Secrets to a Good and Lasting Marriage

Getting married is the easy part, staying married however isn't all that easy. People break up all the time. One sees couples going their separate ways for reasons that are frivolous most times. One of the main reasons for failed marriages is that people expect the world from their partner. They just seem to forget realism and live in a fantasy world, expecting perfection. Ideally, it helps if both the inviduals concerned talk about their expectations of each other before the marriage. Its important that your life goals match, or at least not clash. For example, you wouldn't want issues such as moving to another city become a thorny issue. Its therefore important that you talk about things like where you'd like to settle down in, when you'd like to have kids, what faith you would want to bring up the kids in, whether you'd want to homeschool your kids or not. Basically, there has to be a synchronicity among both of you. These are the most common problem issues that come up early on in people's marriages. Additionally, here are some of the things couples need to make a note of:

ACCEPTANCE

The first secret to a good marriage is having a healthy dose of acceptance in the relationship. Acceptance means that you understand your partner's shortcomings and not seek constantly to change them, especially if they find it difficult to change. Doing so can come across as pestering, which nobody really likes and can remind oneself of their mommies, certainly not a good thing in a marriage. Acceptance of your partner's weaknesses or shortcomings by you would definitely be appreciated by him/her. Lets face it, we all have our weaknesses and in most cases we can't do anything about them. We also don't like being reminded of them - do we?

COMPROMISE AND FORGIVENESS

A good marriage is a result of lots of compromises by both the individuals concerned. Sometimes you need to learn to put your ego out of the way and make a decision for the betterment of both of you. Sometimes, you might need to ask for forgiveness, even if you think it wasn't your fault. Being obstinate and rigid certainly aren't positives for a good marriage. Accept some of the blame for a situation, even if you know you weren't to blame.

Advice & Tips For a Good & Lasting Marriage

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COMMUNICATION

Keep the lines of communication open at all times. Closing oneself up is never a good idea. Communication keeps things straight and transparent and doesn't allow any suspicions or doubts to creep into the relationship.

GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE

As much as you love your spouse, you wouldn't want him/her to be with you all the time. You need your own space as well. So, give yourself the space you need at times. More importantly, if your partner is asking to be alone some time, give him/her that space and do understand that it is an important thing to have. Do not immediately jump to conclusions about an affair or any such thing.

SUSTAIN THE LUST

Obviously, as the years pass, your desire and excitement for each other is likely to diminish, rather than grow. Hence, constantly keep finding more about your partner sexually, new ways that you can pleasure him/her, new situations, new positions, constantly seek to reinvent yourself. Create surprise romantic situations, hug and kiss and flirt with each other whenever you can. Gestures like these make one know that the romance is still there in the relationship. Good sex is an essential component of a good marriage

TACKLE THE PROBLEM AT THE ROOT

If you sense an issue, it is prudent to tackle it right away, rather than let it fester. Problems can grow over time, and before you know it, can grow unmanageable. So, if there are any misunderstandings, clear them up right now.

KNOW HOW TO HANDLE CONFLICTS

Conflicts destroy marriages. Learn how to resolve conflicts. Don't resort to slanging matches with your spouse. Learn to listen, as much as you talk. You may not agree with the other person's point of view, but learn to listen patiently. Let them vent off their steam. Calmness begets calmness. Maintain your poise and composure throughout an argument. If you feel you are going to lose your temper, take a time-out and walk off. Come back and try to put forth your point of view calmly. Arguments are never resolved by raising your voice.

TRUST

So important, yet so fragile. Don't jump to conclusions without any proof. Don't accuse based on assumptions. You may have doubts but give the other person the benefit of the doubt, unless you have hard facts. Trust is the basis and foundation of a good marriage. Know how to hold that trust.

A successful marriage is a result of all of the above factors and more. A successful marriage just doesn't happen, you work at it all the time. It is not a miracle. It is the result of two inviduals who've invested their time and soul into it.

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Comments 20 comments

fishskinfreak2008 profile image

fishskinfreak2008 8 years ago from Fremont CA

Some interesting points


Allan Douglas profile image

Allan Douglas 6 years ago from Great Smoky Mountains, Tennessee

Good information! Since we so often "put our best foot forward" during courtship, we need to be tollerant and accepting when the person turns out not to be as perfect as we thought.


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 6 years ago Author

Thank you Allan for stopping by and commenting. Glad you found it useful. Yes, I agree! We need to temper our expectations!!


Allen G. Wells 6 years ago

I thank you and my fiancée thanks you with our hearts, souls, minds, bodies and most especially, with our future.


queen lover 6 years ago

that's true


saphina 6 years ago

The information helped me a lot evaluate my marriage.


Chelsea 6 years ago

This article was very useful for me and I will adopt these simple philosophies into my marriage so we can be together forever


jennifer 6 years ago

all the info i read is very helpful and right on point. i think that people should be their selfs when they starting dating so there will be no surpeises at the end. i like just for a person be up front with me.


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 6 years ago Author

Thank you Allen, QL, Saphina, Chelsea and Jennifer for stopping by and commenting on this article. So glad all of you found it helpful!! Thank you all for your kind words :)


patti2800 6 years ago

Tank you for the good article, my husband and I have been married over 5 years. We practice a lot of what you suggest and I am very happy to say we have a fantastic marriage. I does take tons of work and a healthy dose of selflessness but it is absolutely worth it. Thanks for the reminder of what we should be doing.


Esther 6 years ago

Very useful information. Every now and then my husband and I need some good advice like this to help us through our marriage. We both love each other and believe me we both tend to rock the boat when it shouldn't even be rocked. Communication and trust is the #1 goal we have in our marriage. Thanks!


Nancy 6 years ago

Don't forget a sense of humor. Very important.


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 6 years ago Author

Thank you, Patti and Esther, for visiting by and commenting. Glad you both found this article useful :)


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 6 years ago Author

Absolutely right, Nancy - humor is very important indeed. Missed that one. Thanks for pointing that out and for stopping by and commenting :)


Ozymandias Rising 6 years ago

The one significant point which was not addressed is maintaining courtesy within the marriage...I know two couples who have both been married in excess of fifty years...very happily and are still very much in love...in both cases the couples are unfailingly polite to one another...they treat each other with the same level of manners they would engage in with a friend. Please, thank you, could you, and thank you are very much a part of their interactions with their partner. They never take for granted that their partner is at their beck and call, and remember to "ask" not demand...and to be gracious if the answer is no.


Bobby 6 years ago

I think the majority of what you said is spot on, in fact I loved it. I do have one major concern and that is what you wrote regarding compromise and forgivness. False forgivness will result in trust issues. It almost sounds like you are telling all who are reading this not to be honest and real with their spouse. Forgivness may not come immediately but looking for resolve should be the focus. Forgivness needs to be sincere or bitterness can appear.


carla 6 years ago

yap bobby!!!!


Shil1978 profile image

Shil1978 6 years ago Author

Thank you OZ, Bobby and Carla for stopping by and commenting. Yes Oz and Bob, those are excellent points you've both mentioned. Bob, I guess I didn't explain the point about forgiveness enough, as I should have. I didn't make that point vis-a-vis loyalty/faithfulness in a marriage. It was more the small issues that crop up - silly fights really. Thanks again for visiting by you all - nice to hear your perspective. This article is richer with your wise comments and perspective :)


NEESHA 5 years ago

Thanks for your words as they are so timely in my a challenging period in my marriage. I got so stuck on being right & sought no solutions but seperation to tackle my husband's issues with stress, work and alcohol,which consequently resulted in placing stress on our family.

Your advise has helped me to be introspective & gain understading on what qualities & traits make a marriage work. I intend on applying some of these and benefiting from creating a strong partnership.

Many appericiative thanks


hair bender profile image

hair bender 4 years ago

Very good hub!

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