SERIOUS HUB: Men, Do NOT Say These Things to The Bridal Couple at Their Reception
Cutting the cake--what a sensitive moment
More bridal reception scenes
Well, here you are
at your best friend's wedding day. You and the groom were frat brothers and you became friends with his girlfriend seemingly over-night because she was just so nice.
And there you three were just out of college--sharing an apartment, looking for work, and finally, you found a good job working for Home Depot. Then your best friend and frat brother found a great job at AT&T and you both were doing great.
Not long from then, your frat brother's fiancé found herself a job at a local Food Lion, a huge grocery store that is of national-notoriety. She was hired to start as a cashier. Oh how happy she was to have a weekly paycheck.
And oh how happy you and her fiancé and you were at having money and a place to live, but then he moved in: The clumsy elephant in the room. You three saw him right-off, but simply ignored him.
The more you three ignored him, the bigger he got until you three living in that small apartment got pretty thin and hard to breathe. But you all were sensitive to each other's needs and never said a word about "that" someone who had to move.
We all knew who it was. You. The good old reliable buddy, buddy. The best friend, frat brother, and friend to the frat brother's fiancé. Both of them looked at each other with eyes twinkling like stars on an Alabama summer night as you said, "Well, I guess I will be the one moving out," and no sooner than you said those words, these two handed you the two suitcases with all of your things and said, "Good-bye, old buddy and thanks," as you slowly walked down those sixteen flights of stairs due to the elevator being broken-down.
It's now years later
two to be exact. And one day when you came home from work, your frat buddy and half of the twosome who nearly-cheered as you moved from the apartment you, him, and his fiancé were living, called you to invite you to attend their wedding and wedding reception to follow in the Moose Lodge just outside of your hometown.
Funny. Your frat brother or his fiancé never bothered to call you in the prior two years to see if you were okay emotionally after they almost kicked you out of the apartment. No. You just "toughed it out," and now look. Wow. You are going to attend their wedding and forthcoming reception.
How nice is this, huh?
But let me warn you, my broken-hearted, emotionally-abused buddy of the groom and bride, you are going to have to fight a tough temptation when you arrive at the wedding reception.
A temptation to say all of the nasty things you have been keeping in your heart due to how much you resent them for not moving when it was your apartment to begin with. Your good old frat brother never mentioned this interesting fact when he and his fiancé all but pushed you out in the cold. No sir.
But that was two years ago. This is now. A new day for you and your frat brother and wife.
Attention Male Friends of The Bridal Couple:
Your two friends have just become man and wife. They have been under a mountain of stress like you wouldn't believe. And now a huge part of making the bridal couple happy falls on . . .
Because in thick and thin, there you were for them when they were single. Now that they are married and about to start their new lives together . . .
Please. I beg of you. Do Not say Any of the cheap, vulgar things listed in this hub. Refrain from saying them as a personal favor to me. Deal?
And you will not
say any of the things listed below prior to, during and after their wedding and reception:
- "What a catch you made, "Cassy." "But then again, your standards were pretty lax for a boyfriend and husband--as long as he was living and breathing, he was your type of guy."
- "Did you ever tell "Jim boy," what you were before you started work at the Food Lion?" "Well do not worry. I won't tell him about your nights spent as this town's highest-paid street walker."
- "Is that your real breasts or did 'Jim boy,' go in debt for them?"
- "Cassy, 'Jim boy,' confided in me that he was worried about satisfying you in bed and I told him not to worry. If the entire college football team in the next town couldn't do it, neither could he."
- "Nice reception, 'Jim boy.'" "Did you sell-off your blood by the pint to swing this room in the recreation center?"
- "Say, 'Cassy,' are those folks at that table over there your parents, or am I in a funeral home?"
- "Hey, guys in the audience. Before I toast the lovely couple, I want to ask you, does 'Cassy,' look familiar?" "She should. She is last month's centerfold in Hustler!"
- "No, 'Jim boy,' 'Cassy,' is not a lesbian as you ask me two years ago."
- "So, 'Cassy,' explain the female pin-up you had in your bedroom in the apartment you and 'Jim boy' kicked me out of two years ago."
- 'Jim boy,' sure likes his women smart. Yes, sir." "'Cassy,' here is a real 'math whiz.' she can count all the way up to 100 and it only took her nine years of college to do that."
- "Am I drunk?" "No, 'Cassy,' looking at you just makes me feel that way."
- "Last week there was some trouble at our local livestock auction facilities about five miles out of town." "The auctioneer was about to sell a herd of cows and said over the public address system, "I need all cows up here now," and 'Cassy' nearly broke a leg running to get there."
I wish you the best, my down-trodden man who was used by 'Jim boy' and 'Cassy."
But if you fail and say any or all of these things . . .call me. I have a complete list of aliases you can use in your new life in South America.
Lovely bride tosses her bouquet
More by this Author
It's her day. Brides want everything from the color of the carpet on the church's floor to how cold the ice should be in drinks for the wedding reception. But . . .when it comes to gifts, be careful!
Weddings are a serious event and by all standards, they should be. But there is no law against a few harmless pranks you can pull on the newlyweds.
Yes, "we" talk funny in the South. Need proof? Just read this hub.