Say "I Love You" to Your Spouse Today
Marriage has its ups and downs. Sometimes the ups are more than the downs. Sometimes it is the other way around. Most married couples go through phases where they grow apart, and if they don't come back together, they are in trouble. At first, there will be reasons, then excuses, then the decision to not come back any more is made.
Many couples must be apart for long periods of time out of financial or economic necessity. Schooling in a distant city, jobs requiring travel, and temporarily relocating for assignments can keep a spouse away from the daily difficulties of family life. Unless the couple makes a concerted effort to spend time connecting through letters, e-mails, phone calls, or other means, it may be difficult to get back together.
Even when two people have lived together for many years, and are committed to the marriage, there still needs to be nurturing of the love relationship for the marriage to stand the test of time. Keeping love alive when you are at home together takes effort. It doesn't mean just going out and buying a gift. It means coming up with creative ways to share love that didn't require spending money.
Say it with time
The most important way to say "I love you" to your spouse is with time, one-on-one time. It means placing high priority on doing things together as a couple. Work together, play together, pray together, and go places together.
If necessary, find someone to watch the children. You may find yourselves coming home, sitting in the driveway and saying , "It is okay. The house is still standing. No one is bleeding. We are okay."
If your spouse is an avid movie fan, even if you think that TV is a waste of time, sit down and watch an episode or a movie, relax and enjoy it. Cuddle, hold hands, and enjoy being close to each other.
If you both play musical instruments, get out the duet book and play something together. The results will uplifted you both. Learn to laugh at the mistakes and cry when the music touches you. Appreciate each other's talents and abilities.
As you look back on the memories of your life, it is the time you spend together that is the most meaningful. Whether remodeling your home and apartment buildings together, attending performances, serving in volunteer positions, watching your children's school activities, gardening, canning, playing baseball, going swimming, taking walks, making popcorn, washing dishes, camping in a tent, cooking breakfast, trimming trees, and taking trips to see your children. Each time you plan, prepare, and participate together, your love is strengthened.
Thank you doesn't say enough
For all you've done for me.
If it weren't for you,
I wouldn't know
How nice it is to be me!
Say it with words
According to Jim Rohn, motivational speaker, words feed the soul. The soul is the spirit and body together, the whole individual, and the heart is the connecting point. Love is both physical and spiritual, and words give it life. Saying "I love you" frequently helps people to feel needed and wanted. Written words are also helpful, thus the importance of gifts, cards, and love notes.
Love notes do not have to be long and flowery. Shakespeare was not the best at expressing love, in fact, the majority of his writings are very tragic. Love was so passionate that people were killing each other and themselves in the process! We don't have to go that far! Instead, think of a love note as a gentle reminder that someone cares, not just anyone, a special someone.
Love notes can be written on just about anything: a scrap of paper torn into the shape of a heart, a picture of a couple from a magazine, leftover scraps of cloth, messages or images cut from greeting cards, a piece of tape, or the most practical invention yet, the sticky note!
The best love notes are least expected, but have significant impact. They are found hidden in a clothing drawer, tucked into a lunch pail, or fall out of the toolbox when it is opened. They say things that perhaps cannot be said face to face, but sound wonderful coming from the depths of the heart. They bring back memories of tenderness and fill the soul with warmth and love. It only takes a moment, and you might be surprised what happens.
Inexpensive gifts and cards can be found at second hand stores and garage sales. They are usually well stocked with inspirational verses, cups, plaques, and cards. Make you own "cookie-card" from a sugar-cookie recipe and decorate with a personal message. Pick some flowers and put them in a special cup, or simply write a personal letter. These are the most cherished gifts, and will be remembered much longer than the trips to exotic places and expensive articles of jewelry or clothing.
Say it with affection
Affection is oftentimes lost in the day to day routine of family life. There is always so much to do and so little time! When children are young, it is the bathing, dressing, diapering, and feeding. As they get older it is the constant "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" Once they start school, it is the cooking, cleaning, and preparing, along with the taxi driving and cheer leading. It never seems to end!
Once the day is done, parents are exhausted and physical intimacy is put on hold for a more "convenient" time. Before long, both parties are hungry for physical closeness and begin looking elsewhere to find it. Affection offers a way to intersperse physical closeness throughout the day and keeps the fires of love alive. If you find that affection is a thing of the past in your marriage, start by simply adding a kiss to your and your spouse's daily routine:
- The good morning kiss - either right after the alarm rings, or as you are rolling out of bed.
- The goodby kiss - meet at the door before leaving for work (hint: it is easier to kiss when you are outside of the car)
- The welcome home kiss - whoever walks in the door last finds the other person and gives them a kiss of greeting
Then add a hug. Whenever you kiss, give each other a hug as well. If you walk up behind your spouse while they are busy working, kiss them on the back of the neck. Have this be a pre-arranged signal meaning that the person being kissed needs to turn around and give the other person a hug. Hugs are the cheapest way to keep love alive. Be very generous with them, and remember that they work best when accompanied by a kiss.
Try a little shoulder rub. When your spouse is seated at the computer, or watching TV, either come up behind them or sit next to them. Put your hands on their shoulders with your thumbs pointing toward each other at the base of the neck. Start rubbing with the thumbs in a circular motion, moving outward towards the shoulders. Squeeze slightly with the fingers on the front of the shoulder as you do so. The shoulders are often tense from a long day at work, and may be tight. As you rub, they should relax and the person will sigh. Follow the shoulder rub with a hug and a kiss.
Affection is an inexpensive, simple way to add love to your life on a daily basis. Couples who express affection regularly have much more emotionally health children. Children feel stability in the home when they see love expressed between their parents. Affection expressed as couples get older keeps them feeling young and brings back the romance that may have been lost with the activities of rearing a family.
Sharing and giving love are what marriage is all about. It is what brings couples together, and is required for keeping them together. Life is long and lonely when couples allow their love to be forfeited due to petty disagreements and disappointments. Remember, there is no time like the present to rekindle your love.
Say "I love you" to your spouse today, for your emotional health!
©2012 by Denise W. Anderson, all rights reserved. This hub is an Emotional Survival Resource. For more information on Emotional Survival, see www.denisewa.com.
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