that this second chance is not going to work, but she still agreed to it anyway. Is there any way I can somehow convince that it will work, and that if she doesn't give it her all, it's not going to work. It's basically all or nothing. Now I know I am still young, but someone once told me if you really love something, you have to fight for it. So yeah, basically, I'm fighting for her, and this relationship. Any advice you could give in helping her believe that this relationship could work, and somehow reignite her feelings for me? I know I am in a very difficult situation but with enough determination and effort, I know that this can work.

Just a side note: Before she left, she randomly asked me if I had called and threatened one of her male friends during the break, which surprised me. Of course this wasn't true, and I am not the type of person that'd do that, so I told her no. But I find it really strange she appeared to be more concerned about this 'male' friend of hers, instead of focussing on our relationship. Any thoughts on that?

Please answer as soon as possible, I don't have much time.

Thank you.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Daniel Tran- First, you can't make anyone have feelings for you. Yes, love is worth fighting for. However, if she doesn't respond then you are just spinning your wheels. Has she given you any specifics as to why she lost feelings for you?

If you want her back, then you will have to love her like no other man does. You will have to treat her like a queen and win her heart. Be the best thing that has ever happened to her. Trust her, be gentle with her and build her up and make her feel special. Let her know how proud you are of her.

Please remember that you cannot control another person, so ultimately it's up to her.

Blessings to you as you work to win her heart.


Daniel Tran 3 years ago

Hi Michael, thank you for responding.

She told me she might have 'changed', and this may have had affected her feelings for me.

I'll be seeing her again on Monday when school starts, is there any tips you could give me to get rid of any awkwardness that may arise during our first confrontation after this week's break? Should I hang around with her during lunch like we used to in the past, or should I just hang with my own friends and give her time?

I'm sorry if I'm seem like such a bother.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Daniel Tran- My suggestion is that you should greet her with a smile and act like nothing happened. I know this will be hard, but in order for you two to overcome this you will need to start fresh. Then, wait for her response. If she responds positively, then it is good. If she responds negatively, then at least you did the right thing.


Daniel Tran 3 years ago

Alright then, thank you Michael for sharing your insight. I'll try to do the best I can to save this relationship. I'll tell you how things go in the near future.

Thank you. (:


Kay 3 years ago

This article has really made me think about how to mend this relationship with my roomate/best friend of 5 years. We got into a huge argument over a guy she was dating and with me being vocal about how I thought he may not be the healthiest choice for her. It hurts becasue we have been through everything together, the happiest moment, the saddest moments, she was my best friend in the whole world and now we haven't really spoken in 5 months due to this situation.

I am so hurt becasue she wont accept her part in this situation, she literally disconnected from me, she wouldn't talk to me the last 3 months we lived together and said "God gave her an assignment and she had to focus on it ..that being the guy she was pursuing".

I have accepted I may have been to pushy but she will not accept that she had a part in the fracture in our relationship. I def think this article will help us both get to a middle ground where we can acknowledge we both played a part in this situation.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Kay- I pray the best for you, and hope you both can reconcile soon. As I look back at broken relationships that I have experienced, it is silly the things that separated us. I think that this is such a minor issue that separated you both. It didn't have to end this way. I pray for reconciliation and understanding soon.


Brittany 3 years ago

I keep trying to fix the problems in my relationship by talking about what bothers me when it comes up and giving a solution but my bf refuses to see how he could be doing anything wrong and fights me for hours before i can get him to maybe understand. Then it's like he forgets we even had the breakthrough in a couple days. He blames me for all of his problems and I don't know what to do. I know that we have both made mistakes and been mean to each other at points but i keep trying to fix it and i feel like i'm going in circles...what should I do?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Brittany- This definitely sounds like an unhealthy relationship. I think you need to take a break and give yourself time to heal and work through your personal struggles, and give him time to grow up and learn how to live in a healthy relationship. Also, get hold of some good relationship books.


letoya-2012 3 years ago

please pray for me, i love my boyfriend very much.We have been together for more than a year and he is really a good guy. i never believed that good things could happen to me cuz i always fell on the wrong type of guys. but he is patient and caring.

since the beginning of this year i have been putting our relationship on the line and his trust keeps reducing as days go by.But he keeps on forgiving cuz he believes in me.His problem is that i dont tell him everything as i am supposed to but he on the contrary is very open to me.I really do love and i dont want to losse him.

What could be my problem?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

letoya-2012- Without knowing you personally I can't say what the exact problem is, but I wonder if you are sabotaging the relationship. Do you tend to sabotage relationships? Since you have always fallen for the wrong types of men, maybe now that you have a great guy you are scared and not sure how to handle it. Maybe true love is scary to you and you are struggling with going deeper into the relationship. These are just some initial thoughts.


Taylor 3 years ago

This article has been very helpful. Two months ago, my ex-boyfriend and I finally decided to end things. We started dating May of last year and everything was going well, until a false prophet came up to me and told me to end things with him, that it was my season to be married to GOD. I was devastated and he too was going through a rough time as well. Needless to say, things between us were not the same. I then found out in November that he has moved on to another relationship and it's so painful. I even deleted my fb account and unfriended a mutual friend of ours, because to see him brings so much pain.

Now, I 've been in bad relationships in the past and when GOD told me to let a bad one go, prior to meeting my current ex, I felt such a relief. A month later, I met my ex. We were a really good couple, we inspired each other, supported each other, even talked about building a future together. Now, we don't even speak or e-mail each other. I miss him so much and while I'm definitely moving on with my life, it hurts to know that I don't have him anymore. I take blame in some things I did too to end the relationship, but I feel as though if we just sat down and talked, we could easily work things out.

I haven't given up, but I have left things in the hands of God and reading this article, has given me new insight. I too have a tendency to self-sabotage and I'm learning to receive GOD' gifts in my life. While I do not know what the future holds, this article really has helped me out. God bless you and keep up the good work.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Taylor- I feel for you. We are created for relationship. After all God is Three Persons in relationship with Each Other.

False prophets- don't get me started on them. They do nothing but destroy. For future reference, if anything leads to death (even the death of a relationship) it's not from God.

While this is painful, God can lead you to someone who will fulfill you and make you happy. And when you meet that person, you will be so much better for them because of this experience.


Brian 3 years ago

My girlfriend of year and half broke up with me. She has made it clear to me that she doesnt want to see or talk to me. AM hopeing to try and fix things with her I know that it going to take time and patience buti willing to try I know that she doesnt want to . Should I just move on or should I try to see what happens I still love her


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Brian- For now, you need to leave her alone to show respect. You might give it a little time to see if she will change her mind. But if she doesn't change her mind, it sounds like you have no choice but to move on with your life. As you try to figure all this out, you should do an inventory of yourself and learn from this experience so that you can become an even better person.


Lanette S. 3 years ago

Very helpful article, but I still feel so lost. My boyfriend and I have dated for a little over a year. I should mention that he is a divorced man. He went through a rough divorce, because his ex cheated on him. He wanted the divorce and was separated and divorced from his ex for only a year when I met him. Throughout our relationship he was a wonderful partner. He even showed a desire to re-marry and he talked about having children. These were things that his ex did not want. So, things were progressing in our relationship and he welcomed me to stay with him for an extended period of time during my Summer break, as I am a teacher. During the break things were great and he showed signs of wanting me to move in permanently. But, when I couldn't find a job closer to where he lived, because we lived 2 hours apart, he said I should just move back in with my mom and go back to work. It hurt me then, but we were still together and went back to seeing each other on the weekends. Then, our one year anniversary came up, we had a wonderful time on a cruise. And exactly one month after our anniversary he invited me to celebrate Thanksgiving with him and his family. But, instead of picking me up to travel to Arizona to see his family, he brought the my remaining things and said he needed a break. I tried, but I guess I hassled him with text messages and phone calls, I even sent him an extended email with my feelings described because I just didn't understand and it hurt so much. Then, I went to see him after he got back from Arizona to pick up the rest of my stuff and to try and discuss things. He told me that his feelings had changed toward me and he could not see us being married anymore, so he could not be with me because he did not love me the same way. I told him that I felt we could make things work if we compromised. Then he hurt me because he said he was not willing to settle, and I had to let him go, there was nothing I could do to change his mind. Since, then its been only two months that we have been separated, but it still hurts. I still want to have hope that we can make things work. But my family is telling me otherwise, saying that he was just a damaged man because he was divorced and that I need to move on, but I can't. I love him too much, and it hurts. Do you have any advice for me. Is it wrong to have hope?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Lanette S.- Hope is never wrong. Without hope we can't get up in the morning. Has he said what brought on his change of mind toward you? It sounds like there's something he's not telling you. You can hang on to hope. But, you must live your life to the fullest. Take it one day at a time and embrace all the beauty today has to offer. Start there. Allow yourself to hurt and to heal.


Lanette S. 3 years ago

Thanks Michael, wow writing to you hurts too. My boyfriends name was Michael. Well, I think I forgot to mention that he was in the military and had been stressed with our relationship and the fact that he wanted to transfer to another state. He was never happy with the big city of California. But, he did share with me that he had doubts and his fear was that he did not want to pull me away from my family. But, I knew he was in the military when I met him and I explained to him that it was a sacrifice I was willing to make because I loved him. He said he was afraid that once I was away from my family and only with him, he feared that I would resent him. This all came about only four months into our relationship. He had tried to break up with me then because he said he loved me to much to ask me to leave my family, but I convinced him that there was no reason why we should deny ourselves of being happy with one another. And then, recently another co-worker that was struggling with his marriage brought the issue into our life again. His friend was having issues with his wife because his wife was away from family and was starting to lose love for her husband. He shared with me that this scared him. But, if Mike has doubts about being married, how else can I show him that I love him so much that would not happen. My friend also, gave me advice that I should give him space and try to share that I still care and love him by giving him a birthday card. His birthday is in March. I really want to, but part of me is insecure that he has already moved on and is seeing someone new, but I'm not sure. All I know is that I found that he created several online dating profiles, which is how we met originally through eharmony. I really want to make things work, but he is not willing to meet me half way. I just don't understand how he could have changed his feelings toward me. I still think our love is worth fighting for. I want him to know that I haven't given up on us and he shouldn't either, which I already shared with him. I know if he wanted to, he could contact me anytime, but he hasn't. Do you think I have to lose hope of getting him back because he is on five different online dating sites. It hurts me to think that he can even think of being with someone else.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Lanette S- feel free to email if you need further help with this. You cannot control him or change his mind. All you can do is be the best you that you can. Take time to heal and see all the other beauty in your life. As far as he goes, the only thing you can do is wait. But don't stop living while you wait.


Kezi 3 years ago

Great you in the precious name of Jesus!

We were a good,caring, lovers!But now iam not able to understand the exact reason for our breakup.And if there is any chance i just want him back.

We worked together in a private company. I liked him because of the loneliness in him he needed care, love and affection but only bad thing was he gets angry with even silly things.

I proposed him because i understood he was afraid of telling his love for me.He was really very happy when i told him my love and that was the first time i saw him so much happy.

For three months everything was fine.We used to chat. Care for each other and he used to say he doesnt want to miss me in his life and need my love for a long time. He used to ask me again and again "will u b with me always? You are only for me".

I had to move to other place for my studies and he said after completing your studies we will get married.

But before going he wanted to meet me once as i left the job before a month. So i wanted to give him surprise visit and wanted to confirm he was in office or not. So i called him he disconnected the call. I thaught he was just playing as he used to play with me for a month. But i didnt know that his sister in law was admitted in hospital and she was in serious condition. Unaware of this i again and again called him and messaged him. Yes then i regretted for this and asked sorry. Then he told the situation. Then for two days i didnt called him or messaged him and was waiting for his call. But he didnt called or messaged. Then i got worried and i started messaging him with those loving caring words which he used to ask me to send......

But these message created a big break between our relationship. He didnt reply for even a sing message. Suddenly one day he sent a message that dont call me or message me any more......

I begged him forgiveness and he was very angry with me and started hurting me.He tried to explain me that i should forget him through his friends. But Sir please tell me is it easy to forget a man who loved me like anything and never wanted to miss me. He loved me more than i. He used to care for me as if he is caring for a small child.... I cried a lot to him to accept me and tried explain him that it will be painfull for him too to forget me...

But his message shocked me. He said "i can forget you thats y im telling you to forget me"

I became mad for him cried a lot For 2 months i tried to get him back again. But the more i tried that much he got away from me. Now its more than 5 months after our break up..

By reading bible aand through prayers im feeling better now and doing my studies. But there is not even a single second that i live without thinking about him. My heart again and again says call him and try to convince him. But i know my message or call will irritate him.

I dont know wt is in his mind. I m just waiting if there is God's will he will come back.But still im so much worried. I dont want him to forget me. When i call him he blackmails that he will tell my family that im disturbing him.So i stopped calling him now. i dont want to trouble him.

Sir please help me how can i convince him, should i convince him or not? If yes, i should try, then please help me how can i do it. I dont want to miss him for any reason.....

Please do consider my plea.

Thank you.

God Bls.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Kezi- We cannot control another person. While your heart is broken, you just can't make him do anything against his will. At this point it appears that you need to move on with your life and ask God to help you to heal and move on. It hurts when someone you dearly love doesn't love you back. But, you can move on. If it is God's will for you two to be together, then it will happen. But, right now it appears that is not the case. So, with a thankful heart I encourage you to allow God to show you the other beautiful things and people in your life. Maybe God is keeping you from further hurt that would have happened if this man was still in your life. So, trust God and move on.


kezi john 3 years ago

Thank you sooo much for your reply sir!!!!!!!! This was a really comforting advice.....

Some times i think in the same way that i should move on with my life, but still the promises which he did the promises which i did makes me feel guilty.... Yes im happy with the life which God blessed me with... some where his thoughts kills me... When ever he was in trouble, he used to ask me to be with him. So i used to comfort him saying i will be with him in all ups and downs in his life but eventhough he broke up with our relationship, iam not able to forget those promises.

This makes me feel guilty!!!!!!!


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

kezi john- we all make mistakes and none of us can see the future. So, don't feel guilty. Just learn the lessons to be learned from this and move on with joy.


ashley 3 years ago

hello sir,

i really need your advice at dis situation of mine..we loved each other truly..bt he was alwyz afraid dt i willl leave him and go since he faced dis situation twice in his lyf previously..though i love him truly i guess i cudnt show him properly..actully he says i alwyz break his trust. for the frst tym he forgave me. secnd tym it ws nt me whu did the mistake bt it happend wid me so he ws hrtd again.den smhw i managed to make him undrstnd.bt again sm unwntd things happend wid me and so he needs break up..he says he cnt trust me anymore..though the third tym i dint do any thing knowingly but he thinks m nt lyk wt i show.. he says he has lost al his feeligs nw.Bt he knows dat i have the realisation nw i hv changed myself totally.bt he is nt able to trust me again.now the thing is dt he is havin lots of misuderstandings about me.i begged him a lot not to lev me.bt he is determied now.

he ws my first love.i dnt wnt to loose him by any means. since i ws bit immtured so i dint kno how to handle different situations in a relationship.now i kno i hv learnt many things now i will give my 100%.

he told jst ystrdy to brk up wid him. not to irritate him by calling.

sir i really need your kind advice now.wt should i do? how to make him believe on me? i hv tried a lot by being very polite.bt he becomes more harsh.nw i cnt undrstnd wt m supposd to do.i want him bck in my lyf.if someone mkes him udstd properly i kno his mind might change bt his frnz sys to leave.

i love him truly.i kno m nt wrong.i ever betrayed him bt he doesnt trust me anymore.i wnt to kno how will i gain his trust and love back.

please i need your urgent help.do consider my request.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

ashley- First, I apologize for taking so long to respond. I was just notified that you left a comment. There is nothing you can do to keep him. You need to honor his request and stay away. I have had this happen in my life, and it is painful. But, you will discover that life and joy can still be yours without him. I know that you hurt badly right now, but allow yourself to live without him and you will discover that life exists and happiness exists outside of him. There are other beautiful people in your life. Enjoy them and thank God for the gifts that they are. Maybe some day he will be back in your life. If that happens, you will be a much better person than you were in the past. Remember too that love always trusts. Where there is true love, there is trust.


Abby Riley 3 years ago

Michael, I loved reading your advice....my boyfriend just broke up with me a week ago (on my birthday). he has cut off all contact with me for a few weeks. He told me the reason for the break up was to see if we truly love each other and we need to date other people to see if we actually do. our relationship lasted 14 months. I feel like some of it is my fault because I would never let him go out and do anything and if I would I would get very mad. i'm trying to be patience and just wait to see when he talks to me next. I think this is an excuse for him wanting freedom? What do you think?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Abby Riley- I apologize for taking so long to respond. In a healthy relationship, there has to be freedom. You both need to be around other people to have balance. If you are "bound" to each other to the point you don't ever get away to see other people, then you lose appreciation for each other and began to grow stale in your relationship. What he is probably doing is reacting to what he feels is enslavement to you. You need to communicate to him that if he comes back, he is free to be himself and free to do other things and hang out with other people. What you will find is a man who then wants to be with you rather than feeling like he has to be with you.


Chris W 3 years ago

I was with the most amazing woman for 10 years. Engaged for 3 of those years. She was perfect, at least for me. Everything about her was divine. April of this year 2013, she broke up with me. I had a feeling that something wasn't right in our relationship, but nothing ever surfaced. She feels like she needs to work on her for a while. I try to understand but its hard for me to comprehend because we were together for so long. I actually felt like we were soul mates, meant for each other. Our love was special, a very strong love and one day it all came to an end. I'm not a cheater I'm very loyal, faithful, and loving and she left me. I can understand that one would want to work on themselves, but why can I not remain with her? She tells me that she doesn't want to drag me along her path and that she doesn't want to hurt me along the way. All of that time together and now this. We had so many wonderful times. We also had our bad times as well but the good out weigh the bad 10 fold. It is hard for me to come to terms. I'm not implying that I was Mr. Perfect, but I was and tried my best at being good to her. I feel like my life has come to an end, literally. All I think about are all of the things we did together. Everywhere I look I see her and cant help but feel remorse for not being a better person. I also think about how the holidays will never be the same or birthdays. Birthdays were always a special occasion between us. She is not a cheater and wouldn't lie to me about anything. It hasn't even been a month yet and I'm completely depressed. I don't know what to do. I tell myself that I can live without her, but that thought quickly diminishes because I know how much I love her. I try to keep in contact but our conversation quickly goes sour because I always try to confess my love for her. I keep making the mistake that I'm not keeping in touch enough and that she might forget about me. Can anyone tell me why after this long and after all the good times and happiness we shared it all came to an end? I don't feel like me anymore.


Chris W 3 years ago

I forgot to add something to my previous post. She did say that she needs space. She does hope that we will be together in the end and that she had no doubt that I was the one she was supposed to marry, but she doesn't know what the future holds. Even still why would she break off our engagement after all these years?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Chris W- Without talking to her I don't know what her reasoning is on this. But I have seen times where people need to work on themselves, and they can't be distracted by a relationship during that time. So, one possible way to approach this is to view it as a positive that she is doing this for you, and that things will be even better than before.

On the other hand, she could have handled it differently so as not to hurt you so much. We, as humans, can be self-focused to the point that we just don't think about what our actions do to the other person.

My thought would be to give her the space she needs, and remind her from time to time that she is loved.

Also, be there for her. There may be times when she needs you. Be available to her. But, live your life. Of course you are hurting, and living without her, even if it's for a little while, will be very hard. But, learn to live again. There is so much joy to be had in life.

Keep in touch. You can email me if you want.


Chris W 3 years ago

I just want to say thank you for your kind words. No one, not even my family, besides my mother, gave me comfort. It feels like no one I knew could understand how I felt or what I was going through. The pain I feel sometimes is unbearable and I cannot stop thinking negatively about everything. My emotions toy with me. Making me feel alone, forgotten, inadequate, and worthless. Never have I felt everything at once. Every emotion that a human can feel I have felt. Are you an angel that God sent down? Is it purely by chance that I clicked on your Web link and managed to get such a fast response? I pray regularly for things to get better and it only seems to get worse. But thank you for what you said.


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Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Chris W- All these emotions are part of the normal course of healing. Also, they are evidence that broken relationships are not good. They cause pain and suffering. You said that you have been praying but things seem to be getting worse. Two things to keep in mind is, 1. God is using this to refine you and make you better, 2. God suffers with His creation and so His heart breaks for you. Stay in touch and we can get through this.


Matt 3 years ago

Thank you very much for writing this article. My dear one told me once (at the time of my worst verbal abuse towards her due to my mental illness) that 'in some cultures, repaired vases are way more precious than the new ones'. I almost did not hear her when she said that the first time, but as time goes by, these words keep on echoing inside my head louder and louder. I recently heard them loudly and clearly. I now believe patience, understanding, kindness and love are on our side. It is going to be hard and will probably take a lot of time to fix and rebuild what we had, but I am ready.

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

M.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Matt- thanks so much. Best to you!


Chris W 3 years ago

I don't know if I can do this Michael. The pain I'm dealing with is too hard. I've never been good at saying things to her, at least in the sense that the words come out right. All I think about is her. I hear the "I love you's" over and over again. Somehow I know that we are not going to end up back together. I think she is done with me. It's the falling out of love with someone deal. I dedicated myself to her. Everything I did I did it with her in mind. Now there is nothing I cant do without thinking of her. And there is nothing I can do to remedy this. My feeling of being lonely and betrayed by the one woman I loved, that I still love, is too great. I don't know what to do anymore. I believed in her. I believed that no matter what happened we would always be together. I don't know if I can come to terms without having her in my life. People just don't understand. My best friend, he's like a brother, told me I should have seen this coming. Who says that to someone? My would have been sister-in-law told me I would find somebody better. I got no support, but that's because they cant understand. My would have been sister-in-law is married and she said that to me. Of all people I thought she would have said something different. Her level of love for her husband is nowhere near the love I have for Maureen.

This isn't the first time I've had my heart broken. My first girlfriend cheated on my with one of my own friends. It killed me inside. I felt nowhere near how I feel right now. I was with her for 1 year and it destroyed me and it was only a year. Take the instance I'm in now and magnify that by 10 and add in some of the best times of my life, all of her family that I came to love, our cats, and my couch. Sorry I'm trying to throw in some humor there. I know that it is hard to understand everything that I'm trying to say cause you don't know me personally or don't know all of the issues involved (I don't even know all the issues). But believe me when I say that I loved this woman, like no other. And I thought she loved me too. I don't think that it is fair to me because in all of those 10 years we never broke up once. It's like I don't get a second chance. I feel cheated because of that. People say that I need to work on myself. I can understand that, but not having her there by my side makes it hard. I wish I could turn back time. To the time and place we were happiest. You know Michael people were envious of Maureen and I's relationship. That's how good we got along. Always had a good time we always laughed and hugged each other. We went camping once and I hate spiders she doesn't mind bugs, it was a role reversal lol. That morning when I woke up I was covered in Daddy Long Legs, I screamed like a school girl and she woke up and screamed too, then I screamed again cause she scared the heck out of me lol, man that is just one of the thousands of memories I have. They play over and over again in my head. I cant live in the present because I reminisce in the past and I'm worried about my future. I'm by no means trying to stay in that position, but my mind plays tricks on me. I could be having a wonderful day and then I think about her out of the blue. About her being with another person. It brings me down. I then feel low the entire day. I don't know what to do.

I apologize but I don't know how to get to your email.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Chris W- First, the email. Look at my profile. Go to Fan Mail and click on it, you will see the email link there.

Your feelings, pain, struggle, ups and downs are all valid and reasonable. When you love someone that deeply, it's going to hurt bad to lose them. Don't despair. You will heal and you will feel normal again, but just not right now. I don't know if you will ever get her back, but you will get YOU back eventually. But, you have to walk through this pain first. It will make you a different and better person if you allow it to.

Don't be afraid to feel the pain and don't be afraid to blame God. If you fight God on this, you will find God in this.

To have someone as special as her is rare. You can go on, but it will take time. So, be patient. Remember too that you are not alone. People all over the world today are heart broken over someone they love. Some will never see the one they love again, because the one they love died, so there is no hope of getting back together. The reason I say this is to help you realize that you are not alone in your pain.

Be real. Be real about your pain. Be real about your thoughts and feelings. Be real about reality, the reality that this is devastating, but it is NOT the end.


deepika 3 years ago

really gr8.........


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

Thanks deepika


KayGD 3 years ago

Michael:

Just as with many of the stories above, mine is one of heart break. I sound just like Chris W above.

My husband and I dated for 6 years before marrying. He was significantly younger than me, which was a controversy in itself. But I had fallen in love with him and he was it, he was the one. So, against EVERYONE'S will I married him, hell bent to make it work.

After two years of marriage, and building a house together, he started to go behind my back and make large purchases without consulting me about it. With this one particular purchase came a different lifestyle that I did not enjoy, but because it was something he wanted to do, I went along. He also felt the need to start using steroids as well in order to look better, which I thought he looked fine, but he was very interested in what others perceived him as and had very low self esteem. Then the affair started. It lasted for a year. Even after I found out about it, he continued to see her and I continued to fight for my marriage..it was hopeless. Counseling, nothing worked. I was a nervous wreck. I had dedicated myself to him, took a vow before God was was committed to making it work. He wasn't, at least until it was too late.

The final straw came when he took her on vacation with him. The moment he left the house, I filed for divorce. I began seeing someone else that I had known all my life, but just couldn't find the same love and zing that my husband and I had once shared. So we backed away from one another.

Now, I have started to talk to my husband again. After seeing me with someone else and the realization that woman he was with was a whore while on vacation, he wants to reconcile. I wanted to fix it when it first broke. Now he misses it and wants to fix it on his terms. I love my husband I do...but I am hearing so many people say that he won't change, he can't. Once a cheater, always a cheater. etc...

My parents are at their wits ends with me because they dish out and dish out and then I go against their wishes and talk to my husband and consider reconciling our marriage. My mother is outraged that he committed adultery and that "she would kick my dad out and never look back". But how do you know what you would REALLY do if you have never been in the situation? I have prayed about all this constantly especially on forgiveness, anger, rejection and anxiety. I am hoping that we can take it day by day. There's so many things involved, trust, faith, hope, honesty....I just don't know. I don't want my marriage to end, but when the man "sets his wife aside" then it's grounds for divorce in a biblical sense, which is what everyone else is seeing and feeling and saying...everyone is so mad at him. They just don't want to see me hurt again because they have seen the pain he has caused me for the past 2 years or so of my life.

I pray that he can get his life together and prove what he wants in life. I just want him and myself to be happy and do the right thing, whether it's what everyone else wants or not.

Please pray for us.

This dramatic story has been considerably condensed. I literally could write a book about my life..


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 3 years ago Author

KayGD- While I am all for reconciling relationships, they must be reconciled on agreed terms. If one person just does not get it and is being selfish, then true reconciliation is not possible. As bad as you want him back, you must use caution and wisdom. Email me if you want to get into more details


jman30 2 years ago

Me and my girlfriend had a fight in a debut party she is leaving me alone most of the times and having fun by herself, i only go to the party because she is getting mad at me if i am not going so I joined her but the problem is she likes to drink somehow and leaving me alone in the table for around 30 min, when she got back she looks a bit tipsy and i started getting mad, i know i am no a perfect boyfriend and ever since we met she told me if i hurt her physically she will avoid me and will not get back with me. In the party i somehow hold her left elbow tight and told her to sit down and by the looks of it i think i hurt her physically. Before leaving the party i ask her come now let's leave but she won't join me so i became angry and told her it's over i want a break up and leaving her alone up stairs with all her classmates. after an hour i came back for her she is very drunk shouting and crying i accompanied her to her house and leave and her parents even thank me for returning her home. This morning she text me she says she doesn't want to be involved with me anymore she said i hurt her physically and now she is scared of me she just wants to move on to her life. I really love her is letting go the really right choice? I love her very much what should i do should i just stop bugging her and apologizing i know what i did is wrong but she is at fault also what should i do?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 2 years ago Author

jman30- I think letting her go is the right thing in this situation. It sounds like she wants the party free life, and you are not comfortable with that. You both are frustrated with each other and definitely not going the same direction.


Lavendergrey 2 years ago

Recently, there was a bad argument (politics and religion) between my oldest son & my husband (Son's stepdad) while we were staying with my son and his family for a visit. Long story shortened, it was an awful scene and finally, after I yelled at my son so he wouldn't become physical, we managed to get our stuff packed up and left at 7:30 p.m. While my husband has acknowledged it was his fault for allowing himself to get drawn into the argument (after I had warned him my son had begun drinking every evening and to NOT get into ANY discussion with him), we did apologize (after some terse texts from son's wife ordering me to "fix" things and apologize for everything). My son responded to our texts with a "Thank you" response, and also said he needed to work through some things so give him a couple of weeks and then he will definitely call me to talk. It has been 3 weeks, and I've heard nothing from him and he has removed me as a friend on Facebook. I wish to repair the relationship, as does my husband, but I am unsure of whether to try and contact my son or continue to "give him space" to figure things out. He has a history of holding grudges (even with family members) and shutting people out of his life rather than try and forgive and restore relationships. There is a lot more to this whole scenario, all contributing factors, I believe, but far too many to explain here. At this point, I am at a loss of what to do other than wait it out…but just how long should I wait? Thank you so much for your insight.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 2 years ago Author

Lavendergrey- you should contact him and push firmly, but lovingly for a face to face meeting. He needs to be brought to a decision to talk and deal with this. If he agrees to a meeting then I can walk you through the process of restoration. Feel free to email me.


James 2 years ago

Michael - Thank you for taking the time to write this article and for supporting others through their relationship struggles. I am in such a situation with someone who was my best friend until a rift occurred last year.

During my 2nd stay with them and their family while on vacation, I was in a very dark place and struggling to keep myself together. My parents were in the process of separating, I had difficulty keeping my depression and chronic illness from defining my life and I had also recently increased my anti-depressant dosage. To say I was in survival mode would be an understatement.

I stayed with my friend for two weeks. Before that 2nd visit we had been communicating most days via Skype or Facebook, as we live in separate countries. In particular there were some issues stressing her out that I, wanting to be a problem solver, offered suggestions to. I didn't realize it at the time but after a while my eagerness to continue discussing this topic began to impact negatively on my friend's stress levels, as this was a matter concerning parenting and family.

I was unaware at just how broken I'd become because of my own problems; so my mind was far from perceptive and my emotions lacking subtlety. I visited local sights with my friend and her family. Discussions on the topic I mentioned earlier continued and it wasn't until my friend came out and asked if my advice was based on an assumption they were bad parents, that I realized just how far over the line I was. I wish I could say that I sharpened my senses, apologized and salvaged the remainder of the trip. This is not an excuse by any means but I felt as if my mind were not my own; amid my volatile emotions I had allowed something destructive to steer me.

This clouded mind and judgement resulted in her sending her children to relatives because she felt I was judging her every move. There were also external issues before and during my visit, not related to me, which had added to her stress. I had made things worse, much worse. As she suffers from bipolar, I can't begin to imagine how she would've felt trapped in her own home by someone who she thought was a friend. At this point I didn't know what to do. It was like coming out of a daze, suddenly seeing that these actions were mine and somehow our friendship and the vacation had been badly damaged.

For the rest of the vacation we were civil but the unease was difficult. She started to be physically ill and require more rest, as her stress began to overwhelm her more. The day I left to return home she told me she loved me and asked if I would be okay. I sensed that they were parting words but I thought, or hoped at least, I could return home and then work on it with a clearer mind. Unfortunately she told me later that week when I tried to initiate conversation that she felt the relationship was irreparably broken. Later on she also accused me of molestation of her eldest daughter, who had apparently told her some things happened; though they didn't. In my desperation to salvage what was till then an incredible friendship, not only with her but with her family and friends, I made multiple efforts over the months that followed writing messages; and trying to explain my way back into favor.

As it stands now, it has been almost a year since we spoke and during that time God has shown me the ugly truth of what really happened; faults of mine that were invisible to me at the time and until recently. I may have been going through a lot, but my actions were abhorrent and if I didn't know any better I'd say Satan helped me to orchestrate the most perfectly awful destruction of a friendship. With the nature of the conflict and the allegations, it turned into a mighty mess; it's hollowed me out inside and no doubt done the same to my once friend.

I still love them all, I think about them frequently and yet I know, for God has shown me clearly, that my actions were not those of a friend. I was anything but during that 2nd stay, much to my shame. It has impacted severely on my well being and yet I couldn't have been shown the truth by God had I not sunk so low. I still see my friend on messenger and have the urge to chat, to try and apologize but I feel helpless. I know God can restore friendships, even the most broken, that he can bring people together and reunite those who once were companions. She is a Christian and I have been on a road returning to God; at least attempting to.

Michael, can you shed some light on what I can do? Should I try to extend a hand in reconciliation or be the one to initiate some other way? Sometimes I feel as if God is telling me that what happened had to happen to rebuild my foundation; that restoration through him is possible. Other times I wonder if it's just my wishful thinking. I love my friend and her family. I believe with all my heart that God can be the peacemaker in this, if it is His will. What are your thoughts? I apologize for such a lengthy post, but as you can see it's complicated.

Regards,

James


tiffanyt 2 years ago

Hello,

I love your article but I do have a few questions. Regarding the issue of the relationship not ending overnight, ours actually did. There was one event that cause me to end it involving a stalker who showed up at my house with convincing evidence that they were in fact in a relationship. I later found out that it was a lie but the damage had been done. Now I would love to get back what we had but he's still on the fence stating that I should have believed in him even though when the situation occurred he was there and confronted her as if there was nothing going on between the two of us which is what prompted my response. Should I just let this go, it's been months and I just feel stuck.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 2 years ago Author

tiffanyt- I apoogize for the slow response. My computer has been down for several weeks. I dont quite understand what the issue is that's got you stuck. Who is stalking? Is your bf on the fence between you and someone else?

You can answer here or email me.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 2 years ago Author

James- I apologize for such a late response. My computer has been down for several weeks. I think what you should do is not play God. Let God run His own universe and you just be a submissive child to Him. Enjoy the journey of today. I think you should write her and tell her what you just told me and be sincere, honest and seek forgiveness with all humility. Then it's up to her to respond. If she responds well, then work towards reconciliation, but if she doesn't, then just move on with joy for all you have learned in this process.


Emily 2 years ago

Almost 3 weeks now my bf broke up with me cause I have said things against him, very insulting to him. It's also cause of my anger towards him for keeping on encouraging me since before to give up in our relationship but I never want to and always insist so we keep moving on until this big fight with him (we had this fight online). He said he forgave me and closed his account after he got mad and said he will never wanna talk to me anymore but I knew his other personal account to I kept begging him to reactivate again the other account and talk to me and I asked him for forgiveness but he threatened to close that account again if I don't stop emailing him. I seek counsel and most said to leave him alone so I sent him email "I let you go, thanks for forgiving me, I forgive you too for not fulfilling ur promise to marry me" and he replied "Im glad and hopefully it's ur new beginning." It's so painful for me that he just let me go like that so easily but I am still bleeding inside and still hoping for the restoration of our relationship. It is because he just waited me to say those words cause he already kept encouraging me to let go before cause he can let go, saying the relationship is not God's will. I cry everyday buckets of tears missing him. I keep praying that God will intervene his heart and sooner/later he will come back to me, in God's time.


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 2 years ago Author

Emily- I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is so hard to go through the final breaking off of a relationship. Many that I have talked to have gone through this same thing. A few have found healing and even found someone who was even better than the one they lost. I recently got an email from someone who was just as heartbroken as you are right now. I helped them through healing. They end up finding someone way better than the one they lost and now they are happily married. I'm not sure if you will get him back or not, but I know that you can heal from this. And maybe God has someone else in mind for you. You admitted to some mistakes, so learn from them and become an even better person. If you need to you can email me.


chan 2 years ago

hey mike how can I email you personallyy because don't want share my situation with the world


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 2 years ago Author

Chan- go to my profile and click on 'fan mail'. There will be a link there to send me an email


Kim 2 years ago

I have been soul searching for a way to make amends with my sister. This article was just what I needed to read. My family has been split apart by my sister's anger. The issues she is angry about has been blown out of proportion. She is a very stubborn person and definitely will not admit that how she is treating us is wrong. At Christmas I tried to talk to her and she shut me out. She has called my daughter names because she is very angry with her. It huts me that she is acting like this to me and my kids. I would never dream of doing that to her kids. This has been an ongoing problem since October. How much time do I need to give her? Do I approach her and demand that we talk this through? I feel that will drive her farther away. I so miss her and our family being together. What to do?


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 2 years ago Author

Kim- Unfortunately, this is an all too common problem in families. I have a close friend whose sister-in-law is ripping apart the family with no remorse. I have someone in my family that is doing the same thing. Two things you need to do:

1. Have the family confront her in a united way

2. Cut off communication with her until she makes amends

It isn't up to you to make amends; it is up to her. We want relationships to be repaired, which of course is the point of this article. However, there are situations when the relationship can't be repaired until the offending person admits their wrong doing and takes the steps to heal what they have broken.


Harell 21 months ago

I hurt my wife on so many levels I don't know where to start. I talked to girls behind her back not for relationship purpose but as friends. Hinds sight I should have told my wife that I was talking to them I love my wife dearly and don't want to lose her or her heart to another. My biggest mistake was when her family members perished I wasn't there for her emotionally I was dealing with our kids while she going through her grieving. And my last mistake was I made a commit on a female picture on social media while we shared that site


Michael Davis profile image

Michael Davis 20 months ago Author

Harell- I think in this situation it is a case of "lesson learned". It sounds like you learned valuable lessons and can live now with wisdom based on those experiences. How is your wife reacting to this at the moment?


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I am "Michelle", a college grad with a highly professional job. I was looking for answers & I got them. I was heartbroken that my boyfriend decided to leave the relationship, a friend introduced me to a spell caster called "Priest Andrew", so I had him cast A Lover Retrieval spell. Within a week of the spell casting, he called "just to talk". After some pleasant talks and catching up, he asked to see me again. He is absolutely crazy about me now and DOES see the good in me that I had hoped he would. We are back together now happily & even planning on getting married. All thanks to Priest Andrew, (priestandrew91@yahoo.com)


Megan 7 months ago

Without DR Akwuke a lot of people would have been dead through heart break. My case is not different from heart break, I am married woman with 2 kids and there was a time when i was having problem with my husband because he was having an affair outside our marriage and this was making me feel bad. So i tried finding solution to my problem by reading a lot of relationship tips on the internet and that was how i came in contact with DR Akwuke contact details and through the help of DR Akwuke at [Akwukespiritualtemple@gmail.com] my husband left the girl he was having affair with and he came back to me and our kids. After a job well done by DR Akwuke i felt that it will be unfair if i keep this secret to myself and that is why i am going to drop the contact details of DR Akwuke right now,or you can also reach him via this email: Akwukespiritualtemple@gmail.com


carol 7 months ago

name is carol and I live in USA, My life is back again... After 5years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with kids .I felt like my life was about to end and I almost committed suicide, I was emotionally down for a very long time.Thanks to a spell caster called dr. ovia, which I meet online, On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet and I came across a lot of testimonies about this particular spell caster.Some people testified that he brought their Ex boyfriend back, some testified that he restores Womb,Cure Cancer and Herpes Virus and HIV Cure,diabitis hapatitis b, and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. I also come across one particular testimony and it was about a woman called jenni, she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr. ovia email address: droviaspiritualtemple@gmail.com After reading all these,I decided to give it a try and I contacted him through his via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48 hours, my husband came back to me, and we solved our issues, we are even happier than before Dr. ovia is really a gifted man and I will not stop testifying him because he is a wonderful man and so powerful, If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems. contact him on this email:droviaspiritualtemple@gmail.com or call +2348135858735

GOODLUCK..


KATE 6 months ago

I am really happy that Dr.Ehimen reunited me and my lover back together. what an experience! Dr Ehimen is a wonderful spell caster, he has made my life complete again by helping me cast a spell to return my lover and also make my lover to be faithful to me again. I was skeptical at first, but what a believer I am now, his spell really worked! my lover is now faithful to me, if you are also seeking for help to get your lover back? contact him on: Dr ehimenspelltemple@hotmail.com


carol 5 months ago

my name is carol and I live in USA, My life is back again... After 5years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with kids .I felt like my life was about to end and I almost committed suicide, I was emotionally down for a very long time.Thanks to a spell caster called dr. ovia, which I meet online, On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet and I came across a lot of testimonies about this particular spell caster.Some people testified that he brought their Ex boyfriend back, some testified that he restores Womb,Cure Cancer and Herpes Virus and HIV Cure,diabitis hepatitis b, and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. I also come across one particular testimony and it was about a woman called jinni, she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr. ovia email address which is, droviaspiritualtemple@gmail.com After reading all these,I decided to give it a try and I contacted him through his via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48 hours, my husband came back to me, and we solved our issues, we are even happier than before Dr. ovia is really a gifted man and I will not stop testifying him because he is a wonderful man and so powerful, If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems. contact him on this email:droviaspiritualtemple@gmail.com or call him on whats-app +2348135858735

GOODLUCK......

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