Ridiculous Breakup Excuses


One nice thing people all over the world know how to do best is to give excuses. It has become part of us to the extent that sometimes we don’t even think about how ridiculous it sounds or how it will be received by the other party. When it comes to relationships, excuses also have some part to play too. Sometimes the excuses are genuine but sometimes they are not and when they are not, you will be shocked to discover is the underlying ridiculous nature of some of these breakup excuses stems from the fact they are mostly powered more or less by pure selfishness and nothing else. Let’s take a look at some of them and analyze them a lil…


I am afraid of tomorrow

So what do you want me to do after all these years? The real question should even be what is it that you are afraid of in the first place is. That is when you will hear even some more ridiculous reasoning like “I am afraid you will find someone you love more than me tomorrow and subsequently dump me for him/her” or this: ”I don’t think I can live without you if something bad happens to you tomorrow, what will I do?” My God, do you see what I meant? You are breaking up today to avoid the pains of possible break up tomorrow and you think that is cool? Dear friend, I think you are just postponing the D-day and that is quite ridiculous to me.


You are too good for me

Human beings will never stop to amaze you when you really look into it. This is somebody who has praying his/her life to get that perfect partner who will complete him/her. Watch it, the keyword here is perfect. Now look what he is mouthing off. So you want someone who is not too good for you? My only wish for you will live to remember a day like this when you just blasphemed.


I am not the one for you

Then why don’t you show me the one who is for me now? I am not saying that we don’t have the right to make the best decisions for ourselves especially in such a dire and tricky issue like marriage which is supposed to be a long time thing but the problem with this type of excuse is that you are not actually being helpful like you will really think you are. You are just being selfish.


What Will Be Will Be

Who doesn’t know that? But tell me the truth and I wouldn’t worry you again. Tell me what is it that is really going to be? Response: If we are meant for each other, we will still find each other come rain come sunshine. Oh what a considerate prophet of a man we have here…but oh what a truthful liar we also have in our hands.


I don’t think this is working

This excuse is usually coming from someone who is actually looking for some other reasons to break up or from someone who is very skeptical about the whole relationship thing. S/He is looking for that very excuse and/or confirmation from the other party. Although he thinks s/he is sure that the relationship is not heading for the altar, he still wants to know if you are feeling the same way too. And if you eventually make the mistake of giving him the confirmation he is seeking, please don’t say I didn’t tell you. But then, that doesn’t stop you from giving him the confirmation, that is, if you are already thinking that way too…


There is another person

I like this excuse. It is not ridiculous if there is actually someone else but on the other hand, if there isn’t then the ridiculous nature pops out at once. If the latter is the case, I think I can understand it a bit because most people love fantasy and if this person making this very excuse feels like s/he is not getting enough of whatever s/he is supposed to be getting from the relationship, there is every chance s/he has been reserving this space either for the fairy-tale lover or for this another person s/he just mentioned.


I am not yet ready

This is a player’s anthem. I am not yet ready. Ask him when he will be and you will see that distant look on his face confirming what you knew already that he is just a player and not really the serious type only that you tried to change the status quo. Well, if he is not yet ready, that means he should stop getting the treatment specially reserved for those who are ready. Don’t you think so?


My career first

I don’t know why you think your career should come first but if indeed you really think so, then so be it. But wait a moment; don’t you think you can even make your marriage/relationship your FIRST career? In that case there will no need for this useless excuse!


This is not right

What is not right? The fact that I am in love with you or what? Tell me, what is not right after we have spent nothing less than five to six years together? You are just being selfish and you know it.


I am now a born again

This is usually coming from the religious freaks…am sorry to say that. After all these wonderful moments we shared together, you just woke up one day and decided it is now time for Christ. Jesus! Well since you really want to separate, I wouldn’t stand in your way but before you leave you just have to remember this, you have to remember that by the time you come back i.e. if you ever do, just remember that I too can become a born again that time…


Our tribes don’t intermarry…We have a different religion

So what? So why don’t you want to be the first to break the ice here? Have you ever bothered to know why my tribe and yours don’t intermarry? I thought the general consensus is that we are serving the same God? Oh…now I see it, you are just making excuses to go. Do you really realize how ridiculous that sounds? Our tribes do not intermarry and/or we of different religious background? Why? Maybe it’s because you are from a cannibalistic tribe and me, I am a pagan from the outer space huh?


You are old enough to be my father/mother

Since when did you realize that? So why did you stick with me all these times? I should have known it is the money! What else could it be, you tell me?


Let’s take a break

Nothing could be more direct! S/he is asking for it and your dilemma now is that if you say yes, that means you were not even all that serious in the first place but on the other hand, if you say no, that means you don’t want him/her to be happy. Both ways, you loose…sorry.


I am not financially buoyant

What has money got to do with it? A lot, my dear. They say money makes the world go round and if you want your relationship to last long too, there must never be the constant problem of lack of money. One of us has to be financially buoyant, obviously. Who doesn’t know that? But I hope you also know s/he could be using it as an excuse against you? Read in another way, that statement could also imply “get us the money or get it over with this relationship.”


I am not ready for kids

That is not a problem if the agreement is consensual and it’s quite understandable because with kids comes their problems and a lot of responsibilities but don’t you think it is like saying you’d rather prefer to make your omelet without breaking an egg something you know is not yet possible. Coming as an excuse, it means that you just want to throw the bath water out, but together with the baby…and that’s too bad!


My people don’t like you… My friends say you won’t make a good partner

You know this is very ridiculous, don’t you? This is your relationship…your life you are talking about. Why should you let what other people are saying or feeling ruin your relationship? The problem you may have failed to see is that people will always talk but anyway who cares after all you know you are just making excuses to get away fast.


Let’s just have fun

I like that. This is a very nice excuse because it is trying to elevate the fun angle over the nitty-gritty aspects of the relationship. Anyway it is your choice. You can either go along and have fun or else…you press the kill button fast because the relationship is most likely heading no way with such an excuse!


You are becoming too fat for my liking

I know this type of statement usually come from the men. I don’t claim to know if women also say that but if the fatness is going to get in the way, I suggest something should be done if the relationship is to be salvaged otherwise this excuse actually…stands!


You don’t dress well

I like this excuse because it can easily be worked out. But since we are on the subject of ridiculous excuses, this one could actually become the hardest nut to crack because to a determined person who wants to make the excuse, nothing you ever put on could ever pass for the ideal.


You are too/not too good in bed

I know what you are thinking. You think I have forgotten this one. This is one could always rank as the number one of all the excuses given for breakups. But of what good is the relationship if the people involved are not satiated with each other in the bed department? No matter how you look at it, the problem is still there because if the other party is either too good or not too good in bed, someone must always have to play a lot of catch up which is quite stressful for anybody who is anxiously looking for an excuse to use the last exit plan.

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3 comments

Eric Prado profile image

Eric Prado 5 years ago from Webster, Texas

Actually, "There is another person" is a valid reason and not ridiculous. Who wouldn't want to leave if they have been cheated on repeatedly?


Emmyboy profile image

Emmyboy 5 years ago from Nigeria Author

Eric I get your point. When there's really another person this statement doesn't count. But remember we are on the subject of excuses such as a situation when there's actually no another person...That's when the whole thing gets ridiculous. You see?


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

These are very funny excuses.. I am not yet ready.... You will never be ready. I like how you refer to this excuse as the player's anthem. Most guys use this line when they aren't interested in a particular woman either because she is not is type or he is involved with someone else. You are too good for me line is total b.s. I am a now born again.. I know this woman who used this line on guys who would hit on her that she wasn't interested in.

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