Secrets Revealed: Why Kim Kardashian and I Will Never Be a Couple

OKAY, SO I WAS WRONG

in thinking that I could hide the fact that super-party-girl icon, Kim Kardashian and I will never be seen as a couple. I was dead-wrong. And how foolish I was in thinking that my conscience (and my readers) would be satisfied if I just "come clean" and told the whole gory story about "Why I Could Never Date Supergirl." I guess that society is never satisfied.

But all of the nay-sayer's who see me as the "low man on the social pole," will probably be quieted when this hub is published because I have no other secrets to share about any hot, sexy female celebrities anywhere. I give you my word on this.


The lovely, attractive, and girl who will never be with me

KIM DARDASHIAN (RIGHT) AND KRIS JENNER, HER MOM. READ STORY BELOW TO FIND OUT WHY SHE WILL\ NEVER BE A COUPLE WITH ME.
KIM DARDASHIAN (RIGHT) AND KRIS JENNER, HER MOM. READ STORY BELOW TO FIND OUT WHY SHE WILL\ NEVER BE A COUPLE WITH ME.

BUT I WILL BE HONEST WITH YOU

Ms. Kim Kardashian, who makes a living marrying wealthy men only to leave them, gets paid to atttend lavish celebrity parties, and either stay in the center of, or be the reason for the latest controversy to hit our television sets on some reality show.

I give Kim all the credit in the world. She is, without any question, one of the hottest, prettiest and least-friendly female celebrities that "I" will never meet. Anywhere, anytime or on any continent.

I will not bore you with a super-long hub in explaining to you "all," of the reasons why Kim Kardashian and I will never be a couple on this earth, for some of the reasons are sensitive, way personal and I just do not feel like "baring my social soul," to everyone at this point in my life. Maybe when I turn 60 in two years. Then I will really not care at all about being tongue-lashed, verbally-insulted and laughed-at for never having a girlfriend like Kim Kardashian.

Before I reveal "some" of the major reasons why Kim and I will never hold hands in the moonlight in the Gulf at Mobile, Alabama. Never go for a ride in rural Alabama in a borrowed-convertible. Or even visit a nearby Church's Fried Chicken to eat our lunch and I would tease the lovely Kim Kardashian about having grease on her chin. (Couples in-love do caring things like this.) I will just tell you straight-up, that if you are any of your friends are related to Kim Kardashian, do not take this hub to heart. This is a matter that is between Kim and I, so I would appreciate you not getting on your cellphone and "spill the beans," as to why . . .

"Kim Kardashian and "I" WIll Never Be a Couple" . . . .

ANTIQUE TRUCKS

give me an afternoon with a parking lot full of vintage trucks and pick-up trucks and I am happy as a hog in a new mudhole. I like to take my time and snap photos of these automotive relics which have given us to much in our country. And talk to the owners about where they found their trucks, how long it took for the owners to restore their trucks and just enjoy myself. Kim Kardashian literally hates trucks, antique or otherwise, with a passion. She is an all-city girlie girl with no interest in things I like.

HOUND DOGS

are one of my favorite things in life, except for my new sidekick, "Festus," my trained cat who loves to show-off his sleeping skills. A hound dog loves me when no one else does. A hound dog never judges me for what I wear, say, or eat. And how I do it. "Festus," is like that. If I had a choice in getting another pet to keep at my house, it would be a faithful hound dog. Kim Kardashian only likes purebred poodles with their line of clothing. I don't. Simple as that. Just another reason why Kim and I will never be two people in love.

PIG ROASTS

just give me a few good friends, a whole hog, and a barbecue pit and I am ready to have a great time. By looking at me, people know that I love food. And roast pig is just one of my favorite's. Not Kim Kardashian. She loves all that imported gunk like cavair, purebred shrimp and bread flown-in from Spain. Her eating is too edgy and finicky for me.

TRACTOR PULLS

are high on my list of "Events I Love." I love the sound of diesel-powered tractors pulling a sleigh with weights that top out at 5000 pounds. Love that smoke that belches from the tractors as they labor down the dirt track. And the yelling of the huge crowds. I love it all. Guess who don't love tractor pulls? Kim Kardashian. She might get dirty. Or tear her designer-gown that costs more than Detroit, Michigan. My heart broke in tiny pieces when I learned that my love-to-be, Kim Kardashian, hated tractor pulls. And tractors.

DRIVE-IN THEATERS

like this one, The Hocking (drive-in) Theater in Logan, Ohio. Once the center of the entertainment hub in "small town, America," now they stand silent only a visual memory of the great times that were had by the local teenagers and older people who didn't own a television. Drive-in theater's only made Kim Kardashian laugh until she cried. She said if the film didn't have "her" in it, she wasn't interested. Guess my dream of "hooking-up" with Kim Kardashinan is up in smoke.

KIM KARDASHIAN AND

THE GUY SHE CHOSE OVER ME:

KANYE WEST

just look at them grinning, giggling down the sidewalk probably on Fifth Avenue, New York. Yes, it is a very sad fact. The ever-lovely and whatever talent she has, Kim Kardashian, discared me and chose singer, Kanye West. Why? Someone please make me see the sense of her decision. Was it my lack of money, fame, or good looks? What do you mean, I'm "three for three"?

Well, I "can" see the silver lining in this "golddigger cloud," she was, or still is, Kanye's problem. Not mine.

Sometimes it take a painful disappointment to make us see that there is a living God.

Kim Kardashian shown walking around

AND WHY IS THIS PHOTO SO RARE? KIM KARDASHIAN USUALLY GETS A RIDE IN A LIMO TO WHEREVER SHE IS GOING.
AND WHY IS THIS PHOTO SO RARE? KIM KARDASHIAN USUALLY GETS A RIDE IN A LIMO TO WHEREVER SHE IS GOING.

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Comments 14 comments

Judi Bee profile image

Judi Bee 4 years ago from UK

Kenneth, the woman's a fool and she doesn't deserve you. I am glad that you are not a couple. If you were spending all your time at glamorous Hollywood parties you wouldn't have time to spend amusing your adoring fans here on HubPages!


annaw profile image

annaw 4 years ago from North Texas

Up, funny and awesome! You never cease to amaze with your wit and great writing skills. I am glad I have the time to read your work again. Have a great week.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

Kenneth - this is hilarious! By coincidence, as I'm reading this, the three Kardashian sisters just walked on the Tonight Show set (waddled on, actually). One is very pregnant and the others seem to have gained in sympathy with her. Kim's - er - talents - are spreading all across Jay's couch. It's doubtful that caviar & picky things could have accomplished all that. Maybe a whole grilled pig? But in fact, they're talking about the pizza they've had. (such exhilarating conversation - NOT! ho-hum. I agree with Judi - she doesn't deserve you anyway.


Vellur profile image

Vellur 4 years ago from Dubai

Entertaining and an enjoyable read. Voted up, awesome!!!


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Ain't love grand? The photo you chose of the lovin' couple is very telling, Ken. Kanye has a firm grip on what's important and Kim's assets follow her wherever she goes. Together, I'm sure they will make beautiful music...for a couple of weeks, anyway.

Many a truth is spoken in jest. And, Ken, you said a mouthful!


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

Kenneth...You're fortunate to have "escaped" the clutches of Kim K. While you may not realize it now, just know that when all the plastic surgery that's given her a "plastic" look begins to need a "re-do", her looks are likely to deteriorate much as those of other celebrities who've "gone under the knife" too much--Joan Rivers comes to mind. Real women aren't intimidated by a few laugh lines. Kim Kardashian is only a life-size Barbie doll!


picklesandrufus profile image

picklesandrufus 4 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

you are definitely a naturally funny guy. Once again a fun read!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear, dear Judi,

Why was I so blind in thinking that Kim and I would actually "fly"? Men like me, love sick, for the wrong women, are pathetic.

And I want to say a warm thank you for what you said in your comment about me being here for my adoring fans . . ."I seriously APPRECIATE YOU, JUDI, and all of my followers. YOU all help to make each day that Im given, so sweet and complete."

Sincerely,

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, annaw,

Thank you kindly for your wonderful comment. I am equally glad that I have time to write things that make YOU and my followers have a better day.

Cannot wait until I meet Jesus one day and hear what He has to say about these stories.

If He should smile and laugh . . .I wont worry.

But if He should just look at me in amazement, I will start sweating bullets.

Thanks, annaw.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Nellienna,

Very good to see you again. Oh, did I miss the Kardashian Klan? I hate that. (scarcasm). Glad that you viewed them in all of their vain and caloric glory. I hope Kim is happy now. She is not going to have to see me ever! Oh, did she mention me by any chance???

Just kidding.

Nice to hear from you, my dear friend, Nellie.

Come back soon.

Love ya,

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Vellur . . .thank you so much for your encouragement and votes. I appreciate that very much and I am not JUST saying that. Your comments count to me. They make want to write more hubs.

You have a great day.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Amy, my dear friend, you have such a gift to make words say something other than what they mean. I got your drift right away. And I agree. Kanye should "hold on" for dear life for Kim is a wild bronco, Ive been told. She will never be that with me. (Sigh. Yessss!)

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Jaye,

you are correct. I was fortunate. I dont have enough on any credit card to appease the Kim. She lives for money, men, and men. And you said it best: SHE IS A LIVING BARBIE DOLL.

Nicely said, Jaye. Thanks for all of your wise observations.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear picklesandrufus . . ."a hearfelt thanks to you for this and all of your nice comments. YOU will never realize just how MUCH YOU are appreciated."

Have a sweet day.

Kenneth

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