SERIOUS HUB: Men, Do NOT Say These Things to The Bridal Couple at Their Reception

Cutting the cake--what a sensitive moment

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More bridal reception scenes

The lovely bridal couple ready to have a great life.
The lovely bridal couple ready to have a great life. | Source
This bride is now wondering what in the world was I thinking when I said I do to that drunk man in there showing his butt.
This bride is now wondering what in the world was I thinking when I said I do to that drunk man in there showing his butt. | Source
Pretty bride throws her pretty bouquet "up for grabs" for the single ladies.
Pretty bride throws her pretty bouquet "up for grabs" for the single ladies. | Source
What a roaring good time these friends and family of the bridal couple are having at their reception.
What a roaring good time these friends and family of the bridal couple are having at their reception. | Source
What fun to get tipsy and pick up your bride like she is a rag doll.
What fun to get tipsy and pick up your bride like she is a rag doll. | Source

Well, here you are

at your best friend's wedding day. You and the groom were frat brothers and you became friends with his girlfriend seemingly over-night because she was just so nice.

And there you three were just out of college--sharing an apartment, looking for work, and finally, you found a good job working for Home Depot. Then your best friend and frat brother found a great job at AT&T and you both were doing great.

Not long from then, your frat brother's fiancé found herself a job at a local Food Lion, a huge grocery store that is of national-notoriety. She was hired to start as a cashier. Oh how happy she was to have a weekly paycheck.

And oh how happy you and her fiancé and you were at having money and a place to live, but then he moved in: The clumsy elephant in the room. You three saw him right-off, but simply ignored him.

The more you three ignored him, the bigger he got until you three living in that small apartment got pretty thin and hard to breathe. But you all were sensitive to each other's needs and never said a word about "that" someone who had to move.

We all knew who it was. You. The good old reliable buddy, buddy. The best friend, frat brother, and friend to the frat brother's fiancé. Both of them looked at each other with eyes twinkling like stars on an Alabama summer night as you said, "Well, I guess I will be the one moving out," and no sooner than you said those words, these two handed you the two suitcases with all of your things and said, "Good-bye, old buddy and thanks," as you slowly walked down those sixteen flights of stairs due to the elevator being broken-down.


It's now years later

two to be exact. And one day when you came home from work, your frat buddy and half of the twosome who nearly-cheered as you moved from the apartment you, him, and his fiancé were living, called you to invite you to attend their wedding and wedding reception to follow in the Moose Lodge just outside of your hometown.

Funny. Your frat brother or his fiancé never bothered to call you in the prior two years to see if you were okay emotionally after they almost kicked you out of the apartment. No. You just "toughed it out," and now look. Wow. You are going to attend their wedding and forthcoming reception.

How nice is this, huh?

But let me warn you, my broken-hearted, emotionally-abused buddy of the groom and bride, you are going to have to fight a tough temptation when you arrive at the wedding reception.

A temptation to say all of the nasty things you have been keeping in your heart due to how much you resent them for not moving when it was your apartment to begin with. Your good old frat brother never mentioned this interesting fact when he and his fiancé all but pushed you out in the cold. No sir.

But that was two years ago. This is now. A new day for you and your frat brother and wife.

Attention Male Friends of The Bridal Couple:
Your two friends have just become man and wife. They have been under a mountain of stress like you wouldn't believe. And now a huge part of making the bridal couple happy falls on . . .
YOU!


Because in thick and thin, there you were for them when they were single. Now that they are married and about to start their new lives together . . .


Please. I beg of you. Do Not say Any of the cheap, vulgar things listed in this hub. Refrain from saying them as a personal favor to me. Deal?

"Thank you,"

Kenneth

And you will not

say any of the things listed below prior to, during and after their wedding and reception:

  1. "What a catch you made, "Cassy." "But then again, your standards were pretty lax for a boyfriend and husband--as long as he was living and breathing, he was your type of guy."
  2. "Did you ever tell "Jim boy," what you were before you started work at the Food Lion?" "Well do not worry. I won't tell him about your nights spent as this town's highest-paid street walker."
  3. "Is that your real breasts or did 'Jim boy,' go in debt for them?"
  4. "Cassy, 'Jim boy,' confided in me that he was worried about satisfying you in bed and I told him not to worry. If the entire college football team in the next town couldn't do it, neither could he."
  5. "Nice reception, 'Jim boy.'" "Did you sell-off your blood by the pint to swing this room in the recreation center?"
  6. "Say, 'Cassy,' are those folks at that table over there your parents, or am I in a funeral home?"
  7. "Hey, guys in the audience. Before I toast the lovely couple, I want to ask you, does 'Cassy,' look familiar?" "She should. She is last month's centerfold in Hustler!"
  8. "No, 'Jim boy,' 'Cassy,' is not a lesbian as you ask me two years ago."
  9. "So, 'Cassy,' explain the female pin-up you had in your bedroom in the apartment you and 'Jim boy' kicked me out of two years ago."
  10. 'Jim boy,' sure likes his women smart. Yes, sir." "'Cassy,' here is a real 'math whiz.' she can count all the way up to 100 and it only took her nine years of college to do that."
  11. "Am I drunk?" "No, 'Cassy,' looking at you just makes me feel that way."
  12. "Last week there was some trouble at our local livestock auction facilities about five miles out of town." "The auctioneer was about to sell a herd of cows and said over the public address system, "I need all cows up here now," and 'Cassy' nearly broke a leg running to get there."

I wish you the best, my down-trodden man who was used by 'Jim boy' and 'Cassy."

But if you fail and say any or all of these things . . .call me. I have a complete list of aliases you can use in your new life in South America.

Lovely bride tosses her bouquet

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Comments 6 comments

Bk42author profile image

Bk42author 2 years ago from New York

Great advice! Like my girlfriends say...the only thing you should say to a bride on her wedding day is "you look beautiful!" Voted up!


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

If you can't say something positive -- especially on their specially day -- it's best to keep mum.


Sparklea profile image

Sparklea 2 years ago from Upstate New York

Hi Kenneth! loved this! What a great story, and I LOVE the way it flowed so smoothly. Voted up, useful, funny and interesting. The accompanying pictures were fantastic! What you shared, I believe, is really a common occurrence in weddings. I have seen a lot of hilarious wedding movies. I could feel your emotion throughout, especially with you being kicked out of 'your' apartment and them not contacting you for two years...and your list of what not to do were things I would never even think of! Tremendous hub, and something we all share because who does not go to a wedding? God bless and thank you for the entertainment! Sparklea PS: I am now following you and sent you a fan mail. :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Bk42author,

You mean I cannot say to the bride, "say, you have packed on a few pounds," and walk off? Just kidding. I would never do that for I do not get invited to that many weddings.

I am invited to my pastor's oldest daughter's wedding in June and I asked her what part I would play in her ceremony?

She replied in her 20ish tone, "Oh, you just show-up, sit down, and be quiet." She and I have joked with each other for years and I am proud for her.

Thanks for your nice comment. I will use the "you look beautiful" line you mentioned. Thanks.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, FlourishAnyway,

You are so wise. I will have to agree with you. Being able to tame the tongue is a wonderful thing to be able to do--especially at a serious event as a wedding.

Thanks for the advice and great comment. I appreciate you very much.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Sparklea,

You are a sweet girl for saying such nice things about me. I shall never be able to repay you. I appreciate you for all of your super-comment.

I am so glad that you liked this. But to me, your hubs and writing are far better.

I will keep in mind what you and everyone said of this hub for future referenced.

Sparklea, God bless you and have a peaceful night or day.

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