Say "I Love You" to Your Spouse Today

Family life can be beautiful, but sometimes it puts things between us that just are hard to get around. Just like having a cactus with prickly spines in the way, we end up having a hard time staying close to each other.
Family life can be beautiful, but sometimes it puts things between us that just are hard to get around. Just like having a cactus with prickly spines in the way, we end up having a hard time staying close to each other. | Source

Marriage has its ups and downs. Sometimes the ups are more than the downs. Sometimes it is the other way around. Most married couples go through phases where they grow apart, and if they don't come back together, they are in trouble. At first, there will be reasons, then excuses, then the decision to not come back any more is made.

Many couples must be apart for long periods of time out of financial or economic necessity. Schooling in a distant city, jobs requiring travel, and temporarily relocating for assignments can keep a spouse away from the daily difficulties of family life. Unless the couple makes a concerted effort to spend time connecting through letters, e-mails, phone calls, or other means, it may be difficult to get back together.

Even when two people have lived together for many years, and are committed to the marriage, there still needs to be nurturing of the love relationship for the marriage to stand the test of time. Keeping love alive when you are at home together takes effort. It doesn't mean just going out and buying a gift. It means coming up with creative ways to share love that didn't require spending money.

When we do things together as a couple, the difficulties of life can be put behind us. We are strengthened as a unit and more able to deal with life without becoming discouraged.
When we do things together as a couple, the difficulties of life can be put behind us. We are strengthened as a unit and more able to deal with life without becoming discouraged. | Source

Say it with time

The most important way to say "I love you" to your spouse is with time, one-on-one time. It means placing high priority on doing things together as a couple. Work together, play together, pray together, and go places together.

If necessary, find someone to watch the children. You may find yourselves coming home, sitting in the driveway and saying , "It is okay. The house is still standing. No one is bleeding. We are okay."

If your spouse is an avid movie fan, even if you think that TV is a waste of time, sit down and watch an episode or a movie, relax and enjoy it. Cuddle, hold hands, and enjoy being close to each other.

If you both play musical instruments, get out the duet book and play something together. The results will uplifted you both. Learn to laugh at the mistakes and cry when the music touches you. Appreciate each other's talents and abilities.

As you look back on the memories of your life, it is the time you spend together that is the most meaningful. Whether remodeling your home and apartment buildings together, attending performances, serving in volunteer positions, watching your children's school activities, gardening, canning, playing baseball, going swimming, taking walks, making popcorn, washing dishes, camping in a tent, cooking breakfast, trimming trees, and taking trips to see your children. Each time you plan, prepare, and participate together, your love is strengthened.

With us each going our separate ways in our family responsibilities, leaving love notes connects us for just a moment. Sometimes, that is sufficient to keep the love fires burning brightly.
With us each going our separate ways in our family responsibilities, leaving love notes connects us for just a moment. Sometimes, that is sufficient to keep the love fires burning brightly. | Source

Thank you doesn't say enough

For all you've done for me.

If it weren't for you,

I wouldn't know

How nice it is to be me!

Say it with words

According to Jim Rohn, motivational speaker, words feed the soul. The soul is the spirit and body together, the whole individual, and the heart is the connecting point. Love is both physical and spiritual, and words give it life. Saying "I love you" frequently helps people to feel needed and wanted. Written words are also helpful, thus the importance of gifts, cards, and love notes.

Love notes do not have to be long and flowery. Shakespeare was not the best at expressing love, in fact, the majority of his writings are very tragic. Love was so passionate that people were killing each other and themselves in the process! We don't have to go that far! Instead, think of a love note as a gentle reminder that someone cares, not just anyone, a special someone.

Love notes can be written on just about anything: a scrap of paper torn into the shape of a heart, a picture of a couple from a magazine, leftover scraps of cloth, messages or images cut from greeting cards, a piece of tape, or the most practical invention yet, the sticky note!

The best love notes are least expected, but have significant impact. They are found hidden in a clothing drawer, tucked into a lunch pail, or fall out of the toolbox when it is opened. They say things that perhaps cannot be said face to face, but sound wonderful coming from the depths of the heart. They bring back memories of tenderness and fill the soul with warmth and love. It only takes a moment, and you might be surprised what happens.

Inexpensive gifts and cards can be found at second hand stores and garage sales. They are usually well stocked with inspirational verses, cups, plaques, and cards. Make you own "cookie-card" from a sugar-cookie recipe and decorate with a personal message. Pick some flowers and put them in a special cup, or simply write a personal letter. These are the most cherished gifts, and will be remembered much longer than the trips to exotic places and expensive articles of jewelry or clothing.

Taking the time to express love by giving affection is an investment in the future health of the marriage relationship. Now is the time to start.
Taking the time to express love by giving affection is an investment in the future health of the marriage relationship. Now is the time to start. | Source

Say it with affection

Affection is oftentimes lost in the day to day routine of family life. There is always so much to do and so little time! When children are young, it is the bathing, dressing, diapering, and feeding. As they get older it is the constant "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" Once they start school, it is the cooking, cleaning, and preparing, along with the taxi driving and cheer leading. It never seems to end!

Once the day is done, parents are exhausted and physical intimacy is put on hold for a more "convenient" time. Before long, both parties are hungry for physical closeness and begin looking elsewhere to find it. Affection offers a way to intersperse physical closeness throughout the day and keeps the fires of love alive. If you find that affection is a thing of the past in your marriage, start by simply adding a kiss to your and your spouse's daily routine:

  • The good morning kiss - either right after the alarm rings, or as you are rolling out of bed.
  • The goodby kiss - meet at the door before leaving for work (hint: it is easier to kiss when you are outside of the car)
  • The welcome home kiss - whoever walks in the door last finds the other person and gives them a kiss of greeting

Then add a hug. Whenever you kiss, give each other a hug as well. If you walk up behind your spouse while they are busy working, kiss them on the back of the neck. Have this be a pre-arranged signal meaning that the person being kissed needs to turn around and give the other person a hug. Hugs are the cheapest way to keep love alive. Be very generous with them, and remember that they work best when accompanied by a kiss.

Do you feel that your spouse expresses their love to you enough?

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Try a little shoulder rub. When your spouse is seated at the computer, or watching TV, either come up behind them or sit next to them. Put your hands on their shoulders with your thumbs pointing toward each other at the base of the neck. Start rubbing with the thumbs in a circular motion, moving outward towards the shoulders. Squeeze slightly with the fingers on the front of the shoulder as you do so. The shoulders are often tense from a long day at work, and may be tight. As you rub, they should relax and the person will sigh. Follow the shoulder rub with a hug and a kiss.

Affection is an inexpensive, simple way to add love to your life on a daily basis. Couples who express affection regularly have much more emotionally health children. Children feel stability in the home when they see love expressed between their parents. Affection expressed as couples get older keeps them feeling young and brings back the romance that may have been lost with the activities of rearing a family.

Sharing and giving love are what marriage is all about. It is what brings couples together, and is required for keeping them together. Life is long and lonely when couples allow their love to be forfeited due to petty disagreements and disappointments. Remember, there is no time like the present to rekindle your love.

Say "I love you" to your spouse today, for your emotional health!

©2012 by Denise W. Anderson, all rights reserved. This hub is an Emotional Survival Resource. For more information on Emotional Survival, see www.denisewa.com.

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Comments 14 comments

Seeker7 profile image

Seeker7 4 years ago from Fife, Scotland

What a beautiful hub this is.

There is so much great advice but at the core the message is simple but profound! I think if some young couples starting out in marriage had a more realistic view of what it will be like then they would have a better chance of success. I just feel that with some youngsters as soon as the 'honeymoon' period is over in their marriage and things don't feel how they used to, then for them it's time to move on to someone else. Then they often make the same mistakes again. Marriage does take hard work and commitment but most of all, as you've highlighted so well, it takes two. One of the most important things I think you've said however, is that affection costs nothing and it can be shown in so many inexpensive but genuine ways. I think this hub will speak to many couples and give them the insight to change things for the better.

A thoroughly absorbing and interesting hub + voted up!


denise.w.anderson profile image

denise.w.anderson 4 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota Author

Thanks for your comments, Seeker7. I appreciate you stopping by. This is a topic that is close to my heart, and I hope that the information will be helpful to others.


jpcmc profile image

jpcmc 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

Say it with time...this is beautiful. We forget to spend meaningful time with our family. true, work is important but not as much as our families. As a new dad, I can't wait to get home and be with my wife and daughter. Weekends are my favorite. It is during this time that i can spend more time with them.


denise.w.anderson profile image

denise.w.anderson 4 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota Author

Yes, I believe that families are forever. The relationships we form here will be with us when we leave here. It is wonderful that you can look forward to coming home to be with your loved ones. Nothing is more important. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean

Very practical and relevant. Little things mean a lot especially when they fill a need. Voted Up and Useful.


denise.w.anderson profile image

denise.w.anderson 4 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota Author

Thanks, MsDora. The little things are probably the most important. They are what can make or break a marriage. I appreciate you stopping by and commenting.


TeachableMoments profile image

TeachableMoments 4 years ago from California

Love this hub. Very inspiring. I always tell me husband, "I love you more today than I did yesterday." Probably nobody else in the world would understand, but I've been saying it since the day I knew I loved him. It simply means as each day passes I realize something new about him. Sometimes it's something that drives me crazy. Sometimes it's something that makes my heart melt. I appreciate that "something" because it's one more day being together. Thank you for this hub.


denise.w.anderson profile image

denise.w.anderson 4 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota Author

Thanks, TeachableMoments, for sharing what you have done to make your relationship with your husband special. It is these types of "little things" that keep marriages strong when difficult things happen. Take care and thanks for stopping by!


That Grrl profile image

That Grrl 3 years ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

Did you sew those people? My Mom and I have been making people from fabric and then dressing them up. We usually have them outside in the Autumn, sitting by the front door.


denise.w.anderson profile image

denise.w.anderson 3 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota Author

They were given to me at some point in time. They are very small, about five inches high, and the cars were made in shop class by my children.


DemiT profile image

DemiT 3 years ago from Greece

I love the fact that your words are full of love and affection. I feel that you are right in all the things you mentioned. The little things always should count more in a relationship than the big ones.


denise.w.anderson profile image

denise.w.anderson 3 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota Author

You are right, DemiT, little things do count. They add up so quickly to become big things. When you live together with someone in a marriage relationship, everything you do affects each other, whether you intend it to or not. There has to be a conscious effort made to express love daily. Thanks for reading and commenting!


Alice 2 years ago

Love does take time to grow, but it does not seem fair that you would marry someone without knowing that your love could not be any bigger. "I love you more today than yesterday," sounds like I didn't love you enough before; I'm still learning about you; I committed before I knew everything I should have about you. Over your years together, your love should not change. You will make new fun memories, you will grow, your intimacy may deepen or appreciation may strengthen, but unconditional love should have been offered in the first place.


denise.w.anderson profile image

denise.w.anderson 2 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota Author

This is an excellent observation, Alice. Unconditional love is love that has no boundaries. It allows us to love, no matter what changes take place in our lives. When we marry, unconditional love is vital to our growth and development as a couple. When we say that love deepens over time, I think that what we really mean is that we change, and in order for our love to remain constant, our relationship needs to change as well. It takes time and effort to keep on giving and expressing love, especially when our spouse does not reciprocate. This is the greatest test of love. Aging, health problems, and other factors get in the way of expressing our love. In order to keep on loving unconditionally, we look beyond romance toward a more Christlike form of love based on service and humility. I believe that this is what people mean when they say that their love deepens. New avenues of spirituality open that didn't exist before because of the choice to continue to love.

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