The Truth With Second Marriages and Divorce Rate

More Successful?

I would think that second marriages would be more successful. I thought the divorced would have learned from their mistakes and possibly how to communicate better? But that does not seem to be the case.

Unfortunately, The odds of divorce are somewhat higher for those saying "I Do" for the second time around. But we must realize that there is alot more involved. It isn't as if the soon-to-be bride and groom are 1st timers and have no "baggage" to carry.



Probabilty of Remarriage

The probability of remarriage is lower in communities with very high unemployment, poverty and receipt of public assistance, and/or very low median family incomes. It is also about 45 percent higher for non-metropolitan areas than for central cities.

Social class effects the likely hood of marriage. For instance, in the south it is frowned on to be singled or divorced. It is the southern way to be married and taken care of by the man. I am from North Carolina and outspoken “Yankees” are not marriage material. Submissive, old-fashioned girls are to be married. Also, one of wealth tend to marry again, women over men. Poverty stricken are of the few to remarry.

 According to the National Center for Health Statistics 

  •   54 percent of divorced women remarry within 5 years
  •   75 percent of divorced women remarry within 10 years
  •    Black women are the least likely to remarry
  •   White women are the most likely to remarry

Remarried families have more complex issues to confront: exes to deal with, and stepchildren to raise. Also, the couple is somewhat paranoid of another “failing” marriage in which they tend to over analyze or compare to the first spouse.

The "Step-Parent" Problem

The child tends to think that the (soon to be) step parent is replacing or trying to replace the original parent. Resentment and anger can result from this. We have all heard the saying regarding steps and the step parent- “You are not my mom/dad!” And that is exactly how most feel unless the “step” is a part of their life from an early age. The step parent may feel as if he has to play the role of parent although they are not. Resulting in conflict with the child as well as the biological parent.

 

Was It The Right Time?

It is claimed that in your mid-twenties is the best time to marry. It is suggested that the person in their mid-twenties have nothing to gain by waiting and that it is most likely an intact marriage and of the highest quality at this age. Men at this age are not relying on mom to do his laundry, cook his meals and pay his bills. This is essential to a marriage to know that the man will help around the house and potentially help with the children.

I never was one to believe in claims...

My Advice

Thinking of my parents divorce, I think it was a combination of factors that caused it. They were far too young. She 17, he 19. They had separate social classes, ever changing gender roles and could not meet eye-to-eye on religion. The main factor to their divorce is interpersonal problems. Annoying habits, nagging, my father never home, NO communication, possible affairs, if it is listed as a possible cause for divorce, it was a factor with my mom and dad. It was the best thing to happen for them, Divorcing that is.

However, my father moved onto a marriage that he has been happy within for over 20 years now. How? Take my advice:

  1. Listen to your ex and the reasons why you divorced. Learn from them and apply those reasons to the next.
  2. Don’t give up on marriage.
  3. Don’t consider yourself a failure.
  4. Don’t make excuses for your behavior.

If you cheated on your spouse in the last marriage, admit your wrong to yourself and learn from that. If you stayed out numerous nights and didn't bother calling- that's a contributing factor, use it and learn from it. Be honest with yourself about your wrong-doings. Find the reasons why the first marriage failed and learn from within. You can only help yourself to help your second marriage successful.

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Comments 4 comments

myownworld profile image

myownworld 6 years ago from uk

I always thought that if people got married the second time, they would at least get it right now, but as you say, there are other factors that come into play, like step children and too many expectations. Yet, there are no hard and fast rules as to what makes a successful marriage, are they? In south asian culture, where I was raised, we all marry in our early 20s, and the society really looks down upon divorce, hence we try our hardest to make it work, no matter what. Though the divorce rates there are much lower than in the west, I still wouldn't say it means the marriages are any happier!

Anyway, thank you for sharing this - great advice. Also, you're doing great for someone who's recently joined, so keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you :)


Bloget profile image

Bloget 6 years ago from Minnesota

I have been feeling aweful about my divorce and how it is affecting my children. I carry so much guilt. You have many good points to share. Thank you for your insights from the side or point of view from the child of divorced parents. Thank You


mrsbudryzer profile image

mrsbudryzer 5 years ago from Jersey Shore

I remarried when my daughter was 5, she just turned 7. We still have a hard time with things. Her dad is still a big part of her life, and now she has a step dad. It certainly does effect the marriage and would have an impact on its success. Great hub. Very informative. Luckily, I married the right man the second time around...and he the right wife...the third time around. Took him long enough to find me!! Good luck to those who are giving it another try. Marriage should never be given up on. You just need the right partner to make it last.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 5 years ago

I believe there are 2 big reasons why the divorce rate is higher for second marriage.

1. A lot of second marriages take place without a person learning the lessons from their previous choice of a life mate. They walk away from the first marriage blaming their ex for everything without bothering to acknowledge that THEY CHOSE that person. Most likely they did not take the time to really get to know them or they did not take the time to discover what it is they wanted or needed in a spouse. If you go to the store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead...etc Whose fault is that?

In a "buyer beware" world it's up to each of us to thoroughly inspect before we make a selection. Ending one marriage without "learning" this lesson is likely to set someone up to repeat the same mistake. Some second marriages are nothing more than "rebound marriages."

2. The second time around when you spot major issues in your marriage (you are less likely to try and "go along to get along" in order to avoid getting divorced.) In a way "You've already seen this movie before and you know how it ends."

You're not concerned about being a part of statistic or what others may think. You've already survived one divorce so you know you are strong enough to deal with it again if you have to. It's the old "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me." People tend to take less crap the second time around in marriages.

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