Tips To Keep Your Marriage Strong-Say I Love You And Really Mean It

This topic was difficult for me personally to write about because I feel so strongly about the importance of telling the people around me how much I love them.  So please forgive me as I step up on my soap box for a little while.  I'll try to be as brief as I can but no promises. 

I don't know how people get to a point in their life where they can't show love for another person. I guess I could understand if you didn't grow up in a loving family like I did, that you wouldn't know how easy it is to say "I love you" but for the rest of us there is no excuse. Telling all of the important people in your life that you love them keeps a strong bond between you and the ones you love. The strongest bond there is, love between two people. As children our moms and dads raise us with lots of love and are always looking at us and telling us how much they love us. For those of you who have children I hope you are doing that as well. But for some reason as we start to get into our teens we begin to feel embarrassed for telling our parents we love them. I know, I fell into that same thing when I was young. I didn't even realize until I was in my 40's, when my father was having open heart surgery, that I hadn't told him I loved him in a very long time. He could have died and I wouldn't know if he realized that I still loved him. Thankfully, he made it through triple bypass and is doing well. The difference is now I tell him I love him every time I talk to him on the phone and every time I see him face to face. I also do the same with my Mom and well, everyone in my family. I realized how important all those people are to me and I want them to know that they are loved. I know every day that if something were to happen to anyone in my family, God forbid, I will have peace of mind that I told that person I loved them and they knew I did.

My wife and I were recently talking about one of my nephews who is now 22. We haven't seen a lot of him in his life as he's been bounced around from one place to another throughout his life between his mother and father. He's out on his own now and keeps in touch with us with phone calls and the occasional visit. One thing he does every time before he leaves or hangs up is tell us he loves us. This 22 year old man who has not had a lot of love thrown his way except for when we saw him, feels comfortable telling us he loves us. It's awesome!

So my long winded point is that if you love someone, you need to let them know. The only way to do that is to look them in the eye and say "I love you". I know some of you are reading this saying yeah right I'm not gonna tell so and so I love them. But why not? If you love them and you would regret not telling them if something happened to you or them then you absolutely should. You will be amazed how great you feel just to say it and how great you feel when you say it and that someone looks at you and smiles and says it back to you.

Now what does any of this have to do with keeping your marriage strong? Well love is the feeling that brings you to the point where you want to marry your partner. Love compels you to do strange things. It's going to be love and the commitment you made to them on your wedding day that keeps you together forever. You need to be able to tell your mate with certainly that you love them. If you don't feel comfortable saying "I love you", you might not say it to them either. Or maybe you say it in the beginning and then just stop one day. And then just say it occasionally. How is your partner supposed to feel if they don't know from one day to the next if they have someone who loves them or not?

A quick story and then I'll move on. Some close friends of my wife and I have a seemingly good relationship. They have fun together when we go out and they seem happy most of the time. But we never hear them say "I love you" or see them holding hands or kissing or showing any affection. I don't want to over step my boundaries as a friend so I don't say anything but I can't help but feel bad that my wife and I are always telling each other or kissing or something like that. And it seems to make them uncomfortable. I just don't get it. If you love them, tell them you love them!

Saying "I Love You" to your spouse is obviously different than saying it to anyone else. This is the person you've chosen and who has chosen you to spend the rest of your life with. So saying "I Love You" is something that should be said and felt at a deeper emotional level than with anyone else. And yet because you see them and tell them, hopefully everyday, it can sometimes sound meaningless. This potential problem isn't from the words getting boring, it's probably from the comfort you feel with one another. The fact that you see one another everyday and don't feel they need a daily reminder that you truly love them. My opinion is that this way of thinking couldn't be further from the truth. I feel that if you want to keep your relationship with your spouse fresh and alive, you need to have that same feeling that brought you together in the beginning. You need to act like you are the luckiest person in the world that this person chose to spend the rest of their life with you and realize how lucky you are to have that in your life. Instead, many people have that grass is always greener mentality and wonder how much better their life would be if they were with someone else. It's much easier to let those feelings sort of fade away than to actually work at keeping them fresh in your mind and heart. So when the relationship falls on hard times you can just blame it on the lack of love between the two of you. Does that make any sense to anyone? It shouldn't but it happens every day. Couples get divorced for one reason or another and feel it's okay to move on because they just fell out of love. Well I say they got lazy and rather than work at fixing the problem they took the easy way out and just went their separate ways.

Cherish what you have in your life right now. You don't know if anyone else in this world is ever going to look at you and feel love for you and choose to be with you and only you. If you have someone in your life that loves you and tells you they love you, there is no greener grass on the other side. Just more grass. When you tell your husband or wife that you love them, make sure you say it with conviction and at least realize when you say it that they are the only one in the world you can say it to with that depth of emotion.

I realized something many years ago with my wife that I will share with you now and I hope it has meaning for some of you out there. My wife is the only one in all of mankind who is ever going to be able to hold my hand, kiss my lips, cuddle with me on the couch or touch me with her gifts of love any other way. If I don't get what I need from her, there isn't anyone else I can turn to to get it from. If you need a cup of sugar, sure you can go to the neighbor and get what you need. But if you need someone to love you, where do you go for that? Look to the one you promised your life to and make sure you are always on the same page with one another. Constantly remind each other how deep your love is and work at keeping that spark between each other. Lastly, never take for granted what you have right now. If you have someone who you care deeply for and they care for you in return, hold on to that person for as long as you possibly can. I Love you all for reading this, thank you.

Jim B