Sometimes a Hug Is All We Need....shh, Don't Speak

Listen

The Bible says, " there's a time for everything under the sun, a time to speak, a time to keep quiet. So it's in that spirit that this article is written. This is one of those axioms that merit closer scrutiny.

Have you ever been in this situation, you run into someone with the most forlorn look, and you approach them and ask "what's wrong," and they proceed with a litany of problems? Did you really want to know or were you just being nosey, pardon me, curious? Did you stand there wishing you'd never asked? Herein lies the application, sometimes just a hug is all they need. Maybe just hush and listen. The conversation will dictate the proper response. Venting, is oftentimes very cathartic, so take a breath, you don't always have to have the solution. There are times when introspective is what's needed. You the listener, (a good one), will discern that, and act accordingly. There is a truth that can't be denied, there are talkers and listeners.

The talkers listen with the idea that, "as soon as I can get a word in edgewise, it's my turn." Not necessarily with the idea of responding to the conversation, but with a one-upmanship, in other words, "I got one better than that."

The listener on the other hand, in most cases, looks into the face of the conversationalist and quietly take it all in, inserting an occasional question concerning the subject. You can tell a talker, by the frequent interruptions and constant insertions of "uh, huh, and," and the impatience for the speaker to finish. The listener can repeat minute details of the conversation, even if they have short memories. You see listeners don't necessarily rely on memory, if they've heard it, it's embedded into their psyche. I am not speaking from a professional standpoint, on the subject, but from experience.

I have been told that I am a good listener, (of course my children would probably beg to differ). When I first heard that, I thought, "me," but I have something to say on almost everything. Upon closer examination of my listening habits, I tend to concur. When someone is speaking I tend to look into the face of the speaker, and ask leading questions. Now, I do this because I am truly interested in most of the conversations that I am involved in. Maybe I am a tad bit nosey, whatever it is I find it easier to listen than to talk at these times. I have a phenomenally bad memory, however, I can meet someone that I've had an intense discourse with and instantly remember something specific about the conversation. I've been asked by the person, "you remember that?" I can honestly say yes. Don't get me wrong I am a big talker, but also a listener, when it matters.

Back to the subject at hand. There are times when life overwhelms us, and what we need most of all is a listening ear. Sometimes it appears, by the way we state it, we want an answer, however, with a little silence from the listener the reason for the rant, or intense conversation will become apparent. So, when someone comes to you needing to talk, take a breath, sit up straight, look intently into the face of the speaker, and wait. Maybe all they need is silence on your part, and maybe, what they need is a hug. Be the "medicine" they need, and if need be....Shh, just a hug.


Talk

On the occasion, when speaking is necessary to alleviate the intense stress of a situation, think, before you speak. If need be, speak as little as possible, and for goodness sake, don't go into your troubles at that time. That's when it's not about you, it's all about them at this point. There is nothing more maddening than having to vent, and then, to run into the one person that has the same need as you. I digress. If you've paid attention, you can discern the appropriate advice, or comfort to dispense. There probably is no need for a professional at this point. However if you discern that there is need for a professional, don't hesitate to recommend one. Even when there is need for conversation, still, quiet, and, a hug could come in handy. 

Conclusion

So I reiterate, sometimes all they need is a hug.....shh, don't speak, unless it's necessary! So, if a hug is needed, don't be shy, just give it.

© 2009 Alfreta Sailor

More by this Author


Comments 40 comments

ashleyr24 7 years ago

Very good and insightful HUB fastfreta. I believe I am your number one fan. I read all of your HUBS now. I look forward to each one you write. KEEP IT UP!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks ashleyr24, for stopping by, thanks for being my number one fan, (smile).


Catlyn profile image

Catlyn 7 years ago from Somewhere in the OC

Bearing eachother's burdens with love - this is the heart of the listener. Another great Hub, fastfreta! Thanks for being here!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks again Catlyn, for that heartfelt expression, wish I'd said it,(smile). Come back again!


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

shhh...just a hug. Excellent advice! I tend to ask questions and talk in between too - that's a great lesson in shutting up and listening when someone needs to vent! As always fastfreta, a wonderful read!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Shalini, you are spoiling me. I appreciate your comments and compliments, you are the best.


create a page profile image

create a page 7 years ago from Maryland, USA

Fantastic advice fastfreta. I am amazed at the wealth of knowledge and experience exhibited through this hub and the others you have written. Good for you. Great job.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

create a page you are wonderful. Thank you for stopping by so often. I hope you are enjoying yourself. Please come by again.


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

You are so full of good advice fastfreta! :)

I'm a listener, always have been - a quality that was honed when I worked as a journalist. The trick, as you say, is to ask gently leading questions occasionally and let the talker do the rest. Sometimes you don't even have to do that...


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you Feline, I see you are a woman after my own heart, a listener. Thanks for stopping by, please come back again soon.


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 7 years ago from London, UK

I getting addicted to your hubs. They are so fascinating. Thank you


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you Hello, hello, I appreciate fellow hubbers like you, that actually read my hub and comment according. Thanks once again and come back soon.


Kim Garcia 7 years ago

So True!!! Very well expressed and very well written. I'm enjoying reading your Hubs, so glad I found you!! Sometimes a Hug is exactly what we need, and I just bet you give good ones. Amen!!

Many Blessings! ~K


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 7 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you Kim for weighing in on my hub. Please stop by again soon.


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 6 years ago from Sunny Spain

I feel like it is Christmas I have just found your hubs and I am enjoying reading them so much, I am a listener, I use to be a talker but listening is so much more interesting and enjoyable.

I love the way you write and I love the way you think, I know that this is only the second hub that I have read but already I feel that I know you, your heart and love shines through every word and in each hub that I have read you have that rare gift of nailing the very heart of the matter. I am so happy that I have found you and your hubs though now I really ought to switch the computer off and get some work done. lol


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you maggs, I am blushing, you make me feel special. Thanks for stopping by, and please do come again.


\Brenda Scully 6 years ago

well written agony aunt...... love it


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks Brenda, good to hear from you. I'm so glad that you were not quitting. The last time I read a hub of yours, it sounded as if you were quitting. Oops, my bad memory, I do remember reading a hub after that. Anyway good to hear from you again. Thanks for stopping by.


marcofratelli profile image

marcofratelli 6 years ago from Australia

Well said. Great hub, 1 vote on shetoldme! :)


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks marcofratelli, for stopping by, please come again soon.


masmasika 6 years ago

I've seen too many people trying to voice out their problems and you are right, a hug is all they need. Great way to view things.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you masmasika, for your comment, and for stopping by, please come again soon.


Duchess OBlunt 6 years ago

Just getting back to some of your work fastfreta. This is a good one. One think I try to do (but don't always succeed at). From experience though, you are absolutely right, Shh, don't speak, a hug is all that is needed.

Thanks for the reminder in such a lovely way.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Hello Duchess, I love your honesty, so refreshing. Thank you so much for taking time to read my hubs. I appreciate the support. Please come back again soon.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

Nice!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks Micky Dee for stopping by and reading my hub, please come again soon.


Sue1226 profile image

Sue1226 6 years ago from Dallas, Texas

wow, this was great, I'm glad some one understands. there is another thing they always say to, everything is going to be alright, or it can't get any worse, I think some times they are trying or want to be fortune tellers. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

So true Sue1226. Thank you for stopping and reading, I look forward to seeing you again soon.


wisdombound1970 profile image

wisdombound1970 6 years ago from Mesa ,Arizona

hello fastfreta... I'm new to the world of hubpages.and I'm overwhelmed with enlightenment.you have very interesting hubs sometimes we just need to be reminded that you can't always find the right words to fit each situation and a hug can say it all.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you very much wisdombound1970, and welcome to HubPages. See you soon.


sophs 6 years ago

I love this! So true. Brilliant advice Fastfreta, you are so wise. Great hub! :)


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you sophs, I'm glad that you enjoyed this. See you soon.


ptosis profile image

ptosis 6 years ago from Arizona

HUGS!!!

You are so right!

Hugging brings your blood pressure down 10 points right away.

Hugging is the best thing!

Hooray for Hugs!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you very much ptosis, for validating this hub. I can't wait to go over and read your hubs. I'll see you soon.


3cardmonte 4 years ago

Excellent hub, I love a great big bear hug!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Thank you so much 3cardmonte, you're too kind. I appreciate your visits so much, please come back.


Anamika S profile image

Anamika S 4 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

Loved your Hub! I am a hug person. I love to be hugged but only by those whom I am very close to.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks so much Anamika. I am somewhat of a hugger too. I said somewhat, because when I detect that a person don't want to be touched, I back off. Because unlike you, I tend to try to hug most people I meet and feel comfortable around. I should probably be more like you, in this regard, because I notice people are more standoffish today. And maybe rightly so, one never knows why a person wants to touch them. Thanks for your comment and inadvertent sage advice, hugging "only by those whom I am very close to."


Anamika S profile image

Anamika S 4 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

In fact I have a very bad experience which I mentioned in a Hub also. I had a colleague at the Bank I use to work with whom I was never close. It is not that I am no9t friendly but this Guy was from a different department so our interactions were mostly greetings. I resigned from the Bank and also changed my mobile number as I was getting a lot of work related calls. This Guy somehow got my new number from my close friend and called me. He told that he is coming near the area where I reside and asked if he could come to my house. I lied that I am not at home and agreed to meet him at the local McDonald's outlet. As soon as he saw me he rushed to me (almost knocking me off) and gave me a bear hug crushing my bones and suffocating me. I was shocked and embarrassed because he was not close enough to treat me that way. That was the last I saw the Guy.


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 4 years ago from Southern California Author

So sorry Anamika you had that experience. I see your point about being careful.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working